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Review: A Play of Light


Takuta-Nui

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I'm thrilled to return to the Epics library with a new story. This has been written over the past year and half, and is the first of a three-book series I wish to bring to BZPower.

 

 

Pronunciations

 

 

 

Vyroko - Vee-RO-ko

 

Nela - NEH-la

 

Nehara - Nee-HA-rah

 

Jehui - JEH-hooee

 

Tahtorak - Tah-TOAR-ack

 

Deschyny - Days-CHEE-nee

 

Aniz - Eye-NEESE

 

 

 

Please enjoy.

Edited by Takuta-Nui
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Part One of the Chrysalis Saga

By Takuta-Nui

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Yay! Been looking forward to this for a long time.

 

I didn't really have time to read the first chapter through when I pulled it up, so I thought I would just skim the open, but it was written so well I couldn't help but delay things and read through to the end. :D

 

Fascinating situation they're in. The color fading thing reminded me of The Giver (book version which I read recently; haven't been able to see the movie yet). Intentional allusion? Anywho, will be curious to find out what's actually happening.

 

And nice attention to the psychology of the characters, as of course I expect from you. :)

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The Destiny of Bionicle (chronological retelling of Bionicle original series, 9 PDFs of 10 chapters each on Google Drive)Part 1 - Warring with Fate | Part 2 - Year of Change | Part 3 - The Exploration Trap | Part 4 - Rise of the Warlords | Part 5 - A Busy Matoran | Part 6 - The Dark Time | Part 7 - Proving Grounds | Part 8 - A Rude Awakening | Part 9 - The Battle of Giants

My Bionicle Fanfiction  (Google Drive folder, eventually planned to have PDFs of all of it)

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Been looking forward to this one for awhile as well. :) I was immediately blown away by your attention to detail - everything from how the water fell (blanket falling for water seems odd, hmm?) to the character's thoughts and feelings. (Nihara and Jehui feel like standouts; Vyroko/Nela not so much yet but I'm sure they'll be on their way soon. :))
 

“What?” Nehara looked around her, and saw it immediately. A piece of her chest armour was hanging loose at an alarming angle. How had it broken like that?
 [/size]
She fingered it gingerly. No pain. It swung slightly at her touch.
 [/size]
Something didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel like an injury.
 [/size]
The shape was very clean-cut. Looked designed that way. She touched it again, and swung it back toward her chest. It joined with the rest of her armour and was gone. Not even a line around the edges.
 [/size]
“That’s interesting,” she heard the Toa of Fire say.
 [/size]
Intrigued, Nehara touched the left side of her chest, where the piece had been. Nothing.
 [/size]
Paused. Tried again, this time with two fingers. Tapped.
 [/size]
The square plate swung open again, just as suddenly there as it was not a moment ago.


No, I'm not going to nitpick too much, just say that it took me a few times reading this to properly visualize it in my head. At first I thought a rather large piece of said chest armor had become displaced.

 

Also, I wonder at this scene: did the black shard come out during Nihara's frantic run, or did she just find the missing bit on the beach? Seems like the former. In any case, the way it interacts with her mind is rather odd here...but then again, this entire story is rather odd as of yet. 

 

Nice work so far. :)

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Second chapter is up. =) I'm planning on Monday updates, and the ending will probably get posted close together. And thank you to bonesiii, fishers64, and Akavakaku for reviewing my first chapter!

 

bones - little fist pump here when you got hooked right away. I really wanted the opening to be irresistible. ;) I have read The Giver book several times and just saw the movie a couple weeks ago. The visual effect would be the same, but very different causes and reasons.

 

Thanks on the psychology. I know I tended to tell more than show in previous epics, but I was better at showing than telling in short stories. I noticed that and studied it a bit, and hope I've succeeded in bringing my short story skill in that area to this one.

 

Fishers - glad I was able to blow your mind immediately! I guess that's a good first impression. :P 

 

Thanks for the nitpick - I don't mind at all. You're right that it wasn't entirely clear, so I edited it a bit:

 

“What?” Nehara looked around her, and saw it immediately. A piece of her armour was hanging loose at an alarming angle from the middle of her chest. How had it broken like that?

 
She fingered it gingerly. No pain. It swung slightly at her touch as if it was attached to her chest with a hinge.

 

 

About the black shard, there's a few mysteries wrapped up in it. I'll stay quiet for now. ;)

 

Akavakaku - is your name a fusion of several Kanohi names? It's cool but I'll have to work to memorize it. :P Glad you said creepy - this part of the story does have an element of the macabre, which actually surprised me as I wrote it. There's more of that coming, so please enjoy!


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Part One of the Chrysalis Saga

By Takuta-Nui

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  • 2 weeks later...

1) Once again, your attention to detail hasn't wavered - I feel like I can't emphasize that enough. :P I have a very clear picture of the island now, the tower, the dome with its machine-like-ring-thingy. I feel like I can see everything, which is remarkable for me on the first reading of any story. It's amazing. :)

2) I like the fact that Vyrokyo's reaction to the spinning thing (a gyroscope?) is actually one of calm in the end. It seems that seems to be a prevading emotion. A lot of writers seem to feel like they have to insert emotion into everything - it's clear that you skipped that and realized that people can actually analyze something detached. :)

Calm seems to be the prevading emotion, it seems. Emotions happen, but then they fade smoothly back into a calm state of examination. It also makes the emotions stand out - it feels like I can see them all, but that they don't affect me. The tone keeps pushing me back into one of detached observation myself. It could have its downsides - some readers may complain that the characters aren't relatable or that the story is dull while missing the tone of the piece - but I think it is a bold move that may pay off later when the mystery starts to get solved because it will make the characters' emotions/reactions that much more vivid...if it doesn't already.

Chapters 2 & 3 really moved things along, setting up a mystery with a fair share of an intriguing puzzle. Lots of machines on yonder lightwashed projection island. It may sound cliche, but I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :)

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2-3:

Motion. It took Vyroko a second to realize that the circle itself was spinning in place, along its edge. The surface was so smooth that he hardly could tell, but he could see a slight play  of light as it rotated.

Two spaces after play.

 

Fascinating two chapters. More of the same sort of things happening as in 1, but not boring, and I sensed a vague idea of threat near the end of 3. No clear antagonist yet unless you count the bugs, or perhaps in LOST style the island. Liked the idea of the perpetually shapeshifting mountain (okay, I'm exaggerating :P).

