Jump to content

All That Glitters


Recommended Posts

All That Glitters

The dwelling I currently call home is dark, dank, and crawling with Stone Rats. This is not a place fit to house a Makuta. Once I was feared and respected, able to stroll through the great fortress of Destral. And now? I rest upon a stone slab inside dilapidated ruins neighbored by a lawless population in some bleak, icy corner of the universe. Even the rodents hesitate before scurrying away from me, rather than cower at my very presence like they ought to.

Despite my current predicament, I am not alone here. No, for I share these forgotten ruins with those that all would regard as monsters – the Zyglak. Those violent, ostracized creatures hide with me in the darkness and from the rest of the world.

It all began an exchange of friendship. To want that with a Zyglak that is utter insanity, on par with desiring to embrace a hungry Muaka. Yet most beings underestimate them, as they often have with me, and that gave me an advantage. They, like me, are outcasts – the only individuals that they are willing to associate themselves with. I’ve managed to find a colony of them in every dark corner while in my exile, and always left with more friends than I had the day before.

Legends knew my name as Makuta Spiriah – an enforcer of order and being of incredible power, working alongside his brothers and sisters to craft new life for the world. But in recent times, I am hardly that anymore, with no such company. In fact, I hear my very name now has become another word for failure. How very clever. Only now I understand all that glitters is not gold. Welcome to my story.

---

Early in our existence, my kindred’s main objective was to design and create Rahi. One of my first experiments was a creature outfitted with multiple legs to assist in climbing, and large, dagger-like teeth for shredding its meals set in its gaping maws. Though, perhaps most importantly, two heads that snarled at you if you came too close. 

After all, two heads are better than one, are they not? 

None of my fellow scientists cared for that advantage, however. Chirox especially, regarding my Rahi with disgust when he visited my lab one day.

“You call this a Rahi?” Chirox asked spitefully, jabbing at my work with his tool. It snapped its jaws angrily at him in response, though unfortunately did not come close to harming him. “It can’t even walk properly.”

“It is a work in progress,” I retorted. “Once I perfect its design, the beast will rival even a Doom Viper in ferocity.”

“Let me help you with that, then,” My fellow Makuta scoffed, snatching one of the Rahi’s legs as he did so, and then carried it off with him to the door. “After Mutran and I are finished, your creation will hopefully live up to your expectations.” The creature was still attempting to bite Chirox the entire time, albeit unsuccessfully.

I uttered a curse before returning to my notes, hoping that my Rahi would succeed in wounding Chirox with at least one of those heads.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to suffer such disrespect forever. When it was decided that our number would allocated across the universe to each land within it to oversee and protect its residents, I knew I could put greater plans to work in peace. I was assigned the island of Zakaz, home of the Skakdi… and the worthless, southern isle called Artidax, whose existence was known only to pirates, hopeless explorers, and scum crawling at the edges of the world. I rarely turned an eye to it, preferring the much more central location, whose land was flourishing with flora, fauna, and life with which begged for my personal touches.

From what I hear, Krika was assigned to preside over Zakaz in my place, now that I have gone. Speaking of whom… Never have I met a Makuta as unusual as Krika. It was just after Teridax’s takeover of the Brotherhood when he sentenced Miserix to death that I witnessed the depth of his true nature.

I remember that day well. Both Krika and I advanced on the former head of the Brotherhood, for we were fully aware of his preference to transform into large, ill-tempered lizards, and decided to exploit his shock and surprise. I seized one arm; Krika the other. Together, we dragged him from the Convocation Chamber into a corridor outside, planning to haul him down to a room below to fulfill the order.

There our combined wills overpowered his own, and the power of Sleep ensured he would not put up a fight. It was at Krika’s suggestion and I complied with this. Otherwise, we would have dealt with a struggle from Miserix, one that would no doubt leave quite a mess to clean up. Then we continued onward.

Not long after, however, Krika stopped abruptly. “I will take it from here,” he said, tugging the unconscious form from me, much to my surprise. The limp body of Miserix vibrated with magnetic energy and lifted into the air, then began slowly floating off before him as if carried on some invisible cart.

