Road Trip 2
Posted Oct 13 2011 - 09:32 PM
And so, the return of Road Trip 2! (Man, my old chapters seem so immature now... How long have I been writing this?)
“I’m home!” Jalina shouted as she let the door slam behind her. Enjoying the freedom of summer vacation, she strolled into the living room. Then she froze, not believing what she saw. It so was unbelievable and shocking, all she could do was stare.
The living room was clean.
And it wasn’t just clean. It was sparkling, Gleaming, your-neat-freak-grandma-is-coming-to-visit, Spit and polish clean. Though thankfully without the spit. The furniture looked like new, the china dishes were all neatly stacked in their cupboard, and the floor shined as if newly polished. Jalina sighed and walked through the kitchen and quickly found the family room door, mysteriously closed. She took a deep breath and opened the door.
Inside, she found what would pass for an ordinary scene, if an ordinary scene involved six partially crazy toa and six almost-crazy Piraka. Thok was engaged in a boxing match with Hewkii on the Wii, with Kongu and Reidak egging them on. Over in one corner, Avak and Nuparu were intensely whispering about something, presumably the latest “labor-saving device.” In another corner, Vezok and Hakann were raiding the Mini-fridge, arguing whether or not to eat the mysterious green thing in the back. Zaktan lay on the floor, moaning because Hewkii and Thok were staging their Wii match on top of him. Hahli and Jaller were curled up on the couch watching the Wii match. And Matoro was laid back on another couch, reading a book. No one took any notice of Jalina standing in the doorway.
“Ahem!” Jalina cleared her throat, and all activity in the room stopped. Vezok whipped around, accidentally hitting Hakann in the head with a jar of olives.
“Jalina! You're home! How were finals?” Vezok asked, dodging a can of peas thrown at him by Hakann. Jalina ignored the question and glared at the entire group.
“Okay, what did you guys do now?”
“What makes you think we did anything?” Nuparu asked.
“The living room is clean.” Jalina replied, stepping into the room.
“Aw man! I TOLD you we should have left some armor lying around or something!” Zaktan shouted from under Avak’s foot. “then she wouldn’t have known!’
“it’s water under the bridge, guys. let it go” Matoro said, closing his book and sitting up on the couch. “so, Jalina, you do realize that it’s summer, and, except for one or two minor exceptions,” Matoro continued, glaring at the others “we’ve been pretty good. so what do you say to a road trip again this year?”
“I don’t know...” Jalina replied. “remember the last time we took a road trip?”
“No.” Hewkii responded
“You wouldn’t.” Jaller muttered. “you were obsessed with apples most of the time.”
“APPLES?!?! WHERE!?!?!!” Hewkii shouted, then cowered under Zaktan in fear. “HIDE ME!”
“My point exactly.” Jaller continued. “and I don’t feel like recapping the entire trip.”
“You don’t need to.” Jalina replied. “readers can just use this handy Hyperlink to read the first comedy.”
“So we’re breaking the fourth wall now?” Nuparu asked.
“Why not? You guys have broken everything else.” Jalina said.
“Getting back to the subject on hand...” Hahli said. “so can we go on a road trip this year?”
Jalina exhaled. “ I suppose.” The rest of the room erupted in cheers.
“But where are we going to go this year?” Kongu asked stepping on zaktan’s hand by accident, causing a pileup on the floor, consisting of three piraka and two toa.
Jalina sighed again. “Good point. Where should we go this year? New York?” nobody moved.
“Washington D.C?” Still no reply.
“Legoland?” Still nobody moved. Jalina threw up her hands in frustration. “guys, we are NOT going to Disneyland. Period.”
“Why not? Avak asked.
“Because, among other things, the last thing I need is Reidak singing ‘it’s a small world’ ALL THE WAY HOME.” Jalina replied, flopping down on the couch next to matoro. “so where else could we go this year?”
“Ooh! Ooh! I know!” Thok raised his hand excitedly. Jalina looked everywhere but Thok, everyone was thinking hard about where to go this year but nobody else could think of a good place to go for a summer road trip. Finally, Jalina sighed yet again. And looked at Thok. “okay, Thok, where do you think we should go?”
“First off, you need to sigh less.”
“Whatever Thok. you were saying...?”
“ Second, I think we should go to...”
End Chapter 1
Posted Oct 14 2011 - 10:19 AM
Taipu still won't love me.
i love you
love me back
my darling taipu
Posted Oct 16 2011 - 11:37 AM
Oh, sorry. Probably shouldn't have said that.
Anyhow, I'm willing to bet a few new changes will be made to the chapters. I'm seeing it everywhere else!
Wholly owned by Southern Oregon and Pacific Railroad Corporation.
Posted Oct 16 2011 - 03:24 PM
And speaking of, a new chapter!
Road Trip 2
“...Well?” Avak asked. Thok had been standing in the same position for five minutes without moving, or even giving his suggestion on where they should go for summer vacation. No one else had moved, not sure what to do or what to say. Suddenly, Thok relaxed, confusion apparent on his face.
Jaller groaned. “Fantastic. There goes five minutes we could have used to plan our trip. We still don’t even know where we’re going! Why didn’t any of you ask him before?
“I thought he was going for the dramatic emphasis, so I didn’t interrupt him.” Reidak said.
“You don’t think Reidak, remember?” Hakann said.
“I do to think!” Reidak shot back.
“But we still don’t know where we’re going! It’s all your fault!” at once, arguments broke out as disagreements over where to go, whose fault it was, what the meaning of life was, and just what the green thing in the back of the fridge was.
“Guys!” Jalina shouted. The room fell silent. “Since you can’t make up your minds, we’ll just take a coast-to-coast trip. How does that sound?” she asked, getting up from the couch. Sounds of approval flowed throughout the room.
“Great. Now go pack. I’m going to go online and search for any carnivals, fairs, or festivals that would be fun to go see.” Jalina said as she left the room. The group was silent for a moment, then there was a stampede as everyone rushed to their separate rooms to pack, leaving a paused boxing match, a broken can of peas, and Zaktan, still squished onto the floor.
“A little help?”
“So Jalina, just what route are we taking on this trip?” Hahli asked as she pulled her suitcase out of the closet. Jalina was seated at her desk, rapidly searching the internet.
“Well, I’m thinking we’re going to start in Portland, Oregon, then go up through Washington, then travel east to New York, head south to Georgia, then go back through to California and then go home. We'll probably be stopping at some beaches, lakes, carnivals, and other fun stuff.” Jalina said, typing with one hand and stacking a toppling pile of papers with the other. “I’m trying to find events and attractions that aren’t very expensive.”
“Expensive to visit?” Hahli asked, setting her suitcase on the bed.
“No, expensive to replace or fix. You know the boys.” Jalina said, turning to face Hahli. “Half of my budget for this trip is figured to what is probably going to be broken; doors, windows, buildings...”
“OK, okay, I get the idea.” Hahli replied. She then wandered over to the closet and began chucking items into the now-open suitcase. Jalina turned back to her computer and continued her search.
“Hey, there’s some sort of big sale going on in Washington. ‘largest sale of Apple products in the history of Washington.' Maybe I can finally get that stop-motion program I’ve been meaning to get for my imac.” Jalina said a couple of minutes later.
“Cool. I need to get a new casing for my Ipod.” Hahli said as she sent a swimsuit, some goggles, flip-flops, and a toaster sailing across the room.
“What happened to it?” Jalina asked, logging off and pulling her own suitcase from under the bed.
“I don’t know, but I’m willing to bet Nuparu had something to do with it.” Hahli said, stacking books on the shelf as the closet slowly cleared out. “I caught him yesterday trying to take apart Jaller’s alarm clock for a nuclear fission machine, or something.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Jalina asked, unzipping her suitcase and turning to her dresser.
“Better yet, why would you be surprised?” Hahli countered.
“Why are you packing the kitchen sink?”
“All right, is everybody packed and ready to go?” Jalina asked later that evening. The living room was packed with suitcases, the pile reaching all the way to the 12-foot high ceiling. Zaktan had been peeled off the floor and was leaned against the wall, pulling apart his squished-together protodites and sending them buzzing in Hewkii and Thok’s ears. The other toa and piraka were scattered throughout the room, shouting that they were ready to go, bumping into each other as they turned corners in a last-minute scramble.
“Ok, just let me make sure that you packed everything that you need.” Jalina said, and proceeded to open the first suitcase. A loud sigh was promptly heard. “Hakann, you are NOT bringing your 50” plasma TV screen with us. And you’re also not bringing the Wii, Xbox 360, and the Playstation 3 either.” Jalina handed the entire suitcase over to Hakann, who complained as he took the rejected items back to the family room as Jalina opened the next suitcase.
“Matoro, do you have to bring your entire library with us? Just pick out a few, I’m sure we’ll be stopping at a bookstore or two along the way.” Jalina said, seeing a huge stack of books pop out of a white case. Another suitcase opened. “And no, Vezok, we are not bringing the fridge. Go put it back.” And on it went, until the pile of luggage had been downzised from nearly two stories tall to 13 reasonably sized suitcases. Jalina, happy with the result, turned to look at the group, disheveled from putting half the contents of the house back where they belonged.
“Can we go now?” Kongu asked, head drooping.
“No, we can’t go now.” Jalina said, sitting on the couch.
“WHY NOT?” everyone else asked, shocked and disappointed.
“I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but it’s 10:00 at night. We really can’t get a good start until tomorrow morning.” Jalina replied.
“Ooohhhh.” and with that, the group tiredly shambled off to their respective rooms to get some sleep before starting the trip.
Deep in the shadows of the bowels of wherever-the-bowels were, a voice, hardly louder than the quietest whisper, spoke.
“They are coming.”
Edited by Jalina T.T., Oct 16 2011 - 03:28 PM.
Posted Oct 31 2011 - 12:11 AM
BIONICLE ROAD TRIP 2 Part 3
Daylight streamed lazily through the open window upon a room filled with bunk beds, strewn armor, and several weapons. Sleeping forms filled the bunks, dreaming of battles, victories and chocolate. It was the perfect summers day for sleeping in and doing nothing.
It was too good to last.
“GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! TIME TO GET UUPPPPP!”
Jaller pulled his head up, gazed blearily at the clock, and groaned. “It’s five in the morning. Can’t I sleep in for another five minutes?”
“Sorry, Jaller.” Jalina said, yanking him out of bed, turning him to face the door. “But you know this house. It takes forever just to get out the front door. NOW GET!” with that, she gave him a firm shove and turned to begin hauling Kongu off of the top bunk. Toa and piraka moaned and began attempts to disentangle themselves from their sheets. On the far side of the room, Nuparu flopped out of bed and hit the floor. luckily, he was on the bottom bunk. unluckily, Hewkii fell off the top bunk and right onto him.
“HEWKII! GET OFF!”
