Edited by Tekulo the WindWriter, Dec 24 2012 - 01:03 AM.
Posted Dec 24 2012 - 12:54 AM
Posted Jan 03 2013 - 04:30 PM
Tekulo, this story is just brilliant. I think you pulled off your goal very well of changing the entirety of your story through a simple sentence. The ending caught me totally off guard! The first time reading it through I was kind of horrified at what was going on, but the second time was just hilarious in context. xD
I'm not much of a reviewer, but I can say that your descriptions were really quite good and I think worked well with both circumstances--what we thought the story was about and what it really was in the end.
I could probably ramble on about certain aspects of your story, making myself sound all eloquent, but I wouldn't actually know what I was talking about and neither would you, probably, so I'll just say, well done! I enjoyed this story from beginning to end, and I'll be looking forward to more pieces of yours. : D
Posted May 08 2013 - 09:54 PM
Wow, where are my manners. I'm Zaxvo from the SSCC, your story has been selected for a free review.
As you probably noticed, I quite enjoyed that twist ending. It's funny, I guess the SSCC is moving through the christmas stories now for the free reviews, and this is the second christmas story in two weeks that I've had the pleasure of reviewing that had a twist ending. Last week's however, went from moody to quite depressing, whereas yours went from grim to just plain funny.
I'm sure you can tell which I enjoyed more. I enjoy laughing. Laughter is good for the soul.
Anyhow, back on track, your writing style is excellent. In 4 short paragraphs, ignoring that last sentence, you sum up quickly, succinctly, and efficiently the grim tone and mood of the tale. And then with 1 sentence, you turn that on its head. That my friend is true skill.
The only sentence I'd change, actually, is this:
I don't know exactly how I would alter it, but as it is it's wordy and awkward. Perhaps, between each paragraph, you have the words "Creak, Crack"? That way the reader gets more of a sense of the impending doom, the long wait as the house is being destroyed. Just a suggestion, I'm sure you've got one or two others of your own.
In every corner of the room the same sounds echoed and echoed; creak crack, creak crack.
Overall though, excellent tale, truly well written, and a pleasure to read.
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users