Edited by Legolover-361, Oct 15 2011 - 03:53 PM.
Posted Oct 13 2011 - 09:36 PM
Posted Oct 15 2011 - 01:06 PM
Dynamics - my new epic. Chapter 1 up. "I am sorry for that, though I have never heard a smell called rude."
Posted Oct 15 2011 - 03:33 PM
Posted Oct 15 2011 - 03:57 PM
Ha, yeah, this is one of my longer short stories, if not my longest, period. Thanks!
That's one very long short story, but very enjoyable. I'm glad I found the time to read the whole thing. The descriptions of the scenery were great. I really liked the humorous banter between Jovan and Lesovikk. So Toa like. Great story.
Thanks for pointing out the typo; for some reason I can't spot the little buggers on Microsoft Word until it's too late. As to the filter, it also removed a perfectly innocent instance of the "j-word", as in, "Jovan nodded, a couple quick [j-word]s of his head" -- but I fixed that right after posting.I'm glad you think it's good enough to be canon; hopefully the judges / voters / whoever will decide on the entries will think the same.
Grammar Nazism first: There's a point where Jovan says "Not to we'll be fighting to the death, of course." I think you meant to put "Not that we'll be fighting to the death, of course." Also, there's a scene where Lesovikk cries that Jovan isn't fighting fair, which was filtered into "it is fair and just." Might want to reword that. With that out of the way, it's a nice, self-contained story about Lesovikk improving his skills, and we get to see Jovan - that makes it definitely worth canonizing in my book. Hats off to you, Legolover.
Posted Oct 16 2011 - 09:12 PM
PM me if you're a Temple Owl!
New Forum Writings: A Warning Flare Island Boy New Sheets The Water Stays the Same Through the Mirror Unpopular A Cry Ignored Solid Ground Slipping Through One People Tahu's Nightmare/Dreams of Darkness
Part Element, Part Legend, Review- Newest Chapter- "Through the Storm" Posted 9/16/12
Archived Stories: Island of Danger Karzahni's Escape Battle of the Manas Shut Up and Drive Matoro and the Land of the Dead Matoro and the Camp of the Living Mistika Rap Across the Galaxy The Theif The Last Horcrux A Day in the Dark Misplaced in the Hamper Fall Night Lighthouse for the Lost Step of the Tides