 

So, I have tons of theories rolling through my brain, some I'd rather not say as they're close to ideas I might wanna actually use sometime. :P But two main ones:

 

1) A Vortixx with a shard... suspiciously similar to Roodaka. Makes me think she might actually be Roodaka with her real memories gone and a false identity given. The others might be Toa and Matoran we know or don't. Or it could all be to throw us off. :P

 

2) Given the title and several things that seem video-game-esque, like the ocean's starting position (a glitch?), I can't help but think they're all in a holodeck or something like that.

The Destiny of Bionicle (chronological retelling of Bionicle original series, 9 PDFs of 10 chapters each on Google Drive)Part 1 - Warring with Fate | Part 2 - Year of Change | Part 3 - The Exploration Trap | Part 4 - Rise of the Warlords | Part 5 - A Busy Matoran | Part 6 - The Dark Time | Part 7 - Proving Grounds | Part 8 - A Rude Awakening | Part 9 - The Battle of Giants

My Bionicle Fanfiction  (Google Drive folder, eventually planned to have PDFs of all of it)

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Fourth chapter has been released!

 

Akavakaku - cool name origin. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story. :)

 

fishers - Good feedback on description! I know how hard it is to visualize some things in a story where there's so much unknown involved, but I figured out a way to work with that. Since the characters also don't know much more than we do, they'll rely a lot on visual cues, and tend to pay attention to the details of whatever they encounter. So that lets me be descriptive without being florid.

 

Thanks as well about the balance of emotion. I followed my instinct with Vyroko's character here. You should take note of this tendency to be calm even with such strange circumstances. It may be significant later! ;)

 

There is a real risk with this kind of story and cast that you pointed out. They're starting out almost like blank slates (the famous tabula rasa we all learn about in university), so they have to struggle to develop unique identities. This means the reader doesn't get much in the way of immediate characterization, but instead has to trust me and pay attention to the decisions the characters make. Those decisions are what create identities in this situation. It was a really interesting experiment to write that way and I do think it pays off throughout the story.

 

bones - you'll get your antagonist(s) soon enough.

 

Good theory about Nehara. I won't say if it's false.

 

Also good theory about virtuality. Also won't say if it's false. ;)

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Part One of the Chrysalis Saga

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Explosions!

 

Or something. Anywho... more detail on the ice tower thing from the previous, and something I fully expected -- that Jehui could see it with his Iden ring (or, re: one paragraph... "Btou" ring [something from my fanfics for those who don't know] activating a Kanohi Iden?). I expect you expected us to expect that. :P And definitely more of a sense of being on the threshold of discovering an (the?) enemy, or at least the characters seem convinced there is such an enemy.

 

Confused about several other points, but not in a bad way. I just want to absorb every detail and hope that I'll get "aha moments" later and they'll all make sense. :) I did feel like this could, for some readers (didn't for me but got borderline) feel like just random virtual troubles being thrown at them, so the patterns could begin to feel irrelevant. Of course, maybe that's intentional, dunno, but I'm presuming for now that there is a pattern and probably their lives will depend somehow on their discerning it.

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The Destiny of Bionicle (chronological retelling of Bionicle original series, 9 PDFs of 10 chapters each on Google Drive)Part 1 - Warring with Fate | Part 2 - Year of Change | Part 3 - The Exploration Trap | Part 4 - Rise of the Warlords | Part 5 - A Busy Matoran | Part 6 - The Dark Time | Part 7 - Proving Grounds | Part 8 - A Rude Awakening | Part 9 - The Battle of Giants

My Bionicle Fanfiction  (Google Drive folder, eventually planned to have PDFs of all of it)

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Chapter 5 bring with it more light on the mystery of the ice tower. I am going to feel bad if I don't say this now... no matter what you think at the end of this chapter, you are almost definitely being baited and switched. ;P What's going on is NOT what you think it is.

 

bones - More or less expected you to expect it, yeah. A BIONICLE reader will be familiar with the Iden and spirit forms, and the "ghostly" description isn't too far of a connection.

 

There's an enemy for sure. But the convictions you mention... different story. ;)

 

I think that's good feedback about the random problems. I feel I was pushing the envelope here a bit, but a couple more chapters really start to fill in more. Thanks for hanging in there!


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Part One of the Chrysalis Saga

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I'm just going to post this, and then go read chapter 5:
 
Chapter 4:

The trees on the beach swayed alarmingly, but Jehui saw many trees further inland shoot up and away from the source of the explosion.

 
This feels like a very weird way to write the effects of a explosion on trees. It feels like the trees are moving of their own power away from the blast lol, even though my logical mind says, "This is not the case".
 
There are many oblique refrences like this - the water, in particular, gave me this weird feeling that strange physics were involved. With the one semi-confirmation of inertial dampeners - the falling and not impacting hard thing - gives me this thought that physics are not what they should be. The wording is such that I could interpret it as normal physics, but the normal physics explanation does not spring quite so readily to mind.
 
I can't escape from the word "projector". Not sure if the word was quite what you had in mind, but the lightwashing effect of the beginning gives me this picture of a huge bulb behind the gray sky and someone blending the color slides in. 
 
Theory: The babzako wasp illusion (???) was caused by speakers that produced sound, and possibly a projection that produced light that looked like wasps. When Vyroko used his fire, the projection was cut off, making it appear that the fire defeated the wasps. 
 
Theory: Somehow Nela was transported somewhere else, and replaced by a projection of herself from some source. 
 
Must be a pretty sophisticated projector system at work, though. Just throwing that out there. 

 

 I expect you expected us to expect that. :P

 
:P
 
I thought the biggest Paracosmos ref so far was the black metal (+inertial dampeners, hmm?), but well enough. :P I'm still not sure that I buy the Btou ring theory just yet. For one thing, it's a character theory - for another, the ring lets him stay upright while using it, and he has to turn the ring to activate it, whereas with Btou you could just use the mask if you had the staff on you. There's just a little more to it than that IMO. :P
 

The sky was black. The sea was gone. He was surrounded by trees.

 
Now this so far is my biggest headscratcher. If the sky is black, how do the characters have light to see? IIRC no moon or stars are mentioned, nor is their any mention of it being night. Unless the entire world is blackwhite. :P
 
Theory: Yep, sure thing. It's the tower of light and ice, which opens the blackwhite world. :P
 
Except everything else seems normally described to me. I don't recall any color decriptions in there right off hand, although that could be selective memory talking. The real question is how blackwhite characters would precieve things in a blackwhite world. 
 
Call it a riddle for the ages.

 

EDIT: 

 

Chapter 5: I'm just going to say the microcosm/macrocosm theory did spring to mind, but that doesn't match up with the gray sky and the explosions. Unlikely.

 

My second thought was that the projection in the tower is another illusion. It also may be a spirit of some kind, given the tower's odd relation to the spirit world, which I have no confidence in understanding of it. 

