2 replies to this topic

[VolcanoBakemeat]

When To Trust The Chronicler

Hey it's Moo!, I've been gone for a while but I'm back.

Edited by Moo!, Mar 08 2012 - 02:01 AM.

[xccj]

It's a fairly interesting start. You did a nice job of describing the society and everything. I like the idea that Matoran forget every 90 years, which gives the idea that things have changed very much and yet there is no real quarrel about it. Seems a little lacking on plot, but hopefully that will come soon. Can't wait to see where you take this.

[fishers64]

I like this epic. It's an interesting view on Metru Nui society, and you have done an excellant job on characteristing one Matoran's view of it.

It's a bit short on plot, but I think it will pick up soon, given the line at the end of the second chapter. One of the things you need to work on is hooking in the reader from the very first line; start your epic with something exciting, not some dull facts about Matoran losing memory every 90 years or whatever. I would almost have liked you to place the last line of the second chapter as the first line of the first chapter and go from there; that might have encouraged more people to read this.

Still, good job, and keep up the good work.