6 replies to this topic

[GLaDOS]

 

 

 

REVIEW TOPIC

 

Book One - Reawakening

 

Chapter 1 - Tahu [Rude Awakening]

Chapter 2 - Tahu [Ta-Metru]

Chapter 3 - Takut [Tren Krom]

Chapter 4 - Takut [Toa Makli]

Chapter 5 - Tahu [Axonn's Tale]

Chapter 6 - Tahu [Onu-Metru]

Chapter 7 - Takut [The Ouside]

Chapter 8 - Takut [The Sealing]

Chapter 9 - Tahu [Ga-Metru]

Chapter 10 - Coming Soon...

 

Please feel free to leave constructive criticism and comments. Thanks

Edited by GLaDOS, Apr 18 2013 - 09:46 AM.

[Andrewnuva199]

Good to hear you've returned as well.

Can't wait to see what happens next.

[Portalfig]

Oh great, there went the free time I had, now the New Age is back.

I'm glad too see you're back, now to start a marathon reading session.

BTW still love the name.

-P

[GLaDOS]

Wow, that was a year ago, but I'm actually back for real now. I am going to repost the older chapters, but I'll touch them up and flesh them out a bit and then I really want to finish Book 2.

Hopefully my literary skills have improved in the last 3 years!

Welcome back if you're an old reader, feel free to read the story again as I post it as I have made efforts to improve it and there will be some significant changes. If you're a new reader, welcome! Enjoy the story, And if no one reads, that's fine too I just want to finish what I started.

Edited by GLaDOS, Oct 08 2012 - 03:17 AM.

[Portalfig]

So, it is back. And for real this time? That just makes it more awesome.

I just finished re-reading the first re-posted chapters, I can see an improvement already. I don't remember exactly what it sounded like before, but something just really stands out about these chapters. I had also forgotten just how awesome the setting is. In fact, I do remember thinking that this was how BIONICLE ended before I read the final comic. I am way excited to read on, but before i do that i have a few little things that you could fix.

His eyes were closed searched far back in his mind for memories and attempted to piece them together.

-Chapter 5

This sentence sounds wrong to me, I believe it should be something more like one of these:

His eyes were closed, searching far back in his mind for memories and attempting to piece them together.
His eyes were closed as he searched far back in his mind for memories and attempted to piece them together.

And in Chapter 4 you used the word artefact, instead of the American version, artifact. Granted, this is labeled as just a variation in the dictionary I looked in, so I don't think it is a big deal at all. Just something that you might want to change, as it threw me for a loop when I saw it. That is just personal preference though, do whatever you want with it.

But other than that, these chapter are really great, and I am excited for the future of this epic. Keep it coming!

[Cyrix]

Can't believe this is back after so long! This is incredibly awesome; I can't wait to see more. I'm a bit crunched for time right now, so I can't really leave a more in-depth review than that. However, I'll certainly be checking back on this whenever there's a new chapter. And I'm just glad you're back in general, man! It's great.

Also, I'm ecstatic that you actually made a few small references to that short story I did way-back-when, lol. I didn't see that coming.

Edited by Cyrix, Oct 18 2012 - 04:20 PM.

[GLaDOS]

So, it is back. And for real this time? That just makes it more awesome.

I just finished re-reading the first re-posted chapters, I can see an improvement already. I don't remember exactly what it sounded like before, but something just really stands out about these chapters. I had also forgotten just how awesome the setting is. In fact, I do remember thinking that this was how BIONICLE ended before I read the final comic. I am way excited to read on, but before i do that i have a few little things that you could fix.

His eyes were closed searched far back in his mind for memories and attempted to piece them together.

-Chapter 5

This sentence sounds wrong to me, I believe it should be something more like one of these:

His eyes were closed, searching far back in his mind for memories and attempting to piece them together.
His eyes were closed as he searched far back in his mind for memories and attempted to piece them together.

And in Chapter 4 you used the word artefact, instead of the American version, artifact. Granted, this is labeled as just a variation in the dictionary I looked in, so I don't think it is a big deal at all. Just something that you might want to change, as it threw me for a loop when I saw it. That is just personal preference though, do whatever you want with it.

But other than that, these chapter are really great, and I am excited for the future of this epic. Keep it coming!

Thanks a lot, I don't really have time to edit them much, so there's bound to be the odd slip up.

I will probably continue to spell words in the UK way as that's what I know and I'm most comfortable with (and prefer ). It should be fine though, as they are rarely very different.

Can't believe this is back after so long! This is incredibly awesome; I can't wait to see more. I'm a bit crunched for time right now, so I can't really leave a more in-depth review than that. However, I'll certainly be checking back on this whenever there's a new chapter. And I'm just glad you're back in general, man! It's great.

Also, I'm ecstatic that you actually made a few small references to that short story I did way-back-when, lol. I didn't see that coming.

Great to see you're still around too, Cyrix! Yeah, I wanted to develop Takut more early on this time around (as he was originally only meant to be in 2 chapters but I fell in love with him, Eko and Tana.)

So using your pre-established background for him made sense.