Posted Mar 18 2012 - 02:20 PM
I like this epic. It's an interesting view on Metru Nui society, and you have done an excellant job on characteristing one Matoran's view of it. It's a bit short on plot, but I think it will pick up soon, given the line at the end of the second chapter. One of the things you need to work on is hooking in the reader from the very first line; start your epic with something exciting, not some dull facts about Matoran losing memory every 90 years or whatever. I would almost have liked you to place the last line of the second chapter as the first line of the first chapter and go from there; that might have encouraged more people to read this. Still, good job, and keep up the good work.
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