Official Comedy of the Comedic Federation!
How to Be a Villain
How to Be a Hero Sucks
The Comedic Federation
Tahu: Alright men, listen up! Today I’m going to teach you all how to be heroes! And now those dorky Hero Factory heroes, I mean REAL HEROES!!
Furno: Hey, that isn’t nice. We’re cool.
Makuta: You are not. Hero Factory is dumb. Like Icarax over there.
Makuta: See? He’s so dumb, he’s speechless!
Furno: ... he’s dead.
Makuta: ... oh. My bad.
Tahu: SHUT UP! I DON’T WANT ANY MORE TALKING, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!
Makuta: Whatever, bro. You and me, we’re tight. You ain’t gonna do nothin’ to me.
Tahu: YOU WANNA BET, PUNK?!!?!
Makuta: My ears hurt.
Furno: See, if you were a Hero Factory hero, you could put him on mute.
Furno: I’m getting a very strange sense of déjà vu here.
Makuta: Now that you mention it, so do I. You’re still lame though.
Tahu: SHUT UP AND LISTEN UP!
Bulk: Excuse me Mister Tahu, but-
Tahu: I THINK YOU ALL NEED TO LEARN A LESSON HERE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT SUN TZU DID?!
Bulk: Who’s Sun Tzu?
Furno: Is he a Bionicle? Because you Bionicles are awful.
Makuta: Not Bionicles! Bionicles is a grammatically incorrect term, you lame hero!
Tahu: HE USED HIS MONEY TO BUY TWO OF EVERY ANIMAL ON EARTH, AND THEN HE HERDED THEM ONTO A BOAT, AND THEN HE BEAT THE socks OUT OF EVERY SINGLE ONE.
Breez: That’s so cruel!
Nex: I know, right? Why would anyone do that to an innocent animal?
Breez: Oh Nex, I love you.
Furno: Yuck! Romance! Ew! Get it away from me!
Bulk: So immature.
Nex: I agree.
Furno: Shut up. I’m gonna pass this class.
Tahu: FURNO! TO THE OFFICE!
Furno: ... never mind.
As Furno left, Makuta turned to Surge and frowned.
Makuta: I feel like you should be dead.
Surge: I should not!
Bulk: I feel as if you should be dead too.
Surge: That’s not nice! Tahu, they’re making death threats!
Tahu: NO DEATH THREATS!
Makuta: I’d just chuck him out the window. Like this!
Makuta then chucked Sidorak out the window.
Makuta: ... uh... which floor are we on?
Bulk: Floor 50 I think.
Nex: Well then...
Breez: That’s... not... that’s... very bad....
Tahu: Minus five Hero Points Makuta.
Makuta: Sigh. I’ll always be the villain.
Bulk: No way. That wasn’t obvious from the start.
Nex: Breez pointed it out first, so she’s smartest.
Breez: I love you too Nex.
Nex: Score 100 plus 5!
Surge: Oh for crying out loud, please stop the romance!
Nex: I think we should sing a song about how in love we are.
Breez: That’s so sweet!
Surge: Seriously. Don’t.
Makuta: I’ll have to throw both of you out the window too if you sing a song. Just so you know.
Bulk: We could lock them up in my portal.
Makuta: You have a portal?!
Bulk: Yeah. I got one of those limited 100 working Portal Guns last week.
Makuta: I’ll buy it off you.
Tahu: LISTEN UP!
Makuta: Um, I mean, of course! I’d love to listen up!
Makuta: I seriously believe that you should be dead.
Surge: That makes me sad face bro.
Stringer: Yoooo Suuurrrrge, you’re like, tooootally sounding like me right now broooo...
Surge: And so we now suffer him speaking.
Tahu: I SAID LISTEN UP! IF I HAVE TO PULL OUT THE BURNMAD YOU ARE NOT GOING TO ENJOY IT!
Makuta: Why do you always speak in caps lock?
Tahu: BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT!
Makuta: WELL I FEEL LIKE IT TOO!
