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[Toa of Dancing]

Well, then, with the new forums comes back this lovely (or something like that) comedy. Thus, I'll repost the existing chapters, one a day (if I remember). Also, I am not accepting anymore Guest Stars. Sorry, but I have enough.

Thus, without further ado:

Fight 1: Introduction

Tahu jumped up and of the way of the wind blade, coming down with a slash of his fire-sword. Matau went launching off the stage, leaving a smoking trail behind him. Karzahni shot a mental beam at the Toa of fire, but he shield-dodged and launched the insane ruler up and almost offstage. But on the way down, Karzahni grabbed a smash ball and activated it. Rainbows, ponies, and flowers shot everywhere, launching Tahu off-stage and severely damaging the newly-respawned Matau, who had come off his floating platform seconds before. Karzahni proceeded to grab Matau and then project a picture of him, only pink. The nightmare caused the Toa to launch himself offstage.

"GAME!" came the deep voice of Worf.

"Worf? My name is Mata-Nui," said Michael Dorn.

"Michael Dorn? It's Mata-Nui!" he said again.

"Anyways," he continued, "welcome to Super Smash Bros. Bionicle! It's a comedy based on mixing Bionicle and the popular series of Super Smash Bros. games. Here's the history of the games: It all started when-"

"Shut up!" yelled a white and green Toa carrying spears with flags. "My name is Toa of Dancing, I'm the author of this comed- I mean, game. And I'm a fighter. And I'm on a very low budget. So expect cheesy effects and the worst gameplay, movesets, character roster, and puns ever. And now that I've got that off my breastplate... PLEASE! PLEASE READ THIS! PLEEEEEEEEEASE! !!!"

As ToD sat there crying, Worf-

"Mata-Nui!"

..."Mata-Nui" walked up, dropped a tissue box and walked toward an angry mob. They all stopped fighting as he walked up and smiled at the camera... er... keyboard... er... yeah...

"These are the fighters! We have a few open spots due to ToD begging for guest stars, but this is who we have: ToD, Karzahni, Artahka, Tahu Stars, Matau, Gali, Pohatu, Onua, Kopaka, Turaga Nuju, Lewa with adaptive armor, Pridak, a cookie, Mario, Luigi, Link, Ganondorf, Zelda, Rahkshi Stars- Hey, wait, Bionicle characters only!"

"Scree scraw screw!" yelled the Rahkshi.

"I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to them."

"You're from Star Trek," Ganondorf replied gruffly.

"I'm Mata-Nui! Get out!"

"No," came the simple, unanimous reply from the characters.

"Fine, whatever. But no one else! Anyways, Gresh Stars, Takanuva Stars, Nektann Stars, Tahnok-"

"Hey!"

"What?"

"You missed me, Skrall Stars!"

"No, you aren't a character because you have a long neck. Now go away. As I was saying... Ah yes, Makuta of Metru-Nui, Turaga Dume, Axonn, Brutaka, Antroz, Tanma, and... oh yeah, me!"

By now, ToD had quit bawling and threw the last tissue box he used onto the pile of OVAR NINE THOUSAND! ! ! Then, he walked toward the characters, slipped on a banana peel, fell face first into a magical giant appearing pie, ate the cheese filling, yelled "al yur bas r blng two us" and belched loudly while throwing random rubber chickens everywhere. And now that all the overused gags had been used, he turned toward the camera... er... computer... er... keyboard... And smiled and huge, cheesy smile.

"Bye everyone! And remember, PLEASE LAUGH AND WANT TO BE A GUEST STAR! PLEEEEEEEASE!"

Out of nowhere, a ghostly specter appeared and scribbled out the last line. “This is future ToD. Sorry, but no more guest stars. Anywho, bye bye!”

Edited by Toa of Dancing, Oct 14 2011 - 04:48 PM.

[Toa of Dancing]

Fight 2: Inferna Firesword has Joined the... uh... Fight...

