2 replies to this topic

[SuperStickman117]

Kopeke sighed heavily, and put the chisel down. It had been worn down until it was flattened. He tossed it towards another group of similar looking chisels. He stepped back to admire his work. A Wall of History, from the creation of the Mata Nui robot to the present day, a story that had taken Kopeke nearly ten years to compile. It had been long and arduous labor, often causing him to spur painful memories in some, and been thrown out of many houses. He had spent hundreds of widgets on dozens upon dozens of chisels, and even more on stone mined by the Onu-Matoran to build and expand on the wall. 10 years after peace had been made on Spherus Magna, Kopeke was finally finished recording their story. That's why he was the Chronicler, to write all the significant happenings. From Kodan, the first chronicler on Metru Nui, to Takua, and Hahli, all the way up to him, He wrote of the adventures and sacrifice of Jovan, the arrival of the Toa Mata, the transformation of Takanuva, the tales of Metru Nui, the perils of Voya Nui, and the beauty of Mahri Nui. To the final battle at Karda Nui, the exiling of Mata Nui. The stories of Bara Magna, and the restoration of Spherus Magna. Kopeke decided this story needed a name. However, even after all he done, he couldn't think of a name. He was at a loss for words. As he fought for the words, a warm hand rested on his shoulder. He turned, and Takanuva stood behind him. "Toa Takanuva," Kopeke said, "What an honor." "The honor is all mine, Chronicler," The white and gold Toa assured, "I see you've finished the Wall of History." "Yes," Kopeke started, "But every story needs a name, but I can't think of one." The Toa pondered for a second before saying, "Hmmm...Biological...I've got it! Bionicle." Kopeke nodded. "Bionicle. A fitting name, that only a former chronicler can come up with," Kopeke said with a grin. He grabbed his last new chisel, and carved into the wall. Then, he signed his name at the bottom. "Now, let us tell the Turaga. there will be a great celebration." Takanuva stopped and said, "When peace was established on Spherus Magna, most of my brethren became Turaga. I stayed a Toa so I could ensure that a Chronicler finished this history. Now, I can join my fellow Toa. Thank you, Kopeke. You have surpassed me as the greatest chronicler; the one who recorded the Biological Chronicle."

Edited by SuperStickman117, Nov 03 2011 - 09:07 PM.

[Malevolence]

Brilliant idea of bringing the series' name into the story itself.

It's short, but very wonderfully done. I'd just recommend paragraphing it better. I lost my place a few times because of it.

I'd also suggest finding a synonym for chronicled in the final sentence. It kind of feels odd to read, "...who chronicled the Biological Chronicle." Perhaps recorded. I may be the only one irked by this, who knows.

[SuperStickman117]

Brilliant idea of bringing the series' name into the story itself.

It's short, but very wonderfully done. I'd just recommend paragraphing it better. I lost my place a few times because of it.

I'd also suggest finding a synonym for chronicled in the final sentence. It kind of feels odd to read, "...who chronicled the Biological Chronicle." Perhaps recorded. I may be the only one irked by this, who knows.

Thanks! I just noticed that thing about the last sentence. I'll change it. I'm horrible at paragraphing, so no hope there. I'm hopelessly lost on how to paragraph dialogue, no matter how much my 6th grade English teacher drilled it into my head.

Edited by SuperStickman117, Nov 03 2011 - 09:08 PM.