116 replies to this topic

[InnerRayg]

[IR]: Stop introducing new characters just when we're getting to know one!



You raaaaaang?

Come on, that guy was really cool! All brooding and secretive. I mean did you see that room? Those devices are the same ones Ray has! And what about those aliens? Good guys? Bad? Somewhere in between? Shenanigans are afoot I tell you! Shenanigans!



[IR]: Be Foreshadow



Sorry! You guys JUUUST missed all this great foreshadowing that was about to happen. Like, jaw-dropping reveals. You would have seen so many jaws getting dropped. You'd need someone to come in and fix your foundation because they really did some serious structural damage when they fell down and ROCKED YOUR WORLD.

But no, you want me to go back. okay. You want a cowboy? You got it.

Well.

Cowgirl.



[IR]: STOP!



IT'S HANNAH TIME!



...badum tisss

[LehvakLah]

[Hannah]: finish your comic



There. Artistic perfection. Magnificent. Stupendous. You can't help yourself. You have to show off a little bit. Few folks appreciate a good comic like Ray!

 
 

Spoiler

MoochyMensch (MM) began aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 11:21 MST

MM: sup butt
IrritableRevenant is Away
MM: >:|
IrritableRevenant is still Away
MM: ok you're not here but remember when i went on that trip and got flocked
MM: me and PI
MM: look look at this
MM: See?
IrritableRevenant has Appeared
IR: Haha woah oh man
IR: That's amazing
And so on...

 
 
 
 
 

[Hannah]: Flirt with Brian



Well that'll be hard to do without a pair of stilts.



[Hannah]: Advance the plot!



What in tarnotion is that raquet??



[Hannah]: Go outside, it's good for you





Looks like yer gonna have to. Pommes sure has his whiskers in a twist about something!


[Hannah]: Wonder what to do next.











[Hannah]: Inspect Mailbag



Oh great. That doggone dog's gone and rustled the mailman again.

Strange, you don't see the game that was supposed to be delivered today.


[Hannah]: Locate Mailman



That ole boy's long gone, you reckon.

You wish you knew what "reckon" meant.


[Hannah]: Locate beloved pooch



You don't know how you'll find him in all this vast, featureless wasteland you call home.


[Hannah]: Quit fooling around and advance the plot already!



Oh there he is.

Uh oh...is that...


[Hannah]: Acquire game for maximum fun!




[Hannah]: Quit fooling around and land already!



Awwww yisss.


[Hannah]::::




[Hannah]::::




[Hannah]::::




[Hannah]::::

[Makaru]

[Hannah]: Fascinating story develop-BE SOMEONE NEW.



Geez, another character switch? Cascading through all these players, you must be approaching some kind of clima....

 

Wait.

 

Could...Could it be?

Are you going to be the mysterious stranger?


[???]: YES BE THE STRANGER PLEASE



No, you ignoramus. You cannot be the mysterious stranger because he's busy being mysterious. And everyone knows that you can't be a stranger after you get to know them. It's like a universal law or something.

 

You decide to be this dream doofus instead.

Edited by Makaru, Jan 25 2013 - 12:16 PM.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Engage in Pleasantries



Not today. This guy is a breath of fresh air. No small talk of the weather. No "how do you do and what's all this then". This fellow Gentleman is all about the hard sell. As you suspected, Mister Monocle is here entirely on an errand of business. And he ain’t wasting no one’s time.

He commands you to follow.


[Brian]: Join the Gentleman in his Evening Constitutional



What could go wrong? It's just an innocuous darkened hallway with no lighting whatsoever. Nothing ominous there. You join the curt fellow.


[Brian]: Run from This Man!



It seems you will not be walking blind today. Like any upright standard bearer of the aristocratic, high altitude adjusted, rugged league of gentlescholars, he is prepared for any situation. His JINGOIST modus deposits the light stone without a second thought, proving beyond any doubt his unwavering PATRIOTISM.

What a breathtaking example of a man. You really should be taking notes.



[Brian]: Don't Believe his Lies!



He asks if you ever heard of the Console of Stardex. You tell him you're not sure. He says not to worry, he trusts you would know it if you saw it. He asks if you've ever heard of a device called a Haccine. You ask him if he meant vaccine. He strenuously pronounces it HACCINE. You say no. He has a lot to say about that.

He tells you a Haccine is a mythical object in this world; an anomaly that should not even exist. It is of enviable power, allowing unshackled access to the Console of Stardex. They are rare as they are valuable. And predictably so, ascertaining such an item is as difficult as one would expect a holy grail to be.



[Brian]:Realize this GENTLEMAN isn't a Man, and Never Was!



You can see where this is going, but you play it cool. You ask him if it isn't too unethical to consider cheat codes. He tells you it’s more of a designed exploit at the player’s disposal, and as a trusted informant you can be assured that there is no ethical quandary in using anything at the game's disposal to ensure victory. You ask him if he's sure it's really okay. He tells you it is really your discretion. You tell him that you’ll think about it. You ask him what series of dangerous quests and perils await you on your journey to this technical God Command.



[Brian]: He is an Alien Freak!



He frowns at your peculiar choice of words. He tells you there is no mundane fetch quest necessary.
 

 

[Brian]: Don't Die



He already has it right here.

[Makaru]

[Brian]::::



 

 

[Brian]::::



He tells you that when the time comes, you’ll know what to do. 


[Brian]::::




You have a pretty good brain on you there kid.
 

[Brian]::::



Hold on...Brain? Why is that ringing a bell? Come on Brian, sleuth like you've never sleuthed before!

 

[Brian]: HEYYYYYYYY!





OF COURSE! You suddenly remember the explosion! Brain was trapped in the television when everything went sideways! You sure hope the little nuisance is okay!

 

[Brian]::::



You tell him you have a rather pressing matter to attend to. He understands. You give him the traditional Gentleman farewell handshake.

 

[Brian]: Brofist the Gentleman













 

[Brian]: Abscond...QUICKLY



You depart rather abruptly


[Brian]: Resist the Urge to Turn Around


 

Against all odds, you succeed.

 

 

 

[BRIAN]::::

 

What a victory this has surely been.

Edited by Makaru, Jan 27 2013 - 11:04 PM.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Abruptly Wake Up



No no, you can't just fall asleep willy nilly! This isn't some magical dream world where your body just poofs back to THE HUB when you fall unconscious!

This is a magical dream world where, if you fell asleep, your body would fall akimbo on the street and just be all sorts of a nuisance! You'd never allow such rudeness to take place if you can help it. So it's back home the old fashioned way - hoofing it.

 

You also may have forgotten where you came from before. This is why you should never be without your trusty notepad.


[Brian]: Learn to Fly.



What are you not getting about this place not being a magical fairy land? You think you can just wish hard enough and suddenly have the ability to fly because it's a dream world?? What a patently absurd notion. Earth physics still apply except in rare plot-contrived circumstances, canucklehead!

But there may be a faster way to get home.


[Brian]: Learn to Read Matoran!



What the heck is a Matoran? This is the LANGUAGE OF THE ANCIENTS.

 

From what you've gleamed from a few glyphs, there were a race of gentle sentient robodroids. They appear to have layed the foundation of much of the great city of Stardex a long, long time ago. But legends tell of a great uprising, and all traces of the Ancients have been scratched from the records.

 

Whatever is written here has long been lost to time. You've tried every code-breaking method at your disposal. It is completely undecipherable.

 

 

[Brian]::::

What you do know, however, is many of their constructs still operate to this day. This includes the vast FLINGY TUBE SYSTEM, which is filled with some mysterious, breathable liquid that probably leaves no long-lasting medical effects to your body. It's still pretty gross, and you try to avoid using it whenever possible.

Edited by Makaru, Jan 29 2013 - 01:48 PM.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Ascend Ladder

 

You decide your dedication to Brain is slightly more important to your aversion to being gunked. You climb the ladder without hesitation.
 

 

[Brian]: Begin Looking for Other Lifeforms in the City



You can't begin looking for new life forms because you keep finding old ones. Look at this little guy! Someone forgot to bump "Build" on the priorities list past "Have a Sandwich". He doesn't look too happy to see you.
 

[Brian]::::



The behard-hatted little fellow grumbles something about going back to work. At least you're pretty sure that's what he's saying in between various obscenities. As adorable as these little guys are, they sure do have a foul mouth!

 

Back to the task at hand!

 

[Brian]::::



The chute's not too much higher - if you could reach the next ledge you could jump into it. Sort of a leap of faith deal. Unfortunately said ledge is just out of ascending range, even for you!
 

 

[Brian]::::



If only you could find something to extend your reach! You just know there must be a solution to this puzzle somewhere!
 

 

[Brian]::::

 

 

 

[Brian]::::
 

 

 

[Brian]::::
 

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Do what Batman Would Do
 

 
Using your superior intellect, you were able to piece together the set pieces to overcome your obstacles! Bruce Wayne would be so proud, if the solution weren't so obvious. For the sake of the game's feelings, you choose not to elaborate on the simple solution to the "complex" problem, and promise to never speak of it again.
 
