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Review: Reborn


Inferna Firesword

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Dedicated to: The late, great Monty Oum, and all of my dear friends, who’ve stuck with me for all these years.

Author’s Notes: Welcome to the review topic for Reborn.

I’m not sure how many people remember me from the old days, but that’s unimportant. Hopefully if you’re here, you’ve read and enjoyed the story I have to offer. It would mean a lot if you told me what you thought of it – I’m a bit rusty when it comes to writing Bionicle fanfics, so pointers on how to improve would be appreciated. 

Reborn is set about a year before the events in Karda Nui, so at roughly the time that the Prologue takes place, Lewa is fighting Onua in the Nui-Rama hive. Most of the characters are original, so there won’t be many familiar faces – that being said, as characters are introduced, I’ll add profiles describing them to this topic, so you’ll have a guide.

Reborn is more or less set in the G1 universe, where most things are happening as dictated by canon, and most things occur according to canon, with the rules of the universe applying.

With one major exception.

Fantasy Gun Control/Medieval Stasis: I can understand why Lego couldn’t give their characters guns, but personally, I find the idea of a universe that had discovered gunpowder (ex. Cordak blasters, which have been in existence for at least 1000 years before 2001) and hadn’t started using it for small arms a bit strange. As such, in Reborn there will be a few characters that use firearms.

I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea – I’ve gotten flak from readers about this before – and that is your own opinion. However, I would like to note that not every character will use guns: only a small handful will, and they’re along the lines of prototypes. Most will stick with the weapons that exist in the storyline of G1.

Sound good?

Character Guide:

Brotherhood Characters

Volterix:
A Makuta, Volterix is a lower-ranked member of the Brotherhood, who is in charge of managing the Toa Hagah that survived the Purge; before that, he was in charge of suppressing information on the Brotherhood from being leaked. While he is a good fighter and virus master, his true strength is his problem-solving abilities and creative planning; he also invented a form of mind control that he uses to keep the Hagah in line. He recently began work with the newest creation of Mutran, the Shadow Leech, and experimenting with the results. He wears a Kanohi Tryna and favors a halberd in battle; while a hulking mass of armor, he is noticeably skinnier than the average Makuta.
Art: Official (by Akaku: Master of Flight)

Asha: A Toa of Psionics, Asha is one of the few Toa Hagah that has survived the years of war. Once a proud Toa, years of being forced to witness and take part in countless atrocities has broken her into the depths of despair. She loathes her existence, but is unable to escape it, and as such simply hopes for a chance to mitigate the damage her actions have done. She wears battered and tarnished blue-gold armor, with the symbol of the Hagah on her shoulder-plates despite her best efforts to deface them. She wears a Kanohi Volitak, and wields a sword and a set of daggers.

Rarin: A Steltian brute, Rarin is the servant of Makuta Hecate, on loan to Volterix for his operations. Claimed by her near the beginning of the universe, she modified him to have increased intelligence and power over Stone, along with enhancing his natural strength and making him more agile. Calm and composed, he was loaned to Volterix to help run his experiments with Shadow Leeches (and to secretly report back to her on his findings). In the rare times he enters combat, he uses a pair of arm-mounted shields and a short blade.

Subject Beacon: The newest prototype for the Brotherhood, Beacon is the first Shadow Toa. She was captured and corrupted by Volterix, and proved her power by slaughtering her erstwhile team of Toa. It is impossible to tell what personality she might have had prior to her corruption, but she is eerily serene during all her actions. That said, she takes a dark pleasure from using her powers, especially since very few Toa have any idea of how to counter her element. Her name, and all information on her prior identity, is hidden and presumed lost. She wears an infected Pakari, and wields a staff.

Characters in the City

Rhonwen:
The leader of the Toa in the City, Rhonwen is a Psionics Toa. The war against the Brotherhood and the Dark Hunters has left her suspicious of outsiders, and her own cynicism gives her a dim outlook on new Toa despite the universe’s need for young blood. She rarely uses her telepathy, despite it being what she is best at, due to an experience with a Toa who used it far too freely, and as such lost their sense of self and morality in the process. While she is experienced, she often assumes she knows more than she does, or works off of faulty data. She wears a Mask of Biomechanics, and wields a pair of swords; she also carries a pair of shields, which she manipulates with her telekinesis.

