130 replies to this topic

[Takuta-Nui]

Re: replies above. Thanks for pointing out that chronoserum is blue - I had forgotten that. That does change my theory and makes it probably a small part of a greater truth. I'll keep it in mind.

Chapter 7:

Where am I? it wondered… Then it took a moment to cheer that it could still see itself as an ‘I’.

This has the title of Cutest Line Thus Far In The Episode. =P

I think the protodermic glass bowl is a great idea... never thought about that kind of scenario in Bionicle.

Good god, I think Blue Eyes has already surged past Descartes' "I think therefore I am" threshold with its BE shtick! I'm gonna throw this out here - at its rate of evolution, it'll become capable of action outside of the water, or at least be able to manipulate water so well it can interact fully with the world, just when it is most needed.

So Bionicle has its own Midas Touch legend as well, except it's real!

My reviews probably won't be much deeper than this. I'm more focused on enjoying the story than analyzing every section, if that's all right. =)

[TLhikan]

Like the recent Bhukasa chapters (although wondering what happened/will happen to the other party members.

Not a whole lot else to add other than still following the story and it's good work .

-TLhikan

Edited by TLhikan, Feb 10 2012 - 11:09 PM.

[~~Zarkan~~]

The sun was begining to set on the day.

I love this line. Such a simple phrase, and yet so meaningful when you take in in context with the previous few paragraphs. This kind of subtle emoting is one of the reasons I love your writing so much, bonesiii.

[bonesiii]

atvan, to your earlier question, "Any other epics you've written?", I completely forgot to mention my two (so far) episodes in the Expanded Multiverse, Safety in Numbers, and Sticks & Stones. If you go to the archive forum, to the Bionicle Reference Center, and then to the Fanon Collection Topic, the list of Cipher Chronicles episodes in there has the links to those.

Also in case yall haven't seen it, I recently posted a third Altacosmos Chronicle:



And reposted the Tapestry of Time Collection Topic.

As I said on my blog, I just noticed I apparently never put up the fifth/final chapter of The Dynasty (AC#2) on the old forum, so I'll try to start reposting that this week. (Man, there'll be like a whole Dynasty of incarnations of the Dynasty in history, 'cuz the first time it got wiped in the Dataclysm. It's like Evil Lord Survurlode doesn't want me to post it lol.)

Anywho, chapter 18 is posted.

Cutest Line Thus Far In The Episode. =P

=O

=D

protodermic glass bowl is a great idea

Coo'

Good god, I think Blue Eyes has already surged past Descartes' "I think therefore I am" threshold with its BE shtick! I'm gonna throw this out here - at its rate of evolution, it'll become capable of action outside of the water, or at least be able to manipulate water so well it can interact fully with the world, just when it is most needed.

Yeah, he might phrase it as, "I BE, therefore I think."

And we'll see...

So Bionicle has its own Midas Touch legend as well, except it's real!

My reviews probably won't be much deeper than this. I'm more focused on enjoying the story than analyzing every section, if that's all right. =)

Most certainly. The stuff most liked helps me just about as much as the deep stuff, heh.

Like the recent Bhukasa chapters (although wondering what happened/will happen to the other party members.

Mainly quoting this just to acknowledge that these sorts of wonderings help me. I can't really comment on it heh.

This kind of subtle emoting is one of the reasons I love your writing so much, bonesiii.

Probably Thursday I will post Chapter 19, and then next week the finale of Part 2 with Chapter 20.

Edited by bonesiii, Feb 12 2012 - 10:10 PM.

[Takuta-Nui]

Chapter 8:

It wasn't moving its – in fact it had rolled up into a ball – it was telekinetically making ice break off

I think you missed a word or two before the first hyphen.

Onua’s Gahlok was now two-dimensional.

Succinctly put. =P

Now we've come across the first big twist of the story, I think. Which Toa created that protocage? Very unlikely it was the Mata, even before Mata Nui fell asleep, since they wouldn't have been on the water planet then. Unless I'm forgetting something from the alternate timeline of the Paracosmos? Of course, we don't know for sure that it was created by Toa, or that it even is a protocage.

Good chapter. I have this week of school, and then during Reading Week I hope to read one chapter per day. If that goes as planned, I should be all caught up by the end of February!

[bonesiii]

19.

I think you missed a word or two before the first hyphen.

Missing "head". Lol, the sentence was headless. Fixed.

Succinctly put. =P

Now we've come across the first big twist of the story, I think. Which Toa created that protocage? Very unlikely it was the Mata, even before Mata Nui fell asleep, since they wouldn't have been on the water planet then. Unless I'm forgetting something from the alternate timeline of the Paracosmos? Of course, we don't know for sure that it was created by Toa, or that it even is a protocage.

Good chapter. I have this week of school, and then during Reading Week I hope to read one chapter per day. If that goes as planned, I should be all caught up by the end of February!

Good to hear -- let's hope for success of plans.

I can confirm it wasn't the Mata. They may have been in other domes besides the giant robot (this answer will be clearer when you read the final chapters), but as far as I've planned they were not on the surface, until asleep in the canisters when they malfunctioned. I can also confirm it is a protocage.

[~~Zarkan~~]

“POETRAXIENS MEMORY

LUM: Eyes.
Camerati to the world.
The tablet-scribes of memory visua.

DRM: Ears.
Phonoscopi to the world.
Bridgeos of memory audia.

BRM: Barrelus, comparrowi of memory balancia.

SUM: Bionisens, teloi of memory battela.

LOM: Armoregistris, teloi of memory battera.

DLM: Tempus, kotaloi of memory thermia.

BLM: Ocutrios.
Loqresars-calculi of memory veritia.

SOM: Olfacticos.
The miqpiwfaudi linament of memory giutronsiuma.

SURM: All predermin memory vai octasens already possess recall.”

This is easily the most bizarre thing I have ever read in a fictional story. That is not an exaggeration, BTW.

[bonesiii]

Chapter 20 is up.

Part Three begins next week.

