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Today is #810nicleday and so I thought I might use this opportunity to visit this old place to once again share some of the artwork that some fantastic folks have done for the campaigns I run over in the BZPGOT Discord server! But first things first: an invitation. If you're interested in potentially participating in any future games (or simply want to hang out with other Bionicle fans), you can click the invite link to join us! Anyway, onto the art. Today I wanted to highlight the series of covers that I commissioned for Verdant Wind two years ago. If I've done it right, you should be able to click the image to see a higher resolution. Verdant Wind was the ultimate culmination of five years' worth of stories. It served as a grand finale for every character and story that had appeared up to that point, and to celebrate the occasion, I commissioned several covers for it. The first cover, done by @TBK, is the official cover of Verdant Wind. It features the leaders of three player factions standing off against the game's main antagonist, with the broken pieces of my own NPC's mask in the dirt behind them. The first variant cover, done by @ToaTImeLord, features those same player characters standing off against each other - fitting, as Verdant Wind brought them back into conflict before bringing them together. The second variant cover was done by @xccj. In addition to the leaders, this cover features much of the other player characters - those who made up the core cast of the Edge of Dawn arc. The third and fifth variant covers were done by some of my IRL friends (and yes, that fifth one is watercolor!). Both feature the faction leaders. The fourth variant cover was done by @ZippyWharrgarbl. Like Xccj's cover, this one features much of the player cast, with a couple cameos and secrets sneakily inserted as well. The sixth variant cover was done by @Jakura Nuva. It features the three player faction leaders being crushed beneath the game's main antagonist. The seventh variant cover is a unique one; I commissioned it later than the others, as Verdant Wind reached its halfway point (and the big twist that would come with it - one that ultimately united the entire game world together). @Akaku: Master of Flight did a fantastic job bringing it to life; it features a set of characters who together represent every era of the games up to that point, working together. The eight variant cover is also unique. I am responsible for the design, but I take no credit for the artwork used - that's all TBK and Akaku. Anyway, that's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed!

Good Dawning, dear comrades! And by golly, the months melt by. I must so apologize for lack of coherence to reply well to such goodheartedness received here, unimaginable appreciation and thanksgiving to each of you! I owe so much to this site, the little, so-loved Lego city! A little homelife hurricane-eye era gallery I forgot about. Started sketch March 2022. I was shedding raretears after a dead-end doctor visit while drawing it, if I’m honest. But I lived through a lot more than I ever would have believed, thankfully! Picked up and completed this year. Cards printed from my zebra drawing-I think these were thanks cards for birthday gifts? Fixatif-ing old art because eventually I find out how to do things…sometimes... . A flooring scrap and thin cutting board travel artpad that I never anticipated using in the situations that swiftly followed. I can confirm it’s rather worn out now. I somehow had my scanner resolution so rough it’s barely discernible, but maybe it’s for the best given the story here. I decided to draw my distant aunt’s Anatolian shepherd, Tippy, as a thanks gift, as out of the ocean blue(?) she sent a gift. Then another gift, which was very generous… and looking back this was uncanny given what wrongs were going on at home, then I was blocked on social media, though no interaction was ever exchanged, only mailed christmas cards and felt ornaments and occasional like posts from family I didn’t see. I guess I don’t have an aunt anymore, or anyone on that side?. Sadly, strangely, sorry-ingly. I guess I’m grateful to never have been allowed to attach or interact prior, the separation would hurt more? It’s an odd thing, to become aware of mourning something you never genuinely had. So nice to say “Aunt, uncle and cousins!”- Like beloved characters in a book. You hear about them, know their happenings at length, but can’t quite access their world. I liked believing it, the belonging that goes along with it. So I’ll appreciate that time of that pretend. (PS Cannot recommend hammock-lapdesk art, poor posture choices on my part and promptly abandoned, haha. ) I am unsure if this was instinct, or if it was a blessing before its time. For around four years we’d stored some very filthy inherited possessions in attic totes. Platters, china, statues and odd trinkets brought back from my mom’s family home for safekeeping, in light of the place sitting in an abandoned state of disrepair half a day’s drive away. I decided it was time my mom got to enjoy them! Funny metal fluff to get off the tar. Do you play Cinderella when you scrub stuff? Or perhaps a Bohrok? A great gear to turn the wheel of cheer! 🎶 Ah, those good old days when we were useful... Suddenly those good old days are gone Ten years we've been rusting Needing so much more than dusting Needing exercise, a chance to use our skills! 🎶 For mother’s day decor, 2022. No idea if I posted this prior! 🎶 She's our guest! Be our guest! Be our guest! Be our guest! 🎶 Ivory ponies, polished for bro’s home (apartment, in actuality)! And statuary with dust undeniably scary. My grandmother’s whole house was once engulfed in this. I do think there must have been some kind of inkling of impending doom driving a lot of trying to invent special, for-mom happiness. My efforts seemed to further ignite an explosion from another element, upsettingly. Right there in the lower rooms, the heirlooms sat ready as the tumultuous, unexpected trek took place. When family lacks, but grandfather’s monkeybank with a snack has your back! 🎶 With your meal, with your ease Yes, indeed, we aim to please While the candlelight's still glowing Let us help you, We'll keep going 🎶 Fast forward to October, as such scenes seem better in-order. A barn box, caulked and reclaimed-painted. We found a big branch to put up my human swing here! Over the past couple years at our old house, I started swinging daily by the duckpond for some form of physical activity/fun/pain distraction because of weakness and joint pain/not being able to walk or stand much at all. Of course the baby couldn’t just sit on the ground here, wouldn’t be prudent! And a read-tree for dear Mum, where she may sun her silken coat, so pretty plum. Red shirt/dress may or may not be my Winnie the Pooh dress from when I was a human child. Still more than just a bear, btw. It was soon discovered that my swing was in fact to be Mum’s also, though. I fast found out I couldn’t propel it anymore. I hadn’t noticed I was shallow-shuffling instead of stepping. I was so busy pretending to be well, not able to use the wheelchair in the condition of this house, absent-mindedly on plaquenil and painpills, in knee braces because I had a home to build and clean! I was just sitting there on the swing after a few kicks and my legs sat immovable. I couldn’t get my feet off the ground or slide them into shoes all for days. That ability returned but not the full lifting of lower legs/stepping. (In brackets due to medical/disease content, my apologies if disturbing, not sure if I should/how to use spoiler tags anymore) [ Five days from swing setup, neurology did the EMG and skin punch biopsy to evaluate the pre-fleeing ambiguous disease progression numbness. Also, they noticed my toe-lifting paralysis that seemed to upset them, a progression which had escaped me.The tests involved probing the leg nerves with a zapper tool and measuring the reaction. It appeared similar to an ultrasound. Then they took two BB-sized skin biopsy samples from my leg with a hole punch. They said the results took a few weeks. And I was prescribed Gabapentin for sleep and pain. That had the reverse effect and made me rather lobotomized, unable to feel my body and terribly sad. Also, hello hives! Very much a personal-refuser of the mind altering medications, this is the closest encounter I’ve had to one. The medical daytrip/appointment/procedures done late last are a blur. Casually showing up there like a normal, civilized chronically ill human when in reality refusing to take a single day off renovation attempts with reckless inspiration. There are some things they need not know, haha I lost count of the amount of diagnostic GI procedures I’ve had at this point, the last one was in late August and I think it must have been the 6th one in 14 months? Two full years now since the really high tTg IgA test. I told them at the time Celiac certainly did not add up and no change was happening even with dietary omission. Two and a half years have passed in a state of extreme undernutrition due to the sickness. We have no idea how I'm still living like this. Tests, baffled doctors, more baffled doctors, ERs, other specialists, blood draws, scans, referrals, genetics waitlist, being *diagnosed with hypermobile EDS and UCTD, Retests, problems being found but still not Celiac. So thankful for Duke financial aid. The auto-released biopsy on this most recent EGD again confirmed that this wasn’t Celiac disease, so I am grateful to say I was able to stop force feeding myself 4 slices of bread a day, as it is always followed by fevers, face flushing and writhing. In January I finally had a follow up. Apparently I was correct that this is not Celiac disease, not a return of Alpha-gal or another allergy and it is actually something neurologically-related. A mystery systemic disease. The two year-ago genetics referral at UNC hospital is now canceled because they are overfilled with Ehlers-Danlos patients and rejecting the people who were waitlisted two years ago. My tonsils & adenoids are gone for good, thankfully no tonsil stones/infections now, however, the extremely thick mucus that causes the throat soreness did not go away as hoped. In January I contacted neurology about the forgotten biopsy results and got diagnosed with small fiber neuropathy. There aren't enough nerves in my legs. Systemic autonomic dysfunction is suspected. But SFN seems more of a secondary disease, and they are not definitively sure what the root disease(s?) is. And this shouldn’t be causing bilateral foot drop. *In light of the overall progression, the diseases I was diagnosed with last year are now being reconsidered as rarer/different/more serious things than anyone thought. Not that they told me, I stalk the visit notes. Now there are tons of specialist tests coming up like cardiology, GI, rheumatology, possible ASD testing (that I personally requested because of the realization that I was weird/have some cognitive/social/learning quirks, its genetic significance, having a sibling with it, etc.) this year. The January 15th stroke-like neurological blood vessel paralysis emergency thing was like no other ER visit I’ve had before. The 7ish other trips in my life were acute, life threatening, temporary things. This did lasting damage and I was discharged as no one at the local or Duke hospital was sure of the cause. That day has split my existence in half. We were advised after a 3 am phonecall to drive to Duke ER for hyperswollen left foot, I collapsed paralyzed in the passenger seat on the way and local ER paramedics had to remove me and evaluate the situation there. I could hear everything, but my whole body was like a corpse and I couldn't move or speak. Awkward when your mom is signing paperwork and the doctors are like "Who is this? No idea what her name is" They CT'ed my head, and immovable hours later, I heard them saying I was discharged without diganosis, they were scared to do a spinal tap, and to follow up with Duke. I still couldn't open my eyes or move most of my body and my mom had to shovel me into a wheelchair and checkout. They forgot to evaluate my gigantic foot. We went home, I slept for a few hours then, still being very numb/semi paralyzed and swollen, we made the daytrip to Duke ER, who did imaging of the foot and dischargeded me with permission to add more OTC painkillers to my life, lidocane patches for my giant limp foot, and to follow up with my specialists as they had no idea what was wrong with me. My left foot is still bluish and swelling, and both legs go randomly limp, icy cold and blotchy on and off now. My whole body lost feeling, I cannot feel thirst, and getting in over 16 oz a day is a painful and rare accomplishment. Eating has been reduced to a few small bites daily to try to keep myself alive somehow. Sleep is in random couple hour intervals, which makes it surprising when I hear what day of the week it is. I am so glad the total paraylisis wasn't permanent-I cannot imagine having paralyzed hands or eyes. Take the legs, take the feet, they can't create, just not the hands please, haha! The spine involvement is new, I had to unexpectedly see neurology again a couple weeks ago for it. They forgot about weighing me prior, as a (non-paraylzed/short-distance ambulatory) wheelchair user and did not realize how bad this was getting. Instead of unexplainably maintaining and frequently gaining weight, I’m losing again-20lbs down from one year ago when I was already at the edge of underweight-all in the past few months. Not ideal when eating and drinking cause extreme illness and idiopathic anaphylaxis that worsens with epinephrine. So this trip thankfully led to getting me new genetics referrals to different clinics and a neuromuscular doctor. Guessing this is good because the autumn ENT doctor was concerned about ALS due to the throat strings and neurological abnormality. At the time I was happily unaware of what that disease was. So now is the time to “survive to the next appointment, hopefully” and spend the days/nights creating things, as always. Abundant audiobooks, and comforting and cheery Christmas music. Sometimes I feel a little like how the orchestra band kept playing on the night of the Titanic, but then I remember an encouraging ex-doctor patient in a power chair at Duke whose diagnostic path of Myasthenia Gravis took ten years. I’ve only been a full time lab rat for the past two and a half, ambiguous sick/disabled (without much early investigation) for over half my life now. In late 2019 when I began crashing again, I was crazed for a cure. Those prior two years post-PICU of trying to be normal and healthy and getting to eat all the fabulous foods was such a treat! I ponder how it must feel to possess a prognosis, or the power to plan. If I merely live to get an answer, I would feel rich. And I will proudly proclaim that a major life goal of mine is eating, hahaha. I do so wish my mom had a family- It's just my faraway bro and I...and, unfortunately that one past-many-years-incarcerated uncle who we hope won't get out of prison this fall...y i k e s. She's had to deal with all my medical drama alone... But life is still lovely, there are little things of beauty in all if you look close enough. I do think happiness is an inside job. ] Some small efforts put forth in order to retrain my art amnesia-brain! Done in December 2022 to a cozy comfort audiobook and Cladrite radio. I do adore pretend time traveling and brain roleplaying, such fun to be a magazine illustration fine artist in the 1930s-1950s when the fancy strikes. Painting these, in truth, felt as an internal battle because of the practical-or-nothing-at-all predicament that 2022 sent. Painting seemed..improper so soon after, almost pointless-but thank goodness for the motivation of doing it for someone else. Maybe that’s the secret joy in doing any and every thing? Who is it done for, and the love behind it? Tis for me, that feels like truly living. Mini scenes, 3x3” cardboard canvases. Sneak peak of barnchair, woven with care. First try on this, had the canvas squares sitting idly for years. My grandmother’s generous gifts of art supplies live on. Pencil sketch covered in acrylic paint and gloss glazing medium. I “should” probably watermark some of these, but oh well. And maybe blur my signature but eh, doesn't really matter. Going to blissfully believe in the morality of humankind instead, I haven’t the energy to worry. Low res-resized version of scan, it appears. Painting times: Baby: 6.5 hrs Girl: 13 hrs Deer: 6.5 hrs Reindeer (if I recollect correctly)?: 7.5 hrs Chipmunk: 7 hrs Birdy: 7 hrs For my mom’s Christmas gift. I credit her completely with forming my art obsession, I wonder if she knows that…I’m afraid I never thanked her prior, oh my. All those splendid art history books and children's drawing books, that dearest impressionism book of unrivaled beauty and dashing colors, the craft-centric homeschool curriculums that danced across my child kingdom- all at the kitchen table in that sacred morning sun. She covered its wallpapered wild ivy walls with my paint splattered scrolls and sketched scrawls. Something odd began happening recently, in light of meeting a few individuals for art transfer. They wondered when I started drawing.. I felt a fool because it never consciously occurred to me that people ever stopped drawing. All children I’ve seen are creators. Maybe artists don’t grow up? Hope they don’t have to, I’m quite afraid of such heights. So soon, If all is well, I can freely photodocument and publish my professionless-and proper-product-less projects that paperwork presently prohibits!I am glad to further discover how the less one has, the more unconventional uses for other objects appear. ‘Till then: Drawings! Gratitude echoes over my very being over the luxury of getting to do art again. Lapdesk Land doodles. Some of these were unrequested ones for BZPers, and other random victims of my art endeavours, so I feel odd/guilty about posting them.... My apologies if unacceptable… Please let me know if any would want them taken down and I shall gladly do so! Graphite sights: Anatolian puppy, one of the first tiny attempts to remember how to draw. (September) 12hrs, 8x10 as I actually began googling standard art sizes. My brother’s Japan research trip. How was that half a decade ago? (September/October?) Car art of a family photo for my mom. Started in September when summoned to show up for a scary Social Security “prove you are sick, please” interrogation because of the new need of insurance and never having had income. I never noticed I was considered disabled until recent years. My mom never made me feel like I was, being homeschooled since forever helped this, I guess! Standard small photograph size, whatever that is. Public domain peoples! 8x10”, 8hrs. A memorial of a Facebook church acquaintance’s pet, pit bull Boo Boo. 8x10” Anatolian, another attempt! 10hrs? 8x10”. We found this poster on our front door once getting back from the ERs on January 15th. Impressive determination considering our yard is gated and farm-fenced! I collapsed on the couch treasuring this task. The dog owner did find their furry friend again! And introduced us to a local children’s charity runner friend. It was initially started by her rare-disease daughter. So I tried to draw her, 13hrs, 8x10”. Then it occurred to me I knew of one other similar children’s cancer charity, so drew the girl who founded that one, for fun. 17.5hrs, 8x10” Shoutout to my mom’s art delivery services! And a bit of a rough one as my accuracy and speed is absolutely unpredictable and pain-dependent. 8x10”, 16hrs. Quadriplegia violinist from IG, I need to muster the brain power to ask about mailing this one. (Property of BZPers below) 8x10” , 8.5 hrs 6x8”, 5.5 hrs 9x7” , 13.5 hrs 8x6”, 13.5hrs. Trying to improve at people's portraits, proportions I do struggle with. My method is to do a light sketch focusing on the angles, then going back over that, erasing and mechanical pencil detailing down from the upper left side so I don’t smudge it. Then fixatif spraying and cutting to-size. I seriously need to thank the pastor who supplied this orphaned tilting lapdesk from their church gym, the hours of joy and purpose it has provided are inexpressible. Moving back to one’s hometown is funny. The one family I was fortunate enough to call my (only) childhood friends is still around. Drawn for her mom while she was gone on a missionary trip. 8x10”, 20hrs. My mom adores old-fashioned paper calendars (only the finest ones from Dollar General, haha), and I’m quite fond of their picturesque vignettes. I fell for this feathered friend and had to fashion an embroidery lookalike. Plumped it up a little. It’s a pleasure to stitch rainbow plumage and other colorful crafts in between the graphite-gray sketching. Keeps the immobile insomnia hours vibrant events. 38 hrs total, framed it (Yay for spray paint and barn-find frame) instead of making it a pillow. Initially for my mom’s Christmas gift, but upcoming mother’s day makes more sense for her new-old home’s wall art needs. An uncanny color match to my grandmother’s lamp. It fit in our scanner! Wrapped and sticky leather taped it onto heavy cardboard. Craft collection! Truth be told, I’m torn on what to post, project-wise. I want to wait on posting the home decor stuff as it makes more sense to show it with the whole room, so we wait. My mom loves heartleaf philodendron plants. Historically her houseplants ended up getting suspiciously knocked off the surfaces where they sat, and she gave up. With funds for foliage now as the only barrier, I decided a few pseudo plants would make the shelves merrier. For Valentine’s day, since they are conveniently heart-leaves I didn't have the proper supplies or a way to get them, so the base was a wood-cutting ripped old shirt I’d remade from an old shirt. Used a similar method as last year: fusing two cotton layers together with spray adhesive, ironing and cutting out. Sewed leaf creases down each one and smothered them in glazing medium for stiffness. Cut around the edges again for a smooth finish. Scalp massager (???) and pipe cleaner base. Tied on with green yarn. Ginormous cardboard tubes, old shoe foam and laces, and upholstery swatches for “planters”. The superglue I used to attach the fabric to the cardboard started smoking when I pressed it together. No spontaneous combustion has occurred so far. Definitely not one of my greatest creations, but passable from a distance. *real ladybug lounging on leaf* And gratitude greetings from owl arts, little laminated prints.. Recycled partially from gift bags. Going to pretend that the printer ink wasn’t too red on some, and this was intentional. Scrunchies for my mom. Octo-O’s, balloons windblown, done into donut bundles because why not? And assembled the pants for my mom I’d cut out in the basement last year and abandoned. Maybe these will be for a Christmas gift, stashed and waiting for now. Basic bakes and birthday bakebox gifts. Butter, beautiful butter! In other news, I’ve just last week figured out how to organize the kitchen to be much more wheelchair accessible! It's worlds less exhausting with appliances on lower surfaces and a folding card table for a low countertop. Figuring out wheelchair life is new in itself. I started using part-time at the former home in January 2022 as the mobility/pain/weakness issues worsened. That house wasn’t very easy to drive it in, with the rooms being much smaller and closer. Once we were given no choice but to leave in May, so began the season of painful staggering. This new-old home is perfect for rolling with all its hallway loops and long rooms now! I love it here, endearingly old and unusual. Handkerchief head scarf bandanas for my mom’s coworker, as she kindly sent one to me as the color wasn’t her preferred. I think that wraps up the majority of neglected knick-knacks and novelties and my endlessly talking about my mom being awesome, haha. Looks like I’ll be making a collection of current yellow-thing-projecting for next time. My mom made my whole life with a birthday gift of this baby. One with feet, what a treat! Wishing everyone a happy week! Also, I've patched this thing together in Google Docs again and haven't a grasp of if the images upload too largely as a result, apologies and will try to remedy if so! Or if my brain can form sensible entries anymore 🙈

