~A BZPRPG Side-Story~
I have been ... experiencing uneasy feelings these past few weeks. My formerly sharp mind has been clouded, and I cannot make sense of anything. It is disturbing, to possess such helplessness. I am unable to comprehend why I am so distracted, and none of my ... compatriots can either. This memoir has been written in the hopes that somebody may be able to assist me with dealing with my problem.
Exactly twenty-four days and five hours ago, I began to suffer from urges to cause the destruction of my surroundings, such as the headquarters. It is usual for one to report to a superior any problems one may face in the line of duty, so I did so, explaining my circumstances to my Squadron Leader. She recommended that I take some time off-duty, citing my, in her own words, 'workaholic tendencies' as a possible reason for my problems. I attempted to protest this, for it would reduce the number of active beings in the squadron available to deal with problems, but she turned it into an order, so I was grudgingly forced to obey.
It did not help in any way.
During the three days in which I took time off-duty, I was still plagued by the urges. No matter what I tried to do, they would still continue to pester me. My attempts to listen to the music of the Le-Matoran lead to the urges wanting me to kill everything in the vicinity. My interactions with an up-and-coming rookie were endlessly entwined with an urge to repeatedly stab and dismember the other guard. Even the simple task of travelling within the elevators of the village caused the urges to flare up, telling me to collapse the entire system.
I was close to breaking point, so I turned to a being I despised with every fibre of my being, yet was possibly one of the very few who could help me with my problem.
Toa Iegasa was the epitome of the perfect guardsman. He was polite, calm and rational, and was an incredibly competent fighter. He treated everyone he met with respect, so was considered the perfect choice to become the liaison between the Ta-Koro Guard and the Gukko Force. He was also very ruthless, lacking a sense of justice and capable of doing anything to get a criminal arrested, no matter how wrong his decisions were.
Yet I would require his deep understanding of a sapient being's psyche.
When I found him, he was slowly manipulating plasma around his hands, hoping to heat a cup of tea from a distance without evaporating the precious liquid or melting the cup. As I approached, he had looked up, ending his attempts in order to address me.
Oh how I hated that polite smile and those kind pink eyes. Oh how I despised how he could hide such ruthlessness behind that charming persona.
"Greetings, my friend," he had said that day, standing up to his full height to talk to me. "What brings you to my humble abode?"
It took all my willpower at that very moment in order to not assault him. Yet it would be a just thing to do; punching him, for it would at least allow the law to find even the tiniest measure of peace after everything he had done.
"I wish to acquire ... your services," I had replied, my tone clipped and tense.
As I uttered those words, he kindly gestured for me to take a seat, leaning back down into his own chair, pouring me a cup of tea as well. It would have been ... impolite to not accept his offers, and so I complied, allowing myself to follow his instructions and drink the tea he had poured. No matter how much I loathe to admit it, his tea was absolutely marvellous, its own flaw being the fact that Iegasa had been the one to make it.
"I suppose you have a very urgent problem then, to actually ask for my help," he remarked, as if reading my mind, leading to me opening my mouth in shock. "Oh don't give me that look. I know of your intense dislike of my methods and I. It is understandable though. Our mindsets clash strongly with each other."
He continued to sip his cup of tea for several silent seconds, before putting it down onto the small table. The expression on his face changed, now becoming somewhat more serious.
"Except, we are not actually that different at all. You and me, we are both very similar to each other, don't you think?"
If I had not required his help, or if I had not followed the Toa Code religiously, I would have killed him at that very moment, no matter the consequences.
"Iegasa," I said, barely managing to stop myself from growling out the words. "I have not come here to engage in petty conversation. My mind is clouded, I cannot make sense of anything, and I am getting urges that go against my very nature!"
I had stood up, knocking my cup of tea off the table, ignoring the mug shattering upon impact and the splashing of the liquid. Rage had overcome my logical mind, a sign of my problems, and I was close to leaving and finding someone else to help me.
"My dear friend," said Iegasa quietly, his expression unidentifiable. "I apologise for any inconveniences I have caused you, but please, calm down and let us discuss in a gentlemanly fashion, without any rude interruptions."
The rage cleared as I grudgingly agreed with him, slowly sitting down once more. I was embarrassed to have been affected by such anger. It seemed as if my problems were greater than I had previously believed. Very rarely had I ever flown into such a rage, and it usually took much more to actually cause me to do so.
"Now, I have three theories for your current behaviour and problems," he said, holding up his hand in what others would label 'The Iegasa Exposition Pose'. "Firstly, you may be stressed from all the work you have been doing. Excellent job by the way, but you should not place more importance on your work than on your own mental wellbeing."
I was sorely tempted to try and punch him when he mentioned my workaholic tendencies. I could handle references to it from my compatriots in the squadron, but having an outsider do so was incredibly irritating.
Ignoring my glares, he continued to speak, telling me of his other theories.
"Secondly, it could be that you have been exposed to some rather stressful situations recently."
