117 replies to this topic

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Inspect Conspicuous Pile of Brightly Coloured Plastics.


Your models are now in shambles. So much work gone to pot. You shed a single tear for the ghosts of the architects that surely mourn your loss. You suppose it is for the best.



[Brian]::::



After all, you're going to have difficulty typing on your TV without a keyboard.



[Brian]::::



I guess you could sit at your computer, but this doodad is more fun.



[Brian]::::



No sense in squandering your investments to do the utterly pedestrian when you can lavish yourself in quaint eccentricities, right?


[Brian]: Get Aggravated

Spoiler

PI: hey
PI: hey brian
PI: is this you
PI: http://whoisray.me/s...anisthisyou.gif
TD: I am going to be honest with you that is the utmost perfect depiction of my person
TD: You have absolutely no idea how flawlessly this encapsulates my visage
PI: good
PI: i worked extra hard on it
PI: just for you
TD: That kitten is just rocking his little heart out
PI: i think it represents andrew's inner essence
PI: or it's his spirit guide
TD: Im going to save this in a specially marked folder called awesome stuff pi makes
PI: awesome!!
PI: keep it forever. it'll be worth like, hundreds of thousands of looneys and/or dollars someday i bet
TD: That is definitely something that is going to happen possibly maybe
PI: sweetness
PI: anyways
PI: are you excited for the game launch?
PI: mr butyraceous torcula keeps going on about it
TD: Game launch what game launch oh man oh no
TD: Oh yeah
TD: I am not ready for the game launch but i know i will be
TD: Im sorry you know how things are it just slipped my mind my calendar isnt even on the right month
TD: You must be as excited as i am at this point anything new on the horizons that i should know about
PI: ummmmmmmm
PI: i am so excited!!!
PI: everyone gets to finally meet for realsies!
PI: and it will be awesome oh man oh man
TD: One could even say youre dreaming of it right
PI: peeeeeerhaps
TD: Hahaha anyone else excited about it yet i haven't talked to anyone other than you
PI: i'm not sure. i keep pestering people, but they always seem to be busy
PI: you're the first person in a while to message me back game-wise
TD: Hmm okay well how about this you keep working on gp wa and cp and ill hound gg ir and mm
PI: sweet deal
PI: also
PI: dude
PI: be careful
PI: some weird stuff is going down here
PI: ok
TD: Dont worry you could even say im on the case
PI: putting your sleuthing prowess to work?
TD: As soon as i figure out where my mysteries notebook is im putting this as top priority
PI: aw man
PI: super sleuth brian lawson cracking cases like a baker cracking eggs for a top-notch super sleuth souffle
TD: Your top priority is making that into one of your sweet images
TD: When you have more time of course
TD: Im going to bother ray now talk to you soon
PI: will do
PI: bye!
technicalDropout (TD) ceased aggravating passiveInfiltrator (PI)

[Brian]: Aggrevate irritableRevenant



You proceed to have this entire conversation, but from your perspective.



[Brian]: Investigate to See if Anything Else is Hidden Under Your Floor



You decide arbitrarily to hold off on talking to the other guy for a bit. Instead, you decide to take in recent events that still leave you puzzled. You give that floor a good groping, but no use! It is still as flawless and pristine as you thought it was before that pad appeared. What sort of magic mojo is afoot? You remain baffled.



[Brian]: Investigate the Other Rooms



You give the curtain a shove, but it doesn't budge an inch! You knew this day would come, though if you actually used your calender properly you would have actually known this day was coming. Though it is curious the scheduled lockdown was set to happenthe same day as the game's launch. No sense fretting it now. For the time being, you're at home, stuck in this room.



[Brian]: Give Your Teddy Bear a Great Hug



You think that shiving yourself in this situation is a little melodramatic. Stop being a baby.



[Brian]: Indulge Yourself In The Awesomeness that is Battlestar Galactica



You forget what it was you were doing and open your media player and mash go on the first episode that comes up. It's the one where everyone is secretly a Cylon, and the hilarity ensues when the finger-pointing begins. Talk about Cyfonze jumping the Cyshark. You can't understand what everyone sees in this show.



[Brian]::::



You get about 10 seconds in before you are rudely interrupted. You were hoping to put this conversation off a little longer. Something about trying to entice a guy who avidly rejects video games to play one just does not bode well, conversationally. It is not going to be an easy sell! But he beat you to the punch. He must have something important and crucial to ask you! What's this guy's deal!!



[Brian]::::

Spoiler

glamGuitarist began pestering technicalDropout

GG: HEY BRO
GG: brobrobro
GG: broman polanksi
GG: broman empire
GG: brokeback mountain
TD: Greetings, my bromide solution
TD: What words do you bring merrily?
GG: well
GG: if suggestions of great weight cause tremors, i'm about to rock the broat
GG: I think.................................we should form a band
GG: bro band. brand.
GG: (bro)
TD: Haha what
TD: Didnt we already do that
TD: Something like the Degenertones or something like that
TD: Or was that even me
GG: You're thinking of that time CP wanted to form a punk band
GG: oh no wait
GG: that was me
GG: and I asked her to join and she said no
GG: ...
GG: this is like the eighth time i've tried this, isn't it?
TD: Okay well sure lets form another band that sounds like a totally awesome thing to do that will totally happen and not be a complete waste of time i guess
TD: I will play the nothing as per usual
GG: I thought you had a keyboard
TD: Well yeah i do but i cant really use it since its more for just laying down some sick beats when i feel like it
TD: (which is never)
GG: um, so, lay down sick beats for the band, man
GG: and i mean you can learn to play it
GG: do you think my housemate knew how to play bass when we formed the Predacons? did that stop him?
GG: did the factt hat she knew nothing about music stop paul mccartney from making his wife the keyboardist in Wings?
GG: basically i'm asking you here
GG: be my wife
TD: Sorry man im just not into you like that
TD: (musically)
TD: But im totally down for listening to what you got to demo
TD: I just put in some new stuff that will really make the people next door crazy
TD: If
TD: There were people next door
TD: (which there is not)
GG: you're breaking my heart man
GG: uh
GG: what have i got that i feel comfortable sending
GG: uhh
GG: OH well i did record this cover today
GG: you might like it
GG: i still need to fix up the drums on all my original stuff
GG: (am I being to perfectionist?)
GG: (am I terrible)
GG: (will i never finish)
TD: Haha no worries i just want to test the parameters of this equipment
TD: Which reminds me you havent forgotten have you
**GG is trying to send TD thatthing.mp3**
GG: uh...forgotten?
TD: SIIIIIIIIGH
GG: i haven't forgotten....my dedication to THE BAND
GG: by which i mean the band, because "the weight" is perfect
GG: but also our new band
GG: brand
TD: Why yes our band
TD: Our band of exactly eight members
GG: !!!!
GG: wait
GG: what
GG: are we gonna be a prog-rock outfit
GG: is that what you're suggesting here
GG: are we gonna have three guitarists and two keyboardists
GG: ar eyou going ot BECOME rick wakeman?
GG: am i robert fripp now?
GG: who's gonna be roger waters?
GG: should we name ourselves after a continent, like Asia?
GG: could we be Antarctica?
TD: Hush your pretentious prattling you goof
TD: For the game
GG: that's
GG: that's not a prog-rock album
GG: i mean, queen's earlier stuff is
GG: but that's just pop rock
TD: The game that we are about to play
GG: ...
TD: The one that might possibly save our lives
TD: Possibly
TD: Maybe
GG: ???
TD: The one ID is getting us to play
TD: The one from lego
TD: Stop doing that silly thing where you forget about stuff like this
GG: OH
GG: oh
GG: oh ######
GG: i told ray i was going to get that, didn't i
GG: and then I kind of
GG: forgot
GG: on purpose
TD: Andrew please you have to play
TD: Our success depends on it
TD: I think
TD: (possibly)
GG: :|
GG: man
GG: man
GG: man...
TD: What
GG: look, dude, I just
GG: okay I'm going to confess something
GG: it's a secret
GG: so don't go telling everybody like i know you want to
TD: I am mr zipperlips
TD: zzzzzzzzzzip
GG: bro
GG: i really, really blow at video games
GG: [THE FOLLOW LINE WAS REMOVED FOR INDECENY :) :) :) :) :) ]
GG: i just don't think i'm going ot be able to handle this thing :/
TD: Can i let you in on a secret
TD: A real one and not like the pretend one you did just now that is a secret to absolutely no one
GG: you mean this is an open secret too?
GG: first everyone finds out about all the stuff i did backstage in college, now this?
GG: godddd
TD: Please everyone knows about you and your hipster ironic charm but this is important
GG: ignoring that comment
GG: important?
TD: I think it just might be
TD: See from what i have gathered each participant will bring to the game their greatest weaknesses
TD: But also their strengths
GG: i'm not sure how my raw sexual magnetism can help in a video game
TD: You would be surprised at what things will affect this game
TD: But one thing to remember is while you will be challenged greatly on the road ahead
TD: Your part in all of this is very important to our success as a whole
TD: Oh wait hang on
TD: I just finished downloading your demo
TD: I am just going to put this on
GG: what

Edited by Makaru, Jul 10 2012 - 01:59 PM.

[Makaru]

[S][Brian]: Play That Thing

Edited by Makaru, Aug 28 2012 - 10:02 AM.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Consult Dream Brain



You cannot consult Dream Brain because he does not exist in this realm! Despite that glaringly obvious fact you swear you can still hear his nasally thoughtvoice babystepping you every single step of the way. Welcome to Stardex, DREAM MANIFESTATION OF BRIAN! This mighty city holds many secrets to find, and friends to meet! GEEZE. Thanks for the exposition imaginary dream brain! It's not like you haven't woken up here whenever you've gone to sleep for...well, a long time! Next he'd go into some rambling tour of the devices in the room you awoke in, the identity of the floating bodies behind you, and the entire purpose of the facility itself. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Who needs that kind of information. You've solved all these mysteries YEARS ago!

Or at least, you believe you have.



[Brian]: Look Out!



Don't be ridiculous. These tiny lego men are not very talkative, and you certainly have nothing to fear from them. You're as safe as a young child playing with an uplugged toaster oven and a teddy bear.



[Brian]: AHHH!!



AHHH!



[Brian]: Do An Acrobatic Pirouette



Dubious! Even if you were capable of such a maneuver, you would have to be in STRIFE!!! mode to accomplish such a feat.

It's just this guy. He gave you a little startle there, but that's sort of his style. You've never met a smoother gentleman. At least, you assume he's a man, but you've never really had the gumption to ask. You have to admit, despite his somewhat fearsome appearance you've come to really appreciate and even, perhaps, admire this clear example of a nobleman before you. His sense of style, his casual yet imposing stature...As a fellow being of incredible height, you have real respect for one who has so effortlessly shouldered the burden.

Not to say you've let down your guard entirely.

Just mostly.

[InnerRayg]

[Brian]: Kiss the Gentleman



What's that? What about kissing a gentleman? You're sorry, you thought you were in mortal peril here or something. You'll stop all the presses and get right on this dude kissing right away!

Or you would if that wasn't the most ridiculous idea you've heard yet. It's way past time to get this here boat on the road. Your dicking around quotient has filled itself completely. No more distractions. You're installing this game and hopefully saving your home.

[Ray]: Check BRO's room





Okay. One last distraction. It's sort of terrifying to think about actually entering the horror show that is your LIL BRO's nest, but your responsibility as an elder sibling means you kind of have to let him know when you're both on the precipice of death itself. Deep breaths Adams, you can do this.

And a one, and a two...

[Ray]: AHHH!!



You stereotypically freak out at the various robotic animal horrors that dwell within, and and then calm down because seriously we've had enough freaking out for the day. Sadly, he is not in his room right now! Just his normal assortment of horrorbots and terrordroids, as well as a lot of half built chassis and a seemingly infinite supply of compressed air, oil, and gasoline needed to fuel these wildly inefficient beasts. Now that you think about it, it could be an explosively bad idea to let the fire reach his room.

[Ray]: Inspect Chess Set



From the corner of your eye, you notice that a piece has been moved on the chessboard. That can only mean he's hiding around here somewhere; the game has begun, and it turns out you were playing before you even knew it.

[Ray]: Move Pawn



Knight to F6. Eat your heart out Bobby Fischer.

[Ray]::::



Oh. Crud.

[Ray]::::



[Ray]::::



It's Fridgebot. He's back for revenge.

[Ray]: Be completely terrified



You are completely terrified.

[Ray]::::



WHOOPS!!

Edited by Hans Zimmer, Sep 03 2012 - 02:39 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]::::



[Ray]::::



[Ray]::::



[Ray]::::



[Ray]::::



[Ray]::::



[Ray]::::



That's not Fridgebot.

[Ray]::::



That's your LIL BRO.

[Ray]::::

[Ray]: STRIFE!



Ordinarily? Yes. Such disregard for your personal property, prompted as it was by similar disregard on your part, is still just begging for some comeuppance. You're gonna have to pass on round two this time though.

Annoying as he is, even your bro is willing to forgo SIBLING RIVALRY when it comes to threats to his mortality.

[Ray]: Flip out.




Yep. That was definitely worthy of congratulations. You're really steaming ahead here, you think. You'll be getting the coveted "Successfully dented in his own head with his palm" award any day now at this rate!

[Ray]: Give Up.



Give up? You're not going to give up...you're just going to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what you could have done to stop this whole situation from spiraling out of control. You thought this game was going to be your only hope. If only you could find a way to change this. You could have taken on your bro's stupid robot if you hadn't frozen up like that. So many regrets, but there's nothing you can do now. You'll have to teach him a lesson later, but for now you let him slink off into his room to save some of his more precious terrizoids. You'll need to get out of here, right after you let know Andrew what the situation is.

