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[InnerRayg]

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[???]:BZPSTUCK


You find yourself visiting one of your old favorite places on the Internet. It's been awhile since you've been to this little community but that classic logo and striking visage still stare down at you with a pleasant and not at all unnerving glare. That open mouth. Those cold eyes. What's not to love?

Better log in fast.

[???]:Login





You shudder as you enter in the old username. You wonder if anyone even remembers that name on the forums anymore. It wasn't long ago that your posts were considered legends, a regular accolade of clapping and shouts of "hear hear!" accompanying each in succession. You would find yourself hoisted upon the backs of your servile fans, and though you would humbly murmur "no, please, you don't have to" they would insist on carrying you lovingly to a place of honor atop the highest point of the forums. Yes, you're pretty sure that's exactly how it used to happen. You're absolutely certain of it.

[???]:Enter Password



Never can be too careful.

[???]: Check the Forums



Oh.

Right.

You forgot the forums have just gone down for a series of upgrades. The news said it should only be a few days. You guess that's not too long to wait, even if it stretches out for say, a week or two. At least you'll have something to take up your time

[???]::::





[???]: Log off



Yeah, you've been letting this electronic gizmo take hold of your life for too long now. Time to get down and get busy. Time to take this to the next level and really STEP UP. What you're trying to say is it's time for you to get some REAL SERIOUS IMPORTANT BUSINESS taken care of.

BUT HOW CAN YOU GET BUSY WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME??

[???]: Well?



Yeah, that looks absolutely perfect. Good job.

[???]: Okay seriously



Oh come on that first name was perfect! You guess you can begrudgingly accept this secondary obvious cipher. Life's rough sometimes.

[S]:[REALITY]:SHIFT

(All [S]: links will have SOUND!)

Did....did reality just blink for a second there??

Frivolation Indulged? What is this some lame achievement system? Yeah, that's basically all it could be.

Man you feel so incentivized to waste more time doing pointless tasks now!

Edited by InnerRayg, Feb 22 2012 - 07:15 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]::::



Well, now that you know who you are, you figure that it's probably about time to introduce yourself properly to yourself. That's right. Better get your Shift key ready, we're about to get SERIOUS.

Your name is RAYMOND ADAMS, but you go by RAY for short. Today you are waiting inside your ROOM for a PACKAGE sent by a mysterious FRIEND, on behalf of an even more mysterious BLOCK MANUFACTURING EMPIRE. You're getting pretty tired of waiting. Luckily, you have the magical ability to PROCRASTINATE THROUGH IMAGINATION. Like pretending you don't know your own name and turning it into a GAME ABSTRACTION.

You are a man of varied interests. Seriously. You have at least three or four. You have a love for those miniature plastic men called ACTION FIGURES. They act as little enablers for your somewhat CRIPPLING ADDICTION to creating fanciful worlds in your mind. Perhaps your greatest dream of all is to someday truly visit other worlds, to explore the depths of the cosmos. There is almost no chance of that happening.

You love to exercise your ARTISTIC MERIT and have leveled up in that skill almost exclusively since you were a child. Some people would say you should try to balance out your abilities by having a varied approach, but that smart form of playing IS FOR CHUMPS. In real life and the virtual world you always tend to focus on maxing out one powerful ability while leaving the others crippled and begging for nourishment. FEED ME they cry out, but you just look down and smack the empty bowl from their hands.

Sometimes your imagination is kind of MESSED UP.

Finally, you tend to have something of an INFLATED EGO. But of course that's just what the losers call it. Bunch of WHINERS. Luckily you have a group of pretty great FRIENDS who back you up. When they're not trying to mess with you.

So, you have the entire world at your disposal. Almost limitless potential here. What you gonna do PUNK?

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]:Retrieve Arms and Legs

All limbs here and accounted for captain.
What formulaic joke should we explore next, officer?

[Ray]:Indulge Frivolation

Your amount of FRIVOLATIONS INDULGED has just increased by 100%, from one to two. In other words, you have climbed another pointless rung of success in a game where the only winning move is to gag yourself and hope and pray into your porcelain toilet that the floating head reflected by their waters has nothing left to retch up.

You're pretty sure these annoying things don't do anything, and you're even more sure they're going to pop up as often as possible for the most trivial of achievements.

This is going to be a long day.

[Ray]:Look out the WINDOW.

Window?

What window?

You try not to look at that set of walls very often.

[Ray]:Play with your ACTION FIGURES.

Play?

Please, these are just icons of a bygone era. Sure, you still have fond memories of pretending to harness the elements and bending them to your will. Who hasn't fantasized about creating lava tornadoes, honestly? Still, you've grown since then and insist all your inner fantasies be based on far more mature content.

YESSIREE, THESE PLAYTHINGS OF YOUR YOUTH ARE JUST A NOSTALGIC MEMORY AND NOTHING MORE! SURE NO CHANCE OF YOU DELVING INTO A FANTASTIC WORLD OF IMAGINATION HERE!

Yeah, that should convince anyone eavesdropping. Coast looks clear.

Oh yeah!

Oh no!

Edited by InnerRayg, Feb 15 2012 - 03:04 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]:Squawk like a Gukko Bird and Fizz on your Bionicles

You let out a noise not unlike what a fictional mechanical hummingbird would make if they accidentally caused so much friction that their room was in danger of combustion. In order to put out the fire you have to make use of the only liquid you have on hand at this point. You go ahead and suck it up, better alive and ashamed than proud and extra crispy, you almost never say.

The fire is out, the disgusting deed done. You agree with yourself to never speak of this to anyone.

That was your last soda and everything.

[Ray]:Open Inventory.

Burnt, covered in carbonated soda, and dropped? This toy is gonna need some serious cleaning. Your MOOD RING MODUS codifies your extreme disgust at the mess and calculates the exact emotional spectrum for your CAPTCHALOGUE CARD so that you can CAPTCHALOGUE it into your SYLLADEX.

There's no way any of those ridiculous made-up words make even the slightest bit of sense to anyone.

[Ray]:Brace for REWARD

You tense yourself in preparation for that aggravating congratulatory ding dong of mediocrity you've come to know and despise, but it seems this action looks a little too much like it's actually -achieving- something for it to be worthy of a pointlessness trophy.

Oh but it's coming. You can feel it.

Edited by InnerRayg, Feb 17 2012 - 05:52 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]:prepare burial at sea for Dr. Pepper

Dr. Pepper? Never heard of him. This fine nectar you've so precariously splashed about your abode is none other then CANNUS GENERICUS, the PLAINEST OF PLAIN. His noble fight to assure the innocuous and un-infringing rights of otherwise insufferable copyright dodgers everywhere is to be looked upon with admiration and love. He served well and fought many a successful battle for anonymity. This is why he is to be given a WARRIORS funeral barge. This flaming nautical navigator will carry his once lustrous carapace into a beautiful land of aluminum wonder, a place where all good cans are said to travel when emptied of their contents. After all, everyone knows that emptying a can is essentially killing it. In our own little way, we're all murders, each and every time we feel the need for some of that Chicken Noodle Sloop or Freeze Dried Vegefables.

And that's terrible.

But in reality you're nowhere near a body of water, so your sadness codifies the next handy captchalogue card and again deposits it into your sylladex. Alright, starting to get the hang of it! Congratulatory backslaps are definitely in order for you buddy.

[Ray]:pick up that cool helmet over there and see if it fits your head

Okay this helmet is clearly not made for you. For some reason you still get excited about pretending to be a buff space marine on mars or whatever dumb videogame thing it is you would do.

Okay stop it. You're just getting weird

[Ray]:swivel in swivel chair

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]::::

Man that was not a good decision. You decide to space out on your computer for awhile so you can regain your composure.

[Ray]: Check for other games on computer.

Amongst your list of digital FOG games, there lies the fan favorite PARTICLE DECAY, a striking adventure that ends on a gripping cliffhanger. Needless to say the ten years you've waited for a sequel have been somewhat...cantankerous. It also spawned thousands of imitators and copies, most of which weren't very good. You've tried a few but frankly all of them feel a little pale and tasteless in their direct thievery of concepts and themes. You'd like to think people would be more original then that.

With any luck, you'll be adding a new game to this list very soon.

[Ray]:Engage in socialization.

After a few more minutes of spacing out, you are suddenly accosted by an AGGRAVATING ACQUAINTANCE, which is another way of saying a BFFF. Nobody's really sure what any of those letters stand for.

Spoiler

glamGuitarist (GG) began aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 12:15 CST

GG: hey dude
IR: Woah hey man
IR: sorry I was uh
IR: busy there for a second
GG: busy?
GG: *eyesbrows go up and down*
GG: eyebrows*
IR: Put those eyesbrows down
GG: never
GG: these eyebrows are straight up dangerous addicts
GG: if I don't keep them up, they're gonna take another hit of arch
GG: again and again
GG: then they'll move onto furrowing
IR: oh man that stuff's dangerous don't you know
IR: listen man you need to seek help
IR: I worry about you brows
GG: i'm trying to browbeat them into seeking help but the situation is pretty hairy
IR: I can see expressing yourself is pretty difficult, and I fur it will not get any easier
IR: we can't monobrow this to go on
GG: yeah, that's be a unibrow-laterally bad decision
IR: alright gonna just go ahead and stomp on this little punnery thread now it's embrowsing
IR: and also this is the third time we've used the word brow
IR: pretty sure that gets a disqualification
IR: no champion belt for us
GG:
IR: so hey today's the day
IR: he's been talking about it for forever
IR: I'm pretty excited
GG: the day?
GG: doris day?
IR: yeah man the day
IR: the day of "our reckoning"
GG: oh man, hahaha
GG: that
GG: the day we'll all have pestilence and terror and blood-curdling screams if we don't play this thing our boss is shoving on us?
IR: that day exactly
GG: you know, I'd forgotton until you used the 'Reckoning" thing he keeps saying
GG: forgotton? forgotten? I don't even know anymore.
IR: Straight up FROGOT
IR: Frog
IR: Robot
IR: ribbit
GG: straight up amphibian cyborg boss right there
GG: gonna use his prehensile robotongue to fight evil
IR: haha this is the worst idea I've ever heard
IR: let's do something with it later
GG: I'll file with top priority
IR: absolutely
IR: so do you have the game ID's supposed to be sending us on Lego's behalf?
IR: mine hasn't shown up yet I don't think
GG: uhhh
IR: Probably need to check the mail again
GG: I haven't checked my mail yet but my housemate got home a few minutes ago so he might've grabbed it
IR: oh god not that guy
GG: haha yeah, god
GG: let's cling to the hope it's safely tucked away at the leasing office or something
GG: othwise we're gonna have danger of some straight up MISANPHILLIC ANTRICS for me to get that package
IR: I can imagine nothing more antithetical to your interests
IR: well secretly I do hope he has it though. I love playing games
IR: I wish we knew more about this one
IR: other then it takes two players...which means us, since nobody else is on other than our Canadian brother
IR: and I'm a little mad at him for sending all those parts to my bro.
GG: ugh
IR: still, it's Lego, it's gotta be fun right?
IR: lego things are always fun...right?
GG: well
GG: I don't know
GG: they did make galidor
IR: SHHHHH
IR: shhhhhh
IR: well you should go see if that game has come yet. I probably will too pretty shortly.
GG: man, see, it's easy for you
GG: you just have to go to your mailbox and fetch a little package
GG: I've got to deal with serious danger to my dignity, patience, and positivism
IR: That violent monster
GG: you don't know the half of it
GG: always hittin' me with those negative waves
IR: I have no doubt
IR: it must be torture
IR: luckily all I have to deal with is steely eyed machines who won't hesitate to crush me in a second if I get in their way
IR: no where near the same
IR: Well, I wish you luck
IR: meet back here in fifteen
GG: all right cool i'll immediately start dicking around like always
IR: I agree dicking around is probably the most crucial part of this whole plan
IR: good luck
GG: <3

glamGuitarist (GG) ceased aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR)

Spoiler

technicalDropout (TD) began aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 12:17 CST

