The story was written 2 years ago in 2010 and was originally suggested to BZPower back then as well, but I discontinued it after the first chapter and continued to write it elsewhere. As such, while I have gone and updated parts of the story, there are still some old, dated jokes and references that remain. Also, for those who are familiar with me from 2006-2010, don't worry, she won't be in the story as much. Those days are over for me now. However, she still does play a part in the story. Anyways, onto the first, slightly modified chapter.
In the land of Metru Nui, the people speak about a legend... A legened about a crazy Toa of Air with a sword and fairy who saved Metru Nui. Together, they faced many hardships, like Vahki guards, a creepy talking bird, a burnt yelling guy, and so on. They traveled a great distance from the city to the desert and back. After defeating a great evil, they were seperated as the fairy could no longer take the lunacy of the Toa. This left him confused and wanting to find her.
Now in search of his lost friend, the legend continues...
Bionicle: The Moron's Mask
*It had been about 6 months after Toa Lewa triumphed over the evil Antroz, rescuing Nokama and saving Metru Nui... or so he thought, anyway. He and Nokama uneasily became friends and she helped him get ready for his search for Navi, very eager to get him out. She enlisted the help of some of her best knights... one of which had a dark secret that no one would ever know for a long time.*
Lewa: What're ya going to do?
Tahu: I don't know why I have to listen to Gali.
Lewa: Her name is Nokama.
Tahu: Whatever. "You have to go get him out, he's going on a journey!" I tell you. I got most of your stuff. I got that shield of yours that oddly looks like it belongs to the hard-working Iruini. I also got your skyblaster and your bow and arrows and bombs and stuff like that. And I kept your Air Sabre for you, so you're all set up.
Lewa: Thank you, fellow hero! Now I'm off to search-find Navi!
Tahu: I don't know what a Navi is, but okay, I guess whatever makes you happy. I'm going to go home now and wonder about why it never snows in San Francisco.
*Because he never got Epona in this timeline, Lewa was walking through the tangled mess that was the chute system of Metru Nui. As he walked on, he was suddenly tripped by a strange figure who looked like a mere puppet. As he closed in on Lewa, it was seen that he was wearing some sort of evil, immoral mask, like one only a Makuta would wear. Even then, this was a mask even the Brotherhood of Makuta considered to be evil and dangerous for them due to the legends and experiences that surrounded it. When the evil masked puppet spoke, his voice sounded like it came from the throat of someone who enjoyed pain...*
Remote 2.0, Dr. Claw voice: Heh heh heh heh... I'm so evil, evil is so fun. And what is this?
*Accompanied by two fairies, the evil puppet went to inspect the body of the unconscious Toa.*
Remote 2.0: Oh, look, a dead body. *He kicked Lewa over on his side and inspected him.* Now time to rob him and leave him in a stupid pose. Heh heh heh... Oh, look, and ocarina.
*The puppet took the ocarina and plays a few notes.*
Tael: Dang, man, we got the jackpot! Let me see.
Remote 2.0: Okay, have it your way.
Tatl: Wait, this isn't Burger King!
Remote: 2.0: Who said anything about Burger King? Heh heh heh!
Lewa, getting up: Oh, man, I hurt my head... *The Toa looked over and saw the strange freak playing his ocarina.* Hey you. Who are you?
Remote 2.0, hiding ocarina: That is none of your concern. Now go back to being dead like a good little boy.
Remote 2.0: That wasn't a request, that was an order. Now let me go go about my business in peace.
Lewa: But that's my ocarina! Give it back.
Remote 2.0: How about I make you a trade... I keep your ocarina and you... fall down this hole!!
Lewa: That's not a fair-trade!
Remote 2.0: It is to me...
*The robot kicks Lewa down into a rabbit hole and his mind is seduced with subliminal messages, mostly concerning buying Oxyclean and Orange-Glo. Finally, he landed on top of a large flower. Ae he got up, he stood face-to-face with the evil thief, who held a remote in has hands like it was some weapon.*
Lewa: Good thing this flower was here, that long-fall could have been serious.
Remote 2.0: Indeed...
Lewa: Oh, it's you. Give me my ocarina!
Remote 2.0: No. I think I'll just keep it for myself. I'll pawn it off for some money or something.
Lewa: Look-see... You don't want to get on my bad side... I'm the Hero of Time! I defeated Antroz and I saved the princess!
Remote 2.0: Oh, please, that doesn't frighten me. Unlike Antroz, I am actually evil.
Lewa: Oh, like that's going to scare me?
Remote 2.0: I cancelled and closed most of ShadowBionics' BZPower comedies!
Lewa: Monster! Now I'm really going to kill-handle you!
Remote 2.0: I think not. You see, this remote gives me some incredible power. This mask contains great and powerful dark magic as well. In fact, all I have to do is utter the cursed words, and you will be completely powerless.
Lewa: What cursed words?
Remote 2.0: Burning Deoderant!
