Reign of Stupidity
A BIONICLE comedy by Me!
Chapter Everything: The Only Chapter
Vezon walked between worlds.
Actually, this was untrue, thankfully. Walking between worlds had the nasty habit of causing most people to suffocate in the vacuum of space, and Vezon was obviously still alive. But still, something very weird was going on. One minute, he was in the sunshine, seeing Matoran and Dark Hunters working together to build a gigantic pie launcher, only to realize that Tava had eaten all of their ammunition. The next, he was in some place where a website called KanohiZoneTrionicle, or KZT, existed as a fansite for the story-based Mega Blocks line of "Trionicle," which was hugely popular. That last one would give him nightmares for weeks.
How had this all happened? As far as Vezon could recall, he had found a huge pizza lying in the middle of the road on Destral, and since pizza was his favorite food, he had eaten it. But it turned out that someone had pranked him by hiding an Olmak in the pizza somehow. So now there was an Olmak stuck in Vezon's stomach that liked teleporting him to random dimensions for no particular reason. He still didn't quite know how long the effect lasted, or how to control it, or if people would come with him if he ate them. That would be interesting, he thought. After all, Makuta Teridax sure looks tasty...
Somewhere else entirely, Tahu was pacing in a frustrated manor, trying his best not to burn stuff. He knew that if he did, Makuta's minions would probably find him, but the temptation was a bit too much for a comedy Tahu to handle. Finally, he just couldn't stand it any longer. "BURN STUFF!!1" he exclaimed noobishly as he set a nearby wall on fire. " "
"Hey, watch where you point that thing! I'm feeling very frustrated!" shouted the manor he was pacing in.
" " emoticonned Tahu. "Manors can talk?"
"I can, and I'm frustrated! So keep it down!" said the frustrated manor. "Better yet, go outside!"
"Fine, fine, let's go," Tahu told his group of random BIONICLE characters that were with him for some reason. He, Kopeke, Johmak, Krahka, Guardian, and Lariska were a bizarre group to be together if he ever saw one. As they emerged from the frustrated manor, he thought, They're not exactly Pohatu, Gali, Lewa, and Kopaka...but they'll have to do.
"So, what exactly are we doing here?" asked Lariska. "When do we fight stuff?"
"Fight what?" asked Johmak. "The sky? The ground? This comedy itself?"
Tahu shrugged. "Well, there is a cache of random junk a bit south of here," he said. "Maybe there might be some weapons. Or at the very least, we can chuck the junk at the sky and hope it gives Makuta a stomach ache. What do you think, Kopeke?"
" ... " ellipsed Kopeke.
"I completely agree!"
Guardian got up and wandered away from the group. He thought this whole thing was just pointless. Why couldn't Makuta just leave them all alone? Surely he had better things to do than watching his insides wander around his body trying to plan a revolution. Didn't he have important giant robot stuff to do? In his opinion, they should all just do nothing and wait for Makuta to get bored of watching his insides.
Suddenly, a giant mouth opened in the ground and swallowed Guardian. "OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" said the ground.
Tahu and the others stood up and turned toward the spot where Guardian had been swallowed. "Oh, no, a Dark Hunter's been killed!" exclaimed Tahu.
"You know, less than a story year ago, you'd be saying instead, "Good, a Dark Hunter's been killed!" Lariska pointed out.
"Yeah, well, having your universe taken over by an insane Makuta tends to have that effect on people."
Before anyone else could say anything more, a group of Exo-Toa randomly appeared out of nowhere and walked over to them. "Citizens of the Makutaverse," the lead machine began, "you are charged with--"
"What? No, I thought it was supposed to be 'The Unimakuta,'" argued another Exo-Toa.
"Master Teridax definitely said it was 'The Makutaverse,'" the first one said again.
"'Makutaverse!' And that's final!"
Lariska just shook her head at the sight of the machines arguing. "This may turn out to be the stupidest revolution ever."
* * *
Axonn had been running for several years now. After he had appeared in a large desert, he started running to try and find Brutaka, who seemed to be screaming in pain. Or maybe just laughing. Sometimes it was hard to tell the difference with that weirdo. But all this time, he had been doing nothing but running across the exact same landscape, without getting hungry or tired or anything. Just running, with Brutaka's continuous laughter or screaming always in the background. Normally, he would find the fact that this had all been going on for several years straight to be odd, but he figured it was just another hiatus of Lewa0111's. Being stuck in situations like this for years on end while Lewa0111 took his sweet time in updating his comedies was pretty typical.
But then, something happened that wasn't at all typical for just another comedy hiatus. Completely out of nowhere, the sky cracked in half and deposited Axonn on a beach. He was, understandably, confused. The desert was completely gone. Wait, what? thought Axonn with a . Then he realized. Makuta was messing with his head. Again, for the 9,876,239,489,286,580,7q6,854th time that week. Figures.
"Hey, Makuta!" Axonn shouted angrily to the sky. "If you can hear this, I'm coming to make you pay! That's the last time you mess with Axonn, the Liver Cell of your body!"
"Actually," said some random Matoran from the Southern Continent, "Our village already called being liver cells."
"Fine, then that's the last time you mess with Axonn, the Lung Cell of your body!"