This is easily the most bizarre thing I have ever read in a fictional story. That is not an exaggeration, BTW.

Really? Cool. And the choice of wording of "bizarre" is awesome, for an inside joke reason you won't know till later in the series.

[Bulik]

*claps* oh wow, you have done it again. this is one of the best chapters since they arrived at memory island. no mention of Blue Eyes though. And now bhukasa has some new shipmates, and sairiph (however you spell it) has the mask that antroz wore in the sets that I can't recall the name of. oh, an bhukasa is a plagerist.
can't wait for the next one

Edited by Bulik, Feb 24 2012 - 12:05 PM.

[bonesiii]

Part Three has begun with Chapter 21.

*claps* oh wow, you have done it again. this is one of the best chapters since they arrived at memory island. no mention of Blue Eyes though. And now bhukasa has some new shipmates, and sairiph (however you spell it) has the mask that antroz wore in the sets that I can't recall the name of. oh, an bhukasa is a plagerist.
can't wait for the next one

Thanks.

More Blue Eyes in 21. I will tell you that BE's featurings will be sparse in Part Three. Sorry. He'll be back for the end of Part Three though.

The name of the mask is Kanohi Jutlin. Mask of Corruption.

[Tanma]

I feel guilty for not noticing this, after Twisted Island I should have been more proactive in searching.

I am a little confused about what the leader of the Unknown means by only Paracosmos and Cosmos are real. I believe it was confirmed that realities like the Melding, the Kingdom, and the Toa Empire are all just as real as the "main" universe, unlike pocket dimensions. So unless Cosmos refers to a multiverse of all canon universes, I feel like that doesn't make sense.

On the matter of the recent chapter, I did not see a crossover with Aethion coming. Now I wonder if the duo will visit other major Bionicle community projects, like the original BZPRPG.

[Bulik]

*fist pump* I like how the multiverse is featured in this chapter, and the dimensional trees, which clear up some things, like the above post.

[Tanma]

*fist pump* I like how the multiverse is featured in this chapter, and the dimensional trees, which clear up some things, like the above post.

I missed that, sorry for that. So Comsos and Paracosmos both refer to trees of universes? That indeed explains away my concerns. I wonder what some of the "less real" dimension trees are like, maybe there is one based off Slizers and Roboriders. Both are less defined stories than the Paracosmos and the Cosmos, and thus could be seen as less real.

[bonesiii]

Chapter 22 is up.

I feel guilty for not noticing this, after Twisted Island I should have been more proactive in searching.

I am a little confused about what the leader of the Unknown means by only Paracosmos and Cosmos are real. I believe it was confirmed that realities like the Melding, the Kingdom, and the Toa Empire are all just as real as the "main" universe, unlike pocket dimensions. So unless Cosmos refers to a multiverse of all canon universes, I feel like that doesn't make sense.

On the matter of the recent chapter, I did not see a crossover with Aethion coming. Now I wonder if the duo will visit other major Bionicle community projects, like the original BZPRPG.

*fist pump* I like how the multiverse is featured in this chapter, and the dimensional trees, which clear up some things, like the above post.

I missed that, sorry for that. So Comsos and Paracosmos both refer to trees of universes? That indeed explains away my concerns. I wonder what some of the "less real" dimension trees are like, maybe there is one based off Slizers and Roboriders. Both are less defined stories than the Paracosmos and the Cosmos, and thus could be seen as less real.

Several points to answer above questions:

1) Later in this story there is more about what Caroha means by that, so wait and see.

2) She doesn't mean the same thing by "real" as Greg did. It's basically just her opinion or perspective.

3) But part of it is that there's something special about the three dimensions, the Cosmos, Aethion, and the Paracosmos, that normal alternate dimensions differ from. The Cosmos is the Core Dimension, the one that all other Bionicle dimensions originated in, in some way. Aethion had a unique and mysterious origins related to the Olmak that was left in the space between spaces. And of course the Paracosmos was spawned with chronoserum in the Event.

Every other dimension (as far as Caroha has discovered), regardless of which tree it is in, is an Altacosmos, a "what if things were different?" universe.

So there is a real difference. This is part of the central conflict of the Paracosmos, the fact that it should not exist, and the series is slowly exploring the reasons it happened as mystery. It's not just another "what if?" BTW, the three Sagas of the Paracosmos, among various other thematic trios, are centered around three major questions about the Event. The first one answered the question, "What?" -- chronoserum was what made the Paracosmos as revealed in the finale of the first Saga, Twisted Island. The finale of the Kuambu Saga will answer a second key question, and the "final finale" will answer the third and most important.

No, I can't reveal what the other two questions are. Food for theorizing.

Now, whether the origins of these dimensions really means anything at all in terms of "real" or not is something to read on and find out. Certainly in light of the "figments of my imagination" revelation from Twisted Island it could be argued the Paracosmos is actually far less real than anything else.

4) When I'm writing an Altacosmos story, I basically throw everything Caroha thinks out, and write them as fully real. Because from their perspective they are.

5) Yes, other dimensional trees might exist. From a certain perspective, you could actually pick any one universe, and it has a tree of what ifs branching off of it. But others might have unique origins, and yes, dimensions like Slizers, LEGO Universe, LEGO Island, Hero Factory, etc. are all "out there somewhere." Of course, I won't be doing crossovers into them with the Paracosmos as they don't fit thematically.

6) Although you guys didn't really bring this up, I just wanna be clear that the Paracosmos will not be jumping into regular dimensional crossovers, period. The main reason Caroha's doing this one is to show Hujo something important. I felt that although the canon started out fun in its dimension-hopping it went overboard later, a mistake I don't wanna repeat. (For example, although it already had tons of characters, arguably far too many to keep track of, alternate Teridax had to be brought into the mix... and then did nothing really relevant. )

[~~Zarkan~~]

Now THIS is more like it. I don't know if it's just because it's I have yet to see the bigger picture, but the whole experience on Memory Island was beginning to drag. Now that Bhukasa is back on the ocean, however, things are starting to get really good. Some of the highlights:

- Expanded Multiverse crossover is awesome, of course, and also ironic. What I mean by that is, if this ends up being the last appearance of the EM, then its a mighty sad irony that it's happening in a completely different fanfiction. Unfortunately, with BZP's activity having been low ever since the launch of the new forum, I don't know if there will ever again be enough potential participants to justify continuing the Expanded Multiverse.