Mata-Nui activated his final smash, instantly growing into a small version of his giant form, looking oddly like jigglypuff. He succeeded in launching Gresh and Matau off, eliminating the former, but missed Ganondorf. Awesome green dude taunted and then ran forward, doing his flying-purple-fire-kick-of-DOOM to launch Mata-Nui off.

Matau, after jumping off his floating platform, slashed Ganondorf with his buzzsaw. He ran away, grabbed a Madu Cabolo, and threw it. Mata-Nui happened to drop down in between the other two and get hit by the explosive fruit, sending him on a trip to the sky. But, since he had no damage before that, he recovered and roundhouse-kicked Matau in the face.

Ganondorf grabbed a party ball and threw it down, activating it. The balloon-like object floated up and then split open, dropping food around him. Eating the cheese, pie, and soda, he then ran over behind Matau and warlock-punched him off the stage. Mata-Nui tried to slam his Click into him, but he dodged and tried the punch. But the toa-like Mask of Life created guy spun around and gave an uppercut to his foe. His own voice echoed through the stage, announcing that he won. He stood on the podium, smiling.

But then the area went black. Everything else disappeared. A shining silhouette appeared in front of Mata-Nui. Shiny text stated “Challenger Approaching.” And then he landed in the middle of the Mangai Volcano on one of many simple platforms of rocks. On one of the platforms stood a green toa with fire tattooed all over her armor. She held a ridiculously oversize sword in one hand and a... MP3 player in the other. Mata-Nui raised an eyebrow.

The Toa turned and put the MP3 player into her pocket. Still listening to the music, which happened to be both Lhikan Park and loud enough for Mata-Nui to hear, she took a battle-ready stance. Mata-Nui shrugged, got ready and yelled “Three! Two! One! GO!” She didn’t seem to hear, so Mata-Nui threw big glowing text in her face that said those words. She yawned, and then leapt from her platform to the next with ease.

Mata-Nui smiled and jumped above her as she jumped at him, trying to spike her into the lava. But he was met by an upward slash that didn’t kill him by the magic of smash games. But he did sprawl onto a nearby platform and rolled out of the way just in time to dodge a one-handed slash from the ridiculously large sword. Seriously people, GIANT EVERYTHING DOES NOT MAKE IT FUNNIER!

Anyways, Mata-Nui yelled “PIE!” and pointed behind the toa. She didn’t hear him and pounded him through the platform with the flat of her blade. But he quickly recovered and did a back-flipping kick into her as she came down. She changed her music to very soft, lullaby music for a few seconds and put him to sleep. Then she grabbed a floating smash ball as he was waking up and jumped toward him.

“Oh snap.”

She pulled out a giant pair of loudspeakers from nowhere, hooked them up to her MP3 player, and blasted her loudest song on max volume. This blew out the speakers in about ten seconds, but the sound waves launched Mata-Nui offstage. His recorded voice shouted “GAME!” and then zoomed to the Toa, who was suddenly in a white void.

“Inferna Firesword, the music-obsessed BZPer toa, has joined the... uh... fighting!” I - er - ToD said.

“Hey!” her voice echoed as she, amazingly, turned her MP3 player off. “I won! Therefore, someone has to win another match and challenge me again!”

“Well, that’s how it usually works, but I’m a sucker. So you get thrown in anyways. Haha. I win... Uh, why are you suddenly glowing? And where did you get those speakers? And why are you grinning innocently at me while turning the volume to max? And-” the rest was cut off by a very loud noise and then utter silence.

ToD lay on the ground, twitching, not in the void anymore but in the giant cardboard box serving as the office used in making this cheap comedy.

“G-game!” he tried to yell, but failed and only managed to whisper.

So yeah. Arguing with myself. And I’m not even supposed to be able to do that. And... wait... dang it. This paragraph never happened. Author Powers!

*cheap swooshing noise from tape recorder*

Meh...

Inferna stood there smiling innocently with her earbuds back in and blasting music into her brain. “See you next time!” she said, pulling out a large dustpan and broom. She swept up ToD and dumped him in his chair.