Voriki: A Toa of Lightning, Voriki is Rhonwen’s second-in-command and the commander of the City’s defenses. In contrast to his more irrational leader, Voriki is much more personable and level-headed. The only reason he has not taken command of the team is that he feels Rhonwen is better suited for now. He is the team’s main powerhouse in a fight. He wears a Kanohi Hau, and wields a Storm Staff.

Undine: A Toa of Water, Undine was a scientist prior to her ascension, and that has not changed to this day. She is quiet and soft-spoken, and while she is a capable fighter she much prefers her studies. She doesn’t have much imagination, which sometimes works against her when it comes to using her mask. She wears a Mask of Conjuration, and wields a naginata.

Cailean: A Toa of Air, Cailean is the youngest and newest of the team, only ascending two months prior. This has unfortunately made Rhonwen distrustful of him, despite his first assignment being to escort the people of his village to the City, a task he succeeded admirably at. He is surprisingly skilled with his element and weapons, despite his youth, and is irritated that the Psionics Toa ignores this in favor of her prejudice towards novices. He wears a Kanohi Kakama and wields a pair of swords, which can double as wings when attached to his back.

Other City Inhabitants

Sindri: A Matoran of Stone, Sindri is the leader of the Matoran Militia, the civilian defense and law enforcement organization. In comparison to the Toa, he has his head on his shoulders a bit more tightly screwed on his shoulders, especially in comparison to Rhonwen. He and the Psionic Toa both report directly to the City’s leader Fallon: she via telepathy, he via communicators. He wears a powerless, Noble-style Ruru, and uses a Kanoka launcher and blades in combat.

Taiki: The second-in-command of the Matoran Militia, under Sindri. She is a Matoran of Lightning (Vo/Xi), and wears a powerless Miru.

-Inferna Edited by Inferna Firesword
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Oh snap, it's Inferna! She's back, with a promising start to a new story. 

 

I was about to speculate on the previous elemental affiliation of the new Shadow Toa, but you gave us no clues.  <_< The closest thing would've been the eye color, but upon rereading, "the natural color of her eyes being swallowed up by bright red and neon yellow pupils." Armor color and previous mask and eye color are unmentioned, giving no hints. Although, with most of the rules of the universe applying, female Toa are only found in Water, Lightning, and Psionics. *checks wiki* And apparently also Light and Shadow (both genders), with exceptions being within the realm of possibility. So until you say otherwise, Shadow was previously Water, Lightning, Psionics, or Light. Unlikely to be Light, due to Takanuva being the first when he transformed. Yeah, Water, Lightning, or Psionics. Leaning towards Lightning, based on the limited personality shown before corruption. There's my guess. 

 

Again, good to see an Inferna story on here again. Let's see where we go with this.

 

-Japoro

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Long time no post, BZPower.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Chapter 1, at long last, is up! Sorry it took so long; college projects piled up and delayed my writing. <_<

 

Fantastic so far, such an amazing story.

 

Congratulations, this is a wonderful read.

Thank you! Hopefully Reborn will continue to entertain you. :)

 

This is going to be interesting. There are all sorts of ways this could go, and I'm looking forward to reading more. Great writing, as always!

Nice to see you reviewing again, Zar. I plan to keep you guessing with this one. =P

 

Oh snap, it's Inferna! She's back, with a promising start to a new story. 

 

I was about to speculate on the previous elemental affiliation of the new Shadow Toa, but you gave us no clues.  <_< The closest thing would've been the eye color, but upon rereading, "the natural color of her eyes being swallowed up by bright red and neon yellow pupils." Armor color and previous mask and eye color are unmentioned, giving no hints. Although, with most of the rules of the universe applying, female Toa are only found in Water, Lightning, and Psionics. *checks wiki* And apparently also Light and Shadow (both genders), with exceptions being within the realm of possibility. So until you say otherwise, Shadow was previously Water, Lightning, Psionics, or Light. Unlikely to be Light, due to Takanuva being the first when he transformed. Yeah, Water, Lightning, or Psionics. Leaning towards Lightning, based on the limited personality shown before corruption. There's my guess. 