“Alright, Is everyone ready to go?” Jalina asked. Everyone was gathered in the kitchen, in various stages of consciousness. Matoro was holding a steaming coffee mug, while Zaktan was downing doughnuts and Candy at an incredible rate. Hahli dozed on Jaller’s shoulder, and Reidak was drooling on the floor, gazing off into space.
“I think so.” Kongu said, picking up an apple from the counter. Hewkii promptly scooted away.
“Do you guys have everything packed?” Jalina asked, glancing into the living room. “I don’t want to forget anything.”
“Yeah, we were packed three months ago. Seriously, can’t you write chapters a little faster?”
“Hey, be happy I remembered this comedy at all!” Jalina retorted, vanishing into the next room.
“Can we just get on the road? I actually want to get somewhere in this chapter.” Matoro muttered, taking a sip of coffee.
“All right, all right, we’re going..” Jalina said poking her head back into the kitchen. “Hey wait a minute, where’s Hakann?”
“He’s outside warming up the car.”
“Alright, C’mon boy! Up and ‘Attem!” Hakann shouted into the crisp morning air. He shouted some more. He banged some pots and pans with a spoon. And the car wouldn’t stir.
“Come ON, Fennrahk! We need to get going!” Hakann complained. Fennrahk groaned and rolled over, sticking his tongue out and panting.
“C’mon! I know you’re tired, but you’ll feel more awake when you hit the road!” Hakann said, patting Fennrahk on the head. Fennrahk groaned again, but he didn’t move.
“Hey Hakann! What’s taking so long?” Vezok shouted, sticking his head out the window. He regretted doing that when he realized he forgot to open the window first.
“Oh, Chill, Vezok. It’s just a bit of glass.” Jalina said, marching down the front steps. “Hakann, why Isn’t Fennrahk up ready to go?”
“He just won’t get up! I think he’s sick or something.”
“Hey, Boy.” Jalina walked over to Fennrahk, and began to stroke him gently, petting him and feeling his forehead..
“Hakann, you didn’t try to warm him up literally, did you?” Jalina asked.
“Do you really think I’m that crazy?” Hakann replied indignantly.
“Yes.” Jalina went back to examining Fennrahk. “Oh Dear. Fennrahk’s sick. I think he’s got the mumps.”
“Does this mean we’re not going on our vacation?” Vezok asked, his head still stuck in the kitchen window. The masks and faces of the others were visible behind him, trying to see out.
“No, the trip’s not canceled. I’ll just have to find a pet-sitter for Fennrahk, and rent a vehicle for the trip.”
“WOAH! a Skopio! Jalina, you are the best!” Nuparu said in awe later that day.
“Don’t give me so much credit. It’s the only vehicle that will hold all of us that was available on short notice. Now everyone get on before we lose any more time.” Jalina said, shoving everyone on board the Skopio. Back in the driveway, Fennrahk was curled up in his bed, a giant water bottle on sitting on his head and a thermometer sticking out of his mouth. sitting on a stool next to the bed was the Pet-sitter, Vezon, who was flipping through a magazine.
“I just hope Vezon knows what he’s doing. I don’t trust him...” Hahli said, looking concerned.
“Don’t worry. He’s the best person to care for a Fennrahk spider. I trust him.” Jalina said, carefully reading the driver’s manual for the Skopio.
“I meant with the thermometer. He might break it and kill himself with the mercury or something.”
“Ah, he’ll be fine.” Jalina said, stowing the drivers manual away. “Now, who’s ready for the road trip of a lifetime?”
“Are we there yet?”
“No, Kongu, We’re not there yet.. We just left Oregon, for crying out loud. We won’t be at the festival. for at least an hour.” Jalina said, steering the Skopio into a faster lane.
“Well, don’t look at us! It took forever to get you and Matoro out of the City of Books. Then we ran into that one science museum...” Kongu replied, rolling his eyes.
“Well, on the plus side, we didn’t do that much damage.” Nuparu said, playing with a set of gears on his lap.
“You blew up the submarine!” Jaller shouted, turning around in the front seat to face Nuparu.
“Well, they shouldn’t have left those active torpedoes in.” Nuparu said defensively. “They should have replaced them with duds or something. I mean, volatile torpedoes in the middle of a huge city... What are they thinking?”
“They weren’t thinking that they would have to worry about you.” Jaller pointed out.
“Will you all please just be QUIET!!” Jalina shouted. The entire vehicle was silent. “Thank you. We’ll be at Wenatchee in a little bit. We’ll stop there so that everyone can stretch their legs and take a break. There’s also a nice apple festival there, so I want to pick up a couple of things for my computer. You are all welcome to tag along with me. Happy?”
“Are we there yet?”
“Okay. We made it to the festival.” Jalina said, pushing her way through the crowds. All of the Toa and Piraka followed close behind behind her. Strangely, nobody paid them a second glance.
“I can’t wait to see what this is all about” Hewkii said, racing around the corner. Then the rest of the group rounded the corner. And froze.
“Just what kind of Apple festival was advertised on the site?”
“... Uh oh”
TO BE CONTINUED!
Posted Nov 01 2011 - 09:38 AM
Soo... Fennrahk is some kind of living car?
Posted Nov 01 2011 - 07:36 PM
In Bionicle canon, Fennrahk is the giant spider creature (made monstrous by the mask of life) that Vezon rides, and uses to protect said mask of life. In this comedy, He's the family pet/transportation. In the First Road Trip, he somehow managed to stay with the group the entire trip. This time, He's sick and has to stay home. (But this comedy isn't over yet...)
Hmm... The First Road Trip... Sounds like another comedy in the works!
Edited by Jalina T.T., Nov 01 2011 - 07:37 PM.
Posted Dec 14 2011 - 11:29 PM
Road Trip 2!
“Okay, Jalina, Just what kind of Apple festival was advertised on the site?
“It was an honest mistake! The site said that there would be the best apple and Macintosh products around, so I assumed they were talking about the computer company.”
“WHAT KIND OF TOWN HAS A COMPUTER FESTIVAL!?!?!?!?” Avak yelled. The town square was overflowing with shoppers and tourists, and yet no one seemed to notice six toa, six piraka, and an exasperated teenager in a heated argument. “I’d think that you, of all people, Jalina, would know better.” Avak said, his hand over his glowing eyes.
The square was in the middle of your average town festival, with bright cheery colors, crisp autumn air, smiling faces, and music floating through the air. The only problem was that the festival was about...
“A-A-A-ppleess...” Hewkii Stuttered, hiding behind Nuparu.
“Look, I’m sorry!” Jalina said. “But we really don’t have any choice right now but to deal with it.”
Matoro sighed and looked back. “But what about Hewkii? you know he’s deathly afraid of apples. I think he might even be allergic to them.” Hewkii cowered even lower behind Nuparu, trembling like a leaf.
“Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” Jalina said. “Right, now, He’ll just have to suffer. Once we’re through the crowds, we can get back to the parking lot and leave. I know that tonight’s stop is close enough that we can still get there before nightfall.”
“That sounds like a fantastic idea. Let’s get out of here.” Jaller said. And with that, the fair-sized group began working their way through the crowds of people enjoying the apple festival. As we have stated, the town square was packed full of people, which was not entirely true. For at the center of the square was a giant model of a bright, red, juicy apple, and of course the easiest way out of the square passed right next to this giant. Hewkii, still terrified but no longer able to hide behind Nuparu, stood straight and closed his eyes, trembling the entire time.
“Okay, just hold on to Nuparu, and don’t open your eyes, and everything will be alright.” Hewkii told himself over and over.. Just as he passed under the shadow of the giant apple, everyone heard a loud CCCRREEAAAAKKKK. The crowd turned and gasped in unison.
“Oh no, Oh no, oh PLEASE NO!” Hewkii whimpered, opening his eyes cautiously and looking in front of him. Then he turned to see the giant apple beginning to tilt dangerously toward him. With a high-pitched scream that would have made the Bee Gees proud, Hewkii turned back and ran like a madman, tearing through the crowds in a desperate attempt to escape the giant monstrosity that was falling behind him. The giant apple fell over with a metallic CRASH and began to gently roll. and it kept on rolling, following the natural slope of the streets.
Which, of course, was exactly the same way Hewkii was running.
“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Hewkii, who had looked back to see if he was safe, saw the giant apple rolling after him, and tore down the hill, the giant apple rumbling along behind him. Crowds parted as clean as a knife through butter as the colossus fruit tumbled down the street. And all poor Hewkii could do was keep running.
Without a word, but with several gasps and exclamations, the others tore after him, following the giant apple down the hill. Jalina stayed at the top of the slope, however, wondering just what had made the apple fall over. Her queries were answered a second later by a loud, almost screaming, voice.
“BERIX! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ANYTHING!” Jalina turned and saw a purple and green toa shouting at a smaller, cowering blue figure. Jalina rolled her eyes and walked over to the arguing duo.
“But I didn’t touch it!” Berix whined in an attempt at innocence. the toa gave him a steely glare that would have chilled hot chocolate. “Okay, maybe I did, but I didn’t do anything! I just barely touched that stupid apple! Barely! So lightly, I could barely even tell that I touched it!
“Gee, who could have done it then?” Jalina said, standing right behind Berix. The blue Agori whipped around so fast that he fell over and landed on his bum. “Some ingenious evil monstrosity must have rigged the apple to fall over at JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT, at the very second that you touched the apple, and you can’t really be blamed for it at all.”
“Oh, hey Jalina. fancy seeing you here.” The toa said. grabbing Berix by the scruff of his neck and lifting him to his feet.
“Hey, Numi. it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Jalina said, with an amused smirk. “How are things going in Canada?”
“Oh, going good. Well, as good as it can get with this little menace “fixing” the toaster, and everything else, every three days.” Numi said, hefting Berix off of his feet. “Hey, how’s Hewkii doing? I heard that he got cured of that crazy old apple addiction of his. Is that true?”
“Well, it’s more like he’s now deathly afraid of apples, but yeah, he’s cured.” Jalina said. Then she slapped her forehead. “Speaking of which, I need to go. I’m afraid Berix’s ‘accident’ sent the giant apple rolling after Hewkii, and should probably make sure that he’s okay.”
“I’ll come with you. I need to find Axonn anyway.” Numi said, grabbing Berix, who had left himself down and had tried to sneak off, and dragging him after her.
“OW! Hey, I can walk, you know!”
“Hewkii? are you alright?” Hahli called, trying to see around the giant apple, but the metal fruit had squashed itself against a brick wall, hiding any hint of Hewkii from view.
“Do you think he’s all right?” Kongu asked nervously.
“Physically? He’ll be fine. Toa of stone are built like rocks. But mentally? who knows...” Reidak said.
“Guys! Where’s Hewkii?” Jalina asked frantically, finally catching up with the group.
“As near as we can tell, somewhere behind the apple.” Vezok said, gesturing to the large fruit balanced against the wall.
