Posted Nov 02 2012 - 08:44 PM
ROBOTS! Man up Mode
Part 3 of the 3rd Annual Vultraz Halloween Special
“Man, why does Vultraz always leave us hanging like this?” asked Jaller as he grabbed his Kohlii staff off the wall. “I mean, first he just starts getting captured, then he gets sent off to another dimension, then he dies, then he comes back and leaves again, and now he’s captured... again.”
“There will be no complaints against the boss.” Bitil said. “He is Vultraz, and we should listen to him.”
“Who cares about Vultraz?” asked Metus. “He never does anything for us.”
“Your opinion doesn’t matter.” Bitil said. “You have not ever appeared in a real Vultraz Comedy.”
“This is real!” Metus protested. “We’re about to die for this stupid diner!”
“This diner is not stupid!” Bitil said. “It is better than you!”
“That’s not saying much.” Jaller muttered.
Bitil smacked Jaller backwards and the Ta-Matoran fell into a large cooking pot full of the acid they used to clean the utensils after Vezon had cleaned them. Jaller squealed and became submerged, thrashing around for several seconds before Vezon pulled him out.
“Silly Jaller, you are not supposed to swim in acid!” Vezon said, chuckling as spittle covered Jaller’s flaming face.
“My eyes are on fire!”
“Here, I will extinguish you!”
“No! Vezon, don’t do that! Vezon, I’m serious! Stop it! Vezon, no! No drool Vezon, no drool – augh, it’s so gross! It’s seeping into my eyes! My precious eyes! My nose! Augh, my mouth! My-”
Jaller was saved once more, this time by Zaktan.
“Praise you, Zaktan.” the Ta-Matoran gasped.
“You guys ever wonder why Halloween is never really Halloween-ish around here?” Metus asked as he grabbed a sniper rifle.
“No, not particularly.” Zaktan said. “It just opens up opportunities for campfires and sharing scary stories.”
“Don’t start on that again.” Jaller warned. “I’m still mad about that.”
“Everybody is still mad about that.” Bitil agreed. “That was quite possibly the worst story I’ve ever heard... of all time.”
“Not my fault.” Zaktan said, shrugging.
“Eh, do not worry about mate.” a bubbly voice said from below. “You not the worst, Metus worst.”
“Mutran, I swear, your capability for actually speaking is decreasing.” Jaller said. “This time next year you’ll be saying ‘blargh’ to us all the time.”
“Maybe turn me into normal.”
“Maybe not... you’re far more use as a pile of goop.” Bitil told him.
“Hey guys, does anybody know how to use this thing?” Metus asked, swinging the sniper rifle around to point it at Jaller.
“Hey, don’t point that at me!” Jaller cried, backing away slowly.
“No idea.” Bitil said. “Try zooming in.”
“How do you do that? Do you say zoom?”
“Press the black button.” Bitil said.
“Which black button?!” Metus screeched. “There’s like seven of them!”
Metus pushed the button and was instantaneously gifted with a close up view of Jaller’s wimpy finger. He fumbled with a few more buttons on the sniper rifle as he swung it around to various areas in the Diner before pulling the trigger. Jaller screamed.
“SON OF A MUAKA, MY HAND!”
Metus lowered the sniper rifle to see that Jaller now had one hand. He chuckled nervously as Mutran and Vezon fixed a hook onto Jaller’s arm.
“Man, this sucks.” Jaller complained. “Why does this happen to me?”
“It’s funny when it happens to you.” Bitil said.
“You know what isn’t funny at all? How boring you are.” Jaller snapped.
“Ooh boy, look out the window!” Vezon called. “There are lots of robots standing at the top of that hill!”
“Grab weapon fight robots.” Mutran gurgled.
“Sounds like a plan!” Zaktan agreed, smacking Jaller into a baseball bat. “I suppose I can go distract them, since you’re all only going to kill me anyway.”
Zaktan separated into a massive cloud of protodites (momentarily suffocating the unfortunate Jaller in the process) and flew out into the street, gliding up the hill.
“Well, we might as well get started.” Metus said, walking to the open door and aiming his sniper rifle, firing once and knocking the head off of a Vultraz Bot.