 

Again, good to see an Inferna story on here again. Let's see where we go with this.

 

-Japoro

You wouldn't believe the happy dance I did when I saw your review, old friend. Also, I think this might be the first review you didn't nit-pick my grammar. =P

 

Hate to break it to you, but I'm not exactly following the one-gender-tribe rule. Apparently the tribes are mostly one gender, but do have members of the other gender amongst them, if the wiki is anything to go by. And even if it didn't, I'm of the opinion that gender identity isn't as big a deal in the MU as it is in our world, so I'd ignore the one-gender rule anyway. =P

 

(Are you sure your theory isn't because of the fact I wrote predominately about Lightning Toa in the past? xD)

 

In any case, I'm hoping that the question of Beacon's former tribe will be one that will be argued over. =P

 

Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I'll be updating the Character Guide soon enough, and they'll be added to as characters appear 'on-screen', so to speak. :)

 

-Inferna

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You wouldn't believe the happy dance I did when I saw your review, old friend. Also, I think this might be the first review you didn't nit-pick my grammar. =P

Hate to break it to you, but I'm not exactly following the one-gender-tribe rule. Apparently the tribes are mostly one gender, but do have members of the other gender amongst them, if the wiki is anything to go by. And even if it didn't, I'm of the opinion that gender identity isn't as big a deal in the MU as it is in our world, so I'd ignore the one-gender rule anyway. =P

 

(Are you sure your theory isn't because of the fact I wrote predominately about Lightning Toa in the past? xD)

 

In any case, I'm hoping that the question of Beacon's former tribe will be one that will be argued over. =P

 

-Inferna

 

On the topic of gender distribution: point given. It's your story, so you get to adjust some of the rules. Are you suggesting bias in my theory? That never crossed my mind until you brought it up. You're just trying to misdirect me. On grammar, I really didn't care too much, plus it seemed largely fine.

 

Onto the chapter!

 

Vokiri seems very likeable, and it'll be a shame when you kill him. Also, props to Rhonwen for not just using telepathy for rooting out threats, and using good old-fashioned detective work. If there's any sort of trial system in Aonui, physical evidence is much better than ripping it from someone's mind, and they could claim that telepathic evidence was forged/manipulating the jury's minds.

 

Hecate... I recognize that name. I don't like that name. Also, the Makuta are just playing this like a big old game of chess. But given Teridax's tendencies, there's plans within plans (within plans). I have the feeling we'll be seeing some conflict in the next chapter if Beacon is somehow discovered. Asha is probably going to do something about Beacon or Volterix before she dies (self-imposed mission). Possibly Beacon discovered Pareo's location during spytimes and passed it onto the Makuta. There may be no traitor, just invisible enemy.

 

-Japoro

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Long time no post, BZPower.

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  • 3 months later...

Chapter 2 is posted!

 

Isn't Voriki that meme character?

Really? That's all that interested you about the chapter?

 

*sigh* Alright. If you insist, I will humor you.

 

I did get the name and character concept from the meme, though at the time I didn't know he was as well-known as he is now. He can probably be considered a different character from the meme, though.

 

On the topic of gender distribution: point given. It's your story, so you get to adjust some of the rules. Are you suggesting bias in my theory? That never crossed my mind until you brought it up. You're just trying to misdirect me. On grammar, I really didn't care too much, plus it seemed largely fine.

 

Onto the chapter!

 

Vokiri seems very likeable, and it'll be a shame when you kill him. Also, props to Rhonwen for not just using telepathy for rooting out threats, and using good old-fashioned detective work. If there's any sort of trial system in Aonui, physical evidence is much better than ripping it from someone's mind, and they could claim that telepathic evidence was forged/manipulating the jury's minds.

 

Hecate... I recognize that name. I don't like that name. Also, the Makuta are just playing this like a big old game of chess. But given Teridax's tendencies, there's plans within plans (within plans). I have the feeling we'll be seeing some conflict in the next chapter if Beacon is somehow discovered. Asha is probably going to do something about Beacon or Volterix before she dies (self-imposed mission). Possibly Beacon discovered Pareo's location during spytimes and passed it onto the Makuta. There may be no traitor, just invisible enemy.