 

My third thought is that the black sky is a reference to the black metal, and this is some sort of computer system/controller. That would be supported by the phrase "Tower of Ice", which seems to operate like a password.  

 

And my final thought is that all of that doesn't matter, that the island has no relation to the tower at all, and the whole thing is an elaborate trick to get me to think like a physicist when the whole thing is metaphysical in nature and tied to the character's spirit projections. 

 

So far, all of those theories are equally likely. And equally, well, wrong. The truth is varied and probably somewhere in between. I think my theories off chapter 4 carry more weight than these do - and they were, literally, a shot in the dark. 

 

In any case, I see that your risks are adding up to big payoffs already. You've done a terrific job of keeping me engaged - witness this long wall of text. Excellent work, and I look forward to more.  

Edited by fishers64
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5's end:

 

I really, reeeeeeeally, reeeeeeeeeeeally should have seen that coming lol.

 

Well done.

 

I was thoroughly confused by the end of the first Jehui section and beginning of the second as to where everything was spatially. Maybe you could summarize it here. I could probably figure it out if I took the time to re-read all the relevant sections carefully but I don't really feel like it. Not sure if it was my fault for reading too fast or if the description wasn't clear enough. Was confused especially on how the two towers relate, and the doors. And still confused about the ground-level then... not... thing from Nela's intro to the tower earlier.

 

The fog is interesting. Dunno what to make of that. Seemed villainous at first, and then maybe good or neutral. I had the feeling that running from it was the wrong approach, but that nobody sane would do anything else, heh.

 

No idea what the little ice thingamabobs are, or the chain.

 

So... what I'm thinking now is that, regardless of how real the full island or small island is, or if they really are the same thing, the small one is like a control interface (perhaps this is just a metaphor though) for the fullsize one, and that scary door might be where the antagonist dwells, and sometimes comes out to control the island. And I guess maybe the islands literally are the same and there's some wormhole weirdness going on including size changes between the exit to the tower onto the island. And I guess this explains the black sky.

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The Destiny of Bionicle (chronological retelling of Bionicle original series, 9 PDFs of 10 chapters each on Google Drive)Part 1 - Warring with Fate | Part 2 - Year of Change | Part 3 - The Exploration Trap | Part 4 - Rise of the Warlords | Part 5 - A Busy Matoran | Part 6 - The Dark Time | Part 7 - Proving Grounds | Part 8 - A Rude Awakening | Part 9 - The Battle of Giants

My Bionicle Fanfiction  (Google Drive folder, eventually planned to have PDFs of all of it)

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The story only gets more intriguing as the chapters come out. I agree heartily with the the many praises above. :)

 

The only problem I've had so far is with your habit of leaving off subjects to make sentences shorter. It might just be part of your style, and that's fine. There are places where the succinct wording helps convey a sense of urgency, but it sort of feels overdone so far in these chapters.

Every hero is born from his enemy; every leader, his followers; and every father, his children.

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Chapter 6 is up with a few more clues as to what's going on. Based on some of the comments I'm seeing, I feel like someone may catch on sooner than later. A hint: fishers is correct that physics is not what they should be.

 

fishers - I'm actually not sure how to change that line about the trees. Maybe the wording was too deliberate? I only meant to make it clear that the explosion was actually blowing trees out of the ground and away, not just bending them over in a wind. But you're right on about the other weird physics - they're all happening that way for a reason.

 

Projector: it's a good word to use. Does it have any explanatory power for what happened, though? Not really. :P

 

First theory: It's spelled Bibaka, but it's not that important anymore, don't worry. I won't answer since chapter 6 pretty much confirms.

 

Second theory: Transported, yes, but not replaced. Jehui was simply seeing a genuine ghost image.

 

Black metal isn't really intended as a Paracosmos reference, but I was aware of the physical similarity. As more of this story unfolds, I'm confident you'll see that it's a very different kind of substance.

 

The "black light" in the tower of ice realm is properly black, yes. They see colour and such because of what I call "movie cave lighting" lol. Ever notice how characters go into a cave that has no visible sources of light, and yet we can see them (unless the movie goes the extreme realism direction and the scene is pitch black)? That's basically what's happening here, but it's not an excuse I'm throwing out. Again, there's a reason for this pattern of 'convenient' physics. It's all connected!

 

Some great thoughts in the latter half of your review. I'll let you continue sifting through them at this stage. :) And thank you for confirming I achieved a payoff - that's important! There's more coming.

 

bones - *bows* Glad I was able to take you by surprise.

 

Fair that you got confused - it's intended to be a bit weirdly abstract. More sensation than actual physical event. But basically, an observer would have seen Jehui standing in front of the strange doorway and stepping into it, then stepping back into the tower. Jehui didn't turn around - he simply entered the second tower where Nela was. This was an event that couldn't be visible because the towers existed in the same space. Jehui passed between them through the doorway, which was akin to a rupture and hence why it felt so 'wrong.' Doing that allowed the rupture to heal up. It's easy to miss so I'll say it outright - there weren't supposed to be two towers. That part was a mistake - but caused by what? ;)

 

Maybe there's a control interface, maybe there's a metaphor. Maybe there's wormhole weirdness or something else going on. Jehui will help you figure it out in a bit. :P

 

LanceMuch7 - glad to have another reader! Thank you for your appreciation and feedback. I agree that the abrupt sentences may have been overdone in this early part. Keep in mind I hadn't written creatively for a few years due to university so I was still de-rusting and settling on the kind of voice and pace I wanted. Not an excuse either, as I intentionally wrapped this story up quickly since I didn't want to dwell and obsess on details. It does tone down in a few chapters, though!


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Part One of the Chrysalis Saga

By Takuta-Nui

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Finally getting around to reviewing this! 

 

First off its pleasing to see your return to the library, and I've been anxiously awaiting this story's start. I've read the first few chapters a few times, and as with everyone else, I've been hooked into it. I'm curious at your ensemble of characters, because I'm wondering what each will bring to the table. It seems as if the primary conflict is discovering their pasts, but knowing you, there's more to it than that. But so far you've set up the play with a number of mysteries. I have a feeling that A Play of Light doesn't necessarily mean the beam of light, that it could mean something else, but I'm willing to wait and see. 

 

Enough general ranting, I'll get into the chapter by chapter.

 

Three:

Your characterization with your elementals is intriguing, such as Toa Nela's referring to being in her element at the beginning of the chapter. But whatever contraptions are being discovered on the island-- the tower of ice, the underground dome Vyroko falls into... they seem to be neutral places, advanced technologically but still playing into the nature aspect of the island. They seem neutral in the sense that they dint benefit or harm our Toa, so it seems the only question is what are they there for?