“What?” I responded in disbelief, but my fellow Makuta was already walking away with his captive. I stepped forward, sensing my colleague did not trust me to be up for the task. “We were both ordered to execute him. Do you think I cannot handle him as well?”

Krika paused then, facing me with a determined look in his eyes. “I will go on from here, alone,” he insisted sternly.

Without another word, he vanished into the darkness of the corridor with Miserix. And I stood there, bewildered by both his tone and staunch attitude.

However, not long afterwards certain behaviors caught my attention, such as the strange shift of Krika’s focus on other priorities, and the absence of Miserix’s Kanohi from the collection of masks nailed to the Convocation Chamber’s wall. It didn’t take me long to deduce the reason behind this. I wasted no time in confronting him, slipping into the chamber he occupied.

Striding over to Krika, I narrowed my eyes and began darkly, “You didn’t kill Miserix, did you, Krika? Care to explain, my friend?”

He turned, an expression fixed on his mask that stopped me short. It was also one that featured emotion I believed to be alien to him, and one I never expected a Makuta to display.

Mercy – a disgusting taste in my mouth to this day. Krika was fraught with it, I could see now. I always knew there was a reason I never could take a liking to him.

“What is the point of killing him when he is but a victim of jealousy and greed? What harm can he do now that all his brothers have turned their backs on him?” he answered, his voice tainted with pity.

Sneering at this, I raised a claw and dashed forward to apprehend Krika. He evaded my charge, however, and in one swift maneuver, he grasped my wrist and slammed me into the wall. Although I didn’t see it in my daze, I felt Krika’s hard glare focused on me and the poisonous spikes of his gauntlet stabbing at my throat.

“How rash,” he said coldly, pressing me hard against the wall. “I would have expected more consideration from you, Spiriah. And don’t think of trying that again.” I then sensed a jeering tone in his voice. “It was our mission; we’re in it together. If the others discover this, we both will suffer the consequences. Do you understand me?” 

I nodded hesitantly in agreement, earning a moment’s stare from Krika, before he too nodded and released me. 

“Good,” he said.

Miserix’s whereabouts did not remain a secret to me. From what I gathered, Krika had imprisoned the Makuta on Artidax. Of all places in the universe, the one with my name associated with it. I had to applaud him for that. Not only would no one, not even I, would ever go looking or traveling to that place – but if the fate of Miserix was ever discovered, I was now accountable as well. I tried to keep this thought out of my mind, though it was Krika voicing some ideas of his for defenses that constantly reminded me of his noble deed, and why I couldn’t betray him to the others.

I must say that his courage in disregarding Teridax’s command was admirable to a degree, although even today I wonder if there are any qualms in Krika’s mind about his decision. I never revealed this treason to the others, if only for fear of association and death at my brothers’ hands.

My desire to focus on other matters eventually came true, for in the time to come, that was easily achieved as I planned out my grandest experiment that would ensure me the praise of many.

---

All around me, the instruments of a Makuta were at work; viruses swirled within their containment vats. They stirred and whirled, molding a specimen’s essence to my wishes, actions that were reflected across the shimmering surface of a nearby pool of Energized Protodermis. 

Imagine the average being – small, weak, thinking that they will one day accomplish much – bestowed upon with powers out-measuring those that of a Toa, to which he will use to feed his ambitions of expanding what little power he might already have. Now picture this same being – and many others – whose successes were all thanks to me. 

The more I turned an eye at Zakaz’s inhabitants, the more appealing the idea of using them as soldiers became, with their fearsome appearances; powerful limbs; and clawed extremities. But not in their original state, of course, being devoid of any power or discipline for battle. They required… adjustments… to become proper servants of the Makuta. Perhaps the outcomes of some of my past experiments hadn’t been quite as I or others expected, but what I had planned for the future of the Skakdi race would best every resulting creature I had ever etched into existence. It would have brought me glory and honor among my brothers and sisters. The new Skakdi were to gaze up at their protector and bow to him for the gifts he had bestowed unto them as they claimed victory for the Brotherhood of Makuta.