Spoiler

IrritableRevenant (IR) began aggravating glamGuitarist (GG) at 12:30 PM CST
IR: Well it was nice knowing you man
GG: what
IR: Sorry, dunno if you got the memo, but it turns out I'm about to die in a house fire
IR: mostly because I listened to Buttlop Turtleface
IR: stupid good for nothing friend
GG: cool, i'm sure you're not at all exaggerating in the slightest so I'll just whip out my red fire trust, grab my hose, and spray foam all over you to cool those fires
GG: that's what you want right okay cool great be there in two days
GG: tuck*
GG: truck*
GG: #######
IR: Yeah, I'm probably overexaggerating. technically I could just knock out a window or something and just watch my house burn down I guess
IR: So phew! False alarm. Sorry for bugging you! I'll talk to you again if the homeless shelter I'll be moving to soon has wifi
IR: Hopefully they don't knock the phone out of my hand everytime I say "please sir, may I have some more bandwidth?"
GG: ray bro, look, first off, dickens is overrated
GG: second i'm sorry i'm kind of cranky right now but i guess i'm just not in the mood for our usual repartee
GG: could you just
GG: leave me alone for a bit
GG: i mean it would be cool if anyone could maybe do that sometimes
GG: maybe now
GG: maybe for just a bit
IR: Did your roomie attack you or something?
IR: are you okay?
GG: things haven't been 'okay' between him and me since that last show a year ago and right now I really don't want to talk about it
IR: Hey man I'm sorry for coming off harsh. I didn't mean to be all yankin on ya chain or nothin.
IR: But like, that fire thing? It's not really a joke
IR: There is a fire, and I tried to call emergency services but Big Tripps stopped me. He told me to play this stupid game and it would save my house. Like a dingus, I believed him
IR: Except now the game CD is broken and I'm basically not really sure what to do
GG: wait
GG: what
IR: I'm just getting what's coming to me for believing in people I guess
IR: I should have known better
IR: sorry for trying to force you to play it
GG: wha
GG: dude what in the ####
GG: okay look, look, I don't care what Brokeback Turnstyle said, you need to call 911 and if you won't I will
GG: mother ###### crud pound goat burger let me look up the flying #### toadlicking area code for the fire department near you
IR: Dude, I live like a hundred miles from anything resembling civilization
IR: The place'll be to the ground before anyone gets here
GG: jesus noodle why don't you all listen to me when I tell you guys to move to the east coast where real civilization is ugh look i usually am joking when i say this but seriously??
GG: god
GG: and now MM left and
GG: ugh
GG: she's even further out than you are
GG: what if something happens to her out there??
IR: Didn't she move to Idaho or something?
GG: yeah
GG: middle of freaking nowhere
GG: it
GG: was kind of m fault
GG: my*
IR: Hey it's not all bad, I do enjoy not hearing the sound of my neighbor's toilet enjoying its two in the morning meal day in and day out
GG: that's because you're afraid of human intimacy
GG: obviously
IR: Wow this really is my lowest point isn't it. I've completely jumped into that all knowing terror, that of toilet humor
GG: dude what okay look
GG: i'd love to push this turd of a conversation out more but seriously guy you need to scat
GG: grab your bro and get out of the house; why are you sticking around!
IR: I dunno. Part of me still kind of wishes I could have tried to the game. He seemed so sure about the thing.
GG: look i've got the discs right here, I can launch the thing
GG: if bulltop's so hepped on this game
GG: i can put one of them in and get it running
GG: you just save yourself!!!!
GG: grab your bro and get out of the house; why are you sticking around!
IR: Wait wait hold on
IR: discs?
IR: Hold on. I'm gonna check something.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Inspect Package



Upon further investigation, the box contains one (1) BROKEN DISK, one (1) UNHARMED DISK, and one (1) INSTRUCTION MANUAL.

[Ray]: Inspect Manual





Phew! Thank goodness this page is here. You could never have handled assembling this incredibly complex video game without these warnings telling you not to deposit your pieces in a fuzzy snowbank.

[Ray]::::



Well, this seems preeeeeeeetty complicated, but if you're parsing this correctly you might only need the first disk to start playing!

[Ray]::::



Man this thing has a ton of pages! This sure is going to get complicated fast!

Edited by Hans Zimmer, Sep 04 2012 - 10:03 PM.

[Princess Grr]

[Ray]: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!? INSERT DISC, INSERT COIN, PRESS START!

No...no. Not right now.

[ANDREW] ::::

Not right now.

Again it comes to this. Again, violence is the only resolution the two of you can find to any conflict. You'd call yourself fortunate you were able to calm him down with the Grey Goose, but you still broke out those strings. You still made those lashes. No amount of vodka can dilute that.

And sure, there was no real danger. As rough as things have been between you and your room-mate ever since that last show, it's not like you were going to really kill or maim each other. And sure, it was in self-defense; that's oh-so-justified. Sure, sure, sure.

A million qualifiers and a million justifications can all be shuttled about but they all ultimately crash. You believe in peace. You believe in nonviolence. But it's hard to really, fully commit to that, isn't it?

It's hard to hang onto those lofty principles in the heart of the moment, isn't it? It's hard to stay calm when you're angry. It's hard not to get angry when you're in danger - or, even moreso when the people you love are in in danger.

It's hard to find a solution.

It's all so hard to swallow.

[ANDREW] ANSWER PHONE

Must you?

Of course you must. You always acquiesce to your friends. You proceed to have that last conversation with Ray that you just read.

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW] Grab those discs while you wait for Ray to get back

Hngh. The things you'll do for your friends.

Guess there's no turning back now. But you'll gladly waste your time fumbling with this business if it means you can convince Ray to actually leave his burning house. Having a friend in danger is not on your list of "acceptable things" and quite frankly it's absurd that the guy is thinking of anything other than getting the #### out. Maybe the smoke inhalation is touching his noggin. You'll see if you can find the number for an area rescue team and get them heading out for him.

Hold that thought - your phone beeps. Looks like Ray's IMing again.

[ANDREW] Answer Ray

Spoiler

IR: Install the one with the gear on it.
GG: Why? What's the difference?
IR: Each playing pair uses one of the disks.
IR: The one with the gear is called the "server"
IR: The one with the block is the "client".
IR: Don't ask me how I figured those names out from pictographs.
GG: What in the ####
GG: Look, hang on a moment

It's becoming increasingly apparent that there is absolutely no way you are going to understand any of this.

[ANDREW] Get back to the conversation

Spoiler

GG: Okay, continue
IR: well, since my server looks like it just came out of the microwave, looks like you get to be the one pulling the strings today.
GG: wonderful. what do I do.
IR: captchalogue the discs and go install the sever disc on your computer
GG: Roger. Play the game, play the game, everybody play the gaaaaaaaame...

[ANDREW] Give your room-mate a pillow before proceeding to your room

After what you've done, it wouldn't be right to just leave him here. You find something to make him more comfortable. Or at least more cultured.

Edited by Gustav Mahler, Sep 07 2012 - 06:29 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Return to room, insert disk.



You return to your room and proceed to insert the disk into your computer in a completely compliant and non-time wasting way.

[Ray]: Install client.



Your gaze drifts to the desktop of your computing device...the wallpaper you made with your own hands stares back proudly from it's digital frame. You are really proud of it, and looking at it makes you think back to when you first felt the desire to explore the stars above. It was so long ago....

[Ray]: STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH AND JUST INSTALL THE GAME ALREADY.



Yeesh! Somebody's a little impatient!

Man, this install screen is pretty lame. After all this hype you kind of figured it would be more impressive.

[Ray]::::



[Ray]::::



Just what the heck is this.

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW]: Return to room, insert disk.



Yeesh! Somebody's a little impatient!

[ANDREW]: Install Server.



Man, this install screen is amazing!! After all this doom and gloom you have to admit you are impressed. The colors shift and glow so vibrantly, you swear you're seeing hues that you've never before perceived. A small tears comes to your eye. This is what life is worth living for.

[ANDREW]::::


HOVER OVER THE BUTTONS

Just what the heck is this??

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Feel like somebody's watching you.

Spoiler

GG: whoa
GG: whoaaah
GG: dude
GG: dude it's you!!!
GG: ! !1
IR: Oh are you just now realizing it's me?
IR: I thought by now you had recognized my full fledged stardom. I've been waiting for you to start bending at the waist, lowering your head to kiss the ring on my finger and say "My liege, much has been spoken about your many legendary deeds.
IR: They look up and whisper with reverence, behold, that guy who did some sprite kits"
IR: I mean come on dude I'm at least famous enough to be in one of those stupid gossip rags by now
GG: wait
GG: wait wait shut up
GG: can you see me too?
GG: I'm waving dude!!

[Andrew]: Try to wave to Ray through the screen.

Spoiler

IR: What? See you?
IR: I can't see anything all I've got is this dumb little black box
GG: what!! oh man

Spoiler

GG: dude I can totally see you
GG: you're sitting at your computer
IR: That's not exactly hard proof. I mean any one could have guessed tha...Actually, you know what, I guess this is the part where I have to stereotypically act like the foolish pessimistic troglodyte, unawares of the incredible events around him and steadfast in his belief that the world is no wider than his own doorstep. But frankly at this point the skepticism center of my brain's running a little thin.
GG: And for some reason you've got a weird robot propped in your doorway??
IR: Yep, there it is. So I guess whatever this game is it gave you access to Buttlop's spy satellite network.
GG: so, so you're saying you can't see me at all on your screen?
GG: this isn't a two-way boogie
GG: ???
IR: No not at all
IR: This makes sense though from what I read
IR: And by read I mean deciphered from very simple swiss style instructions.
GG: well obviously those were full of holes
IR: They were as delicious as they were refined
GG: it was probably dobule-sided printing right?
GG: those swiss never take sides in anything
IR: alright enough being retarded. as good as I am at it
GG: man don't be hard on yourself bro i'm just sitting here with my mind blowed man
GG: man
GG: just
GG: blowin
GG: my
GG: mind
GG: like that gin-soaked baroom queen in memphis blew my nose
IR: Well I guess it's cool that this game lets you see me through spy technology
IR: But that still doesn't help me at this point. I guess it doesn't let you do anything else? Can you fire lasers?

Spoiler

IR: Holy hapori! What was that???
GG: ha ha ha ha wheee!
GG: i clicked on you bro!
GG: ha ha ha ha have a taste of my click
GG: ahahaha wow this is way more fun than it should be

[Andrew]: CLICK CLICK CLICK!

Spoiler

IR: Okay okay yeesh!
IR: god that kind of hurts
GG: oh am I too rough baby?
IR: well...I'll be honest, it kind of felt good at the same time.
GG: well I'll just keep on feelin you up here, then
IR: but seriously there's gotta be more you can do than just send telepathic facebook pokes
GG: hold on this buttn looks neat

[Andrew]: Well, what are you waiting for push a button.

Spoiler

GG: whoahhhohh
GG: haha whoops

Spoiler

GG: ugh sorry bro i am pretty Not Good at this
GG: but I guess the scroll wheel zooms?
GG: GUESS I'M LEARNIN THINGS
IR: you're gonna pass this class with flying colors aren't ya buddy
GG: haha if 'flying colours' means 'D-'
IR: that's still passing
GG: man I can't even begin to understand what all these buttons are supposed th be for
IR: what do the say?
GG: uh
GG: this one says "constractionalate" or something iunno
IR: sounds like a stupid made up word if i ever saw one......

Edited by Hans Zimmer, Sep 09 2012 - 02:20 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Andrew]: Deconstitute the Earth.



In your somewhat emotional state, you make an impromptu decision to do a little experimenting, using one of the buttons you clearly don't understand yet on the very planet itself. Even though you don't know what it does, your mastery of the ENGLISH LANGUAGE tells you that it almost definitely won't destroy the world enitrely.

Fortunately for you, your headfirst plunge into the realm of rugged cowboy-style empiricism is halted in its crazed gallop by the fact that your cursor can't really select something that large. Instead you just manage to delete a small portion of Idaho that nobody will really miss.

[Ray]: Look at screen



You change your viewpoint in an abrupt fashion to check out the incredibly interesting thing happening on your screen. The incredibly interesting same thing that has been happening for the last few minutes. Wow!

[Ray]: See if BZPstuck is back up.



While you're looking at things that haven't changed, you decide to see if your favorite internet forum has come back online.

HUH! As yours eyes GLANCE DOWN AT THE DATE, you feel a sense of calm in your heart, because you know that the WEBSITE WILL BE BACK SOON. I mean, how long could a few upgrades take?

Okay actually now you're getting pretty angry about this. Maybe you just want to check to see if your comic's gotten a few new replies. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK???

[Ray]: Punch computer screen




This is exactly why you need to learn to control your emotions. You see what happens when you let out the INNER RAGE??

[Andrew]: Click and drag ray into the Constractionate button



You're pretty sure this program works by clicking the button then using your cursor, but whatever! You press the CONSTRACTIONATE button.

[Andrew]::::



uhhhh whoops!

[Andrew]: Wonder what to do next.



Okay you do that...

[Andrew]: Do something completely different



Of course! the answer is so simple you're amazed it took any thought at all! The answer is always press different buttons! Move over Bryan, there's a new super sleuth in town.

[Andrew]:play dress up with ray and put the master cheif helmet on him.



hehe there's no WAY this will fit on his head! Man this is gonna be HILARIOUS!

[Andrew]: Deconstitute.



Guess you know what that button does now! Uh oh, he looks pretty upset.

Edited by Hans Zimmer, Sep 11 2012 - 12:58 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: attempt to rebuild your helmet




You're going to, but before you grab those pieces, you need to give Andrew a PIECE OF YOUR MIND.

Spoiler

IR: I cannot BELIEVE you just did that.
IR: Do you know how limited of an edition that helmet was? Do you realize how long I spent waiting in a line, tapping my foot, looking at my watching, and sighing heavily just to see it keep moving at the same granular pace?
GG: haha nerd
IR: said the guy who met me through a children's toy fansite
GG: hey man LEGO Bricks are all about peace and construction, you can't say what about your killer machine man space gun dude or whatever his name is
GG: that*
IR: Look man this helmet's gotten me through some tough times through the years. My head wasn't always this big!
GG: what
GG: isn't that game like
GG: only a few years old
IR: Oh look who's suddenly the GAME EXPERT. Excuuuuuuse me princess!
GG: whoa man whoa i ain't claimin to expertise in anything here man, you've gotta calm yo tubercles brother
IR: Oh right, calm down, let's all join hands and sing kumbaya and that will fix everything RIGHT??? God man your philosophy is just such a blast of hot air billowing right into a stupid swine-made house of sticks and mud and YOU KNOW IT.
GG: oh #### you

[Ray]: Eat the pieces.