"Sorry, already taken," said Toa Iruini and a bunch of Le-Matoran.
"FINE! Then that's the last time Makuta messes with Axonn, the SPLEEN CELL of his body!!"
He waited expectantly, but no more random characters appeared. The Matoran from the Southern Continent just shrugged. "Nah, spleen's still open. You can be a spleen cell if you want, nobody else really wanted it."
Axonn just sighed. "Then I am Axonn, the glorious axe-wielding Spleen Cell! Fear my...umm...spleen-ness! What does the spleen even do, anyway?"
" " responded Iruini and all the Matoran.
Back with Tahu, the Exo-Toa were still in the midst of a heated debate over whether the new universe was to be called "Makutaverse" or "Unimakuta." So far, they hadn't made much headway and had devolved into a stereotypical length-wasting comedy argument.
...Yeah. Exactly. At any rate, Tahu had decided to use their arguing to his advantage. The minute the argument turned into a cartoony fight between all of the Exo-Toa, Tahu would shout a third suggestion, "Unikutavermase." Then, when all of the Exo-Toa turned to fight him, he would slip out of the brawl and let them beat each other up while he and the rest of his team escaped in the ensuing chaos. Before he was able to put his plan into motion, however, the ground grew another mouth, only this time it swallowed the Exo-Toa instead!
"Weird. Why did Makuta swallow his own workers?" asked Lariska.
"Because that wasn't Makuta!" exclaimed Tahu with a . "Look!"
They peered into the newly opened mouth in the ground, and with a shout of "OM NOM NOM!" a figure leaped out of the hole. That figure was Onua. "Hey, Tahu!" Onua said. "I was just stopping by to demand why my name didn't pop up when you were thinking about the other Toa Nuva a bunch of paragraphs ago!"
"Umm..." Tahu stammered. "Uh, er, umm...good timing on saving us from those arguing Exo-Toa!" he said, changing the subject. "So now what? We were thinking about finding that cache of random junk to the south before the Exo-Toa showed up and started arguing. Want to come with us? That way, there will still be six of us. Guardian got eaten."
Onua shook his head. "Don't bother. The Rahkshi of Letter Control showed up and changed the cache of junk to a cafe of stunk. So unless you want to find stuff that smells horrible, there's no point."
"Great, so, then what?" asked Lariska. "There are more Exo-Toa and Rahkshi where those came from."
"Onu-Matoran!" said Onua.
" " emoticonned the rest of the group.
Onua shrugged. "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just saying random words. Muaka! Thornax! Pickle! Flashcards! Dinosaur! Rahaga! Slippers! Croutons!"
"That's it!" crowed Tahu. "All we have to do is find an Onu-Matoran, and have him ride a Muaka with its mouth stuffed full of Thornaxes! Then, we lure all of the Rahkshi and Exo-Toa to the spot with pickle-flavored flashcards, their favorite food, and when they get there, a dinosaur wearing Rahaga slippers shows up and throws croutons at them! Awesome plan, Onua!"
"Nah, I've got a better idea," Krahka, who had been ignored this entire time until now, said.
"But I liked my plan! It was random and hilarious!" protested Tahu.
"Don't worry. My plan involves lots of explosions."
"Oh, okay then, let's go, what are we waiting for!?"
Lewa's mission was confusing and made absolutely no sense. He was supposed to find Artakha and tell him to pour a coconut smoothie onto every Rahi on his island, which would somehow cause every Exo-Toa everywhere to spontaneously combust. Of course, it was Velika who had given him the mission, so that probably explained a lot. Even so, Lewa was now here on the island of Artakha to do that weird mission that Velika wanted him to do, but it seemed he was too late. Rahkshi were advancing on Artakha's fortress, far too many Rahkshi for Lewa to fight off on his own. He needed help.
No, you don't need help, I'm fine, said Artakha in a cool italic font.
"Hey, that's awesome-cool! I want an italic text-font too!"
Sorry, I have italic font copyrighted. And Keetongu was taken prisoner by Makuta, so he can't get mad at me since he copyrighted copyrighting.
"Aww, you super-powerful beings have all the fun-enjoyment!"
Stop complaining, at least you got four different set versions of you released. I didn't even get one.
"Well, that is true-correct, I like my set versions! But what should we do instead?"
I know someone else who can help you. And he also has a cool font feature on his text.
"How do I get there? I don't even know where he is-located!"
By the power of random comedy warp portals.
"What do you intend-mean?" asked Lewa, before a comedy warp portal appeared out of nowhere and sucked him in. "Hey, what just happened-occurred?"
Lewa looked around. He was now facing a blank stone wall, which was fairly boring to look at. Behind him, he could feel something watching him, and he really didn't want to know what it was. Turn, said a voice in his head, with bold font this time.
"Oh, come on! You get a cool-awesome font too!?"
Yes, I do, because I am awesome. My name is Cthul--oops, I mean Tren Krom. And you have reached the end.
"The end of what?"
The end of your comedy. The end of this entire comedy. For this must be a single-post entry, and Lewa0111 is getting tired.
"I'm puzzled-confused...what are you talking-speaking about?"
The comedy is about to end. Like this:
And because I am Tren Krom, I am awesome enough to talk after the end of the comedy. Ha, ha!