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[Taipu1]

Back for another run, made a few format changes, character changes. Pretty standard stuff for revamped comedies...

Ask Nuju: The Downtime

[Nuju steps up to a solid ice podium]

Nuju: People! I bring terrible news!

Matoro: Makuta’s back!

Lumi: Global warming on Mount Ihu!

Kantai: Your convenient translation machine is broken!

Nuju: No, no, none of those things! The news I have is far graver than that!

Matoro: Makuta’s back and more powerful!

Lumi: Global warming has hit all of Mata-Nui!

Kantai: Your convenient translation machine has completely exploded and you’ve lost the blueprints

Nuju: No, NO, NO! Lumi do you mean the island of Mata-Nui or the Mata-Nui robot? And I’m sorry to say, that Ko-Koro’s wi-fi…is down!

Matoro: No Internet?

Lumi: No BZPower?

Kantai: No Breaking the fourth wall?

Pakastaa: What’s a Mata-Nui robot?

Nuju: No, we can still continue to break the fourth wall. But no BZPower. And forget what I said about the robot Pakastaa. No one cares what you think anyway, you’re second only to Tiribomba as far as stupid names are concerned.

Tiribomba: I was laughed out of Ta-Koro

Nuju: And you’ll be laughed out of Ko-Koro

Matoro: What about the comedy you did using email, the one that you haven’t actually done for ages?

Nuju: Actually Taipu1 writes the comedy.

Matoro: I thought we spelt comedy with a K?

Nuju: That was a bad joke from the original comedy, which was inconsistently done anyway…

Kopeke: …

Nuju: I agree Kopeke.

Kopeke: …

Nuju: No we won’t be doing that

Kopeke: …

Nuju: We will continue answering questions, but now people must come here in order to ask questions

Matoro: Well this can only go well…

[Later in the Sanctum]

Takua: Turaga Nuju, I have travelled long, and far! And I have a question.

Matoro: Long and far. It was just a quick cable car journey.

Takua: Have you seen that cable car? It’s unsafe; you hang off a hook over a river of lava!

Nuju: Yes I have seen the cable car.

Takua: That wasn’t my question…

Nuju: I knew that. I know all.

Takua: How many fingers am I holding up?

Nuju: 11!

Takua: Is he quite right?

Matoro: Lack of wi-fi is affecting us all…

Takua: Right… My question is, where do you see yourself in 2 years time?

Nuju: Ideally, running a village of Ko-Matoran on the planet Spherus Magna after Mata-Nui is reawaken, taken over by Makuta, conquers a tribe on a desert planet, hijacks a giant robot, defeats Makuta and reforms the desert planet into Spherus Magna.

Matoro: Sounds unlikely.

Nuju: Yeah, I’m a bit of an optimist.

Takua: Thanks Nuju. Your answer has been…interesting…
[Takua turns away and heads to the door]

Muhaha, now I know the future, as a Great Being I can prepare

Nuju: Actually, Greg already ruled you out as the Great Being in disguise.

Takua: Really? Awe…

Pakastaa: I have a question Nuju!

Nuju: What?

Matoro: Actually he’s asking you a question, and technically ‘what?’ is a question…

Nuju: I was asking him what the question was!

Matoro: Yes but this is Ask Nuju, not Ask Pakastaa

Nuju: Quit picking holes, I want to know the question.

Pakastaa: My question is, why is the village Wi-fi gone? What is being done to fix it?

Nuju: You want it fixed?

Matoro: Yes! We all do!

Nuju: Oh! Call Nuparu, he’ll have it fixed.

Matoro: How do we call him, we have no phones.

Nuju: Email?

Matoro: No wi-fi…

Nuju: Oh right yeah. Well bear in mind that in reality we should have wi-fi, I’m sure there’s a phone about somewhere. Try that Ta-Koro guard outpost thing on the north march, the one where you find the heat stone to melt Kopeke.

Pakastaa: Arrgghh!! Graalok! Get out of my head!

Nuju: what?

Pakastaa: You said bear in mind.

Nuju: It’s a figure of speech

Kopeke: …

Nuju: good plan Kopeke, let’s end the chapter…

[The Lorax]

Pakastaa: Arrgghh!! Graalok! Get out of my head!

Nuju: what?

Pakastaa: You said bear in mind.

Amazing. That made my jaw drop. LOL.

Also,

Lumi: Global warming on Mount Ihu!

I sure hope not. I'm meltiiiiiing.....

Anyway, good job. I greatly enjoyed your work.

[Hurricane iBrow]

Nuju: No, we can still continue to break the fourth wall. But no BZPower. And forget what I said about the robot Pakastaa. No one cares what you think anyway, you’re second only to Tiribomba as far as stupid names are concerned.

Tiribomba: I was laughed out of Ta-Koro

Nuju: And you’ll be laughed out of Ko-Koro

Best part in my opinion.

Pretty good for an Ask Comedy; I was impressed (you aren't new though, so it's not too much of a surprise).
I'll be following this.

-ibrow

[Vox The Shadow of Reality]

I absolutely love this. I actually laughed while reading it and it takes alot to make me laugh. I hope you continue this.

[Taipu1]

3 replies, I must be doing something right! That makes a change.

@iBrony - I actually debated whether or not to bring it back as an Ask comedy, but I don't know what else I would've done in place of this format.

Nuju: Hey everyone, welcome to the second episode of Ask Nuju, the comedy which had an infinite number of better and more original titles, and actually involves very little asking.

Matoro: Didn’t Vakama used to do a movie style introduction?

Nuju: You know that was always boring

Matoro: Yeah, although I was always confused by the whole ‘time before time’ thing. It doesn’t make sense! And anyway, it wasn’t the time before time, it was only events that had taken place in a comparatively recent past, compared to the total time we’ve been alive, which is like 100,000 years or something.

