Thanks to Hubert for putting together this awesome index of chapters:
- Product 2
- Product 3
- Product 4
- Product 5
- Product 6
- Product 7
- Product 8
- Product 9
- Product 10
- Product 11
- Product 12
- Product 13
- Product 14
- Product 15
- Product 16
- Product 17
- Product 18
- Product 19
- Product 20
- Product 21
- Product 22
- Product 23
- Thanksgiving 2011
- Black Friday 2011
- Christmas 2011
- New Year's Day 2012
- Valentine's Day 2012
- Easter Special
any resemblence to a real product is probably intentional.
Toa of Nerds proudly presents:
This comedy attempts to inform of you of brand new developments in the BZPower novelty products industry, helping you to make purchasing decisions and SAVE MONEY. So what are you waiting for? Pick up your phone, keep your credit card handy, and be prepared to buy some useless junk that you MUST HAVE!!!
This comedy is dedicated to Billy Mays. May he rest in peace along with all the useless junk he tried to peddle off to us.
Announcer: When BZPower was down, were you bored?
Announcer: Did you suffer from clinical depression?
Announcer: Were you scared at the prospect of actually having to interact with society?
Announcer: Well, then you need Fax-O-Power! Whenever the next massive down-time occurs (scheduled for next thursday) then you can keep in contact with your BZP friends and get that BZPower fix that you always crave!
Announcer: Here’s how it works. We supply you with sheets that look exactly like BZPower, except they’re in real life!
Audience: Wow! There’s a world outside of BZPower?
Announcer: Yes there is folks, and Fax-O-Power is in it!
Announcer: Now, you simply obtain all your friends personal information such as mailing address, birthday, social security number, and name of favorite kitten by stalking them all over the internet (the makers of Fax-O-Power do not condone illegal activity).
Announcer: Once you have your friends’ fax numbers, just fill out the Fax-O-Power form as shown, and fax it to all of them for a response to your topic! It’s just like real BZPower, except it isn’t!
Announcer: Don’t have a fax machine? Don’t worry! Your workplace probably does, and that’s where you do most of your BZPing in anyway: at work!
Audience: You bet!
Announcer: Work at some lame joint where the only machine they have is a cash register? Don’t worry! We’ll help you with our patented Cash-O-Fax absolutely free of charge! This breakthrough product can transform any normal cash register with internet access into a fully operating fax-machine so that you can Fax-O-Power even at that cruddy fast food restaurant you work in! That’s a 50 widget value, yours absolutely free!
Audience: No way!
Announcer: With over 5 million units of Fax-O-Power sold, you don’t want to be left out when BZPower’s next downtime comes around! This product will change your life, but don’t take our word for it! Listen to this testimonial from one of our many satisfied customers, TahuDude8732047910! (actor portrayal)
TahuDude8732047910: During the downtime before last, I decided that I could never go through BZPower withdrawal ever again, so I bought Fax-O-Power. It was the best purchase I’ve ever made, and it saved my life during the last downtime. Check out what I did:
Announcer: That’s right! This product will change your life forever! It has all the features of regular BZPower including PM, Avatar, profile fields, and even the quote feature.
Announcer: So how much does such an amazing product cost?
Audience: 2,000 widgets?
Audience: 1,000 widgets?
Audience: 500 widgets?
Announcer: NO! 5,000 sheets of this incredible, life-saving invention will only cost you ten easy payments of 49.95! That’s right, only ten easy payments of 49.95! But if you use your credit card, then we’ll deduct one full payment! That’s right, you get 5,000 sheets of Fax-O-Power, plus the Cash-O-Power cash register addition for only NINE easy payments of 49.95!
Audience: WOW! Is that all?
Announcer: Did I say that was? NO! Because if you call within the next 15 minutes, we’ll also add in 5,000 sheets of our retro package! Think the new BZPower skin looks like some cheesy half-baked fashion blog? Well, with the retro package you can BZP like in the old days!
We’re giving you this absolutely free of charge partly because you want you to buy Fax-O-Power, but mostly because we ordered 5,000,000 sheets of this outdated junk and have no idea how to get rid of it! That’s a 499.50 widget value, yours totally free!
Announcer: That’s right! You get Cash-O-Power, 5,000 sheets of Fax-O-Power, 5,000 sheet of the retro package, and now a full set of actual bed sheets!
Audience: NO WAY!
Announcer: Can’t stay up late with BZPower? Then do the next best thing and fall asleep with BZPower with these top-quality bed sheets emblazoned with Hapori Tohu, just like the new skin isn’t! Each bed sheet is manufactured by 500 skilled Chinese laborers and made of 100% natural Egyptian Polyester! You will not find a better deal anywhere else!
Announcer: You get it all! 5,000 sheets of Fax-O-Power, 5,000 sheets of the retro package, the Cash-O-Power add-on, and a prime set of Chinese-made polyester bed sheets all for only NINE easy payments of 49.95! But if you are one of the first 500 callers, then we’ll double your offer! That’s right, you’ll get 10,000 sheets of Fax-O-Power, 10,000 sheets of the retro package, TWO Cash-O-Power add-ons, and TWO sets of prime Chinese-made polyester bed sheets! So what are you waiting for? This deal is totally insane and is not available in stores! Pick up the phone and-
Audience: CALL NOW!!!
Edited by Toa of Nerds, May 12 2012 - 09:54 AM.