First up, Reading Over My Shoulder Is Dangerous To My Health. The main character used to be male Phovos, living on an island full of Bohrok. Now it's a female Phovos living somewhere on Bara Magna, near a bunch of portals.
You know what? This planet needs more laptops. You see, my name is Phovos, and I am the only owner of a laptop within a 100km radius. Seriously. Okay, it doesn't have to be laptops, desktop computers would do, but the thing is, since I'm the only person who currently has one, everyone keeps on trying to read over my shoulder! It means I have to be really careful what I say and write and type. I mean, I have a reflective screen, but that doesn't help much when the person behind you is a Makuta. Makuta are like all shadows or something silly. It's worse when it's someone like Zaktann. The guy is like pure flying protodermis stuff. You can't even swat him away with a fly swatter or a newspaper. So annoying.
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah. This is kinda like a blog. Not like my awesome blog that I write where I pretend to be a Medic from Team Fortress 2. No, this is a more Bionicle-y blog. I was going to write one and pretend to be Lehvak-Kal, but when I discussed that with him, he said he didn't like the idea. I said "Pleasssse?". He demanded cake. So no, I won't be writing that blog. Not unless Lehvak stops demanding that I make him a cake every day for the rest of his life until I die.
Knowing my luck, I'd die first. The other day, I was browsing on this website. It's called Bionicle Zone Power, or BZP for short. With a name like that, I can see why everyone prefers saying BZP. Then I found out that no one calls it Bionicle Zone Power any more. AAAANYWAY, I was on BZP and I saw this topic. "What's your favourite red Bionicle?" the topic asked. Fair enough. Easy answer for me. Tahnok-Kal. Or Turahk. They're both great. But Nooooooo. Hakaan was reading over my shoulder. And so he shouts at me and sets my tail on fire for not mentioning him.
Oh dag nabit. Ehlek wants to use my laptop. Wants to check his lottery numbers. Guess I'll be back later then...
Well, that's that... Blog-like comedies used to be fairly popular. Not as much as Ask Us comedies or The Toa Nuva in X Silly Situation... Speaking of which... Did you ever know about The Toa Nuva's Ramblings? The Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings' little brother? No? Well, here's some of that too...
What's so funny, Lewa?
Oh... No-Nothing, Stone-Rock brother!
It must be fairly funny... Otherwise you wouldn't be giggling like Macku on a date with Hewkii...
No... It's no-nothing. Just a me-private thing.
Oh, come on, you can tell me.
Okay... You beat-win. I... I put... I put a sea-squid in Gali's tea. In the water-kettle.
That... That isn't very nice.
It's a trick-joke! It's not supposed to be very nice!
Good point... Well, as long as you don't get torn in half like you did last time...
Yes, that was not good-fun. It is a good thing that Onua had some sticky-tape-glue.
So... What's with the tree speak all of a sudden?
What do you mean?
I read in your diary that you were giving up speaking tree-speak.
You READ MY DIARY?
You know what? I'll leave it there, since I think that's a bit too bloody for our liking. That really does bring everything neatly back to my last preview for this topic. Yes, the pinnacle of comedy. One of the most original comedies to ever appear on BZP. Or not. Either way, it was a bloody good comedy... Okay, I'm boosting it up too much. I'll just leave you to read this preview of Pohatu's Stolen Diaries, the sequel to the (fairly) hit comedy, Phovos's (Stolen) Diaries!
So, I was sitting there, in my house in what is now called New Po-Metru, reading a magazine about an oncoming sand storm and just twiddling my thumbs when Kopaka knocked on the door. I'm like the only person he actually speaks to, and I quickly had to glance at the clock to see if it was coffee time. It wasn't. So I let Kopaka in.
"Hiya, Kopaka. How are you?" I ask.
"Well. I think this is yours."
And with that, he plonks a book in my hands then disappears again. Typical Kopaka. For some reason, he gets my post. Dunno why. I glance at the book and scratch my head, accidentally knocking off my mask as I do so. I put my mask back on and read the book. It's not mine. It's Onua's book.
It's his diary...
Oh, don't look at me like that! If you were there, you would have read it too! The first page alone was amazing.
GAH! It's so DARK down here! These dumb onu-Matoran don't ever turn any of the lights on! I keep on banging my head! I don't remember how I got here, and this constant head banging doesn't help me remember!
One of the best bits was on page 25.
Gali is nice. Gali is REALLY nice. Gali is... Dare I say it? Why not. No one will read this. Gali is sexy. Shame she's my sister. Although, that hasn't stopped Tahu from trying...
Another good bit was here:
I DON'T CARE. PAST IS BETTER THAN FUTURE. KOPAKA CAN GO AND FREEZE HIMSELF IN A GIANT ICE CREAM.
So much ranting. So wonderful. So... Amusing.
Of course, I haven't stopped there... Oh no, not even close. After I read though Onua's diary, I wondered what was in Gali's diary. And Tahu's diary. And Lewa's diary. And Jaller's diary. And everyone's diary.
So I made a decision. I used my powers for evil instead of good. I am now not just a Toa Nuva. I am a stealer of diaries.
And there we have it! Pohatu's slightly evil! Phovos got her tail set on fire. Gali has squid in her tea. Exciting stuff! Well, no. I guess we'll leave it at that then.
In the fine words of RED Medic as a decapitated BLU Spy's head attached to a battery begged to be killed...