Nuju: Yes, but you don’t remember that.

Matoro: Obviously…

[In the Sanctum]

Nuju: Anybody come to ask any questions today?

Lumi: Not many, I mean you said in the introduction that there is very little asking.

Nuju: Just send in the question askers!

[Zemya enters the sanctum]

Nuju: Who are you?

Zemya: The script just said, I’m Zemya

Nuju: Look no one is going to remember every matoran who featured in the MNOLG 2!

Zemya: But I was a trader! People remember me!

Nuju: They only remember Ahkmou, and let’s face it, that isn’t a good thing.

Zemya: Well, as I wasn’t a particularly successful trader of bladders, light stones and other MNOLG artefacts, I decided to sell insurance. I’ve come to offer you rock bottom prices on Sanctum insurance!

Nuju: does that even constitute a question?

Matoro: We were desperate, so yes.

Nuju: Do we need Sanctum insurance?

Matoro: Well, it’s not really obvious what time in history this comedy is set in history, for all I know we might need the insurance in case of Bohrok attack.

Nuju: Well it’s obviously set after MNOLG 2!

Matoro: Then why are none of the matoran rebuilt?

Nuju: Because the author of this comedy prefers the original matoran build?

Lumi: Why? It conists of 7 pieces, and you got it at McDonalds!

Nuju: Look, consult Taipu1, I’m not in control of this chronologically insane setting.

Matoro: It’s your name on the comedy!

Zemya: Can I just get an answer to my question?

Nuju: No!

Zemya: Was that answer to my first question, or the question I just asked?

Nuju: Both.

Zemya:

[Zemya leaves]

Matoro: Feel he made a poor business choice there; are there any other Sanctums on the island to insure?

Nuju: I’m sure Teridax has one in Mangaia somewhere…

Matoro: Teridax?

Nuju: Sorry, Makuta… That’s definitely his name, and not his species

Lumi: There are more like him?

Nuju: I said nothing! Send in the next questioner

[Gresh enters]

Nuju: Okay this timeline is just illogical. Our author needs to sort himself out.

Matoro: You don’t want to insult him, he controls everything

Nuju: I can’t help it! He made me say it! Stupid author!

Pakastaa: Aren’t you a cool dude.

Matoro: Word filter doesn’t like that word.

Pakastaa: No, I genuinely think Nuju is cool!

Nuju: Stop being a suck up, why don’t you go join Tiribomba and his society of poorly named matoran from MNOLG 2?

Pakastaa: There are others?

Nuju: Aiyetoro, Gadjati, Arktinen and Shu. None of whom’s names are quite as stupid as yours, which still fails to match up to Tiribomba.

Kopeke: …

Nuju: Quite right. What’s Gresh’s question anyway?

Gresh: Where the Karzahni am I?

Nuju: An appropriate question given our author planting a 2009 character in a 2003 setting, but poorly written, given that you have no idea who Karzahni is, and never will do because he dies before you’d have a chance to meet him.

Gresh: Well that’s told me everything I need to know

[Gresh leaves]

Lumi: We badly need our Internet back.

Nuju: Any luck with Nuparu?

Matoro: Funnily enough, there was a phone in that Guard hut on the North March. Unfortunately, as far as I can tell there are none in Onu-Koro

Nuju: I’m sure at some point in the future Nuparu will make one out of a Bohrok…

Matoro: Speaking of which, I believe our next questioner has a question on Bohrok.

Nuju: Really? My specialist subject is kinda more in the astronomy field.

Lumi: Yet you think the Red star is a star, and a not a spaceship to aid the propulsion of Mata Nui.

Nuju: That’s a ludicrous theory Lumi, and you know it. Send in the questioner!

[Taipu enters]

Pakastaa: The author comes among us!

Matoro: That’s Taipu, not Taipu1.

Pakastaa: ah.

Taipu: I heard a rumour that Bohrok are made of Matoran, and Matoran make Bohrok into Boxors! Is that true?

Nuju: ye-no! All lies! Why would Matoran build a vehicle out of their fellow kind?

Taipu: This isn’t Ask Taipu, you’ll have to send an email to my comedy, Ask Taipu.

Nuju: We don’t have wifi.

Taipu: Really? Yikes, I’m outta here; I can’t survive without my twitter feed!

[Taipu leaves]

Nuju: Is that it?

Matoro: Questions are pretty thin on the ground these days, partly because an ‘Ask…’ comedy is such an outdated format. Comedies are really made redundant by epics and short stories.

Nuju: Speaking of which, make sure to read Taipu1’s ‘Showdown’, which got an honourable mention in Short, Stories contest 8 on BZPower!

Lumi: Because that wasn’t shameless advertising by our author at all.

Nuju: No, it’s well worth a read. So that is all the questioners then?

Matoro: Yup…

Nuju: Okay, thanks for reading Ask Nuju! See you next time

***

Taipu1: That’s a wrap folks!

Nuju: A good second episode I thought. Lumi, go warm up the Escalade, I don’t want to drive to the party in Ta-Koro in a cold car this time.

Matoro: There’s a party?

Nuju: Whoops. Awkward…

[fishers64]

Wow, this is good. I like the part about Gresh showing up, and the continual disdain over the lack of wi-fi. Keep up the good work!

[Devorath]

This is so funny!

[Toa Sonis]

I laughed hard over the whole thing! The continuing banter over timeline, global warming, Twitter, and all the other issues is hilarious! You do a really great job in keeping the characters consistent throughout.

[rahkshi guurahk]

I think Jaa or Pakistaa should be in there. Along with the funnty easter egg prophecies in mnolg1.