 
 
Brian::::



Okay...here we go...and a one and a two....
 

[Brian]::::



Er....wow, that sure is a long way down isn't it.
 

 

[Brian]: Be Even More Adorable.



Much to your chagrin, you somehow succeed?

 

[Brian]: Use Chutes to Escape From Your Enemies.



Enemies? You don't have any enemies! You continue to be transfixed by the ground to show your lack of concern, and ain't nothing gonna convince you otherwise.

Well okay that construction guy was pretty grumpy about his sandwich, but you'll buy him a new one when you get your hands on some glitter you guess.

Everyone knows glitter is the only accepted currency on Stardex.
 

[Brian]: No, Don't Use the Chutes! Too obvious!



That makes sense to you...

No! What kind of roughneck gentleman backs out of a course of action once he's decided upon it just because it might result in egregious harm? A rather POOR EXCUSE OF A GENTLEMAN YOU'D SAY. You just need to close your eyes, shut out all distractions, and do this.


[Brian]: Spontaneously Combust With True Canadian Bravery




BRUUUUUNOOOOOOO GERUUUUSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

[Makaru]

[Brian]::::

 

 

Flying around at the speed of round

 

 

 

[Brian]::::

 

 

Got places to go, got to follow your rainbow

 

 

 

[Brian]::::

 

 

Can't stick around got to keep boopin' on

Skip to the chorus, 'cuz you don't know the words!

 

 

 

[Brian]: FOLLOW ME

 

 

 

 

[Brian]: SET ME FREE

 

 

 

 

[BRIAN]: TRUST ME AND WE WILL ESCAPE FROM THE CITY

 

 

 

 

[Brian]::::

 

 

 

 

[Brian]: Danger is Lurking Around Every Turn

 

 

 

 

[Brian]: Trust Your Feelings

 

 

 

 

[Brian]: Got To

 

Edited by Makaru, Jan 31 2013 - 11:13 PM.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Don't Be Knocked Out

 

 

Your skull's a tough case to crack. Do you remember talking about how much you hate the tubes? You hate those tubes.

 

 

 

[Brian]: Suffer From Side Effects

 

 

Oh my... You... something funny like....you feel a strange tingling in your mouth. Like tiny electric shocks racing across your whole nervous system. Could it be? Could you finally be achieving your ascension through the powers of nasty tube juice??

 

 

 

[Brian]: Gain Dream Powers Through Questionable Substance

 

 

You have gained the incredible ability to eat anything without tasting it, because your tongue has gone completely numb.

 

INCREDIBLE!

 

 

 

[Brian]: Search The Nearby Area For Cheese Puffs

 

 

Your search for a tasty food item to test your new ability is cut short by the realization that you have fortuitously been dropped back at the HUB.

 

Home sweet home!

 

 

 

[Brian]: Behold the Mighty Console of Stardex.

 

 

You will as soon as you are inside, you swear! These doors need time to work. The Hub is a very secure place - you've been investigating how these doors work lately, and as near as you can tell they are impenetrable - even the strongest crowbar you could find wouldn't put a scratch on them. The really cool thing is that they only seem to open for you - Which is convenient because the salesmen on Stardex can be VERY persistent. You still regret that set of "never-sharpen" teddy bears you were forced into purchasing with your hard-earned glitter.

 

 

 

[Brian]: Find Yourself Inside the Hall of the HUB

 

 

Hold your horses. These doors are pretty dangerous.

Edited by Makaru, Feb 12 2013 - 01:32 AM.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Quickly Recover

 

 

Quick like a fox, you shuffle into the Hub of Stardex.

 

 

 

[Brian]::::

 

 

 

 

[Brian]: Surrender

 

 

 

 

[Brian]: Or

 

 

 

 

[Brian]: Run.

 

 

 

 

[Brian]::::

 

 

 

 

[Brian]: Enter the Coliseum

 

 

You enter the MAIN HALL OF THE HUB. It is the place where you started this crazy journey on STARDEX. You suddenly realize you've taken for granted information you already knew without giving it a cursory glance. Also you kinda just wandered out of here, still dozy from waking up from being awake somewhere else.

 

You really haven't given this place a good look-around. To your left are a bunch of suspicious tubes. Ahead of you is another doorway leading further into the structure of the Hub. To your right is a gigantic computer of UNKNOWN ORIGIN.

 

What will you do?

 

Edited by Makaru, Feb 12 2013 - 01:25 AM.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Determine the Structural Integrity of the Tubes.

 

 

These tubes, or LIFE SUVAS as you have taken to call them, are quite the conundrum. Inside of these entirely indestructible tubes are three of your greatest friends, all of whom you have never personally met!

 

You don’t recall the moment or method as to how you escaped your tube. All you think you know is that you appear in this world when you dream in real life. Quite a bold assumption for an investigator to make with no supporting data, but it just seems right to you.

 

So perhaps you are in the future remembering the past? Or maybe you’re a bunch of clones with a foreboding destiny run amuck of some nefarious scheme? You can’t quite put your finger on who your dream self actually is, but somehow that doesn’t unsettle you.

 

 

 

[Brian]: ...By Hitting Them with a Crowbar

 

 

 

 

Of course even when you blindly trust the words of strangers, a little mountie-style empiricism never hurts. Now to just retrieve that crowbar and...

 

SIR JOHN A. MACDONALD'S LIVER! You completely forgot to pick it up on your way over! Now you’ll never be able to show how impervious these things are! Maybe you will be able to reach it later if you ever find your way back. Your friend will surely be happy to assist you in retrieving it.

 

 

 

[Brian]: Rip Valve Off Pipe Coming Out of the Floor.

 

 

You can basically assume everything in here is impossible to destroy. You test your hypothesis by kicking the valve. +2 to Orthopedic Malady.

 

 

 

[Brian]: Play Galaga on the Computer.

 

 

 

You gander at this stunning visage of a technical marvel. You are unsure of the application of such a computing device. Maybe you can ascertain the purpose of this CONSOLE by studying all the clues you've noticed in your travels on STARDEX.

 

You gather your wits. Somehow in the fray of your INTENSE FOCUS, you boost the level of your INVESTIGRIT PERUSAL from PRIDE OF CLOUSEAU to DARK KNIGHT OF MAYBERRY. Your CRANIAL CRAFTSMANSHIP also gives you a negligible boost to your IMAGINATION.

 

 

 

[Brian]: Use the BAT COMPUTER to Fight Crime All Over GOTHAM CITY, I Mean, STARDEX

 

 

 

Of course! This must be the CONSOLE OF STARDEX. This is the illustrious computer Mr. Monocles must have been referring to! Thank goodness you really put your mind to the test. This surely was a feat of the sharpest mind the game could muster to action. All hail you, Lord Braniac, for seeing through this most difficult of puzzles. If you had a captive, non-comatose audience, surely you would have been rewarded with silence then uproarious applause. Good for you.

 

Interesting. Not only can you view your friends current chronological position, but rewind through previous time periods as well. Sadly you can't fast forward past the present moment. The console stays in lock step with your timeline.

 

If there's anything else this thing can do other than take up nearly all the space in the room, you haven't discovered it. You give this discovery the RASPBERRY OF DISAPPROVAL.

 

 

 

[Brian]: Stop Fooling Around and Save Brain Already!

 

 

 

You haven’t forgotten what your mission was. But you're not feeling tired yet and a little casual voyeurism never hurt anyone. You decide to see what Ray's been up to on a whim. Convenient, as that is who is on the screen right now. Things look intense but as you rewind you see he's had plenty of hilarious antics to fill up his day. Haha is he fighting a fridge?? Oh look! Now he's playing with his rubber ducky in the bathroom. What a jokester. 

Woah! Did he just do a flip? You rewind a bit so you can the entire thing and press play to watch it in real-time. 

What. 

What happened to the flip?

Edited by Makaru, Feb 19 2013 - 04:35 PM.

[Makaru]

[S][Brian]: Assume Direct Control

 

[InnerRayg]

[Brian]: Be the guy about to enter SPAAAAACE!!



You are now the guy about to enter space and you have just made a terrible mistake.
 

[Ray]::::



How could this have happened??
 

[Ray]: Accept your mistake and forgive yourself



You can't accept this. You won't accept it. There has to be a way to fix what you've done. There has to be a way to make this better.


[Ray]: Think about offing yourself





A way to make this all go away.


[Ray]::::








[Ray]: What?



 

 

Spoiler

Tahu: RISE FOOL.
Tahu: YOUR DESTINY IS AT HAND
Tahu: THIS IS NO TIME FOR WEAKNESS
Tahu: WE MUST BEGIN THE GREAT JOURNEY
Ray: What??

 

 

[Ray]: ???



