14 replies to this topic

[Pride]

About a year ago, I suddenly came up with an idea to do a graphic novel/manga type fantasy comic series. I finished the prologue within a month, then I got a case of writer's block (writer's block for later parts of the script). Didn't help that the site went down for months. And then I lost my drive completely. Now it's back for the time being and while I'm still not done with chapter 1, I just thought I should at least put up the prologue. And yes, I am aware of how awfully cliched it is; it's making me cringe right now. =P Anyways, I'll post a complete lore later, but I'll just give you the basic concept. It's set in a Bionicle-like universe populated mainly by Matoran. There are also Toa and Turaga among others, but they are few and far between. There are also phantom-like beings known as Reapers (or Wraiths) and Ghouls (colloquially known as "Soul Eaters" due to their taste for - you guessed it - souls). Wraiths can control elemental Shadow and one other Toa element and can take on whatever shape they please (typically Toa or Matoran, but others are also known to happen). Ghouls are similar to Wraiths, but they are feral and their only ability is to sense spirits and tear souls out of living bodies. I'll establish the story as we go along. For now, please do enjoy the Prologue.

Cover Art

Prologue

Page 1

Page 2

Page 3

Omake

If I get artist's block again or have too little time or just feel like it, I might include some "non-canon" humorous segments featuring the story's character (like what some mangaka do). Also where I stick people I have no idea what to do with.

Cast

Along with characters I imagine, I also use actual BZPers in this series. If you like, I can include you, though I can't guarantee when you'll make an appearance (if at all). Just PM me with an image or detailed description of how you want your character to look as well as a bio. Listed here are my present cast (if they have appeared, what chapter they first appear in is listed next to their name).

Kyori: Yours truly, I'm in the Prologue, the she-Wraith with a KauKau. I'll only be making minor appearances from here on out, though.
Thylon: TBA
Shadix: TBA
Miraka: TBA
Evo: TBA
Lord Oblivion: TBA

Everyone else came from my skull. If I had sent you the invitation PM and you had accepted, but I forgot you, please let me know via PM.

Credit

Bionicle is owned by LEGO.
Original Characters are owned and drawn by me.
Credit to Evo (currently The First Evo) for coming up with the original Shadow Reaper and Soul Eater concepts.

Edited by Pride, Feb 07 2012 - 01:31 PM.

[Architect]

Oh my Mata Nui, is that me on the cover? :U

I'm flattered.

Looks great so far, Kyo. Your art is gorgeous, and you've written quite the tantalizing prologue. Looking forward to more, whenever you have the time to draw it. :]

[Roger Jacobsen]

Very nice indeed!

Though, I must point out that at %100 zoom, the text is hard to read. Would you mind either enlarging the size or changing the font?

And, do you plan to add colors?

[Architect]

And, do you plan to add colors?

I know I should really let Kyori answer this, but...

I asked her once if she would like me to digitally color the comic, and she declined, saying she'd prefer to keep it black and white, "at least for now".

[NX09]

This looks Very.... Awesome so far. very interesting
and cool.

I like the level of detail in the backgrounds of your drawings! Whenever i draw, i forget to add backgrounds...

I'll keep my eye on this! Hope to see more soon!

[Kakaru]

I have to say I'm overjoyed to see another hand-drawn comic here. The scenery looks great, the plot (though rather ambiguous at this point) has potential, drawing your characters as distinctly mechanical-tilted Bionicle characters is incredibly bold, and any comic that chooses a serious tone over the generic slapstick routine get major points.

On to the criticism. Your comic suffers from uncropped pages. (OMG nooo! ) When zoomed out the dialogue is unreadable and the art is unclear. When zoomed in, it's impossible to read more than one panel at a time, so the overall effect and any pacing is completely lost since I have to keep zooming in and out to get the whole picture. I recommend scaling the width to around 850/900 pixels, as most computers have their screens set to 1024 x 768. With a full browser window -and I tried this with one of your pages to make sure- it will make the images clear and the dialogue readable.

With that, I believe you could allow yourself more room for dialogue without harming the rest of the comic. The text seems to be hugging the sides of the speech bubbles with no clear purpose. It seems like you don't want to cover up more of the art in the panel than needed (which is totally understandable) but it verges on the absurd when the speech is cloistered into a little box in the corner when the rest of the panel showcases a brick wall. In many professional comics the speech overlaps the scenery and even the characters without detracting from the overall effect. Art and text are both equally important parts of the storytelling process in comics, but additional weight should not be given to the pictures where the words are what needs to be seen.