ARGGH. THAT GUY. Okay, come on man, let's caaaalm it down a bit. You look at these weird bricks that appeared. If you're honest with yourself These Lego pieces do look like delicious gummies but you have learned a long time ago what problems sticking pieces of Lego into your various orifices will cause. Instead you reach for them to try and rebuild your beloved helmet.

[Ray]::::



The pieces disappear when you try to touch them. It seems they were merely a gaming abstraction! Huh. Weird! At least you won't have to worry about stepping on them when it's dark.

[Ray]: Build a phaser and set it to stun.



Ray can't build anything, he's not the SERVER! Only Andrew can build things right now. There may be a way for you to make some awesome things, but if there is you have not yet discovered it.

[Andrew]: Stick the helmet pieces into the piece reclamatory.



Ugh! You don't even remember what stupid button was the Piece Restarter or whatever, and even if you did Ray already made the pieces disappear. You hover over one of the dumb buttons and see a bunch of dumb looking gizmos. How dumb!

Yeah, you're still pretty angry about Ray's outburst.

[Andrew]: Follow instructions and separate your pieces by type.



Oh, here's the reclamatory. Looks like you already did that. And by did that you mean let an automatic process take place that does that for you. You also make a note that it appears building the wall earlier has depleted some of your ivory pieces. How observant of you!

[Andrew]: remember about the fire

Spoiler

GG: look i'm sorry about your spaceman helmet but we KIND of have some more important things to worry about remember?
IR: Man who even cares.
GG: fine die in a fire you useless blockmuncher
IR: Sorry. I guess I'm just being a little emotional about all of this.
IR: Yeah, it's probably a good idea to stop the fire before we get back to our important schedule of destroying all my prized possessions. Hey, maybe you could toss my bed into the flames and see if that will smother them??

[Andrew]: Use Constractionate to make Ray's room into a maze



You know what? You've had enough of his attitude. You concentrate really hard to try and make a maze to keep him out of your hair while you save his stupid life. You are incredibly successful.

Spoiler

IR: ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? LET ME OUT OF HERE NOW.
GG:: like ######. i'm saving your life and you ain't stopping me brosef
GG:: deal w/it
IR: Come ONNNNNN

[Ray] Bash fists on the wall until something happens.

You try to punch the wall down. You are incredibly unsuccessful.

Edited by Hans Zimmer, Sep 12 2012 - 03:54 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Andrew]: Deconstitute all the parts of Ray's house that are on fire

Spoiler

GG: okay let me see if I can
GG: put out this fire
GG: uh
GG: oh whoops
GG: okay if I click uh, decons...whatever, and then click the fire, and I

[Andrew]::::

Spoiler

GG: wait uhhh

[Andrew]::::

Spoiler

GG: ####

[Andrew]: Build an aftbricator in the bathroom

Yeah, you TOTALLY meant to do that!

Have you mentioned that you're not good at video games?

[Andrew]::::

Yeah, you TOTALLY meant to do that too!

Have you mentioned that you're REALLY not good at video games?

Actually, this gives you an idea.

[Ray]: Walk out of stupidly easy maze



Hey it's not as easy as it looks okay! That bookshelf there is in the way of just going around!

You climb over the wall instead.

Spoiler

GG: wait! wait, ray, I've got it!
GG: ray, ray i need your help
GG: go to the bathroom
IR: Oh come on dude!! Gross!!
GG: and turn on your tub

[Ray]: Go to the bathroom.

Spoiler

IR: Dangit Arthur where's my toilet???
IR: Ugh, I'm completely exhausted of freaking out. You know what, I'm just going to go ahead and accept any and all future destruction of my house with grace and beauty. I will be the queen of the rubble, waving quietly to her broken down subjects.
IR: Hellloooo! [/queen]
GG: hey man you need to be more sensitive about stuff like that - you know TD and CP worship her majesty!!
IR: Yes that is definitely a 100% true fact about all Canadians ever.

[Ray]::::



You fill up the tub, as requested.

[Ray]: Get the sudden urge to moo like a cow.



This command makes you suddenly get the urge to force your head into the tub. You barely resist the urge.

[Andrew]: Be the hero.

Spoiler

GG: All right brother here we go, it's time for hero mode

[Andrew]::::

[Andrew]::::

Spoiler

GG: Hahahahaha!!! I did it!
GG: EAT IT
IR: And all it took was the complete destruction of my home.
IR: Well, I guess it could have been worse
IR: thanks for saving my life
IR: I guess
GG: you're welcome
GG: I know it's such a drag

[Andrew]: Be an expert at video games

You are SUCH the expe-oh come on how did that even happen.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Let it sink in. Let it all sink in.



Haha. Sink, because you're in the bathroom right? That's a real knees slapper! Between this cornball stuff your subconscious is throwing at you and the high velocity porcelain projectiles your friend is throwing at you, it'll be a miracle if you ever get this cheery smile off your face.

[Ray]: Investigate new additions to your house



Well, while you're here, you might as well see what's inside this strange new addition.

[Ray]::::



Wow. This sure looks complicated! Whoever designed this place must have spent a long time on it.

[Ray]: Do science to it



This is how you science right? Touching things and hoping something happens?

[Ray]: Move it along



Unfortunately, you heard more than one large 'thump' earlier. You're just betting he placed more than one of these gizmos around here. You leave the bathroom and move to the living room.

[Ray]: Press button on mast-thingy



Now THIS is more like it! No complicated gizmos or weird intricate machinery. Just a man, a button, and an incurable desire to press it no matter the consequences.

[Ray]::::



When you press this thing it makes a lot of clunking noises that sound like some kind of gigantic ice dispenser on one of those soda machines. Your gums are already salivating at the thought of enjoying another fresh brew of CANNICUS GENERICUS. You drool a little and don't even care.

[Ray]: Release your ANGER!



It makes some clunking noises, like it's stuck. Well, only one solution to this obvious problem. Time to punch it!

[Ray]::::



WHY DO YOU KEEP USING THE SAME HAND ARGHHH! !

[Ray]: Ragequit!



You couldn't care less what sort of delightful nectar might be hiding in this couch-massacring device. You're out of here. PEACE.

[Ray]::::



[Ray]::::

Edited by InnerRayg, Sep 19 2012 - 12:51 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]::::



You return to your room. Oh what the heck here's another one of these fifty things.

[Ray]: Tear down posters to reveal secret safe tunnels.



Oh but you could NEVER do that! You love this poster more than you would really care to admit. You got it from a guy with some pretty shady connections, and ever since it has served as a totem that keeps you tethered to reality even as the world threatens to throw you under the crazy train that is life. Sure, you know where you hope this life will take you, but you can't be sure you'll ever get to go as far away as you've dreamed. But you guess it doesn't really matter. How can anyone matter when we are all such an insignificant part of this intricate world humanity has created together? The question rages inside your mind as your face drifts throughout the many levels of reality you experience, those inside your own mind and those outside it, and those beyond. After all, how can you be so sure these strange hallucinations you've been having all day have not been more? This game has already changed so much of your perception of reality, it's no wonder you are questioning everything else you knew. Things like this poster are the few anchors you have left to cast off this crazy ship ride you are on, and though your sails have long since collapsed there is a small sliver of promise in the drift of the ocean itself moving you towards something greater. You have only to gaze out on the beauty of the sea and see it, but even as you gaze upon it, it all begins to fade, like something from a dream. The only thing that fails to fade is the pixie like beauty of the incredible Ellen Page as Ariadne, who weaves her spell around you every time you see those questioning eyes gaze into yours. Oh what a daring dream, to be the one to playfully trick her into a kiss instead of that upstart Joseph Gordon Levitt.

That's strange, you've forgotten exactly what you were ruminating on? As quickly as it came it disappeared, like something from a dream.

[Ray]::::



You step into the FORESCANNER's main room. Your isometric view also conveniently switches so that you can see the nifty devices there in the front. Look more stuff you don't understand at all, neat!

[Ray]: Wonder how you can fix everything



You leave the weird new room and stare at the wreckage of your room. Debris covers the floor. Strange walls sit akimbo to one another, lazily drafted in such a way that they make navigation impossible. It's hard to see what was once a place of refuge so desolate and alien. Still, if you're honest with yourself there's a small part of you that finds this destruction rejuvenating. No, more than that. Freeing. This place has been less like a home sometimes, and more like a prison. Daily strifes with robotic monsters, a cold veil of silence from a once jovial sibling, and an undercurrent of fear that something darker still lurks underneath. Maybe you were unfair to Andrew. Maybe this isn't so bad.

[Ray]: Talk to somebody about all this.



You try TD, but it seems he is amiss. Likewise, your best buddy GP has his away message on. PI hasn't been answering anybody's messages for awhile. You could try MM, but she's probably not the best one to ask about this right now. And of course you would never even consider aggravating CP for help. she'd just do unspeakable things to you. You don't actually consider going to ID. He's a good friend...he helped save your life...but all the same, lately you feel a small shiver every time he sends you a message.
Guess that leaves only one person. Wow. This is kind of making you nervous. Is that sweat on your palms? Focus Adams focus!

Spoiler

IrritableRevenant (IR) began aggravating warwornArbalest (WA) at 12:45 PM CST

IR: Umm hey
IR: do you mind
IR: uh
IR: if I talk to you for a second
WA: hey, remind me, who are you again?
IR: Okay so
IR: I've been playing this game with Andrew, and I guess it turned out to be a little more immersive than what I was expecting.
IR: and I guess I was kind of in a panic because this fire was threatening to turn me into a delicious pizza hot pocket dinner roll
IR: and he managed to save my life, but in the process he sort of messed up my house pretty extensively
IR: and I was really mad about it, and I sort of said some things that
IR: um
IR: maybe I shouldn't have
IR: and
IR: wait
IR: you don't know who I am?
WA: well i think it's fair to assume everyone likes pizza hot pockets, hombre
WA: and your name was on my acquaintances list
WA: but i don't believe i've actually made your acquaintance
IR: oh okay
IR: well
IR: you remember that guy
IR: Andrew?
WA: Andrew Arthur? of course, the long legged guitar pickin' man
WA: i am quite familiar
IR: well I was there
IR: for
IR: well
IR: your last show together with him and the Predacons
WA: oh
IR: >>
WA: that one was quite a gas. did you dig it?
IR: yeah!
IR: wait sorry I guess that's kind of insensitive
IR: ugh why do I always have to say the worst things
WA: hey it's perfectly alright, don't rattle your cage about it
IR: you really don't remember me? Dark hair, alien t-shirt, large eyebrows?
WA: well there were quite a few folks there so i can't really place you, but don't worry. mayhaps something will jog my memory
WA: anyway, let's get to the bottom of this conundrum. what were you doing with Andrew, again? you got into an argument?
IR: Well alright, I basically told him that his entire hippie schtick of peace and love was nothing but a flighting fancy made for the deluded, little more than a buildup of stupid that would soon be washed away with the frigid waters of stone cold reality
IR: in so many words
WA: yikes, that's... not very cool if you at all
WA: sounds like something that could really rustle his aura
IR: Well yes but you see we were playing this game called Lego Multiverse and he totally destroyed half my house!
IR: I mean I was in the heat of the moment and I've been really angry lately because I haven't been sleeping well and I punched my monitor for some reason and sure he was trying to save my life..
IR: ugh I'm an afthole aren't I
WA: when we cast our love into the sea of human emotion, sometimes what we catch is in fate's hands
IR: I never asked to be a fisherman on such a sea as this
WA: are we thinking of the same Andrew Arthur? the Andrew i know doesn't really play games...
WA: strange he'd start playing them now...
IR: haha yeah that's kind of why things got so messed up
WA: wait, did you say Multiverse? i think i've got something like that!
IR: Wait really?
IR: That's...strange
IR: It's supposed to be uh
IR: pretty exclusive
WA: hey hermano, you don't think i'm in with the in crowd?
WA: i'm pretty hip with the underground video game scene, if i do say so myself
IR: Oh I know you are
IR: you're the coolest
IR: um
IR: I mean your music is cool
WA: hey thanks. being in the band was a blast, really. glad you could hear us before we split
WA: you know what? you're a cool cat. i like the cut of your jib
WA: maybe just because you're throwing some divine compliments my way
WA: but let's try and fix this problem with king Arthur, okay?
WA: i'll even let you be Guinevere
IR: haha does this mean you're willing to be my knight?
WA: i kind of want to be excalibur, you know? the key to the whole story, somewhat? hanging out, lodged in a stone until it's my time to shine...
IR: And if we're both talking about the same Andrew than surely you mean QUEEN Arthur.
WA: oh my, let's not get carried away
IR: I'm just
IR: not very good at apologies
IR: but maybe you could let him know for me that I'm sorry?
IR: you seemed like you were really good friends uh
IR: before
IR: o.o
WA: i think i can swing that
IR: That would be pretty awesome of you. Thanks, and I'll let you know if I have any friends in the future I need you to apologize on my behalf to
IR: and hey if you have that game
IR: uh
IR: maybe we could play it sometime??
IR: Not that we have to if you don't want to
IR: I mean it's just a dumb videogame
IR: and who plays a lego game honestly
IR: so lame
IR: just
IR: really lame.
WA: i'll see what i can do about our pal Andrew
WA: and then we'll worry about the game, okay?

IrritableRevenant (IR) ceased aggravating warwornArbalest (WA)

Edited by InnerRayg, Sep 20 2012 - 02:39 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Flirt harder



Haha you don't know WHAT you could possibly mean by that. You barely even know WA. How could you be infatuated with her and her awesomely rad style?? Just. So rad. Your sylladex flushes with embarrassment as it snaps up your smartphone.

[???]: HEY!



[???]: LISTEN!



[Ray]: Try to accept that a glowing ball of light with wings is talking to you.



Okay, a floating lightbulb is now talking to you. There is nothing strange about this whatsoever.

[???]: GREETINGS PLAYER!








[Ray]::::




You ask this strange glowing ball of light what wizard school it escaped from. It doesn't seem to understand the question.