 

 

Spoiler

Tahu: IT SEEMS SOMETHING IS OBSTRUCTING YOUR EARS
Tahu: PERHAPS MY BLADE COULD CLEAR THAT OUT
Ray: What???
Tahu: DESTINY DANCES TO A STRANGE TUNE INDEED
Tahu: IS IT REALLY FORCING ME TO ACCOMPANY THIS BRAINDEAD BRAKAS MONKEY?
Tahu: THE GREAT BEINGS MUST HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR
Tahu: A BAD ONE
Ray: ...
Tahu: FLAMES SAVE ME
Tahu: I NEED YOUR HELP; I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE
Tahu: WELL, I COULD, AND PROBABLY MUCH FASTER AND BETTER, BUT
Tahu: "strict protocol dictates the player initiate the ascension"
Tahu: I HAVE NO DOUBT THE SHADOWS THEMSELVES CONSPIRED TO MAKE THAT INFURNIATING RULE
Ray: ...
Tahu: SOMETHING TO SAY? PLEASE, I LOOK FORWARD TO INDULGING MORE OF YOUR INANITY
Ray: HEY YOU DUMB FLOATING TOY! Perhaps you could INDULGE the fact that I don't give a brick about anything you have to say!
Ray: Maybe you could indulge me taking your mask and using it as a punch bowl for the corpse party I was trying to get together till you so rudely interrupted!
Ray: Sure would be handy! I'm always at a loss for good tupperware.
Ray: What are you anyway??
Tahu: ...
Tahu: PERHAPS I WAS HASTY IN JUDGING YOU
Tahu: I LIKE YOUR-
Ray: Spark?
Ray: Fervor?
Ray: Smoooolder?
Ray: Please tell me what awful flame-based pun you were going to use, I'm just burning up thinking about it.
Ray: I mean not that I'm sweating it or anything, I know none of mine really sizzled.
Ray: Just tell me, was I getting warm.
Tahu: ...ATTITUDE
Tahu: AND I WILL CONTINUE TO LIKE IT FOR APPROXIMATELY FORTY MORE SECONDS IF YOU DON'T IGNITE THIS VESSEL
Tahu: "Amplicating my form", EVEN IF BY SHEER DUMB LUCK, HAS SUCCESSFULLY FUELED THE SHIP; WE CAN LEAVE ANYTIME
Tahu: AND WE HAVE TO
Tahu: NOTHING I CAN DO WOULD STOP THE ONSLAUGHT YOUR WORLD WILL UNLEASH IF WE DON'T AND THEN WE BOTH WILL BE FIRE BONES
Ray: UGH.
Ray: Amplicating form?
Ray: That's protostud talk.
Ray: Now I see, Navisnitch finally got a voice.
Ray: And a makeover.
Ray: Going for a fierce new look? I think the tinkerbell thing was more your style.
Ray: Maybe that's what I'll call you. Tahubell. TinkerToa. Tafairy.
Tahu: PERHAPS I WAS WRONG. MAYBE YOUR DESTINY WAS TO BE INCINERATED
Tahu: TWENTY SECONDS
Ray: Yeah you're right. None of those really roll of the tongue. Maybe...Tahusprite
Tahu: THAT'S THE MOST DREADFUL ONE YET
Ray: Bingo.
Ray: Alright my fairy friend.
Ray: There's a way to fix this. I just have to find it.
Ray: Tell me what I need to do.
Tahusprite: JUST FOLLOW ME
Tahusprite: AND TRY NOT TO BURN TO DEATH

 

 

[Ray]: Follow Tahusprite





 

Edited by InnerRayg, Feb 21 2013 - 11:13 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[[Plots]: Converge

[InnerRayg]

[Act 1]: End

[Nukaya]

[Act 2]:  Begin




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::

[Nukaya]

[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::





[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::

[Nukaya]

[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::




[???]::::


 

[Nukaya]

[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::









 

[Nukaya]

[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



[???]::::



 

[Nukaya]

[???]: Wake up



Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. You cannot do it. You cannot wake the girl. Do not want. NO.


[???]::::



Ugh. Now you're just awake here again. Living a double life is exhausting!


[Tonyfig]: Flirt harder



Oh God. Nope. Nopenopenopenope. Not this. Again.


[???]: Wake Already!



Hurgablarhahrharhhrahhahharahhhh. Fine. You're up.


[???]: Reveal your name already



Your name is ??? ???????, and this is the SWEETEST BLING RAVE EVER.


[???]: Seriously.



Fine.

[Maddison]::::.

Your name is MADDISON MORROW. You think that sounds like a great superhero name or something.

Today you are extremely excited to be awake. You're kind of always like that. Excited. And awake. Sure, you try to get some shut eye now and then, but every time you close your eyes, you just wake up in another strange, dark world called SINPORT. A world filled with badguys itching to catch you. A world that is most definitely REAL, and anyone who says otherwise INSERT THREAT OF BODILY HARM HERE

You are excited because today is the day you will be receiving a PACKAGE sent by a mysterious FRIEND, on behalf of an even more mysterious BLOCK MANUFACTURING EMPIRE. And in this PACKAGE is a GAME that will change everything, including giving you a chance to finally meet all your friends for realsies! Even if that means some of the butts too.

When you're not busy doing athletic stunts on a nasty looking alien world, you spend your time doing athletic stunts here on your regular old human world. Of course, you've long ago learned how important it is to stop and relax sometimes, and that's why you started exploring your ARTISTIC side. You've really found a niche for yourself in PHOTOGRAPHY - capturing the world in a single still moment is something you find intriguing. You have fantasized more than once about slowing down the world around you, if only to zen out and get a moment's rest.

Unfortunately life has other plans for you. You have no choice.

You just GOTTA GO FAST.

You're the lady with the maxed-out ACTION and ENERGY stats, leaving little in the TRANQUILITY or INTROSPECTION areas. If a problem can't be solved by pole-vaulting over it or aggressively REPEAT THREAT OF BODILY HARM HERE, you're likely to keep trying anyway.

It should be noted that your high Energy stats are linked with an exceedingly high SNARK proficiency, though you're easily bested by an IGNORANT BUTTFACE attack.

Anyway, that's irrelevant. Your naut going to talk abuoy yourself all day! You have the whole world at your disposal. Almost limitless potential. And you know exactly what you want to do with it!

 

[Nukaya]

[Maddison]: Wake up.



You’re already awake. You're ALWAYS awake.

ALWAYS.


[Maddison]: Pick up curiously head-like object on shelf above bed.



Head-like object? That’s a trophy. You have SO MANY TROPHIES.



[Maddison]: Fall out of bed into imaginary plush pile.



Wheeeeee!




[Maddison]: Hug Nakodiles



Ok! But what is a Nakodile? You are quite sure something like that has never existed and never will, and quite frankly, you find the notion of them absurd. You do love your Camodiles though! They save your sorry butt all the time when you’re escaping baddies and they are really cute and cuddly.
 

[Nukaya]

[Madison]: Get straight to business and go upstairs




[Madison]: Re-enact bizarre dreams



....Hmm?


[Madison]: What is nak?



You have NO idea who "Madison" is. There is no one here by that name and are SO confused you don't even know what to DDo with yourself.


[MaDDison]: Slide down staircase on your MATTRESS.



You guess that is what you will do with yourself.

Wooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!


[Maddison]::::



You sure had to go to a lot of trouble to do that.

....Worth it.


[Maddison]: Put on new shoes, because you just feel like it.




[Maddison]::::



The sneakerheads be like
"Aw, she got the velcros."



[Maddison]::::



This isn't really your style


[Maddison]::::



You think...


[Maddison]::::



You'll just put them over...


[Maddison]::::



There.

[Maddison]::::



Maybe that will make them a little...

cooler. 8)


[Maddison]::::



Why do you even own these shoes.

[Nukaya]

[Maddison]: Check your pet of the caged kind





He doesn't seem to be in his cage right now. You wonder where he could have scurried off to.


[Maddison]: Start being productive at something.



NO. You are going to...


[Maddison]: GLITTER EVERYTHING



You are now Kesha! You think your bottle of Jack is in the bathroom, since that is the only place to keep bottles of Jack!


[Maddison]: Examine ALL the posters!



There are an obscene number of things on your walls. You are going to examine ALL OF IT.

You have a ton of running bibs from all sorts of races and track meets you have competed in. You sometimes wonder if there is secret code in the numbers that your subconscious is projecting when you arrange them, but then you snap out of it and realize what a ridiculous idea that is.


[Maddison]: Is that a blue spider in the corner?



Oh man, Red vs Blue! You just love RvB and the guys at Rooster Teeth. You've been following the series since it started, and sometimes you feel a little silly that you've been following something for 10 years, but then you're like BAM SHOTGUN! and you fill your daily "Kill Grif" quota and you feel a lot more ok about it.


[Maddison]: Examine Bunny shrine wall



There are these two sweet rabbit posters over here, but you are pretty sure you can never have enough rabbit posters. One rabbit is made of a finger print,and the other is of a bunch of rabbits on the moon with a girl. You know...you could BE that girl. You are pretty sure you would love hanging out on a planet full of bunnies.


