4 replies to this topic

[_Artakha_]

The Tale of Hardex
This is the first story I've ever started writing down and saving, so Comments and Constructive Criticism are more than welcome.
Dramatis Personae
Hardex: Axonn's species. A member of the Hand of Artakha for a short time before it was disbanded, joined the Order of Mata Nui a few years after it was formed.
Radeeka: Vortixx. A member of the Order of Mata Nui. Her past beyond that is unknown as of yet.
Xylax: Skakdi of Psionics. Main bad guy of the story. However, he is not have any powers yet because Spiriah's experiment has not yet occurred. He is unusually intelligent for a Skakdi, being able to use Kanohi.
Green armored Skakdi guard: Skakdi of Air. Also not able to use any powers at this time. He will be important in a later chapter.
Helryx
Hydraxon
Skakdi Crew: Bad guys, as you may have guessed.
A few Vortixx

I will edit in new Characters as they appear in story.

Edited by _Artakha_, Oct 30 2011 - 11:28 PM.

[Po Koro Productions]

epic story, keep it up. It might even rival mine

PKP

[Cederak]

You're off to a decent start. No noticeable problems with grammar or spelling. Spacing dialogue would be nice, though I suppose it isn't required. More of an aesthetic really. Anyway... Characters are good, though their description could use some work. And some color. I had no idea Hardex was red until Radeeka said something about it.

In terms of story, I like the sense of rising action so far. It'll be interesting to see what happens next.

-Ced

[_Artakha_]

You're off to a decent start. No noticeable problems with grammar or spelling. Spacing dialogue would be nice, though I suppose it isn't required. More of an aesthetic really. Anyway... Characters are good, though their description could use some work. And some color. I had no idea Hardex was red until Radeeka said something about it.

In terms of story, I like the sense of rising action so far. It'll be interesting to see what happens next.

-Ced

Good point about the color... I MoCed both of them and am writing off of that. Am I allowed to link to the pics?
MoC topic for Hardex

[Cederak]

You're off to a decent start. No noticeable problems with grammar or spelling. Spacing dialogue would be nice, though I suppose it isn't required. More of an aesthetic really. Anyway... Characters are good, though their description could use some work. And some color. I had no idea Hardex was red until Radeeka said something about it.

In terms of story, I like the sense of rising action so far. It'll be interesting to see what happens next.

-Ced

Good point about the color... I MoCed both of them and am writing off of that. Am I allowed to link to the pics?
MoC topic for Hardex

Yeah, linking to pics is fine. Though it might be better to edit the first review post and keep the link there. The thing about writing though, even if you have images, is that your writing should assume the pictures are never viewed by your reader. It reminds you to make description very important. Not that I'm against MOCs or anything - I once MOCed several characters for a saga of stories on the old board.

-Ced