Zaktan flew behind the enemy lines and then threw something down which flashed brightly. When the light faded away, an entire battalion of Jaller Bots was nothing more than a smoking wreck. The next second, Zaktan stepped out into the open and was immediately shot in the head by Metus.
“Oops.” the Agori muttered. “Sorry, that was my bad.”
“WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR?!” Zaktan screamed as he slowly began to reform. “Can you guys try and not kill me for once? For once?!”
“I said I was sorry!”
“I don’t really care!”
“And here we all believed Zaktan was a happy-go-lucky sort of guy.” Bitil commented, loading up his nynrah blaster. “Time to take over these suckers!”
“ATTACK!” Vezon bellowed, spittle flying forward and splashing over the entire first row of robots, burning them to ashes instantaneously.
Jaller, Vezon and Bitil charged forward, each of them doing their best to duck under the wild sniper shots of Metus. Bitil glanced back momentarily and saw that Mutran had somehow managed to build a rocket launching device that was blowing up entire waves of Jaller Bots and Mazeka Bots.
“For our ancestors and our descendants!” Vezon cried.
“We have no ancestors!” Jaller snapped.
“I do not care! I can do this!”
Vezon pulled a strange tool out of nowhere and pointed it at Jaller as he was set on fire by a Krika Bot, pulling the trigger. Drool fired out of it and splattered over Jaller, rejuvenating him and removing the fire. Jaller laughed with delight, temporarily forgetting what was now all over him as he ran through the ranks of the Krika Bots, smashing them all with his Kohlii staff.
“This is so much better than handing candy out to strangers you don’t even know!” Metus shouted from behind, firing his sniper rifle and catching Zaktan in the back. “Uh... that wasn’t me!”
Zaktan glared at him as he reformed, before taking out his rage on the Metus Bots. The Skakdi threw a pipe bomb far into the zone of the Metus Bots and it began to whistle, attracting every single Metus Bot there was (and probably every single Metus Bot not even built yet). After thirty seconds it exploded, sinking a full quarter of Dine-Metru under the sea and wiping out every single Metus Bot in existence.
“That... that hurts, Zaktan.” Metus said. “That really hurts.”
A moment later Metus let out a string of curse words that would earn him a trip to the Nether to play with the Ghasts someday as all six Zaktan Bots appeared in front of him.
“This is not fair!” he protested. “You guys hate me too?”
He fired off a shot from the sniper rifle and managed to catch a Zaktan Bot in the eye, taking it down. However, the sniper rifle was then swatted away by a Zaktan Bot. Metus was about to say something along the lines of “I’m screwed” when Mutran’s rocket launcher machine fired projectiles that blew every single remaining Zaktan Bot up. Metus thanked the pile of goop and grabbed a shield and sword, charging out to join the others in battle...
...only to find that Bitil, Jaller, Vezon and Zaktan were all back to back fighting against the horde of robots, unable to keep up. Grinning, Metus flicked a switch on his shield and charged even faster into the rows of robots, swinging his sword like a madman, cutting through the ranks of Jaller Bots, Bitil Bots, Mazeka Bots, and Krika Bots with ease.
“Where are the Icarax Bots?” Jaller cried out.
“Who cares, we’re winning now!” Zaktan yelled as he stabbed a Bitil Bot.
Metus, his charge having run out, leapt into the circle as he sliced a Jaller Bot in two pieces.
“Yeah, this is way better than trick or treating.” the Agori decided. “Let’s never just sit around a fire and share stories ever again.”
“Uh... what was that?” Jaller asked.
“I have a really bad feeling about this.” Bitil said.
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. CLANK.
Vezon paused from covering robots in drool, glancing up at the robot that was now casting a shadow over him. A moment later Bitil and Zaktan stopped to stare as well. Metus realized what was going on when the giant Icarax robot, far larger than Vultraz had led them to believe, stepped on Jaller and crushed him.
“You know what, screw this.” Metus decided. “Why are we fighting to save his stupid diner anyway?”
“Yeah, let’s just go save Vultraz.” Zaktan agreed. “We can build the diner back up later.”
“Sounds like a plan!” Bitil said, nodding. “Everybody fall back! Find out where all the other people snuck off too! Retreat and begin location scouting!”
“What about me?” Jaller muttered, his head and arm sticking out from under the Icarax Bot’s foot.
“Nobody cares about you.” Metus said.
“I hate my life.”