 

-Japoro

Am I trying to misdirect you? =P Also, contrary to popular belief I am not an acolyte of GRRM.

 

Since I never finished Wings, I figured I would transplant Rarin and Hecate over to this continuity (their characters are more or less the same as they were in their previous story). They fit the tone, at least.

 

Side note: for those who are confused by the scratched-out bits from Asha's POV here, essentially in the past Volterix mucked around in her mind and made it so she can't think the way she wants to. She can't think 'traitor thoughts', basically; if she does, the programming erases the thought and replaced it with something pro-Brotherhood.

 

Enjoy!

 

-Inferna

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Your story is quite interesting!

 

I also like all the subtle references, such as Voriki. And Undine. (Undertale reference?) I was NOT expecting either of those. You surprised me, and that's great! :D

 

One last thing: The banner for your story is beautiful. 

Edited by FrozenPancake_
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A big thank you to Toucan Sam for the Okotian name.


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:vahi: [ON HIATUS]  :vahi: 


 


 

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Heya love! Man, has it ever been a long time since I've given you a full review to one of your Epics on BZP.... Way, way too long... Lightning strikes twice I think, maybe Wings?

Anyways, this was great! I particularly liked this chapter, very easy to follow and understand, you can feel the various plans of evilness coming together >=D
 
First things first, though:

 

The Toa now numbered four, and the Spearhead Industries factory was still churning out weapons and technology to defend themselves with.

Now, I might just be seeing things, buuuuut I cant help but think this reminds me of something..... Does the CEO have a mask of persuasion, by any chance? :P interested to see what part they play in the story if any, regardless :)

 

Asha stood obediently just behind and to the left of Makuta Volterix as he waited for his pet Subject Beacon to return.

I love the effect this gives! It really gives the feeling of Beacon and her host struggling for control of thoughts, (or at least, that's what I think this is, and hopefully im not horribly mistaken) and makes things all the more interesting. :D

...There was two or three points towards the ends of some sentences that I could've sworn had a grammatical error to them (or at least, sounded like it was worded a little funny) that I was gonna quote and ask about, but I cant find them now, unfortunately... my eyes may have just been playing tricks on me ^^;

All in all though this was a great read, awesome work as usual! Cant wait to see what's in store for the next chapter, it's inspired me to want to create some fanart in the meantime ^^

 
Oh, and one last thing:
 

 

Isn't Voriki that meme character?

 
Petewa, No offence, but couldn't you have posted something a little more substantial for a review then a single question unrelated to the story itself? Or at least, save such questions for a member's profile feed, as the following guidelines suggest:
 

3. No spam. Posts must add to the discussion at hand. Spam includes random nonsense, overuse of emoticons, "leet" or chatspeak", and "first to post" comments. Casual chatting belongs elsewhere, such as in member profile comments or by PM / IM, etc.

4. Please avoid meaningless number ratings and focus on substantive reviewing. (If you have devised a meaningful ratings system you explain and apply consistently, however, more power to you. But "Awesome 9/10" is not a good post as it doesn't make clear what's in the 9 and what's in the 1, and also counts as spam.)

 
(granted this quote is from GA's rules and guidelines, but similar ones exist in most of the Creative-outlet forums, and I feel they are worth considering regardless of where your posting on the site ;))

--Akaku: Master of Flight

 
EDIT:
 

Your story is quite interesting!

I also like all the subtle references, such as Voriki. And Undine. (Undertale reference?) I was NOT expecting either of those. You surprised me, and that's great! :D

One last thing: The banner for your story is beautiful.

 
Really happy to hear that, considering I'm the guy who created said banner :P ^^

Edited by Akaku: Master of Flight

"I've brushed with death so often I should start giving him high-fives while I pass."

Recent Work: Return to Forum (2024)
Friend's works: Terrible Comics (2016) | The Guardians of Gevra Nui (2017) | Reborn (2016)
Older Work: The Legends of Taladi Nui (2017)

 

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