- Yes, the Nagur turtle has finally made its debut! And I must say, you've done a mighty fine job of integrating it into the Paracosmos. Between that and my Nizgan slug, I'm rather honored that my creations are playing such a significant role in the story.

- Niaka's character arc is... interesting, to say the least. Having not read any other Paracosmos stories for a while, I'm not certain if there were any hints to her Rahunga identity before the Endless Blue reveal. I'm also not sure what to make of her apparent motives - it seems she is rather loyal to Makuta, but considering all her master has done in the name of darkness, that would infer she's a pretty rotten bula berry. Unless.... since she apparently knows more about Makuta's plans than even Rathoa, that would infer she might know the nature of the "true plan" mentioned at the end of Twisted Island. In that case, since you have yet to clearly reveal anything about the Paracosmo Makuta's ultimate objective, I'm giving Niaka the benifit of the doubt for now.

- Finally, that purple and black toa is rather intriguing - not merely because he's crazy and wears an immoral Kanohi, but because (as far as I can recall) he is the first new Toa character you've invented for the Paracosmos. It's probably not likely, but I'm hoping he might also posess one of those Paracosmos' exclusive elements you mentioned in your blog years ago.

Keep it up!

Edited by ~~Zarkan~~, Mar 08 2012 - 03:07 PM.

[bonesiii]

Chapter 23's posted.

Memory Island was beginning to drag. Now that Bhukasa is back on the ocean, however, things are starting to get really good.

Interesting take. I had worried frankly that the pace of Part 2 would be TOO fast compared to the rest, but I can what you mean. The whole thing with Memory Island was a deviation from Bhukasa's plans; he hasn't even gotten to Kriitunga Island yet, heh. But yes, big-picture-wise Memory Island is definately essential to this story. It's not truly an accident he went there.

(Ironically Chapter 23 is one of the few chapters with no Bhukasa POV, so sorry for yet another delay lol. But that is intentional as the style of this epic, to take its time with things.)

- Expanded Multiverse crossover is awesome, of course, and also ironic. What I mean by that is, if this ends up being the last appearance of the EM, then its a mighty sad irony that it's happening in a completely different fanfiction. Unfortunately, with BZP's activity having been low ever since the launch of the new forum, I don't know if there will ever again be enough potential participants to justify continuing the Expanded Multiverse.

For the record, although this isn't really the place to discuss it, the next EM story is already written and should be launched by this summer. It looks like I'm the only one who will be able to post it; haven't gotten replies from anyone else involved [Edit: except that TN won't have time], and I have to do tax stuff soon. But after that I hope to get it up. And after that the decision has been made to do just one more Season One story, which I'll be writing, as its finale.

After that, I definately want to do at least one more Season. But the original plans for five seasons aren't going to work.

Anywho...

- Yes, the Nagur turtle has finally made its debut! And I must say, you've done a mighty fine job of integrating it into the Paracosmos. Between that and my Nizgan slug, I'm rather honored that my creations are playing such a significant role in the story.

Cool. Although I thought the slug was the Crazolga. I may be getting that mixed up with someone else's entry though...

- Niaka's character arc is... interesting, to say the least. Having not read any other Paracosmos stories for a while, I'm not certain if there were any hints to her Rahunga identity before the Endless Blue reveal.

There were hints but they were so subtle and she seemed to be just one of many side characters, it isn't surprising nobody picked up on it. Basically it was just her job as a ferrywoman who could conveniently go out when off duty and infect Rahi. This chapter has some more insight into that, in fact. There are similar subtle hints to various other disguised Rahunga you still don't know about, but it would be easy to read hints with non-Rahunga where none are intended, etc.

I'm also not sure what to make of her apparent motives - it seems she is rather loyal to Makuta, but considering all her master has done in the name of darkness, that would infer she's a pretty rotten bula berry. Unless.... since she apparently knows more about Makuta's plans than even Rathoa, that would infer she might know the nature of the "true plan" mentioned at the end of Twisted Island. In that case, since you have yet to clearly reveal anything about the Paracosmo Makuta's ultimate objective, I'm giving Niaka the benifit of the doubt for now.

And I probably shouldn't comment further. Except to say it's definately true she's evil, to some extent. So she really was "mis-sorted" -- and this is meant as a hint to the Kuambu philosophy at play here.

- Finally, that purple and black toa is rather intriguing - not merely because he's crazy and wears an immoral Kanohi, but because (as far as I can recall) he is the first new Toa character you've invented for the Paracosmos. It's probably not likely, but I'm hoping he might also posess one of those Paracosmos' exclusive elements you mentioned in your blog years ago.

Keep it up!

As you can see in this chapter his element is gravity. I didn't consider giving him an unusual element, nice idea though. But I suppose how I did it does make more sense. What is unusual about him is what happened to him, and this will be explored in the rest of this story, not his power. Most of those elements are meant for unusual beings/artifacts. You can expect to start seeing more of them in the next story, The Perfect Cage, though, and more throughout the rest of the Kuambu Saga, as they are tied into the major theme of this Saga.

And yeah off the top of my head I think he is the first new Toa featured. He's not the first I invented; that's the new character that one story I've already written that takes place (as now decided) after The Perfect Cage, but yall haven't met him yet. I may have had some in the Bonus series too but I don't recall any. Anywho, I'll be really interested to see yall's reactions to the rest of his portrayal starting in this chapter. He was one of my favorite characters to write.

Edited by bonesiii, Mar 12 2012 - 08:20 PM.

[~~Zarkan~~]

Cool. Although I thought the slug was the Crazolga. I may be getting that mixed up with someone else's entry though...

Yeah, you're right. I was confusing it with a creature in one of my own (likely never to be finished) stories.