It had taken years of research and a few visits to Destral to devise and manufacture the perfect concoction. And, of course, I required a fresh experimental subject for each new viral compound, which may have involved a select few who society wouldn’t miss at all. But at long last the toils in my lab had come to an end. The fruit of my labors was unleashed on Zakaz, spreading like darkness when night falls across the land.

How does one describe the evolution of new life to anyone less than a god? It is beyond understanding for someone other than a Makuta, even if brought down to layman’s terms. But before long, the viruses took root inside the Skakdi’s systems, initiating a memorable transformation for them.

Gratified, I reclined in my lair, monitoring the island-wide event through the shadows and recording notes. I remember the grin was tight across my mask, and I couldn’t help but savor every moment of it, to think that life was good.

Roughly a day and a half later, Zakaz was no longer the nation it once was. There is nothing so exhilarating for a scientist to see his work of this magnitude in action, except perhaps for an analysis of his results. 

Viewing the spectacle through shadowy windows was hardly satisfying, however. I had to see the details with my own eyes. Once the calculated timeline for the evolution was complete, I had sprouted myself a pair of wings and exited my lair. From above I noted the actions and changes to the Skakdi. Several were lying upon the ground and cradled themselves as if wounded, some babbled insanely, and others snarled and leered at each other as they passed by. 

Then I decided to take a closer look. Concealed with my powers, I observed a female Skakdi staring into a pool of clear water. Her flaring crimson eyes were the focal point of the shimmering reflection of her sickly green-colored form, which she appeared to be observing with interest. Without warning, a pair of red energy beams shot from them and struck the water’s surface, searing the air they touched and reducing the oasis to a crater.

More accidental and sudden outbursts of power confirmed the presence of the other abilities I worked so diligently on granting to them. These occurred during the little quarrels and skirmishes the Skakdi began having, leveling the landscape around them to barren earth.

The fighting and destruction is nothing, I had assured myself. Let them have their fun before the duties of war call for their full attention, and they truly lay waste to armies.

Collected results revealed that there were more changes to the Skakdi than I had predicted. During a telepathic investigation, I discovered that they were becoming mentally agitated. Shock was in the forefront of their minds, brought about by the unexpected events. But that had quickly subsided into greed, rage, belligerence… traits all essential for a formidable army. Their reactions to the to having real power, I suppose. But it was nothing compared to the success of my glorious experiment!

I remember regretting that I couldn’t yet amass the Skakdi into an army and proceed with training, for I planned to depart Zakaz for Destral very soon after, where I was to restock on resources for my lab. Such a large-scale experiment had cost me much of my supplies. However, I had no intention of leaving the Skakdi unguarded or unprotected in my absence; I had brought with me a unit of Visorak spiders from my last journey from Destral to watch over them and enforce order in the meantime. I intended to implement my goals upon my return. But when I did, it was to find my Visorak guards as mangled corpses, to see the Skakdi locked in a seemingly perpetual war that still rages today. Zakaz was indeed no longer the nation it once was, instead deteriorating from the constant warring of its natives. To the outside world, it was an utter mess.

I saw their potential. I gave them power. How did they return the favors? By embracing their barbaric nature and using it to sully my reputation, as well as their own. It was because of them I lost everything. 

The rest of Brotherhood failed to recognize my achievement and proclaimed me rogue, possibly out of jealousy, knowing that I had succeeded in my goal, one that rivaled the creation and formation of their Visorak legions.

The Brotherhood is easily the most powerful organization in the universe, leaving very few places out of its reach for a being to hide under their threat of death. Being a member of it once, however, meant that I knew its extent. A particular island came to mind – a dark land governed by harsh laws, whose civil war had torn it apart. The last place a refugee would take shelter in.

Unbeknownst to me at that time was that these ruined cities housed a population of monstrous Zyglak, who were isolating themselves out of hatred of everyone else in the universe. I found myself surrounded and outnumbered by the reptilian beasts, yet rather than panic (though I admit the number of blades pointed at me were a bit intimidating), I saw the benefits with a possible alliance with them. In addition, I would not allow myself, a Makuta, to be held captive or perish at the claws of incredibly savage, unwanted mistakes of the Great Beings.

