Review topic of: http://www.bzpower.c...?showtopic=8887
About Lhikan, Jovan and the Star(Review Topic)
Started by
Dual Matrix
, Mar 03 2013 01:04 PM
1 reply to this topic
#2
Pikiru
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Tohunga
Posted Mar 05 2013 - 01:27 AM
Very nice. I realy like the idea behind the story. 
However I do have a few points.
One, I think it could be built up more. It is not too short, but I think you could add a little more depth to make it more interesting.
Two, I dont think that Lhikan would shout for help. Its just my opinion but I dont think it is in his character as a veteran Toa. Maybe if he tried to use his elemental power and found that it didn't work, then he would shout as a last resort.
And Three, I am pretty sure that Kestora (which actulay only has one r) speak Matoran, or something close to it. In The Powers That Be Kopaka and Pohatu could both understand them. Unless what Lhikan heard was a previously unknown language, you might want to change that line.
Aside for those I found nothing that jumped out at me. I cant wait to here the next chapter.
Keep up the good work Dual Matrix! 
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