TD: Hey ray
TD: Ray
TD: Rayrayrayrayray
IR: holy cow
IR: it has been literally less than a second
IR: are you just existing in some hyper accelerated state or something
IR: typing at a thousand words per second and wondering why it takes everyone an hour to respond?
TD: No man just wanted your attention to talk to you about some stuff
TD: You know like the absolute most chill bretheren
TD: Speaking of how was your brothers last shipment did that come in
TD: (no worries if it didn't i suppose)
IR: ugh
IR: you know I hate talking to him
IR: and you know I hate you working with him
IR: seriously why would be so eager to facilitate what is almost 100% certain to be the cause of my death some day
IR: do you hate me man?
IR: what did I do
IR: I will grovel if that's what it takes
IR: look, here I am
IR: sacrificing an animal to make peace with your family
IR: let it settle this ancient feud
IR: "baaaa"
IR: stab stab
TD: No stop stabbing the lamb that is totally not cool
TD: Its nothing personal man i just cant help but spread the miracle of sound
TD: Its like
TD: Its what i was meant to do
TD: Provide mirth to the masses
TD: And your brother he is my congregation
TD: A weird little robot loving tabernacle
IR: I can see it now
IR: you all have beautiful robes
IR: frankly I don't think the popemobile is tall enough for you though
IR: your head would poke right through the roof of that thing
TD: Popemobiles notwithstanding i think hes really starting to get the cut of my jib
TD: And if you werent such a technophobe you might see that
TD: He just needs to learn to be less creepy with his choice of frames
TD: (what is up with that weird fox one)
IR: oh god
IR: please don't bring that up
IR: I mean having a gigantic robot staring at you while you sleep all night is one thing
IR: but then that robotic nightmare zoo?
IR: Ugh
IR: I get night terrors man
IR: screaming, cold sweat, everything
IR: anyway I need to go play with Andrew
IR: I meant in a game btw
TD: Yes yes I know the game
TD: Thats what i wanted to talk to you about
IR: did I lose the game?
IR: shoot
TD: Shoooosh
TD: I just wanted to let you know that this game is getting me all kinds of excited and i cant wait to play and everything
TD: But i think we also need to be a little cautious before we all go off the deep end and play with each other
TD: Game-wise
TD: Do you even know how to play it
IR: pretty sure it's WASD
IR: spacebar is jump
IR: left click let's you shoot, right click is use
TD: Ray this is serious
TD: I mean im pretty sure it is
TD: (from what i can gather)
IR: I remember ID gave us all a huge lecture explaining the importance of this game
IR: that's how I know it's gonna be something to put off and not do till the last minute
IR: which as it turns out is something you're helping me with right now!
IR: sweet
IR: *checks off on checklist*
TD: It s just okay i know this sounds a little weird but ive been dreaming about playing this game
TD: And the way i understand it is its kinda like lego universe
TD: Only people will be playing it
IR: heheh oh snap
IR: so like, collect parts, build cool things, blast around space on cute little rockets?
IR: sounds about right for a Lego game
TD: This is all very true and great and accurate
TD: But i guess you could say that its a little more immersive than anything before
TD: I dunno i imagine ill have a better idea when i actually get my copy
TD: Did you get yours
IR: that's what I'm going to find out
IR: was just about to go out to the old mailbox and check
IR: I've got a hot date with GG to play it and I don't want to miss it
TD: Okay
TD: Excellent well i wish you the best of luck
TD: Keep me informed of your progress if you would be so kind
IR: I will if you promise to stop cavorting around with my lil bro
TD: Haha no worries that one is definitely the last shipment
IR: bout dang time
IR: alright, peace out
TD: Will do
TD: See you soon

technicalDropout (TD) ceased aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR)

Edited by InnerRayg, Apr 21 2012 - 10:42 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Perform INCREDIBLY SILLY DANCE

Man, even when they're aggravating you, jammin with your friends like that always puts you in a good mood. You decide to let loose a little and dance a snappy jig. Yeah man, you go. You definitely look like the coolest kid in the whole club. Back. and Forth. and Back. and Forth. Are you taking notes yet? THIS STUFF IS IMPORTANT.

[Ray]: Retrieve arms from safe.

OKAY SERIOUSLY DIDN'T WE JUST DO THI-Okay, okay, caaaaaaalm down....no need to get EnRAYGed.

In all seriousness though it couldn't hurt to check on the contents of your safe. Your little...event...there with the dancing has put you into a good mood. This safe is a real piece of engineering wonder. Thoroughly reinforced, with double locking mechanisms, secret compartments in the back, electronic XTRA SECURE ™ backup features and of course a complementary packet of candies in the bottom compartment for emergencies. This is the most expensive thing you own.

Naturally there's only one thing you could possibly be keeping in there.

[Ray]::::

Oh man. This is getting intense. You have to duck down a little bit because your bed hangs so low, but now you're ready for this major reveal. This is gonna be so good. Nobody knows about this, not even your LIL BRO.

Yeah. Breathe in. Breathe out. Suck in that tasty suspense.

Alright, enough teasing. Time to crack this omelet.

And a one, and a two, and a....

Edited by InnerRayg, Feb 23 2012 - 04:32 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH AND JUST OPEN THE FREAKING SAFE

Man, this tension is killing you. With how long this opening has been drawn out you've started to imagine all sorts of terrible things that could have replaced your prized possession. You nervously open the door.

[S...?][Ray]: REVELAWESOME

Man, just imagine if there were some awesome revelation music here. It'd be like, Ba...Ba...BA...BA...BABABA!!! Close your eyes for a second. Can you hear it?

That's awesome.

[Ray]:Grab CANDY from SAFE, disregarding OTHER CONTENTS

Oh man. You can't do that, those are for emergencies! Instead you check out your prized possession, the STUFFED PENGUIN that you've had all your life. It serves as an heirloom and a constant source of comfort. In retrospect having this stuffed animal locked in an incredibly overpriced safe makes your weird obsession with toys seem almost normal by comparison.

[Ray]:Investigate pockets for any items on your person.

Pockets? These lines on your pants are purely decorative. Everyone knows you use a SYLLADEX to store and transport pointless items! Your mix of sweet child-like love and happiness again causes the MOOD RING MODUS to codify a card with that specific emotion, and then stores it along with the rest. This system of storage seems to be pretty convenient for someone who wants to carry around a good amount of objects, but you're starting to feel nervous about what happens when you run out of cards. Or for that matter, how you retrieve the items now that they're in there.

[Ray]::::

Oh good. Now it's a treasure hunt also. You definitely think the next thing you should do is scrounge around your house in every conceivable corner looking for the rest. Right after you smack your head into a wall a few thousand times.

Edited by InnerRayg, Feb 18 2012 - 05:15 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: exit room and go to mailbox

Yeah, you're right, you've definitely wasted enough time. Let's get serious about this thing with some important adult decisions that grown up adults should make. You very maturely and sensibly make your way to the door only to stop. When you pull slightly on the door you can feel some very heavy weight pushing down on the other side. Luckily your door swings inward, so it's not blocking your escape. That's the kind of existence you dread, feeling so utterly incomprehensibly lonely in this little void of a room, no exit, no form of communication outside of this little internet connection. You'd be forced to be entertained only by the contents of your favorite website and all it's various members good and bad.

Continuously forced to refresh the same page over and over on the same forum waiting for replies. Stuck, if you will, in a sense which possibly borders on the titular.

[Ray]: Prepare Thyself for trouble.

That weight on your door is making you extremely nervous. You can feel your FIGHT OR FLIGHT instinct kicking in, which luckily for you activates a secondary function of this inventory system you call a SYLLADEX.

This secondary function is called your TOOL CACHE. It allows you to select one type of...."tool"....to wield in battle against foes. Unfortunately once you've set the tool type, it's forever locked as your permanent SPECIBUS.

You don't even want to relive the fit of stupidity that led you to allocating the PENCILKIND attribute to it. It basically leaves you with only one option, hoping to give your enemies LEAD POISONING. For some reason this hasn't been very effective against the only foes you've ever had to face, those ROBOSTROCITIES your LIL BRO calls a hobby.

Like usual, your TOOL CA- okay you are tired of holding the shift key enough already!

Like usual your tool cache automagically snaps up any drawing utensils nearby and gives a readout of their battle effectiveness. It seems these two #2 pencils aren't very strong. How weird! You sensibly disregard this information because you're sure that it won't ever come up as some kind of major obstacle later on down the road. Yep, that's right, you feel as safe as a small child would playing with their favorite plugged in toaster and a knife

Your imagination is seriously messed up.

[Ray]: STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH AND JUST OPEN THE FREAKING DOOR

Alright....here...we....go....

[InnerRayg]

[S][Ray]: Attempt to perform a back flip.

(Should play for everyone, if not let me know by PM and we'll figure it out)

What

Just

HAPPENED??

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Examine robostrocity

You begin examining the robostrocity. You examine the heck out of it for a good minute or two.

After your foot starts hurting you stop and actually look at the thing. It has to weigh a ton! That could have seriously injured you if it had actually fallen on you. Your LIL BRO is always causing you problems but this is whole new level of irresponsibility.

[Ray]: Take the robot apart, remove Lego Mindstorms Intelligent Brick and rebuild it into a video game console

You try to take apart the robot and fail spectacularly. The only TOOL you have available is your pencil, and it ain't doin' nothin' for you here. Is it lefty loosy, righty tighty? You always forget.

You give up because you're pretty sure this isn't made out of LEGO and more to the point you don't really have the MECHANISKILLS to build something else anyway.

Speaking of stats....

[Ray]: Wonder how you did that flip

You press an esoteric combination of keys, buttons, and clicks to access your personal files. You open up your APTITUDE DOSSIER, an index of every describable ability, skill, and trait you possess. Sure enough, your Athleticoolness Coefficient has increased exponentially. Before, your level was somewhere that could be described as equivalent to an extremely agile snail. Now you're suddenly flipping through the air like it's nothing?? Maybe........it was just the rush of adrenaline? Your ordinarily creative imagination somehow fails to concoct any more complicated explanation then that, and you solemnly accept it without a single question, even though that kind of incredible increase in almost any skill is nearly unheard of.

[Ray]: Examine other files

Well, while you're busy being obscured by this needlessly large menu screen you might as well examine the other files. This is your HIEREQUEUE, a ranking system that shows how far you've gotten. You've been busy waiting in this QUEUE for as long as you can remember. No matter how impatiently you tap your foot, look at your watch, sigh heavily, and cough it just keeps moving at granular pace. You're not even sure what lies at the end of this wait. It's so far in the distance you can't even make out whatever new product release or free item giveaway it is you've locked yourself into. Sadly after waiting for so long you've become invested in the outcome and deciding to leave now would be tantamount to failure. So you breathe heavily and stand on your toes once more to see if the line is moving up ahead.

Nope.

Your DENOMINATIONS ACCRUED are now in the upwards of HUNDREDS of monies! Such an incredible fortune must be guarded carefully.

you are so psyched about completing this list you almost can't contain it. Oh wait you just found a small thimble that would be perfect. You pour your single drop of excitement inside to keep it safe, but accidentally spill it. If by accidentally you mean 'accidentally threw it out your window that we've all agreed not to acknowledge'.

[Ray]: Ask Penguin about the PENGUIN EMPIRE and its glorious EMPEROR

NEVER!

The PENGUIN EMPIRE and it's glorious EMPEROR were long ago overtaken and ravaged by a CRUEL POTENTATE, Whipper of the Low, Destroyer of the Prostrate, Queen of the Northern Frost...she goes by many titles, but her unending domination of the avarian world will never be forgotten. To even mention this desolation to your beloved Penguin would bring only misery and tears to its fake plastic eyes. He can never forgive these terrors, and so never can you.

[Ray]: Contemplate metaphysical ramifications of what just went down.

Silly Puffin fantasies aside, you can't help but consider what just happened. Although you successfully avoided being hurt, for a brief moment you hallucinated that the falling robot had succeeded in its deadly duty of using gravity to destroy you. You remember almost disturbingly vividly feeling the cold weight crushing you and your mind slowly drifting from this world to a place you had but only dreamt of. The fantasy was so real...so haunting...You are more than a little shaken by it. You decide it's your solemn duty to kick your LIL BRO's butt the next chance you get for forcing you to feel the cold grip of mortality, even if only in your imagination. It had to have just been in your imagination after all. Reality doesn't just blink back and forth like that. That'd be ridiculous.

[Ray]: Less contemplatin' more locomatin'

You step out of your room finally and head out into the Hallway. Look at this mess! You wish you knew why he insisted on piling these things outside your room all the time. Granted, you can't help but smile at a few of his aesthetic choices for their forms but why can't he just keep them in his room instead of clogging up your travel path like this!!

Edited by InnerRayg, Feb 21 2012 - 07:12 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Search the chest cavity of the Bender Robot for treasures.

No treasures here. Just dust. He ran out of fuel a long time ago and you are not the type to stock the alcoholic beverages that power this little guy, so he just stands here and occasionally acts as a nice coat rack.

[Ray]: Take zamor launcher from robostrocity

You think you might have the perfect plan for your revenge. You quickly try to remove the Zamor Launcher from this Ignika look-alike and fail. It may look like Lego, but that thing is almost solid iron. There's no way you can remove it. It also looks like it's not even a real launcher - the entire mechanism is just a single piece of metal made to look like it is functional. This is really more of a statue than a robot.

[Ray]: Program the robotic dog to break down your little bother's door.

On to Plan B: Sparky's Revenge. You poke and prod the E-CyboPooch but don't make any progress in programming it to hunt down your LIL BRO. Probably because you don't really know anything about robotics. or programming. or really anything of a technical nature.

[Ray]: Observe WARNING TAPE.

You suppress a shudder, and if anything Captcha-loggable was nearby you would have snapped it up as quick as a cobra who has eyed a particularly plump field mouse snoozing in the afternoon sun as the emotion of pure unadulterated FEAR courses through your veins. The worst part is how far it managed to chew through the door before it finally shorted out. It would have taken two, maybe three more inches max and you AND your bro would have been dead where you stood.

[Ray]: Ignore WARNING TAPE and open the door.

ARE YOU INSANE?? You were the one who insisted on putting those warnings on there in the first place! Sure, it's PROBABLY shut down. Sure, it PROBABLY can't do you any harm now. Sure, if it was still alive down there, it would PROBABLY have already come back up and finished the job. But man, it would be just its style to lure you into a false sense of security, to think you could finally travel down into your flooded basement and retrieve a few lost items and then BAM, you're fishfood.