*At that moment, a violent sensation overcame Lewa's body, and he fell to the ground. Then in his mind, he found himself surrounded by many Deku Scrubs, all laughing at him.*
*In Lewa's mind*
Deku Scrubs, chanitng: One of us! One of us! One of us! One of us! One of us!
Lewa: Get away from me! *The Toa ran for his life, forgetting that he could fly, from the Deku Scrubs, who just multiplied and overcame him in a giant mosh.*
Deku Scrubs, chanting louder: One of us! One of us! One of us! One of us!
*Lewa snapped out of his vision and when he looked in the reflection and saw who he was (lol, Christina Aguilera reference), he got the surprise of his life.*
Lewa: Mata Nui's pointy shoulders...! You turned me into a plant thing!
*Indeed he was, but more specifically he was actually more of a Deku scrub with that wooden body and that long trumpet-like nose. We all know he's a Deku Scrub, but he doesn't seem to realize that quite yet. Not until it kind of hits him later on, but what am I saying, really? Let's all go back and enjoy the story.*
Remote 2.0, demonic laughter: Now you'll never be as cool as me with that silly appearance! *As the weirdo-turned-dark lord floated away with Tael, Tatl stayed along to start beating up on poor Lewa.*
Tael: Darn it, hurry up over there!
*Before Tatl could stop beating him up, the door closed between the two fairy siblings. Tatl flew to the door, trying to open it, but her body was too small and frail to do so. She then went back to Lewa.*
Tatl: Hey, you!
Lewa: All right! I finally found you, Navi!
Tatl: Uh... what's a Navi? Some sort of yogurt?
Lewa: That's your name... You. Don't you remember?
Tatl: If I was this Navi friend of yours, would I have jsut beaten you up a minute ago?
Lewa: Yeah. You did that a lot to me, especially when I was in the middle of something, if you were trying to stop me from doing something, you wanted me to do something, or if you were bored.
Tatl: Listen you wooden freak, I'm not this Navi! I'm Tatl, and I need you to help me catch up with Remote and my brother Tael.
Lewa: Oh, Navi, you're so crazy.
Lewa: You think your name's Tatl?
Tatl: I don't think, I KNOW it is.
Lewa: And your brother's name is Tael?
Lewa: If you put those together, you get--
Tatl: Yes, I know that...
Lewa: Tael-Tatl. *stupid laugh.*
Tatl, groans: Something tells me this is going to be a really long day...
*So the fairy and her new grass-Toa companion set off through the underwoods... lolz, Underwood. Like Carrie. Underwood. Okay, I'll shut up now.*
Tatl: Come on, Lewa, I see a door up ahead!
Lewa: Great! Now I can kill-handle that Remote guy for turning me into a grass Pokemon!
*As Lewa opens the door and steps inside, they go into what looks like a creepy clockwork tower.*
Tatl: I've wanted to ask you about that. You changed species, but your voice sounds the same. Sounds like lazy writing on behalf of the writer.
Happy Mask Saleman, Scottish accent: Aye. That is a lazy bit of writing indeed.
Lewa: What the Makuta?! Who are you?!
Happy Mask Salesman: Oh, me? I be the Happy Mask Salesman. I sell happy masks. I also sell EVIL MASKS! Masks from the darkest depths of Karzahni! The kinds of masks that could enslave all Matoran kind and demand massive sacrifices and then watch Finding Nemo and laugh at the bit where his mum dies! But other than that, they're mostly happy. I've got an Al Pacino mask on may backpack, and that makes everyone happy.
*That's when the creepy salesman goes into his crazy instant-changing poses.*
Happy Mask Salesman: I was wondering if you could do me a favor. You see, I have to leave here in 3 days and one of my cursed masks got stolen by a weird Robot with targets painted on his cheeks and a messy blond wig.
Lewa: Robot with messy blond wig? I've seen that guy!
Happy Mask Salesman: Yes, him. I thought maybe you could get it back for me, you know?
Lewa: Sure, I guess.
Happy Mask Salesman: That's great. You know, people say if you carry a cursed mask for too long ,you go crazy. But I've been doing it for years, and I'm not crazy. *He then grabs Lewa and starts berattling him.* I mean, DO I LOOK CRAZY TO YOU?!
Lewa: Would you let me go?!
*The weirdo lets go of him and goes into another instantly-changing pose.*
Happy Mask Salesman: Not yet. First, I must teach you the Song of Healing...
Lewa; Oh... no... what's he gonig to do?!
*That's when the freak starts to get his groove on to the music of KC and the Sunshine Band. He puts his hands on his face and starts flailing his head.*
Music: Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake.
Happy Mask Salesman: Shake your whole self. Shake your whole self!
*He then makes a frowning face and starts bending back and forth a bunch of times.*
Music: Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake.
*Lewa and Tatl, scared out of their minds, take advantage of the moment and head for the doors.*
Happy Mask Salesman: Oh... he's gone now. But I'm sure the rest of you will stay here and listen to the rest of the song, right?
To be continued...
Happy Mask Salesman: Okay, fine, then you all can fall down a hole.
Edited by ShadowBionics, Jul 25 2012 - 10:53 PM.