“Hmm. I think I have a solution.” Numi said. She turned around and looked all the way back up the cobblestone hill. “ Hey Axonn! Get down here!”
“Who’s the toa?” Zaktan asked Jaller in a whisper.
“Oh, that’s my old friend, Numi. She lives up in Canada, and we’ve had a couple of adventures together.” Jalina replied having heard Zaktan’s quiet question. Farther up the hill, a large red and silver giant began lumbering down, sending some loose cobblestone bricks rattling. “We used be neighbors a while ago, but she had to move, for some reason or another.”
“I’ve told you time and time again, I wanted adventure.” Numi said, watching the giant advance. “And I heard about how Canada’s really awesome.” by that time, Axonn had reached the bottom of the hill. “Hey Axonn, think you can move this? Berix accidentally touched it.”
“Again? Why am I not surprised?” Axonn said in a rumbling voice. He turned, and, using his glinting axe, sliced the giant apple cleanly in half.
“Well, what do ‘ya know?” Jalina said peering between the two fallen slices. Behind where the apple had been was a low, solid stone wall. Hewkii’s trembling mask slowly rose above it, fearful.
“Is it gone?” He asked in the quietest of whispers. From what the other toa could tell, Hewkii had used his power over stone just in time, putting a rock wall between him and the runaway fruit.
“Yes, it’s gone.” Jalina said. Hewkii stumbled over the wall, stood erect, walked over, and then collapsed at her feet. “Let’s go, guys. I don’t think Hewkii wants to be here any longer than he has to.” She said with a smile. Jaller and Kongu walked over and helped the shaken toa to his feet. Together, they began to walk out to the parking lot, where Skopio patiently waited.
“Hey hey hey, where are you going?” Numi asked Jalina curiously.
“Oh, we’re taking a coast to coast road trip for the summer.” Jalina said.
“Well, we’re coming too.” Numi replied. “I want more adventure then what I’ve been finding in Canada, and, knowing you, adventure-and trouble-are never very far behind.”
“Sooooooo...they have found some more companions......” The voice hissed, echoing around the pitch-black room. “But it will take more than that to stop me..... My plan shall come through to the end... and the world will fall....”
ANNOUNCEMENT: Are any of my CCC critics reading this? Anyone interested in the CCC? I want to know if any of you are still interested in working for the CCC again. Things are in flux right now, so it's a little unsteady, but I also have christmas break to work on stuff. If you are interested in the CCC, or are a returning member, please let me know soon. (Except you. I already know that you want to come back. )
Posted Jan 05 2012 - 03:58 PM
Posted Jul 24 2012 - 06:35 PM
I had forgotten how much I loved it.
So here's another (Much longer) chapter of Road Trip 2. The comedy itself may not entirely revive, but I enjoyed typing out a story again, and now I feel the drive to start on other things that have been cluttering up my mind recently.
Here we go:
BIONICLE Road Trip 2!
“Are we there yet?”
“No, Kongu. We Just got out of Idaho.” Hewkii muttered as Skopio roared along on the freeway. Numi, Axonn and Berix, who had joined the group at a apple festival in Washington, rode their speeder bike behind them. Or, more appropriately, Numi and Axonn rode the bike while Berix held on to the end for dear life.
“Hey, Jalina!” Numi called from the bike, shouting against the wind. Jalina handed the controls to Jaller and turned around.
“Where are we stopping today?” Numi asked.
“No, We’re not shopping today!” Jalina called back, confused.
“No, STOPing.” Numi yelled.
“Stop? All right.” Jalina said. She grabbed the controls from Jaller and steered Skopio to the nearest exit. Several confusing minutes later, They stopped at an old, abandoned ghost town at the end of a dirt road. Jalina hopped down and walked over to Numi.
“Okay, we stopped. Now, what did you want to tell me?” Jalina asked. Numi slapped her forehead.
“I was asking where we were gonna stop today, not if you wanted to stop so I could ask you something..” She said. Jalina groaned, understanding.
“Well, this ghost town wasn’t on my list. I’ll get Skopio started back up.” Jalina said. She turned around and jumped back on Skopio. Unfortunately, Skopio was worn out from the 70 mph speeds he had been traveling all her attempts to get him moving again failed. Finally, Skopio rolled over onto its side, depositing its load of six toa and six piraka on the dusty ground. Jalina barely managed to hang onto his neck. She gingerly reached over and felt his forehead.
“Whoops. I think I accidentally overheated our Skopio. We’re going to be stuck here until he cools down again.” Jalina said, clambering down.
“Can’t we call AAA or something?” vezok asked.
“Do you know of a AAA that treats animal transports?” Matoro retorted. “Face it, we’re stuck here for a while.”
“Berix and I can go try to find a gas station or something. Axonn said, swinging Berix into the backseat. “We’ll be back in a little bit.” And with that, they roared off back to the freeway. Numi looked confused.
“Exactly how is going to a gas station going to help us out?” Numi asked. “What are they going to do, get a tow truck that’ll haul Skopio?”
“I have no idea.” Jalina replied.
The group watched them leave, then looked at the ghost town. The wind whistled, and a tumbleweed rolled by. It rolled into one of the stores, then rolled back out with a mouse tangled up in its brambles. It rolled past a sign which was too faded to read. The sky overhead had turned cloudy, and the air turned humid, as if there were a looming thunderstorm.
“Hey, since we’re here, why don’t we explore this town a little?” Hakann asked. The entire group looked at him. “What? It’s not like we have anything else to do.”
“Oh yes, because wandering into an abandoned ghost town in the middle of a thunderstorm with no way to escape or call for help sounds like such a smart thing to do.” Nuparu replied sarcastically. “Honestly, Hakann, I thought Reidak was the dumbest of the piraka, not you.”
“Hey! I resemble that remark!” Reidak retorted.
“Nuparu’s right.” Hahli said. “It might seem innocent at first, but something about that place doesn’t seem right.”
“Let’s ask Zaktan, He’s good at reading these kinds of situations,” Matoro said. “What do you think, Zaktan?”
“He was right behind me.” Jalina said. The group began to turn around and look, but the green piraka was nowhere to be seen.
“Now THAT’S eerie.” Jaller commented.
“It’s like some evil, hidden, destructive force came out of nowhere and swallowed him up, taking him.” Matoro said. “maybe it’s out for all of us... Lurking...watching...wanting revenge...”
“Please don’t say that.” Jalina said.
“Why not?” Matoro asked.
“Because then it will come true and We’ll have to deal with it for the rest of the comedy.” Jalina replied.
“Back to the subject at hand...” Avak said. “Where do you think he really would have gone?”
“Well, which way’s the wind blowing?” Hewkii asked. Everyone looked at him. “What?” Hewkii said. You know what he’s like. More than likely a strong gust blew by when he was distracted and carried him off.”
“If that’s true, then He’ll be downwind.” Kongu said. “And downwind is...” He turned and pointed “Thataway.” Everyone turned and looked in that direction, which was...
“...Directly down the main street of the creepy ghost town.” Jalina said. “Fantastic. All right, who wants to go help find him?” She turned and asked. Everyone else immediately took a quick (and very large) step backwards.
“Everyone who took a step back just volunteered. Now let’s go.” Jalina said, turning and beginning to walk down the main road. Reluctantly, the group began to follow him, all except for Thok, who remained behind.
“There’s no way I’m going in there.” Thok said.
“Okay. Then you can stay here by yourself and watch Skopio until we get back.” Jaller said, walking away.
Thok stood their for a minute and watched the group walk into town, then looked at Skopio, who was now snoring. He fidgeted. Then he took off after the group, shouting “Wait for me!”
The ghost town seemed to stretch in front of them for miles. Above them, the gathering storm seemed to grow worse as thunder rumbled. Jalina looked up, concerned.
“If we don’t find Zaktan before that storm hits, we’ll have to go into the buildings until it passes. I don’t need anyone hit with any more lightning.” she said. She looked ahead of them. “Now, it’s possible that Zaktan managed to steer himself into one of the side streets to recover, so we’ll need to split up in order to check them all.”
“Seriously? Splitting up in the creepy ghost town?” Hakann said. “NOW who’s the stupid one?”
Jalina turned to look at Hakann with a serious face. “We don’t have a choice, Hakann. Zaktan may need our help.” She looked at the rest of the group. “Split up as you like and start looking, and be sure not to miss any alleys. And if I hear a single toa or piraka yell ‘Zoinks!’ I WILL track you down and slap you. Got it?” A chorus of ‘yes’ and ‘got it’ sounded from the group. “Alright then.” Jalina said. “Matoro, Numi, you’re with me. Everyone else, meet in front of the sheriff’s office in fifteen minutes.”
The group split up, small trios and duos wandering down the side streets shouting Zaktan’s name. In one alley, Reidak and Vezok shouted loudly, but all they heard were echoes of their own cries. In another, Hakann and Jaller inspected the back of a restaurant.
“Maybe he hid in a trash can or something?” Hakann mused, looking at an old barrel.
“Come on, what would Zaktan be doing with a trash can?” Jaller asked. “Let’s keep looking.
As time went on, groups began to bump into each other as they checked all the alleys in the town. Jalina, Matoro and Numi bumped into Hahli, Avak and Nuparu.
“Why are there so many alleys and side streets in this town?” Hahli asked, leaning against a wall.
“Indeed. It seems to go on forever.” Matoro said, looking around.
“Wait...” Numi said. “Wasn’t Kongu with you guys when we split up?”
“He is with us! ...Isn’t he?” Nuparu said, looking around. But the toa of air was gone, just as Zaktan was.
“This is getting really creepy...” Avak said. “Let’s just cut our loses and...”
“No Way!” Nuparu exclaimed. “They’re our friends, and we won’t abandon them. He probably just got lost around a corner or something, that’s all.” He tried to assure himself. The two groups split up again and continued looking, but the ominousness of the town began to weigh on their minds. And one by one, more members of the group seemed to disappear in the labyrinth that the town had seemed to become.
“Any sign of either of them?” Jalina asked Matoro a few minutes later. The old, creaking buildings seemed to loom above them, many stories tall.
“Not a footprint.” Matoro replied. “What about you, Numi?” He asked, turning. Numi was gone.
“This is really bad.” Jalina said. Understatement of the year, Matoro thought.
“Let’s get back to the center of town.” Matoro said. Before Jalina could reply, He took off, rounding the corners with amazing speed. Numerous twists and turns later, he found himself standing in the center of the main street ghost town. “We made it, Jalina.” Matoro said, turning around. Jalina was nowhere to be seen.
“That’s not good.” Matoro said to himself. He slowly turned, taking in his surroundings. The wind whistled, sending dust flying in small eddies. Above him, the storm broke, rain pouring down and thunder shaking the ground. Matoro turned and froze as he saw a tall figure standing further down the street, his black cloak waving in the strong wind.
