Posted Nov 05 2011 - 07:09 PM
First off, let me tell you, that line from chapter one brings back memories of good old 8th grade physical science. I loved that class :)Anyways, the title, 'Two Kinds of People' is really fitting for the story, because almost immediately you draw a parallel between your two protagonists, Certavus and Trifter. I guess you could say they are one another's foils. Its a crafty and effective way of indirectly characterizing the two of them, and I like it.You waste no words creating a rambly exposition in order to cut to the action, it seems. Its nice to see the plot going somewhere, but at the same time, I think, slowing the pace down a bit and setting your stage a bit more heartily, so to speak, would benefit readers.The conflicts you've set up really do make for an interesting read. You've got Man vs. Man (relatively speaking ;D) with your war and raids. You also have the two strategies, brawn vs. brains. I’m eager to see how everything shakes out.
For every action, there was an equal and opposite reaction.
That one line, near the end of chapter one contais a reference to Toa that confused me.Other than those few nitpicks, I didn't spot any grammar or spelling mistakes. Overall, I like how you've set up your characters and I'm eager to see how both Certavus' and Trifter's raids end. Events roll along smoothly, and it’s really nice to read stories about the Core War.Keep up the good work!!
Stepping inside, Certavus slid between Toa to get to the center, where the ground was higher than the rest, resembling a stage.
Edited by Flygon: Desert Spirit, Feb 08 2012 - 03:22 PM.
"Pip, Flitter, and Flap landed gracefully on a branch.
Stellaluna tried to do the same. But she was not as graceful. How embarrassing!
"I will fly all day, Then no one will see how clumsy I am." ~Janelle Cannon
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