 

Also, friend, chapter 3 is cut off from the last time I read it, you may want to fix that ;)

 

Four:

Reading a little further into the chapter, it looks like Nela is in spirit form when she is at the ice tower? Could this possibly have influence on how she got to the top of the tower so quickly. Jehui and his constant seeing blank surfaces as gazes... does it mean that whatever is going on here on the island is more powerful than them, in terms of control on the island? Your sentence structure, I must comment. short and vague, with odd wordings, leave a good sense of building mystery here, but it sometimes makes me feel as though I'm missing details of the story. 

What was the third time they encountered the metal? Also, I feel like you havent mentioned Vyroko's Kanohi, if I havent missed it, and have you done this for a reason? 

 

Five:

This is confusing and fascinating at the same time. In regards to Nehara/Vyroko, they seem o be getting closer in terms of direction to the mountain, but they do not seem... there. And as for the mist people, it seems something Great Being esque about it. But the whole discovering that little feedback system... is the island Jehui found a ship-in-a-bottle form of the real one?

 

I'm going to take a break now, reread stuff, but I'll be back with more, trying to figure out this mystery youve conjured with this story. Looking forward to more!

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Gonna quickly post about that missing end of chapter 3... there's something sketchy going on there.

 

It appears to be fixed now, but here's what just happened. I looked, saw Nick Silverpen was correct, and clicked the quick edit button. Got the window to make edits, copied in the missing part, and adjusted font and size to match. Then I saw the review topic link was also missing, so I saved before going to get that from another post.

 

Checked chapter 3 to make sure it had all saved. It did. Went to edit chapter 2, copied the review link, cancelled the edit and went back to edit chapter 3. The last part was missing from the edit window. (huh?) So I pasted in the link, then pasted in the missing bit again, adjusted, and saved. Refreshed page, it's all still there. Very weird. Let's keep an eye on it.

 

While I'm here, I might as well reply to Nick's review. :P

 

You're right that the primary source of mystery and conflict is their lack of past and figuring out what's going on at a world-level scale. Each of these characters brings something to the proverbial table for sure, and there will actually be a big ol' obvious hint about that in a few chapters.

 

Story title can mean a lot of things. I can assure you here that it does have multiple meanings, some literal and some metaphorical.

 

Three - I like that you noticed the somewhat neutral aspect of the things they're encountering. It's a certain pattern, and I don't know if I would say they're all completely neutral, but there is a pattern related to the black metal.

 

Four - Nela is in spirit form, yes. This is a side effect of what happened to cause the ice tower in the first place - Nela got caught up in that event, so to speak, so she consequently had to be "converted" into spirit form to exist there. It's a different type of spirit form as to Jehui's use of the Iden, since he is completely invisible and undetectable while she just becomes ghost-like and intangible. This isn't supposed to be a mystery - it's simply due to the fact that the ice tower and the Iden are two different types of spirit form/realms. It's also not very important, so that's why I only implied this.

 

The third time they encountered the metal - that's what Nehara said. I don't want to spoil the answer, but it's something she is already thinking about, but hinted very very faintly in that line of dialogue. I would suggest re-reading that bit and thinking about why she would say that.

 

Vyroko's Kanohi hasn't been addressed yet, no. :)

 

Five - Yeah, the very process of getting to the mountain is like climbing the mountain itself, so to speak lol. The struggle is real but it will be over soon!

 

Glad to have you reading my story as well, Mr. Silverpen. :)


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Part One of the Chrysalis Saga

By Takuta-Nui

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6:

 

The opening with the being walking by was really engaging. I was fascinating by the being's description. Then again when apparently it was a Tahtorak (though confused because earlier I thought the being wasn't much taller than a Toa... then again, the characters in the story wouldn't necessarily know Tahtorak are bigger normally... and there's obviously already funky size stuff going on in the story -- still, I wondered if I'd misread and it actually is that big here).

The idea of a Tahtorak transformed to a bipedal form (apparently) and more like a normal titan size (apparently?) is pretty awesome. Maybe my misunderstanding, maybe what you meant... unsure, but cool?

So, V&N(&T) think the fog is bad, as it chases J&N. I'm still not sure it is... But then, one chaser has already turned out to be evidently good, so... the other here might be bad.

And apparently there's another chaser that is allegedly bad and may... may be the antagonist. Maybe. Or maybe the fog is... or... something.

To the last section:

Hm.

The Destiny of Bionicle (chronological retelling of Bionicle original series, 9 PDFs of 10 chapters each on Google Drive)Part 1 - Warring with Fate | Part 2 - Year of Change | Part 3 - The Exploration Trap | Part 4 - Rise of the Warlords | Part 5 - A Busy Matoran | Part 6 - The Dark Time | Part 7 - Proving Grounds | Part 8 - A Rude Awakening | Part 9 - The Battle of Giants

My Bionicle Fanfiction  (Google Drive folder, eventually planned to have PDFs of all of it)

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Chapter 7 is up, and the door is open at last.

 

I'm getting very frustrated with posting these chapters because there seems to be a glitch. Same as what Nick pointed out - a chapter will be missing the end bit. I literally posted this one and then went to edit in the review link, and the edit window was missing the ending even though that had made it through into the original post. At this point, there are two chapters without review links because I can't edit them in without losing part of the chapter. I might just have to go with that and add the link in my signature so it's still sort of there.

 

Any ideas, my dear readers?

 

bones - you did read correctly that Tahtorak has been transformed into a bipedal form. Glad you liked that. No scale weirdness going on with Tahtorak.

 

Other comments - well, we've got everyone back together, so things will start to move more purposefully. Your questions will be answered.


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Part One of the Chrysalis Saga

By Takuta-Nui

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Curious about the glitch... did you write this in a program like Word? If so, how many pages have the chapters in question (and not in question? is it happening to all of them that you've edited?) been?

I've been editing every single retelling chapter (to put in the author's comments post link each time), and haven't run into this, even though I've posted some in the teens of pages, getting close in a few cases to my pre-Part-Nine limit of 20 pages each. (I sure hope it's not a length thing, as later chapters will be in trouble. Wouldn't be the first time BZP has had discrepencies between maximums in posting versus editing, unfortunately. If it persists, might wanna ask if B6 might know what's causing it.)

Am confused about the review link needing edited in though. Are you saying just that is going missing? Part of it? Whole thing? And was the review link (for the review topic as a whole) the purpose of editing? (I would think not, as you could include that the first time you post, no? Did I read this wrong?)