You're sure that's exactly how it would go down, because that's how it went down that day.

That day changed everything. That was the day you began to fear the world of robotics.

It's so incredible to think before that day, you and your lil bro were pretty tight.

Before that day, you both saw the future as a shining utopia, you with your belief in humanity's expansion to the stars, him in his trust that robots would be our faithful companions along the way.

That day changed a lot around here. You began to fear and hate anything to do with robotics, and he began shutting himself into his room almost 24/7. It was clear he would come out for food and other necessities, but you almost never caught him in the act.

Was he preparing? Was he just scared? You never got the chance to ask. All you know is....

You've never really felt safe since then.

[Ray]: Push Bender look-a-like through hole in the door.

The fact that you think this idea is not only completely sane but a practical manuever shows what a dingus you are.

Ya dingus.

[Ray]: Move it along...

You think you have had QUITE ENOUGH of this hallway for one day. You've got two options here, to your right is the BATHROOM, and in front of you is your LIVING ROOM, which is probably the smarter option since it leads to the front door which leads to the OUTSIDE, which was supposed to be like, your goal or something. Since you certainly haven't wasted nearly enough time yet, the chances that you take the direct route are pretty much zero at this point. So, where will you go?

Edited by InnerRayg, Feb 25 2012 - 09:18 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Forget about where you should go and just go into the bathroom.

An errant thought deters you from what almost seemed like a chance to get things done, and you maneuver into the bathroom. This place is just incredibly too big. It's larger than your entire bedroom! It's not even at the same isometric angle as the rest of the rooms in your house! Alright, clearly whoever built this place had no idea what they were doing.

Edited by InnerRayg, Feb 22 2012 - 02:24 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Sit down and speculate as to why the bathroom is bigger than your own room.

What's to sit and think about? It's obvious whoever built this house had some pretty poor understanding about what architecture is. Probably someone more interested in fitting things into elegant shaped grooves then considering what a realistic amount of space for a bathroom should be. Someone a little more concerned about entertainment value than real-world aesthetics. Who really knows? Not you.

Then again the more of these pointless tasks you complete the more you find yourself kind of curious about the secrets in your house. Maybe this bathroom is just a decoy, hiding some secret place or purpose! You decide to search out the secret in spite of your disdain for the FRIVOLATIONS

[Ray]: Stand on LIGHTER-COLOURED TILE and begin chanting in MYSTERIOUS LANGUAGE.

No no no that's not how you do things at all! You're a man of SCIENCE, not MYSTICISM! You leave that dippy magic and love stuff to your friends. You are a cold empiricist, a man with an eye only for the rational even as your heart calls for the unobtainable. You do recognize that there is a weirdly light tile in a suspiciously centric placement....perhaps a trap door? You squat down to feel for latches but find nothing.

Suddenly you get the feeling that you are being watched! You feel like someone or something must be hiding in the tub. Those shower curtains are never closed except when in use! You suspect immediately that you're brother has once again laid some painful, mechanical trap. WELL NOT THIS TIME BUDDY!

[Ray]:Make sure no robotrocities are vandalizing the shower

GOTCHA

Oh my!

Why, this is no robostrocity! It is in fact your treasured rubber ducky, sir Francis Waddlesworth, who you have shared many a distinguished and reputable morning sharing daily lathering as you inquire as to the goings on of the world of finance and politic, guffawing quietly at the latest scandalous reports and enumerating such phrases as "My word!" "Indeed" "Quite Right, Quite Right" and "Could you pass the Caviar?".

[Ray]: Be rewarded

Are you KIDDING ME?

THAT's the secret???

YOU ARE SO INFURIATED!

Predictably your real feelings of anger force another card to be emotionally codified. Looks like Waddlesworth is coming with you.

[Ray]: Wish you had a Gravity Gun and thus could use the toilet as a weapon

Woah, gotta calm down. You never let out the INNER RAGE like that if you can help it. Luckily, you've adapted quite well to calming yourself down through fantasy immersion therapy, which is a thing you made up just now. You pretend for a minute that the Gravity Gun, a weapon from PARTICLE DECAY that lets you move objects without physically touching them is real and that you could wield it to screw around with your house.

Even though in real life tearing up your plumbing like that would be horrible, when you use your IMAGINATION like this it's just awesome! Luckily you're pretty sure there's no way magically levitating toilets will ever be an issue for you.

[Ray]: Attempt to flush self down toilet.

Sadly, the powers of IMAGINA-wow why do you keep capitalizing that anyway-TION are not easily contained or controlled. Your mind shifts to another vision, one that brings about a very real sense of disgust. Gross!

Tahu, who was codified with the emotion of disgust(remember?) comes flying out of your Sylladex.

It looks like retrieving these items is a matter of duplicating the emotional state you were in when they were first captchalogued! This whole system seems like a great way to train a person in controlling and focusing their emotions in addition to being an inventory system. Too bad you haven't figured out how to really do that yet!

[Ray]: Deep-clean your Bionicle in the bathtub.

Well, at least you can get that done while you're here.

Good as new!

Okay....now how to put him back where he came from.

[Ray]: Be Sad

In the interest of science you decide to see if you can fake an emotion to put him back in your Sylladex. You try sadness because you also want to get rid of that stupid empty can while you're at it. Hmm...

Maybe you just need to try harder?

YOU CALL THAT SAD? I'll SHOW YOU SAD BUDDY! YOU'LL BE CRYING FROM FIVE DIFFERENT PLACES WHEN I'M DONE WITH YA yeah okay this isn't working.

[Ray]: Be FRUSTRATED

Luckily, your failure with fake sadness produces some very real frustration. Looks like that counts! Sweet!

[Ray]: Inspect strange items on the counter next to the sink

What? Strange items? You guess maybe not everyone has access to standard hygiene products but you figured most people would know what this stuff is. You got your hand soap, bar soap, a couple toothbrushes, and a cheap disposable razor for that wild mane of facial hair you've got going on there.

In fact, looks like that bad boy's trying to come in again. You just shaved two weeks ago and everything! Being an adult is hard.

Careful....Careful....

You finish up and then freak out when you look in the mirror. Why, who's that incredibly handsome young man right there and how did he get into your house? Is this perhaps a burglary performed by a daring troupe of attractive rouges? A heist by baby-bottom smooth ruffians who deep down still possess a heart of gold, looking only to feed their impoverished young orphan friends? Oh no, now you see! That dastardly good looking man in the mirror was you all along! Give yourself a thumbs up you little heart breaker.

[Ray]: Get outta there.

The longer you stay in that bathroom the closer and closer you come to being forced into the dark halls of that all knowing terror, that of TOILET HUMOR, and nobody wants that to happen. You head into the living room.

Well, here you are, the living room at last. Your goal is within sight, just a few more steps to the door and you're done. Somehow though, you suspect it won't be this easy. For one thing, your SMART PHONE is beeping away incessantly over there with new messages from your acquaintances. For another, there's suddenly a tight sensation in your stomach that says you require sustenance and fast. Sure, we could pretend that there's any chance you'll just move forward and ignore these distractions but let's get real here. You've got the kitchen on your right, your brother's room on your left, and the patio straight ahead.

So what will you do?

Edited by InnerRayg, Feb 25 2012 - 07:58 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Take the alien poster off the wall and super glue it to the ceiling.

 

Well okay, as completely reasonable as that idea is, you're afraid you can't comply.

 

 

 

 

After all, the ceiling is already busy being occupied by something so much better.

 

 

 

 

Oh man. This movie. You have no words.Positively the most believable alien movie you've ever seen. You couldn't believe your eyes when you saw this poster for sale. You wanted to hang it in the living room, but of course despite your agreement of complete decorative control in here your LIL BRO was adamant about not having this monstrosity being placed on the walls. So naturally, you hung it on the ceiling where he couldn't reach it. Hehehe.

 

 

[Ray]: Defile pictures/posters as your subconscious sees fit.

 

 

 

 

Done and done. Good thing you brought that marker with you!

 

 

[Ray]: Resist urge to answer SMART PHONE and stall for time.

 

 

 

 

You're trying...you're trying...but oh man you are so hungry. And when you get hungry, you get a little weird.

 

 

 

 

[Ray]: Messily scarf SMART PHONE down your throat.

 

 

 

 

Stop it. Do not put that in your mouth. Hunger is not an emotion and your stomach is not a sylladex.

 

 

[Ray]: Answer

 

 

 

It looks like GG was bothering you about something or other, but he logged off before you could respond. You're sure he's just being dramatic like he always is.

Spoiler

glamGuitarist (GG) began aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 12:20 CST

GG: uh
GG: Ray
GG: uh
GG: man you're not here
GG: look I um
GG: no
GG: okay uh
GG: look a bunch of piegons flew into my room okay
GG: pigeons*
GG: the whole place is filled with feathery freaks, it's terrible, it's a pigeon hole. i'm pigeonholed here
GG: pigeon hollisticed
GG: pigeon wholed
GG: um
GG: yeah that's definitiely a realistic alibi
GG: ugh

glamGuitarist (GG) ceased aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 12:21 CST

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looks like another friend is also trying to aggravate you. Looks like she hasn't logged off yet, so you can still respond.

Spoiler

MoochyMensch (MM) began aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 12:20 CST

MM: sup butt
IrritableRevenant is Away
MM: >:|
IrritableRevenant is still Away
MM: ok you're not here but remember when i went on that trip and got flocked
MM: me and PI
MM: look look at this
MM: See?
IrritableRevenant has Appeared
IR: Haha woah oh man
IR: That's amazing
MM: hi
IR: Haha hey sorry
IR: I've been uh
IR: causing trouble in the bathroom
MM: uh oh
MM: what kind of trouble
IR: >>;
IR: I'd rather not talk about it
MM: that's fine i don't want to actually hear about your smelly shenanigans
IR: Man it ain't like that I've just been like, dealing with robots all day and I don't have anything to fight them with
IR: 'cept a few pencils
IR: but they're made of metal so stabbing's out and trying to give them lead poisoning is not really working either
MM: pencils aren't made of lead dunkhead
MM: pencils aren't mightier than swords either
IR: what

 

 

 

 

[Ray]: Realize that PENCILS don't (and indeed NEVER DID) use LEAD; they use GRAPHITE.

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

IR: Oh god it's true
IR: and I was just about to go into the kitchen
IR: you just know there's something hiding in there and now I've got nothing
IR: and I'm soo hungry ;_;
MM:
MM: i'd send you something
MM: but you know this thing only goes one way
MM: someone else will have to be your cavalry today : (
IR: well thanks anyway
IR: if you don't hear back from me
IR: then I leave all my fries to you
MM: haha
MM: like you ever had a choice

MoochyMensch (MM) ceased aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 12:23 CST

 

 

 

 

 

[Ray]: Be Anxious

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The scientific fact that whatever fictional cartoon world it was you were living in where pencils used lead instead of graphite no longer exists causes you a great amount of anxiety. Now your formerly useless weapons tools have been downgraded to COMPLETELY useless. Unless you wanted to write your enemies a particularly nasty note.

 

 

The kitchen is your LIL BRO's domain, much like this entertainment/living room is yours and you just know he's booby trapped it to keep you from snarfing down all his snacks. Granted, it was probably wise of him to do that since snarf is exactly what you'd do otherwise but still.

 

 

[Ray]: Watch TV

 

 

 

 

Man, you are just not ready to face whatever lies in the kitchen yet. You decide the best medicine might just be to space out completely by watching whatever brain-numbing entertainment you can find on your GIGANTIC TELEVISION.

 

 

[Ray]: Ponder what sort of DARK MAGICKS or rather TRUSTY SCIENCES could possibly have been required in the creation of such a monstrous telly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay that command is clearly way too long. In any case, the story of the acquisition of this humongous moving picture deliverance device is quite long and interesting. It was quite awhile back when....you...were...spacing...out...

 

 

[Ray]: Space Out

 

 

 

 

You suddenly lose focus of reality. You slip into a trance like state that can only be described as "spacing out"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHERE ARE YOU???

 

 

[Ray]: SNAP OUT OF IT!

 

 

 

 

UGH what is with you today?? It's like some kind of nexus of weirdness centers around this day and you're standing smack dab in the middle getting hit with pieces of freaky debris and flying cows and ladies on bicycles. Shake it off!

 

 

[RAY]: Stand on the RUG in the center of the room and SPIN

 

 

 

 

Oh no, you've learned your lesson!

 

 

[Ray]: Examine Chessboard

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why, it's nothing but a fun game you like to play with your LIL BRO, your one communal experience together. You play by moving your piece then leaving to wait for him to respond in kind. It's a great form of non-vocal companionship that's right up your alley. You lost the last game, but you've got pretty high hopes for this next one. Sadly since he plays WHITE you can't yet make a move till he takes the first step!

 

 

[Ray]: Be Foreshadowed

 

 

 

 

Please, you think you've had more than enough strange and disturbing events that seem to point towards a mysterious and unhappy future, plus why would Chess have anything to do anything anyway? It's just a silly game and you think that anyone who believes it holds more significance is going to be pretty disappointed.

 

 

 

[Ray]: Go to kitchen and eat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alright alright, enough of this nonsense! You're a hungry young adult and you're going to get yourself a sandwich if it's the last thing you do. You put your determined face on and get ready for whatever encounter it is that waits for you. You are TOTALLY DOING THIS MAN, you are MAKING IT HAPPEN.

