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[MisterMatoro]

This is a comedy that I started to write back in April. I had only written two chapters, and was finishing up the third when the forums went offline. Now that the forums are back, I will resume writing it.

In this story, Toa Tahu is accidentally sent to Earth via a broken teleporting machine. There, he is pursued by a crazy ex-cop.

Prologue: The Terminator

Tahu woke with a start. A loud, unexpected noise had snatched him out of a pleasant dream and dropped him back into a not-so-pleasant reality. Tahu looked around the room. It was empty, for now. The same noise that he had heard moments ago was heard once again, only this time it was closer. The room shook, bits of plaster fell from the crumbling ceiling, and the light bulb flickered like a candle.

Tahu looked up at the light bulb. “I'm so careless!” He thought. “Why in Mata Nui's name did I turn that light bulb on? This house has been abandoned for years, and now somebody is coming to investigate the source of the light! What can I do?”

Tahu heard the noise once again. It was defiantly the sound of footsteps. Very heavy footsteps. They drew closer and closer. More plaster fell from the ceiling, and the light bulb continued to flicker on and off. Suddenly, the footsteps stopped.

“Somebody is right outside the door!” Tahu thought. If he hadn't been made out of plastic, he would have been sweating in fear.

Without warning, the door burst open, causing an extraordinarily large chunk of plaster to fall from the ceiling. It hit the floor and shattered, causing a mushroom cloud of dust to rise up into the air. Tahu started to cough uncontrollably. When the dust settled, he saw an ominous figure looming over him. It was a human clad in some kind of black body armor. Its face was obscured by a helmet and a balaclava.

The tall figure looked down at Tahu and laughed a cliché, evil-sounding laugh. “I've got you now!” It said, in a cliché, evil-sounding voice. It raised a cliché, evil-looking gun (which was undoubtedly loaded with cliché, evil-looking bullets).

Tahu wanted to run, but he couldn't. It seemed as if his plastic joints were suddenly frozen. Now he knew how the T-1000 must have felt, shortly before being blown to smithereens by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The human continued to laugh like a cheesy comic book villain. The laughter was so loud that the entire room seemed to tremble. Evidently it was also so annoying that the last remaining piece of ceiling plaster decided to commit suicide. It landed squarely and conveniently on his helmeted head. Apparently startled by the room's sudden retaliation, the human fired his gun several times. By chance, one bullet struck the light bulb. The light bulb took offense to being shot at, and responded by exploding in a fantastic shower of sparks, leaving the room shrouded in darkness.

Wasting no time, Tahu darted towards the door. “Hasta la vista, baby!” He yelled triumphantly as he exited the building and vanished into the night.

Edited by MisterMatoro, Oct 15 2011 - 07:50 PM.

[MT Zehvor]

I wonder if the bullets kill people in cliche, evil-looking fashion.

Good chapter. The writing style's epically epic at being epic.

-MT

[MisterMatoro]

Thanks for the feedback, MT. I kinda figured you'd be the first one to reply. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

Chapter 1: Tahu's Bad Day

Two months earlier...


It was a perfectly normal day in Ta-Koro. Such days were a rare occurrence, and many of the inhabitants had forgone their daily tasks in order to partake popular activities such as lava-surfing. Rumors were floating around that a Kohlii match was scheduled to take place in Po-Koro later in the day.

Toa Tahu sat at the foot of his Suva with his arms folded. Behind his mask, his eyes were darting back and forth and his mouth was twisted into an hostile frown. “Where is Jaller, the Captain of the Guard?” He wondered.

It was clear that Jaller was not at his post, as he should have been. This annoyed Tahu greatly. “I hope he hasn't gone lava-surfing like everybody else.” Tahu said aloud. “The Captain of the Guard, of all people, should know better than to forsake his duties.”

Tahu stood up and began to brush ash off of his Kanohi. Everything in the area was coated with a thick layer of the stuff. With no Matoran around to clean it, large piles of ash had started to accumulate on the Suva. This made Tahu even angrier than he already was. But his anger subsided momentarily when he saw Takua the Chronicler approaching with a broom in his hand.

As Takua began to sweep the ash away from the Suva, Tahu smiled. “Hello, Chronicler!” He said, cheerfully.

Takua jumped. “Mata-Nui!” He exclaimed. “First, all of the Matoran abandon their jobs, and now Toa Tahu is smiling! What is this world coming to?”
Tahu decided to ignore this comment. “Have you seen Jaller anywhere?”