“B-bye...”


••••••••••


Not really expecting any replies until I get to the new chapters, but feel free to comment.

[Toa of Dancing]

Fight 3: PGS Introductions Two Times in a Row?

ToD and Inferna were going at it. One shield-dodged, the other jumped, one slashed, the other kicked. Fernie’ listed to her music, ToD danced around to the beat. He finally got a good stab in on her and followed it up by jumping and spiking her downward offstage. But she came back a few seconds later and did a two-handed slash, which meant it was gonna be powerful. The white and green Toa went flying away, screaming all the way.

ToD came down from the platform whipping at the other toa with his flags, but she dodged and shot a fireball at him. He dodged and then did a square-dance taunt. Inferna almost got a hit in on him but he did a quick slash with the end of the spear right after he finished. She grabbed a piece of the golden armor and dashed for another one. ToD just managed to grab it before her. In the process, though, she pounded him into the ground with the flat of her blade. She grabbed the piece of golden armor and flashed eye-searingly bright. She set her target right on ToD, who was trying frantically to get out.

He again went flying. There were thirty seconds on the clock and Inferna was leading. ToD came down and grabbed a smash ball just before his opponent did. He activated it with her right beside him. He grabbed her hands and waltzed for a few seconds, then threw her offstage. Since the damage ratio was set to 2.0, it was an instant KO. And the scores were tied.

Twenty seconds. Inferna, being a slightly slower character, got only a few hits in while ToD battered her with lightning-quick strikes. Then, five seconds from the end, he grabbed a golden hammer. Four seconds and he was approaching. Mata-Nui’s recorded voice bellowed out the number three as the head of the hammer came into contact with the fire Toa’s head. At two seconds she was flying off. The explosion announcing a KO began at one. And then “GAME” echoed through the studio. He had got a last-second KO. He won.

As he celebrated on the podium, the screen went black much like it had before with Mata-Nui. The same old text appeared as before, along with the silhouette. But, of course, it was a silhouette of a different character.

“Seriously, how do we afford this if we can only live in a cardboard box?” interrupted Inferna from somewhere else in the studio. “I mean, come on. If you cut down on the cost of making the comed - uh, game - we could at least live somewhere decent.”

“Hey, I call the shots here. Ridiculous cheesiness and a high-budget on a low-budget is my idea. Yes, I know that made no sense. Anyways, I like cardboard. It’s nice and springy when you walked on it. And it lets me build a large enough, sturdy enough building to house all the characters and stages.”

“Sturdy? I bet this would get knocked down if a baby poked it.”

“Would not!”

At that moment, a baby waddled by the building and poked it. It collapsed into a heap.

“I didn’t mean the model ToD keeps out front! I mean the real building,” ‘Fernie mumbled. Immediately she shot ToD a thousand times over and then revived him to tell him not to call her ‘Fernie. And then she shot him again and revived him ‘cause he typed ‘Fern - I mean - that one nickname she hates.

And then she was gone and left him with the silhouette, which faded away and was replaced by a stage made up of thousands of colors and one large, constantly moving platform made of tons of crazy people running around. ToD got seasick as he stood there and went up and down. There was a smiling figure that looked like a huge, crazy form of Kirop and a smaller form beside him. It still resembled Kirop, but was yellow and different. Yeah.

The round started and the two Kirops charged. ToD tried to move but tripped and landed face first into the constantly moving mass. He got up and jumped away just in time not to get slashed by the smaller form. The larger one sent a boiling stream of water at ToD and got a direct hit, causing the Toa to howl in pain.

But he recovered and did a dancing dash that disoriented the two Kirops, giving ToD enough time to kick them with dancing awesomeness. But they recovered and jumped above him, the larger one dropping a Tridax pod. ToD dodged the pod itself but got hit by the shrapnel. The smaller guy tried to attack again, but the toa shield-dodged and stabbed the larger one.