[Maddison]::::



And here is your Camodile NBA poster! This one is just plain awesome. You don't know why they didn't just call it the CBA, though, for Camodile Basketball Association. NBA just makes no sense at all! Maybe they call it the Nak Basketball Association? They do make a "nak nak nak" noise, and they all have "Nak" in their names, so maybe that's it. You'll have to ask a Camodile next time you're asleep and awake, because you really have no idea. All you know is that Kevin DurNak and LaNakus Aldridge are both really great basketball players!


[Maddison]::::



Here is JAMES VAN DER BEEK during an epic rainbow fight standoff with Kesha. You have no real reason for having this as a poster beyond the fact that you find it funny as punch. Every once in a while, you toss some extra glitter on it for good measure.


[Maddison]::::



Oh! Oh! and don't forget this amazing Richard Avedon print. You love this photo because of its focus on balance. And don't forget beautiful outer space print by your fridge. Oh! Oh! and on your fridge, you have this AMAZING Lincoln Tron five dollar bill, a green Virgo sign magnet (which you are quite sure has no relation or connection to anything whatsoever and your mind would be kind of blown away if it did but let's be honest, you really doubt a connection like that would happen!), and then you have the BEST THING EVER, which is a colouring book page of LOKI AND THE MAGIC PENCIL. See what he has Thor? HA! HA! HA!


[Maddison]: Answer the message already!



That was a lot of posters! You think you'll just...sit at your desk...for a OH HEY YOU FORGOT SOMETHING.


[Maddison]: Inspect gigantic lens in corner



This is your SIGMA 200-500MM LENS. According to the reviews when you bought it, this lens can SEE THROUGH TIME ITSELF. You haven't been able to test out that feature as much as you would like, because the last time you took it outside to take photos, someone called the cops and a SMALL ARMY showed up because they thought you had a MISSILE LAUNCHER. One time your oven wasn't working and you wanted to make cookies, so you grabbed your lens and USED A FOCUSED SUN BEAM to bake your cookies. Who knew photography equipment could be used for so many other things beyond taking photos!



[Maddison]: Read intriguing book on counter.




[Maddison]::::




[Maddison]::::



This book was sent to you by a good friend after you visited her. She has given you lots of tips on how to do crafty things, which helped you make your Camodile plushes, and she once sent you this slightly strange book filled with all sorts of weird parables that all end in a lesson about not eating puffins. You should never under any circumstance eat puffins. It's a little weird, but it's pretty funny, so you keep it in your kitchen just in case you ever forget its valuable lessons.


[Maddison]: Read intriguing book on counter.



It also doubles as a place to store the  glorious adventures of OH, CANADA, Hannah Kanakanak's latest debut comic series, based on TRUE LIFE EVENTS!


[Maddison]: Sample comics.









 

[Nukaya]

[Maddison]: Inspect the giant floating 6's.



OH. Looks like in your poster frenzy, you completely missed that Bulltop was messaging you.

How unfortunate.

Spoiler

InebriatedDictator (ID) began aggravating passiveInfiltrator (PI) at 10:05 PST

ID: Maddison.
ID: How are you.
ID: Maddison.
ID: Maddison what are you doing.
PI: BULLTOP
PI: it is BROKEBACK TURNSTYLE
PI: THE BIGTEAMS TALENTSCOUT
PI: the one and only BIGTIME TROLOLOLOLO
ID: Maddison, you know I hate it when you make up those nicknames for me.
PI: :3
PI: ok Berry Toots
PI: i was looking at posters!
PI: so many posters!!!
ID: :|
PI: ;D
PI: what's up?
ID: I was just checking on you.
ID: I wanted to see how you were doing.
PI: well....
PI: i had another crazy-###### dream
PI: more guys trying to kill me!
PI: they are super annoying
ID: I am sorry to hear that.
PI: i'm sure you are, mr. Bloviating Tonsilectomy
ID: How long have you been having these dreams?
PI: um
PI: as long as i can remember?
PI: like
PI: they've always been -there-
PI: at first they were really great?
PI: but more and more, they've just been one giant attempt to kill maddison spree
ID: What do you think that means?
PI: who knows
ID: Have you ever thought about giving up?
ID: They are just figments of your mind.
ID: What is the worst that could happen?
PI: are you going all therapist session on me
PI: i'm on to you
PI: Bigbooty Teneyquka
ID: My booty is a perfectly average size, thank you.
PI: of course, you just keep telling yourself that whatever helps you sleep at night
ID: I am just asking. Maybe the answer is to stop running.
PI: why would i give up?
ID: To find peace. So you can rest easy without these figments bothering you anymore.
PI: what are you implying here
PI: that they're not real dreams?
PI: they're most def real dreams
PI: this place exists
ID: So that is why you will not give up then.
ID: You believe it is real.
PI: yes also because i am stubborn as ######
ID: Listen Maddison. I am concerned.
ID: These... fantasies... can not be healthy.
PI: you're not healthy
PI: Benedict Turdsnout
ID: No, listen.
PI: no you listen
PI: you are not in my head
PI: these dreams are very real in a very real place
PI: so you can shove your "no listen" comments up some bottle of jack
PI: and then shove that somewhere else
PI: like, no one believes me on this
PI: and it pisses me off!
PI: the person i thought was the best in the world wouldn't believe it, and now you are saying it's not real too?
PI: not that it matters, because no one is even messaging me any more except for brian?
PI: did mr. "graphicalPerfectionist" just go and tell everyone that i'm crazy and delusional or something?
PI: like what the ######
PI: that's not his business to get everyone else on his side like that!
PI: ugh
PI: akjdsfl;adsf kblargh
PI: ###### now you've got me all ###### off now
ID: Maddison, I do not think your communication problem is malice.
ID: I imagine it is just a technical issue.
ID: Frankly I am shocked you are still able to talk to me... and Brian.
ID: I doubt the shore has very good wifi.
PI: who knows...
PI: maybe playing this game will help change things.
ID: Playing the game is going to change a lot of things.
ID: Maddison, I have a confession.
ID: I know why these dreams seem so real to you.
PI: : o???
ID: I was nervous to bring this up.
ID: I know you've already figured out that this game is much more important than the others realize.
ID: These dreams are one of its many consequences.
ID: What I haven't told you is that I have already played this game.
ID: And consequently.
ID: I used to have the same dreams.
PI: : o!!!
ID: Every night. No matter what.
ID: They seemed. So real.
PI: not seemed. is real
ID: It is exhausting.
ID: Living a double life.
PI: yeah no kidding! my dreamself is always being chased by these guys. they never let up!
ID: Dreamself?
PI: yeah i dunno what else to call them?
ID: I prefer the term...
ID: Janus.

[Maddison]::::

Spoiler

PI: uhh...??
ID: Like the two headed god?
PI: oh i thought you meant something else
ID: Janus is a term I felt adequately described the nature of living in as two separate yet physically identical people.
ID: Until one day it stopped.
PI: how??
PI: why?
ID: I don't want to talk about it.
PI: :-\
ID: Maddison, you helped me a lot before.
ID: After what happened with the Predacons and Andrew.
ID: Let me help you.
ID: It is the least I can do.
PI: we'll see
PI: let me think for a while
PI: maybe i'll settle on a decision?
ID: Alright.
ID: For now just trust me when I say you should avoid telling people about these dreams.
PI: sure...
ID: You and I both know some people can find it... hard to believe
PI: i find you hard to believe
PI: ohhhh snap
ID: Do you believe I sincerely want to help you at least?
PI: yes
PI: sure
PI: dude
PI: you're good guy, even if you do get me totally not creepy gifts sometimes
ID: See? I knew you would love it.
PI: it is a mini version of you
ID: I know!
ID: Isn't it great.
PI: yes...?
ID: I call him Minisix.
PI: i think he is freaking my rabbit out sometimes to be honest
PI: but he's also a little weirdo who likes to throw things at my face, so who is to say being scare of an inanimate doll isn't normal for him.
ID: He will grow to love him with time.
ID: Minisix is a good friend to all.
PI: yes
PI: as soon as he figures out how to throw it at my face when i'm sleeping
PI: you know how freaky it is to wake up covered in rolled up socks and spoons
PI: how did he even get the spoons out of the drawer?
PI: like
PI: how???
ID: More freaky than waking up on an alien world?
PI: i don't know man, waking up with half your kitchen utensils on your body is pretty weird
ID: Fair enough.
ID: I am glad we had this talk.
ID: I want to tell to you more about the Janus later.
ID: It was a relief when I stopped waking up.
ID: But at the same time.
ID: I miss it.
PI: :-(
ID: It is okay.
ID: There is no cause for concern.
PI: yeah...
PI: sure bulltop
ID: Good.
ID: I am sure it will be fine.
ID: Do not worry.

InebriatedDictator (ID) ceased aggravating passiveInfiltrator (PI) at 10:10 PST

[Maddison]: Contact MM



Ok!