Takua shook his head. “No, I haven't seen him since yesterday. He said he was going to Onu-Koro to meet with Nuparu, the inventor. I think he wanted to discuss a new method of travel.”

“Did he tell anybody else where he was going?”

“No.”

“Not even Turaga Vakama?”

“No, I guess not.”

Tahu's frown returned. “I'm going to Onu-Koro to find him.” He said. “And when I do, he's going to be in serious trouble.”


A while later, Tahu arrived at Nuparu's hut in Onu-Koro. He knocked on the door three times. There was no response. Impatiently, Tahu knocked again. He heard movement on the other side. A few moments later, Nuparu opened the door just wide enough for him to see who his visitor was. His eyes widened when he saw that it was a Toa.

“Toa Tahu? What brings you here?” The Matoran asked, shyly.

“I'm looking for Jaller.” Tahu replied, gruffly. He stepped into the hut (without asking), and looked around. The room was mostly empty, except for a large object with a piece of cloth draped over it. Tahu gestured towards it. “What is that?” He asked.

“It's my latest invention!” Nuparu exclaimed happily. He tugged on the piece of cloth, which fell to floor to reveal a large, silver ring of solid protodermis.

Tahu looked perplexed. “What does it do, exactly?”

“It's a teleporter.” Nuparu replied. “With the push of a button, I can activate a portal that can instantly transport you to any village on Mata-Nui! Isn't it great?”

“Well, I suppose so. Does it work?”

“Oh yes! It works, trust me. When Jaller came over here yesterday, he volunteered to try it out. He wanted to ensure that he arrived at the Kohlii match in Po-Koro on time.”

Tahu frowned again. “Had you tested this machine on anything else prior to letting him use it?”

“Well... n-no.” Nuparu replied after a long pause.

Tahu's frown became larger. “So you're telling me that you let my Captain of the Guard use a teleporting machine without even knowing that he would arrive safely at his destination?”

“Well... y-y-yes.”

Tahu gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. He was trying very hard to suppress the urge to punch Nuparu in the face. Nuparu, accordingly, was suppressing the urge to run. The temperature in the room seemed to increase along with Tahu's anger.

“This guy is crazy” Nuparu thought. “I've gotta get him out of here quickly, or else he's probably going to kill me.”

At that particular moment, a horn was blown in the distance. The noise reverberated throughout the village, and the ground started to shake. Tahu covered his ears (or rather, he placed his hands over the spot where his ears would've been if he actually had ears).

“T-that horn signals that Rahi are attacking the village.” Nuparu said, trembling. “I'm outta here.”

Before Tahu had a chance to stop him, Nuparu had pressed a button on a small control panel. Instantly, his teleporting machine sprang to life. It made a low, electrical buzzing noise that sounded like a Le-Matoran trying to play a vuvuzela. The color of the portal was light brown, supposedly indicating that it led to Po-Koro. With no further hesitation, Nuparu jumped in and vanished from sight.


Outside the hut, a great clamor could be heard. Something roared, there was a thunderous explosion, and a Matoran named Wilhelm shrieked in terror. Tahu's seemingly perpetual frown deepened once again. “This day keeps getting better and better.” He said, with no enthusiasm whatsoever. “I suppose I'd better go outside and help the Matoran.”

Tahu stepped out of the hut, and immediately came face to face with three Nui-Jaga. They began to crawl towards him, snarling and brandishing their large claws. Tahu started to walk backwards. “On second thought, I'm going to call for assistance.” He said aloud. On that note, he turned around and sprinted back into the hut. The portal was still open.

Tahu stared at the portal, pondering whether to use it or not. Traveling to Po-Koro would be a wise decision, since Pohatu had the most experience fighting this particular type of Rahi, and this machine would bring him there quickly. But on the other hand, Tahu still wasn't sure if the teleporter worked properly. For all he knew, Jaller and Nuparu could be trapped on a mystical plane inhabited by strange creatures twenty times their size. He repressed this thought. Nuparu was a smart guy, and it was unlikely that he would create such a blunder. Besides, time was of the essence.

Without wasting any more time, Tahu dove into the portal. He didn't notice the sparks flying from the control panel, and he didn't notice the tiny creature slithering away into the shadows. Tahu had no clue that his bad day was about to get a lot worse.

Edited by MisterMatoro, Oct 15 2011 - 07:56 PM.

[JL v2]

Oh yes! Its back!
I've been waiting for this thing for months.
Man, Tahu's gonna have a bad bad BAD day.