And then the small Kirop grabbed a smash ball and automatically transferred it to the larger one, who summoned yet another Kirop-like being (only this one baby like). It started dancing and then the stage went black, with the words: “CENSORED FOR UNBEARABLE CUTENESS” spread across. It stayed like this for five seconds and then went back to normal, the mini-Kirop disappearing in a poof of smoke, and ToD’s damage raised 200%. The medium Kirop did a normal attack that almost KOed ToD but didn’t. The Toa picked up a baseball bat and homerun-hit the larger Kirop offstage. The words “GAME” appeared, along with Mata-Nui’s recorded voice.

“Yo self, you don’t have to point out that it’s recorded every time.”

Whatever. I’m real, you’re not. Anyways, the whole white void thing happened and announced that Chuck toa of craziness the Kirop Trio had joined the fighting.

ToD grinned and walked over, sitting down in his chair. A whoopee cushion deflated as Karzahni and the three Kirops rolled on the floor laughing. ToD pulled a lever and the obligatory pie for this chapter fell on them, muffling the laughter.

“Well, this turned out better than last time. Bye everyone!”

[Toa of Dancing]

Fight 4: And Yet Another...

Blah blah blah. There was pie. And cheese. And someone won the fight. And there was an intro to a character. And I just lost the game.

But no, seriously: the cookie attacked the rahkshi. The chocolate-chip burst of flavor threw the screaming son of Teridax off that stage. Takanuva launched a burst of light at the cookie, and proceeded to launch it offstage. He smiled and dodged a strike from the newly respawned rahkshi.

And then the cookie got the smash ball and summoned a giant chocolate chip that fell on Takanuva and sent him flying. “Player 3, defeated!” And then the cookie and the rahkshi duked it out. A stab, and chocolatey attack, a bite, a jigglypuff-like roll, and other attacks. And then the rahkshi got a good hit. He won.

Same ol’ same ol’.

Silhouette.

Glowing text.

New guy.

Whee.

“Stop it, self!” yelled ToD from nowhere.

Whatever. Anyways, it went to a stage with thousands of signs that had pictures of pie, cheese, and such. With an X through them. And big flashing text in the middle saying, “NO OVERUSED JOKES.”

The rahkshi raised an eyebrow... or whatever it had... and saw a male Toa of lightning. Weird. But whatever. He had a pie with an X over it tattooed onto his armor. He held a very, very, very, very shiny shield and a sword practically bathed in lightning. He had a slight smirk on his face. Almost a grim smile. A spark floated from his sword. There was total, complete, absolute, 100% silence.

And then Worf’s voice said the normal stuff. And a smash ball appeared almost instantly. And the toa got it. And he activated it. And a tornado of lightning swooped onto the stage. And it almost hit the Rahkshi. And it didn’t. And I’m not supposed to start a sentence with “and” even once. And I don’t care. Derp.

The rahkshi went mega-super-attack-mode on the new guy and beat him to a pulp. The new guy then beat the rahkshi to a pulp. Then the Rahkshi did. Then the new guy. And then the Rahkshi got the KO. Whee. Then a pie appeared and the new guy obliterated everything.

“Comander Phantom has joined!”

“One M?”

“Yeah.”

“Weird.”

“Short chapter. I guess it’s not the same with pie, cheese, and rubber chickens. I better stop before the new guy murders me. Bye guys!”

[Toa of Dancing]

Intermission 1: Turn it Off!

ToD walked out wearing a tuxedo. A huge grin was plastered on his face. Ripping said plaster off, he went over to a giant plush couch in the middle of a large room at the very top of the cardboard skyscraper. When he sat down, another figure came in from the other side of the room. Inferna walked to the beat of the song she was currently playing. She then sat down on the other side of the couch.

“Hi everyone!” ToD said, thankful that Inferna’s current song was at least relatively quiet. “This is the first Intermission! Every once in a while there will be one, and I’ll have a sit-down and a chit-chat with someone. Now then, today I will be interviewing Inferna Firesword!”

The camera... er... GAH I’LL JUST CALL IT THAT FROM NOW ON!

