7 replies to this topic

[Lord Kini Hawkeye]

*Brushes off Snow*

Ah, well, if it isn't a Kini with a story.

Now it's been a while since i wrote the first chapter here so bear with me. I don't really intend to go back and change stuff too much but the writing quality should increase as more chapters are added. If you notice anything out of line with the content of an earlier chapter (i've already had to change some things in that respect) please tell me, as this is a work started in April of last year and not looked at again until literally a week ago.


Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two


Characters
Introduced characters will have a slight Bio posted here when I get around to it. If a character is introduced and does not appear with a profile, that will most likely mean that the character does not have an important role in the story asides the chapter(s) he or she appears in.

Main Characters
Skieros (Coming soon)

Known World
Random information will be stowed here if i deem it necessary to gain the full experience, or if enough reader interest is given.


Acknowledgements
Akaku:Master of Flight: For himself and Aqua


Remember people, reviews are welcome =)

Oh, and please note. There are references to real world events/memes/generalizations and a great many inside jokes. So please take them with some good humor - especially if you recognise them.

Edited by Lord Kini Hawkeye, Dec 18 2011 - 01:58 PM.

[Eljay: Toa of Mangosteen]

A very nice epic you have here, Kini! Reading the first chapter was a joy, and I immediately noticed the references to RvB and Canada Loved the characterization of Skieros. I'm eager to get into his head a little more and find out more about his past. Love the pacing so far, and I eagerly await the next chapter

[Kahi]

I have to admit: when I first saw "Ceneta", the first thing I thought of was "Canada". =P

I haven't really read an epic in this forum recently, but that chapter made me see what I was missing out on. I loved the way you described the elemental powers as well as how Skieros used them (too lazy to put the accent on the o, dangit). And of course, the "of all time" line was a good herald back to Agent Wash.

I like the medieval theme you've given it as well. Its a nice mix, balancing the science-fiction of biomechanical beings with the snow and inns and drunken villagers of fantasy lore. Honestly, it reminded me a bit of Skyrim the way you described it. That balance was something BIONICLE used to have that it has pretty much forgotten nowadays.

Anyhow, the setup seems quite good, and I'm looking forward to see where you take it. I'll be checking back momentarily.

[Applejack]

I thought it was pretty good.
The dialogue was kinda odd, but I'm not sure why.
Skerry seems like a j word though.
Good epic.

[Zahaki]

Great start to a Epic if I've ever seen one.

As the others said, I do see the reference of Ceneta with Canada.
The Dialog reminds me of Oblivion, or even Skyrim conversations, that could be just me.

Nice sneak in with the ‘eh’ to I might add xp
--
All in all, Great first Chapter. I can’t wait to read more!

[Lord Kini Hawkeye]

A very nice epic you have here, Kini! Reading the first chapter was a joy, and I immediately noticed the references to RvB and Canada Loved the characterization of Skieros. I'm eager to get into his head a little more and find out more about his past. Love the pacing so far, and I eagerly await the next chapter

Danke, Eljay. Next chappy should be up... in minutes . Thanks for enjoying it though, as i said it's a really old chapter, xD.

I have to admit: when I first saw "Ceneta", the first thing I thought of was "Canada". =P

I haven't really read an epic in this forum recently, but that chapter made me see what I was missing out on. I loved the way you described the elemental powers as well as how Skieros used them (too lazy to put the accent on the o, dangit). And of course, the "of all time" line was a good herald back to Agent Wash.

I like the medieval theme you've given it as well. Its a nice mix, balancing the science-fiction of biomechanical beings with the snow and inns and drunken villagers of fantasy lore. Honestly, it reminded me a bit of Skyrim the way you described it. That balance was something BIONICLE used to have that it has pretty much forgotten nowadays.

Anyhow, the setup seems quite good, and I'm looking forward to see where you take it. I'll be checking back momentarily.

Thanks, means a lot to hear that I've showed you a bit of what you're missing out on, lol. And don't worry, i'm too lazy to put the Accent out on anything but Chapters =P

Part of the theme is due to my undying love for the MNOG, and the way that everything worked. For example, i like to return to the usual Fantasy when i write Bionicle stories, and so the Elemental Powers are described as being similar to "Magic" abilities. The only thing I won't do is make the characters say something for their powers to work

And looking back, it is similar to Skyrim in a lot of ways. However I will say that I don't even remember Skyrim being announced at the time I wrote this originally, so and similarities are purely coincidental. =P

I thought it was pretty good.
The dialogue was kinda odd, but I'm not sure why.
Skerry seems like a j word though.
Good epic.

Dialogue would've ben kidna odd because, as stated, it's an older chapter (like, a good 6-8 months old) so yeah.

Skieros is a word in another language, but i'm not going to say. Also No you.

Danke

Great start to a Epic if I've ever seen one.

As the others said, I do see the reference of Ceneta with Canada.
The Dialog reminds me of Oblivion, or even Skyrim conversations, that could be just me.

Nice sneak in with the ‘eh’ to I might add xp
--
All in all, Great first Chapter. I can’t wait to read more!

I suppose the Dialogue, especially with the guard, was supposed to simulate that (I really don't want to be here but it's a good job so why am I talking to you) feel that the Oblivion and even Skyrim Guards/People had

Oh yeah Eh? 'Course i'll throw in Eh, Eh?

Lol, thanks Zahaki



New Chapter should be up in a few minutes.

[Eljay: Toa of Mangosteen]

Filler or no filler, the next chapter was quite nice! The end was pretty nerve rackin' with those riders on the mountain. I'm foreseeing a pretty awesome fight. They sorta reminded me of Bone Hunters. Only thing I noticed was here

` The newcomer, a blue armour

It switched to a new paragraph, and had a little thingymerbob up there, not to mention armor was misspelled =P But either way, a wonderful chapter regardless!

[Lord Kini Hawkeye]

Noted, and fixed.

Danke LJ