“I am an outcast, shunned from society by the people of this universe,” I said, my voice my only effective tool against the arsenal of weapons pointed at me. “What I seek is vengeance, the broken bodies of my enemies beneath my boot. These are qualities that we share, that link us… Together, we could introduce to the world the wrath of those they so wrongly banish.”

As it turned out, they were quite willing to accept my proposal after understanding my predicament, as well as the opportunity before them. Seeing how a being like me could be thrown out like trash, and knowing the goal they desired to achieve was possible, they allowed me to walk amongst them unchallenged.

Ever since, I have occupied my disgraced existence with avoiding any contact with beings of the outside world, specifically Brotherhood agents or even Dark Hunters; and cursing the Skakdi and Brotherhood for this fate, knowing that I may never return to my former life.

Should the opportunity to purge Zakaz of the Skakdi race ever present itself to me, I will gladly accept it as revenge without hesitation. The Brotherhood, too, must one day know their mistake in casting me out. Little do they know that in the very shadows they claim dominance over, a legion stirs out of sight.

And how entertaining that will be to see: the Zyglak marching across lands, slaughtering every Matoran, Toa, and Turaga until their hunger is satisfied. Then they shall fill the vacancy, with me a hero amongst them, before turning their hatred and weapons toward my enemies. 

The Makuta will hear my name, see me standing above the carnage, and in their dying moments, they will understand what my name truly means.

Fear.

THE END

Edited by Magnus Greel
Format reconstructed after BZP glitch. -bones
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Um, this is would actually belong in the Short Stories forum, not here in Storyline and Theories. Sorry.
This is actually my entry for the Storyline & Theories Contest #7: Memoirs of the Dead. According to the rules:
2) Entries should be posted here in the Storyline & Theories forum division. They must each be their own topic with only one story post (others may then post reviews in that topic). Then an entry post in this topic should link to the story topic, following the entry form shown below. (After the contest non-winning entries will be moved to the Library as normal fan fiction but winning entries will remain here as canon story; all are revivable as with Library rules.)
It does indeed belong here in the Storyline & Theories forum. ;)
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: No inaccuracies or errors were found in your entry. Unless another judge or member finds a problem later, your entry is likely to go on to the polls.FTR, this was sent to me to proofread prior to posting. The couple issues I saw look resolved here, though I only skimmed the other parts this time. I looked up several other parts and they all appear to check out.Anywho, a great entry. :)

The Destiny of Bionicle (chronological retelling of Bionicle original series, 9 PDFs of 10 chapters each on Google Drive)Part 1 - Warring with Fate | Part 2 - Year of Change | Part 3 - The Exploration Trap | Part 4 - Rise of the Warlords | Part 5 - A Busy Matoran | Part 6 - The Dark Time | Part 7 - Proving Grounds | Part 8 - A Rude Awakening | Part 9 - The Battle of Giants

My Bionicle Fanfiction  (Google Drive folder, eventually planned to have PDFs of all of it)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: At least one inaccuracy or error has been found in your entry. After reading this judge post, you are authorized to edit your entry to fix these errors. After editing to fix these things, please post in the entry topic saying what you changed.

2) Did Spiriah know Krika was gonna imprison Miserix instead of execute him?
2) No
Source (archive link logout warning)I think editing the scene with Krika will fix this, and it wasn't really your fault, seeing as BS01 had it wrong as well.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: No inaccuracies or errors were found in your entry. Unless another judge or member finds a problem later, your entry is likely to go on to the polls.Everything seems to be all right.I enjoyed reading this. The way you depict Spiriah's thoughts, especially his bitterness and hate toward the Skakdi and the BoM, is great.The only thing I didn't get was the title.

632461607_Bannerdefinitivopiccolo.png.8e4bc632ba965c6eaef9247ce71df1d7.png
My collection of epics: The Sanctum of Writing

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: At least one inaccuracy or error has been found in your entry. After reading this judge post, you are authorized to edit your entry to fix these errors. After editing to fix these things, please post in the entry topic saying what you changed.
2) Did Spiriah know Krika was gonna imprison Miserix instead of execute him?
2) No
Source (archive link logout warning)I think editing the scene with Krika will fix this, and it wasn't really your fault, seeing as BS01 had it wrong as well.
Hm... Maybe it's just been misinterpreted. I think BS01 phrases it in the past tense, that he knows Krika did it, while this is in the future tense -- he didn't know, before it happened, that it was going to happen. Is it ever confirmed he never found out that it happened in the past?Assuming he did find out at some point, I think this could be easily rewritten to have Krika insist on going alone, Spiriah suspecting but not knowing, and later confronts him and the part about the threat of death could be moved there for Krika to convince him to keep his mouth shut.Yeah?

