Posted Nov 27 2012 - 03:24 AM
Posted Nov 28 2012 - 06:42 AM
Posted Dec 03 2012 - 05:33 AM
"Where's that popcorn you promised me, Phovos?" Eric asked, licking his lips.
"When on earth did I promise you popcorn?" Phovos hissed back.
"Who cares about popcorn?" Phovia, who had grown bored and started playing on Tahnok's tiny laptop (without his permission, mind you...) sighed. "Vrey... Pohatu, get on with it so I can get back to playing Saints Row: The Third without having to listen to the rest of you."
"Why are you playing on my laptop?" Tahnoj butted in. "And what's with all these sentences starting with questions?"
Pohatu or Vrey or whatever he's called just rolled his eyes. "As I was saying before the long interlude that lacked popcorn, I was going to mention the War. Thing is, the Toa, or Hoardikai, as they were starting to call themselves, had been very secretive in their movements. No one knew yet that they had changed and were all starting to work together, almost as a nation. A lot of the Hoardikai had gone to Metru Nui to live there. One group in particular were actually quite powerful. I don't remember their names, and most of them died early on anyway, because they'd been caught killing or eating Matoran and a Makuta had quickly executed them. But there were four of this group left. Lhikan, a Fire Toa, Nidhiki, an Air Toa and Naho and Tuyet, two Water Toa.
"Thing is, Tuyet had found something. A Toa Stone. An object that can..."
"Let me guess," Phovia interrupted. "It turns a Matoran into a Toa."
"Yeah. You're right. But this was a really powerful stone. It could make a whole team of Toa. And Tuyet wanted to keep the stone for herself, to create a new, pure group of Toa who didn't kill. Lhikan on the other hand, just wanted more Toa to join his ranks. So, in an attempt to get the stone, Lhikan started killing and leaving Matoran around, framing Tuyet. When a group of Titans arrived to arrest Tuyet, she attempted to use the stone to make herself more powerful and escape, but Lhikan blocked her and knocked the stone. He was about to catch it when Nidhiki stopped him, letting the stone shatter into six pieces, which were washed away by a wave created by Naho.
"So Tuyet was hauled away to a prison near the submerged city of Mahri Nui, and Lhikan started bringing more and more Hoardikai to Metru Nui. But the Great Beings and the Makuta were beginning to notice what Lhikan was doing. The Hunters, seeing an opportunity, attacked Metru Nui and invaded. Honestly, no one expected this. The Matoran, in desperation, hid in the Archives, using whatever they could find to keep both Hunter and Hoardikai away. Both sides lost a lot of people. And things were starting to look bad. Metru Nui was almost in ruins.
"But then something unexpected happened. Nidhiki sneaked off one night and went deep into Hunter territory. He'd often do this, with Lhikan's permission, to try and find information about the Hunter's movements but Nidhiki always came back empty handed. That night though, Nidhiki didn't come back at all. Turns out, he was sick of his Matoran-killing ways and wished to stop Lhikan. Of course, Lhikan discovered this when Nidhiki lead 20 Toa to their deaths, then allowed Naho to die. Furious, he captured Nidhiki, siphoned out his elemental abilities then threw him into a lake of protodermis (which Metru Nui pretty much floated in), leaving the good Toa to die.
"Eventually, the Hoardikai won the war, but their numbers had been decimated. The remaining Hunters fled the island. The Hoardikai though went underground, spreading themselves out in an attempt to both protect their fading population and to find a new base. Lhikan remained on his own on Metru Nui, in search for the six lost Toa stones..."
"What about Nidhiki?" Phovos asked.
"What about him?" Pohatu replied.
"Is he dead?"
Pohatu shook his head. "I'll get to him next time..."
Posted Dec 08 2012 - 12:32 AM
This story isn't really laugh-out-loud funny. It's more slightly amusing, like that Tahu VS Tahu story, which was actually quite depressing.
That story's entire goal is to make you suicidal. That's iBrow's secret plan.
At any rate, this is an interesting comedy/epic crossover. It's very well written so far, I'll definitely give you that, and the story is obviously well thought out as well. I have two main complaints about the comedy at this point, which I'll go into more detail with.
#1: It kinda seems far more like an epic than a comedy. Now yeah, I know it draws from the same style as TvT, but I think what made TvT have so much appeal to suicidal people is that while it kept an epic plot line going, the main humor of the comedy came in the form of the actual characters' personalities. It's not that the act of, say, one Bionicle electrocuting another is funny, but it's the rather insane and deranged personalities that go into that scene that make it funny/slightly amusing in the first place, which brings me to my next complaint...
#2: Perhaps this is just me, but I think this might work out far better if the first couple of chapters were spent fleshing the characters out and giving us a world to enjoy in the first place before going off and giving us some backstory. Now I'm not against the idea of backstory at all, backstory is an incredibly important concept of any epicomedy and I'd be the world's largest hypocrite if I advocated against it. It's just that, at the beginning of a comedy/epic/crossover, it perhaps doesn't work as well because we haven't really been introduced to the world, or the characters yet, and backstory rarely helps introduce people to either. It can flesh out and dig deeper into the world that's been built, but it rarely works out well as something to kick things off with.
Just ask anyone who somehow managed to avoid not falling asleep during the opening wagon ride in Skyrim. Ugh.
Anyways, this isn't to simply rant on the comedy and say it's terrible. It's got a ton of potential, and these are just my honest thoughts.
Don't hate me.
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