132 replies to this topic

[Phovos the Raptor]

Hello, everyone! Phovos the Raptor here! Just editing this first post. If you're just getting into this comedy and can't face reading the old, bad stuff, I suggest you jump to this post where the good stuff starts to happen: Clicky!

 

Here's a quick intro for the characters too.

 

Nuhvok-Kal: Old and grumpy and annoying.

 

Lehvak-Kal: Little baby who loves doing practical jokes and enjoys annoying and hurting people.

 

Gahlok-Kal: Slightly dumb. Slightly feminine. Fairly normal. Breaks electronic equipment.

 

Tahnok-Kal: The Nice Guy. Gets sad very easily.

 

Pahrak-Kal: Slow but he'll get there eventually. He's also amazing at cooking and cleaning.

 

Kohrak-Kal: The Sensible One. If you want a normal conversation, Kohrak's the guy to speak to. Also enjoys singing.

 

Other characters include me (Phovos), The RED Team, Turahk, Pohatu Nuva, Veekay, The BLU Team and Random Guest Stars...

 

 

 

 

...

 

Welcome back to BZP everyone. You probably don't remember me, but I'm Phovos, the insane little Raptor born from the Bionicle Universe and now with my own story and everything.

And I am Tahnok-Kal, also known as Teekay. You remember me, right? Well, I'm the guy who built Phovos. I'm also a Bohrok. Yay.

I'm Lehvak-Kal.

And I am Elkay, a parallel Bohrok just like Tahnok there. That Lehvak-Kal is the original guy from the proper Bionicle Universe.

And as we are here, I am the original Tahnok-Kal from the proper universe as well. Please excuse me while I ignore you all.

You can talk, Tahnok, you don't have mental issues. And you're not the male equivalent of a Bahrag.

A valid point. But you are not human like those two freaks over there...

Hey, Doc, Ah believe we are lost.

Ja... I believe so, mein freund... Zhis is not zhe remains of zhe BLU base of Teufort...

Medic, Engineer, get lost. This is for bio-mechanical beings only!

Ah'll get out me gunslinger then.

You moron! He means like zhose creatures zhere!

Oh... Well, I'll bugger off then...


Good idea, guys... Anyway, don't mind them. They are just morons like the rest of us. Oh, by the way, Teekay, is this an introduction?

No, it's more like us randomly talking at people who aren't here and really just don't care.

As usual.

Can I speak now?

Oh yeah. We forgot a few people. The rest of the Bohrok-Kal speak in their old colours. Blue for Gahlok, black for Nuhvok, brown for Pahrak and light grey for Kohrak. I suppose you remember those guys too, right?

No one here remembers us, little Raptor. We are old in the minds of the young ones...

Is it me or has our leader become rather philosophical?

Sorry, Kohrak, can't hear you. Use a darker colour.

Is this better?

Nope, still can't hea..

Ignore him, Kohrak, he's just messing with you again.

Also, yes, Tahnok is now all grumpy and stuff. Not much has changed then. Also, I think I've changed gender yet again.

You change gender almost daily, Gahlok.

No I don't!

Are you two going to argue over nothing in our first chapter?

Hey, it amuses some people.

Plus, it isn't your first chapter. It's your first chapter on a new forum.

Coming from someone who makes it up as he goes along.

Blame Phovos for that. Plus, she's the poor blighter who has to type all this rubbish out.

It's not that bad. Means I can practice a bit. Also, it means I can pretend to make you say things. I could make you say that...

Phovos, I'll electrocute you...

As will I. I do not wish...

Eh, shut it, Tahnok. We kinda don't like your new outlook.

I hate Microsoft Outlook. Always crashes.

Are we done yet?

Nope.

GET LOST, ENGINEER.

Nah, let the humans stay. I find them amusing.

Really?

No, but I am sure their blood will make for good oil...

Er... Doc, does that respawn machine work in different universes?

I have no idea.

He's joking.

Phew.

I think.

I'm getting my shotgun.

Won't work.

I am getting my medigun,..

That won't work either.

Okay, I'm confused.

You're not the only one...

Edited by Phovos the Raptor, May 08 2013 - 12:52 AM.

[Phovos the Raptor]

And I believe we are back from that short space of time that passed since I last wrote this load of nonsense. Seems as though no one remembers me, but I'll be persistent. You can't stop me posting stuff...

I believe I can if I turn off the power.

Don't you dare! I'll eat your Krana if you do!

Ahem, we don't have Krana any more.

Oh?

Oh yes, Teekay and Elkay fixed us up so now we operate normally on normal brain power.

You have brains?

Stop insulting us.

I wasn't. I thought yo..

You were insulting us. Now get back to work before I turn your bedroom into a black hole!

But... But...

Do as I say, or you will get a large spike shoved down yo...

Enough violence, Nuhvok. You're starting to annoy the rest of us.

But this is supposed to be a violent, stupid comedy.

Yes, on a rather non-violent forum...

But! But! Bionicle history has its violent moments! What about those Piraka? They were all horrible monsters who stamped on Matoran's heads!

That was 2006. We're 2003 sets and the only violence we can have is a kohlii match.

Screw that. I want some violence!

Well you can't have any!

I WILL GET MY VIOLENCE IN THIS LIFE OR THE NEXT!

Do you fancy a one-way trip to the next life?

...No...

Then shut up.

Okay...

Nice... Anyway, gentlemen, we seem to have a problem...

Are you a Spy?

Why is the human asking me if I am a Spy?

Because you speak like one...

I wasn't talking to you.

Who were you talking to then?

You lot. Humans are stupid.

Am not. Ah have 11 PHDs.

You have eleven of Phovos's diaries?

I'm not sure if I can facepalm any harder before I actually hurt myself...

Shut it.

You shut it.

Both of you shut it.

Yeah. Anyway, what's a PHD again?

A certificate saying how clever Ah am... Ya all don't have one, so Ah am smarter than you...

Can you build a biomechanical being?

No.

Well shut it then.

That's more like the Tahnok I remember!

Only just.

Nah, you're getting better. Let me just throw this human outside...

Hey! Ya can't throw me ou..AAAAAHHhhhhhhh...

... And we can get back to making Tahnok normal again.

So, how do we do that?

Oh, you'll see...

Wait! What are you doing? GET OFF ME!

GET HIM!

[Frezon]

Hey, this comedy again. Liked these originally and still like them now. Favorite part so far: when Kohrak was told his color was too light. There's just something with me and destroying that 4th wall.

So, keep it up. Woo!

[Phovos the Raptor]

Long time no see, Frezon! It's been a long time...

Were you just quoting that robot thing from Portal?

False. I'll go for false.

I'm going to punch you, Phovos. Right in the...

Ahem.

Oh yeah. My humour is much more... Adult now...

Says you.

It's true! I'm all swears and complaints now!

You're also an avid Minecraft fan, Teekay.

Minecraft?

That game that he plays all the time on his laptop... I'm amazed he can use it, seeing how large his fingers are.

The laptop... Oh! That computer thing!

Yeah... Anyway, how did your personality operation thing go, Tahnok?

Pretty badly. Nuhvok simply beat me up until I promised to stop speaking like a robot and more like someone with a personality.

Did it work?

I believe so...

TAHNOK? ARE YOU BEHAVING?

Yeah...

Okay then

... Nuhvok just used an emoticon...

We have to kill him now.

No, er... WHAT?

Kidding. Where did those two freaks pop off to?

Which two freaks?

You mean the two humans?

Yeah. Medic and Engy.

Engy is a stupid name.

It's short for Engineer. Plus, that ain't his real name.

What's his real name again?

Dell Conagher, I think.

That is an even stupider name.

That's not very nice.

You just suggested we kill Nuhvok for using a smiley emoticon. You have no reason to have a go at Lehvak.

Your name is not much better, Elkay.

...

It's only because we're called Tahnok and Lehvak as well, and we don't want to get confused...

This whole comedy is confusing.

Scat, raptor!

Eek!

I like my nickname.

So do I. I can tease you about it.

Tahnok...

What?

Not you, him.

Me?

He's talking to me, Medic.

But he vas pointing in mein direction...

No, he's got the death-stare now. He wants to kill all of us.

Ach. I am leaving.

Good idea.

Oh, by the way, our parallel-universe-travelling Bohrok, on your travels, did you ever come across a world ruled by worms?

Zhat vas a very strange place... Engineer's teleporter broke and ve voke up in zhis strange, 2d vorld full of vorms...

Er... Can't say I have... ELKAY. Put down that knife!

What?

You were going to throw it at the humans!

No, I wasn't.

Elkay, I can read your bloody mind. Don't lie.

I can read your mind too, you know...

So we have a stalemate?

Indeed. Now they must fight to the death. Or kiss and make up or something. I don't know.

Something like that. Teekay and Elkay are almost as foreign to us as the humans are.

Oh I know...

Ahem, has anyone seen the sugar?

Why?

I want to try some of that coffee...

Wouldn't recommend it.

The coffee or the sugar?

Both. Don't you remember when Lehvak got high on caffeine?

No?

Just let him go, Tahnok. It will be amusing for us...

Huh?

Nothing. There is some in Teekay's kitchen.

Okay, thanks.

Come on, let's go and watch...

[Phovos the Raptor]

WHAT IN MATA NUI'S NAME HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM?

We haven't done anything.

We simply answered Gahlok's question. Not our fault he went crazy...

Speaking of which, has Gahlok decided his gender yet?

Don't think so... THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT. He just tore my bedroom apart! Looks like a black hole in there!

Isn't your bedroom always a black hole anyway?

Yes, but not literally! This is madness!

This is Sp...

DON'T YOU DARE! And anyway! The guy has lost his tiny, pathetic mind!

He should look behind the sofa for it. I found my lucky coin down there yesterday...

Shut. Up.

There isn't much left in his mind to lose anymore...

TAHNOK. LEHVAK. THIS IS SERIOUS! Gahlok's just gone and tore a hole in Space Time! We could all DIE.

I thought we weren't alive to begin with?

Go on. Make one more joke. I DARE YOU.

You know what?

What?

Now Nuhvok's dared me to tell a joke, I can't think of one...

Typical...

Hey, what's going on?