And/or the usual "hey world! I'm still alive!" post So where have I been? Mostly busy with life, and finally with a stable internet connection at my PC so expect some more activity from me, I guess. Occasionally, anyway. Other than that, I missed this place, a lot. And can't help but get nostalgic about the old times of lots of daily activity. Regular display name changes, especially around April 1st (my, what a coincidence) or with whatever tiny trend floated by. (On a side note, I'm delighted to see that the old emoticons are still around. Love these ) Hope you're all doing well! I'll see you around. ^^

OoOoh, sweet September salutations! Fantastic Fall to all! Where to start? Is it being to real to reveal that I’m blogging from the floor? It basically became the disabled diaries here somewhere.apologies to all if I’m too real/honest and for my punctually pitiful proofreading. Oh well, of current creativity I come to tell! “You are literally Buddy the Elf” ~my mom’s reaction to what I do while she’s at work. Watermelon! From when my mom had to pay for tree removal due to their closeness to the home. I asked for the slice of tree, she kindly hauled it to the basement for me. Leftover house paints and mixes, leather jacket seeds. Now all-season shelf porch decor. Melons are Luna & Shasta attractant, apparently. Do you truly love your brother unless you visually yell at him (translation: excessively photo spam) him at all hours about your shenanigans? My slightly sloppy hanging of my Tangled +Baby Yoda 2021 dress, done for the upstairs hall wall. Clothes gently embroidery thread tied to base. From the leftover plastic from the display-dustoff covering my wings recently. White base is an old fleece throw, coversewn in an extra sheet, hung with mini-nails. *the only context in which I shall get my nails done* While bad blood pressure bumbling about I made some fall decor starting September 1st! *Vince guraldi trio jazz echoing about* inspired by me actually being forced to leave the home (doctor visits, hotel stay overnight, thus frolicking in Target and hugging every weighted plushy I could see with glee) and seeing fall stuff. Fall frolic frenzy for my mom who never had any decorations before! So many things she’s never had, like adequate house things, being unable to access the family bank account prior due to oppression. Onto a new era, where she is the queen! Still somewhat in the zone of making stuff for the home as this one was Full of Nothing. Especially exciting because my mom adores fall and Thanksgiving the most. She mourned the overlooked holiday, last year was tough, and twas time for a change! Have to chase those sunny spots of life, the sweetness through the spice! I have come to realize I’ve made our home look like a children’s library! Or an elementary school?. Do they look like this? UNC children’s hospital-school did decorate beautifully and I loved it. School there was great, 2 hours of Real work. And more often the more exciting options of: “a storyteller is here”, or “a bird man has brought you all owl pellets and has an owl with him” or “an elusive, actually employed marine biologist has brought live sea creatures to pet” or “a traveler has brought a giant circle of African drums ready to be played” or “art teacher invites all to draw a cartoon turkey” or “headband making event on floor 6!” “want to go check out the library on the 7th floor?” These amazing souls made my hospital-hostage situation unbelievably happy 🧡For the record, they let me keep my owl pellet bones (Sorry, nurse Danielle, if you’re out there..for you having to touch them..) and they are in our Lindt truffle Christmas ornament to this day. Leetle mouse skeletons. In a plastic bag though, I’m not a barbarian. Little frying pans for the alien children (mom bought measuring cups, they look too much like cast iron not to borrow for photos!) Aunt J’s hand me down blanket, little beanie baby ferret, pillow swaddled in aunt X’s orange scarf gift. I save all the greeting cards for recycling, this wreath was on one and laminated + little leaves. Masks saved and laminated from last year’s Amazon toy catalog. Must keep my Children clothes in trash, of course. Pumpkins posted prior by the wood stove. Extra carpet tiles from N&W/renovating saved for a fall rug color pop. I was last monthish years old when I realized the point of pillow covers we so they could be seasonally switched out. I had NO IDEA! Pillow covers made from pumpkin colored jersey sheet & matching Macra lace swatches. Now my mom can match the pillows when wearing the recent macaroni-necklace-quality dress as all normal humans aspire to. Buttons from grandmother’s old shirt. Pillowcase and Aunt X’s gift scarf strewn over furniture shoulders for color! Laminated leaves! Library vibes! Did not have a plan as usual and happy happened. Mid falling asleep I had an epiphany (to me): Cut up the vanilla (translation: Manila) envelopes into print paper dimensions and print monochrome maple leaf outlines on them! MS paint to the rescue. Worked happily, I added leaf veins on the backs with a sharpie. Then I found wrinkly orange tissue and got to chopping some from that, each with one simple center thread noodle. Cut, cooked & cut. The plumbing supply barnfind pumpkin from last year, & lil handmade leather returns. Wreath gold chain add-in because ideas were not flowing. Smol doll made by a wee-me as a stocking stuffer for my mom. Redressed in clothes made for my Lammily doll long ago. The company that stole my photos of my kid-created doll fashions I posted from my mom’s account (I often disclosed this because people kept trying to buy my creations), in a fan-made handmade Lammily FB group. And used the photos in ads on their foreign distributors’ doll buying sites. I accidentally discovered this myself by going on their worldwide distributor’s site to see if new releases were up in other countries first. I was shocked to find my doll photos & fashions all across them, along with a few other members’ and Etsy sellers. I, confused and crying, publicly exposed this on the group. Then the Lammily designer himself, his family members, and his PR/salesperson all joined the group suddenly and began posting. Fans were furious. I, an oblivious kid creator, busted the crowdfunded Lammily company by chance. For stealing children’s doll photos. My awesome brother wrote a cease and desist letter and we sent it. The stealing stopped and the photos were removed. The creator and their gang still stalk that group to this day. This kind of ruined the doll I’d once loved for me (I even rerooted my 2 dolls’ hair with Saran doll hair, one tiny strand at a time. The original hair was so poor quality and became a frizzball), but I had dreamy design times with her over many insomnia-sick nights, and learned from experience why people use watermarks on their photos! Maybe one day I’ll drag out some of those miniature project pictures/or retake and post here. This was how I first got into leather shoemaking, just 1/6th scale. Then Alpha-gal allergy hit months later and we had to pack up all my leatherstuff. Had a scrappy carpet tile, turned into a twisty stick tub with pumpkin beady tuft thing. Because that’s what you do in Fall. You home-alone wheelchair down by the creek, hand yank fine vines off a shrubbery, get your wheels mighty stuck in a hole, and ultimately end up unsteadily staggering back up the hill pushing the sticks in your chairseat-like you are simply a forestfairy godmother taking them on their sunny midmorning stroll. 🧡 Hummel shelf got a little late-year love. Impromptu invented some laminated hangings from an ad for plates in the pie-covered magazine, Vanilla envelopes + back mosaics from a greeting card I couldn’t part from. First attempt at wreath (base) weaving from trees/branches. Yew tree cones, wirebound feathers saved from when we had to wing-clip our Golden Comet hens (neighbor was not a hen-friend) to immobilize them. Cannot believe these wreaths are free from trees! Thanks to my mom wheeling me out and chopping stuff down for me before I hysterically had to flee from this one wicked hornet-bee. Why were these creatures given extra legs, stingers, AND wings? Terribly unfair. She cut down so much and I nearly collapsed in my chair out there trying to make bunches of wreath bases for all upcoming holidays, not wanting the dear trees to go to waste. She promised there will be others, but is this true outside of summer? I got this far before wilting entirely. It’s hopelessly 1000mph enthusiasm at any project I’m into. Acorns & Kaya. Thankful for all the tiny pinecones about the acres here! Oh! The sunflower wreaths! Van Gogh vibes! I got hopelessly unplanned obsessed with Fall-ing things for my mom and this happened. Quick crochet with a chubby hook.9 petaled and 9 per wreath. Soaked in Elmer’s and wood glue diluted and dried to stiffen (after turning my fingernails yellow using the last bottle bits of experimental Wood Hardener on them without gloves. I was out of glue, in the basement floor and too tired to care about caution. It worked well but I ran out of it!) Twist tie attached . Base is a ring cut from extra carpet tiles that I wrapped in ½-⅝” strips of shower curtain fabric. Barnyarn hung. (Random honeywand made for a doll's bee costume long ago). *You Are My Sunshine song on repeat for effect* Oh! And a little photo size sketch of my bro in Octo’ 1999 for my mom, also. 5.5hrs while in sick stupor, on a clipboard, in a car. Anxious to get obsessed with drawing again, I cannot be a bit balanced! A billion beautiful things to do! Autumn arbor from cake holder box cardboard circles and covering in PUL fabric, cork from my shoemaking stash, flooring scraps,+superglue on grandmother’s sparkle stash. And glitter paint. For the kitchen, to correlate with some other orangish round decor I’ll show below… The orange slices were a glad-ccident. I packed (for my mom to eat) oranges for the doctor stay-trip recently and they were too old and squishy. I planned to dry them in the oven for decor, but the others were surprisingly not rotten. But the want of seasonal ceiling citrus stayed, and I had more vanilla envelopes, couldn’t say nope! The juicy bits brightened with orange highlighter. Printed from monochrome clip art as printing the orange ink ones on yellow paper gave me lime slices. Saving those surprises for spring/summer! Tied to crochet chains created with my mom’s megahook. Citrus garland was a tad thin, made a Macra lace & sheet scrap garland to thicken. Corner shelf stolen from closet upstairs, free from the HUD home. Sturdy succulent stand! Oh, but I’ve not yet told of that, must scroll to get to that. Sorry for discombobulated me! Cut carpet tiles into centerpiece. Shabby lil fresh woven wreath because too tired to try harder. I tend to take out the legs of the dining set with my wheelchair. Awful to make mom’s new homey look shabby! Daring to destroy my spring chalk paintjob. It occurred to me that I should knit bulky bumpers for them! Chunky chair cozies/ leg warmers/sockies. Covered in plastic sheeting fabric scraps, cut from comforter & curtain clear plastic bags (for durability from my wheels & maybe messy meals?). Fresh on the furniture feet, finished from last Friday night to this recent Friday at 4 am! It also occurred to me that the carpet tile placemats I made prior work better as seat soft spots/pseudocushions. Good as a goose, if ever not in-use! Extra carpet tiles = me ecstatically “making” tons of faux rugs everywhere I go: A brain backburner idea from last year was carried out thanks to twenty minutes in Target. Sculpted smol succulent children for my mom! A due-to-my-dad deprived plantperson. That white pot is my mom’s mortar and pestle base with the rubber bit removed, but she doesn’t mind! The baby baskets were born before though! Saw a Pinterest paper cup weave, had a plastic one from the hotel trip and tried it with this plastic barn yarn. Then doing that caused me to instinctively figure out how to weave it from scratch, so the tube-oval two are not cheat weaves. Made from Oogoo! Have you heard of it? I did when doing DIYs from Tree Change Dolls long ago. It’s poor people’s Sugru/sculptable rubbery clay. The recipe I use is equal parts cornstarch and interior caulk. I made it a few times prior to the onslaught of my extreme allergy restrictions. You can add acrylic paints if you want colors. It’s amazing stuff! Has anyone made LEGO/Bionicle parts from this? I just mixed up a white batch in a lidded cottage cheese container, shaped, dried, brush painted with wall + acrylic craft paint mix, and sprayed them with art fixatif spray as I had that. For the dirt, I wrapped a medium rock with white PUL fabric and placed it inside for weight, then covered with brown jacket scraps. Stuck on the wrapped rock top with caulk. Similar process for this mortar and pestle turned planter. Dirt is web sewn on the underside onto the felt filled rock PUL piece. Succulents secured to the dirt with a dab of caulk. *Mom being scared to open it saying “it looks too special!”* *Me who knows the wrapping is from coffee filters, paint color chips, and a sleepytime tea box quote* I’ve recently realized I’m basically a cat. I like leaving gifts for my humans and vanishing, don’t say much/am skittish, nearly nocturnal, fall asleep in the sun, like climbing and sitting in/on things I shouldn't, and am floppy/hypermobile. But I don't have fine cat hair, mine is the crunchy texture of curls. The trio stays in the window, the big one on the corner shelf by itself. Mild Autumn attack on my mom’s room. Just flipped the bedding to red side & swirled out some scarves. Sheets were a forgotten gift from Aunt J. last year. . Added one of the sticky wreaths on the mirror with quick chain crochet colors. This messy make from millions of moons ago, paint by number canvas that I enjoyed ignoring in the utmost. Mom’s Brownie bear is finally the rightful owner of a long ago hospital knit plush sweater. Mom’s childhood doll’s green-trimmed and sleeved dress tucked & poofed into a pumpkin, twisted Cinderella style? Her face stains are from when her prisoner brother Sharpie X’s over her eyes. Ink removal we should retry. And that finished a funtastic full fall haul from September 2nd to 22nd. I am happily physically shattered! Unbelievable Autumn has come! Our first one settled here! I love the leaves, our old house had only sad pine needles-painful piles to play in and full of ticks. It’s the greatest existence I’ve known here with dear Mom. Wish she’d gotten her own place years ago, haha. So peaceful, no shouting, stress or scary-loud television. Cannot wait for bro to visit again, we hadn’t even finished the hall bathroom when he came at Christmas. Now ”Ta-da! List”ing what decor I should make at Christmas. Planning the color scheme and theme already. Cinderella aesthetic, chores + clothing little house friends…if I can call a soap dispenser my friend. Flooring scraps and leather thread, at least the poor thing is not naked! Culinary crafts! Spice crumb cake in my misfit sized cake pan stack. Chocolate chip coconut oil muffs with walnut & choc on top. Spice and sweet potato sweet squares, walnut chocolate pastry pods + brekkie granola rounds. Cheddar cheese petite pizzas, I was thrilled to figure out they fit in coffee cans for freezer storage. Olives feel luxurious. The mysterious ways of mayonnaise. It PROTECT, it expires at precisely 10:04 am. Plus the poor broccoli baby missed in a morning rush. Light and fluffy butter loaves (actually oil because $) that were altered from a Texas Riaddhouse roll recipe and this a bit stubby. Horizontal slicing to the rescue & flash frozen on trays as always. Grateful to have grabbed our four lovely loaf pans when we left. Oven Naan breads, a fan of the King’s (KAF brand) recipes I am! Onto the +3 abandoned alternate art endeavors! One sewing, one drawing, one painting. Amazing how little I am accomplishing at the moment, haha. Impromptu organizing has been happening lately, in the office and kitchen. Inspirational at 5 AM when I can’t find my Thing, that Thing. Or my mom’s Thing. We probably totally crammed & chucked stuff in after moving. Finally feeling like a proper place to live.❤️ Love and leaves to all this Fall. May your Autumn be awesome 🧡 “Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.” ~Suzanne Weyn Basically I’m low on Real art to show right now, fell for Fall, + since late July it’s been a daily battle because of hydrating and actually eating some glorious food, and trying to figure out what on earth to eat. (Spamblings below about my medical and parent stuff that I am not sure how to use a spoiler tag for: (Kind of outdated content because I am the snail.) Some of these *holds back hysterical happy screams* magnificent daily meals of 500-600 calories I’ve had the unspeakable joy of ingesting. Mostly protein (severely low BUN on labs), bullion, salty sauces (and small amounts of the miracle of Mayo, cheese & ketchup) , and beloved vegetables. It stays in my body for 0.5-3 hours. I assume some of it must be absorbing, at least every gram of glucose spikes in my blood. An apple throws me over 250 at the two hour post-first-bite prick. The persisting hyperglycemia coupled with the rapid rejection and fluid floss are a true medical freak. three years since eating adequately/more than a meal of daily broth and (celiac testing) bread, or post stroke few bites of starchy stuff + severe dehydration. I now cry from gratitude while savoring such treats, then cry from pain trying not to blackout on the bath floor for the next few hours. This trade off/post ingestion punishment has absolutely improved my quality of life. I’m old and want to eat. If I were even given the choice of “last meal or continue living with feeding tube/TPN” you all are invited to the feast. There will be pizza, hummus, salmon, ice cream, cookies and watermelon. The post drinking and eating reactions are much worse-for gory details of what that means: 0.5-2 hrs post ingestion = 15-30 (EDIT: now it’s typically 30-60) urgent GI episodes over the next 2-4 hours with low blood pressure, LUQ stabbing, face flushing, some throat constriction, tachycardia & hyperglycemia. Massive lower extremity edema. Samples tested, confirmed nonInfectious GI reactions as I already knew. Just the result of food and water. Leaving the bathroom is too risky, better to bring a floor pillow and try not to pass out. Thankfully with symptoms so severe I cannot be dismissed by doctors-they now keep telling me go to the ER for IV fluids. It’s exhausting to go to the ER with 3-4 diseases to only leave with needle wounds, and “I have no idea how to help, we are sorry, follow with your specialists and PCP” from frightened looking doctors, though. I don’t know if they’d do any useful tests/imaging. It’s been years since scans. Thus, I am surviving with concentrated lemon juice + Himalayan salt in Gatorade zero, coffee, and eating spoons of straight yellow mustard all day to replenish my electrolytes and bring up my dangerously low blood pressure. I’m drinking over 250oz water some days because of losing massive fluid amounts. I think I’m sleeping like 3 hrs a night, often? My electrolytes were perfect at the last PCP visit a week ago leaving my doctor absolutely impressed (because she told me to go to the hospital that day, but knowing I was okay, I didn’t). So apparently “bio-hacking” by ear is working. The basic blood panels did shockingly show useful info-I have idiopathic neutropenia and my BUN/protein is unsurprisingly severely low. Eggs, cottage cheese, Chicken-all so good, oh my gosh. It’s been years since I’ve eaten anything besides bread or broth. Eating so many beautiful vegetables, broths and some dairy, Mayo and proteins, I cannot wait to eat starches and fruits soon. They send me into hyperglycemia coma mode currently-even tiny amounts. I’m up to one ~600 calorie meal a day, I feel rich because it has been 3 years since eating this much (Metabolic m e s s. I, the inexplicably self-sustaining life form, haven't lost any more weight, in spite of my body rejecting everything ingested within 0.5-4 hours, so that’s a win, at least? Guessing the hyperglycemia has a role in this.). Totally worth the next three hours on the bathroom floor, haha. Finally getting some IG posts up thanks to this. I’m amazed at the skilled humans who can eat/drink (like multiple times in one day!) and function afterwards, please teach me your ways! I don’t recommend this at all. DIY glucose tolerance testing. Overnight no drinking or eating, then a breakfast of 17.3 Twizzlerschoked down (while timed) in 5 minutes (updated number from Sci papers given 2023 nutritional content/this size). I’m shocked by the blandness of the candy, was mildly improved with salt. Then glucose, BP & pulse recorded every hour for three hours. My PCP couldn’t order an oral glucose tolerance test. So I went PubMed and Mayo clinic vigilante ( https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3781564/ https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/glucose-tolerance-test/about/pac-20394296 ), conducted my own test and documented photo results/reactions in graphic detail. Test included losing consciousness on the bath floor with Gi epsiodes and sleeping almost entirely for two days. But yes! I was correct and my pancreas is pitiful. Doctor was so shocked by this she ordered a simultaneous office lab draw with my home monitor to calibrate/make sure my readings were real. They were 3pts off-highly accurate. So now recording the wacky high blood sugars I’m having in spite of barely eating & not even even any direct grainy/starch based carbs. I (& my mom when available) am taking my vitals and blood sugars through the day (at least 3x) , recording my daily intake of food and fluid and all the 10-30 daily medical episodes and symptoms. Then my mom types it into a Google doc. The point of this is so doctors can grasp how I’m actually living when sent links via the medical mychart messaging. I think I’d be horrified by it if it weren’t me in this body. Some things seem harder to watch than to live yourself. My mom is the best and I feel so bad about her dealing with all of it. Not just seeing it-all the caregiving, bills and travel stress. Ex dad got away with zero financial help for her or me-dumping all the future + old medical bills he refused to pay on my mom. The legal things were settled mostly in February. Never in my life have I longed to walk out in traffic like this. No one else in my life had made me feel so utterly worthless. My stomach turns thinking about how no one gets away with anything, and the weight of what waits for some. Guilt over the air I breathed. So my care/chronic sickness wouldn’t be even more of a burden to my poor mom any longer.. But thank goodness with every brain break and bad idea we by belief rise stronger.I am begging her to let my medical record bills go to collections, I have nothing of my own + disabling genetic incurable condition(s), so chances of future me ever being an Actual Adult and needing this “credit” thing are zero. [🎵my new (Taylor Swift) pseudo song is “I am never, ever, ever, going to be better!”..because if I can’t beat it, I’ll dance to the beat of it ✨🎵] Applying for SSI takes an eternity, even with a free-till-won disability lawyer. A lot of this is the fact that I’ve been disabled/chronically ill since a child + homeschooled, and never been able to live like others. Their “residual job functioning capacity” questions and tests are completely irrelevant, as I never have been able to fully function. I hope for Medicare/Medicaid approval. Exdad drops my insurance next year, and my mom, the full time tool cashier, cannot afford it. She’s calling the local ERs for financial aid applications. Duke keeps renewing my charity care/ full financial aid, though! Incredibly grateful. I don’t know how any of the grown up stuff works. If I have no money and never have, am incurably diseased, disabled, and soon to be uninsured, where do they expect to get paid from? I know the ER cannot refuse to treat anyone, even the homeless, thankfully. I have no idea why my mom is trying to pay them, they only grow. Exdad took the medical savings card access, too. His lawyer was so crooked and hers didn’t care. They tried to steal my mom’s inheritance. She barely got her inheritance childhood home, the abandoned puppy mill we were forced to flee to, then rebuild (but now SO love ❤️), leaving their marital home and life behind with him. He is trying to cause problems by not signing the divorce papers, so the restraining order may be renewed. He cannot stop the divorce, court can force it. It’s about him trying to keep his small retirement savings. He also didn’t sign the paperwork on the one old car my mom got, then canceled the insurance on it (this is the only car my mom got out of the total old 4 family cars-and this was her mom’s 19 year old mom inheritance car. And she was driving me to Duke hospital regularly in this) intentionally sabotaging us. Making it illegal to drive that car, as my mom couldn’t legally pay for insurance on a car not signed over to her. This was all happening late July as we were daily evaluating whether I should go to the ER. But driving there would be illegal-my mom had to short-drive to work with legal paperwork and hope not to get pulled over. She ultimately had to take the small sum she barely got from the divorce split up and buy a new used car, as she could buy insurance for it. We are terribly grateful, she loves it, and it’s so nice for the wheelchair, but wow. My mom is wise and would never ordinarily make such a purchase without being cautious. I shudder at the future of some evil individuals. Thank goodness we no longer live with such darkness. I have the noblest mom ever. Being safe and free makes up for possible poverty. Nothing in life is better than to be with companions worthy. Everything is far better than last year! It's only the uncertainty medically with me, along with the possibility of her adopted criminal creep brother being released from prison soon-we don’t know if he gets 4+ more years. He is not welcome here, nor may he drain my mom. She deserved so much better, and I trust the tide’s truly turning. I wish I could fix it all for her. But I can’t…so instead I’ll try to do the chores + cook for her between collapsing, and decorate inside these walls with the spirit of Fall! (Wheelchair power!!!) Creations can cheer countless clouds away. ❤️ Doctor visits were awesome last time given the battle royale removal of my medical-kidnapping-misdiagnosis! So weird to be treated like a human being with value instead of a worthless little worm. For some reason my PCP (who had blindly gone along with the sketchy GI doctor and fully blamed me) now seems to respect me since I explained/proved it and almost fired her too, haha. So strange not to be a scapegoat. I’m baffled for being believed and am almost crying with relief. Rheumatology successfully got me back to my endocrinologist for Carcinoid syndrome/NET. This time around I don’t have to consider falsely telling them I want to change genders just to get an appointment- three years ago I was desperately sick and considering this strategy. I instead got in due to my systemic nonstature stunting/being a human horseshoe crab. That appointment is at the end of March 2024. Three years since she hastily “doctor punted” my complex case to GI & rheumatology while I was telling her that did not explain my endocrine symptoms. I’m also on a new Duke GI doctor waitlist for a January 2024 appointment. Still nobody has/can reread my crimped artery abdominal ultrasound. The plan is to contact PCP if my fasting blood sugars get above a certain number consistently (they are almost there). I, at the time of writing this, have a test for POTS soon where I will be tied to a tilt table with the “different provoking measures we may use during the test- deep breathing, blowing into a tube, hand in ice water, and nitroglycerin.” *googles nitroglycerin*….😎🍿) So that’s life lately! I am constantly shocked at the adaptability of the human body! Grateful beyond belief. My cup is not half empty, nor half full, for I find it overflos. Random wildlife visits! The crow knocking on the window woke me up! And I went to grab the the web-stuck butterfly for decor but the poor thing wasn’t dead, flew away instead! Resident falcon visits a good bit. And when new carpenter Uncle Dave surprises you while you were gone on a doctor daytrip and patches your crumby pillars + leaves gifts of homegrown tomatoes at your door! Little metal cross created by my mom’s customer and generously chucked at her, now cherished in paperclip holder.