“Your friends have all been captured.” The figure said, with a deep voice. “Surrender, or face the consequences.”
“I’ll take my chances, if you don’t mind.” Matoro said, pulling out his sword and setting it alight. With a quick swipe, the glowing blade created a large field of ice between Matoro and his aggressor, preventing the mysterious figure from attacking. The rain above temporarily turned to sleet and pounded on their heads.
“Foolish toa. Do you think that can stop me?” the figure said. He began hurling bolts of black energy at Matoro, who evaded them all with ease. However, his maneuvers placed him underneath a large, heavy sign that creaked in the wind and threatened to topple.
“And now, prepare to meet your end.” The dark figure said, flinging a final bolt of dark energy. However, the blast was not aimed at Matoro but at the sign above him. The beam holding the sign splintered and collapsed, sending the sign hurtling toward the ground. Matoro looked up to see the sign falling straight for him. A second later, he felt something slam into him, sending him to the ground. On the ground, Matoro shook his head, the lifted it slightly. “Wha...?”
“Matoro, don’t run so fast next time.” Jalina panted, pulling herself off of him. “My legs aren’t near as long as yours.” The sign lay in pieces just beyond the tips of Jalina’s brown shoes. “Although it’s a good thing I ran into you. That sign would have knocked you out cold.”
Both toa and human stood, and faced the dark figure. By then, all the ice had melted in the rain and humidity, leaving a copious layer of mud on the ground.
“HEY!” Numi shouted, skidding out of an alley behind them. “There you are! I lost you two a while back.” She stopped short next to Jalina, nearly falling over her own feet. “So who’s tall, dark, and creepy over there?”
“Someone who is about to get soundly trounced.” Matoro said, picking up his blade, while Jalina pulled out a slim rapier from nowhere. Both then looked expectingly at Numi.
“What? I don’t have a weapon!” Numi stammered. “She didn’t give me one.” She said, gesturing to Jalina.
“What? You didn’t put it on your GS form!” Jalina replied, shocked. “But that can wait until we get rid of...” Jalina turned and saw that the dark figure had disappeared while they were arguing. “...him?” There weren’t even footprints to mark his passage. Around them, the town suddenly seemed to shrink, entire portions disappearing entirely.
“I bet he made the town seem bigger so that it was easier to split us up and confuse us.” Jalina said. Sure enough the town returned to its normal size, and their friends began to appear around corners, or even father out into the desert than the town really went.
“But where did he go? And who was he?” Numi asked.
“Trouble.” Was all Matoro said.
After several minutes, the entire group (Minus Zaktan) was reunited. They then retreated into the general store until the storm passed. They sat for a while and watched the lightning in the distance.
“So, can we leave now? This ghost town is really freaking me out.” Hahli asked.
“I agree. Skopio should be cooled down by now because of the storm. We can meet Axonn and Berix by the freeway exit.” Jalina said. After returning to Skopio outside of town, (Skopio himself having crawled under a tree to escape the storm) They found that he had indeed cooled down enough to resume travel.
“You know,” Kongu said, as they drove away. “This chapter wasn’t very funny at all.”
“I had to advance the plot. We’ll try to be more funny next chapter.”
“Soo....” The voice hissed again. “You managed to not only reveal yourself...but blatantly lie about having captured the toa.... You are a failure.” The minion trembled in the center of the room, unsure of where the voice was coming from.
“but..but...I learned that they have gained some companions...and that they are not as strong as they appear...it will be easier to defeat them next time...”
“Who said there was a next time? The voice hissed. There was a flash, and the minion was gone as he was swallowed up by a hole in the floor.
“Soooonn...” The voice whispered. “I will have my victory.... And they will all fall...forever.”
Aprox. 2,265 words.
Edited by Jalina T.T., Jul 24 2012 - 11:15 PM.
Posted Oct 30 2012 - 02:17 PM
“Hey Jalina, We’re going to have a funny chapter this time, right?” Nuparu asked as Skopio sped along the highway.
“I’ll try.” Was all Jalina said, keeping an eye on the road. In the backseat, Avak and Hewkii were leading a winner-take-all rock paper scissors tournament. Kongu, thanks to his mask of telepathy, was winning easily. Behind them, Numi and Axonn rode on their Star Wars-style speeder. Berix found himself duct-taped to the end of the speeder, unable to move an inch. The duct tape was courtesy of Jalina, of course.
“Are we there yet?” Kongu asked, as he defeated Matoro with a rock to scissors.
“I’m Not sure. Where is ‘here’?” Jalina asked. Everyone on the skopio froze.
“WE DON’T KNOW WHERE WE’RE GOING!?!?!?” Zaktan screamed from the backseat.
“No, we know where we’re going. We just don’t know what we’re doing.” Jalina said. ‘ohs’ and ‘ahs’ of understanding resonated from the back of the vehicle. “I know that there’s a rodeo going on in Billings, Montana. I thought we could stop there, take a break from the road, and watch for a little bit.”
“As long as I don’t end up riding a bull again, I’m fine with it.” Reidak said. Jalina laughed. On the last road trip the group had taken, Reidak had found himself an impromptu participant in a rodeo in New Mexico. Jalina and her brother Kapurkar ended up saving him from the bull with horses, rope, and ingenuity.
“That bull was quite a bully, wasn’t he?” Vezok teased Reidak, poking him in the ribs. His teasing got him a punch in the face and a sore nose. It got Reidak a busied ego and a sore hand. Everyone else on the Skopio laughed as they passed a sign next to the road that said “Welcome to Billings, Montana!”
“I’ll go see if there are still tickets available. You guys start looking for seats for all of us.” Jalina said later that night when they had finally found parking for a skopio and a speeder. Unfortunately, they couldn’t get in until they had the tickets, so the group had to wait until Jalina managed to purchase tickets for the whole group. The rodeo was just gearing up in the arena as group started muttering and scanning the packed stadium stands for seats. Eventually they found a large group of empty seats at the very end of the stands, and there were still some left over as they all sat down.
“And Now, the meanest, leanest, toughest, Toa in the rodeo, KAPURKAR!” The announcer exclaimed over the PA system as a Tall toa with white and blue armor and a brown Kakama appeared on the big screen at one end of the arena, perched on a kikinalo in the holding pen.
“Hey Jalina, isn’t that your brother?” Hahli asked, squinting at the rider down in the pen.
“Yea. I didn’t know they let toa participate in the rodeo.” Jalina said, leaning back into her seat and pulling out her DS.
“Well, they had lean right. Is your brother really that tall?” Numi asked.
“Yes, and he’s still growing.” Jalina replied, not even glancing down.
At the sound of the horn, the Kikinalo was set loose into the arena. He went crazy, bucking all over the ring, trying to knock his rider off. However, Kapurkar was used to riding wild animals, and held on with ease. In fact, he was so at ease that he was cracking jokes while hanging on with one hand.
“How many Makuta does it take to change a Lightstone?” Kapurkar asked his steed. At this, the Kikinalo paused his rampage and considered the question. “I don’t know. How many?” the Kikinalo finally replied.
“Well, considering how bad they’re afraid of the light, ALL OF THEM!” Kapurkar roared. The Kikinalo rolled his eyes, and, with a mighty whip, sent Kapurkar flying out of the saddle and into the stands. He landed, to no one’s surprise, upside-down in the empty seat next to Jalina, who didn’t even look up from her game.
“You had to tell the lightstone joke, didn’t you?” Jalina asked, focused on her game and not even glancing at her brother. The only reply from the battered toa was a weak “yesss...”
“Hey guys, I’m going to get a hot dog.” Reidak said, standing up and moving down the isle as the wranglers attempted to round up the kikinalo. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“All right. Just be sure to be back in time to watch the next bull-riding contestant.” Jaller said as they watched the rodeo clowns lure the kikinalo to the gate at one end of the ring. Several minutes and several riders later, though, Reidak had still not returned.
“It’s taking him an awful long time to get that hot dog.” Matoro remarked as the PA announced the next rider. Before anyone could reply, the next bull-rider was let loose into the ring.
“Hey, isn’t that Reidak?” Jaller asked. Everyone leaned forward with interest. “I thought he said he didn’t want to do that again.”
“So did I.” Axonn said. They all watched with surprise as Reidak handled the bull with amazing skill, a far cry from his unwilling attempt last year. Minutes later, Reidak led the bull out of the ring, the bull pawing the ground meekly behind him.
“I didn’t know Reidak could ride.” Nuparu stated as Reidak vanished from the arena.
“I can ride what?” Reidak asked, appearing at Nuparu’s side. Nuparu jumped out of his seat. “Where did you come from!?” He yelled.
“I was getting a hot dog, remember?” Reidak said, holding up his prized snack.
“But you were just riding a bull in the rodeo ring!” Thok exclaimed in disbelief.
“You must have been seeing things. I have no desire to go near another bull.” Reidak said, looking down. “HEY! WHERE’S MY HOT DOG?!” He yelled. Behind him, Berix, who had been using a napkin to wipe a tidbit of mustard of his face, began to scoot down the aisle. He didn’t get very far before Numi caught him.
“Hey, they’re announcing the finalists for Bull-Riding,” Zaktan said. Everyone listened, and stared in shock when Reidak’s name was announced.
“But..But.. I Wasn’t riding!” Reidak said. “I was getting a hot dog! That I never got to eat! I’m going to go get another one.” He said, standing up again.
“I’ll go with you.” Thok said. “I’m starting to get kind of hungry too.” He added, standing up and following Reidak down the aisle.
“I bet he’s tailing Reidak to see whether he’s lying or not.” Kapurkar said, righting himself in his seat.
“I don’t think it’s Reidak. He’s almost as scared of Bulls as Hewkii is of apples.” Jalina said. Behind her, Hewkii glanced around in shock and cowered a little lower in his seat.
“But, if he really was getting a hot dog, then who was riding out there?”
Over by the hot dog stand, Reidak and Thok looked at all the fancy rodeo equipment for sale by a vendor. “those belt buckles are really cool.” Reidak said. Thok nodded in agreement.
“HEY REIDAK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING READY FOR YOUR COMPETITION!” A nearby cowboy said, snagging Reidak’s arm and dragging toward the bull pens, leaving Thok standing by the vendor in shock. Before Reidak could do anything or squeak out a word, he found himself with a cowboy hat on the back of a bull trembling with rage.
“Deja-vu.” Reidak whimpered. A horn sounded, and the bull was released into the arena, with Reidak hanging on for dear life. Meanwhile, Thok had raced back to everyone else in the stands.
“Reidak’s riding in the next competition!” Thok said, out of breath as he sat down. Or rather, fell face-first into the aisle “Who really sticks old gum under these seats?” He wondered.
“But... They’re releasing TWO riders into the ring?!” Kapurkar said, staring at the ring in shock. “They don’t do that!”
