Edited by ibrow, Jun 22 2012 - 07:47 PM.
Posted Jun 22 2012 - 05:14 PM
Posted Jun 22 2012 - 05:34 PM
http://www.mocpages.com/home.php/67904 < My Mocpages!
My first (and currently ONLY) MOC on BZP! > http://www.bzpower.c...?showtopic=5426
Avatar pic taken [and edited] by me. DON"T STEAL IT!
Posted Jun 22 2012 - 07:05 PM
It's not really a title at all; this was the very first time that I actually felt restricted by the requirement to have a topic title, though at the same time I do understand that it's necessary.It's meant to be confusing, so I'm glad that I got it across. -ibrow
Cool story, very confusing. Oh by the way, VERY creative title. XD
Posted Jun 22 2012 - 07:41 PM
Posted Jun 22 2012 - 07:49 PM
Glad you enjoyed it. That "I" looks like a "T", but that's fine. Two for two in the confusion field, so it looks like it worked. Although there's only one character, not two. Glad it caught your interest. =)-ibrow
Well, other than the overuse of 'I', it was great. The way you made it confusing was a good move. Having the readers be as confused as the characters, especially in first person narratives, can really help grab interest.P.S. TO THE NUIMOBILE!!
Posted Jun 22 2012 - 08:07 PM
Posted Jun 22 2012 - 08:09 PM
Unfortunately, I will not unconfuse you. It was intended to be confusing, and thus you will remain as such under its effects. >=DI felt that having it be a Matoran and Toa made more sense than other creatures, hence why it's Bionicle. I thought about naming it as a certain Bionicle city, but decided that would detract from the feel.-ibrow
I'm pretty confused. How was this guy injured? Is he hallucinating?One thing that annoyed me was that you seemed to set this in the real world instead of some Bionicle location, which would have mad more sense. But it just makes it more confusing. If you were going for confusion, you got it. Now I would appreciate it if you would unconfuse me.
Posted Jun 22 2012 - 08:51 PM
Posted Jun 22 2012 - 08:54 PM
Thank you! So far it sounds like I succeeded in what I set out to do, but I'm sure the SSCC will tear this thing apart! -ibrow
I love the descriptive language here, and the sense of confusion that permeates the entire story just adds to the "feel" I get from it. Great job!
Posted Jun 23 2012 - 07:47 PM
Posted Jun 23 2012 - 07:55 PM