Unity, Duty, Stupidity
Episode 1: Morning At The Nuva Cabin
Sponsored by Avohkii Cereal, the #1 cereal of Mata-Nui, that sandbar in the ocean that nobody remembers anymore. Thanks Avohkii Cereal!
Narrator: In the time before time…
Director: Alright, cut that line! It is too corny, it is overused, and it is stupid. Can’t we at least have some originality in this? Alright, rant over, continue.
Narrator: *ahem* The seven Toa Nuva lived together in tranquility after the terrible reign of Makuta. Since they hated the way they looked when they were in Karda-Nui, they had a bit of a makeover and look like their old selves again. Unfortunately for Pohatu, he’s still a hunchback, so hopefully he’ll understand if we cut some of his lines since he has absolutely no sponsors to support his hunchback…ness. We still pay him money to play the bit parts, though, so if you see a couple of large, hunchbacked Matoran, then you know who they are. Onto the episode. (Also, don’t ask how Takanuva got back to his original self. Let’s just say it took a few tons of plastic explosives to blow him up and put him back together again…)
Narrator: At a small Rent-A-Cabin the Toa Nuva are staying at until they find a house to live at, which they have neglected to pay rent for over the past four months…
Gali: Good morning everybody! Oh, and if I don’t see you again later on today –
Director: Keep the originality of this concept going, please! That’s already in a movie!
Gali: Whoops. Sorry.
(Enter Tahu and Kopaka.)
Narrator: Tahu, who had been playing in the basement of the cabin – suspend your belief here, folks, seeing as cabins don’t have basements – on the Xbox, had purple bags under his eyes that went about halfway down his Kanohi Hau.
Gali: Tahu, you look terrible!
Tahu: You look beautiful, so maybe that will make up for it.
Narrator: Gali fought her natural instincts to slap Tahu, and decided to simply ignore the comment.
Gali: …Either of you like some pancakes? I just made some!
Narrator: Upon seeing the pancakes on the small yellow plate, he grabbed two of them, and put them on one of the plates set aside for the seven Toa Nuva. Sitting in his chair, he pointed his scarlet finger at the pancakes, and a spiral of orange flames turned the pancakes into flat, circular charcoal.
Tahu: Just how I like them, heheh...
Kopaka: Tahu, don’t do that again. Remember the last Rent-A-Cabin we stayed at? That you burnt down? If you recall, I literally dragged you out of the fire to keep you from getting burned. That dehydrated me for about a week, which was a bit troublesome when we didn’t have enough money to buy ice. I’m lucky I even had elemental powers for even a part of that summer.
Tahu: Yeah, that was a fun time, wasn’t it? What was that? The third Rent-A-Cabin I burnt down? Thank goodness Onua and Lewa made that dirt tornado to keep that owner away. He was pretty ticked-off if I recall. And by the way, you didn't need to do that, I was doing well on my own...even though I hit my head on that two-by-four and knocked myself out.
(Enter Onua and Lewa, arguing.)
Lewa: I told you, those were mine!
Onua: I have the receipt for them! I bought them myself!
Lewa: No, I bought them, you stole them!
Narrator: Kopaka, wanting a peaceful morning, quickly divided the two arguing Toa with a thin wall of ice. Lewa had unfortunately caught his hand in it – his wrist was frozen while his hand was in the face of Onua.
Kopaka: Oh, be quiet, both of you! Now what is this all about?
Lewa: Release my wrist and I’ll tell you, iceman.
Tahu: Oh yeah, like that wasn’t a cheap shot…
Lewa: Stuff a LEGO brick in it, Tahu.
Narrator: Kopaka quickly removed the wall of ice, and Onua hastened to dodge Lewa’s hand before it hit him in the face.
Gali: Alright, explain, please.
Lewa: Onua stole my –
Director: OK, before you make a big mistake here, don’t say pie. Or anything food-related. We want some originality. Then again, the idea of a director interrupting his cast twenty-four-seven isn’t that original, but hey, I wanted to be a part of the show. Continue.
Narrator: Lewa shot the director a dirty look after his words, and continued on with his statement.
Lewa: As I was saying…Onua stole my collection of CDs.
Tahu: Depending on the CDs, we can justify Onua’s reason for stealing them or maybe wanting to listen to them. So, what were the albums?
Lewa: Basically classic Pink Floyd. Dark Side of the Moon, Animals, Wish You Were Here, and my own special selection of songs from The Wall.
Tahu: How dare you steal Floyd, Onua!
Kopaka: Hey, just a sensible question here, how can we possibly have Pink Floyd in the Matoran Universe when that’s something the outside world has? Unless we have a leak in our universe and some guy sold the albums to you, then yeah, there’s no sense here.
Lewa: No, I created the leak and stole them from some kid in the outside world. Luckily he had an action figure of me, so it was pretty easy to convince the kid it was only a dream.
Gali: Oh, wonderful…that isn’t one of those things we’re going to have to fix, like, right away or anything is it?
Kopaka: Wait, you said you had the receipt…?
Lewa: No, not until a few chapters from now. And that was a ploy to get them back from Onua. Anyway, I would like them back.
Onua: You’ll have to fight me for them!
Tahu: I’m surprised the Director didn’t call you out on that for not being original.
Gali: Alright, let’s just get on with breakfast. Eat your pancakes, and then I’ll give you a list of the places we need to stop by later on today.
Tahu: We’re actually going to places? I thought we just stay at one of these cabins for the next year and keep on scamming the owners! That makes it no fun that way!
(Enter Pohatu and Takanuva)
Takanuva: Come, come, Tahu, we must stop cheating these owners out of money. Eventually we’ll have to pay them back, and be at least honest about what we have done the past few months.
Tahu: Could somebody stick a LEGO brick in his mouth? Mr. Nobility needs to realize that we don’t have any money. Also, Pohatu, what is that on your back? Oh, it’s just you.
Narrator: Pohatu, who still was a hunchback, was constantly made an object of teasing by Tahu and others.
Pohatu: Do we still have some of those plastic explosives from when Takanuva was blown up? Maybe I can rebuild myself from scratch…
Gali: Pohatu, stop being so superficial. There’s nothing wrong with you being a hunchback. Then again, it’s kind of hard to get in through doors sometimes…
Gali: Well, eat, everybody, just for the sake of getting rid of these pancakes. I make three dozen, and they just sit here on a plate all morning!
Kopaka: Kiss those pancakes goodbye, Gali. Remember, Onua has that many for breakfast alone.
Narrator: Gali, unfortunately, did not take that into consideration immediately, and within a minute, Onua hastily ate the 3 dozen pancakes sitting on the plate. It was a rather disgusting, Rahi-like showcase of the Toa of Earth’s instincts.
Lewa: Well, I guess I wasn’t really in the mood for pancakes anyway. Instead, I’ll have Avohkii Cereal, the leading brand in cereal and the #1 breakfast on Mata-Nui!
Tahu: Talk about product placement…
Director: Can we just end the episode here, please?
Director: NOT THE END OF THE SHOW, YOU MORON! THE END OF THE EPISODE! YOU ARE FIRED…WHOEVER YOU ARE!
Word Count: 1,274
Alright, it seems kind of slow, but hey, this is my first time working with this. Comments are, as always, appreciated, and I would love for this to catch on. Thanks for reading! ^^
Edited by Peach 00, Oct 25 2012 - 04:41 PM.