Translation: A blog so big I’m a bit worried about it breaking BZP. Greeting again pretend-friends! Stacks of stuff from the home reno I’ve not individually posted but feel funny about doing so redundantly! Because in the excessive room-by-room Docs I planted them. But here are a few of the decorations/homey Hapi-mess projects from the farmhouse. And new projects I’ve been too absorbed in/too sick to document/edit. Sorry for over-downsized picture quality here and incoherent rambles! ~Older content~ Embroidery wreath pillow, 10 hrs. The “UP” movie inspired house for my alien children-from a freezer box! Made from cardboard, leftover paper drywall tape, wood & school glues, a bunch of paint mixes I used in the home here, and twist ties. Window frames are cardboard covered in masking tape, then painted. Door knob and doorbell are felt furniture feet. UP inspired, as it’s missing the side window and roof extension. Does anyone know why the official set by LEGO does not have the side window or house side roof? Was it structurally impossible? Hot air balloon! The ball was a horse-toy, I think? A thick plastic ballI I found in the stables. It had to be bleached for a hot air balloon! Began by making a barn-yarn (string) macrame net. Pattern for fabric cover made by marking with electrical tape and paper drafting of the dark lines. Basket made from chopping the handle off an ordinary one and painting with KILZ primer. White balloon fabric is PUL, red is slick material from an old vest I’d made for myself (out an old vest of my dad’s). Topstitching details. Seam taped together in back, then hand ladder stitched. Wooden beads are from a rusty jar I found in our barn. Canning jar lid ring for fire area thing. Made tiny sandbags from drop cloth and added a bandana. Tree branch and plastic barn-yarn for a pulley. . What you see VS reality: That absolutely is my mom murdering weeds with her Mother’s Day Machete. Eucalyptus hanging . Made by cutting out over 200 fabric cotton circles in three different sizes! Math estimate based on spacing/desired branch number. Cotton circle sewn with a little opening. Assembly line sewing style is such a pleasure! Sewn using my machine on a lapdesk on the floor, back propped against the wall. Cut apart & turned right side out while wet. Octopus ironing board Ironed while tucking raw seams in, then added center seam to sew together. I hand-kneaded and squished them into the 8-color mix and hung them across a paint extension cord and bucket drying rack in the basement. And yarn for stems. Later poked the holes with leather awl and handsewed each leaf on with tex 70 upholstery thread. This splendid stick was selected by my mom from a newly toppled yard tree, I miter sawed to fit. Yarn and nails on top, tiny ½” tacks and reinforcement thread on each strand to hold . Stenciled fairy flags from my ancient x-acto knife PUL stencil, cotton fabric sponge brushed with alteration tint of the kitchen wall paint & backed with PUL. Strung up with little yarn-let cuts and some of the shiny plastic spool of wire. Motif panels are made from cotton muslin and backed with PUL. I cut/designed the stencil from an art canvas material many years ago. Foambrush sponged with extra wall paint (from another room). Sewed around each curve after drying and individually tied all threads inside. Yarn tassels, hand embroidery floss french knots. Shutter flower pots, a birthday gift for my mom. Made from the doors of the rotting hall bath vanity, chalk painted (baking soda version). Little pots from leftover floor scraps are tiny tacked & wrapped around a giant cardboard tube (gift from family friend) that I chopped with my mini miter saw. String from the massive roll found in the barn to match the rest in the house. Flowers made from laminated copies of Wildflowers of American antique prints (my grandma sent to me a few years ago). And my mom's birthday bounty! Excessive decor and food photos! Artgifts posted prior, laminated 2D flowers, cheesecake & bakes, & for it finally occurred, origami bird! Napkin, but really a paper towel! Fold Guide Made makeshift mushroom & cowbaby magnets for my mom’s birthday. Printed some scientific mushroom illustrations and laminated, wood glued onto the plastic sealed magnets I cut off of a ripped white shower curtain (the one I’d been using as a tablecloth!) Sheet from Lawman friend/HUD house for temporary tablecloth. Mum, there for fun ~m o r e t h a n j u s t a b e a r~ . Raspberry lemon cheesecake, turmeric +raspberry drink powder tinted buttermint dough. Because it’s what I had! Fondant, transportation, and funds are far from me. Fun game to find substitutes to suit Faux forever flowers were an impromptu b-day idea. I found an envelope of Wildflowers of America Smithsonian prints from my grandmother and it hit me. I had to scan them, print copies, cut them out and stick the scientific title on the back. Laminated and placed into the Leaning Green Barn found green vases, and these narrow “Avocado Hot Sauce” bottles from a discount grocery store. 10 cents well spent! ~Actual New Content~ The beauty of food 🥮 My mom got a freezer as she buys discount ingredients in bulk when on sale & for years our custom has been to freeze homemade meals. I love baking and freezing. And other randomness because sometimes it’s 3 am and I feel like making quiche and such. Also, miraculously, a kind Instructables staffer told me my LEGO dress tutorial (https://www.instructables.com/LEGO-Minifigure-Fabric-Gown/?amp_page=true ) qualified for one of their contests, so bumbled into that by chance. They generously sent a gift card for being a finalist, I filled it out in my mom’s name, but she bought an Instantpot for me to experiment with. She is so unselfish! I’m overjoyed over the fancy food tools! It's always been terribly difficult for me to use the stove asstanding was hard, but using it in a wheelchair where the burners are shoulder height is a Snow White and the Seven dwarfs experience. My mom bought some “overripe” strawberries for groundhoggy bait, but I, being a feral scavenger who mourns waste, had no idea these were supposedly second-class strawberries and treated them as fine delicacies. ❤️ Sorry hoggies! Salsa and vegetable dishes freeze finely in muffin containers, but the regular shape metals do work a bit better! Chicken, grape, walnut and cream cheese pastries (lots of these are frozen in the pictures!) Walnut oat + chocolate dough drops. Oat buns are fun! Chocosquare cake + almond cinnabuns! Peanut caramel cube cookies! Apple pastry! Banana breads, biscuits, oatmeal cookies, raspberry muffies, lots of cookies as they are mom’s best beloved baked burgers, Instant pot soups frozen for easy momwork transport & heating. Jars from when she was canning the most delicious chicken in our old life. Mayo jar lids fit (and are free!) quite perfectly upon the narrowneck pints! I adore King Arthur flour recipes as mix & match pastry bases. Buns! I've had a hard time with yeast breads since my body has been spiraling more, the rise times are hard to handle when I spontaneously crash or sleep at all hours. Yeast rolls, buns, French breads, personal pizza, burritos. Greens & cream pastry, quiches, potatoes and fiesta pasta. Walnut garlic Italian buns. Instapot beans are a blessing! Impromptu cookie bake batches because tree cutting fellows were here and hungry, and mom was around for their delivery, so no photos fancy and I forgot entirely to take one of the giant chocolate chip cookie batches. Starbiscuits! Waffellows! Yeast buns and cookies! *Not shown: me crying from pain while cooking because it’s a grand amusement/distraction! What am I supposed to do, watch TV? Not for me. Cannot wait to be hungry and able to eat this stuff/normally again! PS: I promise not everything I cook is bread based, these are just the pretty-picturable pastry dishes. "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."- infinite wisdom from Buddy the Elf. My mom bought me a vehicle. 😎 A trolley for towels and dollies! And me to lowride slide on for a few hours when I’ve crammed my wheelchair into the tub for shower hosing it off and it’s drying. It gets quite dusty! I have no idea how other people clean their chairs..and apparently felt no need whatsoever to investigate this. Was extremely difficult to transport thingies prior! A bonsai tree (juniper variety) made tiny! Pipe cleaners wrapped fabric strips then in embroidery floss (now questioning why I didn’t use yarn for less waste) and painted. Stuff felt sewn centrally and stiffened with glue. Box made from basement bits of glued wood + filler, stained and polyurethane sealed. Painted the whole tree for a hopeful look of reality. Dirt is made from coffee grounds and Elmer’s glue poured into the wooden pot lined with plastic wrap. Norwegian inspired Birdy ornaments in honor of my mom’s roots. For tiny Christmas gifts. 3hrs each, if I remember correctly (too tired to check)? Recycled Cards featuring my chickadee mini painting from last December. No colored cardstock, found other stuff! Birdhouse! Homey theme continuing. Penciled while trying to listen to an audiobook of the Pickwick papers. Delightful oddity, I have a frightful problem of beginning audiobooks, abandoning for months on end, then returning. Brain fog beckons in mindless music box melodies while making things. 15 Hrs. 8x10”. WIP/test subject Wii MySims inspired doll from May. Because it was time for what seemed like my biannual pain + medical-exhaustion life burnout and I needed a couple hours to escape reality. Every time I play MySims game I end up making things instead of gaming, last time I made dollhouse furniture, this time a doll. I am amazed at the patience of gamers. I guess I need a weird amount of physical evidence of what I’m doing with my life to feel fulfilled. Doll needs lots of alterations to the face and head, she’s additionally in a paper towel test dress that is quite hospital gown style. May embroidery inspired by my mom’s tastes. Randomness in terms of stitch, sewn into circles in case they get framed or something. Gifts for somebody, probably my mom? I’d like to give her all the things but there are a few other humans I know exist and it shreds my soul trying to figure holiday gifting out. Been trying to make one copy of each one for her to keep. 15Hrs, 12 hrs Little yellow lassie! Like her original friend. Either for my mom or maybe my honorary Granny. I am happier with the face on her than my first. First one scares me a wee bit. Pumpkin friends! One by the name of Beatrice! Because I was weakflattened on the couch, conscious but not enough to coherent so tried to easy knit a bit. The origins of Lady Beatrice (who is a pseudopumpkin and an eggplant): Baby and baby goat, belonging to kind local foundation person and possibly harvested from their Facebook 17.5 Hrs. 8x10” My mom! 8.5 Hrs. 8x10” Birdy painting, a Holiday Holly Hummingbird! For putting on Christmas cards. 5x7” acrylic, colored pencil and fixatif on watercolor paper pencil sketch. 78 hrs total. Metallic gold paint details. My floorflop sewing setup. The lapdesk on the floor posed risk of scratching up the deck painted floors, so I made slider towel socks from PUL and elastic for the foldy feet. Shirt shop! Two button downs for my brother, from fabrics generously gifted by new aunt J. 33 hrs for two, slow as the purple was thick knit and required much hand sewing. Hand bound buttonholes on both because my machine tends to jam on them. French seams. Hoping this pattern still fits him since he’s still a medium though has taken interest in gymnasiums. And simply a tee from an unwanted jersey flat knit sheet that matched some Macra lace swatches from the stash. French seamed. 4hrs each because I am the snail. Test subject dress for my mom from the lower sheet, sadly this a bit nubby knit-wide. I intended to use the wrong side of the fabric as the outer. but kept collapsing from low blood pressure during this which blocks the brain ability to French seam. *presents mom with the Macaroni Necklace Quality dress and apologies* I can’t calculate how to catch rainbows so I just copy them in my clothes! Hues due for mockery make me exuberant. I get colorhappy! my mom began knitting again, so happy for her! She essentially forgot due to the PTSD of our reality. Sweetly spun spools into leg warmers for me! Perfectly twinning with the hand-me-down sweater from my new octogenarian aunt! Normal humans: *t shirt + jeans 😎* Whatever feral mutant species I am: *Wearing everything weirdo wonderlandian ways instead* Actually went outside with the sweet ride (wheelchair) once in March, prompting proof in pictures and pseudoswinging & chainclinging. Just porch pillar plops in the sun fits my function level better. Christmas/bro birthday stash growing and wraps getting going. The hard part remains, choosing what’s for who! And a-still-on-my-sidetable WIP in the works I’m actively updating because my body is not something I can trust in: https://www.flickr.com/photos/189713610@N04/albums/72177720310455074 Kind human playing piano at Duke cancer center (They send me there for noncancer imaging sometimes, not sure why): Medical madness has made up the year, I truly cannot believe it’s August and I’m still here! Seven months since the stroke! Surviving! The ER sent me home without any ideas or help that day and my specialists have been helpless. Ramblings below. -At last in June I got into a local geneticist! They only ran a connective tissue panel, hemochromatosis panel, and hereditary neuropathy panel for my SFN. Under 200 genes analyzed so not terribly helpful, but some things ruled out! Wish whole gene exome sequencing were more affordable, given that now doctors named me “extremely medically complex” and “perplexing”. Genetics *legally confirmed* I have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (type 3, the one that they haven’t IDed the genes of yet and only diagnose from clinical exams). I accurately self diagnosed with the disease in late 2020 after researching why my knee joints were clicking painfully >20 times per hour causing me to limp, and seeing this Instagram suggested post and being able to do the sign: I got a Rheumatologist to do an unofficial Beighton test in May 2021 with a positive score, and had a UNC genetics referral place the month prior. They waitlisted me for 1 year, which turned into 2, then they were overbooked and canceled me altogether. I am not even seeing their Ehlers-Danlos page on their site anymore. EDS and its 14 subtypes are chronically changing their diagnostic criteria. I am so grateful for google and trust issues, as EDS diagnosis by doctors takes on average 10+ years. -This is an odd addition to the Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. Since no painkillers are effective for EDS according to my geneticist, perhaps this is why the UCTD Plaquenil didn’t help the joint pain? Rheumatology took me off it after the January stroke given my drug hypersensitivity. -The idiopathic small fiber neuropathy might be from EDS, as this is true for some. -Foreshadowing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zebra_(medicine) "I'm paint and porcelain ...Sensitively, I'm not weak, but my Bones are made of glass And I'll break if you pass..." ~Porcelain / Em Beihold -EDS might explain my past food allergies given the mast cell involvement. -Still awaiting the fourth reread of my abdomen ultrasound. The one ordered after the May cardiac MRI showed that my GI arteries were “crimped”. Wonder why this is why I’ve had excruciating LUQ pain for years. -I decided to try to consume more than 16oz fluid and the few bites of starchy food a day I’d been surviving on since the stroke-until recently when even that was getting more difficult (I didn’t speak a full sentence for a month and was barely able to drink with a straw long after it, so much function has been lost). Starvation and dehydration have been the terrifying normal for me for symptom management over the past three years (GI to this day didn’t solve my non-celiac tTG, severe GI complications, intussuseptions/intestines telescoping, the mucosal abnormality & plume of blood seen on one EDG, ulcers, SIBO, transient gastroparasis, bile reflux, idiopathic anaphylaxis, pain, etc., I was able to tolerate nothing but bullion and bread (glutinous bread for the EGDs) for 1.5 years. But I was gaining weight so nobody seemed to believe this. I kept telling them Celiac disease did not fit and was begging for help. The doctor didn’t even reply to messages most of the time, and held my imaging results when serious complex GI issues