Anyway....while I'm a bit bummed I'll have to wait until the next epic to see some of the special BP elements, I'm not terribly disappointed. Because man, I've got to tell you... I haven't laughed this hard at anything in a Bionicle story since the Piraka banter in Bionicle Legends 1. Toa "Mad" is an absolutely brilliant homage to the food-obsessed characters that permeated early BZP comedies and comics, complete with comic,almost Looney-Tunes-esque staging of his gravity powers. At the same time,you've managed to weave quite a bit of mystery and intrigue into his dialogue –Potraxiens is arguably more confounding now than it was when it was just the title to a “gibberish” poem.

Man, now I really can’t wait to see what comes next.

[Bulik]

wow, this chapter was fun! I love "mad" toa even more now! the "ball flies like dragon" part cracked me up. can't wait for more!

[bonesiii]

Chapter 24 is posted.

Cool. Although I thought the slug was the Crazolga. I may be getting that mixed up with someone else's entry though...

Yeah, you're right. I was confusing it with a creature in one of my own (likely never to be finished) stories.

Anyway....while I'm a bit bummed I'll have to wait until the next epic to see some of the special BP elements, I'm not terribly disappointed. Because man, I've got to tell you... I haven't laughed this hard at anything in a Bionicle story since the Piraka banter in Bionicle Legends 1. Toa "Mad" is an absolutely brilliant homage to the food-obsessed characters that permeated early BZP comedies and comics, complete with comic,almost Looney-Tunes-esque staging of his gravity powers. At the same time,you've managed to weave quite a bit of mystery and intrigue into his dialogue –Potraxiens is arguably more confounding now than it was when it was just the title to a “gibberish” poem.

Man, now I really can’t wait to see what comes next.

wow, this chapter was fun! I love "mad" toa even more now! the "ball flies like dragon" part cracked me up. can't wait for more!

Glad yall liked it. Obviously going for pie jokes is a very risky move, so good to hear it worked here.

[Bulik]

"battera is the opposite of battle", that makes so much sense!
the decoding part was very interesting, and now we have confirmation of the kuamba's allegiance to the kriitunga rebellion, and that thus allies them with the third faction, if i remember correctly.

and lol, krohlaba must be having a really tought time right now.

[~~Zarkan~~]

Argh, Bones, what's with you posting chapters and then not doing a reply in the review topic? I scrolled down thinking that you'd have posted a link to chapter 25, and instead I was met with spoilers for it!

Anyway, I enjoyed the Kriitunga-centric parts, but I'm not quite fond of how you chose to expound on the potraxiens tablet. I'm of the mind that revelations in stories shouldn't sound like forum discussions of said revelations, and I couldn't shake the feeling that the translation conversation was a transcript of a legnthy S&T topic. Also, I'm bothered by the apparent assumption that the inhabitants of the Paracosmos actually speak english, as opposed to their words merely being translated by the author for reader convinience. It may make it easier for people to follow the logic behind the Potraxiens note, but it also shatters the story's "realism." I hope you understand what I mean by this - I'm having a tough time getting my thoughts down right now.

[Tanma]

Argh, Bones, what's with you posting chapters and then not doing a reply in the review topic? I scrolled down thinking that you'd have posted a link to chapter 25, and instead I was met with spoilers for it!

Anyway, I enjoyed the Kriitunga-centric parts, but I'm not quite fond of how you chose to expound on the potraxiens tablet. I'm of the mind that revelations in stories shouldn't sound like forum discussions of said revelations, and I couldn't shake the feeling that the translation conversation was a transcript of a legnthy S&T topic. Also, I'm bothered by the apparent assumption that the inhabitants of the Paracosmos actually speak english, as opposed to their words merely being translated by the author for reader convinience. It may make it easier for people to follow the logic behind the Potraxiens note, but it also shatters the story's "realism." I hope you understand what I mean by this - I'm having a tough time getting my thoughts down right now.

I agree about the tablets, it kind of throws me off that they are so close to English, and that connection is how the tablets are translated.

However, the Agori dialect has many Latin words. This irks me anyway, but it is canon so what can you do? Now the English language in our universe (Realm-20001230) is forged of many different languages, including Latin. Perhaps in the Paracosmos universe (Realm-20030314) the Great Beings programed the Matoran with a language closer to Agori/Latin. Over time the language mutated from glitches and exposure to foreign dialects (?) until it because a pseudo English.

Edited by Tanma, Mar 22 2012 - 08:19 PM.

[bonesiii]

Chapter 26.

"battera is the opposite of battle", that makes so much sense!
the decoding part was very interesting, and now we have confirmation of the kuamba's allegiance to the kriitunga rebellion, and that thus allies them with the third faction, if i remember correctly.

and lol, krohlaba must be having a really tought time right now.

Glad you enjoyed the decoding part. Obviously (as I'll comment more below) it was another risky move -- and intentionally experimental. Good to see at least one person liked it.

Yep, they're Third Faction officially now.

For now.

Argh, Bones, what's with you posting chapters and then not doing a reply in the review topic? I scrolled down thinking that you'd have posted a link to chapter 25, and instead I was met with spoilers for it!

Thanks for asking; it's just what I've always done if nobody reviews a chapter. I guess from now on if that happens I'll edit a link in. (Lazybones lol.)

Anyway, I enjoyed the Kriitunga-centric parts, but I'm not quite fond of how you chose to expound on the potraxiens tablet.

Cool to the first. More on second below...

I'm of the mind that revelations in stories shouldn't sound like forum discussions of said revelations, and I couldn't shake the feeling that the translation conversation was a transcript of a legnthy S&T topic. Also, I'm bothered by the apparent assumption that the inhabitants of the Paracosmos actually speak english, as opposed to their words merely being translated by the author for reader convinience. It may make it easier for people to follow the logic behind the Potraxiens note, but it also shatters the story's "realism." I hope you understand what I mean by this - I'm having a tough time getting my thoughts down right now.