Oh and about the colouring: I agree. It's bloody hard and isn't appreciated as much as it should be. I recommend just focusing on establishing a schedule and putting out a couple chapters before you mess with colour.

I look forward to reading along with this series. Best of luck, I'll be watching.

[Lord Oblivion]

Looks great so far Kyori! Very nicely done drawing, and being black and white makes it look more like a graphic novel! Personally, I don't think coloring it would be necessary, at least until the whole thing is finished.


I'll definitely be following along with this =)

[Pride]

Thank you all for your comments. Sorry I didn't get here sooner, but I had a very busy week, and I was only able to come on for a few short moments.

And, do you plan to add colors?

I know I should really let Kyori answer this, but...

I asked her once if she would like me to digitally color the comic, and she declined, saying she'd prefer to keep it black and white, "at least for now".

Yeah, now I remember. I may at least color the cover art, if I ever find time. But feel free to color any of my pages. I'd like to see how you color. This applies to anyone interested.

I have to say I'm overjoyed to see another hand-drawn comic here. The scenery looks great, the plot (though rather ambiguous at this point) has potential, drawing your characters as distinctly mechanical-tilted Bionicle characters is incredibly bold, and any comic that chooses a serious tone over the generic slapstick routine get major points.

On to the criticism. Your comic suffers from uncropped pages. (OMG nooo! ) When zoomed out the dialogue is unreadable and the art is unclear. When zoomed in, it's impossible to read more than one panel at a time, so the overall effect and any pacing is completely lost since I have to keep zooming in and out to get the whole picture. I recommend scaling the width to around 850/900 pixels, as most computers have their screens set to 1024 x 768. With a full browser window -and I tried this with one of your pages to make sure- it will make the images clear and the dialogue readable.

With that, I believe you could allow yourself more room for dialogue without harming the rest of the comic. The text seems to be hugging the sides of the speech bubbles with no clear purpose. It seems like you don't want to cover up more of the art in the panel than needed (which is totally understandable) but it verges on the absurd when the speech is cloistered into a little box in the corner when the rest of the panel showcases a brick wall. In many professional comics the speech overlaps the scenery and even the characters without detracting from the overall effect. Art and text are both equally important parts of the storytelling process in comics, but additional weight should not be given to the pictures where the words are what needs to be seen.

Oh and about the colouring: I agree. It's bloody hard and isn't appreciated as much as it should be. I recommend just focusing on establishing a schedule and putting out a couple chapters before you mess with colour.

I look forward to reading along with this series. Best of luck, I'll be watching.

Thank you for the review, Kakaru. Yeah, I seem to remember Miraka pointing the same thing out about a year ago when I showed my cast members an early version of page one. But I never had a problem loading and viewing the pages. I guess it depends on the computer. But I promise I'll reduce the image sizes before posting them in the future.

And bleh, I know about the stupid speech bubbles (especially the last one on Page 2 ). I had underestimated the amount of space the font would take up (I hate going below 10 point, btw) and am taking measures to prevent that in later chapters (and being more concise with dialogue; now I know why professional comics have such brief lines =P). Cropping: Trust me, I've already cropped off as much of Page 1 as I dare; but I all but forgot for the next two (which I scanned recently, which is a year after the first)

And I'm so glad to see people liking my backgrounds, especially considering how I nearly went insane drawing the details. XD I'm going to avoid that location for a good while (or at least use somewhat less detail).

On a different note: did anyone notice that transparency effect I used for Orpheus (guy with the Arthron)?

Edited by Pride, Feb 10 2012 - 08:43 PM.

[Architect]

Oh, by the way, I suggest using a different font. The one you're using doesn't seem to fit with the feel of the comic. I suggest using something softer, but maybe still with serifs. The one you have is a bit too formal and straight. If you don't, though, making the font not bold (if it is now) would help.

Edited by Architect, Feb 10 2012 - 09:05 PM.

[Kakaru]

Thank you for the review, Kakaru. Yeah, I seem to remember Miraka pointing the same thing out about a year ago when I showed my cast members an early version of page one. But I never had a problem loading and viewing the pages. I guess it depends on the computer. But I promise I'll reduce the image sizes before posting them in the future.