But they had. Somewhere along the line, a command, order, or listing had not been followed correctly, resulting in an amusing coincidence. somehow Reidak found himself riding a bull in the ring with... ANOTHER Reidak riding a bull.
“Now I’m seeing things. Please tell me that there aren’t two Reidaks in there.” Numi muttered, holding her head in her hands.
“Okay. There aren’t two Reidaks in there.” Berix chirped. The entire group watched in shock as the two Reidaks rode rampaging bulls in the ring. Soon, however, Bugs-Bunny type mayhem erupted, with the bulls riding the Reidaks, Reidak riding Reidak, the bulls riding each other, and all four chasing each other around the ring with large wooden mallets.
“Okay, it’s time to get this over with.” Jalina said, racing down the stands to a horse that was conveniently saddled and tied up by the gate. Since all the wranglers and rodeo clowns were struck dumb with the incredulous event taking place, she had to take on the challenge herself. With one smooth move, she mounted the horse and rode into the ring. Circling the Reidaks, who were both running frantically from the bulls by this time, she herded them into a holding pen off the arena proper. She dismounted the horse, ran back out, then reached down and pulled a cord that closed the gate behind them, leaving the bulls to crash into the gate. Dismounting, Jalina led the two Reidaks over away from the ring, near the gate around the entire arena. By then, the rest of the group had raced down from the stands and joined them in one of the back pens.
“Oh great, not HIM again.” Jaller muttered as the two Reidaks turned to face each other.
“Clarification, please?” Numi asked, confused.
“Alright. A few years ago, when I wrote the original Road Trip, there was a Reidak that bounced around the different comedies, causing trouble. It was a fad, of sorts. It was considered good for him to appear in a comedy, though I’m not exactly sure why. He appeared in Road Trip when we were at the beach. I don’t recall how he disappeared, though.” Jalina explained. “And I’m not sure how or why he showed up this time. I’m guessing he just hung around here, and happened to be here when we arrived.”
“Well, now that this is all sorted out, can we go get dinner? I never got my hot dog.” Reidak said. The rest of the group began walking away, leaving the other Reidak behind in the pen. Numi hung back at the back of the group with Jalina.
“Admit it, girl. You just wanted to get that fad started again.” Numi said, playfully punching Jalina in the shoulder.
“Can’t an old writer have a little fun?” Jalina asked, laughing and waving her hand over her shoulder. Behind them, the other Reidak faded away into the darkness.
“So what’s for dinner?” Numi asked, hungry.
“I was thinking Pizza Hut.” Jalina said.
“That sounds good to me. RACE YA!” Numi laughed and ran ahead. Jalina shook her head and slowly followed. Friends could be so silly, sometimes.
“How could she?” the voice hissed in the blackness. “She did not bring that Reidak into this comedy... I am sure of it. But no matter. It will not be a problem soon... This comedy and its characters will soon be lost...to me.”
Posted Nov 01 2012 - 07:23 PM
Road Trip 2!
“Alright guys, try to behave this time.” Jalina said as she opened the door for everyone to walk inside the restaurant. Kapurkar muttered something about meeting a friend and remained outside in the parking lot. Inside, the employees shuffled tables and chairs until everyone was seated at two long rows of tables in the middle of the dining area. Jalina perused the menu while the others quietly joked and talked.
“Pepper eating contest!” Hakann called out suddenly. “Whoever can eat the most black pepper without taking a drink gets a free ice cream later!” the others cheered. A few minutes later, Hakkan, Kongu, Zaktan, Axonn, Jaller, Vezok, and Hewkii were lined up along one side of the table. Avak placed three pepper shakers along the middle of the table, as he and Nuparu, along with Hahli, Berix, Thok, Matoro and Reidak, sat down on the other side. At that moment, Kapurkar and his friend Tahu (The Stars version) came in. Tahu, not wanting to miss a chance to show off his skills, joined the contest. Kapurkar sat down next to Reidak. At the other table, Jalina sighed and continued comparing pizzas on the menu.
“On your Marks, get set...” Numi said, as everyone seated shifted themselves in their chairs. “GO!”
Immediately, the eight contestants began shoveling pepper into their mouths. Hewkii fell out of the competition almost immediately, knocking over Jaller’s water in an attempt to grab his own. Hahli quickly refilled both, with a wave of her hand, and marked Hewkii’s time on a napkin she had handy. No one noticed Jalina oder enough pizza for 17 hungry biomechanical beings. On it went, as more black pepper vanished, and others began dropping out. Soon only Zaktan and Tahu were left in the competition. The tension mounted. The Tension then rode its horse back to the rodeo as the two continued to shove pepper into their mouths. The others began to lean forward in their chairs, excited. Spectators from other tables came, eager to watch the competition. The pressure was on. Then the unexpected happened.
They ran out of pepper.
Tahu panted as his mouth grew hotter and hotter while Reidak ran to another table to get more pepper shakers. Zaktan, meanwhile, was having trouble preventing a sneeze. Finally, unable to stand the wait, he took a large breath and exhaled, shooting a large stream of fire that cooked the pizzas that still waiting in the kitchen, and scorched Thok’s face in the meantime. He then scrabbled for the water cup in front of him and took several large gulps of water.
“Zaktan is the winner!” Kapurkar yelled. Zaktan bowed to the scattered applause, then, unable to contain it, let out a huge sneeze.
“HE’S GONE!” Tahu screamed, falling out of his chair. Indeed, Zaktan had seemly vanished into thin air as he sneezed.
“That sneeze must have scattered his protodites.” Matoro observed. A couple minutes later, small green clouds began to reform as Zaktan pulled himself together. By then, the plethora of pizzas had arrived.
“Yay! There’s cheese in the crust!” Numi cheered as they all dug in. The rest of the night passed without incident, unless you count Berix trying to sneak Axonn’s last piece of pizza onto his own plate. That didn’t end well.
The next day, the motley group left their hotel and crossed the state border into South Dakota. The sun was shining and the wind was blowing, which did not bode well for Zaktan, who was still having a hard time keeping himself together. Eventually, Hakann shoved him in a backpack to keep him from dissipating entirely.
“Are we there yet?” Kapurkar called from his kikinalo behind the main group.
“Almost!” Jalina called from the front of Skopio. “We’re going to stop at Mount Rushmore for a quick break!” Cheers went up from all around.
Half an hour later, Skopio, Numi’s speeder bike, and Kapurkar’s kikinalo pulled into the Mount Rushmore national monument parking lot. The group disembarked from their vehicles while Skopio and the kikinalo settled down in the shade of a large tree.
“Hey look! The Gift Shop’s open!” Vezok called when they finally got to the end of the parking lot. “let’s go inside!” he said, walking through the door. Literally.
“ARRGGGHHH!!!” Vezok screamed as broken glass rained down on his head. Jalina took one look at the door and groaned. Yet another broken object to pay for. As Jalina opened the other door to go inside and pay for the broken one, the rest of the group followed her inside and spread out through the museum and gift shop. A few members of the group went out to walk on the trails. Numi and Berix walked over to the low concrete wall near the beginning of the trails.
“Um, I’m just going to go...” Berix stuttered, trying to slide away from Numi and toward the trails. He did not get far before Numi grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him away from the start of the trail. “Nice try, shorty.” she said, picking him up and walking away from the trails.
“I’ve been with you too long to not think you’re up to something.” Numi said, setting Berix down on a bench. “Knowing you, you’re probably going to carve your face on Mount Rushmore or something. Well, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I’m keeping my eye on you, Berix, and if I see you doing anything funny, anything suspicious at all, you’re going to get it!”
“Get what?” Jalina asked as she walked over from the gift shop to Numi and Berix. “By the way, I finally got that door problem straightened out.”
“Oh, Berix is just trying to sneak off and cause trouble again.” Numi said, glaring at Berix, who cowered on the bench.
“Really? Well, I’ve found that threatening to take away something they like really works to keep kids and annoying piraka in line.” Jalina said. “Most of the time,” She muttered to herself.
“Thanks for the tip.” Numi said, glancing up. She looked back down at the cowering blue figure. “Berix, If I catch you doing ANYTHING you’re not supposed to, I’m going to take away your TV privileges. No Phineas and Ferb for a month.”
“NOOOOOO!!” Berix screamed, falling off the bench and onto his knees. “ANYTHING but that! Please! I’ll be good! I Promise! PLEASE DON’T! PLEASE!” He begged, his eyes beginning to screw up with tears. Numi rolled her eyes. “All right, get up. You can go off now. But Remember, If I see anything...” Numi left her sentence hanging, the threat lingering. Jalina knew that Numi would follow through with that threat, if provoked.
“All right, I’m glad to see you two have worked it out,” Jalina said, beginning to turn around. “I’m going to make sure no one else is getting into trouble.” She finished, going back into the museum. Berix leapt to his feet and walked quickly down the nearest trail, whistling. Numi watched him go with a glare, shrugged, and turned to look at Mount Rushmore some more.
Later, Jalina and Numi were looking through a stack of postcards in the gift shop when Hahli walked up to them.
“Have you seen Mount Rushmore recently?” Hahli asked, picking up a postcard with mild interest.
“I’ve already seen it.” Jalina said, setting another card back on the rack. “Family trip.”
“It’s really amazing, though. I didn’t know one of the presidents wore a great Kadin!” Hahli said, her eyes shining with delight.
“I TOLD Berix that if I caught him doing...” Numi began to growl, then paused. “Did you say, ‘Great Kadin?’” Numi asked.
“Yeah. There were four human heads and a Kadin. there was also something that looked like a Skakdi face, but I couldn’t tell.” Hahli said, confused. “Those are part of Mount Rushmore, right?”
“Not before now, and not for long.” Jalina said, marching outside.
“I think someone’s calling us.” Nuparu said, standing on top of Mount Rushmore with a pickaxe and some dynamite.
“It sounds like Jalina.” Avak said, listening intently to the faint voice.
“Do you think she likes our work?” Nuparu asked. “It is pretty impressive, after all. And all in an hour!”
“No, I don’t think she likes it.” Avak replied. “In fact, she sounds really angry. And she’s starting up the trail with a large hammer...” Avak said, his sentence dwindling. “How does a race to see who can get out of here the fastest sound?”
“I’ve never heard a more beautiful idea.” Nuparu said, already running from the cliff face.
“And you thought I was going to do something!” Berix gloated later from the back of the speeder as the group drove away from Mount Rushmore, now restored to its original state.
“That’s because you almost always do it.” Numi muttered. Ahead of her, She could see Jalina driving their Skopio down the highway. In the back, she could see two heavily bandaged figures that vaguely resembled Nuparu and Avak. “Too bad those two had to fall halfway down the cliff while they were running. And that was before Jalina got to them.”
“But they’ve learned their lesson, right?” Berix asked, gleefully.
“For now. But I would be surprised if they didn’t try anything again. They’re like you.” Axonn said. “Stubborn and always getting into some sort of trouble.”
