Spontaneous 2

[Voltex]

Spontaneous 2The Sequel to a Total FailiBrow Comedy ProductionsThe Island of Mata-Nui or SomethingTuraga Vakama was having a bad day, to say the least. And by bad day we mean he was having the worst day of his sorry life. Which was pretty bad, considering that just last week he’d had three amputations and been frozen into a solid block of ice.Today he’d gotten out of bed to first of all discover that his new wooden peg leg had been set on fire. Consequently, his entire shack was in flames and the Turaga was left homeless. Now, obviously everybody in Ta-Koro knew that taking in the homeless was lame (get a job!), so nobody let him in. Except for Takua, but that guy was just wacko.Anyway; after leaving Mr. Wacko’s house (that’s Takua’s house for you dummies out there), Turaga Vakama had become desperate for his daily mid-morning nap. Running out of places to stay, he decided to try sleeping in the stands at the Kohlii arena. Now, normally this shouldn’t have been an issue, but Jaller had decided that today he’d teach Mr. Wacko how to play Kohlii better than the average worm. Of course, Turaga Vakama didn’t know this until six Kohlii balls slammed onto his head at the same time. Ouch.After finally tossing Takua into the lava river (ooh, he’d wanted to do that for years! Years, I tell you!) Turaga Vakama scolded Jaller and then took Takua’s old home as his new one. The only problem was, since Takua was always off on some dumb adventure, the place was in the sewers. Literally; the place hadn’t been cleaned in nearly 1000 years. Try to imagine your mouldy gym socks that have been stuck in your locker for a month. Then multiply if by one billion and you have how bad Vultraz’s feet smell. Now divide that by sixteen, and you’ll get how bad Turaga Vakama’s new home both looked and smelled. Also, there were flies making a nest in the refrigerator. But that’s not important. What is important is Turaga Nokama took that time to visit him, and immediately dropped dead in his living room as a result.Now I don’t know about you, but it’s one thing to have killed a stupid, mindless Matoran; and QUITE another to have a not so mindless Turaga’s death on your hands (especially when the Turaga in question was the smartest person on the entire island).So Turaga Vakama fled to the not-so nearby village of Onu-Koro and began to work mining, where he remained for a full hour before he discovered a Manas Crab nest. Once discovered, the mama Manas Crab found herself immediately smacked on the head with Turaga Vakama’s staff. Unfortunately for Turaga Vakama, this only gave the mama Crab memory issues, and she now thought he was her son. To this very day, Turaga Vakama remains under the care of a loving Manas Crab mother, who must force feed him regurgitated worms every meal. Sometimes he gets a rat, too.The End.Does this one fail too?-ibrow

[Skarloth]

*Slowly nods*I didn't get it at all, just a bunch of bad things happening to Vakama that really couldn't happen.Obviously you won't be continuing it, so I can't give you many ideas on how to improve it. :PI would suggest turning the death off, a lot. No death in a comedy is normally good. XPAnother would be to organize it... it seemed random, kind of like a 'spur of the moment' short story. To be honest, I didn't find the pain and troubles of the Turaga to be funny in the least bit.Er... that's all, folks. (Or folk, since this is directed at Ibrow )-Skar

[Voltex]

A fail then, sadface.No matter. I wasn't planning on turning this into a series or anything.-ibrow

[MetaStriker]

Unfortunately, yes. As Skarloth said, EVEN the pain and troubles were not funny.Sorry ibrow . I only hope you've learned not to do this again.~TTG~P.S. That has to be the saddest post I've ever written. I feel so terrible right now .