6 replies to this topic

[CeeCee]

Well I would be lying if I said it was a poem but its just a little poetic thing I came up with. Hope you like it.

 

 

An Eternity 

 

From this window I see everything,

Not just the world but the entire dimensions,

The birth and death of entire galaxies only to be missed in the blink of an eye,

Civilizations brought to their knees by the slight wave of my palm.

 

This power burns inside by like a nagging urge,

Can I stop myself or do I  just chose not to?

Only I can tell truth to myself yet it is a term I am not familiar with,

Is every one has a destiny then why must mine hurt so much?

 

I am every lie you have ever told,

Every guilt you have swept away,

Every memory you tried to suppress.

I feel it all and bathe in its agonizing beauty.

 

From this prison I see nothing,

I close my eyes and wait for each millennium to pass,

An eternity of suffering and pain,

A darkness to feed upon.

 

Have you ever seen true evil?

It's in my very soul.

You see, as much as I am its prisoner I am its prison.

For me to pray for death is a selfish deed.

 

So instead I pray for time,

To cut me from these unbreakable chains,

From this window I see everything,

Come, let me share my curse with you as you did with I.

Edited by III IV VII, Dec 03 2012 - 06:15 PM.

[Jean Valjean]

Ah, this reminds me of when I told my friends that "I am the Eternity that lies between the mysterious ethereal crevices of space."  It's a bunch of enigmatic stuff that means nothing (although it takes just enough from familiar intuitive descriptions that it sounds like it does) and it just sounds cool.  Howeve, these types of descriptions are always useful for inspiring lines within greater works and creating ideas for mysterious characters.  I suppose this is something I could listen to that would give me a vague idea for the presence I might want to evoke for a character or setting.  This one actually reminds me a lot of a song with the mixture of vagueness and specificity with the wording, as this is often how songs work.  There's usually some sort of narrative leap and it takes a lot of filling in the gap to figure out what happened in between to lead from one thing to the next.

 

There's really nothing wrong with this.  It doesn't bear anything meaningful for me, although I think that this is a fun form of wordplay.  I think Nuile should stick to this sort of stuff for a while.

 

(Just one problem, though.  The last line of the second stanza currently reads "Is everyone" when it should say "If everyone."  I'll edit out this footnote one you make the change it it no longer applies.)

 

24601

[SkyLandOceAnna]

I found this to be interesting and am not quite sure what to make of it. I like the wording, minus the spelling and grammatical errors, of course.

[Haecceity]

Now this has an obvious lyrical quality to it (at least to me) and would be interesting to see set to music. Like the poem you posted on your blog, it relies somewhat on how deep a reader is willing to take their thoughts, which may confuse some as to your intentions, but if you wish others to form their own opinions on what you are saying, by all means continue like this. Quite interesting, and I'd love to see more from you in this vein.

[CeeCee]

Now this has an obvious lyrical quality to it (at least to me) and would be interesting to see set to music. Like the poem you posted on your blog, it relies somewhat on how deep a reader is willing to take their thoughts, which may confuse some as to your intentions, but if you wish others to form their own opinions on what you are saying, by all means continue like this. Quite interesting, and I'd love to see more from you in this vein.

 

Thanks man. I really appreciate the support.

Maybe Ill publish it as a song one day. The poems are some what connected although are from different "characters"

[The Novelist Called Nuile]

I suppose the value in poetry of this sort is that it's like a painting; everyone sees something different. For me this had a very clear meaning, a deep and profound one that touched me. Some might not read as I did, and if they did might have a different interpretation; some might take a superficial view of it and just enjoy the elegance and the vague, poetic style. I suppose in a way it has something for everyone; while, in another, it has nothing for anyone. It has its own distinct value as a sort of mirror. It's a delicate construction, but there's nothing actually in it, allowing the reader to see nothing but themselves and their own thoughts as if they were someone else's. Really very clever and quite beautiful.

My only cavil is that there were several grammatical mistakes, which tend to bother me as a pet peeve. Otherwise, well done.

 

I'm surprised Kraggh didn't apply it to Superman. It could quite aptly fit from the right angle, which was near to the angle from which I viewed it.

 

Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith

Edited by Nuile Writerson, Feb 10 2013 - 04:38 PM.

[CeeCee]

Wow. Thankyou so much for the kind words