Gahlok drank some coffee and had a flid-fit.

Is flid fit a word?

It is now.

Meh. Anyway, has anyone seen my laptop?

Gahlok probably EMP'ed it, just like she did mine and Teekay's. Well, Gahlok tried. Teekay put EMP proof metal on his laptop.

Where did you get a laptop from anyway?

Teekay's got loads that he 'salvaged' from humans. And weren't you supposed to be angry?

Oh yeah. WHERE IS GAHLOK? I AM GOING TO STRANGLE HIM.

Isn't Gahlok saying that she's a girl now?

Nope. Went back to being male.

Seriously?

Yeah.

Wow. He's insane.

We already discussed that earlier.

Oh... Well, that leaves me little else to say...

What did you want your laptop for?

THAT DOES IT! I'M OUT OF HERE!

Heh... Right... I wanted to try this game that those two humans are from...

Ya mean us?

Yeah, those two freaks. Teekay installed it for me, and I was about to play when I heard what I assume was Gahlok exploding down here. I rushed off to check that my Kraata experiment wasn't damaged, and when I got back, my laptop was gone...

Kraata experiment?

Yep. I've been trying to make Krana and Kraata compatible with one another.

But that's like combining Windows and Mac!

Actually, it's more like having a Mac but running Vista on it.

Oh.

Yeah.

I did not understand that.

No one is asking you, Human.

Hey, we have names!

Yeah, but this is BZPower, a forum made for fans of a rather human-free LEGO series called Bionicle. Just because Phovos over there is also addicted to games and hats...

Actually, I don't have many hats... Both in real life and via the game...

...Whatever... That just means that you two random human freaks somehow manage to make random appearances in this piece of rubbish comedy.

I couldn't have explained that better, Kohrak. Well done.

HUH?

What?

You... You just gave me a compliment... Are you ill?

Come to think of it... I think I am...

WWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

######. He's back...

[Srakii~Pktaaim]

Is the engineer supposed to sound Southern or British?

--

[ManiacToaLaco]

That Medic the Medic from Team Fortress? If so, then I love this comedy.

Ich liebe deutsch in komedys. Ich denke das ist comedy in Deutsch.... Es tut mir leid, mein deutsch ist nichts sehr gut...

Which I do anyways, but I think you get the idea. Auf Wiedersehen!

MTL

[Phovos the Raptor]

THIS IS ALL WRONG!

What's wrong, Lehvak?

He's wrong. Lehvak's always wrong.

Shut it, Kohrak. The problem is that those humans are WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!

How so? I mean, the fact that they exist on this planet is bad enough, but how much more wrong can they be?

What just happened to your grammar, Tahnok?

I have no idea... Must have been some of that human stuff I touched...

They get the praise, not us! That's what's wrong!

Apparently that Engineer human is from a place called Texan.

I thought he said 'Texas'...

Something like that. I can't see it on this map of Spherus Magna though...

It's on the human planet...

Where is that?

Dunno.

Are you two even listening?

I'm just ignoring you, but Kohrak's probably listening. Though he has no choice in the matter...

Yeah... Stupid bloody enhanced hearing...

Don't you get it? The humans are being seen as better than us!

Oh, get over it, Lehvak. Team Fortress 2 is far more appealing to people than Bionicle is, simply because 1. Team Fortress 2 is still going and 2. it's free. Bionicle lacks both of those.

Oh really? You're seriously comparing a game to the best LEGO series ever?

In your opinion, matey. Plus, I loved that LEGO Star Wars game that Teekay showed me...

Kohrak's right.

For a change.

Yes, for a change.

Kohrak's NEVER RIGHT!

Get lost, Nuhvok.

What are you talking about, little robots?

I AM GONNA KILL YOU.

Ach. Why?

Because I hate you and your Engineer friend!

Why does the little guy hate us?

Because Lehvak seems to think that you two get all the praise, which is wrong.

BUT LOOK AT THE REPLIES!

Lehvak, don't be silly. They like us too.

BUT THE COMMENTS!

Ignore the stupid comments!

Yeah!

Ja!

Yep.

Shut up.

BUT...

No buts.

We don't have buts anyway...

Well, we do, kinda...

Not like humans...

Was that the but of your joke?

KOHRAK.

WHAT? STOP USING CAPSLOCK!

THAT WAS A LAME JOKE!

Can I kill him yet?

Nope.

I wasn't asking you.

...

What?

Oh, nothing. Why don't you humans run along?

We're not children...

You are now. Get lost.

Come on, Herr Engineer, let's go.

Yeah...

........

[Phovos the Raptor]

What are you doing?

Nothing much. Just random stuff...

Is it important or special?

Not really.

So why are you covering the computa thingy like that?

Because.

Because what?

Because you're being nosey...

You ARE doing something special!

Go away, Gahlok.

Tell me, please!

No, I don't trust you.

Please tell me!

Stop asking me.

But WHYYYYY?

Because I said so.

Please tell me?

If you promise to stop changing gender, then I will.

Huh? Am I not allowed to have two genders?

No, it's just that you're breaking one of the rules of Bionicle. You know, only Water, Psionic and Lightning beings can be female.

But that only applies to Matoran and Toa!

Yes... And what did we appear from?

Er... Av-Matoran?

Exactly.

...

Silence...

Wait...

What now?

Does that make Tahnok female?

No.

But he's got lightning powers!

Gahlok, we're gender-less robots. No one cares.

I CARE!

But no one else does.

Why not? I mean, I care... And those Bohrok from a parallel universe care!

They're from another planet actually. One where Bohrok are actual living beings... And anyway, we were just an annoying plot device to make the Toa not seem too OP...

OP?

Over Powered. And we were more of a gap so that all that Mask of Light stuff didn't happen too soon. If the Rahkshi came along all of a sudden just after the Bohrok swarms, then the timing would have been out...

Er... What are you talking about?

Do you ever listen to our conversations, Gahlok?

No... I'm normally too busy trying to make myself look nice.

You really are pathetic. Anyway, Pahrak, what are you up to?

Something secret.

Like what?

It's... Er... I can't tell you.

Why?

How can I explain without giving it away?

Go on, try me.

It's for your Creation Day...

Oh... Hang on, you're making me something for my creation day?

Yeah...

That's sweet. I'll leave you to it then.

... Did Nuhvok just say "That's sweet"?

I believe he did...

Can I see now?

No. Because it's for you too.

Oh... Oh yeah! I have the same creation day as Nuhvok!

Finally he gets it...

Wait, when are the others' creation days?

I think you've lost it. You can't even remember something as simple as that...

Just tell me.

Tahnok and Lehvak are on April 1st, HT...

HT?

Human time, you moron!

Oh...

And Kohrak and myself are on August 3rd.

Wait, isn't it a bit early...

It's never too early.

Oh. Okie then. Now you told me, I want to see it.

Well, you can't.

PLEASE?

Ask again, and I will melt your backside to that chair.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!




I can't believe that worked...

[Phovos the Raptor]

Oh no. What just happened?

What are you talking about, Tahnok?

I think Phovos went and got rid of all those other characters, Nuhvok.

Meaning? I don't follow.

Meaning that it is just me in this dumb lime green text.

Oh, hi, Lehvak.

Heya, Tahnok. But yeah. Phovos realised that she had way too many characters in this comedy, and has decided to bring it all back to its old roots. Six characters plus a couple of guest stars. And the occasional other being that Phovos wishes to introduce.

So I am back in BLUE AGAIN?

Yes, Gahlok. You're blue again. Pahrak gets his brown colour, Nuhvok's back in black, Tahnok's that horrible #ff0000 red, Kohrak is in grey.

WHY AM I IN GREY AGAIN?

And what's wrong with #ff0000? I happen to like 100% Red...

Kohrak, we can't read your bloody white text. No one can unless they highlight it. And because we don't use the normal "Gahlok: Hello!" format, we don't want to inconvenience the readers any more.

Our very existence inconveniences people. We're the Bohrok-Kal. Everyone hates us. EVERYONE. Everyone and their pet dog hates us.

What's a 'dog'? Is it a human thing? I think you've all been spending too much time with humans and stuff!

I haven't, Pahrak. I've been spending time with Phovos and those strange new species. Threavok or whatever they're called.

How long have you been staying with them, Tahnok?

About 6 months...

And you don't know what species they are? Pathetic.

Not my fault there are like 6 versions of them with all different names! We have it easy. We're all called Tahnok, Gahlok, Nuhvok, Pahrak, Kohrak or Lehvak. That's it.

You should see the Bohrok Empire. It's great.

Bohrok Empire?

Yep. Outside of this planet, outside of Spherus Magna, there is a whole galaxy of planets all ruled by Bohrok. It's awesome.

And, er, Nuhvok, how do you know about that?

I'm a general in their army. Even if you only have the emotional level of a simple animal, they'll hire you.

I've just been hitch-hiking across the galaxy. I stopped off on Phovos's home planet. I stopped off at a place called Nirvana. I even stopped by the place where Medic and Engineer live.

Blue Medic?

No, Red Medic, why?

Pity. Blue Medic makes really nice cakes.

Oh, you went there too? Cool!

Yeah. Spy is a creep and Sniper goes to the bathroom in small, glass jars.

I don't even know what doing to the bathroom is...

You don't need to know. Really. You don't want to know...

It's pretty gross. Most creatures do it. Even Bohrok in the Bohrok Empire. Not that they call it that... It's sad how we're so stupid and pointless and we don't have real emotions and there is a whole galaxy of Bohrok that do...

Most of them though don't have powers. They're more like Matoran in that sense.

So, can I have some cake?

We, er, don't have any.

When did we mention cake?

Earlier, but you were too dumb to notice. Plus, I'm the superior Bohrok, I don't need cake.

HEY! Don't diss the cake! The Cake is amaaaaazing!

Bloody Bahrag, we're not going to have a fight, are we?

Yep.

[Phovos the Raptor]

That human over there. He scares me. Goodness knows what dreams of cruelty go through his head...

Tahnok, what in the Bahrag's name are you talking about?

That human over there...

That one?

Well, can you see any other humans around here?

Erm, well, no, I can't. But that doesn't really... Is it a human?

I have no idea. I am just assuming it's human. It's got a human shape, right?

