Edited by Shadow Guardian, Feb 06 2012 - 09:27 AM.
Posted Feb 04 2012 - 10:41 PM
Posted Feb 05 2012 - 01:32 PM
I think you meant to say 'stared'.
He stated at the Olmak which sat behind glass across from him.
Should be 'hand'.Anyway, this is a good story and I enjoyed it.
His held clutched Tridax's own acid-tipped staff.
Everyone is one choice away from being a bad guy in someone else's story.
Posted Feb 06 2012 - 11:19 PM
Posted Mar 10 2012 - 11:54 AM
That should be were. Pretty much the only error I found that someone else hadn't pointed out.All in all, kudos for fleshing out an underloved character in a creative, interesting way.-Teezy
They'd shoved him in a place so pathetic its inhabitants we're referred to as "ghosts."
"I have seen your soul, and known your touch, years before you or I ever traded gazes. Your life has been a comedy of brash decisions and petty spite. You have besmirched your title. You have fought to wear a name that many would argue you no longer deserve. You have been a prince and a psychopath in equal measure, and whatever your touch turns to gold, your very presence will marr and maim. You have lied, stolen, seduced, tortured, murdered, backstabbed, and if it were not for the fact that you are not the man you pretended to become, you would have been dead long before tonight, Toa Dorian."
"And if you make one more false move, you will be dead long before tomorrow."
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