Spoiler

passiveInfiltrator (PI) began aggravating MoochyMensch (MM) at 10:11 PST

PI: YO.
PI: YOU THERE. GIRL.
PI: sup!!
PI: how is Idaho treating you?
PI: have you been attacked by the Montanan wolffalo packs yet? those things are gnarly, but they are great to practice strifing against!
PI: i like to imagine that you flipped them up in the air like pancakes or something.
PI: …hello?
PI: …anyone?
PI: …
PI: …
PI: …
PI: i have fries.
PI: …
PI: : (

passiveInfiltrator (PI) ceased aggravating MoochyMensch (MM) at 10:12 PST

[Maddison]: Progress plot.



Surprise surprise, no response. It's not just Hannah though - nobody's answered you for weeks! Nobody except Brian. What a gentleman! You made him a sweet new GIF that you know he'll really love as a thank you.

[Maddison]::::



Except you have to wait because it doesn't look like he's online right now. You spend a few minutes getting VERY IMPORTANT THINGS DONE waiting for him.

[Maddison]::::



And there he is!
You happily present the amazing gift in a CONVERSATION WE'VE ALREADY SEEN.. For some vague reason you feel like something important has been accomplished. Pats on the back for everyone!

[Maddison]: TURN IT UP



Aw yeah. That last one was pretty good. But you know it's time to TURN IT UP.
You don't ever settle for just good enough! You need to slam dunk the funk while the gif grill is hot. Tik Tok gurrl, clock's a clickin!

[Maddison]: Create masterpiece



It's beautiful. You can't wait to show Brian.

Spoiler

passiveInfiltrator (PI) began aggravating technicalDropout (TD) at 11:20 MST

PI: brian!
PI: brian this has to be you!

TD has gone amiss

PI: hmmm
PI: someone finally answers me all day and then they go missing too
PI: oh well guess this means i should stop making these awesome works of art and start getting ready
PI: i am so excited about starting this thing!!!
PI: but be careful out there for realsies
PI: dont ask me how i know
PI: theres something after us
PI: we all need to watch our backs
PI: i just wish some people would wake up to that fact;)
PI: oh well!!! im gonna head out now
PI: somebodys gotta get this boat on the road dagnabbit!!
PI: but dont worry buddy
PI: ill keep an eye out for you!!

passiveInfiltrator (PI) ceased aggravating technicalDropout (TD)

[Maddison]::::



...Oh. Well that's depressing. This computer's just bringin you down, time to get back to shenanigans.

[Nukaya]

[Maddison]: Add Sigma lens to your TOOL CACHE



Aw man, that'd be sweet but you can’t! Your tool is set to 1/2 POLEKIND. Right now you're using a BROKEN POLE VAULTING POLE. Using POLEKIND is nice, because you can use almost any POLE or POLE-like object. Though, it is kind of awkward that POLEKIND includes POLISH people. Whoever designed that little hidden pun just needs to get out right now.


[Maddison]: Open that box!













It is Minisix! He is…just as odd as he was when you got the box with him in the mail. You don’t really get it, to be honest. Yes, Bulltop is a good friend when he’s not being all weird and all, and you appreciate the sentiment, but this thing kind of gives you the creeps. Maybe you can improve him with a little GIF action? Glitter makes everything better.

You put the Minisix back in the box where it belongs.


[Maddison]: Captchalogue Trophy



You pull out your COIN PURSE MODUS. It's a nifty little modus that isn't frustrating in the least bit! Everything is captchalogued by counting up the change you have and assigning that object the value your coins add up to. To retrieve it you have to pay the exact toll. Your favorite part of your coin purse modus is that it takes Canadian coins! In theory, you could have an infinite number of things, provided you had enough change. You see a few open slots, and count up your change. Looks like the trophy is now worth 17 cents with a dime, a nickel, and two pennies.


[Maddison]: Glitter up the kitchen.



As FABULOUS as glitter is, you try to keep all foreign contaminants out of your food preparation area. Food safety is everybody's business!


[Maddison]::::



Oh.


[Maddison]::::



Hey...Minisix...


[Maddison]::::



This dumb little guy just can't stay put. Maybe putting it in your MODUS will keep him out of your hair.


[Maddison]: Play with the undeniable superior building toy. And by that, I mean the Lincoln Logs of course.




LINCOLN LOGSSSSSSSSS!!


[Maddison]: Take some pictures!



Hmm, maybe! You might grab your camera in a bit and take it outside. Your BUNNY, Burnie Bunns, is still missing, and the fact that you weren't covered in thrown silverware when you woke up is worrying. He might be on the deck. He loves the salty air.


[Maddison]: Recall how you came to be...wherever here is.



You really don't want to. Thinking about the past is just gonna slow you down. After all...



[Maddison]: You Gotta Go Fast!


 

[InnerRayg]

[Maddison]: Be the guy in SPACE!




You're now the guy in space. Alone in an incomprehensibly vast system of orbiting bodies and intergalactic phenomena, a mysterious void of cold whispers between the stars illuminating a nihilistic path of introspection whose only logical conclusion is one's own utter insignificance. It's like being a speck of sand sitting on a beach, waiting to be crushed by an ocean so large avoiding its grandeur would be the ultimate effort in futility.

You have never been so happy.



[Ray]: SPAAAAAAAACE




Yes. Space. The finalest frontier. Lifelong dream sure, but you've already spent too much time thinking of increasingly complex metaphors for GEE, SPACE SURE IS BIG. Time to get a move on.

After all, your Lil Bro will want to see this.



[Ray]: Have Tahusprite make the fire go away




You are confident all the fires have been extinguished by the unforgiving vacuum of spaaaaaaaace.



[Ray]: Attempt to captchalogue Tahusprite

Spoiler

Ray: Hey T-sprite
Ray: C'mere
Ray: I need your help to go get my bro.
Ray: Uh....
Ray: What?

[Ray]: What?
























[Ray]: Stick your head out of the window




You decide to not stick your head out of the window because you aren't an cool dude.

What could be so interesting to see out there anyway? You can view the wonders of the cosmos perfectly fine from INSIDE the window.


[Ray]::::

Spoiler

Tahusprite: MY POWERS
Tahusprite: THEY'RE...GONE
Ray: So
Ray: You're officially useless.
Ray: Good to know.
Tahusprite: DON'T YOU WANT SOME EXPOSITION ON WHY
Tahusprite: SOMETHING INSIDE ME SAYS ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU WHAT HAS OCCURRED
Tahusprite: NOT TELLING YOU GETS ME REALLY...HOT AND BOTHERED.
Ray: Meh
Ray: I gotta go get my bro.
Ray: He's gonna be pretty steamed that I've left him hanging this long.
Ray: Great. Now you've got me doing it.
Ray: Just float here and continue to be unhelpful. you can explain it to both of us when I get back.
Tahusprite: I'M CONFUSED
Tahusprite: DO YOU THINK HE'S JUST SITTING IN THAT PILE OF RUBBLE?
Tahusprite: PERFECTLY INTACT?
Ray: Come on, have a little imagination
Ray: He was in a giant, metal robot whose sole purpose in life was to keep things cold.
Ray: Of course he's gonna be
Ray: ...cool
Tahusprite: YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE
Tahusprite: FINE, GO UNEARTH YOUR PERFECTLY INTACT SIBLING
Tahusprite: I WILL READY A FUNERAL PYRE.

 

[Ray]::::

Spoiler

Ray: ...you'll see.
Tahusprite: JUST MAKE HASTE
Tahusprite: WE WILL BE LANDING SOON

[Ray]::::




[Ray]: Trip over a robot



You successfully trip over a robot. This is your greatest achievement thus far.


[Ray]::::





Well THANKS AGAIN BRO. It sure is nice having all these giant toasters under foot! Funny's funny but this has gone on long enough. Who does he think he is, stacking these ironstrocities akimbo like this? Must be some sick mind game - make robots out of things Ray likes, then use them to cause him constant pain and annoyance. What a ######! Your remorse has officially left the building. He deserved a good kick in the pants. Discipline is important for a growing boy after all. Lots and lots of discipline.


[Ray]::::



You're pretty sure he hasn't had nearly enough yet.

Edited by InnerRayg, Apr 15 2013 - 11:16 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Find the nearest weapon and defend yourself



And why would you need to do tha-


[Ray]: Note broken caution tape



Oh good god the basement door's been opened.

[Ray]: Turn around slowly



Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it isn't RIGHT BEHIND YOU, waiting patiently to DO UNSPEAKABLE THINGS. Yes, you are very sure of that. You'll just turn around slowly and everything will be perfectly fine. Haha what mindless killing machine! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Ray]: Keep denying.



Nope! Nothing to worry about here! Your funeral arrangements will have to wait another day because boy are you safe. You couldn't be safer if you were a fine china vase made of egg shells wrapped in a metric ton of bubble wrap. Go ahead and try to drop you, ain't nothin gonna break this egg!

[Ray]::::



Perfectly....safe?

[Ray]::::



AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: STRIFE?



It's impossible to STRIFE because your TOOL CACHE has sadly been completely emptied. You've got no writing utensils left to fight with whatsoever, leaving you completely defenseless.