7:

Animal perspective FTW. Perfect choice of POV there. I hope we see more from him, assuming you make sure the animal side statement doesn't get too repetitive. :)

"The magic box was a metaphor, John." -- Ben Linus

 

It really had been a dangerous situation they had been in. Nehara thought back to when she had been caught in the blast and sent flying. If she had been too close, or even underneath Nela's invisible feet when they had come down...

Perhaps Tahtorak was more trustworthy than she was giving him credit for.


I seem to have completely forgotten the context of the last line here, or why it would be connected to the giant footfalls. As usual it's probably my fault (since memory is involved :P) but I figured I'd let you know.

I liked the part about the Gliding up with a kick. Clever usage of powers is a good thing to try to get in Bionicle fanfics, and it made me see the power as validly up there in terms of usefulness with Levitation and Flight. A bit redundant of both, but that's logical given that infinite powers are possible. And more to the point, nice to have it have a morale effect in the way Vyroko chose to use it.

 

"The island, again?" Nela asked, walking up next to them. Nehara wondered why she sounded upset before remembering that she and Jehui had just dealt with a miniature model of the island which turned out to be the real thing. No wonder it was distressing to encounter another portrayal of the land they stood on.


Second two sentences seemed unnecessary to me, since the reader was already made so clear on this. Does make sense Nehara might need to recall hearing their tale of it, but I think given the shock of the giants in the sky, she would probably do that automatically without having a conscious thought about it, or at least not a moment of forgetting it before that. I think it reads better in this case with only the quote, the said-tag, and the rest of that sentence.

Okay so... the shard was used before, apparently by the illusions-caster, and that activated the tower of light that Jehui and Nela saw earlier?

And then left at the base of the door/map. Odd. The caster went to the trouble of stealing it, then just leaves it there? Hm...

And... this metaphor... the map seems to be a control interface at least for switching on this light (not going to even try to guess what this all means, but running with this much). And Jehui's "metaphor tower that was physically real" was activated at that time. Seems like a connection...

A crazy idea occurs that maybe Jehui is the caster... maybe "sleepwalking" and unaware of it, in his spirit form, and it's some spirit-related thingamabob that makes the "bees". But that seems deeply unlikely and I don't think the timing works anyways, so nah.

 

“Whatever is behind this door,” she said quietly, “is incredibly dangerous. It is a bomb of some kind. And when it gets deactivated, like it is now… that stored-up energy has to go somewhere.”


LOL Hatch.

I suspect the theory's wrong, because a character is assuming it. A red herring for us LOST fans? :lookaround:

Nice poem. *resists urge to take the bait about Vyroko*

So apparently the egg contains truth, and the truth is that Tahtorak was fused with two Keetonguans. However, this cannot actually be true, because it doesn't rhyme.
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Okay, first off - you win seriously for Tahtorak inclusion. :P
 
He IS a well developed character though. Cool mystery reveals.  
 
Not sure what Jehui meant by "metaphor" just yet - the power is a metaphor for what? The island? But why an ice tower as a metaphor for an island? Do we even know that it is symbolic? The plot thickens. :)
 
Chapter 6: 

 

The Tahtorak continued, looking at Vyroko. “By tracking the source of these illusions, I was able to secretly encounter each of you during your first moments on this island, and later when you were all together. But today, I was only able to track you two when you split up.”
 
He paused, waiting for them to catch onto the pattern.
 
“The source you’re tracking,” Vyroko said finally, “is tracking us?”

 
Theory: The illusion master is tracking Nehara specifically. I raise the black shard and the wasps, a specific antagonistic move toward Nehara. 
 
Theory: Each of the characters has a different relationship to the odd physical phenomenon. 
 
Particularly, Nela and Nehara appear to be in the middle of it, Vyroko and Jehui in a bit more of a solving role that seems to be further away. Could be a bit of a traditional dynamic surfacing rather than a mystery hint - in writing a story, tends to surface. 
 

A strand of light tan was visible beyond the trees. The beach.

On the strand, two dots, barely visible. Something was strange about what Nehara was seeing. Seemed as if it wasn’t the distance that made the dots hard to see... the dots themselves seemed to be almost completely transparent.

One dot was blue, and the other grey.

“You’re right,” Nehara said. “That’s Nela and Jehui. Why are they still there? By this time they should already be south of us and making their way to the mountain.”


Is this section a false character theory? If so, what are the gray dots? Another mystery? Hmm.
 
FTR, I think this section caused a bit of blurriness as to the character positions that left Jehui's and Nela's positions confusing on the first pass. It took the second pass to get the picture.  
 

From here, they looked upon the miniature island. Neither had anything else to say at this point.
 
Nela shook her head suddenly. She thought she had seen something, but surely it was a trick of the eye.
 
Motion, on the island.
 
Crimson red and black across deep green.

This seems to refer to the fog, which I think is odd. It could indicate that the fog is evil, but since the characters created the tower, perhaps their perceptions inform the fog-view? Or it could be that the fog is the opposite of ice. Huh. 
 
Hmm, it seems that the end of Chapter 6 is cut off, and there is an error there. I thought post downvotes were disabled. Blargh. Thankfully, I backed up the orginal post in my email, so I'm going to switch to that and finish the review. :) [/paranoid nerd :P] (For errors such as these, I highly suggest the Tracker, or if that's too confusing just do it the old-fashioned way and PM B6.)
 
There we go. Ok, so that was probably the illusion master with the gray dots tricking them again. Maybe? That seems like the best explanation. And now the two are down on the beach when Nela/Jehui appear. 
 
Chapter 7:
Theory: Jehui has the power to grow or shrink his immediate surroundings.
 
And that's all for this one. I'm not sure what to make of Tahtorak's poem yet. I thought there was a ref to the truth rhyming in here, but I can't seem to find it now. bones is decieving me again. :P
 
And, it seems, so may Vyroko. But he may have a good reason.

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Chapter 8 up and the first big secret is (mostly) revealed!

 

I fixed the glitch. *happy dance* I realized that when I copied and pasted from Pages (Apple's word processor app), it seems that the site's coding treats the indent at the beginning of each paragraph in a weird way. I wasn't consistently removing the indents, which caused the glitch as part of the post would have indents and another wouldn't. I edited each chapter and got rid of them all, and it looks like everything is how it should be. It was also my bad habit to post and then edit in the review topic... completely avoidable and I've learned that now. :)

 

bones - LOL seeing just how many LOST references litter my writing, I'm hoping that clears out once we move past this part of the plot. :P

 

Nehara is remembering when she was chasing Tahtorak (thinking she was chasing the illusion controller). Tahtorak was leading her away from the impending impact he sensed, which he explains when they meet on the mountain stairs.

 

Mask of Gliding will have a role later on, but glad you approve of its use here.