Edited by InnerRayg, Jan 25 2013 - 12:21 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[S][Ray]: Strife!!!

Let me know if this does not work for you!

Edited by Chronophobia, Mar 04 2012 - 06:18 PM.

[InnerRayg]

[RAY] Try to RECALL what your OBJECTIVE was.

Whatever the heck your objective was, it sure wasn't screwing up your kitchen like this! Look at all this, especially that Pepper. You just know it's going to get into -everything-. You'll be finding pepper on things months from now, you just bet. It was lucky you took down this hunk of junk before it started throwing a bunch of eggs at you or something equally dumb. Even luckier was the fact that this robot was dumb enough to be fooled with your standard SPAM OVERLOAD, a necessary technique for any budding Robophobic.

You figured such an exciting battle should have given your fellow line-goers in the HIEREQUEUE enough incentive to let you move ahead a few places, but it seems they are completely unmoved by your acrobatic endeavors! Even after all that work they just cry for more, more! Vultures, you swear. Maybe a few more epic and flashy battles will be enough to convince them to let you sidle forward a few measly steps towards your unknown destination.

[Ray]: Salvage food from FRIDGEBOT'S CORPSE.

done and done. Fridgebot's processors were fried, but it looks like his compressors are in fine working order. Everything inside is still fresh, if a little crushed by the hidden parts inside that take up most of the space so it can transform. Honestly you can't store much more than a few small vials and maybe some slices of bread, meat, and lettuce between layers of flesh-rending metal.

[Ray]: Discover what was behind the fridge.

Huh. A note. Probably something cantankerous from your LIL BRO.

Yup.

You don't have a good feeling about this cliche you're using. Or this situation.

(No more Ray commands for just a bit: new character incoming!)

Edited by InnerRayg, Mar 19 2012 - 06:02 AM.

[Princess Grr]

[RAY]: Do something about those eyesore spots

Well, okay. May as well put that Pencilkind specibus to good -- huh?

Who are you? Who who, who who?

[RAY]: Be the other guy

Leather jacket, purple shades, Vox amplifier...who do you think you are, a 1960s rock and roller? I mean come on, dude; the British Invasion ended around 1966; who even uses Vox amplifiers anymore? Brian May, sure, but his band died with its frontman. And don't even mention The Edge; that hack doesn't 'use' the amp so much as he defiles its good name with his commitment to defecating on the very art of guitar-playing.

Geez, whoever you are, you sure have some OPINIONS about things.

[???]: What's your name?

No, no - you're just HIGHLY DISCERNING. Ain't no need to be sending out those negative waves, man!

[???]: So get on with the bloody name already

Your name is ANDREW ARTHUR

Sweet JESUS do you love MUSIC.

Doesn't matter if it's classical, orchestral, minimalist, jazz, swing, blues, motown, showtunes, folk, metal, sunshine pop, choral, punk, gospel, mbaqanga, a capella, worldbeat, electronic, western, eastern, retro, neo, or anything in-between. All genres have their merits and everything's worth a listen once. Whether it's worth a second listen depends on its artistic merit, and you can be a bit of a SNOB when it comes to assessing that.

Of all genres, however, the one that fascinates and captivates you most of all is GOOD OLD-FASHIONED ROCK AND ROLL. We're talking Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Carl Perkins, and their successors. Dreck aside, that such a humble musical movement could grow to such incredible artistic heights and cultural importance inspires you. And when it comes to instrumentation, few things move you as deeply as the searing leads of a FENDER TELECASTER, the bluesy crunch of a STRATOCASTER, or the energized rhythm of a nice, hollow-bodied GRETSCH. You live and breathe the guitar.

Music is the language of life, heart, and soul, to you. Peace, love, and music, man. That's how you roll. You're the fella with the maxed-out IMAGINATION and CHARISMA stats, leaving little in the STRENGTH or TECHNICAL areas. If a problem can't be solved with a guitar solo or your roguish charm, you're ######.

It should be noted that your high Charisma stats are linked to an exceedingly high PROFANITY proficiency, though you're easily bested by a WORD-FILTER ATTACK.

Anyway that's irrelevant. You just logged off the computer after speaking with your good friend RAY. What will you do now?

Edited by McSmeag, Mar 10 2012 - 05:03 AM.

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW]: Talk more about what a hack the Edge is

Oh god. This shmuck. Oh hey look at me, I'm the Edge; I'm going to rig my guitar up to so many echo and delay effects that I just have to strum once and the chord repeats itself until I need to switch to a different one. Hurr hurr look at me I'm not actually playing my guitar! I'm "filling in the notes that aren't there!" Hee hee!

No, Mr. The Edge, the way you fill in "notes that aren't there" is by ACTUALLY PLAYING THEM. You are a hack and the fact that you're trying to present yourself as an actual guitarist is an insult to real guitarists everywhere. Those pedals are for shaping tone and using your guitar to paint a soundscape, not for playing the friggin' guitar for you. Experimentation and trying new things is great, but this isn't experimentation - this is called FAKING IT. You are FAKING IT, Mr. The Edge.

Grrr ###### piece of ####### ############# #### granny smith #### ##### mango #### #### #### poundey pound pound

[ANDREW]: Calm down

Love, man. All you need is love. Chill, brah. Ob-la-di, ob-la-da.

You know, there's one thing that always calms you down when you get anxious...

[S] [ANDREW]: ###### Jam

(Do tell if this doesn't work for you!!)

[ANDREW]: Unlock Theme Song Achievement

Aw yiss. You are a ROCK STAR.

[ANDREW]: Make like Pete Townshend on that hot seafoam Telecaster

Wait, wait stop!

Come on Pete, or Paul, cut that out.

You couldn't do that to your SEA FOAM GREEN FENDER TELECASTER. This instrument is your LIFE. It is the most beautiful of all guitars, oh yes it is. Aren't you the sweetest and most rocking of all instruments, aren't you, girl? Oh yes you are. Kisses for you. Muchas Smooches.

[ANDREW]: Captchalogue Guitar

You sing "Guitar and Pen" by the Who.

"When you sing through the verse and you end in a scream
And you swear and you curse 'cause the rhyming ain't clean
But it suddenly comes after years of delay
You pick up your guitar, you can suddenly play"

The GUITAR is snatched by your SYLLADEX and stored in a CAPTCHLAGOUE CARD with the LYRIC MODUS. With the Lyric Modus, you must sing a song relating to the item you wish to captchalogue. It doesn't need to be wholly literal, but the modus can be persnickety. You usually sing the Beatles' "While My Guitar Gently Weeps," but the Sylladex sometimes finds that one too existential.

[ANDREW]: Fix your hair

...Fix?

[ANDREW]: Check your cell phone

Looks like you got a message from PI, one of your close FRIENDS. Friends are the best. You don't know what you'd do without your friends, always there for you, always providing support and laughs and good times. Most of your best pals live out of town, some of them even in different countries, so it's good to have phones and computers to keep in touch with them. To be honest, keeping in touch with friends is about the extent of your ability with technology - well technology that isn't musical, anyway.

Truthfully, that's part of what worries you about this whole GAME thing. Sure, playing something with your friends sounds great, but you don't really do video games. You just can't keep up with anyone when you're coerced into playing a video game - all the buttons and the motion and the lights and graphics confuse you. Maybe your motors skills are underdeveloped, or maybe you just suck at them instrinsically, but video games are just too much for you to handle. Ray and company managed to convince you to play along with them, but inside, you're very worried you're going to blow the whole thing and upset everyone.

[ANDREW]: Wax poetic with yon skull

"Ah, now is the winter of our discontent, made - " ... wait, wrong play

"If music be the food of love, play - " ... wait, not, still not right

"To be or not to - " ... wait, okay, getting closer

"ALAS, POOR YORICK. I KNEW HIM, HORATIO. A FELLOW OF INFINITE JEST, OF MOST EXCELLENT FANCY; HE HATH BORE ME ON HIS BACK A THOUSAND TIMES." There we go.

Haha, just kidding, you have that whole play memorized; you even directed it once.

"And yet, how abhorred in my imagination is is. My gourd rims at it! Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? Quite chap-fallen. Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come...make her laugh at that."

Oh Yorick...dear, sweet Yorick.

[ANDREW]: Examine record collection

Ahhh, vinyl...music the way it's meant to be. CDs and mp3 players are great for convenience, when you're on the go...but when you want to really sit back and EXPERIENCE the music, you need to listen to it on a record. The warm analog sound caresses and consumes you, like a gentle, loving zephyr of auditory sensory experience. Music sets you free.

You have about 300 records, crossing all kinds of genres - from jazz to blues to rock'n'roll and everything in-between. The fact that you can grab them for a dollar apiece at the local used bookstore feeds your addiction. One time you got a pristine double-LP album of Tommy Dorsey Orchestra songs, some featuring a young Frank Sinatra on vocals, for TEN CENTS. The record hadn't even been opened. It was a grand day. Of course even that doesn't beat the time you got the entire Velvet Underground discography from a shady guy on a street corner in the city. That pretty much COMPLETED YOUR LIFE.

You pull a record off the shelf at random. LED ZEPPELIN's fourth! A boss choice. Let's give 'er a listen...

Edited by McSmeag, Mar 10 2012 - 04:58 AM.

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW]: Look inside record player

All right, time to place this bad boy on the turntable and - well hello, what have we here??

Oh yessssssss!

You found your flask of IRISH WHISKEY, or as you like to call it, your GOOD BUDDY JAMESON. This stuff bolsters your BRAVERY and IMAGINATION statistics exponentially, and it's also the most delicious stuff in the world. Uh, you know, for legal, responsible adults, obviously. Don't drink and drive, etc.

You sing "Have a Drink on Me" by AC/DC ("My glass is getting shorter \ On whiskey, ice, and water") to captchalogue the FLASK while you put the RECORD on the turntable.

[ANDREW]: Enjoy "Stairway" on vinyl, brother

Spoiler

GlamGuitarist began pestering MoochyMensch at 1:17 PM EST

GG: OH MY GODDDD
GG: I'm listening to Led Zeppelin's fourth album on vinyl and oh my goddddd
GG: it's too good
GG: it's too good to be real
GG:
MM: good things can be real
GG: but it's just impossibly great
GG: it's so rock and roll
GG: and it's hard, it's so hard
GG: but it's also vaunted
GG: it takes the blues and rock and roll and lays them out with the pounding bonzo beats and jimmy's overdriven sustain
GG: but it takes them somewhere
GG: it takes them to new places, this galvanized, electric voice, it takes all the things that came before and says "but is it art?"
GG: and it takes the core of what drives the blues and rock and roll, which is feeling
GG: and it makes the whole record about that, even when it's nonsensical feeling, because nonsensical feelings are real feelings too
GG: so often when you turn ont he fuzzbox or the OD, that core gets lost; it's so easy to lose that emotional core when you're plucking the screaming leadlines
GG: #### you could even argue that Zeppelin lost track of it sometimes, too, in some of their excesses. I think that'd be valid to argue
GG: but not here, not in these tracks
GG: the whole structure of the album is built to accentuate the moods, the build up to something, quiet down, and then build up again, to a different feeling
GG: I think so many people get so caught up in Led Zeppelin's image that they forget what made the band so great, which was that they really were all virtuosos - they really were all artists
GG: "hard"/heavy rock is very often a very dumb genre. Most of the time, even. As much fun as it can be despite that.
GG: but it never had to be
MM: *nodnod*
GG: much of this record is very, very heavy (though not all of it; there's a lot of textural variety and even textural variety among the heavy songs), but it's not dumb at all
GG: things like this
GG: things like this make everything worthwhile
GG: this, these things, things like this, that's justification for being alive
GG: and also
GG: justification to create
GG: and yeah im just talking your ear off by this point, and also i'm crying to this guitar solo, i guess that's the point iw as trying to make, sorry!!??? :X

Edited by The Pegasus, Mar 13 2012 - 11:09 PM.