You're also paralyzed with fear, but that's just a side note.


[Ray]: attempt to aquire Tahusprite's Kanohi Hau



You consider yelling to Tahusprite for help but abstain - for one thing, he just said he was powerless. For another you're still too stubborn to ask that jerksprite for help.

[Ray]: Hop onto the tank and open fire on your attacker.



Yes! Of course! At the last second you pull out your secret PENGUINATOR - the secondary function of your beloved childhood toy that is only to be used in the worst of emergency situations. His BEAK OF JUSTICE is more than enough to decimate even the worst of foes - and it will certainly be more than enough to finish off this ruffian once and for all! You feel a rush of excitement as your once terrifying foe is reduced to ashes, and are shocked to then see scantily clad, cake-laden maidens springing forth from the secondary hatch of your tank. You and your new found friends join together in revelry and delight - but suddenly in a most SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS your throat is obstructed by a PREPOSTEROUSLY LARGE SLICE OF CAKE. Your friends gather and mourn as their joy turns to sorrow in this celebration turned wake. Ashes to ashes, bikini to cake slice.


[Ray]::::



You hope somebody tells people that's how it went at your funeral anyway.


[Ray]::::



It's a shame, you really were looking forward to being alive.

[Ray]::::



Sadly, BUDDYBOT has other plans, and there's nothing you can do.

Except...

[Ray]: Get out of it.



You escape using the only method you can - the somewhat tricky and frequently denigrated PERSPECTASWITCH. Who could you be now? Who, who, who?

Edited by InnerRayg, Apr 25 2013 - 02:32 AM.

[Captain Lavender]

[Ray]: Go east.



You have had just about enough of that exciting stuff for one day. You decide to see what's going on out east, even though your current location has no concievable relation to the cardinal directions in any way.


[Andrew]: Experience hallucinations



You wish this was a hallucination.

Spoiler

glamGuitarist (GG) began aggravating MoochyMensch (MM) at 2:03 EST

GG: What

[Andrew]::::

Spoiler

GG: The ####

[Andrew]::::


 

Spoiler

GG: Happened.

[Andrew]::::


 

Spoiler

MM: Well, pardner, after you went moseyin' off there, I installed the game and got things all set up. Then I decided to check up on ya
MM: I'm glad I did! You were in a right pickle you know.
GG: Yes well I appreciate you using my furniture to extricate me rather than any number of other things.
MM: Gosh!
MM: Gratitude. >:|
GG: And seriously this thing is blocking the whole hallway!
GG: Couldn't you have put this somewhere I wouldn't have to climb the #### over it!!
GG: You are killing my buzz. Killing, haha, get it! Because, hahah - oh, jesus
MM: Hey
MM: Are you going to be okay?
GG: I

GG: yes.

GG: Of course
GG: I'm just...mad...that you killed my couch. You know how much that Bigass Green Couch means to me. I've had it since college! I have a lot of good memories on that couch, with a lot of good, uh, friends.
MM: :/
MM: Just how many are we talkin here
GG: That's irrelevant
MM: >:\
GG: Look, can we change the subject
MM: To what's really botherin you?
GG: No

[Andrew]::::

Spoiler

GG: Maybe to what the ###### these things in my house are, anyway
MM: Well! I was giving the manual a gander, and -
GG: Never mind. Don't tell me. I guess this is all instant karma for doing the same thing to Ray's house.
GG: UGGGH where am I ever going to get a deal this good on rent again? I'll have to move south of the river. ######, there's no way I'm getting my security deposit back.
MM: I reckon you're distracting yourself with things that ain't so relevant right now.
GG: Humour me.
GG: And could you drop the fake accent already!
MM: No
GG: >:\
MM: Look, buddy
MM: I know you're upset and I know you're trying to cover that up right now, but-

MoochyMensch has abruptly gone amiss

[Andrew]::::

Spoiler

GG: Hannah? Hannah?

[Andrew]: Wonder how this could get any worse.



This is too much. This is far too much. At the beginning of today, your biggest stress was a dumb video game you didn't want to play and some missing fries. Now your apartment is rubble and your friend has been murdered.

Mr. Li...


[Andrew]: Investigate glowing light



Now what is this little bugger anyway?


[Andrew]::::



It's pretty cute, you suppose. A little sparkly sprite or sorts, all glam and glittery. Seems like it's starved for some attention. It's cool, little, buddy. You know what it's like to need a friend.


[Andrew]: Follow sparkly sprite



The feisty little ###### leads you into your bedroom, which is in complete disarray. Looks like Hannah did damage to far more than just the couch in here.



[Andrew]: The Poster!



Oh no! Your Bowie poster!



[Andrew]::::



You remember when you first got this poster. Hannah was there that day. Of course, she was always there, back then. You two were stuck together like glue, in more ways than one. Some of her tastes in music were pretty questionable, but you could always get together over a Bowie record.


[Andrew]::::



But now it's broken too, just like everything else between you and her.


[Andrew]::::



Just like everything in general.



[Andrew]::::



You need a hero...



[Andrew]::::



Wait, who...?


[Andrew]::::

[Captain Lavender]

[Andrew]:  DAVID BOWIE SPRITE.



DAVID BOWIE!!!!!


[Andrew]: Hug Bowie


 

Spoiler

BOWIESPRITE: Hello there, love.

 

[Andrew]: !

Spoiler

Andrew: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT'S YOU HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE OH MY GOD I'M EXPLODING I LOV EYOU WHAT MAY I DO FOR YOU OH MY GOD DAVID BOWIE LET ME BOW TO YOU
BOWIESPRITE:  There there, now - there's no time for that. You've got a game to play and friends to help!
Andrew: Bowie, oh Bowie, you've got it all wrong; I can't save anybody!  Oh David Bowie, oh Bowie, I'm so afraid and miserable and alone please save me Bowie I love you.  I'm alone and sad.
BOWIESPRITE: Oh no, love, you're not alone.  You're watching yourself, but you're too unfair.  You've got your head all tangled up, but if I could only make you care -
Andrew: But what can I do?  Everything hurts and I don't know if you understand...I'm no action man...I can't save anyone
BOWIESPRITE: I understand.  All the knives seem to lacerate your brain.  I've been there too; I'll help you with the pain

 

[Andrew]: omg

Spoiler

BOWIESPRITE: Give me your hands - because you're wonderful

 

[Andrew]: <3

Spoiler

BOWIESPRITE: Though nothing will drive them away

 

[Andrew]: :')

Spoiler

BOWIESPRITE:  We can be heroes, just for one day

 

[Andrew]: Be EPICALLY AWESOME!!


He's right.  He's absolutely right.  And of course he is; he's David ###### Bowie.  Invigorated by the power of glam, and his seductive, glittery gaze, you rise to your feet.

You've been given the gift of sound and vision, and there's no time to be low.


[Andrew]: Go forth and conquer




[Roomie]: Awaken





Suddenly a bigger problem appears.



[Andrew]::::



vengeance burns in the fiery gaze of the colossus.  He's come for you.

Ground Control to Major Tom...your circuit's dead; is something wrong?


[Andrew]::::



Can you hear me, Major Tom?



[Andrew]::::





[Andrew]::::


Yeah...

[Andrew]::::



I'm glad you're okay too, buddy

[Tufi Piyufi]

[Andrew]: Go north



You go so far north that you are now CP. Your reluctant hunt is nearly at its end.

[CP]::::

[CP]::::



Dad did always love this country. At least he loved something.

[CP]: Be aggravated



Oh good! Hannah's always your go-to gal when it comes to putting things off.

[CP]::::

Spoiler

MoochyMensch (MM) began aggravating cardinalPuffin (CP) at 10:11 PST

MM: howdy!
CP: why, hello, eh

You proceed to have this distracting conversation we've already seen, successfully putting off your chore just a little bit longer.

[CP]::::



Well, you're fresh out of distraction. You resume your search.

[CP]::::

[CP]::::



Right where he said it'd be.

[CP]: Grab mysterious package



You successfully captchalogue what is without a doubt the exact same game all your friends are supposed to be playing today. Your KATAMARI MODUS collects its various artifacts through SIZE DISTILLATION, which is so obvious that you really don't see why anyone would ever need an explanation...Yet you are inexplicably compelled to give one anyway. ARTIFACTS inside the MODUS shift down through the cards based on their size - until they become too large to fit, and from then on nothing can go further down. Your anguished expository ducts begin to ache as you ploddingly go on to note that you obviously can only use whatever ARTIFACT is on the top most occupied card.

[CP]::::

[CP]::::

[CP]::::

[CP]::::

Spoiler

InebriatedDictator (ID) began aggravating cardinalPuffin (CP) at 10:00 PST

ID: Stop messing around and get that game already.
ID: It is probably in the other box.
ID: Hannah's not going to help you find the disk, you know.

