Product Twenty-Two (Hacker Smacker)
Announcer: These passed weeks have been trying times for BZPower. For at this time, BZPower was suddenly and deliberately attacked. When this happened, we weren’t sure if we could go on. After all, in the midst of war, can you really sell useless stuff? But then I realized to myself: how can you live without buying useless stuff? SO WE PRESS ON TO SELLING USELESS STUFF!!!
Announcer: But this product isn’t useless! I, and all other BZPers, hope that such an attack will never happen again. So make sure it will never happen again with the Hacker Smacker!
Announcer: The Hacker Smacker is guaranteed to prevent any hacking attempts by Smacking the Hacker!
Announcer: This new and revolutionary cyber defense program will insure BZPower remains online for a lifetime!
Announcer: Instead of relying on the incredibly lame powers of actual cyber defense, the Hacker Smacker relies on psychological powers!
Announcer: That’s right! Instead of actually preventing the hacker’s access to the database, the Hacker Smacker displays a barrage of Windows-esc messages asking him or her if they are sure about that, if they want save their progress, if they’re really sure they want to do that, and informing them of “error code: STOP 0x09943138”!
Announcer: Basically, it annoys the heck out of any non-Windows user!
Audience: What if they hacker doesn’t boot Windows?
Announcer: Hah! Well, if the person in question is actually booting Windows, then they obviously aren’t a competent hacker and we don’t’ have to worry about them!
Announcer: What’s amazing about this is that it slowly works its way into the mind of the hacker; gradually sapping their will to ever touch a computer again!
Audience: You can’t get that anywhere else!
Announcer: That’s right, and you can’t get it at a lower price: $19.95!
Announcer: That’s right, you get peace of mind with only a piece of your paycheck! Hackers will never want to deal with these annoying pop-ups again! Check out the Hacker Smacker in action:
Announcer: With that, you’d never want to hack again!
Audience: That’s right!
Announcer: So call now and keep your database hacker-free!
Edited by Toa of Nerds, May 05 2012 - 02:29 PM.