Edited by Emile A239, May 08 2012 - 12:35 PM.
"team Curse" Review Topicteam curse epic epics review Lord of the Ring Lord of the Rings review topic
Posted Feb 25 2012 - 10:09 AM
Posted Feb 25 2012 - 10:47 AM
Posted Mar 11 2012 - 10:12 AM
Posted Mar 13 2012 - 02:26 PM
Posted Mar 18 2012 - 07:51 PM
Posted Mar 19 2012 - 08:25 AM
Edited by Emile A239, May 08 2012 - 12:36 PM.
Posted Mar 24 2012 - 01:42 PM
Posted Mar 24 2012 - 01:51 PM
Edited by Emile A239, May 08 2012 - 12:37 PM.
Posted Mar 25 2012 - 04:18 PM
back to the living world
The fact is, how could he possibly be back to living world?
Definitely not anyone first desire.
Aetius' or Aetius's - your call.
stopping Aetius hand mid-air.
Comma between 'it' and quotation mark and comma between 'him' and quotation mark.
“I mean, the fact that it” and he pointed a finger to the creature that was yet defending him “ protected me.
that it protects you
I don’t approve it protects you.
Plural of Toa is still Toa.
I see Toas and Vorox now go side by side, huh?
In a week's time
In a week time we should get to the City.
Sand is everywhere, but the desert is anything but? I'm confused on that.
The desert was made of anything but sand - sand everywhere the eye could see.
how they can be enough
But no one knows how can they be enough.
In short, they’re travel was quite quiet, except some events.
hadn't been their biggest problem
even if that hasn’t been their biggest problem.
Comma between 'here' and quotation mark.
“Our pain ends here” said a newly smiling Aetius.
Plurals of Toa, Glatorian, and Matoran remain unchanged in spelling.With the grammatical out of the way, let's look over Team Curse as a story. I have to ask, is the little group you've created supposed to be the "Team Curse" you're referring to, or will they actually be cursed later on? I suppose answering might spoil some of your later revelations, so don't reply if it will ruin the plot later. Back to your characters, there's a nameless Toa, what I assume is a Glatorian named Aetius, and a Vorox heading for a city. Your plot reminds me of the Wizard of Oz a bit, if only slightly. You have travelers headed to a city and the newcomer to Spherus Magna is going there to find answers.The Toa has some connection to his past, however, seeing how he retains a sense of duty to honoring the Toa code. I'm curious to see what answers he'll receive in New Atero, and what that will mean for him. The forest was a disturbing place in itself, and I'm wondering if you'll explain why it did more harm to the Toa than the Glatorian.As a I said earlier, though, I wanted to discuss your writing style. There's certainly something outdated about it, but that's not a bad thing necessarily. I've become so accustomed to reading modern work that this is a real throwback to some of the stuff I had to study in high school. There's something ancient about the way you describe your world, but Bionicle is technically set in the "time before time," and I think it works well with your epic thus far. I still had to read it carefully, to not get tripped up on your unique style.Your chapters are fairly short (I can read each one without scrolling down the page), and with only four completed, there's not a lot more I can say. You've got solid ground to work with in terms of starting this epic, and while your stylization isn't something I encounter much, I can appreciate it all the same. It's too early to say one way or the other, but if my speculation means anything, I think this will turn out to be a great epic.-Ced
City of Toas and Glatorians, Matorans and Agori:
Posted Mar 26 2012 - 08:55 AM
Edited by Emile A239, May 08 2012 - 12:37 PM.
Posted Mar 27 2012 - 08:10 PM
Posted Apr 10 2012 - 01:05 PM
Aside from that, I found the chapter very intruiging, and the choice of weapon for your main character was a bit cliche, but the ending made up for any errors. Classic words right there. The next chapter definitely has a high level of quality to reach, thanks to an ending like that.
A towering structure, lined with upwards-curving spikes, marked the center of the gleaming city. Towering buildings of the oddest shapes surrounded it, pressed close together for protection.
Posted Apr 10 2012 - 01:37 PM
Edited by Emile A239, May 08 2012 - 12:37 PM.
Posted Apr 15 2012 - 02:39 PM
Posted Apr 15 2012 - 05:36 PM
Posted Apr 17 2012 - 08:58 AM
Chapter five was good, but for me, chapter six really stuck out. There was a lot of great word usage that set the mood quite effectively.The being in the void was interesting - it reminded me a bit of the conclusion to the 2001 Bionicle story, when Makuta (claiming to be the Void) became a swirling mass of parts that attacked the Toa.