...huh.

Edited by InnerRayg, Sep 21 2012 - 03:18 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Introduce yourself



You tell it your name is Ray. It seems very pleased. It calls itself "THE PROTOSTUD".

[Ray]: Be Navisnitch



Okay, it literally just said its called THE PROTOSTUD. See? The text there is bolded and flashing to make extra sure it sinks into the shallow pool that you call a cranium.

[Navisnitch]: "Help" Ray with vague hints.



I'M SORRY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.

[PROTOSTUD]: "Help" Ray with vague hints.



Looks like this is right up the Protostud's alley. It is like, ALL ABOUT helping. It'll help you right under the table or by George its name isn't NAVISNITCH.

[PROTOSTUD]::::







[Ray]::::





Threat to your life? Oh you see, it must mean the fire. You will let it know that you've managed to bungle your way into a solution for that already.







I'M SORRY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.

[Ray]: throw chess set into the glowy thing.



You're definitely ready to throw something into this nincompoop! Chess set's all the way in the living room though, so you'll have to remember to head that way at some point. This ridiculous fairy is obviously not very bright. You're going to have to try and use obvious key words with it.

[Ray]: Wonder as to how you will repair your house.



You don't have to wonder! You already have an idea. You let this floating tinkerbell know that THE THREAT HAS BEEN MITIGATED. THE WORLD HAS CEASED REJECTING YOU. Instead, you want to know if its power can be USED TO REPAIR YOUR HOME.

[PROTOSTUD]: I'M SORRY,



[PROTOSTUD]: IT SEEMS YOU ARE MISINFORMED!



[PROTOSTUD]: THE THREAT HAS NOT CEASED!



[PROTOSTUD]::::



Leave...this world?



Surely not. It couldn't mean. No. Way. OH MAN! You can barely contain your excitement. In fact, you completely fail to contain it and your modus doesn't fail to take note. Looks like this fantastic beast is coming with you on what promises to be an awesome adventure

[Ray]::::



You excitedly ask the little bug HOW YOU CAN LEAVE THIS WORLD. Even though it's obvious by now that it is little more than automated program with no thoughts or emotion, you still get the sense that it is rolling its eye at you. Of course, it says, the only way to escape is to pilot your vessel to the stars.



Vessel? Could that be what all these weird gizmos are for? To fly away? Could you be on the first step to your very own intersteller journey?? The mere thought makes you shudder a little with joy.

[Ray]: hug the protostud



You can't help yourself. Having your dreams come true like this fills you with such joy you give ole' Navisnitch a great big hug. Whose a good lightbulb? Stop struggling! What do you mean I'm CRUSHING YOUR WINGS you silly little prankster! Have a noogie.

[PROTOSTUD]: BUT BEFORE YOU CAN LEAVE



[PROTOSTUD]: IT HAS ONLY ONE POWER SOURCE

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Fall in love with the new additions to your house.



This is just too spectacular for words. It's like winning the lottery and then finding another twenty dollar bill on the ground. Whatever this beautiful vessel is, if it runs on you making up stupid stuff you'll be able to fly for FOREVER.

[Ray]: Try using IMAGINATION



Alright, so...I guess if you just imagine something really, REALLY hard it will fuel this thing? That's AMAZING! IMAGINATION IS AMAZING!

[Ray]::::



Wow, ouch. You are NOT used to making faces like that. Better stick to angry looks if you can help it.

[Ray]: Imagine that there is gas in the tank. Problem solved.



This is the best idea anyone has ever had.

[Ray]::::



Predictably it does nothing.
Or maybe you're just not IMAGINING hard enough!!

[Ray]: Imagine HARDER!



IMPOSSIBLE!!

[Ray]::::



Wow, look how much you achieved. This panel is literally identical to the one two pages ago. Good job champ.

[Ray]::::



Perhaps this machine requires something a little more concrete? But..you don't have any paper available, so you guess you'll experiment with the wall. You pull your marker out of your Tool Cache. Remember the Tool Cache? It's still there. It didn't go away or anything. Look, the amount of ink drops has even decreased since you last saw it because you used the marker in that fight in your kitchen! It sure is great how this system keeps track of such small details like that. I'll bet you would never have even NOTICED such great continuity if not for this utility!

[Ray]: Draw unicorns on the wall, caveman-style.



On a whim, you begin by creating a spectacular scene of fantastic beasts roaming the fields, equine whinnies snorting across the plains as horn-tipped foreheads dip down to sample the delicious flora that lies beneath this majestic wonder's sodden hooves. Their manes rip through the sky like ivory blades dancing across a blue cloth, delicately caressing it but able to slice it into tatters with even the simplest flick of their mighty necks. These unicorns are the masters of their domain, gentle beasts and ferocious protectors all in one serene form. Is there anything more exquisite than watching their bodies heaving with effort as they gallop? Anything more enticing then the imposing stature they strike against the trees? Look at those snouts. Look at those teeth. Look at - OKAY OKAY geeze you can't keep going on like that. You're not fooling anybody, everyone knows that horses are the ugliest animals on the face of the planet. God you hate horses. Especially fake made up horses. You get tired of drawing these dumb things almost as soon as you start and draw a derpy looking one instead. Stupid pony!

This marker's going to come off, right?

[PROTOSTUD]: Be useful



The Protostud is not a thinking entity. It is merely an amalgamation of programmed responses and algorithms. Despite this, it still kind of thinks you're making a fool of yourself and though this vessel is yours, it still thinks it is in pretty poor taste to desecrate it in such a way. You'll get a chance to do that later on after all.

[PROTOSTUD]: I'M SORRY RAY.




[PROTOSTUD]: IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO SIMPLY FORM THE THOUGHTS IN YOUR MIND




[PROTOSTUD]: RESTRICTIONS ON THE CREATIVE PROCESS ARE NECESSARY




[PROTOSTUD]: THE DEVICES WILL AID YOU IN THIS PROCESS




[PROTOSTUD]: IF YOU CAN AMPLICATE MY FORM




[Navisn-I mean Protostud]: Give Ray a countdown timer



YOU MUST HURRY THOUGH. THE LIGHTNING STRIKES AROUND YOUR HOME WILL INCREASE EXPONENTIALLY. I CALCULATE YOU HAVE LESS THAN NINE MINUTES TO VACATE THE AREA BEFORE IT BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE TO LEAVE.


[Ray]: Check out what your LIL BRO is doing.



Well since it looks like you're suddenly on a deadline, you hurry to the living room so you can let your LIL BRO know what's going on. Even in his grumpy state of mind he will love this incredible news about getting to go to space in a sweet house rocketship. It also will be pretty awesome to uh...get a little bit further away from the death lasers the Protostud apparantly has. And of course, on the way you can CHOOSE AN ICON to AMPLICATE THE PROTOSTUD'S FORM.

Whatever those dumb words are supposed to mean.



Oh what's this? MM's sending you a message. The idea of getting to jam with such an amazing artist should make you feel just inadequate enough to be embarrassed. That should convince this modus to let you use the phone.

Edited by InnerRayg, Sep 25 2012 - 02:25 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Answer

Spoiler

MoochyMensch (MM) began aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 12:53 CST

MM: oh man
IR: Boy tell me about it
MM: i'm gonna hold on
IR: Wait I'm oh manning about this seriously ridic news I just got, what are you oh manning about?
MM: oh man what news?
IR: You're gonna think this is a joke from one of those hilarious fake news rags you read but I'm telling you the 100% fresh, grade A truth. The chicken that hatched this egg was made out of veracity itself, and that fluffy butt of honesty is about to envelop your world.
IR: I, Raymond Adams, will soon be leaving this planet to travel the stars, heading on a journey to visit distant galaxies and face the galactic counsel of alien overlords to speak on humanity's behalf, so that we may finally take our rightful place in the order of the universal cultural exchange. I've already reserved a dinner table for us at the restauraunt at the end of the universe. I hear it's beautiful this time of year.
MM: holy moly
MM: that
MM: is so awesome
MM: it has to be true
IR: Alright, so I may have made a few exaggerations there.
MM: hmmmmmmmmm
MM: color me
MM: shocked
MM: aight raygun gotta stop you before you get wound up in another story
MM: i gotta stop avoiding this
MM: i need to talk to you for a bit
MM: serious time
MM: you remember andrew?
IR: Name rings a bell, yes.
IR: Do you know he destroyed my house?
MM: oh man he didn't tell me that
MM: but it sounds like maybe you
MM: said some stuff to him
MM: that
MM: kind of hurt his feelings
MM: and he's not....uh....
MM: dealin with it well
IR: Yeah. I feel pretty bad about it honestly.
IR: but it's cool. WA's gonna solve this puzzle for me. She should be delivering my apology post haste.
MM: rock on man
MM: if she's involved then there's nothing to worry about
IR: Um...what do you mean?
MM: dude if you've never seen those two get synced into hipster mode you need too
MM: its beaut
MM: like watching a sunset
MM: they can just talk for hours about how good vinyl records smell nsuch
MM: they finish each others sentences
IR: Oh.
IR: Huh.
IR: I knew they were friends...I guess I didn't realize how close they were. Guess he needs somebody to talk music to who understands him
IR: I'll be honest when he starts layin down those paragraphs about how each note perfectly accents the next in that cool new Beatles album I sorta glaze over a bit.
MM: no doubt
IR: But then he does the same thing when I start talking about how beautifully designed some business card is or how precisely each pencil stroke is laid down in some drawing.
MM: haha i know man
MM: reminds me I should work on another comic soon
IR: When are you getting syndicated anyway? This stuff needs to be seen! You should be a star dahling, a star!
MM: oh mr. producer do you really think i could be a star?
MM: lil ole me?
IR: Stick with me doll, I'll make you FAMOUS!
MM: aw yissssss
IR: You should send them in to that veggie thing you love...the olive?
MM: the onion?
MM: haha I WISH!
IR: Alright well this has been fun, but I have a date with the wild blue yonder.
IR: Some of it was BS, but this part of it was true: I really am going to space.
IR: I'll be honest, I haven't been this happy in years.
IR: Maybe ever.
MM: wow, what a downer
MM: is this part of the game andrew said you were playin
IR: You know it? Lego Multiverse?
MM: bro i got a copy right here
MM: its pretty soggy though
MM: i told andrew i'd play it with him
MM: since he was so upset
MM: he kind of felt like he was
MM: messing it up
MM: so i told him to play with me
MM: instead of a PRO GAMER like you
IR: Huh, can that work? I mean...there are two disks...
IR: I guess hypothetically you could string along the server/client connections to make a sort of chain.
IR: If you're his server I mean.
IR: It'd be like MM > GG > IR
MM: if you say so
IR: Course hard to complete that chain without my server disk but oh well.
IR: You know what...actually I really like that idea! If this game works the same way for everybody you guys can all come into space with me!
IR: We'll finally be the crew of the Enterprise like we've always dreamed.
MM: i call seat warmer for captain kirk
IR: You should see if you can find someone else to be your server.
IR: But...maybe somebody pretty good with technology so that your house doesn't suffer too much damage.
MM: damage?
MM: you know that reminds me
MM: a little while ago I heard a loud bang and then some creaking noises
MM: under my house
IR: Um...it wasn't Pommes was it?
IR: Because frankly I could do without the details
MM: haha no way!
MM: Frites is awesome and adorable and the best thing in the world
MM: wanna see some pics?
IR: Oh...uh...dang this little blinky fairy is telling me I have to go get this ship on the road sorry!
IR: Next time!
MM: wait!
MM: aww....

MoochyMensch (MM) ceased aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR)

[Ray]: Uh.....wonder how the heck Lego Multiverse works



You don't really have the time to wonder. If your uncanny sense of time is correct, and it always is, you've got something like six minutes left to get the heck out of here!

[Ray]::::



...before something really bad happens

[Ray]::::



The lights once again go out. Not your bro this time though. The storm definitely did that.

Huh. Is that a note? Probably something even more cantankerous from your LIL BRO.


[Ray]::::



Yup.









[Andrew]::::



But before we get too ahead of ourselves...

[Andrew]::::



We find ourselves temporarily displaced to a few minutes prior

[Princess Grr]

[Andrew]: Now that the crisis is over, read the manual



Man, why are you even doing this. You didn't want to do this in the first place. This isn't your scene man; this isn't your scene.

You calm yourself with a few sips. You've helped save your buddy and that's good, and it's not like you demand he be grateful. Though. It could be nice.

Another sip. Anyway. For this moment you've got higher priorities than this ridiculous game.

[Andrew]: Ogle Desktop



Praise be to the lord David Bowie, King and Queen of Glam, Master of Soul, Lead of the Great Dance. The Magnificent Bowie bestows eternal joy in his Castle of Glitter for those who live a sexy enough life here on earth. Have you heard the good news? Here's a copy of Hunky Dory.

Or something like that. Mainly he's just a great musician who's made music in so many different genres and aced them all. You start playing "Life on Mars?" with Vinamp. Vinamp is a way better media player than Clue Kazoo. Sure, it's a much older program, but it's tried, tested, and true. It doesn't need any of that video support or cross-platform synchronization of whozits and whatzits. It plays music and accurately reproduces the sound with highest fidelity and anybody who things a music player should do more than that is a chump.

You have this argument with Brian regularly. You love Brian so much.

[Andrew]: Do something else heroic



#### that. You need booze.

[Andrew]: Contemplate the moral and ethical consequences of "Big Brother-ing" your best bud.





Moral consequences? I mean, this is more consentual vouyerism than "Big Brothering." It was his idea in the first place. This is going to be equal parts hilarious and sexy. You're gonna need a lot more happy juice - Ooo, is that Coppola Merlot? Oh yes, you're coming with princess Andrew.

[Andrew]: Let's Get This Boat on the Road



haha woah...okay hold on


[Andrew]::::



You know what let's take a li'l break here

[Andrew]::::



Hey while we're here let's just UNLEASH THE FREAKIN' KRAKEN

[Princess Grr]

[Andrew]: Call CardinalPuffin to brag about your accomplishments



Excuse me? Did I just hear you right MR. KRAKEN? You two have spent some good times together, but now you see this bottle doesn't really understand you at all. You're no braggart! You give it a stern look for misjudging your character so badly.