[Princess Grr]

::::

Spoiler

MM: cool
MM: super cool
GG: anyway
GG: what's up
MM: same old
MM: i'm drawing this comic
MM: about pigeons
MM: maybe you've heard of it
GG: I'm trying to think of a pun involving pigeons
GG: something to really annoy you
MM: D:<
GG: BT
GG: how about
GG: uh
GG: ######
GG: i'm all dried up here
MM: good
GG: it's absolute horseFEATHERS that i can't come up with any good puns
GG: it's really bringing me DOWN
MM: godddd
GG: I can't think of a single joke that could take FLIGHT
MM: i'm leaving
GG: all right see this is just you pigeonholing me on account of my humour
GG: <---- I DID IT
MM: goodbye
GG:
GG: don't be like that dogg
GG: can I see the comic??
MM: it's not done yet
GG: goddd
GG: i guess
GG: maybve
GG: I deserve it for all t he awful puns
GG: that'll be my.............................................
GG: wait for it
GG: PUNishment
MM: D<
GG: <3
GG: (they weren't awful at all they were totallya wesome)
MM: i'm going for real
GG: mann
GG: sorry
MM: yeah yeah yeah yeah
GG: i guess I've got to go too, ray wants me to play this bloody game
GG: you should play too; are you playing?
GG: (please play)
MM: yes
GG: (you can play for me)
MM: nooo
MM: play for yourself
GG: bro you know how i am about them video games
GG: you know I am THE WORST
MM: well
MM: get your rear in gear
GG: goddd
GG: miss cranky tonight
MM: yeah see comics don't draw themselves
GG: okay i'm sorry
MM: miss hassled tonight!
GG: well
GG: i'd say show the comic to me when you finish but you'll totally REFUSE because you're totally LIKE THAT >:[
GG: so i'm gonna suggest you show it to ray
GG: you guys are comic bros like that
MM: natch
GG: (that was I can get him tos how it to me)
GG:
GG: but okay fine ifne i'll stop distracting you
GG: byyyeee, good luck witht he comic etc etc etc, your comics are the ####, ok bye
MM: catch you later
MM: btw
MM: are you going to eat those?
GG: man i ain't even got any fries, man!!!!
GG: not one! i swear!!
GG: they keep DISAPPEARING whenever i make 'em
MM: dang : (
GG: i think my room-mate keeps santching them
GG: snatching*
MM: i bet
GG: you know how he is
GG: he's always looking to put things in his mouth
MM: i know
MM: is that like a household thing
GG: hn?
GG: oh
GG: HEY D:<
MM:
MM:
GG: (never change)
GG: peace
MM: lllater

glamGuitarist ceased aggrivating moochyMensch

[ANDREW]: Empty Jameson into motuh

Aye aye, cap'n.

What - did you think you'd pass out on the floor or something? If you were a lightweight, would you have accepted that command? You know your limits, bro.

[ANDREW]: Take a look at ratty old couch

Ah #### yeah. This ###### Green Couch. You've had this forever; it's a relic of your college days. The sofa's surface is riddled with tears and stains, with stuffing poking out of rips everywhere, but the ding-dang thing is SO bloody comfortable, you could never reupholster it, or get rid of the couch. Your ROOMMATE calls it "The Couch that Hugs You." Indeed, you still sleep on the couch, as you've yet to save up enough funds to purchase a bed.

Really, you'll probably just keep it until it literally falls into pieces, and you'll give it a proper funeral under the visage of the Lord David Bowie.

You run your hand over the soft, smooth green fabric, gently fingering a hole in the cushion. Ah, this old thing has such character.

Wait...what's this between the cushions?

[ANDREW]: Remove item gingerly - come on, it's not that difficult

Oh my. Hello.

Well this brings up an interesting conundrum. It sure isn't going back to where it came from, so what are you going to do with it?

[ANDREW]: Wear the bra. Regret nothing.

You could just keep it and use it in an act like this. It could be YOUR bra now. Androgyny is totally glam-rock, after all.

[ANDREW]: Go full glam

Hoo!

SHE'S SO SWISHY IN HER SATIN AND TAT

IN HER FROCK COAT AND BIPPETY-BOPPITY HAT

OH GOD, I COULD DO BETTER THAN THAAAAT!!

Oh man. Oh MAN. This, this is your dream, Once, there was merely rock and roll in your life. But ever since you found THE RISE AND FALL OF ZIGGY STARDUST AND THE SPIDERS FROM MARS at the local thrift store and placed that record on your turntable, you knew GLAM ROCK was in your blood. The screaming guitars, the surging power, the lyrical and sexual ambiguity, the bursts of feeling, the theatrical grandeur...songs like "Time" and "Rock and Roll Suicide" and "All the Young Dudes" just make you tear up in awe and FEELING.

To be honest, you're pretty certain David Bowie actually is a god. Only a divine being could be so impossibly perfect and beautiful. Oh David Bowie...you want to BE David Bowie.

With every note you record, every lyric you write, you can feel yourself getting closer to your dreams. Nothing is more thrilling, more exciting and fulfilling, that playing a music to an enraptured audience. SHARING your music with others is an electric connection, one for which you live and create. To share your art and your message with just one person...even just one...just being able to say to one person "you're not alone"...that would make it all worthwhile.

You're going to save the world with rock and roll music.

[ANDREW]: Hey, you, get off of that cloud

Yeah, yeah...you guess you should stop with the serious, important pursuits and instead focus on demonstrating your AMAZING LACK OF VIDEO GAME PROWESS by CHECKING YOUR MAILBOX for the game. Unfortunately, you know the mail has already come - you heard your room-mate return earlier, which meant he probably got the mail. And to be honest, you really feel like avoiding a conflict with him right now.

Your relationship with your room-mate is one of mutual annoyance. He was the bassist in your BAND back in college, the fearsome PREDACONS. You're often PONDERED THE IDEA OF RE-FORMING THE BAND, but you don't know how that would pan out. Your drummer's off being some kind of RESPECTABLE TEACHER now and who knows what happened to your keyboardist. And your room-mate is, well, your room-mate, and things are weird between you and him.

Yeah, you know what; forget that. You're going to fool around some more.

Edited by McSmeag, Mar 28 2012 - 02:21 AM.

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW]: Stop and remember how you came into possession of the skull

Yorick? Why, as you've said, he was a fellow of infinite jest and most excellent fancy, who hath borne you on his back a thousand times.

I mean, doesn't everyone have a skull in their house? Isn't that a thing? How else would you soliloquize solemnly and pay tribute to the Bard? Yours in particular was attained from a friend as a gift to adore your desk back in your college days, replacing the GREEN SPARKLY SEQUINED PLASTIC SKULL you'd previously possessed, which was beautiful but SOMEWHAT GAUDY. Yorick here soon saw much armchair monologuing and even served a brilliant cameo as himself in your aforementioned production of Hamlet.

Did you forget to mention your love of the THEATRE? That's kind of a thing. Your ROOM-MATE and you were both theatre majors in college, which is how you initially met. You still engage in IMPROV BATTLES on occasion, sometimes over dinner. Now that he rarely plays his BASS GUITAR anymore, it's one of your few modes of connection.

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW]: Consider your favourite album you don't have



Absolutely and without a doubt that would be The Kinks are the Village Green Preservation Society. It's absolutely criminal how little-known the Kinks are in this day and age, given what pioneers they were not only of rock music, but genre fusions and pristine songwriting in general. Ray Davies is one of the finest songwriters of the twentieth century and Dave Davies, despite his lack of general notoriety, remains one of the most influential guitarists of all time. "You Really Got Me" and "All Day and All of the Night" effectively invented chord-driven riffs in rock and roll and kickstarted the use of fuzz, distortion, and other tone shaping for all guitarists who followed.

But heavy riff-driven rockers were far from the only face of the Kinks, a band known also for witty satire, music hall explorations, and theatrical concept albums. The Village Green Preservation Societyshowed the band exploring yet another direction entirely. While their peers delved into heavier rock (riding the trend largely begun by the Kinks), Davies and his band looked back to forgotten childhood and wistful notions of a simpler, rural England. The album uses a constructed nostalgia to allow a deep and poignant self-examination. The songs are generally soft, intelelctual, and unifying; all impeccably played and sung with gentle harmonies that highlight the human emotions and feelings they touch upon. At a time when everything had grown louder, the Kinks made the boldest statement by becoming quieter.

If you ever find a vinyl copy of this record, you will flip out so hard that you'll leave a crater.

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW]: Stop daydreaming and put the skull back already

Sure thing...oh hey! There were guitar strings underneath Yorick. Score!

This probably is another one of the 69 SECRETS to unlock, but your ineptitude at video games prevents it from registering.

[ANDREW]: Captchalogue Yorick

You sing some sad songs about death and stuff an that does the trick. Hopefully you won't need to retrieve that skull; remember what you sang would be a pain.

[ANDREW]: Grab dem strings

Ernie Ball regular slinkies the lime pack, your brand of choice. You've been considering trying the pure nickel variety, but these have been your standby for years, so you're hesitant to switch things up.

[ANDREW]: Equip strings

You equip the GUITAR STRINGS in your TOOL CACHE. You're a dude of peace, so you don't really dig using things as weapons - but sometimes whipping these out is the only way to keep your HOUSEMATE from taking the last DOUGHNUT. That guy would take all the doughnuts if he could. He would commit DOUGHNUT GENOCIDE. So in a way, you use the specibus to keep peace. PASTRY PEACE.

That's about as far as you're going to take this cop-out line of rationale, before you completely urinate on all your principles.

What's something more fun to think about?

[ANDREW]: Convince your friends to form a band with you

That is a GREAT IDEA. You sit down at your computer to sign in--oh...

Right...

[ANDREW]: Look under desk

It's your bright orange OTTOMAN, something you can sit on and that you keep hidden under your desk on purpose, not at all because a comic author forgot to draw a chair in your room, oh no. That would be too obnoxiously meta even for this charade.

That's four out of 69 SECRETS UNLOCKED, for you kids keeping score at home.

[ANDREW] Sit down and convince your friends to form a band with you

Spoiler

glamGuitarist began pestering cardinalPuffin at 1:18 PM EST

GG: OH GREAT EMPRESS
GG WE MUST ROCK TOGETHER
CP: Lay off the sauce, guy

cardinalPuffin signed off at 1:18 PM EST

GG: :(

Spoiler

glamGuitarist began pestering moochyMensch at 1:18 PM EST

GG: Hey I know you're still working on that comic, but I had a great idea; we should form a band
MM: nop.[/color]

Spoiler

glamGuitarist began pestering passiveInfiltrator at 1:18 PM EST

GG: HEY. Let's form a band!

Away message from PI: I'm not here, so here's some bubble wrap for the time being.

Spoiler

glamGuitarist began pestering technicalDropout at 1:18 PM EST

GG: HEY BRO
GG: brobrobro
GG: broman polanksi
GG: broman empire
GG: brokeback mountain
TD: Greetings, my bromide solution
TD: What words do you bring merrily?
GG: well
GG: if suggestions of great weight cause tremors, i'm about to rock the broat
GG: I think.................................we should form a band
GG: bro band. brand.
GG: (bro)
TD: Haha what
TD: Didnt we already do that
TD: Something like the Degenertones or something like that
TD: Or was that even me
GG: You're thinking of that time CP wanted to form a punk band
GG: oh no wait
GG: that was me
GG: and I asked her to join and she said no
GG: ...
GG: this is like the eighth time i've tried this, isn't it?
TD: Okay well sure lets form another band that sounds like a totally awesome thing to do that will totally happen and not be a complete waste of time i guess
TD: I will play the nothing as per usual
GG: I thought you had a keyboard
TD: Well yeah i do but i cant really use it since its more for just laying down some sick beats when i feel like it
TD: (which is never)
GG: um, so, lay down sick beats for the band, man
GG: and i mean you can learn to play it
GG: do you think my housemate knew how to play bass when we formed the Predacons? did that stop him?
GG: did the factt hat she knew nothing about music stop paul mccartney from making his wife the keyboardist in Wings?
GG: basically i'm asking you here
GG: be my wife
TD: Sorry man im just not into you like that
TD: (musically)
TD: But im totally down for listening to what you got to demo
TD: I just put in some new stuff that will really make the people next door crazy
TD: If
TD: There were people next door
TD: (which there is not)
GG: you're breaking my heart man
GG: uh
GG: what have i got that i feel comfortable sending
GG: uhh
GG: OH well i did record this cover today
GG: you might like it
GG: i still need to fix up the drums on all my original stuff
GG: (am I being to perfectionist?)
GG: (am I terrible)
GG: (will i never finish)
TD: Haha no worries i just want to test the parameters of this equipment
TD: Which reminds me you havent forgotten have you
**GG is trying to send TD thatthing.mp3**
GG: uh...forgotten?
TD: SIIIIIIIIGH
GG: i haven't forgotten....my dedication to THE BAND
GG: by which i mean the band, because "the weight" is perfect
GG: but also our new band
GG: brand
TD: Why yes our band
TD: Our band of exactly eight members
GG: !!!!
GG: wait
GG: what
GG: are we gonna be a prog-rock outfit
GG: is that what you're suggesting here
GG: are we gonna have three guitarists and two keyboardists
GG: ar eyou going ot BECOME rick wakeman?
GG: am i robert fripp now?
GG: who's gonna be roger waters?
GG: should we name ourselves after a continent, like Asia?
GG: could we be Antarctica?
TD: Hush your pretentious prattling you goof
TD: For the game
GG: that's
GG: that's not a prog-rock album
GG: i mean, queen's earlier stuff is
GG: but that's just pop rock
TD: The game that we are about to play
GG: ...
TD: The one that might possibly save our lives
TD: Possibly
TD: Maybe
GG: ???
TD: The one ID is getting us to play
TD: The one from lego
TD: Stop doing that silly thing where you forget about stuff like this
GG: OH
GG: oh
GG: oh ######
GG: i told ray i was going to get that, didn't i
GG: and then I kind of
GG: forgot
GG: on purpose
TD: Andrew please you have to play
TD: Our success depends on it
TD: I think
TD: (possibly)
GG: :|
GG: man
GG: man
GG: man...
TD: What
GG: look, dude, I just
GG: okay I'm going to confess something
GG: it's a secret
GG: so don't go telling everybody like i know you want to
TD: I am mr zipperlips
TD: zzzzzzzzzzip
GG: bro
GG: i really, really blow at video games
GG: [THE FOLLOW LINE WAS REMOVED FOR INDECENY ]
GG: i just don't think i'm going ot be able to handle this thing :/
TD: Can i let you in on a secret
TD: A real one and not like the pretend one you did just now that is a secret to absolutely no one
GG: you mean this is an open secret too?
GG: first everyone finds out about all the stuff i did backstage in college, now this?
GG: godddd
TD: Please everyone knows about you and your hipster ironic charm but this is important
GG: ignoring that comment
GG: important?
TD: I think it just might be
TD: See from what i have gathered each participant will bring to the game their greatest weaknesses
TD: But also their strengths
GG: i'm not sure how my raw sexual magnetism can help in a video game
TD: You would be surprised at what things will affect this game
TD: But one thing to remember is while you will be challenged greatly on the road ahead
TD: Your part in all of this is very important to our success as a whole
TD: Oh wait hang on
TD: I just finished downloading your demo
TD: I am just going to put this on
GG: what

technicalDropout signed off at 1:20 PM EST

GG: But
GG: But I love yoooou

[Princess Grr]

::::

Oh yeah...that game...that you forgot about...on purpose...

