53 replies to this topic

[Paleo]

Maldro…I like it. And I think I know what you're getting at with the similarity thing. Might PM you to make sure.
But anyway, I do like the backstory of the new Toa, although it might have been better to slowly reveal the story while they were still somewhat on the move. There needs to be a balance between movement and stationary-ness. Still, I do like the slowdown.

Also, I don't think it's THAT many PMs

Edited by Paleo, Oct 09 2012 - 05:41 PM.

[Brickeens]

I love how you keep referencing things. This chapter made me lol on several occasions.

Oh and Paleo, can you give details as to how Maldro's weapons work?

[Sumiki]

Chapter ten is now up. This one will be important in later chapters, as there's some subtle foreshadowing going on. However, I must warn against attempts at conjecture, as they likely will be wrong.

[Brickeens]

Seeing as Toa are sworn to protect Matoran, I think it's strange that the trio didn't have more reservations about attacking the cultists. Sure, the cultists attacked first, but I'd expect Toa to do pretty much anything rather than harm them.

[Sumiki]

I've never thought of all the Toa as having a 100% strict moral code. It's kind of a pesky situation, but they couldn't just sit around and let the tribute Matoran die when it became obvious that he was going to. Sure, they beat the daylights out of a few Matoran, but it saved a life (temporarily). It would have been different if the Toa actually did kill some of the cultists, but that would have been worse.

[Paleo]

Oh and Paleo, can you give details as to how Maldro's weapons work?

Maldro wields two frisbees. He has no kinetic control over them, just throws them and retrieves them eventually.

Love the new chapter. The balance between stationary parts and action parts is PERFECT, and I love the "prophecy". Plus, the pun was great . Also, I found it a little confusing that they couldn't see with the fire put out, but then I understood it was nighttime. Would've been nice to state that beforehand though.

Edited by Paleo, Oct 11 2012 - 06:18 PM.

[Sumiki]

I found it a little confusing that they couldn't see with the fire put out, but then I understood it was nighttime. Would've been nice to state that beforehand though.

There was, predictably, no response from the dusky sky.

Edited by Sumiki, Oct 11 2012 - 07:04 PM.

[Paleo]

Oh. Didn't notice that .
Still, it could've been a little clearer. Maybe talking about shadows or the orange light? Still, really great story, and I commend you for posting two great chapters in a row.

[Sumiki]

Still, it could've been a little clearer. Maybe talking about shadows or the orange light?

I could probably have done that, but I didn't want it to come off as an unnecessary detail. Plus, I didn't think bonfires were lit during the daytime very often.

Also: another new chapter, two days in a row! (I'm on a roll now.) Plot threads continue, but look for some old ones to get tied in with the next few chapters.

[Paleo]

This one is great. I definitely got a concrete picture of the village, and the Matoran frozen in time is a nice twist. I really like my "joke" too . However, it would be nice to have more scenes featuring the mysterious controller, as opposed to more and more strange occurrences.

[Brickeens]

However, it would be nice to have more scenes featuring the mysterious controller, as opposed to more and more strange occurrences.

I think Sumiki just enjoys messing with our heads.

[Paleo]

(I'm on a roll now.)

Sumiki…
is on a roll.

Edit adding content :
Also, I can't tell what is a reference and what is just a joke in this. You do such a good job of blending the references in.

Plus, it needs more puns.

Edited by Paleo, Oct 13 2012 - 08:13 PM.

[Hahli Husky]

Psssstt, as funny as "picture-chatting" can be, make sure all your posts stay on topic. Which is discussing the story.

[Paleo]

Psssstt, as funny as "picture-chatting" can be, make sure all your posts stay on topic. Which is discussing the story.

Ah. Understood. I've edited the last post to include more content

Edited by Paleo, Oct 13 2012 - 08:14 PM.