I don't get humans. They look silly.

They're all squishy!

Aw, come on, guys, they aren't that bad! They make cakes and playstations.

What is a Play Station?

I admit, it sounds... rude...

How does 'Play Station' sound rude in any way? Heck, how do you even know what 'rude' means? I only found out what it means by looking at Humans... They say nasty words sometimes...

Oh... Yeah, rude words are bad. Very bad. Phovos is probably gonna get beaten up just for typing about rude words.

But Phovos is a good girl. She doesn't swear!

Agreed. Phovos is well behaved. And she's typing out what we are saying... Hang on...

What?

Why does Phovos have a picture of me on her computer?

Because she can. It's her computer.

Yeah, we don't complain when you listen to loud music...

Like someone....

Hey, don't be like that. I've been good with my music lately. I rarely play it at a level that anyone else can hear. Mata Nui bless my super hearing senses...

Mata Nui's dead, by the way.

Doesn't mean I can't thank him for my senses.

Thank the Bahrag. They made you.

Good point. I'll shut up now.

Actually, Mata Nui isn't really dead...

But he's no longer present here...

PRESENTS?

No. No presents. Wait until your birthday.

But I don't have a birthday...

Tough.

Can I ask a question please?

Sure.

What is PHP?

It's a programming language. Why?

Because this smiley says "PHP RULEZ!"

Where?

Here.
Wow... That's weird...

Seriously, look at all these smilies!

Oh awesome. There is a Tahnok-Kal one!

And a Pahrak!

Hah, your one looks angry!

Aw...

Okay, stop using those Smilies before I have to beat you up.

Awww....

THAT DOES IT!

[Phovos the Raptor]

Om nom nom nom nom.

What are you eating?

Sandvich.

A sandwich?

Sandvich. With a V. Not a W.

What's the difference?

A sandvich regenerates every 30 seconds.

Really?

Apparently.

Huh. That's kinda dumb actually. Like some sort of insane universe sort of thing, where humans are eaten by sandwiches and Bohrok are organic.

I've seen stranger things.

Like what?

Like when Lehvak has a bath. He has to have his little, yellow, rubber ducky with him. And lots of bubbles. Pink bubbles. And hot water. The rest of us just use polish and a duster. He has to have a bath.

Actually, that sounds rather nice and relaxing...

Whaaaat? How is that relaxing?

Dunno. It just sounds nice. Like, what you'd have after a long, stressful day destroying an island and all the stuff that's on it.

You're insane.

You're missing out.

I want a bath now.

How long have you been there?

Ages. I'm always here.

How?

I'm part of Phovos's subconscious. He comes to me when he's scared or upset. I think I act like some sort of cushion.

You're making this up.

Yeah, I am. But I had you going for a second.

You notice things aren't as crazy as they used to be?

Duh. Things are quieter now. We're older. We're almost 10 years old!

Ten? I thought we'd been sleeping for thousands of years?

Well, I mean, since we were turned into Lego sets and sold in human toy shops.

Oh... I forgot about that.

Honestly, you forget about a lot of things...

So, what were we talking about?

See what I mean?

You have a good point there. Shame no one cares.

Aw...

But we all know that everyone hates you, Tahnok...

Aw, that's not very nice, Nuhvok. Everyone likes Tahnok...

No, they just say that. They all secretly hate him.

That's not true! I LOOOOOOVE Tahnok! Tahnok's my best friend!

Really?

Of course!

Liar.

I'm not lying. Read my mind. Go on.

No, don't, trust me. You'll never get out of there... You'll get trapped in Lehvak's mind forever.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Huh. Glad he's gone. So, what were we talking about?

[Phovos the Raptor]

Hey, has anyone seen the laptop?

Why do you ask?

I want to play some Team Fortress 2. I love that game! I love playing as a Soldier and shooting people with rockets.

Can I ask, now that Phovos is addicted to Team Fortress, will we be seeing a lot of it in these comics now? I'm just hazarding a guess, because I don't like Team Fortress 2. I think it's dumb. The only good game is Minecraft.

Gahlok, you're crazy. Most people love Team Fortress. Plus, it's free.

You sound like an advert promoting the bloody game.

Well, I'm just stating a fact.

I like playing Sniper. I'm pretty darn good at Sniper. Spy too, if you give me the Ambassador.

Guys, please, shut it. I don't care!

Well, you're outnumbered! So Nyah!

Anyone else think of flags when me, Gahlok and Tahnok all post together? So much red, white and blue.

Kohrak, stop breaking the fourth wall and get back to beating Gahlok up because he dislikes Team Fortress!

Lehvak, we've already broken the fourth wall by discussing video games! Bionicle beings to not have access to video games!

We did in the archived version of this comedy.

Brothers, the house is going to fall down if we keep on breaking these walls.

They're not even walls. They're metaphorical.

Actually, Pahrak broke one of the walls the other day. Have you seen that giant hole in my bedroom?

Is that why Pahrak's not here?

Yeah. I threatened to murder him in his sleep if he didn't fix it. And after what I did to that Bohrok-Kal of light that used to live around here, Pahrak knew I wasn't messing around.

Oh no. Bloody Bahrag. Don't remind me. There was so much blood and oil. It was everywhere. Tahnok, you're a sick being.

Well, let's be honest here, it WAS self defence.

How so?

He cut my arm off. I used chopped off arm to push him down the stairs into our spike pit.

Oh yeah... I forgot about that...

Anyway, back to Team Fortress 2.

I play Medic.

BOOOOORING.

I bet I could beat you in a fight, 1v1, you as any class, me as Medic.

Maybe later.

Coward.

Minecraft is still better.

Depends on your mood. There ain't much killing in Minecraft. And Creepers aren't scary.

They ARE!

Not as scary as crockets.

Tahnok, no one gets Team Fortress jargon around here. In fact, this is probably our worst chapter ever because NO ONE CARES ABOUT TEAM FORTRESS.

Well, Phovos does.

Oh yeah.

So, where is the laptop?

Pahrak has it.

He'd better have finished fixing the hole in my bedroom...

[Toa Zehvor MT]

...you write...really quickly.

I am quite impressed with your level of free time.

Not that that's bad by any means...

Anyways, on to the actual review:

The strength(or, the greatest strength) of this comedy is definitely in the characters. Their varied blend of tastes definitely keeps them from feeling cliched and recycled by any means, and their banter has yet to get old, especially when breaking the fourth wall. I especially found the pointlessness of the conversation in the latest chapter to be pretty funny: Bringing the entire argument full circle and making it all completely unnecessary was a nice twist.

My only complaint would be the lack of any sort of coherent plot line. I'm not saying there has to be a straightforward, main encompassing theme that engulfs the entire comedy, but it seems like if the Bohrok Kal got wrapped up in some bizarre situation that spanded at least a couple of chapters, that would sort of liven up the comedy again. Perhaps trying to run a hot dog stand, or something.

Anyways, good comedy. I'll be checking in again.

-MT

[Phovos the Raptor]

Bloody Bahrag. Did that commenting person just suggest that we run a hotdog stand?

I'm afraid so, Nuhvok.

... Hold me...

You're not a baby, Nuhvok...

I bloody wish I was! Imagine the fun...

Can someone get the door please?

I didn't hear anything...

I didn't hear anything either...

Ahem. Super sonic hearing, guys. Open the door.

Did someone just knock?

Fine, I'll get it. Tahnok, come with me...

For Mata Nui's sake, Nuhvok, I'm not a baby-sitter!

What is a Baby Sitter?

Hehe, Tahnok, you should have seen how hard you rolled your eyes just now.

Oh look. A very convenient plot device that gives us some sort of plot for the next couple of chapters has just arrived on our doorstep because Nuhvok didn't open the door.

Huh?

Howdy... Oh...

Oh great. Humans.

It's just one human, Tahnok.

All humans are bad. Especially that one.

Er, how so, sonny boy?

Weren't we talking about him in the last chapter?

Well, I don't remember. Tahnok beat the snot out of me.

Ah know a goood doc who can fix that for ya.

HUMANNNNN!

'Human' only has one N in it, silly.

Nuhvok?

Yes?

Do you not get this comedy?

No, not really. I don't get the appeal of it at all. Or why we even hired that Raptor to write this stuff. Wait, are we paying it?

No.

Oh good. Learning to type then? Temporary job? Internship?

A hobby.

Ya oughta get yaself into mercenary work, girl. Pays good.

No one is killing anyone here. Not unless I say so... HEY! Who started playing that More Gun song?

I dunno. I just thought it was just fitting since the BLU Engineer has just turned up on our doorstep.

Ah, someone got it right! You lil critters are smarta than ya look!

We all clearly knew it was you, Dell Conagher. We just hadn't announced it yet.

I admit, I didn't know..

Yeah, well, you're a moron who wouldn't know a good video game if it hit you in the face...

LEHVAK! Don't throw Tahnok's copy of Worms Armageddon at me!

Oh come on. Good joke, right?

Nope.

I was waiting to hear that...

Whatever. Mister, we need to get you back into your own universe!

What universe are we in right now?

The Phoviverse Pocket Dimension. We're dead in most other universes. We gotta get Dell back into the TF2 Universe!

And howdya suppose we do that?

I have some ideas... Nuhvok, get the keys to my lab...

Erm... Where are they?

I gave them to you to look after.

Oh...

Argh...

[Phovos the Raptor]

Okay, we need to find the keys to my lab...

What do they look like?

Oh, you know. The stereotypical, slightly creepy, slightly unusual kind of key. The one you'd find in a haunted house.

Oh... I think I had something like that for breakfast.

Erm, you had cereal for breakfast.

Ah'd love some cereal right now. And maybe some root beer.

Engineer, it's 9am. Why in the Bahrag's name do you want to drink now?

You try fighting to protect a control point from dawn until dusk.

Good point. I'll go fetch you some.

The keys might be in the fridge, have a look there...

O...Kay?

I'll check in Nuhvok's bedroom. They're probably in there actually.

No, I'LL check in my bedroom, thank you very much. You go check Tahnok's bedroom. My bedroom is my bedroom.

Lehvak, you check Nuhvok's room, since Nuhvok will probably just go and procrastinate in there. Since that's what you do best...

