4 replies to this topic

[Cederak]

I've never done a poem in CoT before, and only a single one in the Library that was written years ago. A lot of my poetry doesn't make it to an audience, but this was an opportunity to try something new and take myself out of my comfort zone. Enjoy.



Truth

You will search as far as your eyes can gaze
And construct untold ways to see further.
There exists a constant demand for truth
And in searching quite so desperately
You hope you might discover what is true.

If you were granted the capacity
Of a billion lifetimes and scoured
The depths of the void, your search would still end
In failure. The truth is not found in stars,
Nor in atoms. Nature has no reason
Or inclination to produce such truth
For itself. It merely encompasses
Those axioms around which certain laws
Have been inexorably established.

Only men make facts, and only men wish
For classifications of what is real.
On reality, I can provide answers.
There is good, and evil. And there is love,
Upon the precipice of which is truth.
It overlooks canyons of delusion
A happy monster that has devoured
Men consensually for centuries.

I must warn you that slipping is easy
Though countless individuals have leapt
Blindly forth with no regard for safety.
Perhaps this great fall appears inviting,
For life in deception is easier
Than facing truth. Truth comes without trinkets
Or fanfare. Truth is not self-important.
It must stand to exist for its own sake,
Not in arrogance, but in harmony
With the few who accept it as it is.

Below truth, in the endless chasm of faith
And fantasy, there is a vast ocean
Of more clear symbols than the Pacific
Has molecules of water. Beneath the waves
You will find emblems of love, fear, sadness
Anger, and the complete human spectrum
Of emotion. This is the real dwelling
Of society, of heaven and ######,
Of everything that stands between a man
And the truth. Untold scores of men will live
Out the rest of their days and die here,
Either glimpsing truth and rejecting it
Or tragic enough to have it eclipsed
Their entire life. Down there, men claim to know
The truth, and display it to the masses
In a seemingly exalted format.


They will say that this is the only truth,
That any others will lead you astray
And turn your soul to ash. Do not be fooled.
This is a hollow shell of the great truth,
The empty and decaying chrysalis
That no two men will ever view the same.

In reality, this is the cocoon
The absolute truth had to soar out from
Before journeying up beyond the cliffs.
If a man were to ever seek this truth
He begins in a dark simulation,
Where all the new children of men are born
With misled eyes. He must ascend alone,
Armed only with a simple climbing axe
Called choice. If a man should reach the summit
Of veracity, he will discover
The pointlessness with which all others persist
In their motions. Compared to the one truth
On the high peak, everything seems useless.

This is because, despite man's achievements,
Love is the real, final resolution,
The solitary absolution of sin,
And the single quantifiable truth
That gives a value to being a man.
This is the truth, which you may align with
Or disregard pursuing mirages.

Only love, the rightly miraculous,
Immaculate conception of mankind
Can transcend the very realms of divinity
Or desire, and exist gloriously
As truth. Clearly our finest creation,
Love just is, and exists for its own sake.
This pinnacle of our young legacy,
One that belongs to all who accept it
As their avatar, is our greatest hope
For everlasting continuity.

[Quote (Mr. Traveler)]

I'm no poet, but for me, this was done very well. I really enjoyed the meaning behind all the different "truths", and I'm glad that you placed all of those aside to finish it off with that what's important is helping one another first. At least that's what I got from this. It wasn't too wordy and really pulled me in. Nice job Cederak, though I'm probably not the best person to review this, I really enjoyed this a lot!

(And congrats for making your first CoT poem a fresh one that isn't dark/depressing/drama!)

Edited by Quote (Mr. Traveler), Oct 27 2012 - 10:08 AM.

[Cederak]

Thanks for the review, Mr. Traveler. I know that a lot of CoT stories fall into the "dark/depressing/drama" categories, and I like branching out of that to offer a new direction around here. Admittedly, looking back, I have some questions of my own about the poem, but your take on it summed up my ideas rather nicely. Fun fact: Each line is exactly 10 syllables, which made for more of an interesting challenge, but enjoyable to write all the same.

-Ced

[Yukiko]

Official Short Stories Critics Club Charity Review
 
Hello.  Let me just say that this was all together a joy to read out load.  The care you put into constructing this really shows, and it gives this poem an almost blank verse feel.  You manage to give this an archaic edge without forcing it, and the result is altogether amazing.
 
Now saying that, once you've followed the rules, it's okay to break them a little.  Not even Shakespeare had his syllables even all the time, and I see some parts where you sacrifice the rhythm to meet your syllable requirement.
 

Only men make facts, and only men wish
For classifications of what is real.

 
I would suggest "to classify reality," for the last line.  It sounds much stronger.
 

Just remember to keep tense constant.

If a man were to ever seek this truth
He would begins in a dark simulation,

Where all the new children of men are born

 

"New children" is a bit redundant.  I would suggest.  "Where all children of humankind are born."  (I swear it wasn't for feminist reasons. XD  Just sounds better.)

 

The last lines were really the only parts of the poem that I disliked, unfortunately.

 

As their avatar, is our greatest hope
For everlasting continuity.

 

Who's avatar are you talking about?  Everlasting continuity is doubly redundant (=P).

 

I would honestly just scrap these and come up with some better ones that capture the soul of your poem more.
 

Those axioms around which certain laws
Have been inexorably established.

A happy monster that has devoured
Men consensually for centuries.

And in finality, I will squee over these lines, because the juxtaposion of sounds in both of them is just awesome. Keep writing. ^^

[SkyLandOceAnna]

I found this poem to be very profound and I enjoyed your take on 'truth' and admire the length you were able to give to this poem.