Basically there was no way around this that I could see. The Paracosmos intentionally delves deep into language, that's just part of the "genre" I'm going for, and my interest. In this case, the language is an archaic form of present-day standard Matoran language, which is almost always "translated" into English. So to show that I did something similar to what Tolkien said that he did with many words in Middle Earth; "translating" them into words that evoke the basic idea to us while saying that officially the actual words the characters use are different.

One example he gave, if bad memory serves, was Rivendell, which isn't really close at all to the actual elven name he came up with (ahem... discovered...), but he "translated" it to something that sounds more "common" to our English ears. But the actual word he turned into Rivendell was supposed to be something very different in the "Common Speech", which was ancestral to English but not quite modern English yet.

Also, there's a lot of use of English influence in Bionicle words, like Frostelus, etc. So I decided the best way to do that was to (try, anyways) to create a gradient from some Bara Magna words like Baterra and some other things I just made up, to fictionalized archaic English, up to present-day English. The other option, to make a modified form of fully "untranslated" Matoran-like language I've already used as the hallmark of Unknown language, so I had to find a way to make this language distinct to the reader.

So "officially" in the Paracosmos there is no actual gradient to English, it's just partially translated that way. There wasn't really a way to say that in-text, so here it is being said heh.

But yeah, it was definately experimental, and the results were about what I expected; some will like it, some won't. For the record I intend that to be the only section getting that detailed with a character's translation attempts, at least of this language. There are other tricks I can use later when it comes up again to just translate it entirely for the reader (already wrote another important Poetraxiens in normal English for later, in fact). This is just to give you a sense of how similar this language is to the Matoran "Common Speech".

Also, the slowness of that section was intentional to lower your expectations heading into Chapter 26 for maximum effect. (Maybe. )

Argh, Bones, what's with you posting chapters and then not doing a reply in the review topic? I scrolled down thinking that you'd have posted a link to chapter 25, and instead I was met with spoilers for it!

Anyway, I enjoyed the Kriitunga-centric parts, but I'm not quite fond of how you chose to expound on the potraxiens tablet. I'm of the mind that revelations in stories shouldn't sound like forum discussions of said revelations, and I couldn't shake the feeling that the translation conversation was a transcript of a legnthy S&T topic. Also, I'm bothered by the apparent assumption that the inhabitants of the Paracosmos actually speak english, as opposed to their words merely being translated by the author for reader convinience. It may make it easier for people to follow the logic behind the Potraxiens note, but it also shatters the story's "realism." I hope you understand what I mean by this - I'm having a tough time getting my thoughts down right now.

I agree about the tablets, it kind of throws me off that they are so close to English, and that connection is how the tablets are translated.

However, the Agori dialect has many Latin words. This irks me anyway, but it is canon so what can you do? Now the English language in our universe (Realm-20001230) is forged of many different languages, including Latin. Perhaps in the Paracosmos universe (Realm-20030314) the Great Beings programed the Matoran with a language closer to Agori/Latin. Over time the language mutated from glitches and exposure to foreign dialects (?) until it because a pseudo English.

Really, Bionicle was founded on the idea of borrowing language from Maori, and went on to borrow from a wide variety of languages including English. Personally I like that and just see it as part of the genre of it. I see it as "inspired by" not "having" the words, if that helps.

Also, a clarification: This language's purpose in the Paracosmos might not be what it seems. But I can't comment further until later.

Edited by bonesiii, Mar 25 2012 - 06:29 PM.

[~~Zarkan~~]

Also, a clarification: This language's purpose in the Paracosmos might not be what it seems. But I can't comment further until later.

Gah, figures. Well, then I can't really say any more about the whole language issue, except that it's a lot harder to take seriously an english speaking-world that is essentially middle-age England with magic - which is pretty much what LOTR is - then an english speaking-world that consists of a giant mechanical robot inhabited by smaller robots who apparently also speak in programming language.

Anyway, the latest chapter made up for my misgivings about the previous, and then some. Awesome reveal, incredibly tense action scene, and a powerful philisophical stand-off that appears to have finally united the Kriitunga and Matoran. Can't really complain about any of that.

Edited by ~~Zarkan~~, Mar 26 2012 - 07:52 PM.

[bonesiii]

The twenty-seventh chapter is posted.

Well, then I can't really say any more about the whole language issue, except that it's a lot harder to take seriously an english speaking-world that is essentially middle-age England with magic - which is pretty much what LOTR is - then an english speaking-world that consists of a giant mechanical robot inhabited by smaller robots who apparently also speak in programming language

Did you mean "easier" instead of "harder" there? *is confused*

Anyway, the latest chapter made up for my misgivings about the previous, and then some. Awesome reveal, incredibly tense action scene, and a powerful philisophical stand-off that appears to have finally united the Kriitunga and Matoran. Can't really complain about any of that.

Cool.


EDIT: Chapter 28.

Edited by bonesiii, Apr 02 2012 - 12:44 PM.

[The First Speaker]

Been reading lately, and it's been quite interesting. However, I'm very confused about Mukana. Is he on the Turaga's side, and is recruiting still-hiding Rahunga to their ranks, or is he on Makuta's side, ensuring that they are still loyal to their leader (who turns out to not be dead)? When I read that part I wasn't sure even if he was working for the Turaga or Kanoka at all.

[bonesiii]

Chapter 29 is posted.

Been reading lately, and it's been quite interesting. However, I'm very confused about Mukana. Is he on the Turaga's side, and is recruiting still-hiding Rahunga to their ranks, or is he on Makuta's side, ensuring that they are still loyal to their leader (who turns out to not be dead)? When I read that part I wasn't sure even if he was working for the Turaga or Kanoka at all.

Yeah, good thing you asked, because this was made clear in previous stories, but I must have forgotten to make it clear anew in this one. I'll go back and see about editing it to be clearer.

The answer is he's solidly on the Turaga's side now. He's recruiting for the Turaga -- which is also Kanoka's plan, but he doesn't know if Kanoka wants him to be on the Turaga's side or not.