Okie dokie! Off I go!

I hate you, Tahnok.

You lost my keys, Nuhvok.

I'll go look in the bathroom.

Why would they be in there?

Oh, they're probably not there. I just need to go to the bathroom.

We're Bohrok. We don't go to the bathroom.

I just wanted an excuse to bunk off from finding your keys.

Ah think, t'quote a friend o'mine, "Ya're 'll a buncha no hopers."

SNAIPAH!

Why did you just say that?

That was really random...

It's... It's just a thing of mine, I have to say it whenever someone says a Sniper quote.

Don't tell me you do that with other people too. Imagine how dumb you'd look if you said "Heavy!" in that dumb voice...

Oh, I only do it for Sniper and Spy.

You are so lame.

Coming from the person dumb enough to trust me with keys.

Should have given them to me. Magnets and all that...

Wait, Tahnok?

Yes?

What do the keys look like again?

They're black with a raptor tooth keyring on the end.

Um...

What?

You didn't give them to Nuhvok to look after...

Huh?

They're in my pocket. Sorry, forgot that you gave them to me.

...

Oh hey, what a wonderful way of celebrating our 3800th post.

Edited by Phovos the Raptor, Sep 25 2012 - 02:31 AM.

[Phovos the Raptor]

Okay, we got the keys. Let's get to the lab...

Hang on, where IS the lab?

I didn't even know you had a lab. I thought that hidden doorway in the closet under the stairs was just something that Lehvak painted.

That's because I did paint a picture of a door on the wall in there just to fool you.

Oh. I feel a bit foolish now.

I thought you were used to being foolish...

Aw, don't be cruel to Pahrak. He IS a smart guy when he can be bothered.

That's the problem...

Oh... Anyway, to the lab! It's under the rug in the kitchen.

That rug I keep on tripping over?

I got your root beer for you, Mr Engineer.

Haha, thanks, sonny boy.

Psst, I think Kohrak is in love...

Am not! It's not every day that you meet a video game character!

It's not every day that you meet a bunch of crazy Bohrok like us.

Oh. Touché.

How did you get that little accented e?

Spell check did it for me.

Gargh. Cheater.

Come back and call me a cheater later when you stop using admin powers to place obsidian around my house on our private Minecraft server.

YOU ADMIT IT! Minecraft IS Good!

Guys, shut it and follow me. And watch your step. I normally just teleport down here so these steps aren't very used. They're old and creaky.

Okay, we'll watch our ste-AAAAARGH!

Hehe.

Ow...

That looked like it hurt.

That's because it DID hurt, nincompoop.

How do you even spell that word?

I don't know, but the Spell Check hasn't underlined it.

Nuhvok, you okay?

Yes.

Good, now get up and help me move this old teleportation device.

Yes, sir.

Darn, I ain't seen one a'those in ages!

What is it?

It's a Teleportation Locational Tracker Planter Device.

What is it?

It's a device tha' tracks particles of Space-Time an' hooks 'em up t'a teleporta so we can get outta 'ere.

WHAT IS IT?

It's a device that finds out where Engineer is from and will send Engineer home.

WHAT IS IT?

It's the thingy that will make the human go away.

Oh, okay.

And I thought Pahrak was missing a few Krana cells...

Shut it.

Will do. Anyway, Tahnok, will that work?

Think so... Just need to find the right frequency...

And how long will that take?

Erm...

About a day?

Yeah... Nuhvok, why did you look at your wrist like that?

Humans do it all the time when people ask them about the time.

That's because they wear watches.

But Kohrak gave me a watch once and it didn't tell the time!

That was my Invis Watch. It doesn't tell the time.

Grr...

So, Ah'll be stuck 'ere for a bit, right? Y'all got anythin' for an ol'Texan like me t'do?

Ohhh...

Oh no, don't give Kohrak any ideas...

Too late...

[Toa Zehvor MT]

You post chapters mucho fasto.

Shame none of the Bohrok Kal can afford a hot dog stand. Though for the sake of whatever poor soul would end up getting made into the hot dogs, I'm sure it's a good thing.

Minecraft argument was hilarious, as well as Gahlok Kal's yelling in the last chapter.

-MT

[Phovos the Raptor]

Oh, why, thank you!

Who are you talking to?

Me, Toa Zehvor MT.

Hey! No guest stars! Go away!

Aw.

And no 'Awww'ing. It's bad enough that BLU Engineer is here and being monopolized by Kohrak, we don't need you too. And none of us like hotdogs!

Dogs are not sexy.

That's not what I meant.

Oh, you meant the edible sausage-like things?

What did you think he meant?

Erm...

I don't want to know.

I don't want to live on this planet any more.

I thought you lived on lots of planets before this one...

Well..

Can Ah go home now?

Awww! But I haven't shown you my miniature combat sentry gun yet!

Did you just say 'Combat Sentry Gun?'

Yeah! I have like three different models.

Why'dya not say earlier?

I thought you'd be more interested in rifles and the custom Plasma Cannon that I built.

Sonnyboy, Ah'm an Engineer. Not a Soldier.

This is all stupid. Has it been a day yet?

No.

How long before we get rid of the human?

I don't want him to leave.

You could always visit him instead of him visiting us.

Ah'm standin' right 'ere, y'know.

I know, but we're more interesting than humans. There are humans everywhere.

Oh hey...

What?

This thing says that it has 5 hours left.

YIPPEEEE!

Oh good. Little Kohrak can show me his inventions.

Follow me, Mr Engineer!

Okay, I have a question...

Yes?

How comes you're smart enough to build teleporters and you've got first aid training, Kohrak can build weapons, Lehvak's generally all-round smart and Nuhvok's a strategic master, but I'm so stupid..?

Aw, you're being harsh on yourself.

I'm not smart.

You are!

Am not.

Well, Pahrak, you are AMAAAAZING in the kitchen. You can make a meal out of anything. You could probably turn raw flour into a lovely meal.

Aw, that's nice of you but...

Hey, no buts. Most Bionicle beings have no idea how to cook, let alone do what you do. Don't knock yourself!

Yeah!... Wait. Does that mean I'm the dumb one?

Erm... No... No, of course not.

Don't lie.

I'm not.

I know you are. You all think that I'm the dumb one! I'm not dumb! I just have different talents! And I can swim the best out of anyone!

And you're scared of Visorak.

Visorak? Where?

Relax. I was kidding.

I hate you.

Aw. : (

[Phovos the Raptor]

Twit... Twoo...

Tahnok, stop being an owl.

I'm being two owls. According to this book, owls don't make a twit twoo noise. The closest is the sound of two owls arguing.

They sound like us.

Pretty much. So, what have you been up to?

Nothing much. I was tempted to spike Kohrak's glass of cola, but I don't think I need to. He's fallen asleep on the Engineer's lap.

Did you take a picture?

Lots of pictures. I think I might put them on Tweeter later.

What about Friendbook?

Dunno. I'm not sure I know what Kohrak's password is on that.

Do you think our single reader understands what we mean by Tweeter and Friendbook?

Oh, probably. We're only messing around. Bohrok can't have Friendbook accounts because the automatic system goes "Hey! Lehvak-Kal isn't a name!"

I managed to get Elkay Kal as a name though.

You have an account called Elkay Kal?

Yeah. I used to pretend I was you.

Huh. Really?

Yes. Joined a role-playing group under your name too.

Well... Nice one...

Why did you hesitate?

Oh, nothing. I just owe Nuhvok a bottle of cola now. We made a bet as to who would try impersonate one of their brothers on a social media website first. I said it would be Kohrak impersonating Gahlok. I didn't think you'd impersonate me.

Oh, Kohrak's been impersonating you too. So does Phovos occasionally.

You all impersonate me? I ought to be flattered...

So, why are you down here?

Oh, that's right. I came down to ask if the teleporter tracker thingy was ready.

That thing? Yeah. It was ready an hour ago.

Should I go wake Kohrak and Engineer up then?

Take some more pictures, then go get them.

Okie!

So the stupid human is going home now.

How'dya tell?

Fake Texan accents don't suit you, Tahnok.

I know. I have a boring voice. I somehow sound rather feminine and slightly British.

I don't know the names of many human places.

You ought to. It's where we get our bottles of fizzy drink from.

Does he HAVE to leave?

Kohrak, Engy's got a job to do. His team's probably missing him!

I don't want him to leave. Can I go with him?

Not this time, but you can always visit him later...

Ya can always come stop by and say 'hi' to me, sonnyboy.

Engineer, do you have a Teleporter ready?

Yeah, but Ah built the entrance back at home. Ah need ta reverse the entrance and exit...

Or you could make both ends into an entrance or exit. I have an attachment for that in my room.

Or we could have done that in the first bloody place.

Sorry, forgot all about it until Engy mentioned it. I'll go get it.

Huh. So that was a waste of three or four chapters.

Got it!

Thanks, boy. Ah'll just attach that on and...

I love the way that folds out and builds itself.

It's amaaaazing, isn't it?

I think you're in love.

I may very well be...

Well, boys, it was lovely seein' ya!

Come back soon!

Bye!

Bye!

Good riddance.

Gahlok!

What?

Well, glad that's over. So, what now?

I'm gonna go get my laptop. And NOT play Team Fortress.

Wanna play Minecraft with me?

Sure!

Sure!

Yeah, why not, as long as Lehvak doesn't get Creative Mode.

[Phovos the Raptor]

Huh. It's quiet today. Very quiet. Nothing much is going on. It's a long weekend. And nothing is going on. I think I may have already said that. Never mind... Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I was talking about the long weekend. Three days of weekend-i-ness. That's cool right? Of course, it's kinda pointless to me. Actually, it's pointless to all of us. None of us Bohrok work really. Well, Tahnok does. And Kohrak has a weapon-making contract. But they both only work part time. This house was given to us. Well, I say given, we did actually pay for it a bit. Actually, we paid for six sevenths of it. The Queens gave us a hand and paid for the last sixth. I don't know why, we had enough money to buy the whole thing. Either way, we've got a nice house. Or, we would have, if we didn't spend our time blowing it up and then fixing it up again. Bloody Bahrag, we're so dumb. I just realised, I've been monologuing.

You done hogging the airtime yet?