 

Good point about the wordiness of Nela's reaction. I'll edit that later. (Edit - how about this?)

 

 

"The island, again?" Nela sounded exasperated. Nehara gave her a sympathetic look.

 

Yes, the shard was used before (by who is unconfirmed), explaining the light they saw pop up when they slept on the cliffs. You're following the right path here in your thinking, and there is a connection between the door, the light, and the ice tower. Good that you mentioned Jehui, but the paradigm of your thinking suggests to me you're still falling for my bait and switch. ;)

 

fishers - I like Tahtorak too. One of the more unusual members of the cast, and one that actually came to me in a moment of inspiration when I was writing the cliff stairs scene.

 

Enjoying your attempt to define the roles of everyone. It's a good way to make sense of events, and you'll get some help in a couple of chapters.

 

There's only one grey dot, and one blue dot - those were Nela and Jehui in their semi-transparent state on the beach. Sorry if that was not clear, but I thought it was due to the dialogue that follows? :shrug:

 

Last quote - my bad. You got tangled up in my fancy language lol. It was describing Nela seeing the figures of Vyroko and Nehara glide across the forest of the island.

 

Good theory about Jehui's power. He has a power, clearly - what it is will become clearer over time.

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I don't have much to say this time. Just wanna see the next chapter! POST IT POST IT POST IT lol. :P
 

*ahem*

 

Eh, I'm not really buying anything right now, except that the face-value of things is the face-value of things. I'm not sure, though, if I sensed that it's a bait and switch on my own, or because you said it in the review topic. Since you said it, I don't know what my natural reaction would have been. :( One reason why I try to avoid reveals like that in out-story comments as much as possible. :shrugs: I do know I thought a lot of illusory type things were going on; that's pretty clear, so that the whole thing is somehow tricking the reader doesn't seem like that big a leap.

The Destiny of Bionicle (chronological retelling of Bionicle original series, 9 PDFs of 10 chapters each on Google Drive)Part 1 - Warring with Fate | Part 2 - Year of Change | Part 3 - The Exploration Trap | Part 4 - Rise of the Warlords | Part 5 - A Busy Matoran | Part 6 - The Dark Time | Part 7 - Proving Grounds | Part 8 - A Rude Awakening | Part 9 - The Battle of Giants

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I don't have much to say this time. Just wanna see the next chapter! POST IT POST IT POST IT lol. :P

 

*ahem*

 

Eh, I'm not really buying anything right now, except that the face-value of things is the face-value of things. I'm not sure, though, if I sensed that it's a bait and switch on my own, or because you said it in the review topic. Since you said it, I don't know what my natural reaction would have been. :( One reason why I try to avoid reveals like that in out-story comments as much as possible. :shrugs: I do know I thought a lot of illusory type things were going on; that's pretty clear, so that the whole thing is somehow tricking the reader doesn't seem like that big a leap.

Eep. Better keep my mouth shut for a while, then.  :ziplip:  Or rather, for me in particular - *ties up hands behind back*

 

There's a new mystery that emerges in this chapter alongside the explanation of most of what's been going on since they woke up. So I'll let you grapple with that for the next while. Glad the cliffhanger worked for you, though!


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Part One of the Chrysalis Saga

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It was taken from you - I remember you say that.

saying (or said?)

 

 

I probably won't have much time to keep up with reviewing here in coming weeks. Apologies in advance. :(

 

I did read the latest chapter, though I had to skim in places near the end. I liked the way you revealed the illusions character. Confused on how to pronounce the name, not sure I like this name, to be honest. The character is interesting though. He'd seemed like a candidate for the main, or an important, antagonist, but how he quickly convinced them he was on their side and now seems to be sort of an authority figure among them was written well -- and it would be easy to do it wrong so it wouldn't be believable.

 

Given some of what he said, and Vyroko's find about his mask at the end, it seems suggested that something is controlling access to things based on what powers people have (and/or personality), and this something seems to WANT them to succeed. It seems Vyroko was chosen to enter that hole because his mask could enable him to survive the fall, and others might die or be seriously injured. And the egg's connection to the Toa of Light seems to be about amplifying his light power, and not any other power. The latter of which seems to also suggest the egg is in charge of other illusions around the island, possibly the whole island. Perhaps the egg is the something choosing access to things for benevolent reasons?

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Another intriguing chapter, as always.

 

Theory: Deschyny is actually drunk and couldn't pronounce his name properly, which is "Destiny." Also, he is some sort of personification of their collective destiny on the island...

 

Yeah, I'm just running with anything I can at this point. A crazy idea has as little chance of being correct as a logical one in this story. :P

Every hero is born from his enemy; every leader, his followers; and every father, his children.

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Chapter 8-9: Vyroko's Mask of Gliding theory is consistant with his theory that Nehara was strong enough to survive her fall in previous chapters. Given how Nehara's fall was actually described, I'm pretty certain that he's wrong. 

 

This may come back to haunt him later, but not sure how. 

 

Not sure what to say about the rest of it. Deschyny's theory may be true, but also not sure - Nehara is kind of the hole in that. If it is though, I theorize the Nela has a connection to the water of the island and its strange physics.

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Chapter 10 is here. :)

 

bones - You made me realize it's time to add pronunciations to the first post, so I've done that. Hope the name makes more sense in your head now - if not, well, it shouldn't hurt the story too much. :P I like that his reveal and subsequent allying made sense and didn't feel forced. That chapter might be one of the most heavily revised chapters of this book because of that.

 

The egg is certainly important to how the island works, yes. A few more clues have been dropped already throughout the story, including a big one in how Deschyny was revealed. I'm curious to see how your theory will respond to chapter 10, though.

 

Lance - I can assure you that no alcohol was involved in the writing, making, and performance of this story. ;) But I actually am encouraged by your little theory. Don't drop that just yet. It might evolve as you read the next few chapters.

 

fishers - I'm not sure what you think Vyroko was wrong about - the fact that his Mask of Gliding accidentally activated the first time he fell into the underground chamber? Maybe we can understand each other better if we quickly review the examples. Vyroko falls first time, doesn't feel impact. Nehara is thrown by explosion, lands safely under her own strength. Vyroko jumps off mountain with Nehara, they land safely thanks to his mask. They go back to the underground chamber, and they all enter safely thanks again to his mask. It all seems consistent. Sorry if your point is whooshing over my head right now!

 

 

EDIT - I won't be posting the next chapter until further notice. I've been told that chapters are still getting cut off, so it seems that the software is retroactively cutting them off even after I've successfully edited them back in and refreshed the page. This can't be a character limit issue, as I know most of my chapters are shorter than bones' in The Destiny of Bionicle. I'm reporting the topic to get the staff's attention, and see if anything can be done.