[Andrew]: Call CardinalPuffin now!



Alright little bottle, now you're just getting ornery. Take that!
Remember kids. Drink responsibly.


[Andrew]::::



Well, you've drunk your only friend. The only way you can make it up to the bottle is to call moochyMensch to wallow in your self pity just like it asked.

Spoiler

glamGuitarist (GG) began aggravating moochyMensch (MM) at 1:41 EST

GG: ugh
GG: #ugh
MM: ugh?
GG: #ugh #ugh #ugh #ugh #ugh
MM: what ugh
GG: ughalos. big money ughlas. platypus-looking motherughas.
GG: can a killa get an ugh ugh ugh ygh
GG: yyyyyyyygh
MM: goldangit
MM: what's wrong
GG: sorry ugh i ddin't want to brother you
GG: bother*
GG: sorry
MM: no, c'mon
MM: what got into your bonnet
GG: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
GG: wayyyy too much rum, for starters haha and i do mean for STARTERS haha
GG: ugh it's just
GG: i don't know, i don't know
GG: i don't wantr to complain and stugff but i'm
GG: not in a good place right now
GG: i got ~*~PrObLeMz~*~
MM: so i heard
GG: i don't know i'm playing that game withe ray, the lego thing, right?
GG: i don't know i mangeaged to put a fire out at his house but i'm i mean i'm terrible at the game as usual anf i'm just so fafraid, i'm alreayd screwing thigns up
GG: i'm going to ruint his for everybody!
GG: you know how i am with this stuff; everyboyd else just laughs it off :\
MM: you reckon?
GG: oh my god wouldyou drp the fake farmer talk already oh my god
GG: it's me
GG: you don't need to do the charade thing oh my god ugh
GG: .....sorry
GG: sorry, I'm sorry
GG: i'm so stressed out
GG: i miss you
MM: >:|
MM: y'all need to calm your grits
GG: oh my god
GG: i'm rolling my eyes so hrd right now
GG: 9_________________________9
GG: ha ha
GG: ughn
MM: this is who i am, i reckon, and y'all just gonna have to saddle up and deal with it
MM: bein up here does that to a lady
GG: >:\
GG: nop i know you
GG: you're the samew curly-haired brickhead i've always known
GG: thas the reason you don't use that fake horsewhippin talk with Ray
GG: yer a city slicker jus like me
GG: i reckon
GG: y'just moved out to them boondocks that's all
MM: yeah
MM: yeah well
MM: ok fer real, what's eatin ya
GG: ugh
GG: #ugh
GG: i just feel like i'm lettign everyone down already
GG: and
GG: i feel like
GG: id on't even know how to do anything jesus i don't know how to do anything right
GG: I,
GG: I'm so stressed out i'm losing my cool! i don't like that feewling. i'm not used to it
GG: i
GG: ray
GG: kind of
GG: iensulted me
GG: whooo, unleash the freakin kraken ha ha wheee
MM: woah now
MM: settle down there
MM: pardner
MM: you've been dippin in the watering hole, haven't you
GG: don'tcha know pardner
GG: drinkin makes yer problems go to sleep so's they can wake up ready to rock and frickin roll in the moroning
GG: ha ha! IMF UNNY
GG: :\\\\
MM: aight i think you had enough
GG: you dont underswtant
GG: he tolds me si was full of it, that tryihng to live a life of nomnviolence was bull
GG: and
GG: he's reright, isn't he/
GG: im full od it
GG: oh my god veryhting i believre isd spit
MM: horsesefrass
GG: hole on gotta crawl to my couch

[Andrew]: Wonder when your roommate will wake up.



Gotta...hic...make it outta this hallway before he wakes up. No TELLING how might take advantage of your vulnerable state!


[Ray]: Build a fort out of couch cushions



Wha...Did you say Ray? Chivas, you're almost as crazy as the Kraken. You build a fort out of the cushions that looks absolutely magnificent.


[Andrew]: Talk to cardinalPuffin



What a delightful idea! You love this bottle so much, it's so smart! And as if some unseen cosmic hand has summoned her forth just to speak with you, here she is! You respond to cardinalPuffin's message.

Spoiler

cardinalPuffin (CP) began aggravating glamGuitarist (GG) at 1:45 EST

CP: guy
CP: I've got it
CP: I'm knitting Huki and Maku dolls that really kiss
CP: it's going to be so adorable
CP: magnets, yo
GG: pfffffffftt
GG: why not maker
GG: HUKI and HAFU dolls that kiss! !11
CP: because that opens up a whole new can of magnet compatibility issues
CP: can't deny people their OTPs, after all
CP: but fine, just for you
GG: I'll buy twentrty
GG: WAIT
GG: Taksua.......and.......jala
GG: the MOST FLAMNG pair
GG: ;0
CP: alright, alright, it's on the list
CP: you did not, in fact, lay off the sauce, did you, guy
CP: comma comma comma
GG:
CP: I'm just getting this feeling
GG: guilty.. .
GG: you have thsdi annoyring tendency to be SRIGHT all the rime
GG: time
CP: yeah, it's such a pain
CP: wait, you're not actually playing, are you?
CP: are video games just that horrifying that you need to dull the shock somehow?
CP: consider the point made, sheesh
GG: YOU DNT UNDERSTAND A VIDEO GAME KILLED MY FATHER
GG: I MUST AVNEGE HIM
CP: okay, guy, I'm gonna be honest
CP: I'm just -barely- able to let that one go right now
CP: just that kinda day
GG: ...
GG: i'dm sorry
GG: its beena bady day
CP: I know
CP: I know you didn't mean anything by it
GG: yeahf
CP: it's just not really the kind of thing that ever goes away
GG: no, i know
GG: youu know i know
GG: mnan
GG: sooory i'm like this right now how are you
CP: not too bad, I suppose
CP: nothing's burning down or anything
CP: that's always awesome
GG: thst teminds me
GG: *reminds
GG: look, your know i trsut you more than
GG: well
GG: anywbody
GG: i gotta confess something to you
GG: i''m a little unsettled by this whole ggame thing
CP: you got used to the moving picture television box, didn't you?
CP: video games aren't real, don't worry
GG: no ######., no, see
GG: hoow much do you know about this game?
CP: as much as I can drag out kicking and screaming
CP: not as much as I'd like
CP: guy, what's going on?
GG: hokay
GG: trhis is goign to sound crazy
GG: the came affects reality
GG: game*
GG: and I DNOT MEAN THE DAVID BOWIE ALBUM
GG: which is honestly one of his lesser works but ssis still really good
CP: I'm not having a hard enough time believing that
GG: ???
CP: it's just, you say something like that, and I think about allllll the things I don't know about this game
CP: (like will it or will it not make my computer explode)
CP: and those 'this is crazy' bells aren't going off like they should
GG: Iii told you i coulds core a new sound/graphhics card for you man i know whweere to look
GG: like i'm telling you i knoo a dude
CP: no, I think I've got it
CP: if only to make ID stop spouting specs at me constantly
GG: that................GUY
CP: I know right
GG: what a doooooooooooooofus
GG: ugh
GG: no, ssee you don't understand
GG: the game is REAL
CP: so, like, some ARG thing?
GG: Argh???
CP: because I'm not obsessive enough for one
CP: never mind
CP: so
CP: how real is real?
GG: like
GG: llike
GG: i liiterqlly was watching ray and put out a fire inhis house
GG: like
GG: and
GG: i tjhnk i delete dpart og america
GG: of*
CP: you guys have too many states anyways
CP: wait wait wait
CP: fire?
CP: is everything alright over there?
GG: ray's housebwas on fire
GG: litke literally!
GG: i mean i put it out so it's cool now
CP: oh, okay
CP: that makes everything all better, obviously
GG: ://////
CP: completely negates the fact that
CP: yeah, it's hitting me
CP: I think I need a minute
GG: a minute?
CP: what, not enough time?
CP: since apparently houses are -on fire-
CP: and you're putting them out with -video games-
CP: tight schedule, I realize
GG: look i'm not fhgoing to prentend i unsterstand this ######
GG: to be hhonest
GG: i'm frightend
CP: I don't know what I can do
CP: don't even know what I should say any more
GG: i don't eeither
CP: well
CP: you put out a fire, right?
CP: just keep on doing that
CP: only proverbially
CP: god, I don't know
GG: well look
GG: i didn't want to scare you or anythingg
GG: i ,ean i would make a jjoke about you being incapable of fear but, you know, we know each a little to welll for that
GG: i guess i just wanted to ssayh
GG: ii mean
GG: ghh
GG: i just rwanted to say
GG: i'm rewally concerned about this game
GG: and
GG: i want to makee sure you play
GG: because
GG: well, becasue i'm afraid of what's goinf to happen to those who dont
GG: and furthermore
GG: yyou know i suck at this
GG: and right now
GG: i really coulsd use sometone to
GG: well
GG: watch my back
GG: nott o be needy or anything :||||||
CP: I'll be there
CP: just gimme a bit
GG: aighht nio worries
GG: i just don't want your house to burn down too aight
GG: or, at all
CP: that would suck pretty badly
CP: just keep playing
GG: yes, empress
CP: think shark, guy
GG: shhhhhhhark>
CP: wait, wrong one
CP: sorry
GG: i tTHINK for the moemnt
GG: i'll keep thinkin 'kraken'
CP: I swear I've finally got those down
GG: wink wonkl
CP: never change
GG: <3
CP: be careful out there
GG: you too
GG: later, yo
CP: later

Edited by Andrew Arthur, Oct 24 2012 - 08:53 PM.

[Princess Grr]

[Andrew]: Time for something completely different



Well this is interesting! It seems just for a change of pace, yet another girl is vying for your e-ttention. Is this another sophisticated young lady looking to catch your eye? You're just too suave for words buddy. At this rate you're going to chat up ALL the ladies.

You like to think you're so good at talking with them, they consider you just "one of the girls". God you hope they think that.

Spoiler

warwornArbalest (WA) began aggravating glamGuitarist (GG) at 1:47 EST

WA: hey big daddy
WA: i've got something on the front burner for you
WA: i talked to that guy
WA: ray
GG: THHAT guy
WA: he is feeling pretty blue about how he acted towards you
GG: nice rhyming, SIMON
WA: nice uncle garfunkel
GG: hhaha <3
WA: let this be the graceland of chats
WA: we will journey far and wide
GG: pooor boys n pilgrims w/ familiies and
GG: we are goin
GG: to graaceland
WA: 2graceland
GG: <3
GG: howw are your my friend
WA: darling i am quite alright, nothing's rattlin' my cage
WA: how are you?
WA: my traveling companion
GG: baby i gottta confess i have been ffffar groovier at ohter times
GG: imm
GG: a litle sauced
GG: had a little conversattion
GG: drank a litele red wine
WA: that is your life and also the song
GG: hhaha
WA: and that is also your mother
GG: what u saying about my mother, yo
WA: nothing, nothing, don't wet your rag
WA: i was just trying to croon to you
GG: haha ii know buddy
GG: no wories
GG: man
WA: man!
GG: i'm gettin prretty durnk
GG: dont tell no one
WA: slam durnk
WA: your secret's safe with me
WA: this bird won't sing
GG: ugh
GG: this day
WA: but come on cuzzin what's buzzin? what happened with this ray guy?
WA: yeah i don't really know who he is, he says he knows you
GG: uugh
GG: he said
GG: i;m full of it
WA: and what would make him say something like that?
GG: becdcuase he SUCKS ]:\
WA: cool it
GG: yreah
GG: yeah
WA: i don't know this cat well but he seems pretty alright
WA: doesn't seem like he would just spaz out of the blue
GG: we're both under a lot of dstress
WA: it's the game, isn't it? i'm cranked to play
WA: but not if it's getting you all riled up like this
WA: also ANDREW since when are you playin' games?
GG: since never :|
GG: since rray and Bunchacrunch Toffee convicted me to
GG: convinced*
WA: well it sounds like you're pretty frosted about it, are you not having fun?
GG: whole thing's like the man bringing me down
WA: well i know ray is feelin' pretty sorry about how he's acted
WA: doesn't that cheer your wazoo even a little bit?
GG: yeah?
GG: whatds he say
WA: man he was all up in my scene
WA: wallowing
WA: he's sore enough to chat up a near stranger, doesn't that say something?
WA: lil guy talked my ear off
WA: not to say i didn't dig it
WA: i mean
WA: maybe i did
WA: anyway it sounds like you two are normally so peachy keen
WA: i don't want to see you down in the dumps like this
WA: like you're losin' the reed to your bowie
WA: the sweet jane to your sweet head
WA: you know
GG:
GG: ray's a good guys
WA: do not frown at me buddy
WA: we used to have so much fun together
WA: jammin' the night away
WA: i hate seein' you so blue
GG: i miss that
GG: ray and i just hassd a fight
GG: wew ere playin that game
GG: thigns got sour
WA: maybe you should take a little break from the game
WA: clear your head
WA: bust out your axe
WA: do a little strummin'
GG: yeah :/
GG: man
GG: wish you could bee ehre to join me!
WA: we'd be made in the shade
WA: just try it, arthur, please?
WA: put down the bottle, channel those spiders from mars, those myths of fingerprints, those murder mysteries
WA: for me
WA: just like old times
WA: dig that sound
GG: that ol sound
GG: playingg imagine in the tehater basemennt
GG: singin after hours
WA: voices and chords echoing endlessly
GG: man why ainrt you visit me since i moved anyway
GG: im just a short metreo ride away, lady
WA: that's a good question
WA: but i think you already know the answer to it
GG: mm
GG: yeah
GG: ii should be the one schleppin oit to see you
WA: i don't have any uncomfortable roommates, so yes, you should!
WA: my dorm is always open, daddy-o
GG: hahha well let's meet for dinner soemtime at the ol' hibachi place on fairfax blvd eh
GG: annd then jam at yuor dorm
WA: jam up a storm in the dorm
WA: tones so warm
WA: swarmin' the musical norm like it's a perfect art form
GG: jus like old times
GG: mmn
GG: wsih things has fone differently
GG: gone*
WA: so do i
WA: so do i.
WA: but we can't change what's already happened, cat
WA: we have to look forward
WA: just like i know you're still pretty sore about what happened with ray
WA: but we both know you've gotta keep playin' the game
WA: don't place blame, rise to fame
WA: ignite the flame, take aim to stake your claim and honor your name
WA: sir arthur
WA: you've got to chin up.
GG: haha\
GG: yeha, i suppose
GG: sign
GG: wel listen
GG: lets do thids once the whole game bizness is over
WA: sounds divine
WA: we'll be playin' together soon anyway, right? if i can figure out how this darn thing works
WA: then we can jam
GG: dontr even bohter trying to gifure out how it works!!
GG: i maed that mistake
GG: MYSELF
WA: buster
WA: we'll just have to see how it plays out
WA: GET IT
WA: PLAYS
WA: IT'S A GAME
GG: DO
GG: HO
GG: HO.
GG: :ppp
WA: yeah you like it
GG: oh baby~
GG: u kno i do
WA: pushin' those buttons
WA: etc
WA:
GG: wink wonk ;
WA: someone at the door?
WA: who's there?
GG: more like
GG: WHOS NEXT
WA: woah.
GG: TEEEEEENAGE WASTELAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND
GG: haha OOPS iii gotts go I forgot abruot DA MOOCH I wasd talkin toooo
WA: okay bub
WA: it was wonderful talkin' with you
WA: good luck with your lego-ing
GG: thansk for the pick-me-up, palso
GG: and fro letting me know ray aint a shmuck
GG: i guess we were both a lil stressed out
WA: it happens, it happens

warwornArbalest (WA) ceased aggravating glamGuitarist (GG)

[Andrew]: Time for something completely different



Mmn. Not so much of an apology. Of course, knowing you, you're just going to accept it anyway and pretend like it never happened to keep from rocking the boat. Still it would be nice if he could at least say it to your face. You cap off the wine and return to the already well soaked shoulder of your curly-haired confidant.