“Why thank... HEY!” Berix said as Numi laughed. Ahead of them, the sun set as the group continued to drive down the highway stretching into the distance. It was the perfect time for a road trip with friends.
“She’s becoming more... Powerful.” The voice hissed. “She’s resisting my pull...determined...and stubborn.” It continued. “But no matter. Before long, she will forget those toa.. The Piraka...Her guest stars...the comedy.” Somewhere in the dark chamber, a large figure stood, dominating the dark room. “She will forget, and I will rule them all.”
Posted Nov 01 2012 - 09:54 PM
Posted Nov 02 2012 - 11:52 PM
A couple nitpicks in the last chapter:
A few members of the group went out to walk on the trails. Numi and Berix walked over to the low concrete wall near the beginning of the trails.
Trails is redundant. Probably better just to ax the first sentence, or put it as "A few members of the group went to out to walk around."
No one noticed Jalina oder enough pizza for 17 hungry biomechanical beings.
Anyway, it's good reading. Although that scene with Avak and Nuparu at Mt. Rushmore could have been more intense. It seems that nobody is really noticing the Bionicle characters in the world around them, which is somewhat odd. That's a mystery...you can use that.
So good job, and I welcome more chapters from you.
Edited by fishers64, Nov 04 2012 - 01:58 AM.
Posted Nov 03 2012 - 07:08 AM
Posted Nov 05 2012 - 11:25 AM
Okay, now time for...
Road Trip 2!
“Mornin’ J.” Hahli yawned as she stepped out onto the walkway of the motel. Jalina was leaning against the rail, cradling a cup of hot chocolate. In front of them, the sun was just beginning to rise, painting light, pastel oranges and pinks across the South Dakota landscape.
“Good morning.” Jalina replied, taking a sip of hot chocolate. “Did you get a good night’s sleep last night?”
“Not really.” Hahli admitted. “I had this really weird dream...”
“Really? What was it about?” Jalina asked, turning to look at Hahli.
“It’s hard to remember,” Hahli said, leaning on the rail next to Jalina. “But I think that I was in a dark cavern...dank and damp, with no lightstones or light bulbs anywhere... And I couldn’t move... There was something holding me back... And I heard this voice...quiet, raspy...saying something about a stories’ downfall...” She continued, gazing out over the parking lot. “Do you think it could mean anything?”
“It probably means we need to keep Berix away from Matoro’s books or something.” Jalina said, straightening up. “Don’t worry about it, it’s probably nothing at all.” Jalina looked down the walkway. “Why don’t you get some breakfast? I’ve already eaten, and I fed Skopio. This motel has really good waffles.” She said, pointing to the stairs. Hahli silently nodded and headed down, suddenly feeling much better. Jalina always could rationalize a person’s fears.
Jalina turned back to the rail. The sunrise was in full bloom, and a slight breeze was blowing, sending an occasional tumbleweed rolling by. Jalina sighed. If only her own fears could just as easily be dismissed as a bad dream...
A sudden banging sound caught Jalina’s attention, and she turned to see a tall young man step out of a motel room with a cloud of smoke several doors down. Taking a closer look, she could tell that she was not the only one with a hard-to-handle traveling group. The young man was covered in dust and one of his shirtsleeves was on fire. He turned around and called something back into the room, then walked down the walkway until he reached Jalina.
“Mornin’” Jalina said calmly. “rough night?”
“Yeah,” the boy said, leaning on the rail next to Jalina. “I’ve got a Vortixx, a Matoran, and a Makuta that aren’t getting along very well right now. I’m Doctor Bob, by the way.” He said, extending his hand. Jalina shook it, introduced herself, then returned to her hot chocolate.
“I’ve heard of your epics,” she said, stirring the cocoa. “I’ve never gotten a chance to read them though. I’ve been taking a road trip with six Piraka, nine toa, a titan, and an agori that can’t keep his hands out of trouble.” Jalina continued. “what brings you out here to South Dakota?”
“I’m trying to get these guys to cooperate a little better.” Doctor Bob said. “I figured a road trip would do them some good and encourage each other to get along. But It seems as if we’ve wandered into a comedy instead.”
“Why don’t you join us?” Jalina asked. “We won’t notice a few more friends along.”
“That would be great.” Doctor Bob said. “We could use someone who knows their way around a comedy.”
“I should probably warn you, though,” Jalina said. “Since you guys are from an epic, you won’t know how to deal with what you may come across here. Comedies are full of the strange and unexpected.” At that moment, the room door Next to Jalina’s burst open, smoke billowed, and Berix scrambled out, followed closely by Numi, who was covered in scrambled eggs and ash.
“BERIX!” Numi screeched, chasing him down the walkway. “I TOLD YOU to warm the eggs up in the microwave! NOT BLOW UP THE MICROWAVE!” Doctor Bob and Jalina watched as the purple and green toa chased Berix down the stairs and out of sight.
“Of course, it’s more ‘strange’ than ‘unexpected’” Jalina said mildly, returning to her cocoa as Doctor Bob looked on in shock. “But You’ll get used to it.”
“Is everyone ready to go?” Jalina asked later that morning as everyone began loading up for another day of travel. Numi gave a thumbs up from her speeder, with Berix freshly duct-taped to the back again. Kapurkar and Tahu waved from on top of their kikinalo, and Doctor Bob was loading the three of his companions onto a Thornatus. After a little shuffling of luggage, the group checked out of the motel (and paid the fees for the smoke damage) and took off down the highway. Jaller plugged his iPod into the player strapped to the side of his seat, and music began to blare out of hidden speakers.
Let’s Pack up and move to California,
She's got lots of friends out there.
We'll never get board ‘cause we can go boarding
Let's let the sunshine take us there!
“Oh come on, Jaller!” Hakann complained from the backseat. “You ALWAYS play that song! Can't you play something different for once?”
“I’m trying!” Jaller said, punching buttons on the iPod. “But it’s not working!”
“Then try harder!” Hakann roared, shooting a magma ball into the air. The others watched as the ball flew over their heads and onto the highway out of sight. In the distance, they could see the lava ball land. Seconds later, they heard a distant BOOM.
“I hope we didn’t break anything important.” Vezok said as they all watched in shock.
“Knowing you people, we probably did.” Jalina said as she kept on hand on the skopio controls while she use the other to shade her eyes. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now,” Jalina continued, glaring at Hakann. “we’ll keep our weapons to ourselves, won’t we?” Hakann shrunk down in his seat, embarrassed. “And Jaller,” Jalina said, turning her eyes back to the road. “You forgot to unlock the iPod. slip the silver switch on top to unlock it.”
“Oh.” Jaller said, leaning forward to correct his mistake. “I knew I was forgetting something.
Half an hour later, the group found the “results” of Hakann’s loss of temper. A large mass of half-melted bicycle lay next to the road, with a blond teenager with pink sunglasses standing next to it, trying to hitch a ride. Jalina pulled Skopio over to the side of the road and jumped down, walking over to the girl.
“Hi, do you need a ride?” Jalina asked. The girl looked at her and smiled. “Yes. You won’t believe this. A giant ball of magma came out of nowhere and destroyed my bike! I was able to jump off before it hit me, though.” The girl said. “I’m Helen. It’s nice to meet you.”
“I’m Jalina,” Jalina replied, introducing herself. “And Yes, I believe you. In fact, I even know what destroyed your bike.” She continued, gesturing to the large red piraka on Skopio. “One of my traveling companions had a bit of a temper flare. And he doesn’t always connect keeping his temper down and not using his weapon during temper flares.” Jalina explained. “So do you need a llift?”
“I would LOVE one!” Helen exclaimed. “I was headed to Boston, but It doesn’t look like you have any more room on your Skopio.”
“Not a problem.” Jalina said. “You can ride with Kapurkar and Tahu on their kikinalo for now. I’m sure they have room.” She walked over to Kapurkar and talked with him for a couple of minutes then returned. “He can give you a ride. And I’ll pack your bike into Nuparu’s suitcase. He’s practically turned it into a TARDIS when it comes to storage space. He can fit it in there for you. I’ll find someone to fix it when we stop tonight.” She continued. After giving Helen a boost onto Kapurkar’s Kikinalo, she jumped back up onto Skopio and lead the troop down the highway again.
Later that day, The group stopped at a gas station for fuel, bathroom breaks, and snacks. As Jalina pulled the door open so that Hewkii and Thok could back out with several large bags of Ding-Dongs, (including their own ‘Ding-Dongs’ that had tried to mess with the slushy machine) She bumped into a young man standing just behind her. Surprised, she jumped and turned around, almost accidentally letting the door slam on Hewkii’s foot.
“I’m sorry.” Jalina apologized. “I didn’t see you behind me.” Behind her, Hewkii, Thok, and Nuparu tried to get through the door at the same time, and got stuck
“It's no problem.” The young man said. “I’m X-ray.”
“Jalina” Jalina said, introducing herself for the third time that day. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too.” X-ray said. “Do you, by any chance, happen to know how to get to New York? Kopaka isn’t as good with a map as he says he is, and my girlfriend’s been insisting we stop and ask for directions for the last two hours.”
“Sure.” Jalina said. “We’re heading that way, in fact Would you like to join us?”
“It would be a pleasure.” X-ray said. “Kopaka and I-Ray, my girlfriend, are waiting out side. We’ve been driving a Tahtorak, and we have a little room to spare, if necessary. We were going to meet a friend of mine and his wife, but I got a call saying he got on the wrong bus, and can’t meet us.”
“It’s just as well.” Jalina said as she led the way back out to the parking lot, ignoring her companions as they tried to get unstuck from the door. “If this keeps up I’ll never be able to keep track of everyone.”
“Hey Jalina?” Kongu asked as the group drove away from the gas station a few minutes later.
“Did you realize that this is chapter eight, and we picked up eight more guest stars?” Kongu asked. “Do you think that it’s a coincidence.”
“Yes, I think it’s a coincidence, Kongu.” Jalina said. No one notice the small, dark figure that watched them leave, then disappeared behind the store.
“Still more companions?” the Dark figure asked. “She is growing bolder. But she will not be able to control them all at once. Her hold on the comedy will falter. She will lose her will... So many old, crusty BIONICLE characters and guest stars will drive her to look for fresh life...and she will join us instead.” The figure pressed a button on a hidden panel and a large glowing display came out of the wall. “Biomechanical beings are things of the past. She must learn to embrace the robots of the future...or be lost to the darkness.”
Posted Nov 06 2012 - 04:34 AM
Spelling and Grammar:
Maybe you should add a conjunction instead of a comma, like 'that' for an example. Also, you should change the position of 'so' and 'was'.
It so was unbelievable and shocking, all she could do was stare.
Should you have capital letters for 'gleaming' and 'spit'?
It was sparkling, Gleaming, your-neat-freak-grandma-is-coming-to-visit, Spit and polish clean.