The Destiny of Bionicle (chronological retelling of Bionicle original series, 9 PDFs of 10 chapters each on Google Drive)Part 1 - Warring with Fate | Part 2 - Year of Change | Part 3 - The Exploration Trap | Part 4 - Rise of the Warlords | Part 5 - A Busy Matoran | Part 6 - The Dark Time | Part 7 - Proving Grounds | Part 8 - A Rude Awakening | Part 9 - The Battle of Giants

My Bionicle Fanfiction  (Google Drive folder, eventually planned to have PDFs of all of it)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: No inaccuracies or errors were found in your entry. Unless another judge or member finds a problem later, your entry is likely to go on to the polls.Everything seems to be all right.I enjoyed reading this. The way you depict Spiriah's thoughts, especially his bitterness and hate toward the Skakdi and the BoM, is great.The only thing I didn't get was the title.
Thank you! ^_^ I actually found it fun playing around with Spiriah's personality while writing this. :PAs for the title -- "all that glitters is not gold" means that something may seem or look precious when it actually isn't. This phrase suits the most detailed event in the story: the experiment on Zakaz with the Skakdi (and also Spiriah's Rahi experiment in the beginning as well, if you think about it). Spiriah regards his experiment with the Skakdi as grand and glorious, even years after he was shunned because of it, while everyone else treats it as a total failure. So, it appears to him precious, when really it is not at all. :)
This is a good entry. I like it. You have a good chance of winning. But then again, this is the only entry I have read. XP
I actually enjoyed that story!When the poll will begin I may vote for you.
I appreciate the compliments. They mean a lot. :)
The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: At least one inaccuracy or error has been found in your entry. After reading this judge post, you are authorized to edit your entry to fix these errors. After editing to fix these things, please post in the entry topic saying what you changed.
2) Did Spiriah know Krika was gonna imprison Miserix instead of execute him?
2) No
Source (archive link logout warning)I think editing the scene with Krika will fix this, and it wasn't really your fault, seeing as BS01 had it wrong as well.
Hm... Maybe it's just been misinterpreted. I think BS01 phrases it in the past tense, that he knows Krika did it, while this is in the future tense -- he didn't know, before it happened, that it was going to happen. Is it ever confirmed he never found out that it happened in the past?Assuming he did find out at some point, I think this could be easily rewritten to have Krika insist on going alone, Spiriah suspecting but not knowing, and later confronts him and the part about the threat of death could be moved there for Krika to convince him to keep his mouth shut.Yeah?
Hmm... This seems to contradict evidence from the storyline. In Federation of Fear for example, when asked by Brutaka about defenses while on Artidax, Spiriah claims that he knows only what Krika had sometimes mentioned about some of his ideas for them. Here it strongly implies that he knew about Miserix's status he entire time.So, should I keep it as is, or go with bonesiii's suggestion? Edited by Magnus Greel
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: At least one inaccuracy or error has been found in your entry. After reading this judge post, you are authorized to edit your entry to fix these errors. After editing to fix these things, please post in the entry topic saying what you changed.
2) Did Spiriah know Krika was gonna imprison Miserix instead of execute him?
2) No
Source (archive link logout warning)I think editing the scene with Krika will fix this, and it wasn't really your fault, seeing as BS01 had it wrong as well.
Hm... Maybe it's just been misinterpreted. I think BS01 phrases it in the past tense, that he knows Krika did it, while this is in the future tense -- he didn't know, before it happened, that it was going to happen. Is it ever confirmed he never found out that it happened in the past?Assuming he did find out at some point, I think this could be easily rewritten to have Krika insist on going alone, Spiriah suspecting but not knowing, and later confronts him and the part about the threat of death could be moved there for Krika to convince him to keep his mouth shut.Yeah?
Hmm... This seems to contradict evidence from the storyline. In Federation of Fear for example, when asked by Brutaka about defenses while on Artidax, Spiriah claims that he knows only what Krika had sometimes mentioned about some of his ideas for them. Here it strongly implies that he knew about Miserix's status he entire time.So, should I keep it as is, or go with bonesiii's suggestion?
*keeps searching*
9) Is Krika aware that Spiriah knows of him not killing Miserix?9b) Did Krika tell him?
9) Yes9b) Spiriah pretty much pieced it together
In view of that...never mind. I'm going to leave it up to you here, but I think you can get away with your current interpretation of those answers. :)
Link to comment
Share on other sites