came up. Like when the Pillcam bounced off my duodenum x4 times and then stayed in my stomach. She sent me for X-rays and never told me or released the results. I found them in the back door method of accessing via the Mychart care document summary. The post stroke was even less ingestion than prior and I lost 20lbs.I knew I couldn’t keep living like this, especially barely drinking, though my weight was stable for months. Neuropathic fire. Allergic type reactions ( same ones over the years sending me to ER) on the few days I decided to try to eat an actual meal. The same insane LUQ pain. So for the past >3 weeks I’ve been hydrating and consuming instant bullion again. Takes me 30 minutes to ingest a bowl or I collapse in pain. But it’s so delicious! Been putting green vegetables in it, absolutely glorious. Then the pain, face flushing and exhaustion sets in, an hour passes and the reactions get violent. So violent, consistently like clockwork. The more I ingest the more I reject. Never so bad before as this. Dangerous GI, skin and blood sugar reactions over a span of 2-4hrs, which is a highly useful diagnostic clue. Going to the ER would make sense for a normal human in such a situation, but they would only run labs and give IV fluids, neither thing helpful in diagnosis of my case given this has become chronic and daily and is due to me hydrating and trying to eat more.. At home orally replenishing the electrolytes and monitoring vitals is the current survival strategy amid awaiting appointments. I thought my episodes of weakness and needing to lay supine in dizzy exhaustion every hour or so were maybe blood sugar lows, but no. My blood pressure is chronically dangerously low (hello salt, please help while I wait on medical care + POTS testing), & the always high blood sugar is baffling. My blood sugar skyrockets from ingesting everything and the spikes correlate with when I get violently sick. The pancreatic polypeptide elevations probably have a great deal to do with this. -Waiting on the repeat-from-almost-3-years-ago endocrinology referral for the carcinoid syndrome/neuroendocrine tumor testing( that I originally myself requested from scouring research paper DDXs three years ago after my epi-triggered, resistant anaphylaxis began and face flushing. Then loads of other things, later my allergist later saying all pointed to this after ruling out things like mast cell disorders, allergies + HAE. Now some actual biomarkers that fit).. Duke has a whole separate specialty clinic for this very thing, but for reasons beyond me the GI doctor dominated my care, took two years to reluctantly agree I didn’t have Celiac, and then abandoned my case unsolved after countless Celiac disease procedures/tests. My first really kind pediatric GI PA either was fired or quit by this doctor in 2021 when my case got complex. She tried to solve me, wanted to send me to the cancer clinic for MRIs given the tumor rumors, but didn’t get the chance. I gave my current GI doctor one last chance to try/begged for basic GI care. So now thankfully she’s not my doctor anymore, I’m getting a different provider. My mom the whole time was saying it was malpractice the way she talked to me and how the case was being dragged out/neglected/the life-threatening GI complications ignored. And my old allergist, other Duke specialists and new local geneticists were all floored by the GI doctor’s actions. I thought she was actually trying. But after every appointment she left me crying. Because my case is complex, she blamed me. It was easier. I message-system debated, disproved, and forced her to remove a mental-health misdiagnosis from 2017 she had placed in Mychart in spite of knowing its falsehood. She was using this misdiagnosis to neglect solving my case. It was initially placed on my records at UNC hospital in 2017, when I was ambulanced to their pediatric ICU and barely lived due to a summer of repeat flus, chronic mystery Illness with GI issues, and the crippling dietary limitations of Alpha-gal allergy. My heart rate dropped to 32 with severe electrolyte derangement. I’d uncontrollably lost 40lbs over the summer, the only change being adding gluten back to my diet instead of rice flour. Crazy to look back on this, they did not run bloodwork for Celiac disease then. UNC removed their misdiagnosis in 2021 after getting my updated charts and genetics referrals. This misdiagnosis was prior to my diseases being identified. They placed it there to legally hold me, never telling us it was on my records. Another patient saw it and told us. “ARFID”- A disorder of “extremely picky eating”. AKA, in my case: how to medically kidnap a pediatric patient with food allergies. This added insult to injury given the fact that many delicious foods would literally kill me, and it wasn’t my choice or being “picky”.The UNC doctors screamed all about how Alpha-Gal allergy didn’t exist, how they wanted to put my parents in prison. My mom told them to walk to the other side of their campus and ask the most well-known Alpha Gal researcher about it- who was a UNC allergist. On their campus. Or to call my allergist and get his lab findings. Or simply Google it. The room went silent. UNC thought my illness/allergies were fabricated by parents. Being homeschooled with learning disabilities/lower grade level than typical in school made it an even scarier situation. That’s why I had to stay impatient for three months. I was underweight so they had grounds to call CPS if my mom took me home. I was grilled by psychologists who wanted to remove me from my family on a daily basis. Everything I said was scrutinized. Even after they were educated on alpha-gal allergy, I obviously had no issues with food aside from my allergies and GI issues, and was stoked to eat (UNC hospital food is fancy!), and kept telling them I chronically felt sick. I was actually fed things I was allergic to/ordered not to be served due to upcoming/ongoing allergy tests at both UNC and countless times at the step-down hospital (they sent me there once the insurance cut coverage). They got furious with me for actually eating peanut butter when they sent it, because I wanted to speed up the allergy testing they were dragging out and see what would happen. I was fine and it was glorious! I also had genetic Ehlers-Danlos then, but we, at the time, didn’t know why I was always sick. Primary care didn’t have an answer when I went at age 9. In 2017-18 I had seizures while inpatient, was observably chronic sick and weak to the point of wheelchair use, but no one investigated it. I stumbled across this website recently in my desperate attempts to solve my own current medical complexities: https://alphagalinformation.org/what-is-ags/#What%20Is%20Alpha-gal%20Found%20In I feel inexpressibly not alone by reading the list-torrent of foods and products with mammal products & the infamous airborne reactions. None of this info was easy to access when I had AGS. I had to contact companies about processing and rely on a Facebook group via my mom’s account to not die from food. Bronchoconstriction from white sugar processed with bone char. That FB group kept me alive. My mom had to make our own laundry soap from washing soda. I washed my hair with a block of coconut soap. Now I’m showing this site to doctors who are unaware of the allergy/condition. Many still haven’t heard of it. One doctor at one ER in 2020 thought I said “alpha thalassemia” instead of “past alpha gal allergy” when I was talking mid-throat closure (new idiopathic anaphylaxis) and now that’s on my permanent medical record. My weird early medical era/The story of how I got Alpha-Gal allergy/syndrome: The whole gluten free & peanut allergy ordeals. When I got noticeably weak/sick initially (over half a life ago) my mom suspected non-celiac gluten intolerance (negative tTG then, ironically, a PCP sent me to a GI doctor who had no idea what to do). And at the time my brother’s ASD challenges were becoming more apparent, 1 year prior to his formal diagnosis of what was then classed as Asperger’s. So for 3 years we three were gluten-free, in hopes of helping all parties (didn’t help me but she tried so hard!). This was prior to the era of easy allergen-labeling. My mom had a time of it baking with the grainy textures of the olden-day quality certified GF brands. We loved her rice bread but it was definitely dense. I started to have fun cooking more around this era, and the dietary restrictions created odd traditions -we had one good GF pizza crust recipe, and discovered cheesecake is a great grain free option. So that became the birthday tradition dish! Around this time my dad chose to travel for work (only home on weekends), which was a bittersweet blessing because he harassed me chronically due to my sickness and allergies. My mom had two children with different disabilities, one getting sicker. Homeschooling them alone, no family or friends nearby, driving my dad back and forth to the airport in an area we’d just moved to for his local job a couple years prior. I don’t know how she didn’t break. Then the next year I began to get hives and GI reactions after peanuts and peanut butter. Allergist bloodwork and back prick panel. All negative except dust and grass. Said it couldn’t be peanut allergy. He ordered an in office allergy challenge to confirm. Ate a lot of delicious PB, started reacting just at the end of the 2hr reaction watch period. Sick in their restroom and hives breaking out. They said it was too delayed to be from the peanuts, said to keep nuts in the diet.That was in October. We avoided the nuts knowing this doctor wasn’t getting it. In April, we decided to repeat the allergen test at home with Reese’s pieces (the delicacy of royals). One handful, 30 minutes later I was on the bathroom floor gasping for breath with my throat closing off and severe GI reactions. My mom had the epipen but froze in panic-terror on the spot and just sat with me. I kept asking for water. I must have drank 20 glasses that night amid struggling for air. I don’t know how I survived that much fluid but I think it effectively, instinctively(?)flushed the allergen out of my small body. This went on until 6:00pm -12:00 am. I remember playing some kind of Draw a stickman game on my mom’s phone to cope. I wonder if my brother remembers that day. He brought a lot of water. I couldn’t say the word “peanut” without bursting into tears for years after that. I stopped touching doorknobs and surfaces in our kitchen because my dad refused to give up nuts-and would scare me with them intentionally. My mom couldn’t reason with him. Strangely- 3 years after this horrific reaction-my peanut allergy inadvertently saved my life -or at least the Epi pens for it did. When I went outside to see the new fence my parents had put up, and a tick came in with me. Found it embedded in my left upper leg one day later-lone star, shining white spot. I dug it out in a panic. My mom had previously wondered if my illness was post-Lyme disease given my health decline after a move & lots of bites. Six weeks later I began to get a little shortness of breath and hives. I first noticed it on a day I’d eaten a piece of battered chicken found in the fridge. My dad had just visited my grandma, perhaps this piece of meat had been fried in peanut oil and brought from her house? How could I have so recklessly eaten it? I asked my mom about the meat. It was mom’s cooking. I said nothing and internally quivered. Then a day or so later I went into a worse breathing difficulty episode, this one so bad witnessed by my parents. Then another episode so bad after I baked some blueberry muffins. Suffocating and hives 30 minutes later. My mom hit me with the Epi-pen as I screamed “NO!”, thinking it would hurt (I didn’t feel the needle at all) and to the ER we rode. Then a few days later, I ate ( some homemade white bread, I think?) I was suffocating again with hives and ER repeat while we waited on an appointment with the new allergist. I’d made lists of everything I’d eaten on the days of the reactions. I thought perhaps it was “histamine intolerance” because I reacted to everything and was nearly starving to survive. On the first allergist visit he asked me if I'd had any recent tick bites. My jaw dropped and I almost screamed “Yes, with a white spot on its back, on my leg! I still have the scab!?” “DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?” the quiet doctor who barely could make eye contact nearly screamed in satisfaction. I said no. Then he explained Alpha-gal allergy, and said he was almost certain that was what was happening to me. He ran the labs and it proved true. I was insanely hyperreactive. I’d not even had any directly dairy/mammal based food on the ER days. It was the white sugar which contained cow-bone-char from the bleaching process. So my diet for 2.5 years was 10-20 raw/whole foods that we had to inquire about the processing of. Delicious things! Just very few of them. And every product I touched we had to contact manufacturers over. So that sums up my experience with the Alpha-Gal allergy adventure. It's still hard for me to grasp. I was nearly medically kidnapped. After almost dying in the pediatric ICU. Removed from my home for three months. Held in the psych unit of the hospital (the patients never hurt me, but some threw things, flipped chairs, and screamed. There was this dark forest painted solitary confinement room the UNC nurses would lock the kids in when they were getting violent or rowdy. They'd give them sedative drugs, watch them via a camera and speak to them through a speaker. It was horrible to witness. I just stayed near the nurse station and did art/crafts where things were most peaceful/safe). Apparently this kind of thing/being blamed by doctors is common in children with EDS. I am so grateful this can never happen again. But I did have fun drawing people’s pets and decorating the hospitals. And the nurses adopted me. ❤️ I was (freed?) discharged in 2018, though sicker than ever and with a rather apparent abnormal stunting, but thankfully having at last outgrown the food allergies. I would never darken the doors of doctors ever again. My age and gender have made medical care a nightmare. I was wrong. 2020 came, along with my body breaking entirely and undeniably. When my throat closed off, I was limping regularly, had seizures, and relented. So in 2020 me and my medical PTSD became a chronic customer of doctors. Thankfully by this time I’d learned how to advocate for myself (MyChart messages, photographs, printed notes), read my own results, DDXs + visit notes & do my own research. And question everything. My disease diagnoses matter more than I can say. The almost six years of blame…the shame-stamp of a mental health misdiagnosis that many doctors got off the diagnostic hook with. Even knowing they were wrong, I blamed myself. Hospital hostage, underage, underweight. Medical gaslighting. I hear about people with early diagnosed genetic diseases and ponder what kind of medical care they must get. Edit: I am also so grateful for answers as my exdad used to accuse me of faking being sick for attention/because it was inconvenient for him. Then after the long hospital stay he treated me like an object of shame. I only realized last year that he never once called me during those three months, only came briefly with my mom and brother. I so heavily relate to Amy Pond from Doctor Who. Waiting on doctors for years Told things weren't real But where is the crack in the universe that was sucking my life away? There was one in my old room we could never keep patched on the left corner of the door frame, humorously. Yay for moving from that house, haha! I’m free, my record is clean, my name is redeemed and I have a chance at equal care?! *joytears* In other glorious news, I also finally have a referral to the Duke NET clinic now. I hope they'll accept my disaster case. I’m burning down bodily daily but am like 82lbs of unrefined desire to live! Closer to proper care than ever before! I can never express my gratitude for my mom managing all the appointments and driving me 3-4 hours (one way) on her days off every so often. And now monitoring/recording my vitals after I attempt a meal and it mugs me instead. 🫠 “Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill.” “And I don't really care if nobody else believes, 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me” General goofery and jollytimes to attain equilibrium and good-spirits to sign off with!: (P.S. Sadly I did not knit the groundhog, 'tis a GIF. Also, more importantly many wellwishes from Mum)