Spoiler

MM: andrew?
MM: hello?
MM: where you at, kid D:<
GG: fffffffffngh
GG: iam not a kkidk
GG: KID
GG: im oldd
MM: you ain't old
GG: IKM OLLLLLD
MM: you're barely old enough to be chuggin that stuff anyway
GG: whaat
MM: you're pretty green, kid
GG: im 23 DNUKSSA
GG: ] ( (
MM: you ain't old
MM: and your beliefs ain't nothin to shake a steak at
GG: nnghhh
MM: don't listen to that feller
GG: ubt hes right
GG: he;s right
MM: hush
GG: you dnt udnedrsyand
GG: stand
GG: *
GG: iii
GG: i
GG: i foughtt my reoomate
GG: i
MM: yeah?
GG: hwo can i say i belllieve in paciddifsm
GG: pacifismm
GG: if
GG: i cnt even prasctise what i preach
MM: hm
GG: aand what absout this gamew
GG: iu mean
GG: duck i don't i dffffffont
GG: UGH
MM: what about the game?
GG: hghgnnnn
GG: im fmessing wevrything up
GG: god
MM: sez who
GG: shoot, i'm sorryrer
GG: i fdon't want to unload all this on you
MM: what no
MM: i've dealt with worse loads
MM: of manure
GG: i donff't want to just complain
GG: no, imn seresoius
GG: i appppppreciate you :/
MM: and i'd appreciate you playin this game wit' us
MM: you're a part of this here group
GG: """:\
MM: ain't nobody can say otherwise
MM: c'mon i'll play with you
GG: iim a wereck right nwo, myy moochy frend
GG: id ont' want to emss thigns up any more
MM: you ain't gonna mess things up if you put down that moonshine
GG: yeeah?
MM: yeah
MM: i'll be the yokebeast that tills the field
MM: you just gotta drop the seeds where i dug
MM: see it's simple farm thinkin
GG: yr no farmer ]:\\\\\
GG: i kno u
MM: this fresh idaho air done scrubbed my brain clean
GG: uuuuuuuuuu casdnt fol me
GG: yr a NUDE YORKER
GG: NEW**
MM: ]:|
MM: look just play the stupid game ok
GG: wel
GG: iff
GG: yo'ull play weith me
MM: i already said i would
GG: ii guess i coudl handle itr a little easier
MM: better'n you handle a jug
GG: hhahah
MM: put that handle of moonshine down and switch those disks
GG: welkl
GG: okkay
GG: ill put this one dwon
GG: but
GG: beer right back ok?
MM: no beer either ]:\
glamGuitarist has gone away
MM: that better not be more hooch i hear bein rustled up there
MM: pardner

[Andrew]: Drink 'til you drop and leave Ray to deal with his own problems.

Abandon Ray? Much as you might be miffed, you could never do that. But taking a break? Well considering he's out of danger for the moment, that sounds like a good idea. You grab the first disk and put it somewhere you're most definitely not going to forget about later once you've sobered up.

[Andrew]::::



Wow. This second loading screen is significantly less impressive than the first.

This thing is gonna take forever.

You think it's time...

[Andrew]::::



...for more booze.

[InnerRayg]

[Andrew]: Be the other guy.



Who...?

No

Surely not.

Surely you've not now become an author avatar in a desperately self deprecating comic based on what is already a thinly veiled stand in for said author and his friends. There's no way this comic could have fallen so low so quickly.



Yet here I am. That's right. I'm the star. It's me. You can do nothing but weep softly into your brick pile as I wrestle this narrative dough into an even more twisted pretzel of a shape. Watch silently with the eyes one wears when viewing some tragic accident moments away from occurring on the highway of your life as I dig this treasure chest of shame even further down into the mud. This is your world now. This is only the beginning of the despondance I am about to unfold in your mind's eye with my nickel plated tongue. Mmmm. You smell that? That dough we twisted up earlier's starting to bake. Smells delicious.

[IR]: Imagine that the audience is in their underwear.



Who do you think you are exactly? You think you can just tell me what to do now? Sorry buddy but this comic's not big enough for the both of us. There can only be one guiding force for this train wreck to be!

I begin to imagine that you're in your underwear of my own volition and for no other reason.

[IR]: Become suddenly attracted to your readers.



Ohhhh Myyyyyyyy

[IR]: Experience Foreshadowing



I am going to now foreshadow that stuff's about to get STUPID.

Stupidly AWESOME.

Don't believe me?

[IR]: Boom.



Check out what I've been doing!


[IR]: ROASTED



Happy 500ish page everybody!

Anyway. Back to Andrew then.

Edited by InnerRayg, Oct 24 2012 - 08:45 PM.

[Princess Grr]

[Andrew]::::



You find yourself outside. You...guess you walked out of your apartment door? What were you doing again?

Oh right. Booze. Time to go the market!

[Andrew]::::



Good thing you live right above one.

You'd like to say that the excellent Korean market below you was the deciding factor of why you got this place, but it was just a fringe benefit. Your under-the-table (is is that through-the-wall?) rent deal is the sole reason you can afford this place.

[Andrew]: Contemplate the meaning of free will

Ah, that free will, that truism of our lives, the one constant amid the gentle indifference of the universe. So like ourselves, so like a brother really. Such a Sisuphysian task is this life, but it is our own boulder we push.

Camus spoke much about free will and choice. If the world is absurd - a feeling wont to strike on any street corner, no less - then we have no purpose, and have only our choice, and nothing more. Should I take a lover late in life? Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee? It can be daunting or macabre at first consideration, but there's no need to fall into existential crisis, really. If there's no meaning to life, then your life means nothing save what you wish it to. Your life is your own. You can make your choice be to live it.

Sometimes it means dealing with consequences of choices. Sometimes you may deem yourself to have made mistakes. Sometimes you wake up next to the wrong person. Sometime you have too much to drink.

But they're your mistakes and yours alone, and we all live and die in perpetual growth.

[Andrew]::::



Sometimes we make good decisions. Living in Chinatown was one of those.

It's always been your favorite neighborhood in the city. The food! The lights! The people! The international flair! The convenient metro stop at Gallery Place! You've got the glitz and the grit mixed together in one spot, and it's still directly adjacent to downtown. And did you mention the food? There's so much good food right at your doorstep.

Screw the monuments; Chinatown is where it's at.

[Andrew]::::

Ironically, you live right above the only Korean market in Chinatown. That's not to say there aren't other Asian restaurants in the neighborhood - you could name the addresses of a number of superb Japanese, Thai, and Vietnamese places - but on this block, the sign of Li's Market sticks out as the only hangul among hanzi.

It's not that unusual, of course, and you probably wouldn't have noticed yourself were it not for the ridiculous rumours that Li's Market was a front for a Korean mafia trying to gain a foothold in Chinatown. Which is just hilarious. Old man Li is the nicest guy and he gives you discounts on food just because he likes you. He's even cooked dinner for you a number of times just because he knows you love jap chae. You've been meaning to return the favor by making some ol' Irish corned beef and cabbage for him.

[Andrew]::::



Right next to old man Li's place is a Chinese restaurant called China Express. They're pretty decent (and have a good lunch special), but your go-to place for Chinese cuisine is further down the block, and Ming's, which is the best food in the capital.

China Express is really only of note because sometimes the rumors about Li's Market also insist that China Express, in turn, is a front for the Chinese mafia, and that the Korean and Chinese mafia are in some sort of territorial war, and it's all very silly. You live right above the two places. If there were some kind of mob war, you think you would have noticed by now.

[Andrew]::::



A familiar bell rings as you enter Li's Market. The old man is sitting in his usual spot behind the counter.

[Andrew]::::



You hear footsteps on the grating outside. Those are pretty usual; folks come and go from China Express regularly.

[Andrew]::::



You point exactly what you need. Some delicious soju should hit the spot!

[Andrew]::::

Soju is basically Korean vodka, but with slightly less of a bite and a slightly more full-bodied flavor, in your opinion. Whiskey may be your preferred liquor, but this will do quite nicely in a pinch.

Sure would be a shame if you didn't get to enjoy this bottle.

Edited by Andrew Arthur, Oct 25 2012 - 11:33 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Andrew]: Sing Kumbaya to end the violence



You know, I'll just bet that would work too. Too bad he can't hear you right now!

Anyway, when did a funny comic about Lego fans turn into a turf war between mafia families? What am I even writing? Man!

[IR]: Not you again!



YEAH ME AGAIN! Boy, I'll bet you're just on the edge of your seat right now. Andrew could be dead right now for all we know! Did you see all those bullets? Sorry, I meant "stun blasts". That's right, I forgot, in a Bionicle story none of the characters could ever have GUNS. That'd be RIDICULOUS.

Anyway, I'm sure he'll be fine. Maybe we won't even go back to him for a couple hundred pages since I'm so sure he'll be alright. How's that suit you?

[IR]: I'm going to stop reading now.



Yeah yeah, if my antics were enough to stop you reading you'd have been nothin but a dust cloud 504 pages back. Boy I'll bet you're just itching to find out what happens next with Andrew. Or maybe you'd like to know if Ray and his lil bro will manage to stop fighting long enough to get off this planet safely! Or hey, what about Brian? Wasn't he like pleasantly conversing with some dude who had just proven himself to be a cold blooded killer? Man It's been ages since we saw him! Poor guy must be so lonely without us there.

[IR]: You're just going to go to a new character.



Yep, those cliffhangers are all very enticing I'd say! Well, I think I've wasted enough of your time...Let's spin the wheel of fate and see who we're gonna get to follow this time!







[IR]: Told you.



Well I'll be! This young lady hasn't been seen for hundreds of pages. She's way past due for an introduction!

[IR]: Sigh.



Let me just move her over here so we can see her a little better.

[LehvakLah]

[???]::::



Oh man, who are you now?? You reckon you'll be needing a name lickety split!

[???]: Enter name



What? Potato Breath? Oh no it's not that bad is it??

[???]::::



Ooh, that's better. And yes, that is an awesome palindrome.

[Hannah]: Uh...Kanakanak?



You can't really control the NAKS.

[Hannah]: Do something.



Well, you suppose you could do the polite thing and introduce yourself. After all, You wouldn't be a southern belle if you didn't have manners!

Your name is HANNAH KANAKANAK. Sweet JESUS do you love French fries. Heck, you are plum over the moon about VEGGIES in general. Potatoes are just the perfect example of a vegetable. It's highly certain you have a CRIMINAL OBSESSION with those savory earth apples. You might as well face it.
You've recently uprooted yourself from the BIG CITY to become a SMALL TOWN GIRL in the spud-speckled fields of Idaho, for reasons that weren't in the least UPSETTING TO YOU. No sir, out here you can pick potatoes right out of the ground without stepping on ANYONE ELSE'S toes or plates or whatever. Truly breathtaking.
Yessir, the open country sure is a cozy place for a LAID-BACK lady like yerself. It really enables your tendency to arrange your stuff into PILES. Why, a girl could accumulate piles for miles out here! Your piling is a side-effect of your terrible PROCRASTINATION, and this unfortunately tends to cause you a little ANXIETY. You swore you wouldn't let THIS place become a pigsty, but such is the live of an ink-slinging cowpoke.
Did you mention you're a SKILLED CARTOONIST? Not to give yourself a swell head, but your comics are something of a LEGEND among your friends. You know, when you actually do them.
Carefully piled around your room are your various COLLECTIBLE CAPTURE CRITTERS, a franchise for a game you played passionately as a young'un. You may have come out here to start over as a simple farmer, but after taters, comics, piles and putting stuff off, VIDEO GAMES ain't ever gonna stop being your one true love. You are waiting for a NEW GAME to arrive at your dirtstep, and while you HIGHLY DOUBT it can entangle itself in your life the way those pocket monsters have, you're itchin' to join your friends in a round!
…Yee-haw!

[LehvakLah]

[Hannah] Eat a 'tater.



What 'tater?



You may have a problem.

[Hannah]: clean your room



[Hannah]: Investigate CD on the floor.



This ain't no CD! This here is a one of kind, limited edition copy of the finest animated entertainment the sunny shores of Canada has to offer. Not to say that this show is hard to find or anything - it can and should be purchased for a relatively affordable 22.99 CDN at your favorite online video peddler. What makes this one special is who sent it - none other than your long time pal, Brian.