CardinalPuffin is ardently avoiding you

ID: I am not going to stop bothering you.
CP: yeah, yeah
CP: I got it, didn't I
CP: I just need a little moral support up in the attic
ID: It is just an attic.
ID: And it is just your best hope of surviving today.
CP: I was up to my elbows in uncut Canlit
CP: that's a warning sign if I ever saw one
ID: He just kept it where he knew you would look for it.
CP: well, according to you, I don't have time for this
CP: I'll get back to you when it's installed

[CP]::::

Spoiler

graphicalPerfectionist (GP) began aggravating cardinalPuffin (CP) at 10:17 PST

GP: hey hey puffin queen
CP: what is it
GP: how is it going
CP: what do you want
GP: hello to you too haha
GP: so uh, this is totes awkward
GP: but you know, how is everybody?
GP: you know, everybody in particular?
CP: 'everybody in particular' hasn't talked to me or anybody else that I know of in ages
CP: so I don't know
CP: I think she's too busy in her new boat house to chat
GP: huh, okay
GP: sorry
GP: how is canada?
CP: same as it's ever been
GP: that sounds fun
GP: hey, did you know i almost died today?
CP: really
GP: so i was on my bike
GP: and then there was a car
CP: I see where this is going

cardinalPuffin (CP) blocked graphicalPerfectionist (GP)

[CP]::::

Spoiler

glamGuitarist (GG) began aggravating cardinalPuffin (CP) at 10:18 PST

GG: OH GREAT EMPRESS
GG: WE MUST ROCK TOGETHER
CP: Lay off the sauce, guy

cardinalPuffin went away at 1:18 PM EST

[CP]::::



The day's already off to a great start. You're going offline before anybody else has a chance to annoy you.

[CP]: Return to room



It's going to be a long day. If you don't unwind now, you won't get another chance. You'll just be a knotted, tangled mess.

[CP]::::

[CP]: Introduction?



Your name is JENNIFER PIYUFI. You're... not especially comfortable with introducing yourself to others, honestly. But if it'll buy you peace, you'll acquiesce.

Sweet JESUS do you love yarn. Or knitting. You're not too sure which one you love more. You love to make pretty much whatever you can from lengths of fancy string, but your true passion lies in your handmade PLUSH CRITTERS. They bring life to the vast space in your half-abandoned mansion, and they're incredibly satisfying to make. You're especially pleased with the creations you make just for your friends. One of those is easily worth a stuffed third drawing room.

You live in a giant mansion you shared with your father before... You live in a giant mansion. Alone. A giant, echoing, empty mansion. You've only worked up the courage to try filling it with your friends once. Results were... mixed.

You met these same friends through (no bias) your favourite plastic construction toy site. After getting acquainted with the specific product line, you took to the aspect where it was socially acceptable to throw out the bits you didn't like and make your own. You took a little too well, and eventually became an administrator of that same site. Fortunately, for a very ironic definition of fortune, there was no longer any possible conflict of interest.

Your SARCHASMIC DEPTHS know no bounds. British comedians weep at the thought of meeting you in their nightmares. Unlike some comedians, though, you never mean any harm by it.

You failed to inherit your father's maxed-out INEBRIATED FERMENTATION, to your occasional regret. How were you supposed to know that's how the administrator hierarchy was established?

Well. That's more than enough chatter for now. Whew.

[Tufi Piyufi]

[Jen]: Contemplate overall superiority of Penguins to Puffins



Now that's complete... ly preposterous. Anyone in their right mind would see that puffins are far greater creatures than penguins. There's nothing like the sight of a puffin with its beak completely packed with fish. Most of your friends agree that puffins are infinitely more charming than penguins could ever hope to be. Those that don't...

Well, it's not the reason why they're insufferable, but it sure doesn't help.

[Jen]: Examine rainbow wall





That's no ordinary rainbow wall. That's your CRAFT BLOG APPROVED yarn stash display. Usually, these things are organized so precisely you're not sure if their owners ever actually take any yarn down to use, but you couldn't resist loading up these shelves with some of the basics. You could make the biggest and gaudiest afghan with these fine fibre wares, or maybe like twenty sweaters. Sweaters for everybody!

[Jen]: Make jewelry out of yarn



Besides not going with a single thing you own, yarn jewelry's a little... summer camp for your tastes. You'll save the yarn for other things.

[Jen]: Use your yarn to make a jump rope and, well, play jump rope with it.



You'd really rather pass on the i-cord if you can help it. Even when you've got a tool specifically for making it, it's quite the ordeal. It's just so much easier on your blood pressure to avoid it.

Just thinking about the stupid thing makes you want to stab the nearest target. Your TOOL CACHE is all too eager to supply the NEEDLEKIND you'll need for that endeavour. Sometimes you suspect it doesn't think very highly of your restraint.

[Jen]: Oh Canada!



You're a fan of Canada, sure. When it comes down to it, you'd rather be Canadian than anything else. But... you'll pass on the big, flashy patriotism, please. You've seen what that does to people. And you've seen what that does to the people around them.

[Jen]: Drop everything, knit up a million plush Puffins.



Why would you do that?



After all...



You've got quite a few already. You keep them stashed in your CLOSET, like any sane person would. Your absolute favourite, your PUFFINDRAGON, is still sitting right where you left her in one of the other rooms. You make a note to retrieve her before you get down to all this heavy game business.

[Jen]: Lavish Yourself in Eccentric Accoutrements from the Cardinal House of Puffin



It is true you've got some nice clothes, which you keep in your CLOTHESET, like any sane person would. That tends to happen when you hang around people mortified by seeing the same outfit twice in their lives. Not really your call, but you got some good parties out of it. You'll pass on the more extravagant pieces for now.

[Jen]: Play dress up.



You go through some of your everyday pieces, but the decision you made earlier today stands. No last-minute clothing changes for you!

[Jen]: socks socks socks socks socks also novelty ties



No ties today, but yes to the socks. Always yes to the socks. Unless socks wouldn't go with the outfit. Then socks go on the sidelines, ready for when they'll be called into action.

Among your collection of handmade and purchased socks are these beauties. The rainbow ones are literally the most intense socks you've ever seen. You love them so much.

[Tufi Piyufi]

[Jen]: Take Puffindoll



You take one puffin, and another. The good news: you're now loaded for puffin bear. The bad news: it's going to be a bit of a hassle to get the game back out.

Oh no. Whatever will you do.

[Jen]: Knit something



Not very likely. For once, you don't have a million unfinished projects on the go, and you don't feel like working on any of the ones that you do. And anyways, you'd feel better having as many needles at the ready as you can.

[Jen]: Retrieve Arms







Like these guys. You can never have enough needles. Before the day ends, you may need to shove a lot of aluminum into something. Or somebody.

[Jen]: Examine cool aliens on poster



You don't get it. Despite your deeply-entrenched astrophobia (no way are you calling it xenophobia), this quirky and light-hearted Japanese game series clicked with you. You found yourself compelled by the story of a distant, powerful father bringing ruin to the universe and dispatching his only son to fix it all again. It just seems like a great allegory.

Or maybe it's the music. You decide it must be the music.

[Jen]::::



Metroid, on the other hand, is just cool. Shooting a bunch of foul alien scum? Yes please. You've spent many a joyful hour using your real-world alien-fighting know-how to beat up every space pirate that crosses your path. In those moments, it's all almost worth it.

[Jen]::::



It sure is a good thing nobody can see you right now.

[Tufi Piyufi]

[Jen]: Realize that you ARE being watched




Highly unlikely. Somebody would have to bug the whole house or have crazy spy satellites or something. The painful reprecussions for the watcher go without saying. You roll your eyes and continue doing the gunarm thing because, duh, why would you need to stop.

[Jen]: Play with dollhouse




That's the thing, isn't it? A dollhouse is a toy, but you can't really play with it on its own. You can admire it, but opening and closing the door over and over again is pretty sad recreation. The good news is that the answer was in the name the whole time. It was never about the house. It was always about the dolls.

[Jen]: Play with dolls in the house



That's more like it. This stage needs some actors on it. The motlier the troupe, the better. That's how it works in real life, anyways. You retrieve your containers from underneath the bed.

[Jen]: Retrieve dolls



If BBC leadership was determined by STUDTRACTION, you'd be stuck in middle management forever. Fortunately, you're free to maintain your hold on the ABS Throne while swearing at ball joints that refuse to stick no matter what. You build what you like, and that's good enough for you. Sometimes that means paying homage to the amazing Toa Metru construction style. Sometimes that means making a walking oven.

[Jen]::::



Yes. Today is Convay's time to shine.

[Jen]::::



You've got a good bunch of players. But you don't have a full roster yet.

[Jen]: Get more dolls



Drawing from multiple sources is a great way to achieve balance. Today, balance will be achieved with Tohu, this other head guy over here, aaaaaand... a beaver. Yes. This will work.

[Jen]: Actually, finally play with the dollhouse



Okay, okay, fine. Today's story is called "A Farewell to Limbs". Once upon a time, Jimi and Casanuva were hanging out, baking something. You don't know what. Just baking. Convay was there too, despite starting to suspect he was only ever invited so Jimi and Casanuva would have something to cook with. Sometimes they'd call Convay just to stand in front of him for hours in the winter.