And wrappings, wildlife, & celebrating life! Yes, yay, hello, some yellow! I missed May , June’s come so soon! I absolutely forgot to bright/lighting edit lots of these photos, oh no! Speedy little something for my 95(?) year old *granny’s birthday - *She rented a house to my parents in prehistoric times, and pseudo-adopted my mom, bro and I. Odd to think we haven’t seen her in-person in centuries due to moves and medical crises on behalf of both parties. Like magic, mail and modern communications! *mortified by my exposed stitching on its back* 4hrs on the first try. Felt Baby duck drafted, buoy bubbles, envelope content hint! Bigger bunch of babies! Because it’s uncanny how many times a small gift seems needed, so stashed some up for their season. 2.5 hrs each Bonnet baby, a brain-vacation creation. Hummel figurine & “what style would my mom fancy” inspired. Stashed for Christmas, currently. 6.5hr doll, 7hr outfit. All handsewn. Scribble edits for dear decency! *the downfalls of dollmaking* Now feeling so silly for realizing center-folding pencil drawn half patterns and running my fingernails along it results in perfectly easy symmetry. If people knew that I cut up zip lock bags for the plastic on these, would it be frowned upon? Homeschool at Harvest- 8x10” -122hrs total, drawing hrs: ? (written down somewhere and I’ve forgotten). Acrylic, colored pencil, pencil, workable fixatif on watercolor paper. For my mom, her 51st birthday. And her first-in-ages birthday of being free! Inspired by her art style…and her giving up her whole entire being to do everything for the family. I learned lapdesk painting! I don’t think I can ever be satisfied with any of my art-always could use just a few more details and I never know when to end! Only spilled my paint jug once and had one weird one-week episode of hyper swollen index finger. Baby fruits & wrappings sponsored by Stuff I Scavenged. Original very rough/scary sketch because planned to paint: And a little flower child for her, too. 4x6(?)” 12hrs. In truth I was quite ashamed of my slow, rough work here, I was having a severe episode of spine pain and was barely able to sit upright to do this. Propped the lapdesk on pillows because I couldn’t look down. Because of those tears and begging my mom to call a doctor, fortunately neurology saw me unplanned the next day, and I got the right referrals at last . Appointments allabout, a bit of a burnout from exhaustion and writing a 60+ page long medical timeline (More specialists at this point than my memory cells!). I actually found a forgotten, very important note from my allergist (who I owe my life to, as he diagnosed me with Alpha-Gal initially) last year about steps after the Celiac disease debacle was ruled out! Which means back to endocrinology again for Carcinoid/Neuroendocrine tumor evaluation/hunt… just like nearly 3 years ago when I asked for that referral myself for that highly suspect/fitting thing, after turning scientific papers and DDXs inside out trying to survive. It’s the only thing I’ve found that could explain the idiopathic anaphylaxis that worsens and is actually triggered by epinephrine. Even the new dental Epi reactions. Countless matches. That’s why endocrine did the PET scan in 2021, because they did later find high pancreatic polypeptide in my blood. But then the tTG/celiac elevation threw the Duke doctors into the clear error of Celiac. So close now, narrowing it down at least! And the doctors are listening at last. Grateful to say I also had a surprise genetics cancellation last Wednesday! It was initially in late August and I questioned if I could make it. Apparently this clinic orders their tests through the Invitae site which surprised me. Wonder if we’ll ever figure out why my blood type is “impossible”/wrong based on my parent’s types? (Yes, my exdad is sadly my true biological father. B+ plus O+ equals me, the A+ mutant. Bro is afraid of the needlestab so doesn’t know his type.) . First experience with sample collection from mouth swab instead of blood draw. Duke draws dozens of vials. I tried to eat a few days ago after nothing for four extra nausea weeks. Ow. Brain badly wants food but the body rejects. I’m quite bad at this Human thing, I’m afraid. My vitamin B12 is now skyrocketing without any supplements & inadequate nutrition, so yay for more clues. And the cardiac MRI the other day saw that my GI arteries were “crimped”. Surprising that it even visualized so low. I now need a repeat ultrasound of that situation apparently the next appointment slot is next month. Always pleasantly surprised when unexpected answers arrive! And glad that repeatedly falling asleep (while headphone hearing PTX Christmas songs) in the MRI tunnel (when I was supposed to be holding my breath) didn’t ruin the imaging! Wish I could post the other mombirthday gifts and cake, but waiting as it reveals the renovated/decorated room, and I am unsure of whether the parent legal stuff is fully signed yet, so staying on the safe side (..and the restraining order + law enforcement custody of the weapons runs out tomorrow as well.) Meanwhile, baby walnut waffs: And a neighbor from our old life visited, I got very much excited and made a little party feast. Flaky pastry cheddar drenched baby quiches, roasted sweet potatoes, flatbread chips and cream cheese Italian dip, and a colony of cookies! Lemon oatmeal + ginger crisps. my enthusiasm always outweighs my judgment…crash, cripple, crawl up, continue! Very grateful my mom has for many years let me cook all the things. So therapeutic. Trying to learn better wheelchair setup methods & recipes now. I don’t really know what typical North Americans enjoy eating due to my hectic health and food allergy history. I need to study the eating habits of humans further. *Run-on sentence timeline* Gluten & dairy free (non celiac, my mom thought it may help) for 2 years, then peanut free also (with negative peanut bloodwork, skin prick & assurances from allergist… then I almost suffocated in a six hour long anaphylactic reaction.. 30 minutes post- peanut ingestion) we resumed dairy, 1 more year passed then my mom started gluten again but only fermented/sourdough, 2.5 years passed and then I got Alpha-Gal tick bite mammalian product allergy-and as a biproduct I alone became gluten free again due to cross contamination (and only could eat around 10-15 raw ingredients. Made myself coconut milk from hull-on raw coconuts, ground raw rice for “flour” through a coffee grinder. ) 2.5 years passed then I had outgrown both peanut and Alpha-Gal allergy and had negative labs, then about 2.5-3 years of getting to eat anything, then 2020 brought worsening illness with the whole “body rejecting all food, inability to digest, GI telescoping, bleeding intestines , SIBO, transient gastroparesis, idiopathic anaphylaxis and no hunger” era that I’m still in. So grateful I can touch/cook all the foods safely now! Oh my gosh, glutenous flour is baking dream. Also so nice to not need to basically bolt mid-recipe when an angry/hungry person terrifyingly invades the personal space. A lot of years of that. And having the foods I was severely (even airborne) allergic to grabbed/waved over my head and the allergen-free foods/kitchen space. Trying not to be terrified of being in the kitchen with others. Or apologize excessively for being in the room. Or being afraid of cooking for others because of a very…selective? eater. I’m not as scared to bake for people as sugary stuffs were never rejected so much. Progress! It’s unimaginably peaceful and safefeeling to exist now. Freshly learned a more comfy foot free sewing setup. My lapdesk has adjusty legs. Now I can use the wall as a back support and stretch out the legs and sew with nearly zero body movement! (Photo 2 is leather patcher feeling aptly neglected.) I’d been longing to make a leather bag and wallet for my mom for ages now. The opportunity arrived at the acquisition of a generous octogenarian’s leather jacket + some old blue swatches I had from a local market. Lining doesn’t match so well but it’s my mom’s favorite color and what I had. Kind of dubbing this a “flop” because imperfections, some of which were from limited materials. Wow, these photos are dark, apologies Leather patcher was too difficult for me to operate when this tired, and the leather was just thin enough to machine sew with an 18 needle. Basting because slippy. Hammerable leather tape to stick together prior to sewing. Used to press open seams on bag as well. Tis a bit challenging as the needle will gum up and jam if it punctures the tape. No energy to tangle with leather patcher and crying from spine pain, so I fashioned a makeshift mini awl from exacto knife & needle for pre punching hand sewing holes. Hands were too weak to saddlestitch so I ran two lines of running stitches along it, and sewed decor embroidery to hide any messy stitches. Hand punched and sewn blanket stitching on bag top as it was too thick for regular machine there. Fun thing about leather is getting to hammer it instead of ironing as you would with fabric. Very blessed to be surrounded by people who do not hear or care if I’m hammering at 1-4 am. 18hrs on wallet, 13hrs on bag. Slow..but I get there! Grandchild of the lapdesk giver. No online image is 100% safe from my reference craving clutches…if either public domain or justified theft for art gifts… 8x10”, 8.5hrs. Pencil, mechanical pencil + workable fixative. Same size and supplies, 23hrs this time. My bro! Slow + scratchy, done post-party cooking crash. Loved a good leafpile. forgot to crop this, oops! Fauna frolics at the forest fairy farmhouse: (May contain fragments of broken English FB broadcast-bother to a brother) • 13+ baby bears ruling the kingdom, many about about the leaning green barn: My mom is officially car chauffeuring caught groundhogs. And perhaps future-abandoning that method as they’ve figured out how to unlock the cage. Seducing them with strawberries! And cantaloupe rinds, wholesome fare for the adorable masterminds. Many mountainfolk here call them "whistle pigs” and eat their meat..we’ve opted to instead set ours free. The only form of whole animal cleaning I’ve done is baby octopus (for Takoyaki). •Danger noodles are in no short supply: A mirthful neighbor even stopped to observe the dark character’s inexplicable reserve during its bath. •Something was chirping melodiously in our chimney. •The wacky window woodpecker: I hit the bay window 12 ft from me, screaming and beating its wings on it again ….and I might have screamed too. Love these children. Need to make more fashions for them. Made a big ridiculous thing for them a few days ago. Soon to picture that happymess. Bandana bibs may have once been made for doggy stroller walk wear. Better backlog the new, never know how many or few. May your day be easy peasy, if you so please! Thanks again for dropping in! (Also, sorry for nonsensical notes as is my normal now!) ( & for some reason it's throwing dupe images down here and I don't know how I managed to break my blog...my apologies..)