Eh, I think so.

By the Bahrag, that was dull.

Well excuse me, I can't be funny all the time!


Lehvak manages it.

But Lehvak is a stupid little twit who never shuts up.

Really, being the Bohrok of Sound, that ought to be my job.

You're actually rather quiet.

Yeah... Although, you mentioned that we don't get paid or anything, you forget, you get a pension from the Stratos.

Oh, I forgot about that...

You shouldn't, it's what keeps us afloat. And it pays for all the holes in the walls.

Fair enough.

Eh..

So...

Erm...

So... Er, what now?

No idea.

Bleugh...

This is so dull.

Yeah...

I suppose it makes a change.

I'm actually enjoying the quiet now.

It's fairly pleasant.

And different.

I like it.


HAI!

Dag nabit...

[Phovos the Raptor]

Hey guys?

Yes... OH MY BAHRAG WHAT THE BLINKITY FLIP HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?

Oh, come on, it's not that bad.

NO SERIOUSLY WHAT IN KARZHANI'S NAME HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF? YOU'VE... YOU'VE.... AAAAAAAAAH!

Tahnok, you're overacting.

OVERACTING? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S OVERACTED SOMEHOW!

Tahnok, turn the Capslock off, please?

aaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAA!

Tahnok, jeez, stop screaming... What the flip?

It's not that bad.

Er... I have no words.

YOU SEE WHY I'M USING CAPSLOCK!

Yeah. Excuse me, I'm just going to pass out on the floor right here.

Guys!

I don't blame you, Kohrak. I nearly fainted myself.

Mmphh...

Wowee. He actually did pass out. Where's the camera.

No! No camera! Not until you tell me what in the Bahrag's name happened to you too!

You were like a millimetre away from swearing there.

CAN YOU BLAME ME? LOOK AT YOU TWO!

What is going on? All I hear is shouting and stuff... Oh.

Oh.

Oh indeed.

The only way to express my current emotion is via emoticons.

Dude, Emoticon still comes up as a spelling error.

SHUT UP ABOUT SMILIES. PAHRAK, GAHLOK, EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW BEFORE I...

Woah, calm down, Tahnok.

Yeah!

HOW ON EARTH DO YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN? YOU'RE... YOU'RE...

Matoran. Yes, we know.

Okay, I'm gonna pass out too. See you later guys...

Oh great.

EXPLAIN. NOW.

Okay Tahnok, it's really simple. We got sick of being Bohrok. And we heard that not all Bohrok were made on their own, but some of them were once Matoran. So we went to speak to the Bahrag, and after some discussion, they said that we could turn back into Matoran for a bit.

Wait, what?

I thought you were supposed to be unconscious.

I was. But what? So we can all be Matoran?

Oh no, not everyone. Only me, Pahrak and Kohrak can be Matoran. You guys were always Bohrok.

No way. I am NOT going to be a Matoran.

Kohrak, you were unconscious too.

Screw that. This chapter is too messed up for me to be asleep throughout the whole thing!

So, er, what is with the suit cases?

Oh, about that... We're going on holiday too.

WHAT?

It's bad enough you're suddenly Matoran, you're going on holiday too?

You try going on holiday as a Bohrok.

But there are LOADS of planets ruled by Bohrok with lovely beaches! I've been to them!

We just want to go to Matoran places. Maybe visit that new Matoran Agori city thing.

When will you be back?

Oh, probably just a week.

I JUST REALISED.

Tahnok, that capslock is getting old.

I'm sorry, I'm just in a state of shock.

Fair enough. What have you just realised?

T-They look like... Like Hewkii and Macku.

I think that is just coincidence. Anyway, our taxi is here. We'd better get going.

Yep! You four have fun while we're away. We'll bring back some photos.

And get me some nice ice cream.

We'll see.

Bye!




Okay, I'm confused.

I'm scared.

I'm worried.

I want ice cream. Always helps to calm the nerves.

You don't mind getting me some, do you?

Yeah, me too.

I'd like some too please.

Okay... I'm annoyed now...

What?

Not only have Pahrak and Gahlok abandoned us, turned themselves into Matoran and gone on holiday without us, without telling us...

What?

They've eaten all the ice cream.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dag nabit. Looks like we're going to the shops.

[Phovos the Raptor]

Ohkaaaayyy....

I hate going to the shops.

I'm the only one who ever goes to the shops. You all just stay at home eating all the food. Anyway, Nuhvok, you got the shopping list?

Why are they looking at us like that?

Who, the Matoran?

Why do you think, Nuhvok?

Surely they've seen Bohrok doing their weekly shoping before?

They normally only see me. And I'm much less threatening to them since everyone knows I got crushed by a tree.

Is that why you never buy broccoli?

I don't buy broccoli because no one ever eats it, it goes rotten in the fridge and slowly starts to ooze out of the kitchen and start attacking us.

Oh.

So, the shopping list?

Er... I left it at home.

Dummkopf. Back in a second...

Can I ask, since when has Tahnok been able to teleport?

Oh, ages. Turahk found a teleporting Kraata and Tahnok learned how to teleport by studying it.

I think Tahnok and Turahk are too... Close...

Oh come on, Nuhvok. They're friends.

You think the exact same thing.

True.

Back.

That was fast.

Duh. I teleported. So, what do we need? Hm... We eat so much junk food.

That's probably because we don't actually need to eat...

I'm gonna go to the ice cream aisle.

Can I come?

Sure.

Okay, me and Nuhvok will head for the biscuits and crisps aisle.

Screw that, I want to browse.

But then you just end up buying stuff we don't need.

We don't need anything!

Okay, fine, but you still end up buying useless junk. Not junk food. Stuff like lawn mowers and candles.

But Pahrak always uses all the candles.

Yeah but we don't have a lawn, so why do we need a lawn mower?

Oh... I suppose you're right... Erm. Those Matoran are looking at us.

They always do. Just ignore them.

It's kinda rude, isn't it?

Yeah... Hm, buy one get one free on chocolate digestives. I'll have some of those...

Why are you getting the cheap ones?

Because we're not rich, silly.

Or you're just tight.

Are you going to make everything into an argument?

Okay, sorry. I'll stop now... JAFFA CAKES!

Nuhvok, we don't need ten packets of jaffa cakes. They don't even have orange in them. It's apricot.

I want ten packets.

Just get two packs. They have a 40% off that brand there.

Wait, what do you mean, apricot?

Read the ingredients. No orange at all.

Wow. What a con.

Yep. Now, what flavour crisps do you want?

NOT salt and vinegar. NO ONE eats salt and vinegar.

Prawn cocktail?

Sure!

Hey guys.

Bloody Bahrag, that's a lot of ice cream.

We can't decide what flavour to get!

What do you have there?

Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, lemon, mango, apricot, orange, mint, pistachio, rose, masticha, bubblegum, raspberry swirl...

And you said I was bad...

You're forgiven, Nuhvok. Just get the Chocolate, Strawberry, Vanilla and Lemon and put the rest back.

Aw.

C'mon, I'm not made of money.

Yes we are.

Was that yet another Team Fortress reference? Kohrak, seriously!

Sorry

EMOTICON! AAAAAHHHHH!

Okay, where on Earth did Nuhvok go?

Home I think. Probably for the best. Let's pay for this shopping and head back.

You did bring money, didn't you?

Did you?

Of course I did. This isn't going to end up like most comedies where everything goes 100% wrong and we end up messing around trying to sort out some money. We're not THAT stupid.

Correction, YOU're not that stupid.

[Phovos the Raptor]

Well, I must say, that was an awful lot of fun there.

What was?

Going shopping of course! It was lots of fun! Browsing all the shelves and stuff, picking up the odd thing you fancy, all that stuff. Even checking out was quite amusing!

It's only really fun the first few times. After that, it's just tedious.

Do those Matoran always stare at you when you go shopping?

Pfft. Not all of them. The ones who do are just rude. I mean, you get loads of shoppers there, not just Matoran. They don't stare when Turahk does his shopping, or when Toa Jaller pops in for some tea bags.

Toa Jaller?

Yeah, you didn't hear?

That the leader of the Ta-Koro guard is now a Toa? Nope.

Yep. Apparently he got mind controlled by the Skakdi.

Are those the spiney creatures that smile way too much?

Yep. They're so creepy.

You talking about those Piraka creatures?

Yep.

Stop saying 'yep'.

Sorry.

So Turahk goes shopping there too? At Happy Matorashopper?

Yeah. Normally we meet up there for coffee.

You do? Where am I when all this stuff happens?

You're normally in your bedroom, singing or something, or making weapons. You don't really have a life.

I know... So sad... So, what are things like between you and Turahk?

I really like Turahk, he's a lovely guy.

Hahaha, now you sound like you're a school girl.

You don't even know what a school girl is.

No, that's Nuhvok.

Yeah. You forget, I've been travelling through Space-Time. I've met loads of school girls. And teenagers. And rather attractive human women...

Liar.

Yeah, you're right there. I'm not attracted to humans.

Erm.

Maybe we should change the subject before Lehvak starts suggesting that you're Turahk's girl friend.

HEY! Am not!

Are too. I bet you two have snogged.

What are you, three, Lehvak? Only babies use the word 'snog'.

I have not! Stop being cruel to me. I bought you ice cream!

Admit that you fancy Turahk.

I don't! I swear, I don't! We're friends! That's it!

Stop lying to yourself.

You're making me sad now.

Then you admit that you love Turahk?

Okay, I swear to you, on my life, on your lives, on our Queens lives, that I do not fancy Turahk at the moment.

But you might in the future.

Erm... Er... Well, if Turahk felt that he loved me or something... Or, like, erm, if he asked me out, I wouldn't say no...

YOU ADMIT IT!

That's not admitting to loving someone. That's just stating circumstances in which loving someone could become a possibility.

Stop making things un-fun.

No ice cream for Lehvak now.

Wha-? Why?

Because you're a meanie and I hate you.

Aw...

Actually, this is more fun than shopping.

[ZHX]

Well, here we go!

Spelling and Grammar:

Oh, you meant the edible sausage-like things?

Should be 'mean'.

This thing says that it has 5 hours left.

Use Roman alphabet. 'Five'.