Tahu: NEVER SPEAK IN ALL CAPS!
Makuta: WHY NOT?
Surge: Ears... bleeding....
Makuta: AUGH MY FACE!
Makuta: AUGH MY NOSE! AUGH MY EYES!
Makuta: AUGH MY LIVER!
Bulk: Nobody is going to laugh at anything you say, Makuta.
Bulk: Sir! I mean, uh, yeah?
Tahu: GIVE ME THREE HUNDRED PUSH-UPS!
Bulk: I feel like the next thing I’m gonna say is gonna be along the lines of “I can only do five![/whinyvoice]” and then the next thing you’re gonna say is gonna be like “GET IN THE CORNER AND TRAIN UNTIL YOU CAN GIVE ME 800 PUSH-UPS!” and then I’m going to go and do that many push-ups somehow and find the time to grow a forest in my portal.
Bulk: Or not. It’s your choice. Seriously though, I can only do five push ups.
Nex: Furno would have a field day with you.
Surge: Nah. Evo would.
Nex: Evo is too nice.
Breez: No, he’s too quiet.
Nex: Yeah, correction. Evo’s too quiet. Also, he never really pays attention to other people.
Tahu: BULK! IN THE CORNER! I WANT YOU ABLE TO DO 1800 PUSH UPS BY TOMORROW!
Tahu: Do it. Now.
Bulk: Son of a Muaka, my life is over.
Makuta chuckled as Bulk walked into the corner and began to slowly work on his first push up.
Makuta: He’ll never be the same! Muahaha! I feel like breaking out the evil grin!
Surge: Don’t. Tahu will just use the Burnmad again.
Makuta: Yeah, good point. I won’t.
Nex: Thank goodness.
Tahu: LISTEN UP! TODAY’S HOMEWORK IS TO HAVE FIFTY REASONS WHY KILLING SOMEONE IS BAD!
Breez: I have ten thought up already!
Nex: Inspiration strikes! I have twelve ready! Woot!
Makuta: Man, I am going to be so bad at this... can they be reasons why killing someone is good?
Makuta: Never mind. Let’s uh, just forget that I uh... said that... or whatever. Yeah.
Tahu: One last warning. You mention your cruel enjoyment of torturing people once more, I will throw you into the wig salon.
Makuta: Oh dear lord please don’t. But I must clarify that I don’t actually enjoy torturing people, I just enjoy stripping them of their lives and sending them to The Void. Yeah.
Bulk: Muscles... deflating...
Much Later, the Wig Salon:
Makuta: Sigh. I’m so bored.
Weird Matoran Guy: Don’t be! I am very qualified to be fitting you vith zese vigs!
Makuta: You own a Wig Salon and you can’t even pronounce “wig” correctly?
Weird Matoran Guy: For ze millionth time, it is my accent! Gosh!
Makuta: Hey man, I didn’t say anything before.
Weird Matoran Guy: True, but I have had to point zat accent fact out at least fifty times today alone.
Weird Matoran Guy: Ind- vat vas zat?
Makuta: I didn’t understand a word of that sentence, but would you mind telling me why a portal is opening up on the single white panel in the room?
Weird Matoran Guy: Zat is vat I just asked! Vat is zat?
Makuta: Oh Mata-Nui why... this is gonna be a long day....
To Be Continued!
Hope you guys enjoyed thius first chapter! Expect Toa Zehvor MT with Chapter 2 soon, explaining why that portal is there!
Also, the small print on the banners says this:
FROM iBROW COMEDY PRODUCTIONS
and OMEGA TURTLE STUDIOS
STARRING TAHU, WILLIAM FURNO, MAKUTA, PRIDAK
A CLASS TALE OF GOOD (WHAT FAILURES) VS. EVIL (WIN!)
WILL LAUGH AT AWESOMENESS OVERLOADS
Also, don't forget to select your favourite quote from the chapter, as it could make it into my signature!
Edited by Kermit the Pyro, Mar 25 2012 - 10:53 AM.