 

If they aren't able to figure it out (without any complicated code analysis, anyway) then I'll see about creating PDF files that can be downloaded and attaching each chapter to each related post. Unsure how that works on this forum now, but we will find a solution. If you have any ideas, I would appreciate hearing from you.

 

EDIT 2 - The staff recognize this as a legitimate bug affecting other writers here. Pending a resolution, I'm going to go over the chapters again tomorrow and try my PDF idea.

 

EDIT 3 - PDFs have been attached for each chapter that's affected. I would like to do this for all chapters, but the file upload limit appears to apply to an entire topic, not each individual post. So I've already used up most of that space. Hopefully not many more chapters get hit by this bug, otherwise I'll have to create a new solution.

 

Chapter 11 will be posted this coming Monday to resume our schedule. =)

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fishers - I'm not sure what you think Vyroko was wrong about - the fact that his Mask of Gliding accidentally activated the first time he fell into the underground chamber? Maybe we can understand each other better if we quickly review the examples. Vyroko falls first time, doesn't feel impact. Nehara is thrown by explosion, lands safely under her own strength. Vyroko jumps off mountain with Nehara, they land safely thanks to his mask. They go back to the underground chamber, and they all enter safely thanks again to his mask. It all seems consistent. Sorry if your point is whooshing over my head right now!

 

Hurtled through another wall of foliage and burst into a small clearing. The black-armoured Vortixx was standing on her feet and looked quite surprised that this was the case.

 

"Are you all right? What happened?" Vyroko panted.

 

"Yes," Nehara replied while checking herself. Then she looked up at the Toa. "I just landed like this... managed to find my balance and hit the ground. It didn't hurt at all."

 

Vyroko was impressed. "You must not know your strength yet. I remember... well, I don't actually have a memory of it. But I just know that Vortixx tend to be very strong."

This doesn't seem like Nehara landed of her own strength, since what she said is very similar to Vyroko's earlier fall - a fall without injury, instead of...what happened in Chapter 11.

 

Chapter 10-11: 

 

Theory: There is some sort of mental connection between Vyroko and Desynchy...apparently, to the rings they have the same identity?

 

Mildly touches on an idea I was going to use for another story, but it's not quite the same one. 

 

Theory: Something bad is connected to both Vyroko and Desynchy, but isn't them. They are innocent, but something is trying to use them. 

 

Theory: The fog opposes Desynychy and Vyroko, but not Nehara and Jehui. 

 

Why do I get the feeling that the y's and h's in the names link people?

 

Theory: The turning the hand around the fingers is a sign for "Mask Activation" or "Spirit." The ring is just a guide. 

 

Sign Powers. *knowing eyebrow raise* ;)

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Chapter 12 is up a day late. I'm flying out to Seattle today for a week so I've been a bit busy packing!

 

fishers - I'm nodding at your comments and will let you develop your theories as time goes on. :) But yes, signing powers is a quite personal aspect of the story to me. ;) Jehui will give it a more proper name later on so stay tuned for that.

 

Edit - Chapter 13 today. It's also my last day in Seattle. I've had a lovely time here and got a lot of writing done in the second book.

 

I'm not going to pretend I'm not nervous about the last two chapters. The lack of responses just makes me think it's a busy week for everyone, but this is probably the most pivotal character development since it has consequences until the ending. Hope my readers approve of how I handled it. ^_^

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Every time I see a new chapter is released, I go back a few chapters t try and pick up any clues you may have left as to what is going on. I will be using this post to be shooting a lot of theories at you. So starting with chapter 8, here we go!


 


Theory: When Nela and Jehui encountered the conveyor belt with the coins, that dropped into the water, I somehow feel that is connected to Nela and her arrival on the island. As though maybe the mini version of her was in a conveyor belt, or she is represented by one of those coins. This might explain how she “awoke in midair, in her element”, etc etc. But I’m not sure how it connects the others though, and I want to still work on it before discussing it any further. 


 


An observance— after the revelation of Deschyny, there is no more noting of the ticking and the egg. What’s up with that? Was he somehow causing the ticking as a little silent wave to the group, to let them figure out he was there, or is it still something due to the buildup of energy within the egg? 


 


Vyroko’s odd armor. If he and Deschyny were of one being, was does the armor explain? Were they a different color and this hints at their malevolent nature or whatever?


 


 


What Deschyny says in chapter 9, about each member of the group having a mystery, reminds me of the Toa Mata and their Shadow counterparts from Tales of the Masks. They each had their own mystery/challenge, but it was through the help of everyone else that they overcame the challenges. Jehui and Nela together figured out the mystery tower, and Tahtorak and Nela helped Vyroko figure out a bit of the mystery of the glass plates underground. I wonder if this will continue, and someone else knows the answer to the egg’s power. 


 


 


I keep looking for clues because this is such a compelling mystery that is addicting to read. Tahtorak’s comment on necessity sums it up— everything seems very natural yet at the same time very choreographed. The running in circles of these mysteries is captivating, and I’m anxious to see what it is all coming to. Your past stories don’t seem to be confined to one island, and I keep falling back into the idea that this egg bomb, the importance of the sky, all have an effect to somewhere off island; ditching the theory pitching, your writing is increasingly different from the Absolutity, as you have stated earlier in this topic, and finding a new way to write a mystery with more streamlined writing keeps me hooked. 


 


The poem within the rings I feel is a little proof toward the chain rotation theory I have stated above. “The eternal turning returns one of the six/Their circle is cursed and must not be broken”. This could mean the chain must be depositing a coin permanently in the island metaphor underneath the tower, and the two towers themselves were never meant to be broken? I’m really trying to go abstract here to make these connections. 


 


Nela, Nahara, Tahtorak, Vyroko, Jehui, Deschyny— are these five or six mentioned, with the new information reveal of the two Toa being one entity? Im not sure, but I believe that the two aren’t really Toa, or at least one of them…


 


I am burning to see some interaction from the fog, a direct message about what it wants or its intent. It can’t just be a guardian, does it? And is it connected to the dark fog, the nighttime one that tried to attack them before the To a of Light was revealed, or is it a separate entity? This is burning me up. Jehui is seen communicating with it, can Nela use her power over water as a sort of common language with it?


 


 


Something that confuses me— Why does Tahtorak so easily believe that mysterious riddle? I feel like there isn't a shred of proof that Vyroko has done anything wrong, only misguided thoughts. Could you further explain why Tahtorak suddenly takes up a grudge against the Toa of Fire?


 


 


 


That last chapter was… triply, and I need a few more nights to process. I will be back. 


