Some of you older fans may remember the original Bionicle movie: The Mask of Light. Even some of you younger members may have seen it. In any case, this is a spoof of that film that I wrote years ago, and have decided to share. So naturally it'll probably make a lot more sense if you've seen the movie first.
I'd like to add that this was inspired by another spoof of the movie I read years ago by an old member called SPIRIT. I found his spoofs of the movies hysterical, and this inspired me to write my own. Thanks, SPIRIT! I even used one of his characters, the Director.
So, without further ado, I'd like to present...
Bionicle the Movie: The Mask of Light: What You Didn't See
CHAPTER 1: Opening/Lava Snacking
( A whole bunch of Lego bricks fall and magically form the word: LEGO. Strange, isn't it? )
( A lake. At night. We zoom over the lake while dramatic music plays and see a city. Suddenly, all the lights in the city go out, and the words "MIRAMAX: Home Entertainment" appear. WHAT BIZARRE WORLD DO WE LIVE IN!?!?!? )
( We go down through some mist and some birds fly by... We finally arrive at the Amaja Sand Pit. In the background, someone fiddling with some keys can be heard. )
Vakama: Stupid door...
( The sounds of a door opening and someone scrambling into position are heard. )
Vakama: Gathered friends, listen again to our legend...
( Vakama pauses for dramatic effect. )
Vakama: ...of the me.
( The director [yours truly] coughs loudly. )
Vakama: *sigh* Oh fine. ...our legend of the Bionicle. In the time before time the Great Spirit descended from the heavens carrying we, the ones called the Matoran. (actually I'm a Turaga, not a Matoran, but a certain someone wants to keep this thing simple)
( The director coughs. )
Vakama: To this paradise. We were seperate, and without purpose, (except for eating Cheese Nips) so the Great Spirit illuminated us with- I'M BLIND! Oh wait, I just blinked. Ahem, illuminated us with the three virtues: Foolery, stupidity, and density. Wait... *checks script* I mean, unity, duty and destiny... I thought mine were better though... We returned these gifts to the store and bought a pilates machine instead, and in gratitude named our island home Wal-Ma- Uh, Mata Nui after the Great Spirit himself. But our endless Cheese Nip eating was not to last, for Mata Nui's brother, The Makuta, was jealous of these low-calorie snacks and betrayed him, hitting him over the head with a frying pan, forcing Mata Nui into a deep slumber. The Makuta was free to "let the dogs out". And "let them out" he did.
( Dramatic music plays, and the title scene is shown. )
( At Ta-Koro, Jaller is looking for Takua. )
Jaller: Takua! Ugh, he's got less Cheese Nips in his head than a Cheeze It box... Takua!
( Jaller sees Takua's Kolhii stick leaning against the wall of an arch. )
Jaller: Aw, Takua. Hmph. He better not make me late for my yoga class...
( Jaller walks through the arch and down a winding path into the lava caves. )
Jaller: Takua! Takuuuuuuaaaa!
( Meanwhile, Takua is looking past a lava river at a totem. Pewku is with him. )
Takua: Look Pewku! *points to totem*
( Pewku is completely still and silent. )
Takua: Uh, hello? *waves hand in front of Pewku*
( The cardboard Pewku falls over. )
Director: Where's Pewku!?!?
( Pewku walks into the cave wearing a towel. Upright. On her hind legs. )
Pewku: Geez, can't a girl take a shower? *pauses* Are we filming?
Takua: *sigh* Yes!
( Pewku promptly throws her towel into the lava and gets on all sixes. Takua starts hopping across the rocks. )
Takua: Thats- Why- They call- me- Cheese for brains!
( Takua stops on a rock near the other side and admires the totem. )
Takua: Ooh, I bet no one's ever been this suicidal before...
Takua (taken by surprise): *high pitched girly scream*
Jaller: Relax, it's just me!
Takua: Uh... *high pitched girly scream*
Jaller: Oh cut it out!
Jaller: What are you doing down here alone!? We're supposed to be at the kolhii match! It's the Superball...
Takua: Oh, oh yeah, sorry Mr. No Fun.
Jaller: I do too have fun...
Jaller: I think I left it in my other suit.
