10 replies to this topic

[Kahi]

So, I was working on my comic for the entry, but I ran out of time to finish it. To that end, I've decided to release it here.

I'll be doing it one part at a time while I finish up that last part I was supposed to be finished on, as well as add some extra scenes

here and there that were originally cut for the sake of time and size. Think of this as the "extended edition", I guess, of what could have been.

Banner, thumbnail, more organization and whatnot are forthcoming.

---

Chapter I: Gifted

Chapter II: Warning

Chapter III: Deduction

---

Enjoy,

-Kahi

Edited by Kahinuva, Mar 10 2012 - 02:26 PM.

[Soran]

Wow, what an interesting and compelling entry. The story just grabs you and brings you into the lives of the characters. I like how instead using an all-knowing narrator which are commonly used, you use the main character's opinions, thoughts, and how he defines the matters at hand. Just the first page is mysterious enough to lure a reader in. I can honestly say that I wish you were able to finish this in time because judging by just the first page, it has a nice flow to it, and I would've voted for it in a heart beat. Very good job.

~Soran

[Justax-Kal]

This looks quite cool. It's a shame that you couldn't finish it in time, but at least now you can make it however you want without worrying about time.
Looks like your usual fusion of sprites and real backgrounds visually. It's a good reminder that sprites can be used for more.
I like your use of speech bubbles and bordered text for the dialouge and thoughts. It's a nice way to fit both in without it getting too cluttered.
Story: I'm a sucker for a good sci-fi idea. I can't wait to see your decision on the future equals fate arguement in series.
In short, I'll be watching.

J-K out.

[Kahi]

Wow, what an interesting and compelling entry. The story just grabs you and brings you into the lives of the characters. I like how instead using an all-knowing narrator which are commonly used, you use the main character's opinions, thoughts, and how he defines the matters at hand. Just the first page is mysterious enough to lure a reader in. I can honestly say that I wish you were able to finish this in time because judging by just the first page, it has a nice flow to it, and I would've voted for it in a heart beat. Very good job.

~Soran

Thanks for the feedback. I had a lot of high hopes for this project, but it didn't really come together for a while. I actually nearly did the usual "narrator" bit, but after viewing the others, I realized that there needed to be something more rooted in the characters. That being said, this is the one with the most revision/editing; the others will need some work before they're actually done.

This looks quite cool. It's a shame that you couldn't finish it in time, but at least now you can make it however you want without worrying about time.
Looks like your usual fusion of sprites and real backgrounds visually. It's a good reminder that sprites can be used for more.
I like your use of speech bubbles and bordered text for the dialouge and thoughts. It's a nice way to fit both in without it getting too cluttered.
Story: I'm a sucker for a good sci-fi idea. I can't wait to see your decision on the future equals fate arguement in series.
In short, I'll be watching.

J-K out.

My hopes for this was that people could see that sprite comics were not always the slapstick happy cut and paste jobs of years past, but could also have a decent story to go along with it. Although it may not reach the intended audience, maybe more people will get into arms and follow up with more series like that. This forum does need more diversity, and with luck the contest will inspire people to start doing that more. The sci-fi setting was another approach that I felt wasn't' being used too much in the other entries, and one I wanted to convey throughout.

With that being said, here is the original Chapter II. There's a lot of things with this Chapter that I'm not really happy with (the lighting at the end of it, for one), but I'll be editing/extending it more later on. One thing you'll notice as this goes on is that the story does slowly veer off the characters and into a story based narrative. It is something I noticed while touching them up, and will be remedied in the revisions.

[Roger Jacobsen]

I really, really, really, like this.
I would have definitely voted for it if you entered it. Not only have you gone into detail of the characters, but you've shown their lives in a certain way that I really like. You should continue this, even if you can't submit it in the contest.

Very well done, Kahi.

[Kahi]

Thanks for the kind words, Kodrak.

Anyhow, guess I'll just link the original version of Chapter III here and then continue on.

[Gerlicky]

This is pretty good. I like this.

Wait.

I like this?

Well, yeah! It's an interesting story, and the backgrounds and graphics make me wish I was involved in some kind of Group MAS. I also like how you use a new cast of characters rather than recycling them from a previous series- it really makes the series seem more original.

Keep this up.

[Tapika]

Wow this is completely awesome. It's just like... like...

It reminds me of Dokuma's stuff. It reminds me of Dlakii's stuff. It reminds me of everything by the CCC - Emkay and Vigor. You're channelling great forces here, Kahi, and...

it's something beautiful.

_{(kutgw pls)}

[Tavakai]

Like I said, this probably would have won, or gotten really close. The graphics are really smooth and shiny, the plot's original, and I like the structure of the chapters where you open and close with basically the same voice-over.

[Jovan2]

The comic is amazing. As they always are for you, the graphics are good, the characters, premise, and story is good, and the detail is good. But let's take a closer look. The use of times, places, background noise, and realistic locales really immerse you into the comic, and neither the colors of the backgrounds or the characters seem out of place, as usually happens in these kinds of works. The outer and inner monolouges let you get a good grasp of the premise and what the character is thinking. The zig-zagging of the panels and text is really fresh and interesting, and really makes you feel the passage of time. The characters are like normal people, and their interactions, no matter how irrelevant to the story, really bonds you to their world. The PA in the first comic made me feel like I was in a subway station, and the references to Bionicle medicine blew my mind with the work you put into it. The twists and reveals in the plot embroiled me in the comic, and I can't wait for the next installment.

You have won the award: "J2's Paragraph"!(J2 is my nickname now.)

[Taparu]

One thing I have found lacking in many comics on bzpower is storyline. This is not one of them. In the very first comic the story hooked me. other than storyline this comic has great graphic usage and the speech bubbles are well placed. Keep this up I would hate to see it stop.