And bleh, I know about the stupid speech bubbles (especially the last one on Page 2 ). I had underestimated the amount of space the font would take up (I hate going below 10 point, btw) and am taking measures to prevent that in later chapters (and being more concise with dialogue; now I know why professional comics have such brief lines =P). Cropping: Trust me, I've already cropped off as much of Page 1 as I dare; but I all but forgot for the next two (which I scanned recently, which is a year after the first)

And I'm so glad to see people liking my backgrounds, especially considering how I nearly went insane drawing the details. XD I'm going to avoid that location for a good while (or at least use somewhat less detail).

On a different note: did anyone notice that transparency effect I used for Orpheus (guy with the Arthron)?

Haha, no worries. Thanks for taking my suggestions into consideration!

And yeah, the trasparent effect was quite well done. I forgot to mention that. It was actually the first thing that caught my eye.

Oh, by the way, I suggest using a different font. The one you're using doesn't seem to fit with the feel of the comic. I suggest using something softer, but maybe still with serifs. The one you have is a bit too formal and straight. If you don't, though, making the font not bold (if it is now) would help.

I tend to disagree; at least for these first few pages, the formal tone helped bring it across as stiff and a bit uncomfortable, which is what the dialogue and characters conveyed as well.
I do think you should switch it in later pages if you don't plan on maintaining the overly-serious tone. Natural-looking handwriting would fit better. I wish you the best of luck.

Edited by Kakaru, Feb 10 2012 - 09:28 PM.

[Roger Jacobsen]

I have too many things on my hands, even though I'd love to color this.
I did some coloring on a drawing for my 1000th post, and it was OK.

[Architect]

Oh, by the way, I suggest using a different font. The one you're using doesn't seem to fit with the feel of the comic. I suggest using something softer, but maybe still with serifs. The one you have is a bit too formal and straight. If you don't, though, making the font not bold (if it is now) would help.

I tend to disagree; at least for these first few pages, the formal tone helped bring it across as stiff and a bit uncomfortable, which is what the dialogue and characters conveyed as well.
I do think you should switch it in later pages if you don't plan on maintaining the overly-serious tone. Natural-looking handwriting would fit better. I wish you the best of luck.

I'll agree with you on that, actually. Good point.

[Pride]

Oh, by the way, I suggest using a different font. The one you're using doesn't seem to fit with the feel of the comic. I suggest using something softer, but maybe still with serifs. The one you have is a bit too formal and straight. If you don't, though, making the font not bold (if it is now) would help.

I tend to disagree; at least for these first few pages, the formal tone helped bring it across as stiff and a bit uncomfortable, which is what the dialogue and characters conveyed as well.
I do think you should switch it in later pages if you don't plan on maintaining the overly-serious tone. Natural-looking handwriting would fit better. I wish you the best of luck.

I'll agree with you on that, actually. Good point.

Lol. And no one noticed the font changed after the first page. But then, Baskerville and Poor Richard are very similar...

Anyways, I'm planning on giving non-Wraith characters Sans Serif font while the Wraiths keep the serifs. What do you think of that?

[Architect]

Oh, by the way, I suggest using a different font. The one you're using doesn't seem to fit with the feel of the comic. I suggest using something softer, but maybe still with serifs. The one you have is a bit too formal and straight. If you don't, though, making the font not bold (if it is now) would help.

I tend to disagree; at least for these first few pages, the formal tone helped bring it across as stiff and a bit uncomfortable, which is what the dialogue and characters conveyed as well.
I do think you should switch it in later pages if you don't plan on maintaining the overly-serious tone. Natural-looking handwriting would fit better. I wish you the best of luck.

I'll agree with you on that, actually. Good point.

Lol. And no one noticed the font changed after the first page. But then, Baskerville and Poor Richard are very similar...

Anyways, I'm planning on giving non-Wraith characters Sans Serif font while the Wraiths keep the serifs. What do you think of that?

UGH SERIFS : p

Yah, sounds good to me.

[Pride]

Man, I've been gone a while. Sorry, I haven't been able to make progress on the next chapter, due to a major circumstance in my life. At this point in time, I'm recovering from a surgery that removed a fairly large tumor from my brain (I could show you an MRI scan, if you want XP). But don't worry, it was benign and I'm healing pretty quickly (though it has forced me to withdraw from the semester *shudder*. Good thing I have a huge surplus of credit hours.). Hopefully, during the next few months, I'll be able to churn out chapters more regularly. Oh, and please do post if it looks like the 30 day grace is about to end.

Edited by Pride, Mar 31 2012 - 09:19 PM.