That does answer my questions, but I get the sense Greg means that Spiriah figured it out as Krika was going, and did confront him, but only after he got back. So some editing to change the order of those events I think is necessary, to be safe. I would suggest having Spiriah be so taken aback by Krika's insistence that he go on alone that he really didn't know what to say or do, and Krika just walks off while he stands there confused. Methinks this fits Spiriah's character. Then put the confrontation and agreement to not tell the others after.

The Destiny of Bionicle (chronological retelling of Bionicle original series, 9 PDFs of 10 chapters each on Google Drive)Part 1 - Warring with Fate | Part 2 - Year of Change | Part 3 - The Exploration Trap | Part 4 - Rise of the Warlords | Part 5 - A Busy Matoran | Part 6 - The Dark Time | Part 7 - Proving Grounds | Part 8 - A Rude Awakening | Part 9 - The Battle of Giants

My Bionicle Fanfiction  (Google Drive folder, eventually planned to have PDFs of all of it)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have edited the situation concerning Miserix's fate. The new context was fixed using bonesiii's suggestion, and both versions are listed here.Original version:

Restraints of shadow sprang from his hands and coiled around Miserix’s body, effectively trapping the former head of the Brotherhood of Makuta.“What?” I responded, but my fellow Makuta was already walking away. I stepped forward, intending to do my part in the task. “We were both ordered to execute him. I will assist you.”Krika turned, an expression fixed on his mask that stopped me short. It was also one that featured emotion I believed to be alien to him, providing enough for me to deduce his true motive. I narrowed my eyes, and responded almost darkly, “You are not going to kill him – care to explain, my friend?”“What is the point of killing him when he is but a victim of jealousy and greed? What harm can he do now that all of his brothers have turned their backs on him?” he answered, his voice tainted with pity.Sneering at this, I raised a claw and dashed forward to apprehend Krika. He evaded my charge, however, and in one swift maneuver, he grasped my wrist and slammed me into the wall. Although I didn’t see it in my daze, I felt Krika’s hard glare focused on me.“How rash,” he said coldly, pressing me hard against the wall. “I would have expected more consideration from you, Spiriah. And don’t think of trying that again. This is our mission; we’re in this together. If the others discover this, we both will suffer the consequences. Do you understand me?”I nodded hesitantly in agreement, earning a moment’s stare from Krika, before he too nodded and released me.“Good,” he said, grabbing hold of Miserix’s bound frame once more.Without another word, he vanished further down the hall with the very much alive Miserix. And I watched him leave, wondering if there would be any qualms in Krika’s mind about his decision as he disappeared into the darkness of the dimly lit passageway.Miserix’s whereabouts did not remain a secret to me. According to Krika, he had imprisoned the Makuta on Artidax. I applauded him for that, for no one, not even I, would go looking or traveling to that place. I tried to keep this knowledge out of mind, though it was Krika voicing some ideas of his for defenses that constantly reminded me of his noble deed, and why I couldn’t betray him to the others.I must say that his courage in having disregarded Teridax’s command was admirable. I never revealed this treason to the others, finding truth in Krika’s words and fearing death at my brothers’ hands.
New version:
Restraints of shadow sprang from his hands and coiled around Miserix’s body, effectively trapping the former head of the Brotherhood of Makuta.“What?” I responded, but my fellow Makuta was already walking away. I stepped forward, intending to do my part in the task. “We were both ordered to execute him. I will assist you.”Krika paused then, facing me with a determined look in his eyes. “I will go on from here, alone,” he insisted sternly.Without another word, he vanished further down the hall with the bound frame of Miserix. And I stood there, watching as he disappeared into the darkness of the dimly lit passageway, bewildered by both his tone and staunch attitude.However, in the time proceeding, certain concerns caught my attention, such as the strange shift of Krika’s focus on other priorities, and the absence of Miserix’s Kanohi from the collection of masks nailed to the Convocation Chamber’s wall. It was soon after that I finally realized the reason behind his actions and behavior. I wasted no time in confronting him, slipping into the chamber he occupied.Striding over to Krika, I narrowed my eyes and began almost darkly, “You didn’t kill Miserix, did you, Krika? Care to explain, my friend?”He turned, an expression fixed on his mask that stopped me short. It was also one that featured emotion I believed to be alien to him, and one I never expected a Makuta to display.