But in front of the Rahunga he has to pretend to be really on the Makuta's side, in case he runs into a Rahunga loyalist.

[The First Speaker]

Particullary interested in the Jahurungi now and his dimensional travels. I wonder how much the difference of the time flow between the dimensions will afect Hujo and Caroha's return. I'm not expecting something like the planet of the apes in the ending (when, after returning from a blackhole, the protagonist finds that a really long time has passed), as the difference between the Paracosmos and the Cosmos seems to be only a few months. So the time that they have been out of the Paracosmos is as long it has taken them to cross all the braches plus some extra time from the slightly faster time flow of the Cosmos plus the even faster flow of Aethion. This is something that probably has no story siginificance but it popped into my head when I read chapter 29.

[atvan]

I cried for fishy. The end of 29 got me super excited. If BE murders all the other characters for fishy, I'd be fine with it.

Rathoa seems to be weaker in his Makuta form, but that could just be because of who he is up against but I like how he just utterly fails against the Unknown. Before, I pictuted him as fat with an eyepatch and totally unstoppabale (don't ask), but now he looks like a boring Makuta, which goes back to my first point about him.

I feel like Mad is going to save the day. But entirely unintentially in a way that is for his amusement.

Kanoka is hurting my head. While on the topic of Rahunga, I imagine Mukana's hut is starting to smell by now.

Bhukasa just keeps getting funnier looking in my mind. And then there is Mhondovma- I picture him as Kardas in bobblehead form.

Gali is not doing much- currents, rain, currents, rain, rinse, repeat. Actually the last few chapters have been rather devoid of them doing stuff, except for Lewa. I want to see him with that new axe of his…

The Kritunga seem much less stupid than in TI, haha. However, they look as funny as ever.

These are my rather useless thoughs after rereading the whole thing today.

[fishers64]

I decided to read this () and this is my review. (Of the whole thing so far; sorry if it is a bit disorienting)

Prologue:

 Or at least, he could get away the Haze Glow Beasts. 

I think you meant to say: "Or at least, he could get away from the Haze Glow Beasts."

Truth be told...

This begins a two-paragraph telling segment. Whenever I see this, I want to yell "Show us the scene!" If this was some prior story you are talking about, okay, but better that you show us a blip or something before the story begins (like the scene where Bhukasa lost his memory) instead of just telling us. 

* * *
After Chapter 4 or so...
I'm noticing now that you are switching between four or five different plot threads at once. It is rather disorienting at first and slightly hard to hold onto. (That's probably what I get for walking into a series in medias res. :grimace:)

Ironically, the miscellaneous blue transporting-at-random seafish thing, while intially annoying me for its intentional vagueness and inherent randomness, seems to be the only thing fusing these disparate and unrelated tales together. (That is, and the Kriitunga island thing)

* **

The story dragged a bit between Bhukasa's strange dream and the cliffhangers at the end of 9 and 10, which were brilliant. 

One thing that stands out to me is the occasional use of informal language like "anyways" and "aalmost" in the narration. That's generally a no-no for this kind of writing, but it is okay for the audiance. It surprised me, however. 

THIS is the Memory Stone. Now YOU have seen it. 

This is epic. (Shame that it was undermined a chapter later, but it was still an amazing line)

* * *
Chapter 21:

...there was no Paracosmos location where they were goin next.

Should be "going next". 

I particularly liked the scene on the begining of Chapter 22.

And I liked the Mad Toa with the pie.  

Chapter 25:

They homed in on the central one, most noteable for its huge statue of a Toa head, with yellow gears sticking out of the back.

This guy sounds familiar. 

Hapori Tohu?

*reads review topic*

Well, if the first question is what, then the second question is probably how, and the third is why. Why is always the most important question.

I liked the Memory Island segment. I think it was because it brought out the character of Bhukasa more...kind of felt that the story was diving of into side threads trying to avoid him. So I liked the idea that he was solving problems on his own - it brought him out. 

On a slightly releated note, do we need two translations, seeing as the first vague one does not help Bhukasa much? It might have made sense if the lizard had to face another challenge with this incomplete info, but given that he didn't, less time translating, more time moving. 

***

So yes, I do like this crazy tale you have crafted, although admittedly my brain was considerably fried and weirded out at the beginning, but my enjoyment increased to the point where I felt like I was reading a book instead of Bionicle fanfiction on BZP. So I'll admit that walking in on the series in the middle is possible, and definately worthwhile, but you may have to put on the self-determination for the first few chapters. But that's just me talking. 

It's quite good, and I look forward to reading what's next.

[bonesiii]

And here's the end of Part Three with Chapter 30. Part Four begins next week.

I wonder how much the difference of the time flow between the dimensions will afect Hujo and Caroha's return.

I can actually answer that, simply for storytelling purposes -- the whole story doesn't take place over much time, and thematically I would not want to spread the dimensional travel over more than one story, as it would be too confusing to jump into in the middle for new readers, so it won't affect the timing significantly.

This is something that probably has no story siginificance but it popped into my head when I read chapter 29.

There actually is story significance to the timing involved in the journey, but I can't discuss how so yet. It's a very subtle clue to a deep secret that won't be revealed till near the end of the series.

I cried for fishy. The end of 29 got me super excited. If BE murders all the other characters for fishy, I'd be fine with it.

I must say, it is thrilling that so many readers have latched on so well to BE and the fish. I felt it was perhaps my biggest story gamble yet, spending so much time on two characters that seem to be so incredibly trivial. Of course, BE isn't really trivial, but I wanted to tell a moving story that looks beyond the main events without shouting to the reader that BE might enter the stage of large-scale importance the other characters have been occupying.

To other points:

Yeah, Rathoa is very powerful, but a major problem for him is that the only power he was really adept at before was shapeshifting (due to his mask power), and now the other Makuta have blocked that ability entirely, so he's sort of a fish out of water. And yes, the Unknown are just that much more powerful, although there are rules that are kept secret. Put simply, Rathoa tried to take one on in a way that their rules permit them to respond to with full strength. There are other scenes later that emphasize his power.