I don't think you should start a sentence with 'and'.
And Matoro was laid back on another couch, reading a book.
Capital letter for 'then'.
Zaktan shouted from under Avak’s foot. “then she wouldn’t have known
Bolded are the corrections.
“It’s water under the bridge, guys. Let it go,” Matoro said, closing his book and sitting up on the couch. “So, Jalina, you do realize that it’s summer, and, except for one or two minor exceptions,” Matoro continued, glaring at the others, “we’ve been pretty good. so what do you say to a road trip again this year?”
Capital letter for 'remember'.
“I don’t know...” Jalina replied. “remember the last time we took a road trip?”
Firstly, spacing required between the two pieces of dialogue. Secondly, needs period after 'responded'. Thirdly, 'you' has to possess a capital 'y'.
“No.” Hewkii responded
“You wouldn’t.” Jaller muttered. “you were obsessed with apples most of the time.”
Those were merely some examples of the spelling and grammar errors that I found in the five chapters that I was assigned to review, for listing all of them would be too time-consuming. However, most of your errors are rather minor, and probably there due to lack of attention. They can be easily fixed by re-reading your chapters again in search for errors, so other than the small mistakes made, there aren't too many problems with the spelling and grammar.
I'd rate this category 85%
Well, most of your humour can be found in the conversations between your characters, which don't seem rather forced - a positive trait to your comedy in my opinion. Most of your gags are amusing, and provide a good chuckle at times. I do recommend that you add a bit more humour into the comedy, because it needs a bit more jokes and the like, as right now it's mostly random conversation.
I'd rate it 80%
Upon first reading, one assumes the plot to be a simple journey around Amerika in order to engage in amusing activities, with no real over-connecting story. However, upon further reading, one finds out that you've placed some sort of dark conspiracy of doom in the background, which comes to the fore at times. It's pretty early to say how your plot will be going, although from reading chapters after what was assigned for me to review shows that they wish to recruit you, or more specifically, your self-insert/author avatar.
Greater fusion between the comedic plot and the overlaying conspiracy might be better in the long run, but you're doing a decent job with it right now.
I'd say ... 85%
Well, in general your comedy is off to a pretty stable and decent start. It doesn't require too much knowledge of the previous Road Trip to enjoy, allowing for new fans to come in and read. You've got pretty good spelling and grammar with the only mistakes probably being due to lack of attention, some solid humour, which can still be improved, along with a rather stable plot, which I suppose you have already worked out.
I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Average Rating: 83.3 ...%
Posted Apr 18 2013 - 01:16 PM
*Poke head in*
Road Trip 2
The sun shone brightly as the caravan of mismatched vehicles traveled down the highway. In front, a Skopio carrying six toa, six Piraka, and a teenager powered along with a steady rumble. Behind them, a Tahtorak carrying a toa and two human teenagers ran along, easily keeping pace. Third in line was a kikinalo carrying two toa and a Female teenager. Behind all three, a Star Wars style speeder carried a Toa, a Titan, and an agori. Bringing up the rear was a Thornatus with another Human teen, a Vortixx, a matoran, and a Makuta. It certainly was a rather interesting camadre of characters traveling down the road that day.
“Hey Jalina, Where are we stopping today?” Vezok asked from the backseat.
“I’m not sure yet. But we need to find somewhere where we can get Helen’s bike repaired. I still can’t believe you were able to fit it in your suitcase, Nuparu, along with a Jacuzzi and a trampoline. AND the kitchen sink. Did you really have to bring that?” Jalina asked from her drivers seat on Skopio.
“Trade secret.” Nuparu said, “But I will tell you it involves string, a Kanohi Olmak, and a LOT of spare time. And yes, I had to bring the sink.”
“...I won’t even ask.” Jalina said, turning her attention back to the road. “We just crossed in to Minnesota. I think there’s a town on the other side of the mountain we can stop at.” She continued. A beeping noise came from the radio. “Hey Jalina, How’s it going up there?”
“We’re doing good, Doctor Bob.” Jalina replied, pushing a button on the radio that allowed all five transports to communicate. “How about you guys?”
“Pretty well. Cybil and Marek are driving each other nuts again though. “Course, Vortixx and Matoran never got along very well in the first place. And Ihrax is completely ignoring them. Right now, though, we’re doing good.” Doctor Bob said over the radio.
“We’re not doing so good.” Numi reported over her radio. “Berix is trying to mess with the repulsor lifts again. He said something about adding a decent seat...”
“You don’t expect me to be duct-taped to this thing the entire time, do you?” Berix called over the radio.
“You will be if you keep it up, Berix!” Numi yelled. Jalina could hear grumbling over the radio. “Just let me tighten up this one screw...” She heard Berix say in the background. Seconds later, a high-pitched whine was heard over the radio before Jalina lost all sense of thought as Skopio suddenly roared and took off at an ever increasing speed. Behind her, she could faintly hear the Kikinalo and the Tahtorak give similar screams of pain before taking off not far behind.
“What’s happening!?” Matoro yelled over the piercing screams of pain from Skopio.
“I don’t know!” Jalina called back. “Just HANG ON!”
“That can’t be good.” Marek commented as they watched the three lead vehicles take off down the highway. They had passed into Minnesota and were up in the mountains when all three animal transports had released bestial yells and rumbled away at amazing speeds. Doctor Bob and Numi’s vehicles were falling behind as the others sped up the mountain, and were quickly out of sight.
“We’d better go catch up with them.” Doctor Bob said. He reached for the radio. “Numi, what do you say we go find our MIA friends?”
“Axonn! Grab Berix and hold him down!” He heard Numi screech. “We’re going to go FAST! HANG ON!”
Seconds later, both the Thornatus and the Speeder were blurs, racing to catch up with the others.
It was a beautiful, quiet day in forests of Minnesota. A quiet that was soon shattered by a rampaging Skopio crashing through the underbrush. Behind it, the screeches of a Kikinalo and a Tatorahk could be heard as they veered off in different directions, seeking escape from who-knew-what.
Skopio veered left and right, mindlessly running. Jalina dared to straighten up enough to try to see where they were going and to calm Skopio down. She had enough time to see a tree limb before it slammed into her and knocked her off Skopio, throwing her to the ground. All she could do was blearily watch from the forest floor as Skopio raced onward. Soon, she was alone in the dense brush. She could still faintly hear the screams of her friends as they tried to hang on as she passed out.
In another part of the woods, Kapurkar had finally managed to calm his Kikinalo down enough to dismount without killing himself and calm him the rest of the way. By that time, they were deep into the woods. Helen looked around uncertainly. The forest was eerily quiet, and she couldn’t hear any of the other mounts, or anyone for that matter. She looked down at Kapurkar, who was stroking the kikinalo’s nose gently.
“Any ideas?” She asked.
“Right now? Not really.” Kapurkar said. “I would say start looking for everyone else, but we would probably only get more lost.”
“How can we get any more lost than this?” Helen retorted, leaning around Tahu to see. Kapurkar only shrugged and turned back to tend to the kikinalo. all three of them froze when they heard a twig snap. Kapurkar turned and pulled out a large metal hammer. Tahu and Helen slid down next to him, Tahu pulling out his firesword, Helen a small white and red ball.
“Please tell me there’s a real Pokemon in that ball.” Tahu said.
“Sorry.” Helen replied. “It’s just a fake. I do some cosplay in my spare time.”
Before either of the others could do more than stare at her, however, the bushes near the edge of the clearing trembled. Swords were raised cautiously, ready for whatever might come out. All three approached the bush cautiously, then dove for cover when a large black figure came flying out and slammed headfirst into the kikinalo.
“NUPARU!” Kapurkar shouted, breathing a sigh of relief and sitting up from a pile of dead leaves. “You nearly gave me a heart attack! What were you doing in the bushes?”
“Hiding from rampaging animals.” Nuparu said, standing up and brushing himself off. The kikinalo was laying on its side, unconscious from the force of impact. “Zaktan and I got knocked off by a low-hanging branch as Skopio rampaged. So did Jalina, come to think of it, but we don’t know where she ended up.” He continued, gesturing to the bush as Zaktan slunk out, a little frazzled from the landing.
“Do you know where anyone else is? We need find them before it gets dark.” Helen said, straightening her coat. “And we should move fast, the sun’s already starting to set.”
“How did that happen?” Tahu said, looking up. “I could have sworn it was midday.”
“It is, I just said that to add dramatic tension.”
“Oh, you’re just going to be a bucket of laughs, I can tell.”
“Derivative conversation aside, we really should start looking for the others.” Kapurkar said. “Was anyone keeping track of how many of us there were? I lost count.”
“How are we supposed to look for them? Our Kikinalo isn’t very agile when it comes to the woods.” Tahu said, pointing back at the unconscious beast. “And it will take far too long to search on foot.”
“Hey! I bet Nuparu can fix Helen’s bike, and she can go look for the others!” Zaktan said. The others looked at him in surprise. “What? I don’t see you guys coming up with any bright ideas! Besides, the kikinalo’s out like a light.”
“There’s just one problem,” Kapurkar said. “Helen’s bike is in his suitcase, and it’s still on Skopio, who is currently rampaging through some other part of the forest!!”
“Actually...” Nuparu started, pulling his suitcase from behind his back. “I was able to snag it before I fell off.” With that, he opened the case and thrust an arm inside, rummaging around. A frown creased his mask, and he reached further, still digging. Finally, he threw his whole upper body inside, digging deep into the case. Curious, Tahu looked over his shoulder and into the case.
“DUDE! You’ve got a Jacuzzi in there!?” He asked incredulously.
“Yep. I’ve also got a kitchen sink, a iMac, A canoe, and a blue Police box. I’m not even really sure how that last one got in there.” Nuparu replied. “AH! Here it is!” He said, pulling out a mess of melted pink metal and black tire. “Don’t worry, I’ll have it fixed in a jiffy.” Nuparu said in response to Helen’s shocked face. He set the ruined bike down, pulled out a long tube that looked an awful lot like a sonic screwdriver, sat down, and began to work. Tahu, still looking at the case, slipped and fell in, leading to an adventure which will be chronicled another time.
“That was quite a ride.” Hewkii said, looking around. He, Matoro and Thok were stranded in yet another deserted clearing near the base of a large cliff. “We really should get under cover before it starts to rain or something.” He continued. Skopio and the others where nowhere to be seen, and the forest was eerily silent. As were his two companions.
“Of course, this would be a lot easier if you both weren’t knocked out cold.” Hewkii observed, dragging Thok over to a sheltered alcove in the cliff face. Matoro was already under cover. “But I guess I’ll have to live with it.” As soon as they were tucked away in the small cave, there was a crack of lightning, and rain began pouring down.
“Naturally.” Hewkii said, looking out at the rain. “Talk about your mood weather.”