Okay guys, let's start. As Tazakk noticed, this chapter was very descriptive, but it also had a new, important character: the thing in the void. We'll know more about it in chapter 8 ( or 9 ). Then, New Atero's description. As Darkon told me in a PM, I've finally put on some details of it, and more is coming in the next chapter. About wording and thoughts, I based it on myself, it's kinda auto-biographical.I'm happy you're enjoying my epic, but there's news, Darkon should know what I'm talkin' about! In facts, soon I'm going to post the first official MOC of Team Curse, maybe also with a drawing done by me, so keep track of my activities!EDIT: okay, chapter 7 is ready and will come out tomorrow, the sixth of May. Sorry for the delay, but we must thank the "malicious individual" for that, above all.
YES! New Atero's description!Ahem.Anyway, good chapter! I really liked the wording, the character's thoughts... oh, and a super-secret-not-to-mention-evil-Void-occuping-fiend. That was definitely a plus.
Edited by Emile A239, May 05 2012 - 12:55 PM.
Posted May 06 2012 - 11:56 AM
Posted May 08 2012 - 12:44 PM
Posted Jul 13 2012 - 11:34 AM
In a century/in a hundred years
In a century years
Posted Jul 13 2012 - 11:44 AM
Posted Jul 18 2012 - 11:58 AM
Posted Aug 14 2012 - 01:32 PM
Posted Aug 14 2012 - 01:52 PM
Well, happy you liked this! But, what do you say about the Vorox-thing? ( I'm asking because it's a thing I've bet much on )
Oh, that was a good one.The first two parts of the story were my favorites, setting the tone, revealing the characters' thoughts. I really enjoyed this one, and I can't wait to read the next.
Posted Aug 15 2012 - 09:47 AM
Posted Aug 15 2012 - 10:42 AM
Glad it turned out to be exciting!I don't think you'll have to refer back to this chapter, I was planning on saying it step by step, whenever the prophecy came to reality.And, I've got the photos of Aetius. I should post them as soon as possible.
The Vorox aquiring the aility to speak was an exciting plot twist! It will be interesting to see how it effects the course of the story.I have a feeling I may be referring back to this chapter often later on, trying to figure who of the team is who in the prophecy.
Posted Oct 02 2012 - 01:04 PM
Posted Oct 02 2012 - 04:06 PM
Joev14, Owner of Infinite Inspiration Incorporated
check out the exo-force wiki, owned by yours truly
The Powers That Be Continuation | The Yesterday Quest Continuation
Secrets of the Star Cont. | End of the Beginning Cont. (VIDEO PODCAST SERIES) | Element of Surprise Cont.
My Short Stories
The Last Memories | Birth of the Kal | Key of the Codrex | Web of Karzahni
The Depths Below | Monster | Out of the Darkness | Archive
Posted Oct 03 2012 - 12:33 PM
Thanks for the review and glad you liked this one, too. For your information, I should keep that style also in the next Chapter. Big twist next time, beware!
This is getting better and better.The second point of view is much appreciated, and if I may be so bold as to make a suggestion, you should keep it. I'd love to see how the Turaga and the Council react to all the events Aetius & Co are sure to witness/create. The new character was an interesting addition, and all together, this was a very nice chapter, a brief escape to another being's mind and perspective.
Thanks for the review and welcome to the Team Curse Fan club! The golden armor is actually part of his "return". Can't say more, it's gonna be explained soon! I was planning to reveal his name in Chapter 12, so hold tight. It's close, if I won't be slowed a lot due to school. Glad you liked the Vorox, he's something I bet much on.Would you kindly, if possible, list the errors and awkward sentences you've found? My English still has to be improved a lot. ^^"Thanks again for the reviews, guys! I'll surely keep up the work and I'll start writing Chapter 11 as soon as I have a decent break, probably this Saturday.
I love this epic, sorry I haven't gotten around to actually posting in the review topic. there are however, a few typos and awkwardly written sentences that could be done better. but you do a fantastic job of describing your characters. I am now certain I know who the Toa is, and I think you kind of gave it away when you mentioned he had golden armor you should reveal his name in the next chapter, since it's getting a little bit boring to have him referred to as simply "the Toa when it's quite obvious who he is now. Just a thought. Keep up the good work, I'm also eager to hear more about the Vorox, he's a nice addition to the team.
Posted Oct 06 2012 - 07:54 AM
Posted Oct 06 2012 - 08:51 AM
Well, thank you for your review, Tazakk! Vakama was actually meant to be put in the plot before this chapter, but that part got changed and he "fell" here. I'm glad this turned out to be well done.I'm happy this first milestone had a positive reception also from you! A big surprise in the next chapter waits everyone!
It was nice to hear from a familiar character in this chapter - Vakama. I think the way you introduced him was clever; at the moment, we don't know if he is going to be an antagonist or not. As such, even though we are all familiar with Vakama, there is a new dynamic to him that keeps things interesting. It was also nice to see things from a new perspective in general.Nice work!
0 user(s) are browsing this forum
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users