...Meh...

Anyways, the camera zoomed in on the green and red Toa, but she just kept bobbing her head to the beat.

“Inferna... Inferna! INFERNA!” Toa yelled with no results. He sighed and yelled at the top of his lungs, “’FERNIIIIIIIIE!”

The ensuing scene was censored for extreme violence. And now we go to a few hours later...

“Uh... Yeah... Sorry about that... I hate it when people call me that...” Inferna said, looking down at the floor with her earphones out but playing an apologetic song. She did a little nervous chuckle and sat back down, putting away her stash of Molotov cocktails, machine guns, grenades, and bloody knives.

ToD sat on the other end in a full body cast with a bunch of IVs running into it. “Uh... It’s okay. I just have to stay in this thing for a few years and keep these IVs in for a few months after that. I’ll live. Now then, the first question: Do you like music?”

She raised an eyebrow and glanced at her MP3 player and then at him. “Duh. Why do you think I carry this thing around?”

He shrugged and kept going, “Do you think six guest stars is too many?”

“No, just as long as you keep track and incorporate all of them evenly into the comedy,” she replied.

“Hmm... And you’re sure you’re not crazy?”

“I’m offended! I thought everyone knew I was crazy! I shun you!” she almost yelled while turning her back on ToD. She let out a little “harrumph” noise.

“Okay, okay, sorry. What genres of music do you like the most?”

“Everything but classical, county, and religious.”

ToD’s jaw flew out of the cast and onto the floor. “But... but... I love classical. And Christian music... SINNER!”

The following scene was censored like the one a few paragraphs ago...

Inferna is in a full-body cast. ToD grimaced while saying, “Er... uh... sorry... I just like to defend my religion and music. But since this can’t be discussed on BZP, I’ll use my author powers to erase this! AUTHOR POWERS!”

*cheap whooshing noise*

“Hey wait... the text is still there... Oh well, our casts are magically off. Anyways, will your wrath be proved even more than when I call you 'Fernie if your MP3 player is taken?”

Inferna pulls out pistol a shoots ToD again. But the author powers are still working, so the bullet hole disappears. “Take my MP3, and that bullet wound will look like a paper cut compared to what I'll do in revenge.”

“...Okay then... Have you ever murdered anyone?”


“Just in stories.”

“Hmm... and do you plan on doing it?

“Nope.”

“Are you sure?”

“...”

“Good! Well then, next question: What is your favorite type of ice cream?”


“This really awesome Coldstone Creamery sundae called the Birthday Cake Remix: cake batter ice cream, hot fudge, brownies, and the obligatory colored sprinkles. Yum...” she drooled at the thought of it.

“Okay then, why do you hate being called 'Fernie?”

“A BZP member named Zev called me that in a story he wrote once, and it's caught on to the point where it really irritates me to hear it. There's another reason why, but I'm not divulging it.”

“Ah. Well, would you prefer Kagha’s nickname for you, Fern? Or maybe, Pteridophyta?”

“Uh... Yeah... Though it’s a bit unwieldy...”

ToD smiled for the umpteenth time and said, “Well, thank you for coming in and answering questions for us Pteridophyta! ...Hmm, that is a bit unwieldy. Would you mind if I just said Ptefernie? Or maybe ‘Ferniephyte?”

“What? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you. I have these on. Speak louder!”

Not even thinking, ToD tore the MP3 player and the earbuds away from her and turned them off as he said, “I said thanks for com... ing... Aw dang it.”

The ensuing scene was censored three times over and erased from all video records thrice while being burned up in a raging inferno. It was that bad...

“B... b... bye... everyone...” ToD said in his wheelchair with a few hundred IVs and another full body cast. This was what was left after he had used his author powers.

Edited by Toa of Dischordant Dancing, Oct 18 2011 - 05:53 PM.