Lol @ smelly hut. But really, the fish probably froze. Easy refrigeration in Ko-Koro.

Yeah, this is definately not a story about Gali; the only reason she has POV sections in the latest chapters is that she was the only witness to some of those events (specifically the new segment in Chapter 30 -- that one does show us a glimpse of the normal Gali-in-action, not just making currents, though ).

There's more Lewa stuff coming up. ^^,

This begins a two-paragraph telling segment. Whenever I see this, I want to yell "Show us the scene!" If this was some prior story you are talking about, okay, but better that you show us a blip or something before the story begins (like the scene where Bhukasa lost his memory) instead of just telling us.

Well, one of my professors of fiction writing who is a professional editor says that it is a misconception that we must always show instead of tell; sparing use of telling is said to be advised in some situations, and I felt it would take too long and distract from the danger of that moment to go into a flashback. Also, those are things he really would be thinking about there, and yes, I've already shown them in a past story -- Captain of Treason, when Bhukasa first appears. Also, the actual scene immediately focused his attention on a conflict that was part of that story and irrelevant to this one, so showing that again could be distracting. In short, think of it not as the narrator telling but as Bhukasa's thoughts.

That said, I understand it can be annoying to read, not saying I'm right about that one being good, but believe me, I thought over it a lot. The original versions had a lot more detail that I took out, paring it down to the bare minimum the reader absolutely needed to know to understand the current urgent situation.


Yeah, this particular story is definately intentionally weaving more threads than ever at the same time. I actually had a lot of threads in the first part of the first Saga, but they were separated into disconnected short stories and a game that all took place at roughly the same time. That worked then because the characters were not working together, but for this one they are. Still, this is an experiment, and not a trend I intend to continue (the next one will only ever have three POVs, and the one after that only one, in fact).

I can reveal that none of the scenes from BE are random. They might seem so, but there is a rhyme and reason to them; clues to the nature of BE.

The use of the occasional informal language is another intentional stylistic choice of my stories, yeah. No particular rationale for it; it's just how I felt the tone should be, not strictly serious, at least for characters who tend to actually think that way. It reflects their personalities.

Yeah, I only realized as I was writing it that the line about seeing the Memory Stone didn't make sense because Torkax had no eyes. The guardians get a mysterious sense that resembles echolocation, basically, 'feeling' their surroundings. So I split the scene up that way to let the line work anyways for a time, since Bhukasa wouldn't necessarily realize Torkax can't read. Actually, he probably could read it if he focused on it, but he obviously doesn't want to. Clamping your hands over your ears, though, would make battle very difficult, heh. Really the sense of the line holds true whether the tablet is shown or read aloud.

Yes, it's the Hapori Tohu head statue as established in the 100-page PDF guide for the Expanded Multiverse. (Of course, the true nature of the statue is a secret. =P)

Interesting theory on the big questions.

I actually agree; I felt as I wrote Part One that it avoided Bhukasa. Of course, it's the Arena Method (as I call my approach to writing) at work again; he really would be doing less interesting things until reaching the island where they meet Toggler, once they got away from the Kuambu ship. And it's definately a story that intentionally tells about several other characters and that simply takes up story space. But yeah, I tried to 'avoid avoiding him' later.

I can't answer the question of whether you need two translations. There are two closely related things I do in the Paracosmos that MIGHT be at play here, but I can't confirm or deny it.

1) I bury hints to secrets in the occasional seemingly trivial detail that the characters don't consciously notice. Sometimes (especially with Hujo's POV) the character will realize that something might be a hint, but realistically they would not always notice. So some of it is intended for "read again once you finish the series and notice the clues" value.

2) I also include some details that you as the reader might THINK are clues, but really are trivial, so that you can't easily tell which seemingly trivial details are clues. I honestly don't like the kind of stories that fear to venture into details that might not (as far as the reader knows) carry major plot importance. When done sparingly, I think some fleshing out of the world for its own sake helps ground a story better. Also none of these details are truly trivial as they are always chosen to reflect upon characters' psychology.

For example, although it's one of my favorite TV shows, the Mentalist uses heavily the idea that trivial details that are included are majorly relevant, and I have found that after having watched at least the first season, and learning the tricks of the trade the show teaches, I can usually spot "who dunnit" way early, which kinda bores me. (Though at times it still manages thrilling incomprehensibility.) But the best example to me of the opposite is Blue Bloods, in which 'side' details are clearly intentionally explored, and as a result I never feel like I already know the ending before it happens.

Still, I definately agree it would have been cooler if he had to use the partial knowledge before being able to learn the real translation.

Arena Method at work again; the mask was available from the start, but he wasn't certain he should risk telling more people about his copies, so he only did that once Taureko told him he wasn't certain about parts of it. Admittedly I could have done that without giving so much detail of Taureko's translation, but yeah, in this case I really felt I should include what I did. Anything else would feel forced to me, in this case. That said, I'll keep it in mind to adjust future arenas to avoid that problem lol.

Thanks for the detailed review.

[TLhikan]

Not very good at long reviews, but I will say that the story is still as good as always. My favorite part would be Hujo and Caroha in Aethion, but I did have a question about that:

Why would Ice keep it's Olmak Totem in a random crate, and did that totem take them to Barrawahi or Alarist?

Other than that, looking forward to more. Keep it up

-TLhikan

[bonesiii]

Part Four has begun, with Chapter 31 posted.

Why would Ice keep it's Olmak Totem in a random crate, and did that totem take them to Barrawahi or Alarist?

Alarist. It's the one they stole from Onu-Clysmax (I think it was that one ) in Cold Truth. I'm a little fuzzy on the details now but I looked it up when I wrote it, so the details in EB are correct. It was in a random crate (and a random location in general) simply to make it hard for Team Cipher or others to find it and steal it back.

[TLhikan]

Part Four has begun, with Chapter 31 posted.

Why would Ice keep it's Olmak Totem in a random crate, and did that totem take them to Barrawahi or Alarist?