Takua: Yeah, well, hang on a sec', I just gotta check out that totem.
Jaller: You're hopping across lava to look at a stupid warning totem?
( Suddenly, a bright light shines from above, even though they're in a cave. )
Deep Loud Voice: Don't diss the totem.
Jaller: *high pitched girly scream* Y-yes sir! Right away sir! Anything you say sir! I am your servant sir!
DLV: Let's not overdo it, okay?
( The bright light fades. )
Director: Well I must say, that was odd. Continue.
Jaller: *gulp* Um, you're hopping across lava to look at an extremely intelligent warning totem?
Takua: That pretty much sums it up.
Jaller: Do you know what Turaga Vakama would say?
Takua: Uh... "Where's my cane?"
Jaller: Okay, bad example. Do you know what Turaga Onewa would say?
Takua: *sighs and clears throat* "Let's break big expensive things!"
Jaller: Another bad example... Let's try Turaga Nokama.
Jaller: Now come on!
Takua (hopping across the last of the rocks): Be- Right- There! (on the other side) Ha ha!
Jaller: What's so funny?
Takua: I landed on a pile of gravel. It tickled.
Jaller: *sigh* (sarcastically) Very impressive...
Jaller: No! Now let's go!
( Takua takes the totem off it's pedestal. )
DLV: You have offended the spirit of the totem!
( Suddenly, the tunnel starts to rumble. )
Takua: Oh no!
( Rocks fall from the ceiling and the rocks in the river go under. )
Jaller: Takua, get out of there!
( Several rocks fall around Takua and he drops the totem, which falls into the lava. Takua tries to grab it, but it's too late. Suddenly, the Mask of Light comes to the surface. )
Takua: Jaller, look!
Jaller: (seriously) Very impressive! I think... A great kanohi mask!
( Takua takes it out of the lava. )
Takua: The lava! It buuurns!
( The mask cools off and Takua looks at words written on the back of the mask. )
Takua: Wow, I've never seen this language... Well, except on the back of that one Cheeze It box...
Takua: Hold your rahi! *Jaller holds Pewku* I'm coming!
Pewku: Put me down...
( Suddenly, the tunnel rumbles and a huge wave of lava comes down the river. )
Takua: Here! Take the mask!
( Takua throws the mask to Jaller. Seeing as he couldn't hit the side of a barn, it goes into the lava. Luckily, as we saw before, it floats. So Jaller reaches over the river and grabs it. The wave gets closer, and so Takua throws his board into the lava and heads across the river. Unfortunately, he's slower than a snail on that thing, so the wave closes in to engulf him. )
( A blue blur flies by, saving Takua from imminent doom, so close that Jaller didn't see it. In a moment Takua sees it's Tahu in a blue bathrobe. )
Takua: Ah, Toa Tahu!
Tahu: *throws bathrobe into lava* Okay, first of all, it's Toa Tahu Nuva. Second of all, I was taking a shower when the Stunts Coordinator grabs me and throws me into the lava! Shee... Third of all, my line: Chronicler! Sight-seeing, were you?
Takua (sarcastically) : Sure, and after that I figured I'd go swimming down here.
Tahu: Awesome. Well, let's take a closer look at those falls!
( Tahu does that thing where he flies over the falls, while Takua pretends to scream and be terrifed as he takes pictures all the way down. Tahu sticks his swords in the wall and they stop. )
Tahu: So, Takua, this view close enough?
Takua: I'll say!
Takua: Oh, I mean: *high pitched girly scream*
Director: Much better.
( Takua looks up to see the lava headed right for them. )
Takua: ... Aren't you going to activate your shield?
Takua: ARE YOU INSANE!?!?!?
Tahu: Yep. What's your point?
Takua: TURN THE MASK ON YOU SUICIDAL MANIAC!!!
Tahu: Aw, you're no fun...
( Tahu activates his mask of shielding and the lava goes by harmlessly. He then starts climbing back up the wall. )
There's chapter 1 and I hope you like it so far! I intend to post chapters weekly, so chapter 2 should be up by Sat. Jan. 12th. On an unrelated note, boy does BZPower have a lot of smileys.
Edited by Takuaka: Toa of Time, Jan 27 2013 - 09:46 PM.