Chapter 43: You know your friend sucks if he shouts at people over the internet.
Somewhere above the Indian Ocean...
Aexid sat on his throne room. Swiveling his chair left and right, he pressed the A button on his controller. "Ah.....Halo 4. The game created by those money-cowing milks." Selecting to play online, he said to nobody else around him, "What k/d do you think I'd get, hm? 0.23, like the last Halo? Hmm, hmm. Thats a good prediction. But, I would like you al to know, my loyal subjects, that.....I've made a Montage!!!"
The wind blew.
"And that signifies an increase in skill. Obviously my new k/d would at least be 3.14, isn't that right, subjects?" The wind, this time, didn't blow. "Fine, fine. Go ahead and just watch me pwn all the n00bs. Mostly 10 year olds from 'Murica with dang oblivious parents. Why couldn't I have an oblivious parent? If they were oblivious they wouldn't have forced the world to be it's slave. Oh well."
Tapping his feet on the ground as the game slowly searched for a lobby to join, the monitor eventually showed a lobby.
It also showed hacks, or as Aexid called them.
As the lobby came up, Aexid put on his mic, and instantly heard a screaming voice, obviously belonging to a rager. "I'LL PWN ALL YOU NOOBS DANGIT!" the rager said. Aexid calmly replied (Since nobody else actually had a mic), "Oh sit down, buddy. I'll pwn you before you pwn me."
"NOPE! I'LL BEAT YOU, SO BAD, YOU'LL THINK I'M HACKING!"
Somewhere in the Apartment...
Hahli Mahri: Hey, Jaller. You know thermal expansion, right? You're a Toa of Fire.
Jaller Mahri: Huh? Uh, yeah. Sure.
Hahli Mahri: So......um.......if I heated up my brea-
Hewkii Mahri: No, you flat-chested woma- (SMASH!)
Hahli Mahri: I.....said.....BREAD! Stupid boys.
Somewhere in the bedroom: I'LL PWN ALL YOU NOOBS DANGIT!
Hahli Mahri: (Faceplant) Somebody, make him shut up.
In the bedroom.....
Furno: Grrrr......*click click* Why won't he die?
Aexid: BECAUSE I'M BETTER THAN YOU! HAHAHA!
Furno: No! I'll beat you! Look! I already got my sniper from my ordnance!
Aexid: Yeah, well Ordnance is Random! But guess what? I got my skillful hax!
Furno: Wait, what? Hacks aren't skillful!
Aexid: Yeah they are! You need time and money to create a modded haxbox 360! And as we all know, Time and Money is what's required from girls! So you could say I tamed a girl to give me all her time and money! Which requires skill!
Aexid: (Snipes Furno)
Furno: Dude, you ####### hacker! I'm reporting you!
Aexid: Hahaha! Do it! Lets see who at Microsoft cares!
Furno: (Turns to Stormer) Um, could you, go and, uh, teleport JL back here?
Stormer: Where did he go?
Furno: Apparently somebody got a phone call saying they were in the US. You should be able to track them.
Stormer: With what?
Furno:.....Nuparu's Stupidity Tracker 9000.
Stormer: HNNNNGH! (Pushes the Stupidity Tracker 9000 to the teleporter) Right! Finally! So, we just turn this on, annnnnnd it shows us the most stupid people ever. And number 1 on that list is at......(Checks location)....here. Right. Says he's also the one playing the Xbox 360 right now. Riiiiiiiight.
Nuparu: Um, lets get to work, We can recalibrate the quantum efficiency physics for it to search for specific people, by creating an alternate current in the space-time continuum so you can use ideas and recognization to send your quantum brainwaves into the machine, which can then detect any similar persons of similar name, shape, size and stupidity.
Nuparu: Um.....If you have a retarted person that you want to kill, think about him and we can find him.
Nuparu: So we're looking for JL, right? We can just think of him, and we'll know.
Stormer: Ok. Thanks for the help! But why is Furno at the top of the stupidest people list?
Nuparu: Possibly because his lack of neurons and perhaps how each dendrite and axon are in some way genetically modified to be-
Nuparu: 'What did you expect.'
Stupidity Detector 9000: Ping! Ping!
Nuparu: Oh, we've found him. He's in America. Why is he in America? I thought he went to Disney. Which still makes no sense to me.
Stormer: Yeah, everything around us makes no sense. So we can just turn on the teleporter and find them. (Turns on teleporter, sets location, and pokes head through)
In 'Murica, as the native residents like to call it....
Stormer: (Pops head out of portal)
JL: Woah what the heck sweet baby chocolate!
Tahu:......So you didwads finally decided to come and get us, did you.
Stormer: Yeah.....Furno needs some help with the Xbox 360. Says he needs you.
JL: Wow. I feel so ###### honored.
Karo: You should! Somebody in this world actually needs your help with something!
Stormer: *Murmuring* Yeah, and that person is the stupidest one on the world. I would feel honored too.
Karo: What was that?
Stormer: Oh, no, nothing. It's all k, ok?
JL: Yeah, sure? Anyways, yay. I can finally get on the Xbox 360.
Stormer: Errr....about that....
Tahu Nuva: *Jumps through portal*
Stormer: Right. Yeah, lets just get over here. I feel like this portal might close on my neck, severing my head.
JL: Um....ok. *Jumps through*
Karo: What about me? Guys? I've afraid its all just a lie...*Jumps in*
Back in the Apartment...
JL: We're back. Ok.....so who needs help again?
Stormer: Furno. He's...raging.
JL: Ah, the classic 10 year old. Easily handled by a skilled pro-
Stormer: He's playing a hacker. He's too stupid to know it, but I could tell.
JL: Oh. That....means he might DDOS us! So....report him! Its not like Microsoft will let us to anything else.
Furno: Yeah, thats the issue. How do you report someone?
Karo:....I have no idea why we're doing this.
JL: You...click 'report'.
Furno:.....Ooooooooooh. Kthx. *Presses Report Player*
Microsoft Support: Oh, another report. Lets just ignore it, because we have to make sure our service is 100% useless, so people will keep on buying new stuff in order to play.
Hydrona: *Appears and snaps fingers* Human, you will ban that Xbox 360.
Microsoft Support: I...I will ban that Xbox 360.....why? That means our service will work.
Hydrona: *Snaps fingers* Because the annoying user of that Xbox 360 hid a tornado in my underwear as a joke. Made it look like I farted a dang water vortex into existence.
Microsoft Support: That...that sounds harsh. Yes, I will ban the user of that Xbox 360.
Hydrona: Good. *Disappears*