This DVD was the second in a pair of gifts for you after a rather harrowing series of events that had you a little off kilter and in sore need of entertainment and nourishment. When it comes to helping his friends who are in trouble, Brian is simply the best there is.

[Hannah]: Inspect massive fire hazard.



Another thing to add to your list of things you love - these finely scented candles are wonderful. Not only do they cover up the musty scent of a live potato garden in your room, they also provide ample illumination for somebody who might have...forgotten to pay her electric bill lately.

[Hannah]: Set Pokemon pile on fire with candles



But you don't have a Pokemon pile! You used to, but these darn critters have managed to scamper themselves all about the room. You're gonna have to work hard to catch them all. Again.

[Hannah]: You wanna be the very best



[Hannah]: like no one ever was



[Hannah]: To catch them is your real test



[Hannah]: To train them is your cause!



[Hannah]: Arrange Pokémon plushes into a pile



There! That's more like it! It took a lot of walking through some rather tall shag carpet, but you managed to find and capture all of the little monsters in your area. You pile them proudly in a currently unoccupied space. Except one!

[Hannah]: cuddle clefairy



What's a Clefairy? Surely you don't mean your beloved PINKACHEW! Oh whose the cutest bestest little pink monster EVER?? Is it you? OH YES IT IS!

You leave Pinkachew in it's honored position atop your beanbag recliner for quick access during emergency cuddlings.

[Hannah]: Have a Pokemon party.



GOTTA BUY EM ALL, MARKETING!

[Hannah]: Recreate the great Squirtle-Tarakava war with your toys



The TORTAIL-Tarakava war was settled by a young heroic Turtail who managed to convince a turncoat agent who had betrayed his kind for the Tarakava to renounce his new masters and return to them through the use of some very cool, and very special FX heavy ancient weapons. The two then managed to remove the infected mask of the Rahi's Empororer and returned peace to the galaxy. You mean ocean. You mean your bedroom floor, that one time you watched Star Wars while eating those week old fries....Good times.

[Hannah]: Is that....Ashley Angel from O-Town?



THE Ashley Angel from O-Town? From TV's gift to pop music and the world O-Town?! Wow. He's like Jesus and the Beatles rolled into ONE! You're so jealous that one of your great friends got to meet this cultural icon, but knowing how jealous you would be if there were any prolonged physical contact between said friend and the famed pop star, a promise was made that there would be no touching below the eyebrows. That's when...you learned the terrible truth.


[Hannah]: He's a celebrity.



It turns out that celebrities are completely hairless. They digitally add the eyebrows later to make sure they make the right facial expressions. You'd been DUPED! She can be so devious sometimes.

[Hannah]: Find out where your microwave's power cord disappeared to



Your MICROWAVE's POWER CORD is, in all likelihood, still attached to your MICROWAVE in the MICROKITCHEN.

[Hannah]: Microwave a potato.



Well, you never can go long without the sublime taste of starch tantalizing your tastebuds, but that said it's gonna be hard to follow that command without any electricity.

[Hannah]: Microwave the Oddish.



Not MONDRAKE! What sort of madman could do such a thing to a cute little innocent plush critter.

[Hannah]::::



You wish you could whisk him away to the safety of a Sylladex.

[Hannah]::::



Sadly the MOOCH MODUS only allows you to swipe items already tucked away in somebody else's Sylladex.

[Hannah]: Microwave.



What in tarnation is this sudden fascination with tha MICROWAVE?? Ya ain't even in any sort of physical proximity to any device that could even be conceivably mistaken as a microwave! You're fixin' ta make a pact not to use one ever again if this here pesterin don't quit!

[Hannah]: Inspect red device that is definitely not a microwave.



What, you mean this here MOOCHIFIER 3000? Real piece of work, that. It's incredible really, even if it is something of an enabler for your crippling addiction to yoinking fries. It's the second gift Brian got for you after you moved out here...and you have no idea at all how it works. It sits independent of any power source. The viewscreen lets you see any location you desire, assuming you have the coordinates. Luckily he pre-programmed it with a few of your friend's locations, so all you have to do is press a button to see them on your screen. More importantly, it allows you to focus on any particularly delicious meals nearby and...borrow a few bites. You've tried to limit it's usage to desperate times. After all you came out here to be independent, din't ya?

[Hannah]: stick your head in that microwave-looking device.



Are you...sure this is a good idea? Okeedokee hoss...

[Hannah]::::



Predictably, it does nothing. It's a viewscreen, not a door!
But you knew that. I mean who doesn't understand how a MOOCHIFIER works, honestly?

[LehvakLah]

[Hannah]: Get ball pit and replace balls with potatoes



Now THAT idea is a gud 'un! To the INTERNET!

[Hannah]::::



Downloading Latrice Royale's browser was either the best decision you ever made, or the GREATEST.

[Hannah]: Don't get distracted.



You fail to not get distracted. It looks like your sister from another mister is online, and you can't resist giving her a polite "howdy". Looks like the potato ball pit is just another rotting carcass in the tomb of things unfinished.

[Hannah]: Pester CP.

Spoiler

MoodyMensch (MM) began aggravating cardinalPuffin (CP) at 11:11 MST


MM: howdy!
CP: why, hello, eh
CP: what's all this aboot
MM: ain't nothin
MM: figured i'd give y'all a holler
CP: you know I'm always down for that
CP: what're you up to these days out in Spudsville?
MM: same ol' same ol
MM: livin the good life
MM: one tater at a time
CP: man this talk of potatoes is refreshing
CP: keep going
CP: it beats more game talk
MM: like heck it does!
CP: oh for
MM: i got an itch and the only ointment is getting my game on
CP: I don't think that's how skin works
MM: all this fresh country air done cured all else what ailes me
MM: but sometimes a girl's gotta see her friends now and then, you know?
MM: er, pardner
CP: shucks, I can't blame you
CP: oh great, now I'm doing it, too
MM: doing what
CP: you know
CP: that twang thang
CP: kinda sounds a little silly coming from a big-city Canadian
CP: totally works for you, though
CP: don't get me wrong
MM: durn tootin'
MM: idaho's my callin
MM: big
MM: empty
MM: idaho
CP: well, except for all the potatoes
MM: can't be beat
CP: well, y'know, if you ever need anything out there, just lemme know
CP: trust me, I'm good for it
CP: hate to have you stuck out away from all civilization
MM: yeah
MM: i wouldn't want to get you in trouble though
MM: dig a hole for you, so to speak
CP: oh, I don't think you could get me in any more trouble
CP: just a little something to make amends for Eyebrowgate?
MM: hrrrm
MM: i guess >:|
CP: like you wouldn't've
CP: but I guess I feel a -little- guilty
MM: look it's not like i can blame you
MM: he IS like the beatles and jesus rolled into one
CP: pffft
CP: he's better
MM: welp
MM: time's a wastin'
MM: you know these ranches
MM: always needing someone to poke around them
MM: and some folks need a-feedin'
CP: that's the most important part of all
CP: I won't keep you
CP: laters
MM: adios

[Hannah]::::



Hmph. It could've been YOU getting accepted into Ashley Angel from O-Town's Spring Break Dance Academy too, an official Scholar Dancer under the watchful tutelage of Professor Angel himself. Ain't your fault some people were more regionally-gifted than YOU.

No touching below the eyebrows, your fanny.

[Hannah]: Think about the French Fries Eating Monster.



You try to think about the French Fries Eating Monster and fail because you're trying to be less self centered these days.

DOHOHOHO!

[Hannah]: Move Onua to the Pokemon pile.



Onua? Don't you mean POHATU? You swear you must be losing it. Next you'll be mistaking a PINKACHEW for a KLETHAIRY or something ridiculous like that.

[Hannah]::::



You place Pohatu on the Lego Pile's pinnacle.

[Hannah]: Take a whiff of them candles



MMMMMMMMMMMMM!

[Hannah]: Leave room to go get more French Fries



Come on, you can't do that. You know how this works by now! You can't leave the room during the initial introduction sequence! At the very earliest you have to wait till the big climactic flash at the end where something shocking and revealing happens and then....

[Hannah]::::



Uh....

[Hannah]::::



You...enter the next room. Alright then.

[LehvakLah]

[Hannah]:::: PETTHEPUPPY.

 

A domesticated DOG appears!

[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]::::

 

The DOG used CHARGE!

[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]::::

 

OH

[Hannah]::::

 

OH MY

[Hannah]::::

 

OH MY GOODNESS

[Hannah]:::: Pet your dog, French Fries



Your darling POMMES-FRITES bounds around the kitchen like red-pajamered rodeo clown in an attempt to corral your attention.

It's super-effective!


[Hannah]::::



His cute little BATTLE ENGAGEMENT FAKEOUT his way of trying to say that he's plumb famished. Time for a snackaroo!

[Hannah]:::: inspect dog food for any assassination attempts.



You sniff around, meticulously inspecting each kibble and every bit. Just to be safe, you pop in a handful.

[Hannah]:::: Pour that dog food.



Only the best!

[Hannah]:::: Inspect Moochifier

 

What Moochifier?

[Hannah]:::: Inspect Moochifier looking device

T'aint no Moochifier! This here's yer run-of-the-mill regular-style MICROWAVE. Not much good for mooching, only good for superheating the reaped spoils to a gummy, starchy stick.

[Hannah]:::: Microwave your beloved dog.

 

No.

[Hannah]::::





GAME OVER
 

Edited by LehvakLah, Dec 02 2012 - 03:23 AM.

[LehvakLah]

[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]: Try Again

 

Alright, you get one last shot.

 

You very carefully remember NOT to be so reckless with beloved family pets. You promise to never suggest they be put in microwaves, even if they've been sent back in time in a block of ice. Don't push your luck!

[Hannah]: Investigate slightly oversized stapler

 

You can't remember exactly who you mooched this neat office supply from.  

You mean found. It sure does come in handy though!

Hannah]: Give stapler to dog. Run.



[Hannah]::::

 

Go long, fella!

[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]: Staple all the things.

 

Eh....maybe later. You're gonna let Pommes keep the stapler for now.

[Hannah]: Examine fridge drawings.


 

Portraits, not drawings. Your artwork has graduated from fridge status - it's been a hard fight, but it managed to soar from the rank of MOMMY'S PRIDE to I'M IN LOUVRE in these last few years. You've hung some of it proudly over your art table over there to remind yourself of what you can achieve when you stop vegetating and actually do it - and sometimes it even works!
 
You firmly believe in the importance of drawing from life. Lucky you, to be graced with such perfect subject matter!
 

[Hannah]: See what's in the fridge.

 

 

You do declare you're feeling a might bit peckish. Let's see what's in the ol' icebox...

[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]::::

 

Yeah... probably a good idea to get away from that fridge. You guess you  
shouldn't leave food in there when you don't have electricity.

[Hannah]: Investigate the stack of... something on the kitchen counter.



Ah, your FRIED POTATO CUTTINGS RACK. Any Starchophillic expert would be a fool not to have one - it allows you to store your most exquisite vintages all together. Ooh... a classic bag of Pepsicolay's fresh, salty Pomme De Terre. Looks like this bag is from '97... a good year!

[Hannah]::::

 

Mmm. You must delicately waft the aroma. Drink it in.

 

Oh...that's intoxicating. A crisp, well-balanced nose, enhanced by saline notes and an earthy texture. Playful ridges add just the right amount of complexity to an otherwise classic body. Your refined palate even detects that overwhelmingly subtle hint of sodium, no doubt the key behind that spectacular aging.

 

You feel a stirring. A deep need in your soul to express the beauty of this finely crafted snackfood in some kind of physical form.

[Hannah]: Clean the dishes.

 

...Not that physical form. Woof.

 

You're not 100% sure those dishes aren't going anywhere on their own, but you can worry about that later. Or never. Instead you mosey on over to your table.

[Hannah]: Use the Force to correct table posture.

 

Come on, you are no Jedi knight - what do you look like, a Tortail??

 

Besides, this is clearly the correct posture for an PLANE OF ARTISTIC UTILIZATION anyway. But hey, you'll give anything a try once.


[Hannah]::::

 

You picked this little trick up from a good friend. One who really knows all about this Star Force business.

[Hannah]::::



[Hannah]::::

 

Aack! You do not have the FORCETUDE to alter this table's arrangement.

 

[LehvakLah]

[Hannah]: Admire the Chikorita poster



It's BEELAFF! Your SPIRIT CRITTER, according to the internet! She has yet to appear before you and dispense any sort of fragrant guidance as you travel along your path to SPUDVILLE, but you're pretty sure that's what she'd advise you to do anyway.


[Hannah]: Draw something on the table.



The table is not a paper!


[Hannah]: Wait is that the female version of Ronald McDonald!?



Ooooooh Ma-NIL-la.

 

You lovingly admire the haute couture of your dreams and wish you wish you looked this sizzling. Deep down, you think you could werq it.


[Hannah]: Remember how you got Mr. Potato Head.



The starched example of a gentleman stands proudly in your hallway, guarding the passageway from all with his enormous eyes. He manages to strike a visage that's imposing and maybe just the littlest bit handsome. At least he does now that you got Pommes to stop chewing on him. He's your spud to chew on and yours alone!


[Hannah]: Try to turn the Mr. Potato Head into a French Fry.



Wow...this is possibly the worst french fry you've ever had! You take a few more bites anyway though.


[Hannah]: Investigate pile of Doritos



Only half of this pile is Doritos. The other half is those theme-denoting corners you could clip from old Lego instructions. You try not to get your triangular treasures mixed up with your dinner!


[Hannah]: Wield PILLOW/STAPLER/DISHES/SPATULA!




You can't wield anything right now! You've never found the need to equip a TOOL. You uh...tend to skedaddle when things get hairy. But you suppose there ain't no harm in putting any old thing in it. It's not like it's going to really be relevant to you out here alone with your pooch.

[InnerRayg]

As our intrepid readers may or may not have noticed, a new poll has been added to The Discussion topic! We're trying a new way to let you guys interact with the comic; although the commands are still very much encouraged, you can also directly choose things with your vote! Although this first choice isn't a huge one, I also promise you're gonna see some deeper story decisions up there as well. So without further adieu - your choices!

