3000 Part 2
Vezok: So guys, have you heard what’s coming out later this year?
Hakann: The Playstation 3 launches?
Vezok: No, that was 2006.
Reidak: The Anaheim Ducks win the Stanley Cup!
Thok: Obama is elected President.
Zaktan: For sake of continuity, I shall guess that Bionicle moves to Bara-Magna.
Vezok: That’s 2009.
Avak: Inception blows the minds of the world.
Vezok: 2010, honestly.
Vezon: How about when BZPower goes down for six months?
Vezok: That’s 2011, you nincompoop. It’s 2012 guys, come on.
Thok: Enlighten us.
Vezok: New Super Mario Bros. U comes out this year!
Hakann: What’s a Mario?
Reidak: Why is it new?
Thok: What is this “U”?
Vezok: ... we’ve put in at least 400 hours to New Super Mario Bros. Wii. You have to be kidding me.
Zaktan: Nah. You missed it, but we had another massive brawl in the laboratory and things got kind of messy with the forgetfulness potions.
Avak: Whatever you’re gonna show us, I think it’s boring anyway.
Vezok: There’s bubbles.
Avak: I have been proven wrong.
Hakann: Zaktan, my brain is on fire again.
Zaktan: Don’t set it on fire then, you dolt!
Reidak: He set my head on fire too.
Vezok: This is going to be a long day.
Later that Day...
Vezok: Alright, so I have brought you all here, since you all finally remember your lives, to show you all the stuff they’re introducing in New Super Mario Bros. U!
Hakann: What’s that blue thing?
Vezok: Pick it up and see!
Hakann: Generally I stay away from answers like those. Reidak, pick it up!
Reidak: Okay! Hey look, bubbles!
Vezok: This is the blue baby Yoshi they have introduced. It produces bubbles!
Hakann: Isn’t that an accomplishment requiring HD hardware.
Vezok: Reidak, point it at the guy you hate most in the group.
Reidak: That’s Hakann!
Hakann: Wait, what are you doing?! No! Don’t point that thing at me!
Reidak: What now? Bubbles stopped.
Vezok: Punch it in the face.
Reidak: Hey look, Hakann’s inside the bubble now!
Hakann: Help me! Help-
Vezok: The bubbles turn enemies into coins!
Thok: And here I thought Hakann and I were the most treacherous of the bunch.
Vezok: Anyway Reidak, you can just drop that down the bottomless pit.
Vezok: Now Vezon, you can pick up that thing over there.
Vezon: That looks like a pink bubble blowing thing.
Vezok: Just pick it up.
Vezon: Okay, so what does this thing do?
Reidak: No bubbles?
Vezok: Try jumping, Vezon.
Vezon jumped and the pink baby Yoshi promptly inflated five times its regular size, floating up into the air rapidly.
Vezon: This is wicked!
Thok: Hey Vezon, look at me!
Vezon: No! No dizzy vision! No dizzy- WAAAAH!
Thok: Oops, there he goes.
Vezok: Finally! Vezon fell down a bottomless pit! Glorious!
Thok: I needed to show that you’re not the only murderous member of the group.
Vezok: Alright Thok, your turn.
Vezok: See that mushroom over there? Go eat it.
Thok: It looks like an acorn.
Vezok: EAT IT.
Thok: Alright, fine. Good riddance.
Thok: WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?! WHAT THE HECK AM I WEARING?!
Vezok: That’s the acorn mushroom! It gives you a flying squirrel suit!
Thok: A FLYING WHAT SUIT?!
Vezok: You’re now Flying Squirrel Thok!
Zaktan: Up until this point I believed that this game could trump the Wii version.
Vezok: Try flying!
Thok: I don’t want to be a squirrel!
Vezok: Too late.
Zaktan: So, what other new stuff is there?
Vezok: That’s... pretty much it.
Zaktan: When is this game being released?
Vezok: When Wii U launches, which is November or December.
Zaktan: This game is going to suck.
Avak: So no more stuff? Why even bother?
Vezok: I thought it would take longer convincing them all to die.
Thok: I CAN STILL HEAR YOU! SQUIRRELS ARE NOT DEAF!
Vezok: Still flying? Oh no, he’s floating down now. Hey Thok, watch out for the Lakitu!
Thok: The Laki-what? OW, THAT FREAKIN’ HURT!
Reidak: I don’t like Spiky shells.
Vezok: Nobody does.
Zaktan: Well, if that’s it, then I’m gonna go home and grab a snack.
Vezok: Wait! I have content from New Super Mario Bros. 2 as well!
Zaktan: Right... with one game that has barely any new content you’ve already eliminated three out of six. My survival chances are dwindling by the second.
Vezok: Just touch that gold flower over there.
Zaktan: If I die, I’m killing you.
Vezok: Somewhat impossible, but feel free.
Zaktan: Alright... ARGH, I’M GOLD! WHY AM I GOLD?!
Vezok: Throw a fire ball!
Zaktan: I’M NOT MARIO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?!
Vezok: Ugh... Reidak, press the “1” button.
Zaktan: *Throws fire ball at brick wall*
And thus the brick wall exploded into thousands of coins.
Zaktan: I’M RICH! HUZZAH!
Reidak: I CAN CONTROL ZAKTAN! HUZZAH!
Avak: What’s the aim of the game?
Vezok: To collect a million coins.
Thok: SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME THERE’S A GIANT BULLET BILL COMING FOR ME!
Vezok: You mean a Banzai Bill?
Thok: NO IT’S BIGGER AND GLOWING RED!
Vezok: Those are the invincible King Bills from the Wii version.
Reidak: He’s only like twenty feet up, why is he yelling?
Avak: Whenever Reidak starts becoming an intellectual, I become worried.
Vezok: Rightly so- we are royally screwed.
Zaktan: Hey Reidak, press the button again! I found another wall!
Reidak: Sure thing! Pressing!
Zaktan: Son of a gun, this is amazing. I found the treasure hoard!
Thok: Urk! *Squish*
Vezok: Well, it got Thok.
Avak: I guess it’s inevitable.
Reidak: Hey look, I found a 1-Up!
Avak: Curses! Well Vezok- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Vezok: I shall die the way I lived- killing you all one by one, starting with Reidak.
Reidak: Don’t kill me!
Reidak: Urk! Need... 1-Up... Mushroom...
Avak: Well, you screwed us over. You wasted that mushroom.
Zaktan: Aw, crud! There’s a King Bill! Curses!
Reidak: I’M ALIVE! IT FEELS SO WEIRD!
Vezok: I shall die the way I lived again!
Zaktan: Hey guys, I found a trap door!
Vezok: Zaktan, come here!
Vezok: I HAVE SOME COINS!
Zaktan: Yes! I’ll be even richer!
Zaktan: ... well, that was a stupid idea. Why did I come over here again?
Avak: Goodbye old enemy! Urk!
Zaktan: I hate you Vezok.
The King Bill grinned and continued on its way, where it demolished the rest of the known universe.
Vezon: Oh... phew... we made it! Man, my finger nails hurt. Those pits are not meant to be grabbed onto. What about you, inflatable Yoshi?
Vezon: ... darn. Now, where is that bubble Yoshi?
Edited by ibrow, Jun 10 2012 - 08:14 AM.