Recently I managed to find someone selling the Bionicle Quest for Makuta board game online. It was in pretty good condition. An excellent addition to my collection. I also picked up a few other board games. Just something to do with the kids I work with. One of the games was Monopoly. What did I find inside the box? A single Cordak bullet. The evidence speaks for itself. Family game night turned violent, the Toa Mahri intervened, and there were no survivors. 😔 Open and shut case. Bake him away, toys.

Hey y'all! Been a while since I've really given much an update here. I know there has been a lot of these sorta posts here in recent years, but I figured it's my turn to sincerely thank you all for making this considerable chunk of my childhood so enjoyable. Seriously, I'll never forget the time I spent here, however brief and distant those days now feel. That so many people gave me nothing but support to my art in its earliest, roughest years, that my fiancée and many of my best friends I still have today I all met on here, I wouldn't be the person I am today without this place I feel that even though I was just a child, I should still apologize for much of the cringey, childish behavior I displayed back in those days. I've done a lot of growing up in the years following my first arrival here, to say the least. Rest assured, you wont have to worry about me writing such scathing set critiques as 'tahu sux', as was my very first comment on this message board, or shoehorning anymore UNSC Frigates into text based Bionicle RPGs when the GMs are asleep. Yes, I was one of those players, and I'm still deeply embarrassed (although admittedly now also amused) to think back about it. I'm honestly glad that this place is still around, even in its much quieter state, that we can still check in on each other from time to time. Who knows, maybe with the way social media's been going lately, there'll be a resurgence in smaller web forums? Wishful thinking I know, but who knows what the future holds. Since 2011 or so every few years I've just been kinda drifting from place to place on the internet. One thing I really miss from ye olde days was that you could actually get to know people, whereas places like twitter and reddit are just so huge that even the communities within those communities just never really felt like communities, if that makes any sense. Discord is a nice sorta middleground though, I suppose. So, what have I been up to? Well, after spending way too long trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, I eventually settled on taking some very lengthy and extensive courses for making what I make best, Graphic novels and comics. Those wrapped up a few years ago, and off and on I've been working on an original story ever since. There's been a lot of hiccups along the way due to all sorts of things from personal issues to family ones, to the pandemic to construction near my apartment driving me absolutely nuts. I never thought I could hate a sound so much as I do the sound of a pile driver... Thankfully, most of that is over with now, a lot of the biggest issues in my life all kind of resolved one way or another in the past few months, which has been really nice. If anyone's curious to learn more about the Graphic Novel I'm working on, Let me know and I'll make more posts going more in depth about it here! Long story short is it's a colonial-era fantasy/redemption themed adventure story with a good mix of serious stakes and some lighthearted humour, starring an undead knight and two adventurers that freed him from an ancient curse. Shoutout to @Inferna Firesword, @Lord Kini Hawkeye, and @Zahaki, they've all had a hand in helping me develop different aspects of it as its come along (And while I'm mentioning people: paging @Kagha, @Aych Ehn, @Repicheep - Toa of Irony, @Japoro - Toa of Ice, @Kothra, @Gavla, @Grantaire, @Zyrnix, @Cap'n Sparrow, @DYLAN the SINKING STAR, and @.:Zero The Vampire:.; even if its years from me making this post that any of you happen to randomly log on and come across this, I would love to hear how y'all are doing these days. It might take a while, but I guarantee I'll read it and get back to you eventually! Same goes for anyone else honestly, happy to hear how everyone is doing I just called out the above folks in particular because I haven't heard from any of them in around a decade, lol.) In any case, I think that's all for now. Hope anyone reading this has a great morning/afternoon/evening, wherever you are! (PS: Googly eyed Tahu is a treasure, and nobody can convince me otherwise ) --Akaku: Master of Flight

I just got accepted into graduate school. My dream program. I feel excited, and I also feel guilty for feeling excited because I'm also still mourning. None of this makes sense.

Nacho 09/11/2005 - 01/17/2024 The best dog in the world

Welp, time to reflect publicly on BZP. I always like doing that. This year, I'll be trying something a little different and I'll actually be typing this up while reading my private thoughts from my journal I wrote throughout the year. Starting with something that was a theme throughout the whole year: In December of 2022, as part of a musical Secret Santa exchange, I received the song Where Are You Now by Danny L. Harle. From there, I listened to the rest of the Harlecore album, and then discovered the whole musical world revolving around the PC Music label/collective. I realized I already recognized a lot of the names from the 100 gecs remix album. This really is my kind of music. I found so many songs I loved, but one artist stood out from among the rest: GFOTY. She's quickly become one of my all time favorites and over the course of the year, I've listened to her entire discography. Unfortunately, PC Music announced that they're ending new releases on the label with the end of the year, so I'm listening to some of their stuff on the last day, even as I write this. It was a great ride, even if I only caught the tail end of it. Oh, and going back to the gecs, seeing them live was the other big musical moment for me this year. Their new album was great too. As I mentioned in my last entry, I finished college, moved out on my own, and got a job. I feel a lot more independent now. With that, I've been doing a lot more cleaning and organizing this year for a variety of reasons. I've also had more time for my hobbies though, getting a lot more lego building done and integrating myself into a local lug. I got dental implants put in at the beginning of the year. Something I had forgotten about was that this prevented me from eating my favorite food for a month. I'm actually just now getting scheduled to have the crowns put on the implants. I'm honestly tired of all this stuff going on with my teeth. I'm so ready to be done with it. Something I'm noticing is I was able to become much more social and confident over the course of the year. I even went out on a few dates! Nothing that led anywhere serious, but I'm very proud myself for handling it in a way that felt very natural. Ironically, I'm also much more comfortable being alone now than when I was in college. I think there's something about being surrounded by people that actually makes you feel more lonely sometimes. I've started playing more seriously in @Voltex's BZPGOT games this year. I've only recently started getting caught up on all the previous story there, but before I started that, I decided to read/reread all canon Bionicle story material. This, combined, with another event I'll mention later, means I did a lot more reading than has become normal for me this year. Next year I'm hoping to get caught up on the BZPGOT write ups, maybe read some other Bionicle fanfic ( @Pahrak Model ZX?) , but especially start reading some non-bionicle books aimed at adults haha. Brickfair was great as I also mentioned in the last entry! There was one thing about Brickfair I didn't mention though. At one point during the con, I got a call from my father. He met up with my cousin. I hadn't seen her in 7 years, and we hadn't been able to spend quality time with each other in even longer. He wouldn't tell me what was going on until I got back and spoke with him in person. It wasn't instantaneous for us to reconnect, but we did it. Both of us were worried the other might have somehow become a completely different person in the interim, but we get along so well. We were able to have phone calls, texts, and finally meet up in person for Thanksgiving. This has made me happier than anything else really, and I think it's been so good for both of us to have the other back in our life. I've always looked up to her, we have a lot of fond memories together, and now we're making new ones. She's someone I feel like I can talk to like no one else, and she always has such interesting things to say. So that's obviously not everything, but that's the biggest stuff. Thank you to each of you who have had even some small part in making my year so good! And a happy new year to you all! I know I already have some good things planned for it.

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So, it's been a while since my last blog entry, and I've made some big steps in life. Thought I'd drop in and talk about it a little. I took my 2nd year of master's classes fully online. It was a big change from living deeply within the campus culture like I had for the previous six years, but I finished it up and graduated for the 2nd time! It was a lot of work, especially trying to balance it with job applications and attempting to have some semblance of a social life, primarily with friends who lived far away from me. It paid off though, because I did get a job! I actually interned at this same agency last summer. I'm only a month or so in, but so far I'm very satisfied. I think this will be a job I can be fulfilled at. Getting a job also meant I had to move into my own place. Technically I lived away from my parents while at college, but this is the first time it's just me. No roommates. I picked the furniture, all the messes are mine, and I'm the only one cleaning them up. It's close enough to work for me to walk too, which I really enjoy. Still exploring the surrounding area, but I do like my apartment's location. I also went to two Brickfairs! (Maybe I should do a highlight post like the old days?) Both were great fun. Last year, I met some people from the SCBricks LUG, which I've since joined. That's been a great ride over the last year, meeting people and going to events. Just before Brickfair this year, I did my first local show with the LUG. It was completely different from a huge convention, just being in a little library, but I think we put on an excellent show! This year's Brickfair had me bringing @T-Dawg for his first time doing the full con. Hope he enjoyed it as much as I did. I miss a lot of the old friends I hung out with at past Brickfairs, but I love all the new people I've had the chance to meet! I'd also be remiss not to shoutout @Mushy the Mushroomfor really making my Brickfair! (As well as basically keeping this site alive.) And there's one observation I made at this show that really encapsulated it: I didn't have breadsticks at Brickfair this year, but I sure at a lot of Thai food. Sometimes old ways have to fall away to be replaced by something new and equally beautiful.