“Do you guys feel like we’re being watched?” He asked. No one replied. “As in, some person reading this because the author wrote it in at eleven at night just explain what happened to the others? And that she’ll cut to a different character at a completely random time?”
“Yeah, I didn’t think so. That would be completely ridic-”
Jalina ran through the pounding rain, slipping in the mud it created. Although the forest around her was silent, she kept running. Her friends were lost. Skopio was scared and missing.
And something was after her.
Behind her, dark, cloaked shapes seemed to melt out of the trees, pursuing their fleeing quarry. In the lead was a tall, broad figure, followed by a smaller person, both in black cloaks. They ran faster and faster, gaining on the petite teenager slipping through the trees ahead of them.
Jalina almost didn’t see the cliff until it was too late. She skidded to a stop just in time, teetering on the edge for a second. She turned and found herself cornered by the cloaked figures. She inched a foot back, then fell when the ground broke away from beneath her. She scrabbled for a handhold, finally snagging a large rock that was rooted into the mountainside. Her feet slipped around on the steep slope beneath her, trying desperately to find a purchase.
“Now, was our offer really so bad?” a voice said from above her. Looking up, Jalina could see the two figures looking down at her. Their faces were concealed by their hoods. The soft yet menacing voice spoke again. “You know, it really would be a shame to refuse. It is a long fall to the bottom.” Jalina looked down quickly to see a canyon far, far below her. She Looked back up at the two figures. “I will never accept!” She said quietly, yet her words carried.
“Pity.” The tall figure said, raising a gloved fist. “It’s really too bad, you don’t really have a choice...”
“Captain!” the small figure spoke, looking out into the horizon. “Look over there!”
“What?” the captain said, lifting his gaze from the figure hanging perilously. “It’s a cliffhanger!
“What are you talking about?” Jalina asked. “I’m down-”
“Oh yeah, sure, a cliffhanger.” Jalina muttered. “And I’m hanging from a cliff. Yeah. Reeaalll funny.”
1,842 words UPDATED: 2,034 words
Posted May 02 2013 - 01:05 PM
Road Trip 2
nine, part two. Ten: Getting the gang back together OR I'm not doing this stupid "Half chapter" stuff again, it's too confusing.
“Well, this is a sticky wicket.” Kongu said. He, Vezok, Avak, Reidak, Hakann, Kopaka, X-ray, and X-ray’s girlfriend had all run into Kapurkar’s group in the deserted clearing in the middle of the forest. Now they were all lost, confused, wet, and a little hungry. (Thok had eaten all the snacks an hour before.)
“You said it.” X-Ray said, leaning on a tree. “We don’t know where we are, where everyone else is, How we’re going to get out of here, and what even drove the animals mad!”
“I know it stopped raining, finally.” Kapurkar said, holding out a hand and catching one of the last few raindrops. “Sadly, I don’t know the answer to any of the other questions. Nuparu couldn’t even get Helen’s bike fixed.” He said, looking over a Nuparu, who had somehow gotten himself tangled in pike metal, black tire, and bike chain. Helen was standing next to him, trying to pull the bike off.
“I TOLD you, I don’t need a snack bar and grenade launcher built into my bike!” Helen grumbled, yanking on the handlebars.
“EVERY bike needs a snack bar.” Nuparu said, twisting his head around. “I just decided to throw in the grenade launcher for fun.”
“Well, just fix the bike next time, please?” Helen asked, finally freeing him from the ruined bike. “It’s not like we have any snacks for the snack bar anyway...”
“If you guys are done arguing,” Kapurkar said, “we should try to find the others and get out of here.” He had hardly moved from his sitting position next to the kikinalo when a high-pitched scream rang through the forest. The kikinalo’s ears perked up before he, like the other animals, fled in terror. The group could only whip around and look for the source of the scream, and watch as the kikinalo fled into the forest.
“That sounded like Jalina!” Kongu said. “It sounds like she’s in trouble!”
“Well, yeah, genius.” Avak said. “But we can’t go find her when we don’t have any way of getting to her! All we can do is walk and hope we’re headed in the right direction!”
“Y’know, it feels like this is only a literary plot to annoy readers who’ve been waiting to find out what happens to Jalina.” Nuparu said.
“Don’t break the fourth wall! We could all be in mortal danger if you do that!” Hakann said.
“We broke it back in the first chapter, remember?” Nuparu said, standing up after stowing the remains of the bike back in his suitcase.
“We don’t want to break it again!”
“We’ve broken it in every chapter since then! Why does it matter now?”
“Dramatic tension, that’s why!”
“What dramatic tension? This is a COMEDY.”
“Quit it! We need to stop before the author gets bored with us and decides to change to a different grou-”
“Now that we’ve taken care of that cliffhanger-”
“Um, I’m still down here.”
“I wasn’t referring to you, although it is amazing that you managed to hang on during that rainstorm.”
“Why thank you, I feel so honored.”
“Now cut the sarcasm.”
“Anyway.” The Captain said, wiping the dust off of his gloved hands “we can get back to the matter at hand. It’s a pity it took half our forces to fight it off, though.” He continued, looking at his decimated forces pulling themselves together, some of them seemingly quite literally. He then looked down at the teenager still hanging onto the cliff below him. “Now, are you going to climb back up, or will we have to come and get you? You don’t really have any choice about staying put.” He told her.
“Me? With you? Fat chance!” Jalina said, glancing around at the cliff to find a way down rather than up. “Although, it was awfully convenient that you showed up right when I happened to be alone.”
“Yes, we planned that. Our trap, however, didn’t work as well as we had planned. We didn’t expect two of your friends to have motorized vehicles.”
“You mean YOU caused the whine I heard on the radio?” Jalina asked. “I thought that was Berix’s screwdriver!”
“No, that was our doing. We wanted to get you alone, so that we can bring you to the boss with as little trouble as possible. He has an offer you can’t refuse.” The Captain said. “One you’re not going to refuse.” Suddenly, he reached down with an impossibly long arm and grabbed Jalina around her middle, somehow managing to pin her arms in the process. He lifted her off the sheer cliff face, suspending her over a long drop to the canyon below. “You’re officially our prisoner, and you can’t do a single thing about it.”
“Can I?” The girl replied with a wry smile.
“Nothing. We know your power is waning.”
“Oh, really?” the Captain replied. “Then why are you still our prisoner?”
“Captain!” the Lieutenant called out. The Captain turned around in time to catch the flash of a blinding glare in his eyes. He immediately pulled both hands in front of his face to protect his eyes. Unfortunately, this caused him to let go of Jalina, who screamed as she plummeted into the canyon, still able to hear the faint sounds of a joining battle above her.
“Well, the rain finally stopped.” Hewkii said, looking out from the cave. Behind him, Thok and Matoro, who had finally regained conscious, stood up. Matoro walked out of the cave, looking at the bubbling creek that ran near the cave. “Where do you think everyone else is?” he asked, turning and looking back at the others.
“You know them.” Thok said. “They’re resourceful, and smart. I’m sure they’ll drop in sometime.”
“Does anyone else hear screaming?” Hewkii asked. Matoro looked around, then up. He moved completely by reflex as Jalina dropped out of the sky neatly into his arms. She flinched and looked up, surprised.
“Nice catch.” Jalina said, relived. Behind them, Hewkii and Thok looked at each other.
“I thought you were being sarcastic.” Hewkii said.
“So did I.” Thok replied.
“Jalina, care to explain why you suddenly fell out of the sky?” Matoro asked, gently setting her down.
“Well, it was more like I fell off a really high cliff, but that’s a different story. Right now, I think we have bigger problems.” She said, looking back up the cliff. “You know, that cliff seemed a whole lot higher from up there.” She commented. “But that’s not important.” She looked at her friends. “Someone’s out to get this comedy.” Upon seeing the shoked faces of her friends, she quickly explained what had transpired on the cliff above to the others. “I don’t know who was fighting the cloaked figures, but we should find out.”
“Hey, Jalina!” They heard a voice call. All four looked to see Numi, Axonn, Berix, Jaller, Hahli, Maerek, Cybil, and Ihrax emerge from the forest. “Glad to see you’re okay. We were coming to your rescue up there when that big dark guy dropped you. By then, we were already fighting those cloaked weirdos, so we couldn’t come see if you were all right.”
“I’m fine.” Jalina said. “But how did you find us so fast? And what happened to the dark guys up there?”
“Simple. I always know where my best friend is.” Numi said. Noticing Jalina’s glare, she sighed. “Okay, so Ihrax used his teleportation powers to find you, then came back for the rest of us. But we left markers so that we could find our way back.” Numi said. “As for those cloaked weirdoes, they scattered a few minutes after we started fighting them. What was with those guys anyway?”
“Figures.” Jalina said. “You managed to show up RIGHT AFTER I finished telling these three. I hate it when that happens.”
“Sorry. Mind telling us anyway?
Jalina sighed began to explain to the others what had happened after they had been separated earlier in the day. Soon, the entire group was up to speed, except for one thing. “Where’s Doctor Bob?” Jalina asked.
“He had that Epics contest he wanted to do. And he said something about school. He slipped away when we weren’t looking and left a note, saying that he needed to return to the Epics and work for a while on other work.” Cybil said.
“So he essentially left you here for me to babysit while he worked on the Epics summer Olympics contest.” Jalina clarified.
“Yeah, that about covers it.” The Vortixx replied. Jalina sighed. As if taking care of a group of toa and piraka weren’t enough.
“Well, now that that’s cleared up, we need to decide what to do next.” Jalina said, putting on a smile and looking around at her friends and companions. “You know what I’m talking about.” She said when she saw the other’s confused looks. “We’re missing half the crew, we’ve got almost an army of dark, cloaked figures after us, and they apparently work for some guy who wants control of this entire comedy, we still have over half a road trip to finish, and it’s not even lunchtime.”
“Actually, it’s 2:00 in the afternoon.” Jaller said, looking at his watch.”
“Whatever. Point is, things aren’t at their brightest right now.”
“What should we do?” Numi asked.
“I think we should continue the trip, and if those dark guys come back, we kick them into next year.” Jalina said. “Who’s with me?” One by one, the group gathered into a circle and put their hands together.
“This comedy just upped the ante.” Jalina said with a grin.
“You FAILED to capture her?” the Dark voice boomed. In front of him, the Captain trembled in the dark.
“It was not our fault! First the cliffhanger delayed us, then we were attacked by the girl’s companions!” The Captain explained.
“Fancy words for you accidentally dropping her.” The Dark voice said. Somewhere in the dark chamber, a tall figure stood. “You know our task is to bring the girl in. Our parter wishes us to deal with her so that he can take the comedy. He can’t do that if the girl is still running free.”
“We will do better next time.” The Captain promised, steadying himself. “She will not escape again.”
“She better not.”
What’s this? TWO enemies? How will the group deal with this surprise? And will the group ever get back together again?
Find out next time!
Current world count: Approx 1,770 words.
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