2 replies to this topic

[Mega Man: The Blue Bomber]

Here you can review mass destruction.

[Cederak]

Hello, Alt. D, here is your official ECC Review. To start, your main epic topic is to be used for chapters only, not to gather opinions. That's more of a rule here than a critique.

Looking at your epic though, I would highly recommend that you edit you chapters in MS Word or an equivalent program that will bring any errors in spelling or grammar to your attention. Also, bear in mind that spacing out thoughts and dialogue as opposed to reading a wall of text is a lot easier on your readers.

Now let's take a look at your story. I assume this story is meant to deviate from the canon, as we have a Makuta wearing an intact Mask of Shadows (considering Teridax killed off all other Makuta when he took over Mata Nui and the mask was lost when Icarax was blasted into atoms while wearing it), and characters with very human names. In the course of two chapters, it can be easy to take your own direction, but this story suffers from giving your reader the wrong information. Instead of showing me your story, you're telling me about it. Let me explain.

You're taking the audience on a fast paced journey between multiple characters, most of whom I got little to no details about. And so there is a notable lack of feeling in the characters, making them seem hollow in their actions. Don't be afraid to take your time. Give your characters some life. What do they want? How are they doing? What makes them special? The same goes for your scenery. Give some sounds, sights, and features. Writing gives you a world that you are free to build. But if you're rushing through storyline as you've done, readers can miss a lot of what you are seeing when you write. I hope that makes sense.

I have been told that there is always room for improvement, Alt. D. If you keep writing, working on your characters, detailing your world, you can only get better. Writing, in a sense, can be like painting. You have an image of what you want to display that exists in your head. But what you create depends on how much of that image is reproduced. If a picture lacks certain parts that you can see in your mind, the person looking at it will never know. The same goes for writing. I can only experience what you give me.

As a final note, I should be honest with you. Epics are tough. They are stories on a grand scale that demand a great deal from the writer. Not to deter you from continuing, but you may want to get your feet wet with short stories as well. And remember, whatever you're writing, to emphasize details. The fact that you have begun posting an epic shows me you are determined and have potential. Don't give up. Keep writing, and rewriting for that matter. Best of luck, Alt. D.

-Ced

[Mega Man: The Blue Bomber]

Thanks. Before I wright more of this, I'll post The Reganade Chronicles which happened before this, it was posted on the Lego Forums.

The Reganade Chronicles tells of everyone's past in MS.