Buy your daughter LEGO, and she may (try to) rebuild your home one day? My grandfather rebuilt it first. Enormous gratitude to the family friends who we owe our lives to! And countless other helpers! Home is also not 100% done and I have zero perspective on what it looks like to others! It's been an insane one year process here. Former animal hoarder home. **Cannot continue chronicling without content warning.** Links contain descriptions and pictures of unsafe living conditions for all life forms (aside from vermin, perhaps), slight discussion of suffering/poor treatment of both humans and animals, a plethora of questionable building tactics brought on by necessity, collective incoherence of a chronically ill, no skill carpenter, and plenty of projects not recommended to try at home. I have no idea if I’m allowed to post this here, or anywhere online, honestly. We lived it and cleaned it, but certainly did not approve of the unfortunate and peculiar occurrences. Extreme apologies if not allowed! Doc/Story link: A Hundred-Year Old House of Horror…? (Links have more photos of after, before & during renovations.) Porch Foyer, Stairs & Hall. Living & Sun Room Office Hall Bath The Big Bedroom Basement Kicthen & Dining Laundry Room Upstairs Foyer & Closet The Royal Retreat The MushRoom The Sam Suite Outside ♫Through the dark, through the door Through where no one's been before But it feels like home There's a house we can build Every room inside is filled With things from far away They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy They can say, they can say I've lost my mind I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy We can live in a world that we design♫

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Congrats to Mushy The Mushroom! Please feel free to suggest colors! I myself will suggest Lime Green on Navy Blue.

....and I brought pohatu!

I am not, and never will be ashamed of the cake puns in this blog entry title. Anyways, it's been fun to look at milestones from the past 5-6 years of my baked goods journey. Please enjoy (vicariously) snapshots of gloopy sadness and glutenous glow-ups. My ego insists that I tell you about my natural dis-inclination toward exact measurements and the science-y part of baking (which is why I historically have had more success with cooking). But sharing sweet food with friends and family over the years has been a good motivator to improve, and there's nothing like a sporadic BZP blog post to share the progress 2018, for a sibling's birthday. This was back when I didn't know (or care) about pan sizes or icing consistency. My mindset was "It's sugar, flour, and more sugar. How bad can it be?" To be fair, it (probably) tasted good. I'm pretty sure we ate all of it, eventually. 😅 2019, for the same sibling's birthday. I had the vision, obviously not the execution. To be fair, it was a very hot summer that year, and I think this was my first attempt at homemade icing? But, yeah. ooof. To be fair! It was eaten and did not go to waste! 2020, this sibling is very spoiled, and finally had a cake from big sister that stood up on its own!! Progress never tasted so good! (probably, I don't actually remember at this point what flavor this was) 2021, Valentine's brownie/cake. This is when I decided to care about form factor and presentation more. Boxed brownie mix and store-bought icing all around - two modern marvels that I will never cease to love. 2022! This is the year I stepped it up because suddenly there were in-laws to impress! Lemon raspberry cake, got my whole baking pan situation sorted and took homemade icing seriously. I've found the YouTube channels Binging with Babish and Preppy Kitchen to be the most helpful (educational, practical, and instructional), and you can probably tell! But also, I found that I had more free time on the weekends with a job change. Moving from a physical warehouse job to a sedentary office job during this year was interesting - when I had a physical job, my hobbies outside of work were much more internal and sedentary. I got a lot of reading and writing done in these time period. When I changed to an office/teaching job, my hobbies almost immediately changed back to tactile and physical (knitting, cooking, baking, hiking). Funny how balance just kind of happens sometimes. Pies, scones, muffins, cupcakes, and a few other desserts were also explored in this year. In a slightly broader scope, we also tried some fun international dishes at home, like pupusas, baozi, and spring rolls! 2023 cakes, and many other baking ventures happened this past year. Here are some of the highlights. It also helps that I changed jobs and had an office to share these baked goods with (as opposed to the old warehouse gig). Apple Butter Maple cakes, from Preppy Kitchen. I actually broke a crock pot trying to make apple butter from scratch for the filling 😱 The small cake on the right is gluten and dairy free, and underneath the passable icing, was a DISASTER. Still learning the intricacies of the GF/DF world for the sister-in-law. Thankfully there are many box mix options now!! Pink brownie cakes for niece's birthday. Had some fun with icing piping bags and nozzles, but have yet to actually get into decorating (may not actually happen. There's still that primal battle between "make it look nice" vs "it's all going to the same place", so there's a limit to my dithering. Christmas Babkas! Technically not cakes, but after many attempts at sourdough that were meh at best, babka sounded like sufficient, sweet, and swirly compromise for a dough-based challenge. 2024 has yet to see large-scale baking productions - just some congratulatory oreo cupcakes to welcome a new nephew, and a batch of Hong Kong egg tarts that were a funky texture 😝. Anyways, that's a slice of my life recently (wink!) and I'm always excited to hear suggestions, tips, or other tales!

Any coffee aficionados here? Lately I've been drinking coffee in lieu of energy drinks, and I'm looking for different types to try. I'm not really into anything bitter, but I'm also trying not to use too much creamer or anything lol. Also, sometimes my dog rolls onto his back while he's laying in his bed, and I got this hilarious picture He just sat like that for about thirty seconds lol. He's whacked out Can you believe tomorrow is March?? Goodbye winter avatars and banners... ;-;