Ugh...

Now you feel bad about blowing it off even though the prospect of playing it is still an anathema to you.

[ANDREW]: Quickly, make up a dumb excuse

You craft an impeccably articulate ruse.

Spoiler

glamGuitarist (GG) began aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 1:20 EST

GG: uh
GG: Ray
GG: uh
GG: man you're not here
GG: look I um
GG: no
GG: okay uh
GG: look a bunch of piegons flew into my room okay
GG: pigeons*
GG: the whole place is filled with feathery freaks, it's terrible, it's a pigeon hole. i'm pigeonholed here
GG: pigeon hollisticed
GG: pigeon wholed
GG: um
GG: yeah that's definitiely a realistic alibi
GG: ugh

glamGuitarist (GG) ceased aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 1:21 EST

::::

Then you fall over backwards.

::::

The lid is knocked off your ottoman in the fall, revealing the terrifying and mystical secrets inside. Beads of sweat drop from your brow as you come face to face with your greatest folly, your greatest error, and your greatest foe.

Your blood runs cold and your throat catches. A scream rises to your lips, but no sound comes forth. You are paralyzed in fear.

It's been waiting.

An amorphous form spills forth from its prison. Its tentacles whip tauntingly, ensnaring you in their constricting grasp. Like a being possessed, it lunges at you, and there is no escape from its suffocating entanglement.

Oh the humanity! Oh the agony!! Oh the terror! Is this our brave hero's last stand??

IS THIS THE END OF THE LINE?

Is this...just your imagination running away with you?

This is STUPID. That is what it is.

It's just all your bloody instrument and microphone cables in a tangled mess, you big dramatic baby. That's what you get for just throwing them in your ottoman rather than coiling and hanging them in an organized fashion. Moron.

[ANDREW]: Play with Pinkie Pie to feel better

Oh yes.

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE FILLY, AND THE SUN WAS GOING DOWN

THE DARKNESS AND THE SHADOWS, THEY WOULD ALWAYS MAKE ME FROWN

I'D HIDE UNDER MY PILLOW FROM WHAT I THOUGHT I SAW

BUT GRANNY PIE SAID THAT WASN'T THE WAY TO DEAL WITH FEARS AT ALL!

SHE SAID "PINKIE! YOU'VE GOTTA UP TALL; LEARN TO FACE YOUR FEARS!

"YOU'LL SEE THAT THEY CAN'T HURT YOU; JUST LAUGH AND MAKE THEM DISAPPEAR!!"

HA HA HA!

Unfortunately, singing PINKIE PIE'S SONG captchalogues the toy and you're snapped harshly back to the cold and significantly less magical reality.

[ANDREW]: Stop horsing around

Yeah. Yeah, okay. You decide that it is time to leave your room and go somewhere else in your house. You've got to do it for Ray. You've got to do it for TD and PI and CP and MM and everyone. You've got to do it for friendship. Friendship will give you the strength and loyalty to overcome that which you dread.

Because friendship..........is magic.

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW]: Open the door like a boss

OH THUNDER ROAAAAADDDD!!!!!

Oh wait...the command was "like a boss," not "like the Boss." Your mistake.

No regrets.

TRAMPS LIKE US, BABY WE WERE BOOOORN TO RUUUUUUUUN.

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW]: Fall into the flying flag abyss of doom you just busted the door down into

Aaah! AAAAAHH! Too much patriotism! Too much jingoism! Make it stop!!

Guys, "Born in the USA" was a PROTEST SONG! Its chorus is IRONIC!! It's NOT a flag-waving, patriotic song! It's a GOOD SONG!

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND

[ANDREW]: Would you stop yammering and just land already

You grunt as you fall forward from your doorway onto the floor of your apartment's hallway.

You have got to stop letting your imagination get the better of you.

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW]: Get up

Well, you made it to the hallway. You guys keeps things fairly sparse in here.

[ANDREW]: Examine posters

Ugh. Must you? Your housemate's obsession with all things military-related just gives you the creeps. You understand his interest from a historical standpoint, but all the tanks and guns and swords...it gets to the point where he glorifies war and that just makes your heart sink. Why do people hurt each other? Why turn to violence? Why is this horror still going on today? It's all such pointless pain - nobody wins when war is involved. You're a big proponent of "make love, not war."

Plus, I mean, given the choice, doesn't making out sound WAY better than hurting people? Kisses, not killings! Redheads not warheads! Blondes not bombs! You're talking about brunnettes, not fighter jets!

On a deeper, more personal note, another thing that bothers you about violence is the requisite viscera. You just can't stand to see blood and guts everywhere, not even on a television screen. Your housemate gets a kick out of tricking you into watching gory war films with blood splattering everywhere and you always get the heebie-jeebies. Man you don't even like the WORD "blood." Ugggggh.

You do crack a smile upon seeing your sole poster of protest snuck in among your housemate's warmongering...

[Princess Grr]

[ANDREW]: WAR!

WAR! HUH! YEAH! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

WAR, I DESPISE! BECAUSE IT MEANS THE DESTRUCTION OF INNOCENT LIVES

WAR BRINGS TEARS TO THOUSANDS OF MOTHER'S EYES

WHEN THEIR SONS GO OFF TO WAR AND LOSE THEIR LIVES!

WAR! HUH! GOOD GOD, Y'ALL. WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! SAY IT AGAIN!

You always have a smile when you see that Edwin Starr poster you snuck in the center of your housemate's military paraphernalia. Few protest songs were as perfectly done as his. Though if you had to choose a favorite, you'd probably go with John Lennon's classic "Give Peace a Chance." Both have messages that ring just as true today as they did decades ago.

All we are saying...is give peace a chance.

[ANDREW]: Get Pestered

Suddenly your phone pings. Ah, it's that rapscallion, GP.

Spoiler

graphicalPerfectionist began aggrivating glamGuitarist at 1:22 EST

GP: ?
GP: are you there
GP: because it says you are not
GG: i am here!
GG: most unusual
GP: okay so we're both invisible or something
GG: so this is a double-secret-maxi-extreme conversation
GG: we're both spies, or both batman
GG: or both
GP: dunununununuh batspies!
GG: yes
GG: i'd watch it
GG: haha so how've you been man what's the happenings
GP: oh you know, the usual things
GP: working
GP: putting off things for that guy we work for on bzp
GP: getting hit by cars
GP: no big
GG: oh man you know i'm the master of not doing work for th wait what
GG: ???
GP: wait what what? i am putting off these reviews i owe him
GG: no you brickweed the car thing
GG: ar eyou in a hospital
GG: ar eyou on life support
GP: no worse i am dead
GG: NOOOOOOOO
GG: <--- THE TEARS
GP: this is me talking from beyond the veil brose
GG: oh ######
GG: the undiscovered country
GG: from whose borne no traveler returns
GP: no isn't that star trek
GP: i am dead not in space
GG: bro, you know i was goin' all hamlet, not all shatner
GP: are you trying to imply that shatner is not the telvision and film moder-day equivalent of hamlet
GP: is that what you are saying
GP: because i probably have to agree
GG: that's an interesting proposition. it may be more far out than my idea that horatio is the unreliable narrator of hamlet and that he actually murdered everyone in the play
GG: haha i actually argued that in a paper in college
GG: i may not have been sober
GP: did your professor give you a bad grade because you kept talking about shakespeare being one person
GP: i mean we all know he was a collective
GG: NO shut up
GG: the bard man
GG: the dude from avon
GG: he's my homeboy
GG: don't you be talkin' ###### about my homeboy
GP: he's my homeboy now
GP: because we're both dead
GP: and he told me he was a collective when we ate dinner at his place in the beyond yesterday
GP: all four of them made a delicious pizza
GG: whaaaat
GG: whaaaaaaaat
GP: i tell you what
GP: female shakespeare
GP: you'd like her
GG: !
GG: tell me more
GG: does
GG: does she have curly hair
GP: yes
GG: be still, my heart
GP: and she's the one who wrote the yorrick skull passage
GP: and a midsummer night's dream
GG: i'm all a-titter
GG: what about twelfth night
GG: aka, the greatest play ever written in the english language
GP: she said she didn't write that one, but she might as well have
GP: i guess she was the final editor
GP: and it was one of those "if this was a movie i'd better be an executive producer for how much rewriting i did"
GG: tell her I commend her fine work
GP: i will tell her you think she is fine
GP: don't worry
GG: and that maybe she and I should have a chat all up in this sometime
GP: secret message decoded
GG: whoops
GG: exposed for the libidinous literate I am
GP: it's okay
GP: i think MM will be okay with it
GG: man what you even meaning by sayin a thing like that
GP: are we really doing this
GP: the whole "i don't know what you're talking about" thing again
GP: i've got you on video on a loop saying that
GP: so let me just go hit play so you don't have to type it out
GG: come on we all know that if I ever hooked up with someone I've been friends with sicne we were tots, it'd be TD
GG: obvs
GP: yeah but that's like
GP: a friends with benefits thing
GP: totes not the same thing
GG: please, you and I are a friends with benefits thing
GG: TD it would be like
GG: some sort of clone/incestual horror show
GG: we'd just make everyone gape at our forbidden love
GP: just as long as you keep it out of the blogs
GP: i already had that whole corey/shane thing way back in the day
GG: maybe I'll make shipping banners or something
GG: also corey and shane are awesome
GP: yes they are
GG: don't be hatin'
GG: <3
GP: i'm just saying be more original
GP: the blogs have already had that relationship
GP: you'd be old news
GP: but you and MM
GG: man if I were any more original, i'd be biting an apple
GP: that's like
GG: i am the original sin of bzpower
GP: the hawt news
GG: please
GG: she'd make me dress up like a pokeman or something
GG: not cool times
GP: you know you've always wanted to show off your inner squirtle
GG: bro that may actually be the most disgusting thing you've ever said to me
GG: and we both know it's got stiff competition
GP: whatever i am all above those sorts of things now that i'm on the other side of the veil
GG: bro
GP: did you know they keep the good side of the veil facing outwards
GG: I think what you're doing
GG: is you are playing hard to get
GG: this whole death thing
GG: and this whole MM thing you keep tossing out
GG: you're just trying to keep yourself from admitting........your true feelings
GG: the steamy feels you've got.......for me
GG:
GP: hey broseph are you from the USSR because you're clearly stalin here
GP: trying to avoid the point
GP: which is
GP: you plus MM
GP: equals sweet salty french fry goodness
GG: i'm only stallin' because you've gotta ketchup
GP: I'm sorry, i mustard you wrong
GG: look you've just gotta stop grilling me about this
GG: i'm getting steamed
GP: you know, you keep this up and we're going to have a beef
GP: it'll be a giant pickle
GG: man if you make one more pun, i'm gonna toast your buns
GP: lettuce stop now then
GG: pie have to agree
GG: we've registered our troubles, put 'em on the counter
GG: time to drive through to resolution
GP: we should change the topic here
GP: this conversation only breads contempt
GP: it'd be butter to move on
GG: what, are you chicken?
GP: you know i'd fry you at this
GP: i don't want to insalt you
GP: by peppering my language with too many puns
GG: you're puns are soda weak by now
GP: you know they're well seasoned
GG: i'll meat a new one in every line
GP: i don't know, we might have ground them out
GG: well, at least they're all in good order
GP: we need to table this talk
GG: yeah, ###### this mayonoise
GP: i think you're getting fizzed off
GG: don’t ice me, man
GP: i knew you'd be crushed
GG: you read me to a tea
GP: sorry we have to stop god says he's tired of puns on this side of the veil because i'm dead and whatnot
GG: okay i'll stop before i make him milkshake with anger
GG: okay but seriously what's this about this car funny business?
GG: tell me more
GP: uh, me plus bike plus car turning on a red light equals giant bruise on my chest from the handlebar deciding to try and merge with my torso
GP: and a wheel that looks like a figure 8
GG: what!!!
GP: oh and dying
GP: okay you caught me i'm alive sheesh
GG: oh no bro i totally thought bruises were fatal
GG: i thought that was a thing
GP: it is a thing
GP: but my bruise is yellow now and that means pause, don't die
GP: if it was green we'd be in trouble
GG: also if you were hemophiliac
GP: because bruises come in stoplight shades
GG: right
GG: everyone knows this
GP: it's a thing
GG: they're funky light shows
GP: i'm in college
GP: so i am qualified to say this is a thing
GG: you think you're so hip because you're still in college
GG: pfft
GP: whatever
GG: rest of us workin' stiffs just out here makin' our livings
GP: it took me two years of hard work to get back to college
GG: okay good point
GG: so instead of hip
GG: you're more like
GG: hip replacement
GG: ZING
GP: yes
GP: because if i were hip i would be playing video games with ray, because he's the hippest and he keeps trying to get me to play some game with him
GG: ugh
GG: you too eh?
GP: yes
GP: and i'm like
GP: "bro meno, do i look like i play video games? no, because i'm in shape."
GP: and he's like
GP: "dude me too, that's an unfair stereotype"
GP: and i'm like "i know, i'm just trying to avoid playing"
GG: he said the same thing to me when I was lke "do I look like I live in my mother's basement?" and "do I look like I promote an infantile, misogynistic culture that tries to present itself as an intellectual superiority?"
GP: oh, so you went the whole "look at my big words i am smart now leave me alone" route
GP: i debated that
GP: but the pathway looked too full of thornes and i just couldn't handle going that hemingway, so i split it in twain instead
GP: god the puns
GP: they keep happening
GG: oh god if you get me on literary puns i will never stop
GG: we have to nip this int he bud before it starts
GP: agreed
GP: so
GP: uh
GP: video games
GG: video games
GG: god
GP: what is ray's deal
GG: I don't know man
GG: I love the guy but come on dude
GG: do i even look like i can do a thing like that
GP: i think he's just lonely being in the flyover states now all by himself
GG: true
GP: now that i live on the coast i have an automatic bias against america's heartland
GG: see i've always had that deep-seated, being born and raised on the coast
GG: i've got over two decades of disregard for the flyovers, true story
GP: mine is only shallowly seated right now
GG: oh it'll grow
GP: but when i started paying rent on the coast it was nice of them to send me my unfounded superiority complex free of charge
GP: it makes me feel good inside
GG: probably slower for you since you're out west and all and we're a little more snobbish here in the east
GG: i mean, with good reason of course
GG: but I digress
GG: coasts are the most
GG: end of story
GP: back to ray
GP: because i want to know why he keeps bugging us all
GP: i was like "ray, i got hit by a car"
GP: and he was like "great, does this mean you'll have free time to play video games with me?"
GP: after he said things like "man that must have sucked are you okay?"
GG: hahaha what
GP: because only after expressing concern and appropriate levels of condolences is it okay to make that kind of joke
GG: usually
GG: sometimes if you know the person reallyw ell you can skip right to the joke
GG: I thinkt hat's a "I have seen this person without clothes at least twice" level of comfort
GP: or "i have slept in your bed" comfort
GG: right! so what you and I share
GP: absolutely
GP: and almost TD
GP: because he slept in my chair
GG: oh believe me, TD and I share that level of comfort
GP: anyway, i should probably go to bed
GP: it is late and i have to make people their stimulants to get them through their day in the morning
GP: let me know if you figure out why ray's so obsessed with something that's not Halo or that dumb webcomic he keeps talking about
GG: oh man well i will tell him you send all your kisses to him
GG: and you ought to give that comic a chance actually
GG: MM got me to read it finally
GG: it's actually not too bad
GP: man who even wants to read terrible comics made in mspaint
GG: i was surprised
GG: yeah, i know
GG: i thought it'd be p awful
GG: but it's actually pretty fun
GG: and fun's cool and stuff??
GP: but bro namath, a comic based on fan commands sounds awful
GG: yeah in princicle i have got to be int he agreeing with you on that
GG: who knows what kind of ridiculous ###### could sneak in
GG: like fizzing on toys or something
GP: man i don't even
GG: or making a visual reference to some hit single fromt he 80s
GG: yeesh
GG: plus there's the danger of getting so meta
GG: you never want to be meta in a comic
GP: god i hate it when comic authors get meta
GP: they think they're so cute
GP: "wink nod what fourth wall"
GG: especially when it's a bunch of mary-sure inserts being meta
GG: the bloodyw orst, man
GP: the fourth-wall is almost essential to proper storytelling
GP: breaking the fourth-wall better have some super important literary meaning
GP: it needs to stand for something when it doesn't stand
GG: right
GG: like when Fabian says "if this were a play upon a stage, I would condemn it as an improbable fiction!"
GG: the line functions wholly within the narrative but also makes a subtle and knowing wink to the audience
GG: that's how you're meta with class and subtlety
GG: i'm going to believe Lady Shakespeare wrote that line
GP: Or the whole "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players"
GG: right!
GP: speaking of which, since we all have our exits and entrances
GP: i need to exit stage right to bed
GG: are you sure this wasn't your debut?
GP: broseph gordon-levitt, i don't need a debut yet, i don't think my cue has been called
GG: haha, well, until then,
GG: stay sexy, my friend
GP: i will
GP: sleep well brosephine humphreys
GG: you too, bro and arrow
GP: hehe <3