[Jen]::::



Well, Convay was tired of being used. He was tired of hearing Casanuva's lame story for the ninth time. The worst part was, he'd figured it out by now. No, Casa, it is literally impossible for you to have romanced your latest fling at the Glitter Craft Faire last month. They shut that thing down after the first one. People were scarred. Forever glittered. And you're stupid for believing him, Jimi.

[Jen]::::



But those cookies of truth would never be baked. Jimi's crazy neighbor Yatta is freaking out bigtime about something.

[Jen]::::



What's that, boy? There's a sweet fight down the road? A... a literal head-to-head showdown? Oh, that's why you're so excited. You've been sitting on that pun for a while, haven't you.

Only one thing to do now...

[Jen]::::



Let's ride.

[Jen]::::







Looks like they got here just in time. Today's the day when the tension between Tohu and Moe breaks. It's going to be spectacular. There is no way a fight this anticipated can be a letdown.

[Jen]::::





I've had enough of your shenanigans! You're banned!" "You can't ban me, I was never yours to ban!" "I'm gonna ban you from my eyes, and your eyes from your head!" "Oooooh tough talk, why don't you just claw them out, then!" "You're double banned! And you can't come to my barbecue!" "That's it!"

[Jen]::::



"You going to try something? Go on! Try!" "You asked for it!"

[Jen]::::



You freely admit this isn't the greatest choreography ever. To be fair, there's not a lot of fighting you can do with a couple of heads. You basically just mash them together and hope for... the...

[Jen]: Get brilliant idea



Of course. Why didn't you see it before? You need to share this idea with someone who'd appreciate it, and fast.

[Jen]: Pester Andrew

Spoiler

cardinalPuffin (CP) began aggravating glamGuitarist (GG) at 10:45 PST

CP: guy
CP: I've got it
CP: I'm knitting Huki and Maku dolls that really kiss
CP: it's going to be so adorable
CP: magnets, yo
GG: pfffffffftt
GG: why not maker
GG: HUKI and HAFU dolls that kiss! !11
CP: because that opens up a whole new can of magnet compatibility issues
CP: can't deny people their OTPs, after all
CP: but fine, just for you
GG: I'll buy twentrty
GG: WAIT
GG: Taksua.......and.......jala
GG: the MOST FLAMNG pair
GG: ;0
CP: alright, alright, it's on the list
CP: you did not, in fact, lay off the sauce, did you, guy
CP: comma comma comma
GG:
CP: I'm just getting this feeling
GG: guilty.. .
GG: you have thsdi annoyring tendency to be SRIGHT all the rime
GG: time
CP: yeah, it's such a pain
CP: wait, you're not actually playing, are you?
CP: are video games just that horrifying that you need to dull the shock somehow?
CP: consider the point made, sheesh
GG: YOU DNT UNDERSTAND A VIDEO GAME KILLED MY FATHER
GG: I MUST AVNEGE HIM
CP: okay, guy, I'm gonna be honest
CP: I'm just -barely- able to let that one go right now
CP: just that kinda day
GG: ...
GG: i'dm sorry
GG: its beena bady day
CP: I know
CP: I know you didn't mean anything by it
GG: yeahf
CP: it's just not really the kind of thing that ever goes away
GG: no, i know
GG: youu know i know
GG: mnan
GG: sooory i'm like this right now how are you
CP: not too bad, I suppose
CP: nothing's burning down or anything
CP: that's always awesome
GG: thst teminds me
GG: *reminds
GG: look, your know i trsut you more than
GG: well
GG: anywbody
GG: i gotta confess something to you
GG: i''m a little unsettled by this whole ggame thing
CP: you got used to the moving picture television box, didn't you?
CP: video games aren't real, don't worry
GG: no ######., no, see
GG: hoow much do you know about this game?
CP: as much as I can drag out kicking and screaming
CP: not as much as I'd like
CP: guy, what's going on?
GG: hokay
GG: trhis is goign to sound crazy
GG: the came affects reality
GG: game*
GG: and I DNOT MEAN THE DAVID BOWIE ALBUM
GG: which is honestly one of his lesser works but ssis still really good
CP: I'm not having a hard enough time believing that
GG: ???
CP: it's just, you say something like that, and I think about allllll the things I don't know about this game
CP: (like will it or will it not make my computer explode)
CP: and those 'this is crazy' bells aren't going off like they should
GG: Iii told you i coulds core a new sound/graphhics card for you man i know whweere to look
GG: like i'm telling you i knoo a dude
CP: no, I think I've got it
CP: if only to make ID stop spouting specs at me constantly
GG: that................GUY
CP: I know right
GG: what a doooooooooooooofus
GG: ugh
GG: no, ssee you don't understand
GG: the game is REAL
CP: so, like, some ARG thing?
GG: Argh???
CP: because I'm not obsessive enough for one
CP: never mind
CP: so
CP: how real is real?
GG: like
GG: llike
GG: i liiterqlly was watching ray and put out a fire inhis house
GG: like
GG: and
GG: i tjhnk i delete dpart og america
GG: of*
CP: you guys have too many states anyways
CP: wait wait wait
CP: fire?
CP: is everything alright over there?
GG: ray's housebwas on fire
GG: litke literally!
GG: i mean i put it out so it's cool now
CP: oh, okay
CP: that makes everything all better, obviously
GG: ://////
CP: completely negates the fact that
CP: yeah, it's hitting me
CP: I think I need a minute
GG: a minute?
CP: what, not enough time?
CP: since apparently houses are -on fire-
CP: and you're putting them out with -video games-
CP: tight schedule, I realize
GG: look i'm not fhgoing to prentend i unsterstand this ######
GG: to be hhonest
GG: i'm frightend
CP: I don't know what I can do
CP: don't even know what I should say any more
GG: i don't eeither
CP: well
CP: you put out a fire, right?
CP: just keep on doing that
CP: only proverbially
CP: god, I don't know
GG: well look
GG: i didn't want to scare you or anythingg
GG: i ,ean i would make a jjoke about you being incapable of fear but, you know, we know each a little to welll for that
GG: i guess i just wanted to ssayh
GG: ii mean
GG: ghh
GG: i just rwanted to say
GG: i'm rewally concerned about this game
GG: and
GG: i want to makee sure you play
GG: because
GG: well, becasue i'm afraid of what's goinf to happen to those who dont
GG: and furthermore
GG: yyou know i suck at this
GG: and right now
GG: i really coulsd use sometone to
GG: well
GG: watch my back
GG: nott o be needy or anything :||||||
CP: I'll be there
CP: just gimme a bit
GG: aighht nio worries
GG: i just don't want your house to burn down too aight
GG: or, at all
CP: that would suck pretty badly
CP: just keep playing
GG: yes, empress
CP: think shark, guy
GG: shhhhhhhark>
CP: wait, wrong one
CP: sorry
GG: i tTHINK for the moemnt
GG: i'll keep thinkin 'kraken'
CP: I swear I've finally got those down
GG: wink wonkl
CP: never change
GG: <3
CP: be careful out there
GG: you too
GG: later, yo
CP: later

[Tufi Piyufi]

[Jen]: Take a walk



You could stretch your legs a bit. Get your thoughts in order and all that. But you're going to have to get down to business soon, so it'll have to be short. You'll just go take care of a few last things.

[Jen]: Ponder why you like Metroid if you're afraid of space



No, no. You're not scared of space itself. You're just not a fan of the aliens that are overwhelmingly likely to occupy space. Your father made sure to imbue you with the appropriate aggression and assassination aptitude to subdue any alien invaders. You know, just in case. Because, to be perfectly honest, it's not going to come up.

And here you are, instincts and training, all the same. Nobody ever accused you of having a sane childhood.

[Jen]: Regain your sanity



Sorry, can't do that. Things have just been getting worse these last few years, actually. Dad's gone, you can hardly keep track anymore of which friends hate each other, and now all this game business... It's starting to be a bit much. But what can you do? Just keep pushing on.

Hey, at least you don't have to worry about the site?...

[Jen]::::



You prepare to enter the sanctum of the main study. This was your father's office. This was where he warned you about the extraterrestrial. And now it's where you keep something important.

[Jen]::::



Well, now you're awake!

[S...?][Jen]: DIE ALIEN SCUM!



Face to face with your mortal enemy, the thing your father trained you for years to despise, you deploy your shining needles in what will assuredly be a most epic showdown. Wow, you really are excited for this - watching the numbers on the loading screen tick up, you get antsier and antsier to see it.

Boy this sure is taking a long time.

[Jen]::::



Alright here we go. Oh yes, things are really heating up.

[Jen]::::



It's...uh...

Just an old training dummy.

What a let down.

[Jen]: Recall the last alien you beat up



Well, uh... that guy? You have literally never met an alien before. It doesn't seem to come up very often. Or at all.