A Tombstone Story

[Jean Valjean]

LETTING THE READER KNOW THAT THE SETTING OF A STORY IS THE END OF THE WORLD IS ALWAYS A CATCHY, IF NOT CLICHÉ OPENING LINE, but in this case it seems more interesting to note that this story revolved around the philosophical implications of pizza. You could never have enough pizza. Well, you could, presuming that your stomach was at risk of exploding, but imagining that someone could eat on end and never have to worry about getting full, why would anyone want to stop to do anything but enjoy the sensation of having pizza in their mouths? Pizza was the reason mad wizards sought immortality in the first place, because dying meant you could no longer eat pizza. What a scary thought.……….As it happened, the end of the world was brought about by a mad wizard, although he claimed to like more sophisticated food. In fact, the food he liked was positively nasty. Well, perhaps that was why he was a mad wizard, because otherwise, if he sought immortality to eat pizza he would actually be a very sane wizard.……….But that’s irrelevant.……….Now, there was Buzzy and Monosmith, who resisted the end of the world and fought in many battles while crying out many sacred ideals. God, democracy, liberty, God, freedom, integrity, altruism, and God. It seems that they had their ideals down nice and neat.……….Well, they lost, the end of the world came, and the evil wizard ruled the universe for fifty-three million years. Buzzy and Monosmith each survived by virtue of time distortion and arrived at the end of those fifty-three million years to join the resistance that was at its peak then. They met each other in what felt like ages, even though it had really been more like three years for them.. It was on the outskirts of a really huge battle with laser fights and all the works. On a hill where Buzzy parked his space ship. They just stood there, panting.……….“You know what I need?” said Buzzy. “Pizza!”……….“I don’t think they have that this far into the future,” said Monosmith.……….“I have one in my space ship,” said Buzzy.……….Buzzy’s ship was big enough that he and several friends and allies lived comfortably within for two years in time distortion, and it most certainly had freezer cambers. These held pizza and other goods that helped Buzzy survive while flying near the speed of light throughout outer space.……….So they took a pizza from the ridge. In fact, several pizzas, because they were a lot hungrier than usual. Fighting battles and saving the world did that to you.……….“I want Red Baron,” said Buzzy.……….“Hey wait, it looks like you have Tombstone,” said Monosmith.……….“I like Red Baron more.”……….“The Tombstone is even stuffed crust. My mother used to buy those all the time.”……….“My mother – “……….“Don’t even. Your mother was an alien from the planet Alantra. You didn’t even taste pizza until you came to Earth as a teenager.”……….“The first I had was Red Baron. I have a lot of nostalgia, too, you know.”……….“Alright, how you cook Red Baron and I cook Tombstone? Isn’t that the obvious solution?”……….“Hey, wait, you’re right. Why are we even arguing about this?”……….They shrugged. It was just them being exhausted. So they cooked their pizza and sat in Buzzy’s lounge, looking out the window at the battle beyond where laserfire scorched the landscapes. Then the pizza was done, and they ate it with their feet kicked up on the table.……….“You know, I could probably end this whole battle on my own,” said Monosmith.……….“You’re being so emo lately. Lighten up. Because Pizza.”……….“Yeah, you’re right. It’s pretty strange. I’m kind of sure that this time we might be heading toward the end of the universe for real. As in, everything gets destroyed, not just a way of living. Everybody’s talking about the pursuit of happiness and has no idea what it is, and yet, here we are eating pizza. All we need are Ashley and a few other good old friends and I’d call this pretty good.”..........“I just had an idea,” said Buzzy, pointing out to the battlefield with the point of his current slice. “Why was it called the end of the universe in the first place? I think it was all because the evil overlord took control and hated pizza. I mean, then people stopped enjoying the simple things in life. People looked for power and pushed forth these strange agendas. Why can’t they just accept the simple pleasures in life? Like pizza. Pizza’s the purpose of life.”……….Monosmith shook his head. “Well, I believe the purpose to life is love, but then, what is love?”……….“Baby don’t hurt me.”……….“Stop it.”……….“Hey, you like classical music and I like pop, and that’s a good song. Imagine if that song would be playing over the battlefield. It would be pretty epic.”……….“Maybe after we win a few battles, we can spread the joy of pizza again.”……….Buzzy finished his last slice and thought it over as he chewed. “The question is, would it be Red Baron or Tombstone?”……….“I think we’ll find out,” said Monosmith.……….And thus was what might have been the single most important conversation in all of history. Buzzy and Monosmith made a bet on whether the masses would like Red Baron or Tombstone better. They fought a few more battles, as they said, reveled in the Technicolor of the laser weapons . Then, as it looked like the good guys were winning the war, they celebrated prematurely and started recreating old pizza recipes and campaigning with food.……….It turned out they were both right, Buzzy in the area of what music fit a laserfight and Monosmith in the area of pizza, which by far was more important. Then, when the good guys won, they resigned to their simple pleasures. Music, reading, play, friendship. And Tombstone was the best pizza.

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Edited November 21, 2012 by Jean Valjean

[SkyLandOceAnna]

I thought that was a rather unique story. I think its great that even in the midst of war, people can still have a normal conversation and enjoy certain other aspects of life and living. Anything from sharing stories to making new friends to love to pizza. You can see this portrayed in many movies and books, such as Shatter Me or Battleship or Terminator or I'd say even Disney's The Lion King. Thank you!

[Grantaire]

My reaction can be summed up like this: "What, what?" I was expecting a short story, and I got a mixture of short story and comedy. Not that it is bad; it was just not expected.In all honesty, this story seemed rather light to the point of being a comedy; the rather random narration it had was rather confusing storywise. While I understand that the main part of the story was about two superheroes on a break between fights, the way everything is written, it's a little confusing.The subject of pizza in relation to tombstones majorly weirded me out, even after I found out the origin thereof. Not that it's bad, but it's as weird as my writing a depressing story to the theme of rainbows.While I'm at that word, I might as well say it: this story weirded me out in a lot of ways, although not in a bad way. It was a light, but rather funny read, and I rather enjoyed it. Even still, "O.o" was my main emotion.The characters really weren't developed, but the story wasn't long enough to do that. Nonetheless, they were okay. Their notions of pizza and music (oh goodness, Buzzy's taste in music *shudders) were amusing, and fit well in with the lighthearted tone of the story.

……….Now, there was Buzzy and Monosmith, who resisted the end of the world and fought in many battles while crying out many sacred ideals. God, democracy, liberty, God, freedom, integrity, altruism, and God. It seems that they had their ideals down nice and neat.

...I hate these people already.

……….Buzzy’s ship was big enough that he and several friends and allies lived comfortably within for two years in time distortion, and it most certainly had freezer cambers. These held pizza and other goods that helped Buzzy survive while flying near the speed of light throughout outer space.

Chambers.