graphicalPerfectionist signed off at 1:25 EST

Edited by McSmeag, Apr 26 2012 - 02:27 PM.

[Princess Grr]

::::

Spoiler

GG: wait, hang on a second
GG: it's not even 1:30. Isn't it like only like 10:30 where you are?
GG: what do you mean, "you need to go to bed"?

graphicalPerfectionist is offline

GG: eh whatever

[ANDREW]: Enter HOUSEMATE'S room

Of course. You reach for the doorknob and -

DUDE, what are you thinking?! No no no. The point right now is to AVOID that guy.

[ANDREW]: Smash the key bowl on the floor

Well, all right. You take a swing at the key bowl and send your keys, the bowl, and the table crashing to the floor.

Man, why did you even do that anyway. That's not exactly the sort of thing you do ever. Either you're way too stressed out about your HOUSEMATE, or the author has a poor grip of your character.

[ANDREW]: Ride the tiny tank

There we go, that's significantly more whimsical. Under your direction, the vehicle of war becomes the PEACEMOBILE, firing blasts of PEACE, LOVE, and BEATLES throughout the hallway.

[ANDREW]: Willy-nilly about with that Nerf gun

All right well you're not much of a gun guy but -

OH GOD MAKE IT STOP

[ANDREW]: Captchalogue Nerf gun

I NEED A FIX 'CAUSE I'M GOING DOWN

DOWN TO THE BITS THAT I LEFT UPTOWN

I NEED A FIX 'CAUSE I'M GOING DOWN...

...

HAPPINESSSSSSSS IS A WAAARM GUN (BANG BANG, SHOOT SHOOT!)

Man that song gives you chills every time. Definitely one of the best tracks on the white album, possibly the finest eclectic mess in all of musical history. You were lucky enough to land a first-printing copy of that record, straight from 1967. Also a good album to get frisky to, strangely. Must be all the experimentation.

[ANDREW]: Something something BE PRINCESS GR.

No, no no. Now is NOT the time to BE PRINCESS GR. You don't even have the accoutrements, let alone the impetus. NOT NOW.

[ANDREW]: Kick down the door to the next room you want to enter

Yeah, sure, why not.

::::

Problem is, there wasn't a door between the hallway and living room. It just leads straight in.

Edited by McSmeag, Apr 29 2012 - 08:17 PM.

[Princess Grr]

::::

Oy vey.

Yet another reason why violence is never the answer.

[ANDREW]: Examine surroundings

You find yourself in your LIVING ROOM. The furnishings are a touch sparse and threadbare: some old chairs and tables you found on a street corner; a television set and video game box thinger of your housemate's, and so on. Neither of you is on the especially AFFLUENT side of things, so everything you guys own tends to be secondhand. The fact that you've got such a spacious apartment is only because of an under-the-table deal of questionable legality and questionable morality that you two worked out with the landlord.

Life in the city is fast, kids.

[ANDREW]: Play Atari thinger

Okay uh let's see the joystick controls the box thingie and the button fires the...wait...that's...okay way can i back up...um...oh...is that it? Did I get points?

Okay yeah this is entirely futile.

[ANDREW]: Read the large red book on the table in one sitting

Ah, the NORTON SHAKESPEARE, you mean, arguably the finest collection of the Bard's complete works? You've already read it all multiple times. This is certainly more your speed - far easier to handle than the electronic thinga-ma-bob.

[ANDREW]: Don your magnificent headgear. All simultaneously.

IS THE WORLD READY FOR A 2x FEDORA COMBO WITH A SAFARI HAT TOPPING??

Probably not. You sing "Leopard-Skin Pillbox Hat" by Bob Dylan and captchalogue the fancy chapeaus.

[ANDREW]: Ogle poster of the Supremes

Ohhhhh yes. Oh yes. Diana Ross...Florence Ballard...Mary Wilson...has there every been a finer union of voices? Never before and never since has any music had production values as high as the MOTOWN label, and the SUPREMES were one of their crown jewels. Ross' calm, glistening vocals soar into your hear with Ballard and WIlson's harmonies and some of the most accomplished, pristine music of the twentieth century serving as the foundation. It is nothing short of stunning music performed by three stunningly gorgeous women. Be still, heart; be still. If the concept of beauty were distilled into auditory form, it would be indistinguishable from the Supremes' music.

The glamorous, feminine beauty of the Ross, Ballard, and Wilson also made an important statement at a time when institutional racism meant labels and audiences alike imposed an image of black performers as "unrefined." The Supremes pointedly refused to cow-tow to this bigoted stereotype and broke barriers with their regal grace, boldly making a statement that should have been common sense: everyone deserves to act and appear however she or he wants, regardless of race (or creed). We still have a long way to go as a society, but the Supremes show that people can use their music and art to bring positive change in this world. And that's beautiful.

And speaking of beautiful, have you stressed enough how beautiful they are? Oh Diana Ross. Oh, oh. Take me in your arms, baby love. Whenever you're near me, I hear a symphony.

[S] [ANDREW]: Notice something sticking out from behind the recliner

::::

Yeah, actually, that's probably not BZ appropriate. And it's personal. You slip is back behind the chair.

[ANDREW]: Do something that actually advances your plot.

Geez, someone's cranky! Fine, you'll just proceed to the kitchen and not do ANY EXPLORING there. No phantasmal commands, just PURE PLOT. YEAH. The conceit of this whole exercise was DUMB anyway!!

The bounty you seek lies on the counter. You draw a sharp breath. Extant is the moment where turning back is rendered impossible. Seize this quarry and you won't be able to ######## your way out of participating in this tomfoolery.

[ANDREW]: Indulge in a momentary distraction

A scent lingers in the kitchen, the heady aroma of heated oil and crisped potatoes. Your interest piqued, you turn to investigate the source. The fryer, still warm, sits cooling slowly, filled with oil. You can tell it's been recently used.

[ANDREW]: Examine kitchen table

A bowl sits neglected, the spectre of sprinkled salt hanging in the conditioned air above it. A note confirms your olfactory observation: your housemate has been here very recently, and has cooked a batch of fries for himself.

It has become something of a discontented tradition in the household to make french fries, following an incident months upon months before. You'd made a bowl of fries for yourself and left the room momentarily, only to find the bowl emptied upon your return. Your lying cur of a housemate claimed to have not eaten them, but no-one else was in the residence at the time. Since the incident, every time you've made fries, they've vanished the instant you turned your back - always with only one plausible culprit.

But the plot has thickened as the months have worn. Bizarrely, your housemate has begun accusing YOU of stealing HIS fries as well, staging strange settings such as this. An empty bowl, a missing batch of fries, an accusation of you being the one to eat them - when you know quite factually that you did not. Is he making fries, eating them, and then accusing you of doing so as some sort of complex mind game? You wouldn't put it past him. But the whole situation is approaching its breaking point.

Something's got to give, and soon.

Edited by McSmeag, May 23 2012 - 01:04 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[S][Andrew]: Say hi to your roommate

(quick pause on commands: new character incoming!)

Edited by InnerRayg, Jun 04 2012 - 03:18 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Ray]: Have an anxiety attack!



An anxiety attack? What? Why ever would you do that? I mean, it's not like lightning just struck a tree TWENTY FEET AWAY FROM YOU or something! It's not like there's now a blaze threatening your home for the second time today or anything! No! perfectly good here!

Predictably your high levels of anxiety release your smart phone from that increasingly ridiculous inventory system you call a Sylladex. You quickly note that your initial fear you experienced during the strike also managed to lock the game inside a Captchalogue card, only to be released when once again you can experience the joys of nearly soiling your own pants in terror. Thank goodness we noted that so everybody could be clear about what happened.

You should probably try calling the fire department before your entire house has burned down.


[Ray]::::



Unfortunately, someone starts bothering you the very second you try to call the local emergency services. And a good thing to, or you might have done something silly like responsibly responsd to what is clearly a dire situation.