“What is the point of killing him when he is but a victim of jealousy and greed? What harm can he do now that all of his brothers have turned their backs on him?” he answered, his voice tainted with pity.Sneering at this, I raised a claw and dashed forward to apprehend Krika. He evaded my charge, however, and in one swift maneuver, he grasped my wrist and slammed me into the wall. Although I didn’t see it in my daze, I felt Krika’s hard glare focused on me.“How rash,” he said coldly, pressing me hard against the wall. “I would have expected more consideration from you, Spiriah. And don’t think of trying that again. It was our mission; we’re in it together. If the others discover this, we both will suffer the consequences. Do you understand me?”I nodded hesitantly in agreement, earning a moment’s stare from Krika, before he too nodded and released me.“Good,” he said.Miserix’s whereabouts did not remain a secret to me. From what I gathered, Krika had imprisoned the Makuta on Artidax. I applauded him for that, for no one, not even I, would go looking or traveling to that place. I tried to keep this knowledge out of mind, though it was Krika voicing some ideas of his for defenses that constantly reminded me of his noble deed, and why I couldn’t betray him to the others.I must say that his courage in having disregarded Teridax’s command was admirable, although even today I wonder if there are any qualms in Krika’s mind about his decision. I never revealed this treason to the others, finding truth in Krika’s words and fearing death at my brothers’ hands.
Everything should hopefully be fixed now. Edited by Magnus Greel
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

I enjoyed this story. I believe that your portrayal of Spiriah as a mad scientist who was also absolutely full of himself was very effective, the characterization lending itself greatly to the narration. The contrast between his current squalor and his past status as a Makuta could would have done well to have been played up a bit more, perhaps with more emphasis on the description of his laboratory. I also liked how you wrote his interactions with Krika and Chirox, playing off of a scene from The Mutran Chronicles. It was nice to see Spiriah's point of view from that exchange, and of course he thinks the others are just jealous when he is criticized. Your explanation of why the Zyglak became friendly with Spiriah was also a good touch. I had wondered how he had gotten them to follow his lead, just like you wrote of Krika employing the power of sleep to subdue Miserix. It is small touches like that that make for a good story.

 

:akaku: X-Ray :akaku:

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
- Ecclesiastes 4:12

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

I had marked this entry green (meaning good for polls) but apparently forgot that technically it had needed another approval by the rules. However, since this contest is so late and it appears all issues are fixed I'm waiving technicalities like this, so this post is just confirmation that I'm calling this good for polls. However, the author is still invited to make edits to fix anything further that's brought up and approved for editing by a judge. If the entry wins we can worry about making any further edits with special approval then.

The Destiny of Bionicle (chronological retelling of Bionicle original series, 9 PDFs of 10 chapters each on Google Drive)Part 1 - Warring with Fate | Part 2 - Year of Change | Part 3 - The Exploration Trap | Part 4 - Rise of the Warlords | Part 5 - A Busy Matoran | Part 6 - The Dark Time | Part 7 - Proving Grounds | Part 8 - A Rude Awakening | Part 9 - The Battle of Giants

My Bionicle Fanfiction  (Google Drive folder, eventually planned to have PDFs of all of it)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...