Aw. : (

You know, you could just go *Action Here* instead of a smiley.

But they both only work part time.

'Part time' needs a hyphen.

Oh.

The dreaded emoticon. You could use some prose-y bits and describe his emotion.

Tahnok, that capslock is getting old.

'Capslock' needs to be separated into 'caps' and 'lock' or add a hyphen between them.

I'm the only one who ever goes to the shops.

'Whoever'. Gotta join the words.

Yeah but we don't have a lawn, so why do we need a lawn mower?

Comma needed after 'yeah'.

Sorry

The emoticon. But then again, you were basing a joke around it.

Anyway, those were the grammatical and spelling errors I could find ... not that hard to do, seeing that you pretty much have no prose and everything is dialogue. This also excuses some grammatical errors that I found, due to it being part of the characters' speech.

It's so difficult reviewing the spelling and grammar of comedies written in script format.

So yeah, you're rather error-free.

Rating: 90%

Plot:

From what I have seen, there is no real plot to your comedy, and each chapter doesn't really have much story to them other than the Bohrok rambling about random things, or playing video games, or in the more recent chapters, talking about random things while buying food at the supermarket.

Very Slice of Life. So, you pretty much have written a story that one would casually read if they were bored.

Rating: 80%

Humour:

Here we have humour, the most important part of a comedy. Well, disregarding plot that is. From what I have seen, most of the humour is derived from the inane Seinfeldian conversations between the characters. Usually there would be some more ridiculous events occurring around them to strengthen the comedic effect, but there aren't any in your story.

Not that a lack of ridiculous events is a bad thing.

Basically, your fic would work better in visual format, but it's a somewhat amusing comedy in text format as well.

Rating: 70%

Overall:

In conclusion, you have a decently written story. It can get a bit dull at times, but it does provide amusement to your readers. Of course, you have lots of room for improvement, and your fic has some decent potential, so try to capitalise on that so we can derive more enjoyment.

Final Rating: (90+80+70)/3 = 80%

[Phovos the Raptor]

Okay, first off, sorry for the lack of a reply. This text editor is being annoying. Anyway, I'll be off now. See you guys next chapter.

Wow! The beach! I don't like the beach. I hate it.

Then why did you say 'wow' like that?

Erm, I'm not sure. I just kinda did. I dunno. I've always kinda liked the beach because I destroyed one, but apart from that...

I need to teach you how to swim.

Dude, no you don't.

I do. You need to appreciate water and beaches and nature and all that stuff and learning to swim is one way of doing that. I'm gonna teach you how to swim.

Please don't.

Tough, you have no choice.

Yes I do! I have plasma powers!

Not at the moment, you don't!

Oh great... Fine. Whatever, let's get this over with. Teach me to swim. And then I force you to play TF2 with me when we get back home.

Speaking of which, I don't want to go home any more.

Huh? Why not?

I like being a Matoran. It's fun. No one looks at me funny or asks me to grab coins that they've dropped down holes and stuff.

But what about your magnetism powers? Do you not like them?

​NO! Do you know how many iPods I have broken? Way too many! It's all I do! Break electrical appliances! It drives Tahnok crazy and it makes me sad! I hate it!

It can't be THAT bad. C'mon, how much spare change have you fished out from behind the sofa and stolen from Nuhvok's pockets? All the cool tricks you can do? You're amazing at dinner parties! And remember when you did that spinning coin trick with those Matoran? They were so impressed!

I suppose, you do have a point there... And people do love me for my awesome powers...

See? You said it yourself! 'Awesome'! I mean, Gahlok, you have an awesome power. And you can use your powers to reflect fire! Not many beings can do that!

What, apart from ice and water and other similar abilities?

That's different. They extinguish fire. You can reflect it! And you still have all the normal water-based immunities and powers!

You know what? You're right, you're completely right.

I'm glad you see it my way.

Now, time to teach you how to swim...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And now, onto that review that you posted.

Well, here we go!

Spelling and Grammar:


Use Roman alphabet. 'Five'.

That's not the Roman Alphabet.

You know, you could just go *Action Here* instead of a smiley.

I do my best to actually avoid using *action here*. The whole point of the comedy is that 99% of the time, I ONLY use speech. These are transcripts, not prose or script.

'Part time' needs a hyphen.

Both are acceptable apparently.

The dreaded emoticon. You could use some prose-y bits and describe his emotion.

'Capslock' needs to be separated into 'caps' and 'lock' or add a hyphen between them.

My keyboard says otherwise. I just wrote it as it's spelt on my keyboard.

'Whoever'. Gotta join the words.

Incorrect. Who Ever was correct in this instance.

Comma needed after 'yeah'.

I missed a comma. Sue me.

The emoticon. But then again, you were basing a joke around it.

Then why point it out?

Anyway, those were the grammatical and spelling errors I could find ... not that hard to do, seeing that you pretty much have no prose and everything is dialogue. This also excuses some grammatical errors that I found, due to it being part of the characters' speech.

Plot:

From what I have seen, there is no real plot to your comedy, and each chapter doesn't really have much story to them other than the Bohrok rambling about random things, or playing video games, or in the more recent chapters, talking about random things while buying food at the supermarket.

Very Slice of Life. So, you pretty much have written a story that one would casually read if they were bored.

There is this idea that every comedy has to have a plot. That's not the case. If this was an Ask Us comedy, which it kinda almost is, you would not have bothered mentioning the plot. The whole idea is that these are discussions. Highlighting at a deep, intentional plot kinda hints that you didn't really get the comedy.

Humour:

Here we have humour, the most important part of a comedy. Well, disregarding plot that is. From what I have seen, most of the humour is derived from the inane Seinfeldian conversations between the characters. Usually there would be some more ridiculous events occurring around them to strengthen the comedic effect, but there aren't any in your story.

Who said that every comedy needs to be ridiculous. We're talking about 6 robots who do not understand life as we do, trying to live a life like ours. That is the ridiculous part of the story and I feel you missed that completely. Also, it is hard to judge humour. I find ridiculous comedy is, well, ridiculous. That's personal taste. You might not like it but that's your taste.

Overall:

In conclusion, you have a decently written story. It can get a bit dull at times, but it does provide amusement to your readers. Of course, you have lots of room for improvement, and your fic has some decent potential, so try to capitalise on that so we can derive more enjoyment.

You mean 'reader'. You're pretty much the only person who has read it. And apart from 'Get a plot', you haven't suggested how to make it better.

Comments in red, thanks!

Edited by Phovos the Raptor, Oct 06 2012 - 07:37 AM.

[ZHX]

We technically are using the Roman alphabet right now.

But anyway, I didn't actually try to hint at a deeper plot. I'm just saying that you're pretty lacking in cohesive plotty stuff. You don't need an overarching story, but there's pretty much no real plot to any of your chapters.

Of course, I never suggested for more ridiculousness. Just making a comparison to some other more Slice of Life-y stories.

I'm a reviewer man. I point out some flaws, make some quick suggestions, and your brain gets to making a super awesome comedy. I have no idea where you want your comedy to go, and what you want to do.

I just know that you really need at least the tiniest semblance of plot in your chapters. That is all.

By the way, you seem especially defensive.

[Toa Zehvor MT]

If you wouldn't mind me throwing my two cents in...(if you do, ignore the first three fourths of so of this post )

But anyway, I didn't actually try to hint at a deeper plot. I'm just saying that you're pretty lacking in cohesive plotty stuff. You don't need an overarching story, but there's pretty much no real plot to any of your chapters.

To be fair, there are some comedies that work well with a very well put together plot line, some that work well with a nonsensical bare bones story thrown in, and some that work well with no sense of plot whatsoever. I suppose where I will begin to agree with Gundam to an extent is the development of characters in and of themselves. None of the characters seem incredibly different from each other, and one of the main ways that character differences are developed is by putting the characters through different(usually bizarre) situations. Doesn't mean that the comedy has to be pie jokes and exclamation points all over the places...it just means that you don't really need any sort of complex plot line so long as some of the characters are a little more fleshed out.

Anyways, that's just my opinion. Don't feel offended by it, it's just a suggestion.

I do think the spelling corrections are a bit overboard, though. If the grammar was flat out terrible, sure, there's a reason to bring that up. Otherwise, it's rather nitpicky.

Moving on...to the actual review...

(You get chapters up really fast)

Last chapter's conversation was a bit more cohesive, which I thought worked well for keeping the discussion from becoming confusing(making the experience much more enjoyable). Gahlok-Kal's anger over magnetism was a humorous rant, it'd be interesting if that showed up again to annoy him somehow(perhaps while trying to play TF2 on a computer).

-MT

[Phovos the Raptor]

I can't believe that I'm going to say this, but I'm bored. And I'm annoyed at Tahnok.

Why's that?

He's so overly defensive of everything. Even this lame comedy where I keep on breaking the fourth wall.

Oh, you're being harsh. Even though he's dating a Rahkshi, he's always been very defensive.

You're not going to go and annoy him about that again, are you?

Not today. I decided to annoy him simply by eating all his cereal. But Tahnok's always been defensive. It's this insane idea that he's trying to protect us. It's a dumb idea. And he's dumb. Tahnok's always trying to be this stern leader type thingy yet be the nice, cool leader too. The guy has less personality than we do. And we don't even have personalities.

Surely we have some sort of personali-

Uh-uh, I'm not done yet. Shut it and let me monologue.

I'd rather we had a duologue. They're more fun.

No. I'm ranting. Shut it. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, I was ranting at Tahnok. He has no personality. I have some sort of annoying personality that everyone says they don't mind but secretly hates. Gahlok and Pahrak are just generic slow characters, but they surprised me with their last chapter.

Oh, you broke the fourth wall again.

That's Kohrak's job. He has to do it in every episode. But really, you look at us and we're all the bloody same! The only difference between us are our colour, eyes and shields. We have no personalities! We're just messed up Bohrok.

Methinks you're very much being like Tahnok today.

Yeah! Huh, wait, what?

With your ranting and stuff. Makes you sound like Tahnok. But with more squeakiness.

I do not have a squeaky voice.

Oh really?

Really. My voice is not squeaky.

You're an Egyptian river.

I'm not in denial.