Spoiler

InebriatedDictator (ID) began aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 12:28 CST

ID: Hey.
IR: 911
IR: Ugh dang I meant to call that. You kind of popped up as I was typing it.
IR: I'll get back to you in a bit. Kind of an emergency.
ID: Don't.
ID: Do not call them.
IR: Um....Why?
ID: They can not help you.
ID: There is only one way to stop the fire now.
IR: Right right, of course, how stupid of me! I just need to summon the magic rain fairies that will bring with them the great torrents of sky water that flow from the beards of a thousand atmowizards onto our humble mortal shoulders.
IR: We are so blessed for their gift, and unto them I say an offering.
IR: I am offering up my absolute defiance of this idiotic idea of not calling the fire department.
ID: Shut up.
IR: Bossman, what's with the attitude?
ID: I.
ID: Sorry.
ID: It has been a rough few days.
ID: And I'm running low on intoxicants.
ID: Look man I can not talk about it too much.
ID: Just...trust me. Ok?
IR: Hold on.
IR: I never told you there was a fire.
IR: Annnnnd I'm officially creeped out.
IR: I always knew you were working for the man but I didn't know you had spy satellites trained on me. I'll bet your thumb is just hovering over the "fire missile" button.
ID: Oh god I have such a headache.
ID: There are no satellites. I know there is a fire the same way I know what you need to do to save yourself, and to save your home.
ID: What you must do is take that game, put it in your computer and play it with Andrew.
ID: Yes. It is stupid. Just.
ID: Trust me.
ID: Also, it is an order.
ID: Do not make me fire the missile.

InebriatedDictator (ID) ceased aggravating IrritableRevenant (IR) at 12:29 CST

[Ray]::::



You're really not sure what to think now. On one hand, you can't think of a stupider thing to do than try and play a game while a fire rages.



On the other hand, he is your friend, and for all his faults he has never steered you wrong. Maybe he knows something you don't.



This game has been surrounded in mystery. No press, no screenshots, just whispered rumors on forums not to be mentioned, and then the mysterious invitation from the boss on the behalf of Lego themselves. But why you? Why any of you? You're still way outside of the demographic of eight to ten year old boys who would be buying this stuff, no matter how childish you try to act. Perhaps...perhaps it will give you a way to solve this.



Or perhaps it will provide a wonderful distraction as you burn to death.

[???]::::



Suddenly, you find yourself through the looking glass. You are now a mysterious individual, doing mysterious things with mysterious motives.



Before you lies eight screens. Eight screens, eight players, and eight chances to screw this up.



By the looks of it, thanks to these numbskulls you are going to be about as successful as a snowball on a summer day.



God you need a drink.

[???]: Reveal yourself!



You attempt to reveal yourself only to be whisked away to yet another deeply shadowed room containing a strange computer screen, a silhouetted individual and some mysterious motivation and loyalties! You're starting to get a little burned out on mysterious figures sitting in rooms in front of strange computer screens. I mean what is this, the third one in a row? We get it, you're teasing important characters, get over it already! You can't just string a story along like this with teaser after teaser without actually giving some solid content out once and awhile too!



After all, you're quite the storyteller. In fact, you could say it's your job to tell stories. Not just any stories though - the best kind of stories, visual ones! If there's someone who better understands how to write a comic you'll eat your hat. In fact, you are working on a new series of comics right now that you just know everyone will love. It's a shame you're so busy, because if you were in charge of certain other comics you might be able to salvage a usable story from that burning heap of wreckage. Not that you're naming names, you're just saying.



Oh well. Back to work!

Edited by InnerRayg, Jun 05 2012 - 02:45 AM.

[InnerRayg]

[Mooch???]: Reveal Yourself!

Excuse me? You are no mooch! You've just a crippling addiction to salted potatoes. It's a real problem! You're pretty insalted, and in any case you're way too busy making comics to be in one. You're just gonna have to stay mysterious for now!

[???x2]::::

Here, be this tall looking gentleman instead.

Edited by InnerRayg, Jun 07 2012 - 12:28 AM.

[Makaru]

[???x2]: X2 PSYCHE OUT COMBO



Another new character, this is starting to be quite arduous. Who could this suave gentleman be?

[???x2]: Reveal Name Post-Haste!



This.... this simply will not do.

[???x2]::::

[Brian]::::



Your name is BRIAN LAWSON. You love MYSTERIES and SECRETS, particularly ones you are neck-deep in unravelling. As referenced earlier, you are a member of the BETTER ROYAL CANADIAN ORDER OF SUAVE GENTLEMEN; an organization of totally real people and not something you just made up to look cool to your many Southern friends. Solicitations for your friendship are numerous in quantity.

When you were young, like a true gentleman, you put all of your points into your HEIGHT and INTELLIGENCE attributes. It is a PAGE taken right out of your favourite story, PROBLEM SOOTH. At your current level of SKEPTIC EXTRAORDINAIRE, your bars are maxed to the nines. You are pretty sure this will bear no ill will to any future events. A gentleman like you has no need for costly imagination.

You share a kinship with your friends over a certain PLASTIC BRICK CONGLOMERATION. While your friends still play with their Bionic Mans, you have adhered to the much more conventional brick style. You have so many houses and cars and square-chested robodroids at your disposal! You get along fine with your friends though, even if this is a HUGE THING within the fan community and entirely silly to EVERYONE ELSE. You pay these zealots no MIND.

[Brian]: Inspect Room.



One could surmise that sound equipment is one of your many interests since your floor and furniture is littered with chips and cords of all sizes. This is something that one of your friends absolutely loves, and another absolutely hates. It is the source of a great rivalry. By the layout of your items, one could also guess that you are a really messy person, but they misunderstand your order of chaos. You know where everything is at all times.

In tune with that interest, you also have a large assortment of movies and music, as well as books on movies and music. You don't plaster your walls with movie posters because they are already on the cases of your favourite flicks, and because that would be tacky. The act of putting posters all over your wall has always confused you.

[Brian]: Inspect Teddy Bears



You are quite positive there has never been a teddy bear in your room, and never will be. Frankly, the notion strikes you as childish and silly.
However, you love knives and playing with knives, like any good Canadian. You are an avid fan of hunting even though you have never actually caught anything. It definitely has nothing to do with the way you scamper through the woods in your back yard noisily with tiny blades against large local fauna faster than you.

[Brian]: Resist Urge to Jump in the Knife Pile



Jump in the knife pile? That sounds like it would be ungentlemanly and quite dangerous.
You should have no difficulty wait what are you doing?

[Brian]::::




YEEEEOOOOOWWWurnnngh?

Edited by Makaru, Jun 07 2012 - 01:25 PM.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Wonder Why the Carpet in Your Room is White



You cannot wonder why your carpet is white for a few reasons. Item the first, you already discovered the secret behind your accomodation's flooring many years ago! Item the second, your floor is not carpet. It is actually some manner of ceramic or hard monomer. Quite easy to clean, and electrically inert! Fitting for an electrical wizard such as yourself. Your floor has always been this way, ever since you discovered it in infancy.


[Brian]: Be Too Sexy For Your Shirt



It -is- pretty warm in here. Perhaps you have some apparel more suited for your current environment. Luckily, your CLOTHESET is at the ready for such an occasion!


[Brian]: Open Clotheset



All right, let's take a look at this thing.


[Brian]::::



Everything is arranged by clothing type. Items that are listed at the top show you what you are wearing. They are also faded out in the lower inventory panel. You can wear and change into any items listed except for any grayed out ones. Grayed out items are universally understood UI convention for nonaccessability. You have not unlocked these outfits, and you are entirely unsure how to do that yet!


[Brian]: Wear Hat



It's a pretty sweet hat, but you currently aren't solving any mysteries! You leave the hat where it is.


[Brian]::::



No sense changing out of one identical outfit into another. You step out of the clotheset.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Clean Up Your Teddy Bears

​

You carefully store your KNIVES in one of the INVENTORY slots in your SLEUTH MODUS. It's getting hard to think with all this clutter, so really it's just a matter of YEOWCH!

[Brian]: Nurse Teddy Bear Wound

The only wound worth nursing is your dumb wounded pride.

[Brian]: Look at Your Modular Buildings in Grand Detail. Leave No Stud Unturned!

You love these things. They are so awesome and intricate. You love picking them up and beholding their splendor.

[Brian]::::

You have spent countless hours slaving over this hot city block. You worked your fingers to the bone for your craft. But lo, the reward is the man-hours spent perfecting this picturesque scene.

[Brian]::::

Good grief!!

[Brian]: Now That We Have Formally Met, Impress Us. Preferably With FIRE and LOGIC.

What a preposterously long command. And how do you propose to do that?

[Brian] Use Your CANADIAN POWERS to Solder that Circuitry

Great idea! Both productive to the plotline AND fun to watch! You just sit down at your bench there and... Wait a minute.

[Brian]:::

Bothersome! Your soldering iron is not working! You should jot this down on your list of MYSTERIES TO SOLVE.

[Brian]: Retrieve your MYSTERIES TO SOLVE Notebook

You literally never go ANYWHERE without this thing.

[Brian]: Jot Down Your New Mystery

Good job, junior detective!

[Brian]: Wear the Hat

Now you have a real whopper of a mystery on your hands, which means you can now don your SLEUTHING HAT!

[Brian]::::

Someone get this pot off the fire. Could this guy even BE more hard boiled?

[Brian]::::

You believe that you will find as far as sleuths go, you are simply the best there is.

Edited by Makaru, Jun 09 2012 - 02:58 AM.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Recall Previous Investigations



You happily recall your many cases in perfect detail. Too bad your terrible imagination is awful at rendering your near-perfect memory.



[Brian]: Recall How You Stole Andrew's PRIZED FEDORA and Re-Purposed it as Your SLEUTHING HAT.



Balderdash! You've been wearing this fabulous hat since you've had the investigrit to do so! As a matter of fact, you keep a photo documenting such truths in a very, very safe place.



[Brian]: Retrieve photo from very, very safe place



This is a great idea, considering you only JUST broke your safe place moments prior!


[Brian]::::



Look at this guy. That is such his hat if ever there was one. To imply that this hat belonged to both you and your best bud at the same time would require some manner of time shenanigans to be involved. How preposterous!



[Brian]: Pester Someone



What were you doing again? Oh right, mysteries! It never hurts to get some outside perspective on puzzles like these. And you know just the dame. She is all over puzzles like you on a case.



[Brian]::::



Oh for Pete's sake, your computer isn't working either. This is a real pickle you've stumbled upon. What could be affecting all of your electronics?



[Brian]: Crawl Under Desk



You crouch down to have a look-see. It then dawns on you why nothing is working. Nothing is plugged in because there isn't even a plug on the wall to use! Why would you even put your computer here in the first place?



[Brian]: Inspect Sweet Equipment



Oh what, this ginormous 80in LED High Definition Smart TV with full 5.1 surround sound and full WIFI capabilities? Yeah, you suppose that is pretty sweet. You have all this jazz plugged into a weird green hub you found a while ago in this very room. It is more than accommodating for the ridiculous power draw you can only imagine this nifty set-up requires.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Attempt to Lift Your TV Above Your Head for no Apparent Reason.



You attempt and fail. That sucker's just too heavy for you to lift. You would require the help of someone with brutish strength to to that.



[Brian]: Try to Turn on the Television.



The television is already on! You have this hooked up to your computer via a wifi connection. It currently refuses to play anything other than this grey screen of inactivity. You know, for a guy who's a super-whiz at technology, you have a lot of useless electronics.



[Brian]: Fondly Regard Green Picture on Wall



You ogle disconcertingly at your hero. You plan to one day finally reach the end of his harrowing deeds.



[Brian]: Equip Your Weapon Slot



Gotta be careful with this. Sometimes things just get...



[Brian]::::



Calamity!



[Brian]: Equip All Your Knives



Nah, you've learned your lesson. You simply can't hold all these bears.



[Brian]::::



The mystery deepens...



[BRAIN]::::



Now if only wait what?



[BRAIN]::::



Why it's your good friend, Brain! He's sort of a help function of your TV you guess? Looks like he's trying to tell you something!



[BRAIN]: A Good Detective Always Knows the Case Inside and Out.



Good idea, Brain! If it's one thing detectives are good at, it's stumbling hazardously into situations they are not familiar with to solve the case! It almost always works!



[Brian]::::



Here goes...



[Brian]::::



Uh...

[Brian]::::



Well, then.



[Brian]::::



No. Just no. You have never been much of a gaming completionist, and you're not going to start now.

Edited by Makaru, Jun 25 2012 - 11:59 PM.

[Makaru]

[Brian]: Insert your Teddy Bear Into Electric Outlet.



This room doesn't have outlets, remember? You carve one in the wall out of frustration instead.



[Brian]: Lament the Absence of a Place to Plug the Power Strip.



Nobody knows the troubles you've seen. Nobody.



[BRIAN]: Assist Brian



What's got this little guy excited?



[Brain]::::



Of course! You forgot how useful that hub is, even if you know next to nothing about it! If there's a better idea than playing with electricity in quantities you can't even comprehend, you don't even want to hear it.



[Brain]: Plug Power Strip into Hub



You trade your notebook for the cord in your inventory. This Modus has its finicky moments. If you did not already know its intricacies, you imagine the task of simply using the cord would have been long and arduous and most silly indeed!



[Brian]::::



Yeah, you kinda figured that would be the next step. You grumble something rude about brain science.



[Brain]: Plug Computer into Strip to Complete the Circuit




Step OFF, homes, you got this!


[Brain]: Turn on Your Computer to Use



Sorry buddy, but you're not about to play this on easy mode. You have neither the time nor the patience attributes.



[Brian]::::



[Brian]: Turn Off Brain



Arrivederci, Cerebellum.



[Brian]::::



The system boots up. You hear the triumphant chime of success boom over your loudspeakers. The grey screen of inactivity has been defeated!