At that time, I had remembered that there had been several controversial and stress-inducing incidents that had occurred only a week prior to my talk with Iegasa. His mention of how I may have been affected by them was logical, and I immediately began to consider them the source of my problem, and I would have reluctantly thanked him for his time and left, but then he uttered his third theory.
"For my final theory, it is possible that you possess sub-conscious desires to bring destruction, death and despair to the world at large."
It was at this point when I began to laugh, no matter how irrational it was.
"That is an absolutely ridiculous theory!" I had shouted. "You are delusional! I am an ally of justice, a bringer of law and order! There is no way that I would ever want to bring such chaos to this island!"
"Oh you shouldn't be so sure of that," he had whispered, a ghost of a smile present on his face. "Remember, we are not so different."
I had ignored his words, deeming him useless, and promptly stalked out of his hut, angrily heading back towards the Gukko Force headquarters to resume my work once more. It seemed as if spending some time off-duty had worsened my problems, and the visit to Iegasa had strained my patience beyond all measure. I was in a terrible mood that day, and my mood would not improve for the rest of the week.
It was ten days after my meeting with Iegasa when I had much of my faith in justice and the law shattered into millions of fragments. I had already knew that every Guard on the island had its own secrets, its own dark side, its own injustice. Iegasa was an example of that dark side. Yet I had not expected to truly experience it in my lifetime, and I definitely not expected a glimpse into the darkness while I was already affected by my clouded mind and problems.
My squadron leader had asked me to supervise the questioning of a certain infamous criminal, due to my recent assignment to the Interrogation department a few weeks back. It was to be my first time in charge of a questioning, and despite my clouded mind and less self-control, I was confident that I would be able to handle it with ease. Nothing would be able to get in my way, and I would be able to allow justice to be done for the victims of the criminal.
Oh how wrong I was.
It was not a questioning, but a mere excuse for my fellow guards to take out their frustrations on the prisoner. He would be beaten over and over again, yet never to the point of unconsciousness, the others wanting him to feel all the pain they provided him with. They used so many implements in the torture; some that I could not even name. All I could do was watch them attack the criminal, my mouth wide open in shock as I took in the scene in front of me.
I could not react to the screams of the prisoner, who cried for them to stop. No matter how severe the crimes he had done, he did not deserve such torture. The law called for him to be tried in a court and given a sentence, not beaten repeatedly during what was supposed to be a simple interrogation. Yet they did not stop, and I continued to watch, failing to raise a hand to stop the madness.
When they had gotten bored of attacking him, my fellow guards killed the prisoner, which would have been a great relief to him. They soon left to report to our superiors, and I was told to repeat their excuse: the prisoner had attempted to escape, and lethal force was required to stop him.
There was no way for me to disagree, a member of the questioning team managing to outrank me. I could only keep quiet and nod.
I never spoke of this experience to anyone, having lost absolute faith in the guard. I knew there were still those who were paragons of virtue, keeping law and order around the village, but they would probably be a minority, with such corruption present. My mental state had begun to worsen even more after that event, and several other stressful incidents did not help in any way whatsoever.
The urges kept coming. They told me to ruin everything, kill everyone, destroy all.
As I write at this very moment, the urges continue to plague me. I cannot escape from them, so I must try and endure for as long as I can. I have made a decision to retire in a week or so, and I have voiced these thoughts to my squadron leader. She is sad to see me go, but she is understanding, knowing that I am rather stressed. I hope that my replacement will be as efficient as I am, and I wish luck to my squadron in the future.
Yet my superiors have given me one last mission before I retire in a week's time. I have been sent once more to supervise another interrogation. I dearly hope that this one will go peacefully, for I wish to do justice one more time before I leave the guard forever. I am already at my breaking point, so it would be difficult if the questioning is similar to my prior one.
For now, I shall end this memoir, and head over to headquarters to being the interrogation.
Six hours after the completion of this piece of writing, Flight Lieutenant Darylhii, without any prior warning, attacked the other eight guards present at the questioning. One was immediately knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, while two others had their limbs dismembered. The remaining five managed to put up a fight, one calling for aid, which, due to the shortage of available guards, arrived in the form of a single being, Private Naona, Darylhii's protege.
Yet the guards were unable to put up much of a fight against Darylhii, three ending up stabbed repeatedly, while another was killed when the Lieutenant cracked open his skull. Private Naona along with the remaining interrogator managed to fend him off for several minutes, before he quickly fled, able to impale the Toa of Stone to a wall in a process.
The only being at the scene able to move decided to call for medical support, but five more had already died from blood loss. The first interrogator to be taken out managed to recover quickly, only suffering from a minor concussion, but Private Naona was forced to undergo intensive surgery for two months after the event.
Addendum: Three days after the event, Captain Iegasa left Le-Koro for Ta-Koro once more, where he suddenly decided to retire. He refuses to comment on his decision.