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Bionicle: Learning Our Past Review Topic


ZTG

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Like the title says, need I say more? Please no negative reviews, if you see something wrong, don't just splat it out saying its terrible please.Link to story:http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=3075&hl=&fromsearch=1

"Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become,"-C.S. Lewis


 


 


 

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Hello again, Alt. D, here is your official ECC review. As fate would have it, the ECC rotation put me in charge of reviewing another one of your epics. Funny how that works, huh? Anyway, I've been away from home for a few days, which is why it took me longer than usual to review this for you. So without any further delays, let's get to it.A couple things to start. First, you split a single chapter into three posts. You know you can just edit the first post if you want to add extra writing, right? Second, looking at the multitude of little errors I came across, I'm going to assume you still don't have MS Word or something of the sort. If you don't want to drop the money on it, I highly recommend you proofread your work very, very carefully.Regarding the actual chapter, I'm getting a lot of telling, not much showing. This feels suspiciously like a prologue more than anything, almost like the first chapter hasn't really begun. If done right, your three posts of exposition could become their own story. Something to think about. Getting back to the point, you've created a large playing field for your "Gunsmiths" to roam and play in, and that's a good thing. Nothing worse than a writer feeling boxed in with their work.Because only a few months have passed since I last reviewed a piece of your work, I find myself being drawn to say a lot of the things I brought up about Mass Destruction, in terms of your writing abilities and where you need improvement. But of course, I'm not here to reiterate. If you're curious, follow this link to have a glance at what I told you. Unfortunately, there isn't enough in this new epic yet to properly judge if you are improving. The ECC doesn't receive many requests, and we would be more than happy to review this again when you have more written.For the time being, reread your work (aloud if you have to) to catch those little issues. I also recommend reading other works, both here on the forums and in libraries. Like a musician, a writer can learn a great deal from the work of others. Good luck, Alt. D.-Ced

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Hello again, Alt. D, here is your official ECC review. As fate would have it, the ECC rotation put me in charge of reviewing another one of your epics. Funny how that works, huh? Anyway, I've been away from home for a few days, which is why it took me longer than usual to review this for you. So without any further delays, let's get to it.A couple things to start. First, you split a single chapter into three posts. You know you can just edit the first post if you want to add extra writing, right? Second, looking at the multitude of little errors I came across, I'm going to assume you still don't have MS Word or something of the sort. If you don't want to drop the money on it, I highly recommend you proofread your work very, very carefully.Regarding the actual chapter, I'm getting a lot of telling, not much showing. This feels suspiciously like a prologue more than anything, almost like the first chapter hasn't really begun. If done right, your three posts of exposition could become their own story. Something to think about. Getting back to the point, you've created a large playing field for your "Gunsmiths" to roam and play in, and that's a good thing. Nothing worse than a writer feeling boxed in with their work.Because only a few months have passed since I last reviewed a piece of your work, I find myself being drawn to say a lot of the things I brought up about Mass Destruction, in terms of your writing abilities and where you need improvement. But of course, I'm not here to reiterate. If you're curious, follow this link to have a glance at what I told you. Unfortunately, there isn't enough in this new epic yet to properly judge if you are improving. The ECC doesn't receive many requests, and we would be more than happy to review this again when you have more written.For the time being, reread your work (aloud if you have to) to catch those little issues. I also recommend reading other works, both here on the forums and in libraries. Like a musician, a writer can learn a great deal from the work of others. Good luck, Alt. D.-Ced

Thanks. The reasonI don't use Microsoft word is cause this is either written on my mac or iPhone 4S. But thanks for the tip and I have just made the changes. I'll ask if you can review it again once I get a few more chapters in. Also Mass Destruction is erased( figuratively speaking) and the other fanfics I made are obsolete now since Learning our Past is the new story.

"Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become,"-C.S. Lewis


 


 


 

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