[ONE]: Pillowkind



Sure, a pillow isn't good for much except a good nature pillow fight, but notice that special stat? Sure, a pillowcase full of feathers will just leave your opponents sneezing, but fill it with bricks and suddenly they've got a whole different set of problems.

[TWO]: Staplerkind



You know this is a weapon that will make you say "Yowch!" The projectiles aren't gonna hurt much individually, but you bet a backside full of staples isn't gonna feel good!

[THREE]: Platekind



Say, what's that smell? When were these dishes washed anyway??? If the smell doesn't know your foes out, the ceramic crashing on your head certainly will. Too bad these things are no good once you've run out.

[FOUR]: Spatulakind



Now this is a weapon that would make a frycook proud! Sure, it's not the strongest or the most powerful, but anyone who sees you wielding this will know the user is a serious fried food fanatic.

[LehvakLah]

[Hannah]: Bind your Strife Modus to Taterkind.



No no, you thought of that, but then the Tool Cache would just snap up your potatoes before you could get them to your mouth. There has to be something better. You briefly consider some of the objects around your house...


[Hannah]: Forget all else. Your frien- I mean, potatoes need you!




Of course. You know what to do.

[Hannah]: Weild item of utmost power



You know you've made the right choice

[LehvakLah]

[Hannah]: Lose interest in southern twang and never speak of it again



Oh but y'all could never do that!


[Hannah]: Step into the clotheset



You step inside the clotheset, a position extremely comfortable to any self-respecting, cattle steering, spit hawkin, wrangler wearing cowpoke such as yourself.


[Hannah]: Don the hat. Be the cowgirl.



YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


[Hannah]::::



HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


[Hannah]::::



HAAAAAAAAAAAaaaooooooo are you kidding.


[Hannah]::::



You're no cowpoke.


[Hannah]::::



Just a city slicker.


[Hannah]::::



Only here because you chose to run away.


[Hannah]::::



Forced to run because of your own choices.


[Hannah]::::



He was so angry.


[Hannah]::::



You had a hard time forgiving him. And worse.


[Hannah]::::



He's never forgiven himself.
 

[LehvakLah]

[Hannah]: Pick up your room!



You've gone and upset yourself again. No way you can get chores done in this state. You need to unwind a little.


[Hannah]: Doodle



That's a command you can follow. You start up a comic about some great adventures you had on a trip long ago. Happier times.


[Hannah]::::



Oh....


[Hannah]::::



Speak of the devil.

You don't really want to talk to him right now.


[Hannah]::::




[Hannah]::::



Oh, who are you kidding. You oblige the musical goofball.

Spoiler

GlamGuitarist began pestering MoochyMensch at 11:17 PM MST

GG: OH MY GODDDD
GG: I'm listening to Led Zeppelin's fourth album on vinyl and oh my goddddd
GG: it's too good
GG: it's too good to be real
GG:
MM: good things can be real
GG: but it's just impossibly great
GG: it's so rock and roll
GG: and it's hard, it's so hard
GG: but it's also vaunted
GG: it takes the blues and rock and roll and lays them out with the pounding bonzo beats and jimmy's overdriven sustain
GG: but it takes them somewhere
GG: it takes them to new places, this galvanized, electric voice, it takes all the things that came before and says "but is it art?"
GG: and it takes the core of what drives the blues and rock and roll, which is feeling
GG: and it makes the whole record about that, even when it's nonsensical feeling, because nonsensical feelings are real feelings too
GG: so often when you turn ont he fuzzbox or the OD, that core gets lost; it's so easy to lose that emotional core when you're plucking the screaming leadlines
GG: #### you could even argue that Zeppelin lost track of it sometimes, too, in some of their excesses. I think that'd be valid to argue
GG: but not here, not in these tracks
GG: the whole structure of the album is built to accentuate the moods, the build up to something, quiet down, and then build up again, to a different feeling
GG: I think so many people get so caught up in Led Zeppelin's image that they forget what made the band so great, which was that they really were all virtuosos - they really were all artists
GG: "hard"/heavy rock is very often a very dumb genre. Most of the time, even. As much fun as it can be despite that.
GG: but it never had to be
MM: *nodnod*
GG: much of this record is very, very heavy (though not all of it; there's a lot of textural variety and even textural variety among the heavy songs), but it's not dumb at all
GG: things like this
GG: things like this make everything worthwhile
GG: this, these things, things like this, that's justification for being alive
GG: and also
GG: justification to create
GG: and yeah im just talking your ear off by this point, and also i'm crying to this guitar solo, i guess that's the point iw as trying to make, sorry!!??? :X

[Hannah]::::





Not a whole lot has changed!


[Hannah]::::



Let's see what that goofball's doing.


[Hannah]::::



Oh dear. He's found the moonshine. No wonder he's so jived!

What a dork!

Spoiler

MM: cool
MM: super cool
GG: anyway
GG: what's up
MM: same old
MM: i'm drawing this comic
MM: about pigeons
MM: maybe you've heard of it
GG: I'm trying to think of a pun involving pigeons
GG: something to really annoy you
MM: D:<
GG: BT
GG: how about
GG: uh
GG: ######
GG: i'm all dried up here
MM: good
GG: it's absolute horseFEATHERS that i can't come up with any good puns
GG: it's really bringing me DOWN
MM: godddd
GG: I can't think of a single joke that could take FLIGHT
MM: i'm leaving
GG: all right see this is just you pigeonholing me on account of my humour
GG: <---- I DID IT
MM: goodbye
GG:
GG: don't be like that dogg
GG: can I see the comic??

 
 

 
 

[Hannah]: Finish that comic!



Right. Now that you've started this comic you can't let your momentum stop. A thousand unfinished projects are testament to that.

Spoiler

MM: it's not done yet
GG: goddd
GG: i guess
GG: maybve
GG: I deserve it for all t he awful puns
GG: that'll be my.............................................
GG: wait for it
GG: PUNishment
MM: D<
GG: <3
GG: (they weren't awful at all they were totallya wesome)
MM: i'm going for real
GG: mann
GG: sorry
MM: yeah yeah yeah yeah
GG: i guess I've got to go too, ray wants me to play this bloody game
GG: you should play too; are you playing?
GG: (please play)
MM: yes
GG: (you can play for me)
MM: nooo
MM: play for yourself
GG: bro you know how i am about them video games
GG: you know I am THE WORST
MM: well
MM: get your rear in gear
GG: goddd
GG: miss cranky tonight
MM: yeah see comics don't draw themselves
GG: okay i'm sorry
MM: miss hassled tonight!
GG: well
GG: i'd say show the comic to me when you finish but you'll totally REFUSE because you're totally LIKE THAT >:[
GG: so i'm gonna suggest you show it to ray
GG: you guys are comic bros like that
MM: natch
GG: (that was I can get him tos how it to me)
GG:;)
GG: but okay fine ifne i'll stop distracting you
GG: byyyeee, good luck witht he comic etc etc etc, your comics are the ####, ok bye
MM: catch you later

 

 

[Hannah]::::



Wait.


[Hannah]: French fry senses...tingling!




[Hannah]: Search

Come on you beauties, come on....THERE!


[Hannah]: Inspect Potato

 

Spoiler

MM: btw
MM: are you going to eat those?
GG: man i ain't even got any fries, man!
GG: not one! i swear!!
GG: they keep DISAPPEARING whenever i make 'em
MM: dang : (
GG: i think my room-mate keeps santching them
GG: snatching*
MM: i bet;)
GG: you know how he is
GG: he's always looking to put things in his mouth
MM: i know
MM: is that like a household thing
GG: hn?
GG: oh
GG: HEY D:<
MM:
MM: ;)

 

[Hannah]: Resist the urge.



No! You mustn't! Control yourself Hannah! Isn't this the entire reason you're in this mess??? but...So....delicious....and it's been so long since you've been able to cook your own....


[Hannah]: Fail to resist the urge.

Spoiler

GG: (never change)
GG: peace
MM: lllater

glamGuitarist ceased aggrivating moochyMensch

[Hannah]::::



They probably won't even notice.

[Hannah]::::



Elsewhere, a canine nose raises itself at the sudden influx of a delicious aroma


[Hannah]::::




[Hannah]::::




[Hannah]::::




[Hannah]::::



No Pommes! Down boy!

Looks like somebody has to go outside!!


[Hannah]: Put that dog on a bun and eat it!



Ordinarily such a flagrant suggestion to harm your dear sweet Pommes would result in the despised 2X GAME OVER COMBO, NO CONTINUES EDITION, but luckily for everyone you're too busy thinking about those fries to worry about bustin some punks.


[Hannah]::::



You return to your now darkened room.

Man you wish you had some windows in here!


[Hannah]: Create artistic perfection.



You prepare yourself to finish this latest confounded comic while you savor the cattle-brandin good flavor of a deep fried potato slice, as perfected by the French. This? This is heaven.


[Hannah]: Say...this seems...familiar



We've been to this darkened room before.

So if we've settled the mystery of one silhouetted friend...


[???]: What of the other?


 

[InnerRayg]

[???]::::



[???]: Reveal yourself.



You oblige, but only out of a mix of boredom and frustration. You have been staring at these screens for hours. Watching. Waiting. These people have raised procrastination to an art form. It seems they can do nothing but squander your precious time with pointless hijinx and mind numbing interpersonal drama.

[???]: Name?

You make a point not to give out your name. Safer that way.

Your friends call you Bulltop.

Your enemies do too.

Honestly, you are having a hard time discerning which is which anymore.

[Bulltop]::::



Maybe you need some time away from the monitors. What should you do?

Edited by InnerRayg, Jan 13 2013 - 04:05 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Bulltop]: Turn on the lights!




Your splitting headache says no to that idea. You plan to leave them off until the sweaty construction workers who have decided they need to break ground in your brain stop jackhammering away and call it a night.


[Bulltop]: Quickly retrieve arms from crates



Your arms are right here.

Your manly, bulging, freakishly strong arms.


[Bulltop]: Pull that tempting lever next to the steering wheel



Why? You've got nowhere to go.


[Bulltop]::::



This entire mechanism is as useless to you as the number 2 in binary.


[Bulltop]: Rip steering wheel off the wall.



Completely useless.


[Bulltop]: HOLY ####!!



!!


[Bulltop]: Remember why everyone calls you 'Bulltop.'



They call you that because there would be serious consequences for calling you anything else. As an overly aggressive hulk of a man, You are relatively certain there is no chance anyone would even consider using another name to refer to you.

Oops. Your old tattoo is showing.


[Bulltop]::::



Hey, everyone makes mistakes.


[Bulltop]: Repair guitar



And this is another one.

You've been trying to fix it for a long time.

You've been trying to fix all of it.

But it's a lot easier to break things then it is to put them back together.


[Bulltop]: Do nothing of consequence




Usually you are too stubborn to quit. Still, you have been worn down more and more lately. Maybe it's time to sit down...crack open a cold one...and squander more time watching your friends procrastinate.


[Bulltop]: Squander more time



Unfortunately, your attempts to squander more time have been foiled. An interloper has appeared.

The Larcenous Warden demands an audience.


[Bulltop]::::



Is....is it trying to smile?

That is incredibly disturbing.

and if he's happy, that means somebody else is about to be very unhappy.

Edited by InnerRayg, Jan 14 2013 - 01:17 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Bulltop]: Speak to this man of the really important things. You know, those things.



Man? This isn't a man. It's nothing but another disgusting abomination. But if he's here he probably does have something important to say. Or he just wants to stroke his own ego and pretend he's superior to humans. You steel yourself for another tirade when the thing lets you know he's not here to tell you how inferior mankind is for once. Well, okay maybe a little but mostly he just wants to acknowledge your contribution to their latest project. Sure, he did all the tough work building the device, but even he...it...has to admit the software you programmed for the machine is running well. In fact he's absolutely astounded at what such an underevolved ape was able to accomplish - it's nothing short of miraculous, like a chimp with a typewriter drafting up a riveting bardic tale unbidden. Really. No human sarcasm. Not even a little.

You let him know you would never accuse him of trying to be human. You assure him he's far too grotesque to ever succeed. You tell him that was human sarcasm.

He says ha. ha. human freaking ha.


[Bulltop]::::





As it turns out the Warden suddenly has a lot more to say about humans and their failings. He wants to make sure it is clear your programming skills are not within a galactic radii of his. Of course he could have programmed the HACCINE - he was compiling data when your pitiful species was struggling to crawl out of the ocean. He was just practicing a little xenocharity to make sure you weren't bored. He thinks you really are lucky to have such a selfless BENEFACTOR.

For a creepy, amorphous freak without a mouth this guy sure likes to talk a lot.


[Batknopfler]: Assert Your Authority over this Ruffian



You're so sick of this thing running its nasty breathing slits. He would never have even gotten into THE HUB without your help, and he knows it!

[Buttlop]::::



Hey Warden.

[Buttlop]::::



Let's see your amazing alien programming skills get you out of this one.


[Buttlop]::::







Poseur

Edited by InnerRayg, Jan 15 2013 - 12:28 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Bulltop]: Figure out a new purpose for your existence.



No need. Your old purpose is just fine. As terrible as those freaks are, you don't think you can get this done without them. Just like your friends. And slow as they are, you know in the end they'll do what's needed.

There will be serious consequences if they don't.


[Bulltop]: Dance for us, puppet!



You don't...do not dance. You are no puppet.

You are the one pulling the strings.


[Bulltop]::::



And as a puppetmaster, it's time for you to start tugging on some cords. You've been nudging things along for some time - like when this girl woke up from a terrible nightmare and needed somebody to comfort her. And to keep her from doing something foolish like telling other people about it. What are friends for, after all?

And now another opportunity has presented itself.


[Bulltop]: Aggravate Ray while he is about to leave into space.



You know you'll save yourself and him a lot of headache if you stop him from doing something as ridiculous as calling emergency services while his house burns down instead of using a videogame to stop it like a sensible person.



[Bulltop]: Ride the broken guitar like a horse and play pretend cowboy



No.

You know what? You are officially done being commanded. Everyone is banned from telling you what to do.

 

Edited by InnerRayg, Jan 16 2013 - 12:39 AM.