Okay, let's put it another way. When you scream, Kohrak's ears bleed and all the dogs and raptors in the area start barking.

Can I get back to ranting now?

Yeah, sure, as long as you let us start to develop personalities.

[King of the Madness Isles]

As MT said, you post extremely fast, so I've only actually read the first chapter as of now. I'll catch up though. I remember reading your old comedy when I was just a guest (the diary one, sorry I don't remember the name, but it's been a while) and loving it. This comedy seems like another good one, and definitely a unique one. Good job so far.

[Toa Zehvor MT]

Oh, you're being harsh. Even though he's dating a Rahkshi, he's always been very defensive.

You're not going to go and annoy him about that again, are you?

Oooooh boy. Makuta's not going to pleased about that. Good luck to Tahnok if he ever marries that Rahksi: I hear Teridax is a terrible relative to have. Just ask Mata Nui.

Oh, you broke the fourth wall again.

That's Kohrak's job. He has to do it in every episode. But really, you look at us and we're all the bloody same! The only difference between us are our colour, eyes and shields. We have no personalities! We're just messed up Bohrok.

Methinks you're very much being like Tahnok today.

Yeah! Huh, wait, what?

With your ranting and stuff. Makes you sound like Tahnok. But with more squeakiness.

Coming to stores: The new Lehvak-Kal Squeaky Toy!

Excellent chapter, Phovos. This was by far my favorite so far. The dialogue was very well done, and even though you made the point that the Bohrok-Kal are all personality-less clones of each other...Tahnok-Kal got some excellent development here, especially now that he's dating a Rahkshi.

Hope that appears sometime. That would be hilarious.

KUTGW.

-MT

[Phovos the Raptor]

Why, thank you!

Oh Bahrag, why did you have to shout?

What's your problem now?

Well, you just shouted and now my ears hurt. And next door's pet canine is barking.

That's a point... Have we ever met our next door neighbours?

Didn't know we had any. If we do, great. I have a whole book of practical jokes that I need to try out.

Don't. You. Dare.

Actually, being the reasonable, sensible one here, I think we ought to go over and meet them. And at least give them a bottle of wine or something. We really must be awful neighbours.

Eh... I suppose you have a point. I just don't like change or meeting new people. Or practical jokes.

Don't look at me like that!

Oh no. Not again with the squeakiness...

But how on earth would we even begin to apologise to them? Our neighbours, that is.

Well, (once again being the voice of reason)...

You're always the voice of reason. You're the voice of everything. You bloody Bohrok of sound.

Plus, I heard that a monster lives there...

Don't be silly, Lehvak.

I mean it! I've heard banging and stuff there! Nasty growls and stuff!

Again, don't be silly, Lehvak. I've got super sonic hearing. If I didn't hear it, you're lying.

What sort of monster?

I don't know. I've never seen it.

Are you sure it's not Tahnok?

Huh?

Oh, about that... Yeah... Uh... Well...

After your comments about Tahnok and his boyfriend in the last chapter, me and Nuhvok decided that maybe we ought to, um, keep him occupied.

What do you mean?

He tried to kill you last night. Luckily I heard him and me and Nuhvok tied him up and put him in the cupboard. Unfortunately, he teleported off.

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

Oh, don't worry, you were asleep, snuggled up with your favourite teddy bear. I didn't know that you kept some of those silly squirting rings and false teeth under your pillow... But it's all sorted now. Tahnok's gone off to see Turahk and stay for a few days. And we'll probably be hearing about that in the next chapter.

You did it...

Don't say it.

Okay... So what about the monster next door?

Eh, screw them. I don't care.

That isn't very nice! We really ought to go over and at least meet them!

I'm not going. I'm going to stay here and be anti-social.

Fine. You stay here, me and Lehvak will go and visit them.

But what if the monster sneaks out and attacks Nuhvok while we go over and see if anyone's in?

The monster won't touch me.

But how do you know?

I just do. Shut up and go with Kohrak.

I don't wanna! It's scary! And it's night time!

Oh for the Bahrag's sake, it's 3pm. It's just getting dark earlier these days, you fool. Come on, whoever they are, they won't bite... Oh hey, lightning.

EEEEEEEEEEE!

Gah! Lehvak! You... Never mind. It's just a small storm. Anyway, let's go visit them. Whoever they are. If we don't go now, we never will.

I'd be quite happy with tha-

AAAAH! MORE LIGHTNING! TAHNOK'S BACK TO KILL ME!

Oh shut it. Tahnok's at Turahk's house, remember?

Um, I think I've changed my mind. I'll tag along with you guys.

Lovely! I'll just grab a bottle of cola from the fridge and maybe a nice pack of biscuits and we'll be on our way! You never know, they might be quite nice!

Stupid, optimistic Kohrak...

[Phovos the Raptor]

Erm, hi?

Ah, good. I didn't think you would come. I wasss worried that I ssscared you off...

Well, er, no... Erm... I don't really know what to say...

Are you sssscared?

No, not at all, Turahk. We've had plenty a cup of coffee in the supermarket cafe, but this is...

Different, yes yes?

Yes, different. I've never been invited out for dinner before.

Haha. I imagine that a little Bohrok like you doessssn't eat much more than just candy... Sssso, what have you been up to? I notice that your headssshield is a bit more sssshiney...

Er... Yes... I haven't hada very good few days. It's rather silly, now that I think about it. I attack my brother because he makes fun of our friendship, my other brothers hold me back, I run off and spend a few days at Phovos's house, and now we're here...

Phovosss... You mean the Raptor girl?

She's nice, but all she had to eat in her house was 10 kilos of sausages and twenty packets of insta-mashed potato powder. I meet you in the shop and you invite me out for dinner...

I love sssausssagesss... But I am glad that you came... It'sss lonely being a Rahkssshi. No one likesss me. I live in my cave and I ssstack sshelvesss in the Do It Yoursself ssshop down the road and I go ssshopping and that'sss it. You're like my only friend...

Are there no other Rahkshi you can make friends with?

No... Not any more... Mossst of usss are dead or mindlessss zombie thingsss... Have you ssseen the dessssssertssss up north? All thossse Rahkssshi are jussst dumb!

Like my brothers then.

Hehehehe! That'ssss funny!

Eh... Not really... I've noticed... I don't really get along with them any more. I see it in their eyes. They know...

Awwww... Don't be sssad! That'ssss my job!

You're sweet. People'd never know that Rahkshi could be so thoughtful...

Ssspeaking of ssssweet, that pudding wassss too sssweet... I didn't really like it!

I thought it was nice. I wasn't sure on the starter though. I thought it was rather offensive that they brought us of all people the wrong starters.

Yessss. Ssstupid Matoran... I won't be giving THEM a tip! Putting fried Kraata ringss under my nosstrilss?

That was really mean. At least the roast Hoto-Bugs were tasty.

True... Yesss... Excusssse me, Matoran, can we have the bill pleassse?

Of course, one second, sir...

Ssso, where do you want to go after thisss?

I know a lovely place where we can walk on the beach and watch the stars.

That, Tahnok, would be wonderful! I'm ssso glad that you came out with me.

I'm glad I came out too. This has been a wonderful evening. And I've learnt a lesson. I shouldn't worry about what others think of me...

Oh good. I'm glad that you are happy. Ssso, to the beach we go! After I've paid the bill of courssse...

Hehe...







Bloody Bahrag, that was a stupidly sappy chapter. Phovos, I'm ashamed of you.

Oh, get stuffed, Kohrak. You write the chapter next time!

[Phovos the Raptor]

So, we've decided to use this landmark post to write yet another chapter of this rubbish?

Yay! New chapter! And we're in it!

But we're heading home now. Holiday is over. Finished. Finito. Done. Over. Dead. Gone...

Pahrak, calm down. You're overreacting again.

Oh, sorry... Oh! Cookie!

You're seriously not considering picking that up and eating it... Oh Pahrak!

Omnomnom... Tasty!

You're sick.

Am not... Hey, what's that noise? Sounds like a bunch of Matoran watching a Kohlii match.

I never understood Kohlii. All they do is whack a ball or something around. Definitely a guys' game. It's way too much of a pain in the backside. I don't get why people like it so much.

Eaaaarggh... It's just a bit of fun, Gahlok!

So why in the Bahrag's name do they spend so much money on it? I mean, those Kohlii players make so much money! And what for? Whacking a puck around?

Hehehehe... Puck...

Don't you dare.

What? It sounds like Duck! I love ducks! Best animals around!

Good thing you don't know about...

Good thing I don't know about what?

Oh, nothing.

Okay then. Can we go and watch the Kohlii match?

Do we have to?

Gahlok, can we please go watch the Kohlii match please?

Grrr...

Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Fine. But afterwards we're going to a clothes shop.

Er, why?

Because I want to do something girly! I don't care if I don't wear clothes, I want to be feminine. There are far too few female characters in the Bionicle universe and I want to be female. I'm already blue, so why not?

Technically, Tahnok should be the female.

Oh, leave the poor guy alone! All you four do is wind him up and then you wonder why he gets angry and goes and does something stupid!

Whatever. Kohlii time!

Gargh...

Ohhhh! It's Ta-Metru VS that Agori team I don't remember the name of!

You really know your stuff...

What? It's been a while! But it's currently 3-2 and they need 5 to win! Last time, Ta-Metru won but the Agori team have been really practising! Oh! Who do you want to win?

I don't care. I just want to go home now.

Hey, random Matoran, who do you want to win?

EEEEEEEEEEEEE! BOHROK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

But that's not one of the teams!

AAAAAAH! RUN AWAY!

Just ignore them and watch the game.

Oh okay.

Anyway, my money's on Ta-Metru. They've still got some skill and a lot of fight left in them.

Yeah, that's what I thought. Did you see them in their last game? Brutal...

Yep, that was a great game!.. Hey! What's happening to the screen? It's all...

Er, Gahlok?

Move, now, before they find out.

Aw! Why do you always have to spoil our fun!?!

[Toa Zehvor MT]

THREE MORE CHAPTERS?!




Anyways, good triad of chapters. Kohlii discussion was pretty funny, as was integrating Rahkshi sssssluring into Tuhrak's voice.

Although I don't think I've ever heard of "get stuffed" as a retort...