 


PS... about how far into the story are we?


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Chapter 12-13:  Yeah, right now I'm really confused as to the nature of the bird, the rings, the Foe of the World, and how it all fits with Desynchy. Very weird. I really don't understand what's going on, other than Desynchy and Vyroko are two parts of the same being, and it has to do with the rings somehow. (And the bird has the power to heal...and it has something to do with the fog...is the fog a power of the bird? Seems like.)

 

All this integrates together, but still no obvious antagonist. I'm eagerly waiting to see how all this plays out, and if there will be an important reveal soon. I'm guessing that's par for the course. 

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@fishers- Clearly the bird is a metaphor for the fog, and vice-versa :P

 

Crack theory: Jehui is the Foe of the World. "Ruling with Fire and Light" simply means he will somehow get Vyroko/Deschyny to do his bidding. And we've already seen him manipulate Deschyny.

"He has glided for three days" refers to him zipping around in his spirit form. The word choice is a red herring to make us mistakenly suspect Vyroko -- a bloodred herring, then.

Bonus: the Tahtorak is almost suspicious of how clever Jehui is

 

Not that I want this to happen, of course -- Jehui is my favorite character!! D:

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Chapter 14: back to the regular folks. :P 14 and 15 really are a two-parter since putting them together would have been too much to ask.

 

Nick Silverpen: Conveyor belt theory - well, it was revealed later by Jehui that the ice tower was some kind of accidental metaphor created by his hands. Since he was with Nela at the time, a lot of it naturally revolved around her even though Jehui was the key to solving it.

 

Deschyny and ticking egg - no, the egg continues to tick when the shard isn't in the door. I thought there was a line mentioning that - either you missed it or I'm wrong and I'll edit it in. Shall look later.

 

Vyroko's odd armour - no comment here. I'll let the story proceed and give you more to consider.

 

There's definitely a theme with each person having a role/function/theme, etc. To be honest, that's a natural aspect of writing this story, but it does gain more significance later on. :)

 

The next paragraph about this being such a compelling mystery - I'm glad you feel that way, and that my new writing style feels right for you as a reader. Thanks for the positive feedback!

 

Good interpretation of the poem, but not saying if it's correct. ;) About the chain rotation bit... I'm not saying anything specific in what you've said is accurate, but you actually have begun to glimpse a very deep and important pattern. That's all. Questions about who is who and the fog will be answered in time.

 

On Tahtorak, I'm not sure how you interpreted him as actually taking up a grudge against Vyroko. I carefully avoided creating that impression because of exactly what you said - it wouldn't make sense. The only reason he knocked Vyroko unconscious was very much the same reason any of us might have done it - the fear of not doing anything and creating worse consequences. His truth-seeing eyes had already seen the truth of the words even if he didn't fully understand them or make all the connections. It was enough for him to suspect, but not to fully believe it since he still feels much doubt as the following chapter explained. Maybe that wasn't unclear and got lost in the muddle of the moment, but maybe you can re-read those parts to see if your initial interpretation still feels right.

 

I'd rather not reveal how many chapters there are since I wouldn't want the ending to start spoiling itself that way... I want you to discover where the story goes and see your reactions once we do reach the end. ;) Long reply to a long review, oh my... onto the next! Thank you for all the great comments, Nick.

 

fishers: I definitely have been testing my readers so much for this part of the story. I know it's getting frustrating. In the next two chapters after 14, quite a few things get cleared up - I can promise you that. Thank you for staying with me!

 

Crack theory: Jehui is the Foe of the World. "Ruling with Fire and Light" simply means he will somehow get Vyroko/Deschyny to do his bidding. And we've already seen him manipulate Deschyny.
"He has glided for three days" refers to him zipping around in his spirit form. The word choice is a red herring to make us mistakenly suspect Vyroko -- a bloodred herring, then.
Bonus: the Tahtorak is almost suspicious of how clever Jehui is

Not that I want this to happen, of course -- Jehui is my favorite character!! D:

Hmm.


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Now only one ice crystal remained in her mind, and it was positioned just so that yet another thought, shining even more brightly than anything before, emerged.

 

Of course it was impossible to hear sound underwater. The only person who might ever realize such a thing would be Nela herself. That could only mean one thing.

Actually, this is false. If I dive into a pool, I can hear sound underwater. 

 

Either Nela is going nuts, or physics went nuts. 

Edited by fishers64
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I was just thinking the same thing. In fact, sound waves actually travel more efficiently through water than through air, to the point where IIRC the speed of sound is significantly higher underwater.

EDIT: ~4 times faster, as it turns out

 

Perhaps we could assume that the audio receptors of protodermic beings function differently somehow than human ears and thus can't pick up soundwaves underwater? idk

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Chapter 15 is up late - I got busy yesterday. :)

 

I'm honestly not sure why nobody caught that sound error in the year that I've had friends and family revising this for me. I guess it just slipped past everyone except you two. :P In this case, as it would change too much story to edit now, let's just say that the "normal" physics of this world means sound cannot be heard underwater.

 

This comes as a surprising fact because it seems like in every scene on TV where swimming underwater is involved, sound just isn't really there. If a big pillar of stone crumbled underwater, there's certainly a rumble or something, but I've always had the impression that it could only be heard because it was so big and it would be more like the person feels the reverberation than acutely hearing it. Smaller sounds like speech or ticking didn't seem like things that would carry through water.

 

It's actually counter-intuitive to me as a Deaf person! I know that thick materials block sound, and water is thicker than air so that's an assumption I've been following. Learned something here.


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It actually has to do with wave physics and denser mediums. See, sound travels though air as a medium. The thicker materials block the sound conveyed in air (the medium) because there is more space between the air of the first room and air of the second. The water is the "air" not the "wall".

 

It's easier to think of this as just plain vibrations. If I wave my hand though the air, I do produce vibrations because I am smacking a bunch of air molecules. But if I smack the water, I get waves and all sorts of vibrations of that medium because water is more dense. 

 

I can have two pools of water next to each other, vibrate one, and watch the water slosh over into the adjacent pool. A thicker barrier would mean that less would slosh over and the second pool would vibrate less. 

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Indeed, the thing that makes it confusing is Hollywood and the fact that sounds created by air (someone's voice, etc.) DO get muffled because of all the turbulence of the 2 mediums mixing together. As long as you don't have that mixing bowl effect, sounds do indeed travel easier through water.

 

But anyways, very interesting chapter this one is. Quite a few interesting reveals, including the hinted-at Foe of The World is outside of the island. I felt like something of the sort would have to be the case. Is it just me, or does the collapsed illusion ordeal at the end give off some strong Maze Runner vibes?

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