Hey there, Cederak! As you requested here’s one ECC review on Cenotaphs from yours truly.
Well, first of all I think it’s only fair to say that I baulked when I first saw the length of it. That’s not a criticism, mind, given that would have to be the pettiest thing to complain about. And as they say, you can never have too much of a good thing which I think turned out to be the case here. It was a thoroughly lengthy yet enjoyable read and one which leaves me wanting for more.
I should warn you now: this critic will be unable to offer much criticism. Nothing that hasn’t already been said anyway. If there were any spelling or grammar mistakes in there then I missed them because I was too enraptured by the flowing, extravagant detail each chapter was filled with. The entire world you created was so wonderfully realised I had no difficulty visualising each and every scene. From Mantax’s airship Brightest Midnight to the island of Nohtal you managed to clearly portray each setting to the point where I really have nothing to complain about.
Next up is the plot. Yeah, It was great.
Wait, I have to say more than that? Okay, I really did enjoy it. Chapter 1 was a fun introduction, by chapter 2 I was hooked and by chapter 3 I wanted more but I had to get off the bus, so if the short interval as I walked home was annoying that’s got to say lengths for how much fun I found your epic. The reign of the six kingdoms was an era that was so commonly glossed over by the Bionicle canon I was surprised to see it used as a setting here, but not in the least bit disappointing. I liked how everything so easily wove into the canon and you even put your own spin on the universe to the point where I’m now going to have to check everything I write from now on to ensure I’m not accidentally stealing elements from your story.
The characters were perfectly realised and had their own individual personality…except for one…But I’ll get to him later. Each member of the gang was distinct and enjoyable and I was looking forward to the ways in which they interacted with each other, particularly Stalgrax and Elendra. Even the canon characters had enjoyable appearances, from the six Barraki whose individual appearances I would eagerly await to the smaller cameos such as Sidorak and Teridax.
Well, I know I wasn’t requested to let loose a chain of compliments so I’ll offer criticism on the few places I can. As I said, I have nothing to comment on your style, punctuation or grammar so I guess that just leaves a few minor story elements. First of all, I get the idea that Adrinor’s devotion to Rovaius bloomed almost a little too quickly. Whereas in chapter 2 he was determined not to die so soon after leaving the ranch, come chapter 3 he was perfectly willing to lay his life down when Pridak ordered him to shoot Rovaius. I can understand why he wouldn’t want to in the end, but it did just seem a little strange how swiftly his attitude to survival was. I said they were minor, didn’t I?
Finally there’s also the case of the five year shift about a third of the way through. It was a little unexpected, I have to admit. There really didn’t seem to have been much that happened in those five years besides Jelveci’s death, who seemed less of a character and more of just a contrived reason why Rovaius’ team didn’t recruit any more members. I gather that was obviously the point but Jelveci just didn’t feel real enough compared to all your other bright and colourful cast. Besides the typical crime committing life-style, it surprises me just how uneventful those five years were as you pass over them so quickly. The characters seem pretty much the same as well, with perhaps some exception to Adrinor who seems to have finally settled into the shoes of a mercenary. It almost felt as though only a few weeks had passed instead of years.
I digress though. As I said, those were only small nitpicks instead of actual problems. Your epic was a fantastic read and I thank you for having me read it, if the sheer word count was a little intimidating at first. As well as during reading it. And afterwards.
Edited by The Jolly Automaton, Dec 13 2012 - 12:38 PM.