-MT

[Phovos the Raptor]

I‘ve almost always used Get Stuffed as a retort, instead of swearing like I normally do. That kinda hinders Nuhvok‘s dialogue since he picked up swearing from BLU Sniper.

Glad that you both read them and liked them! I do my best to write achapter a day, and most chapters must be 400 words minimum.

[Phovos the Raptor]

Wait, let me get this straight... In the time it takes for us to walk out of the house and head over to see our neighbours, two whole chapters have happened? How does that work?

You obviously don't get the fine points when it comes to writing stupid comedies like this one. You see, all over the world, things are happening. Right now, as I speak, Rahi are being eaten, Matoran are working and Gali's probably flirting with as many male Toa as she can manage within the space of 24 hours. The world doesn't revolve around us. But to represent this in written form, you need to write separate chapters for these things, and then later link them together and say that they happened at the same time.

You've confused me further.

Maybe you're just dumb then.

Do we HAVE to go there? I don't want to be eaten by a monster! If I get eaten, who will remain to pull practical jokes on everyone? Who will be there to wind up Phovos and annoy Tahnok? Who...

Okay, Lehvak, shut up.

I have a valid point!

No, you don't. Shut it.

I doooo!

You don't. Seriously. First off, without you, the world would be a better place. Secondly, who on earth would want to eat a pile of metal like us? Come on! Enough dilly-dallying! Let's get going!

Wow. Google's Spell Check didn't underline Dilly-Dally...

That's weird... I thought Dilly-Dally was a made up word...

I should look it up in a dictionary.

Later, Nuhvok! You're just making excuses now! I'm going to knock on that darn door.

Eeep.

Knock knock! Anyone in?

...

No one's in. Let's go.

Shut it. I hear movement inside...

Hello?

Oh, hi!

Oh, erm, hello there! I'm sorry, but I don't believe in any Great Beings or anything like that. And I already set up a direct debit to most charities...

Sorry, we're not here for charity work! We're your neighbours!

Really? The lil guys from next door? Nice to meet ya!

Dude, he's scary... What is it?

Nuhvok! Don't be rude!

Nah, mates, it's okay! I seriously don't mind! Ya'shoula seen the Matoran who last stopped by here! They screamed and ran away!

That isn't very nice... Oh, by the way, my name's Kohrak-Kal, Kohrak for short. These are my brothers Nuhvok and Lehvak. I got three other brothers too but...

You guys are the Bohrok-Kal, yah? Awesome! I didn't realise my holiday home was next door t'your house! That's awesome! My name's Veekay. I'm not normally from here, I live on Threa, but I come 'ere for holidays! It's always sunny around 'ere!

Threa? I've heard of that place! Don't your kind normally live underground?

Yep, but I decided I wanted a holiday home. Y'know what? Come in! I'll make some coffee!

Lovely! We brought some biscuits and a bottle of cola. We weren't sure what to bring...

It's FIIIINE! It's lovely meeting ya! C'mon, sit on the sofas in the living room and I'll pop the kettle on! How d'ya take your coffee?

Black, please. I don't take sugar... Woah, this house is amazing.

I want to go home.

Go home then, you miserable git.

Fine, I will then!

I was being sarcas... Oh, he's gone. Sorry.

No worries, mate! Not everyone's the sociable type. My brother, bloody ######, he hates most people. So, Lehvak, how do you take your coffee?

Erm, I don't drink coffee... Makes me... Ill...

Oh... Okay... Ya want some water or something?

No thanks, I'm good.

Okie dokie! So, why so much time to come visit?

We honestly didn't even know that anyone lived here until a few months ago... And trying to get all six of us to a. behave and b. visit somewhere is nigh impossible...

Ah, understandable, mate. My bros are all the same. Silly buncha morons, they are.

Erm, sorry to interrupt you guys, but, Kohrak?

Yesssss?

Gahlok and Pahrak are back...

Oh lovely! I'll get a cake out!

CAKE!

[Toa Zehvor MT]

Wow, I managed to get a review in before multiple chapters were posted.

Really? The lil guys from next door? Nice to meet ya!

Dude, he's scary... What is it?

Nuhvok! Don't be rude!

Nah, mates, it's okay! I seriously don't mind! Ya'shoula seen the Matoran who last stopped by here! They screamed and ran away!

...what in the world...what kind of an accent is THAT?

No worries, mate! Not everyone's the sociable type. My brother, bloody ######, he hates most people. So, Lehvak, how do you take your coffee?

Erm, I don't drink coffee... Makes me... Ill...

Sounds like they get along about as well as the Bohrok Kal do.

Yesssss?

Gahlok and Pahrak are back...

Oh lovely! I'll get a cake out!

CAKE!

-MT

[Phovos the Raptor]

I say! That reviewer is mocking my accent! Not my fault I got a silly voice! Heck, you shoulda seen Lehvak! He's got a squeaky voice that can make Raptors cower in fear! I mean, if THAT ain't a scary accent, I dunno what is! Anyway, where is that cake... Oh yes... In the kitchen...

This Veekay's actually a nice guy, isn't he?

Erm, what are you doing here in the haunted house?

Hiya, Kohrak, Lehvak, creepy tall red person...

Hiya, guys. How was your holiday?

Ah! These must be your brothers, Gahlok and Pahrak! Nice t' meet you! You guys want some cake?

Oh, yes please!

Isn't this house haunted?

Bloody Bahrag, don't tell me that you believe that haunted house stuff too!

Lehvak said this place was haunted. I believed him. I guess I'm kinda gullible, really...

Aaaahhh, it's okay, mate! We all fall for silly jokes occasionally! I've fallen to a good few jokes in my day! Like when my brother Arkay gave me a gun for me birthday... Turns out, it only fired bubbles... And don't get me started on that exploding bubblegum...

Exploding bubblegum? I need to get me some of that!

Ignore him.

It's okay, matie.

No, seriously, ignore him. Lehvak's into practical jokes...

Oh... So, how was your holiday?

It was nice, actually! Spent our time on the beach! Golden Ga-Koro sands...

Lots of ice cream...

Fancy restaurants...

Nice hotel...

I wish you'd invited us along...

Yeah!

Look, Lehvak, cake!

OMG WHERE!

He really likes cake, doesn't he?

It's his addiction. I'm amazed he's not fat.

This is actually a really nice cake, by the way... I didn't know you could put lemon in a cake.

Glad you like it, mate! Me brother, Teekay, gave me the recipe. Ain't seen the poor thing in years.

Oh? What happened?

He got bullied then he disappeared. No one knows where he went.

That's a shame...

Oh Karzhani...

What?

We need to find Tahnok. We bullied him then he ran away...

That's not very nice...

Well, I say 'we', I actually mean Nuhvok and Lehvak... But we need to go...

Oh... Well, it's been nice meeting you...

Thank you, it's been nice. Maybe we can go out one day or something... But I'm sorry we had to cut this short...

No worries mate. Ya ever want to talk, me and my fake, possibly-slightly-Australian accent are here!

Aw, bye.

See ya round, Mr Haunted House Person!

His name is Veekay.

Yeah, well, I missed that bit...

[Phovos the Raptor]

Kohrak! Kohrak! Kohrak! Kohrak!

WHAT? Can't you see that I'm busy?

But you've been ignoring me for the last five minutes since that last chapter!

Because this is important!

But WHY? Tahnok's abandoned us all before! Why are you so worried about our smelly-Krana Rahkshi-Dating brother?

Because of exactly that! All we do is insult him and he's run away!

Dude, you just changed colour.

The darker colour implies how SERIOUS this is!

That's a lie, isn't it?

Okay, I admit it, I used the wrong colour. So sue me. Actually, don't sue me, help me find out where Tahnok's gone!

B-b-but I wanted to unveil the new banner that we made!

Didn't Tahnok make that?

Erm, yeah...

Exactly. Wouldn't it be nice to unveil the banner when everyone is here?

I guess so...

So you see what I'm getting at, right?

I don't understand why we need Tahnok to unveil a banner...

You guys are just not getting it! One of us has disappeared! We are not whole! We are... Dang... Lost my trail of thought...

Pfffft! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Get stuffed, Nuhvok. It's yours and Lehvak's thought that this has happened! You guys just kept on making fun of him!

But a Bohrok dating a Rahkshi is so funny!

That wasn't even true until a couple of chapters ago! And even so, that was just their first date!

Oh yeah, that was a nice chapter. It turned out that Tahnok was actually staying at Phovos's house rather than staying at Turahk's house. They'd actually never been to one another's house...

Actually, if you want to be more, erm, something... No one ever said that Turahk's ever visited this place before. Not confirmed.

You're getting off topic. Jeez... You're all morons.

And now you're name-calling. You stupid, tone deaf fool.

Hey! I can actually sing! Not like you! Or Lehvak for that matter.

Maybe we should calm down a bit...

Nope. I'm not done insulting Kohrak yet.

Aw.

... Pahrak's right. We need to stop arguing and find Tahnok. So, what's our course of action?

We could just follow the scent of Turahk's stinky Kraata...

I am going to bloody murder you.

Please do.

I thought we could phone Phovos... She might know what to do...

When did Phovos become female?

A couple of years ago, I think... Unless she's always been a woman... I dunno.

Good idea! I'll call her... Where's my phone?

Erm, I put it in Nuhvok's pie and he ate it.

AAAAARRRRGH!

Don't worry, I'll call her... Hm... Beep... Beep... Ah... Hello?... Hai, Phovos, it's me, Gahlok... Yes, how did you guess?... He's not there any more? Do you know where he went?... Hm... Oh... Okay... Oh, thanks... Quickly, before I go, how long have you been female?.. 'Go read The Phoviverse'?... Alrighty then... Okay, thanks, bye!

So?

So?

So?

Morons... OW!

Stop being such a dummkopf. What did Phovos say, Gahlok?

She said that Tahnok was staying there a few days ago but he left on Sunday. She hasn't seen him since. Phovos did say we could pop over and see if we can find any clues though...

Well, that's better than nothing! Come on, let's go!

Don't wanna.

Tough. You have no choice. You're coming. Or I get my mini-ray gun out and make you tiny.

Oh no...

So, we're all clear?

Yes.

Let's go!