Alarist. It's the one they stole from Onu-Clysmax (I think it was that one ) in Cold Truth. I'm a little fuzzy on the details now but I looked it up when I wrote it, so the details in EB are correct. It was in a random crate (and a random location in general) simply to make it hard for Team Cipher or others to find it and steal it back.

Ah, I had forgot that Ice stole the Totem. Brings up the question though of why people on the Alarist end didn't just go through and find it, then smuggle it off-fragment or something.


Thoughts on to the story at hand, in no particular manner:

The Vordikama allusions are one of my favorite parts, as minor as they are (maybe because I just like Vakama as a character).

I will admit that keeping up with all of the characters is proving challenging at times, but it's more the fault of this being a story on the internet that I can't read as continuously as a print book than any fault in the writing. It's been years since I read TSIBTF (Heck, it feels like years since I read CoT).

The conflict between Lewa-Krana and Onua (cool idea on Onua's claws being gloves by the way) is the sub-story I'm the most into at the moment, but that can change with the tide of the narrative .

Not much else to say other than a good ol' Nice chapter Bones, can't wait for more.

-TLhikan

[bonesiii]

Chapter 32 is up.

Ah, I had forgot that Ice stole the Totem. Brings up the question though of why people on the Alarist end didn't just go through and find it, then smuggle it off-fragment or something.


Thoughts on to the story at hand, in no particular manner:

The Vordikama allusions are one of my favorite parts, as minor as they are (maybe because I just like Vakama as a character).

I will admit that keeping up with all of the characters is proving challenging at times, but it's more the fault of this being a story on the internet that I can't read as continuously as a print book than any fault in the writing. It's been years since I read TSIBTF (Heck, it feels like years since I read CoT).

The conflict between Lewa-Krana and Onua (cool idea on Onua's claws being gloves by the way) is the sub-story I'm the most into at the moment, but that can change with the tide of the narrative .

Not much else to say other than a good ol' Nice chapter Bones, can't wait for more.

-TLhikan

The totems can't be used when they're surrounded by solid matter, as it was in that pile of boxes. There's no room for anyone to appear, so the power just wouldn't activate.

Awesome that you liked the Vordikam story. And thanks for the other helpful comments.

[Bulik]

just finished #32.

Pure. Awesome.

We now get more secrets revealed about who surkhai was, confirmation of makuta's escape, a death defying escape with bhukasa. More with knife-tail and his powers, which was very interesting. But best of all, more of bhukasa.

Now that he's getting his memories back and doing more about the ship, he realizes toggler and sairiph's supposed thoughts. heria, mad and his toa team were in the prison island. something during the escape must have transformed heria, and gave her complete shame and sadness or something like that to "banish" herself to the jungle. The other toa must have either escaped or not survive. The pieces of the puzzle are coming together.

can't wait for the next chapter.

[fishers64]

Thanks for the detailed review.

You're welcome.

The use of the occasional informal language is another intentional stylistic choice of my stories, yeah. No particular rationale for it; it's just how I felt the tone should be, not strictly serious, at least for characters who tend to actually think that way. It reflects their personalities.

It just jumped out at me because of how it was used. The language struck me as serious and formal-type most of the time, and then suddenly I would see the word "anyways". Probably a side effect of the four plotlines with informal and formal thinking characters included.

Yeah, this particular story is definately intentionally weaving more threads than ever at the same time. I actually had a lot of threads in the first part of the first Saga, but they were separated into disconnected short stories and a game that all took place at roughly the same time. That worked then because the characters were not working together, but for this one they are. Still, this is an experiment, and not a trend I intend to continue (the next one will only ever have three POVs, and the one after that only one, in fact).

I can reveal that none of the scenes from BE are random. They might seem so, but there is a rhyme and reason to them; clues to the nature of BE.

This actually formed the idea in my mind that BE was Bhukasa's lost memories trying to come back to him. I'm not sure if this is logical, however - some of the characteristics of him seem to rule out that possibility. The idea that Bhukasa's lost memories, symbolically speaking, are connecting this story together seems to work (Kuambu Island/Memory Island). You mentioned that the characters are working together, and BE tends to connect the plot threads at first. It really hurts not having the backstory here - I don't know what Bhukasa's lost memories are, so I'm not sure if I'm right.

* * *

Chapter 30:

Maku repeated the order.

Isn't it Macku?

Azh'yuuros is a Glatorian?

I liked the big reveal here with the hatch, the wheel, and this image of a lizard holding a shark's jaws apart.

Chapter 31:

Trying to escape the Unknowns is futile. I liked that idea...big plan to get on Bhukasa's ship ends up playing into the Unknowns' hands.

Chapter 32:
This chapter made me rethink the above theory again. Random movement by BE and teleportation by Bhukasa (or whatever method he uses)...kinda works with it. My mind wants to connect those two together. But Bhukasa keeps getting his memories back without running into BE, but big revelations occur when he's closer...

Although it brings me to another theory - that the Light/Dark minds thing is not necessarily congruent with the Rahudermis - stating the obvious, er - which would mean that Niaka might have some redeeming qualities, like she has some good left in her and eventually switch sides? Either that or the Light/Darkmind thing has nothing to do with morality, but I tend to doubt it.

IDK.

Edited by fishers64, Apr 20 2012 - 08:38 PM.

[Bulik]

Maku repeated the order.

Isn't it Macku?

Azh'yuuros is a Glatorian?

IDK.

This takes place before naming day

[fishers64]

Maku repeated the order.

Isn't it Macku?

Azh'yuuros is a Glatorian?

IDK.

This takes place before naming day

You mean, before they changed the characters' names to comply with the Maori lawsuit?

[Bulik]

Maku repeated the order.

Isn't it Macku?

Azh'yuuros is a Glatorian?

IDK.

This takes place before naming day

You mean, before they changed the characters' names to comply with the Maori lawsuit?

yeah, and in the story, they called it naming day, to have to do with the defeat of the bohrok kal and the rebuilt form of the matoran, and the revelation of "matoran" instead of tohunga.

(Bs01 page is down, though)