Review well, and I will give you a cookie!
Here is the story link.
Edited by sonyaxe, Nov 27 2012 - 07:24 PM.
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Chapter 2 is up, please review.
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Posted Feb 06 2013 - 04:31 PM
"Wierd." Andy said.It is spelled "weird," not "wierd."
Remembering my manners, I responded with a classic answer. "I'm me, and can't be anything but me." I said with a slight smirk. In the background, I think Jake snickered. Politics be ######, I had been waiting to say that for AGES.Looks like the word filter ate your word. I recommend changing it to something that is more BZP-friendly because the censor stands out in a very annoying way.
"No." A simple answer, and one that I wasn't hoping for. I switched to pig Latin, and shouted to Jason: "(translation) Make this place go boom!" He cackled maniacally, and the wall behind him exploded, (where does he get those dang military grade explosives?) propelling him forward amid a cloud of debris.This doesn't make a whole lot of sense, either. I know Kai wondered where Jason got the explosives, but that doesn't help the problem at all. Where could a (presumably) thirteen-year-old boy get his hands on military grade explosives? Furthermore, how did he active them when his hands are chained to the wall? And why didn't the Vahki confiscate the explosives when they chained up the kids in the first place? Did they not bother check the kids for possible weapons?
"If people only knew how hard I work to gain my mastery it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all." -Michelangelo
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(BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded Completed 05/11/13)
(What I Should Have Said Posted 12/20/12)
(The Final Answer Posted 02/18/13)
Posted Feb 20 2013 - 08:10 PM
Thank you for your review, it is really helpful.
First off, Jake's idea about the portal will be explained later.
As for the spelling, I have fixed that in the the future chapters. But thank you for pointing that type of error out, I will fix those in the posts I make later.
I blame auto correct, it was changed from danged to... well, you know.
Jason actually does have near military grade explosives, I based him on a friend from real life. And my line of reasoning on why the Vhaki didn't take them was because they didn't know what they were. Plus, he is an expert lock picker, and can use a variety of weapons.
Thank you so much for your review, I wrote a chapter trying to follow your advice, hopefully it is good.
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