[Toa of Dancing]

Fight 5: The Mind of the Grave


Comander Phantom deflected Mario’s fireball back at him. He then followed it up with a lightning blast. Artahka came behind and landed a good, powerful blow to Phantom’s back, launching him out of the ballpark. Kopaka froze the creator of stuff and then sent him flying with a slash. Mario used this as an opportunity to grab a smash ball floating behind the toa and activate it. The Mario Finale carried Kopaka offstage.

There were three minutes left. Artahka jumped and then came down with all his weight and strength in his fists, which almost launched Comander Phantom offstage even though he formerly had zero damage. But the large biomechanical being wasn’t able to recover fast enough before Kopaka started spamming a really quick sword slash that racked up damage quick. Fortunately for him, Mario came up and gave a super jump punch to the Toa of ice, sending him up and out of the way. Artahka recovered and did a punch that was practically twice the power of a warlock punch. Well, it would have been if he was able to execute it. Comander Phantom hit him with an electrifying sword slash that sent Artahka flying offstage due to Kopaka’s earlier attacks.

Speaking of which, Kopaka came up and slashed the other toa. Mario joined in and hit one of them. And then he got hit. Kopaka slashed. Phantom sent a bolt of electricity. Mario kicked. Phantom slashed. Kopaka used a counterattack and sent the other toa halfway across the stage. Mario used his cape to deflect an ice bolt that in turn hit its owner. He was than electrocuted from behind. All three then converged together.

At that moment, Artahka grabbed a smash ball and came down right beside them. He activated it a suddenly became fast and as strong as he normally was. He punched all three at the same time. They went flying offstage.

Two minutes until the end. Artahka hit Mario with a flying kick. Kopaka kicked and slashed, but Comander Phantom shield-dodged. Artahka got launched off, but came back and slammed into the ground with enough force to KO the unsuspecting Comander Phantom. And then there was some uneventful fighting with no KOs for a bit.

At thirty seconds, a smash ball appeared. The combatants fought over it for about ten seconds, and then Kopaka grabbed it and made a giant ice spike come from the ground, much like the ice climbers’ final smash. At ten seconds he KOed Phantom. But no more KOs were made, so it ended with the scores of...

Mario: -4, Comander Phantom: -1, Kopaka: 2, Artahka: 3! As Artahka stood there cheering, the screen suddenly went to the normal silhouette for introductions. The “Challenger approaches!” text just sat there glowing, waiting to disappear so the stage could be revealed, along with whoever this new guy was.

And then everything became a dark, dreary stage that had gravestones jutting in each and every direction. At the end opposite Artahka stood an orange, silver, and red toa with a malicious grin. He stuck his hand out and waved toward himself, taunting Artahka to attack. He the flexed one arm and kissed the bicep. Seriously, ego problem much?

Anyways, Worf said go and they started fighting. It was quite rare for Artahka to get a hit in, seeing as the other guy was light and fast. But he could withstand a bunch of damage, and he inflicted it greatly when he did get the chance. The fight raged on until a smash ball appeared and the challenger grabbed it. He activated it, his eyes flashing. Artahka suddenly saw a giant cake just outside the stage’s borders. Hypnotized, he ran towards it. He was just about to jump out when the toa’s eyes flashed again and the cake disappeared from Artahka’s view. But now he was close to death.

Just as the challenger was about to land the finishing blow, he taunted first, giving Artahka enough time to shield-dodge behind him and landed a devastating kick that launched the toa offstage. “GAME!” echoed everywhere as normal.

And then it went to the white void with the challenger posing, as if in a taunt. “Larkdasha, the big-egoed guy who is not Gravemind, has joined!”

The area went to normal and Larkdasha dropped the pose and collapsed on the floor, crying. “How? How was I defeated? I’m too powerful to be defeated! HOW?!”

“Because you have a major ego problem. Now then, bye everyone! Oh wait, I forgot something... oh yeah. Hey Comander Phantom! Lark has a pie! Okay then. Now that there will be an unhappy new fighter and pie, I can officially say goodbye!”

Edited by Toa of Dischordant Dancing, Oct 25 2011 - 09:02 PM.