Okay, October Oldish Occasions! Wow! What an existence this beautiful spiral of life is. I guess this is a hello, life update and hopeful return to this lovely internet homey. Trying to see if easier for me to upload embed IG content instead of resizing. Which made me weirdly more okay with being more goofy on IG posting with main goal of it being for BZP blogging and likely only seen by around 3 humans, haha. October art first, blobbyblogbog below it! The doll obsession did indeed overtake my October! WELL FAIL on me figuring out embedding. So Ugly links.. So sorry. Does anyone know how? to please help? if it's possible? Me as a tree baby. I was eating the dirt from the rosemary tree planter!? And absolutely enjoying it! Baby Me cravings. Sneaking it repeatedly. Guessing that was a missed nutritional deficiency given my genetic glory. 8.5hrs. Small photo size, mechanical pencil, art fixative, watercolor paper. Done on clipboard while battling my broken body. 🤒🫠 Little gift for my mom. 💚 First attempt at hammering/murdering 😭 flowers for dyed fabric, not yet sure what to do with this, but, yay Pinterest! I staggered outside waaay back in September to get these, thus shattering me. 😆 I haven’t been outside since aside from in and out for a few car rides. (Edit: now going to make flag decor for the dining room/my new little- soon-to-show-cooknook for this!) did I already post this here, haha? Culinary crafts! Older content. Spice crumb cake in my misfit sized cake pan stack. Chocolate chip coconut oil muffs with walnut & choc on top. Spice and sweet potato sweet squares, walnut chocolate pastry pods + brekkie granola rounds. Cheddar cheese petite pizzas, I was thrilled to figure out they fit in coffee cans for freezer storage. Olives feel luxurious. Light and fluffy butter loaves (actually oil because $) that were altered from a Texas Roadhouse roll recipe and this a bit stubby. Horizontal slicing to the rescue & flash frozen on trays as always. Grateful to have grabbed our four lovely loaf pans when we left. Oven Naan breads, a fan of the King’s (KAF brand) recipes I am! Random barely conscious to be honest foodprep and bakes for my mom’s meals. Also, a few “flops”-attempts at making recipes my body didn’t reject absolutely. Some were yum but not very pretty! I Apologize for your eyes. 🙈 Bakes on the treat trolley for fieldwork and fire starting family friends. Choc walnut for my mom, made sugarsub/free cheesecake for broken pancreas me! Peanut butter frosted nutter bars + gingersnap brownies for my mom. Weird colorful vegetable dishes everywhere because trying to for-dr document the diet and hopefully figure out what things are helping/making me more sick after years of starving and medical complexity. Figuring out wheelchair cooking wasn’t somthing I expected to be so complex. (This was prior to the past few months of my major kitchen rearranging. The goal was to make it wheelchair accessible with the free barn and basement supplies I could find amid major illness stupor/cooking, eating, then trying to survive symptoms afterwards.😂) *THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTENT HERE: Pic with my adorable tiny baby Alice-in-wonderland“dessert” spoon from the new set my mom ordered upon my dream request. She’s the best ❤️ When your mom’s work gently demands a family photo and you initially are repelled, then realize it’s a great opportunity for family photos… AKA to let your happy weirdo show (?girl autism? Some day…we shall officially know!?)Life’s too short and sweet for taking oneself too seriously, according to me at least! …Sorry Mom and thanks for going along. 😆🌻 Featuring my mom’s green grandchildren, and all the normalness of our existence. Doll clothes, some of the human clothes, and wreaths concocted by me. Bee costume for another doll longago, yellow bloom circa 2021. Foam sheet Sunshine sign for pretending this thing was by design. I think these were in September or October, my brain is a bit of a shell from being this unwell. Regretting not going fully faceless on these because I prefer hiding behind my alien children 💚😂. (Wrote it bit ago/old info, but actually wore this for the 3rd total time today for a dr apt!) Wish I’d gone faceless- oh well, still surviving and smiling is a celebration!? Saltwater Taffy Striped Sweater! Which prompted plush phamily photos, of course! 😆 💕My mom’s weave work! Indescribable gratitude💕She just finished it, started the knit in spring 2022 for me! Shocking it fits, I’ve lost 30lbs since due to severe sickness. (Hoping such photos won’t highlight my facial skinniness🫣. if I’m honest I was fighting my own body for 4hrs on the floor after food ingestion on the day I photographed this. Typically it’s only a daily two hour post meal mess, now thankfully (desperate experimentation with my already owned Medication ). Trusting there is some higher purpose to this) Skirts and rose headband made by me prior, fur vest was a gift, glasses are just blue shades. Ballet shoes from a brief period of life when I was pre-diagnosed and tried excitedly to live, walk and move normally. Great for wheelchair use since not much need for sturdy shoes 😂. Shasta (boy baby Yoda)’s jacket selfdrafted & made by me for 18” dolls long ago, his deer sweater knit by my mom for another plush, and his tiny pseudo hat a random crochet by me. His corduroy shirt is actually a little sack bag, a gift from my mom’s coworker! Luna (girl baby Yoda)’s ballet inspired outfit is more 18” outfit stuff I made long ago. Grateful for unexpected fit!Mum (more than just a bear)’s styling my babyhood burgundy #winniethepooh dress, my childhood necklace + turtle bracelet + a ballet “bun cover” bought longago but taken for doll hats instead. Mum’s cape is actually a ballet skirt by me. #Toadstool stool a repaint by me. My new pink room has made me incredibly happy..even if I barely go up there due to being an ambulatory user of my wheelchair! PS I really wanted to make red dino & fancy ballerina costumes for my children to go with this, but don’t want to waste my tiny bit of energy on stuff for me. Update; Have worn outfit 1 total times when flung from my fungi forest for physical sig’ needs for social security. Hard to justify the “fancy” of it when 1 messy and forgetful homehobbit! Candy corn caricatures of my mom and I from the glory of random craft trash, discount Go Grocery Avocado hot sauce bottles,their random black bags as a backdrop, and electric tape eyes. Salt lamp gift from family friends 🧡 The heights are accurate when I’m wheeling, haha. My magnificent mom went along with morning-baked cookie delivery for friends and family. I tried to ride along for delivery, an almost unheard of thing for me to leave the mushroom kingdom at all , but nobody was home and I physically crashed too soon. My mom made the many treat taxi trips the next noon for me, for I can never repay she! @SPIRIT!!! May I tag to thank you overexcitedly with many virtual dance-a-happy? If not wanting to be involved in my weirdness I'll remove this! Thank you again for your genius! Every few-and-far-between human who enters the home sees it first thing and happiness it brings! EDIT:added the most important pic with their paper thank u sign sorry it’s shadowy/sunny bleached a bit hahaha The Woodermelon! Brilliantly named by a kind internet citizen upon viewing the original nameless creation. Many thanks to them and I must soon share with them. It has a baby now too thanks to more tree cutting, haha! My mom also finally finished putting buttons on the back of Baby Yoda’s sweater she made also two years ago! Already posted on BZP but oh well, IG transfers! Small kitten of a forum friend! Thanks for allowing sharing! 5x7 from July 2023. I have lost so much memory so my own art is now surprising me, haha. 17hrs- was very slow and distracted this time and am so sorry for its resulting scratchiness! Honoring noble Bob. Pencil, mechanical pencil, and art fixative spray. Apologies if unwated tagging here-can remove happily if any of ye request! Shoutout to BZP bro @Bambifor remembering BZP birthday best wishes while I was barely alive! Thanks again! Coda (Anatolian Shepherd) 8x10” finished in September. 17.5hrs (mid medical episode art so snailstyle 😂). Pencil, mech’ pencil on watercolor paper. Thanks bunches to @otterfor allowing sharing (and for not minding lack of permission to pencil the pretty pet!). (I am trying very hard to remember which of these drawings I’ve already posted, so sorry I’m repeat posting from the edit-illnes-rabbit hole haha. Also for accidental screenshot in swipes. 🙈) “Graphite bites!” Things from my mind while fighting body for dear life -because clipboard power haha (and questioning my power to finish anything in such hours) 3x3 watercolor + mechanical pencil drawing. 5hrs. Birthday (fancy pilot?) cat for my bro shipped off in a before-made birthday bonsai box with sausage and squiddies because why not! ❤️ Cannot for the life of me keep up with where he’s living, so shoutout to him for tolerating 20 accidental sends of a creepy questioning GIF. 😂 “Graphite bites!” Bunny Snow for Mom! 3x3 watercolor + mechanical pencil drawing. 5.5 hrs. Accidentally was eaten by a origami paper and paint-chip turkey for a tiny thanksgiving gift! And finally an opportunity a pop a petite present out too, a prior made Birdy ornament inspired by her on thanks-day morn ❤️And just of me trying to wrap stuff from the trunk of thingies I collect randomly amid struggling at self propelling on a weak wheel day. 😂 Sorting content in an attempt to awaken from the amnesia of the past six month sick-stupor. Today is a good day, the best since another ER trip a few weeks ago (I have officially lost count of the ER trips I’ve made for new changing different issues over my life haha..and keep all my medical bracelets in a garland chain because in all things there can be beauty 😂)I give thanks {..} and send sunshine your way, sorry for spamming and thanks for tolerating me all 3 of you here. 😂❤️Big little things that made bleak days blessings back in fall ❤️ Our new aunt Jane’s kindness is too vast to explain. Bedding! Girl bedding, that unplanned matched my new room perfectly like all my childhood magazine dreams! (Hi from Mr. Mooseykins..yes that’s what I named him 😂) And her sweet seasonal sewing send overs. And a lilac rose from family friends certainly delighted my alien children! I have a problem with turning everything into hats, but perhaps there’s no harm in that? Oh, and my new NON-prescription mobility aid from mom’s store for when I journey to the top of the stairs on occasions rare! Tiny lantern to avoid insomniac wheelchair crashes haha. And my dream -doll size spoons that I daily use (?autism thing?)! Thanks to mom supporting splendid strangeness of my highly specific dream request. And ER fun in October. Those bed poles will forever be lowly worm. So missed it here since a lifetime ago in September! When somehow my everyday existence became a blur as I survived full blown falling into a rabbit hole without medical care (yet tons of prestigious doctors at Duke-who abandoned my case, ignored every near death plea for advice, said go to an ER-where the Mission hospital ER would discharge me, EDIT FEB 20 I just Google that place and found this hahaha (:https://wlos.com/news/local/mission-hospital-ncdhhs-report-details-patient-deaths-injuries-delays-care-asheville-health-centers-medicare-medicaid-immediate-jeopardy) still paralyzed and look at my limp body like I was lazy/wasting their resources and send a 7,000 bill that my cashier mom would try to pay ) and tried to retain consciousness in ER situations on a daily basis. Looking back at these months, it’s a miracle I’m alive. And my mom hasn’t absolutely lost her mind witnessing this. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d make it to 2024, I don’t think anyone did. I basically had accepted after the Jan 15 2023 stroke that I was unofficially on Hospice stuck on our couch and trying to make the best of it. In July I was tired of this, years of starving yet surviving due to my complex sickness. I decided to eat. Instead of controlling my symptoms by starving and waiting on Dulke diagnostic aid. I underestimated how severe the results of this would be, and am pretty amazed by the years of function prior achieved by miserable starving to control my diseases. Not that getting in like 400-600 calories a day was much more than starving. Along with the daily 4hrs of fluid loss, writhing, hyperglycemia and that stranded me in a certain room that began to feel like a prison cell exactly 1hr after I dared bite into some delicious broth, vegetables, meat-or anything. I was chugging two 2 liter bottles of electrolytes within an hour on the floor writhing…while my glucose was over 200 on no carbs while the fluid loss, LUQ pain, face flushing, etc raged. Every single day. An hour after eating, precisely-waiting to pounce on me. Clipboard art and crafts to cope while turning on The Frey Life videos on a shattered phone via YT. Wondering how other people live. Realizing how horrifying my own quality of life has been for years. Hoping to gain some insight on how human beings in a safe home life/environment on a daily basis live. What it even means to have a family support system. There is a lot I don’t remember. There was a lot of lying on the floor, feeling possessed by some raging pain monster. Lots of being so weak I was barely managing to propel my wheelchair home alone. But not like anyone was there to help-my mom had to work or we’d both starve without having any social/family/medical support aid. In like, September, on a week so weak I was wondering if it was my last, I rolled to the med drawer and grabbed my discontinued use Plaquenil for my UCTD, Undifferentiated connective tissue disease. I started taking x4 the dose, 800mg. Have you ever been desperate to live? The daily GI fluid loss was cut to 2hrs daily instead of 4. My glucose wasn’t as bad. I told my good Duke rheumatologist and since then I've been prescribed 400 mg daily. The few pubmed articles I glanced at later support my positive experience with trying this- if I do have some form of endocrinology/cancer disease. The horrors persisted, but more manageably. In October I got very excited and blasted Christmas music, decided to undertake doing a “real Christmas” this year in our new 101yr old family home! Because 2023 was the year of “home/life setup/seasonal decor totes/wow, normal moms have these things but mine never could”. So I started planning the holiday decor designs and working away on turning our old ornaments and junk in our Christmas trunk into things matching and new. I did a lot of ornament painting via the bathroom floor, (I have zero personal pride at admitting this, it kept me alive in such hours while unable to get ongoing medical care). . My mom was trying to get me applied for Medicaid whilst the free-till won disability/SSI lawyer was still trying to prove I was incapable of surviving myself and needed SSI probably forever given Ehlers Danlos alone. My mom first applied me in mid 2022. My insurance ran out in January 2024 and my mom likely couldn’t afford to add me on hers at work. So we waited. I’ve been on Duke full financial aid for years, but also parent insurance deductible payment stuff and ER bills on them/now just Mom. Mom-She finally got legally divorced in October ‘23, so grateful. What a wreck. Exdad still won’t sign over the retirement bit, or her mom’s inheritance car to her so it’s a nice lawn ornament, haha. The car on which he canceled the insurance on in late July-stopping us from driving legally, forcing her to buy a new old car, stopping my mom from renewing its insurance it not having the title of it, & stopping getting med help for me for the new daily ER fluid loss emergency. He didn’t know this stranded me into a life threatening crisis. He didn’t/doesn’t know this. I shudder at the scales of justice, so thankful to have survived it. So strange to me that someone like him would be sent a disabled child-He so often cruelly said to people “Did your parents have any kids who survived to adulthood? Bet they regret that!”...I have somehow, thankfully been one such personage surviving so far to this age, in spite of every arrow aimed at me. And found out in such situations there are endless ways to be personally happy-It’s an inside job! . I’m not even surprised any of this was done. Weird how you can see so much sadness it becomes easy not to even react.Anyway, sorry, hope it doesn’t sound angry- I’m not, just the unfortunate events in a chronologically current recording. Takin' a drive, I was an ideal Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real Just something you paid for What was I made for? Some day those legal papers will come, perhaps, but tisn’t exactly pressing. Each time anything moved on the legal stuff it was a backwards breakdown stress spiral for my mom. I am grateful to say these horrors are now over, and things are much better! Now we can happily go on living, as if certain people in life don’t exist, without being every sec’ reminded of it, each conversation being about it, and go on enjoying that things are at last settled, safe and right. (EDIT: MID FEB ‘24: Car paperwork at last acquired, mom sold the sabotaged lawn ornament at last! Insurmountable gratitude!) Medically, nothing was changing except one day I got super hungry, ate a lot of walnuts instead of the just like 500 cal daily meal that nearly killed me. My throat closed and the extra bad face flushing again. The Epi-triggered and resistant “anaphylaxis” again. The whole suspect Carcinoid Crisis again. Since 2020 that ugly thing. ER at Mission hospital, 6 am. Oct 16th. I made medical info cards a week prior because I’m tired of trying to explain my diagnoses. This thing is effective (RIP privacy when sickness shreds the remaining “dignity”. I now have 3 laminated and take to appts. the dysautonomia diagnosis new since September tilt table test. ). . I told my mom to ask for Octreotide. My mom mistakenly thought my allergist had suggested this, told them so . He did not. This was my own research. I could barely breathe much less tell them this. They gave octreotide and my airways opened up. I went home. Allergist appt to rerun allergen labs to be sure, like 1 lab order from my annoyed primary care doctor for the fluid loss. Still not allergy or high Tryptase. So my good allergist (guy who found my tick bite Alpha Gal allergy saving my life so long ago), was like “yeah, still looks like carcinoid/a net tumor, especially given this, smart move on the Octreotide!” haha. So I contacted him later and my good rheumatologist for Duke and UNC GI cancer and new repeat endocrinology referrals for carcinoid/NET tumor/Possible diabetic condition. And UNC approved my mom’s full financial aid application for me! So since I’ve waiting on those to get scheduled some day, a new GI doctor appt at Duke in April (I had to fire the one Duke GI lady who left me to pretty much die after years of telling me it was surely Celiac disease and “just one more EGD, enteroscopy, etc”.) I still had a useless Duke primary care dr 3hrs away, but we were unsure who to use here given the digital Mychart records needing to be accessible and making sure Medicaid would cover if I was approved. So I waited. My high glucose raged during all this, I’d eat carrots or peas and it would go over 180. Tiny amounts of carbs sending me over 220 and half conscious symptomatically. I tried so many different foods, tried breaking it into two tiny meals to see if the GI got less angry, but nothing. So broth, protein, vegetables, and stevia seasoning became the mainstays while the glucose, face flushing, hyper thirsty, and GI episodes continued to rage on starving level calories. (Like 600 calories daily, robbed of yummy things). Meanwhile my frightening since-September 80-82lb weight just maintained. I’m 5’4”. Prisoner of war aesthetic going on there. Oh well. Alive! Thanksgiving!a brief bit about it, i’ll blog content beyond October later, just a general update trying to grasp the spiral of this! I’d barely finished most of the decorations for the day , got to wear the vintage granny clothes I adore from my new 80+ yr old mom’s aunt (weirdness of mom being adopted) and it was wonderful with my mom off-day. We watched livestreams from ActionKid of the Macy’s Parade while eating POPCORN in our new popper & putting up the new upcycled decor by me (later to be blogged). We had such good times. One of the best thanksgivings I remember. Actively FB messenger spamming my brother. Every holiday prior was just the 4 of us and major medically-dietarily restricted/we just didn’t do anything. Also, prior, my ex dad hated the traditions, seeing his family at holidays, birthdays etc. and my mom had none aside from her peculiar puppy mill owner estranged mother and prison brother. So getting to celebrate “real family holidays” in a gloriously nontoxic home environment is not something we’ve really experienced (except for my mom, as a child) before. It was a dream. I finally don’t feel unsafe 24/7! Near heaven! The 2022 thanksgiving prior I tried to pull out our old Xmas decorations but just cried instead over the shambles of our lives. 2023 thanksgiving was a DREAM. We are actually very much recovering and learning to live. If we’re all still around next year, I think it may be ever better! I decided to make a traditional thanksgiving dinner, immediately freezing some dishes for Christmas. Decided to eat tons of whatever and everything I wanted that day, even if I went into a coma. That went SO badly hahaha. I took extra plaquenil. No regrets. Totally threw up. Eating is torture but so worth it.Would do again. I felt so alive, it’s so nice to eat with other people. I had no idea how poor not being able to eat together makes the “quality of life”. Wrote a disturbing song in the stupor that followed that I’ll later repost, hahaha. And then after that Twas all out Xmas mode-still…Making some rushed decor, decorating the new old hold for the first time, trying to color theme each room!, lots and lots of cooking and baking! Pinterest recipe bliss! Planning excitedly for my brother to visit after not being able to for a year. The first time the home wasn’t even fully renovated and we didn’t do much of anything, decor or food wise. This meant unplanned renovations and rearranging of the kitchen to be more disabled/wheelchair friendly to reduce my suffering,haha. The “Cook Nook” was evolving- my cozy cottage closet wheelchair workspace! Such kitchen shuffling. Still a work in progress. (EDIT FEB ‘24..Done!)My mom getting me an instant pot has massively helped me given my inability historically and now especially to stand long at the stovetop. Need to take updated pics and add to this. Also, I am relearning how to cook via food scale using mostly metric, for ease, fewer dishes, and nutrition calculations. Thanks to King Arthur Flour recipes for encouraging this. I am relearning how to calculate the servings/nutrition on my own recipes and all recipes once again (one day I won’t have to Google nutrition on 3oz raw “x” every time). I did this from 2017-2020 (post severe food allergies + ingredient label checking drama, PICU, hospital) as per my illness and appetite never existed, and I was scared I’d accidentally lose weight and almost die again. Then in 2020 I just became major sicker, unable to eat enough for a normal creature to live, started gaining weight, then the celiac train wreck began. So all this nutrition content stuff is major Deja Vu. Sometime in December? We found out I got approved for Medicaid , and now it appears to be because the US government has officially accepted that I am disabled/useless in working society. I am so grateful and honestly cannot believe it. It seems like I may not have to show up in virtual SSI court in March now for the disability lawyer to “prove I’m disabled” from showing my medical records that the government already has. (EDIT FEB ‘24: Virtual court date is a day after my b-day, perhaps I can control symptoms enough to eat cheesecake & take sickness a day prior if I completely dehydrate, haha? Yolo or no? ) So in December the try for local primary ensued. My mom is doing all the paper and scheduling work as usual (cannot Adult). I went to one nice doctor on December 7, broke down crying weirdly over my situation (normally numb to the chronic near death experiences). She was amazing, but couldn’t accept me-I needed an internal Med-Ped doctor to “accept my case” as I was “too medically complex”. Mom’s Hunt ensued, I got an appt. in the UNC based local system that linked with mychart & their better ER 30 mins away. I went to their ER for labs/my chronic emergency level fluid loss and malnutrition on Dec 13, like: “hi I have no primary care yet please help.” That was useful, hadn’t had labs since September. They’re all rough as one would expect, but I’m managing to keep my electrolytes acceptable with salt cravings, bullion and lemon water. Basically: The internal primary care appt. Finally came! It was, to my horror- a male doctor. I vowed to never have another given a few terrible experiences with them due to my age, gender and being underweight (as if I chose this nightmare-then I blame myself for it, though it’s not something I can control/fix.). which had been up a full day prior so was very out of it. The ER labs were useful for them, too. The intern doctor had an intern too, who was very nice and shockingly interested in my load of recent medical notes and since July daily recording diary of my food fluid, med and intake and vitals timebook. The book I made out of desperation trying to figure this out or find someone who could. Shockingly, they gave good advice and accepted my case! They understood Ehlers-Danlos, amazingly. They asked what I wanted to start on, I begged for help on eating and drinking. He said the human body can process ~20g protein per two hours for muscle building/retaining, and with my weight & intake tolerance being so low I definitely had muscle wasting (I, who only ate 4 slices broth and bread daily-for over two years while desperately waiting on Duke GI doctors to figure out this wasn’t celiac and why food made me so sick). Apparently ill & old people die from bowel necrosis due to muscle wasting in situations like mine. No other doctor ever mentioned lacking protein or muscle wasting making everything worse. Duke doctors gave no aid aside from “I can send you to a dietician if you’d like it”-as if generic advice would aid the unmanageable food reactions. Also, male Dr was awesome not a nightmare. AWESOME. He saw my real actual email which literally contains Sarasbabyducks given my past pets, and he saw that& was like EPIC I RAISED RUNNERS, what breed did you have? Beautiful carcincle Muscovy, Ancona and Pekin were so loved by wee me. Given struggling to verbally communicate my mom also 2nd visit was like “we think she’s autistic- and my doctor IS FORMALLY DIAGNOSED and told me this!? I also found his IG sand apparently is into alternate herbal things & didn’t roast us for desparate experimenting! The new doctors don’t know why my glucose is crazy high, and said I was allowed to try carbs with the high protein and see what happens/monitor it.They also bumped the UNC endocrinologist referral up for Carcinoid/NET tumor/possible atypical diabetes and scheduled a six week later progress check-this is unheard of in my life to have ongoing medical follow up, help, or doctors who genuinely care if I live or die. I am so grateful. I also got clearance on my plan to eat YUMMY HOLIDAY FOODs during Christmas week when my bro came and not monitor vitals/anything! So prior to bro visit, I embarked (cautiously so Christmas plans wouldn’t be ruined by me being sicker) eating at least 20g x3 daily and increasing my foods/trying some fruits/vegetables I normally get hyperglycemic from. Shockingly my glucose and GI episodes improved some. It’s so hard initially to learn how much protein’s in what. Then Christmas! The so longed for first real family Christmas in the new old home, fully renovated! Bro came a day later than hoped (traffic), but made it on Xmas eve night! I’ll later blog of it! On Xmas week I tried to eat all the yummy foods unrecorded, mostly! It was a delicious disaster haha. Been Still recording glucose x3 daily, but thankfully not fluids or blood pressure now. That was tons of exhausting work, especially when barely functioning already. Getting back to the protein!... This concludes the illness fog written content mostly from goodness knows when! Free to frolic on to editing the somewhat later project photos as a hopeful attempt to reawaken my brain from months of hours-daily medical meltdown endurance without local care access. Grateful to be in this beautiful world, for my mom, Medicaid approval, new Internal Med doctors, and the few pretend friends who perhaps, for some reason, are kind enough to read the ramblings of a happy hermit, sick lunatic. This is where I stopped writing, haha. Current tiny update February ‘24, I’ll fill in gaps later if I get the chance!: Jan. 2 I started some alternative herbs and medications my mom had been considering, given doctors not helping and time running out .Things supported by scientific papers and research, a hopeful cure if carcinoid tumor/pancreatic cancer. 3 herbal pills and 2 fluid meds. My glucose at least is starting to markedly stabilize (FEB update)! Supposing it’s the combined CBD, my DIY-not-to-die plaquenil, tumeric and berberine along with the other high powered liquid thing? The hours of horror fluid loss GI wise are harder to survive as I’m trying to eat more-some days I got in 1000 calories-a miracle for me. I was in the new awesome UNC ER again Jan 13? after eating in a restaurant for the first time in 6 years-a glorious event for me to leave the home at all! For a funeral of my honorary granny. Backed up to my ribs despite chronic fluid loss-surprising and why it’s like glass shards in ribs when eating or drinking often. I’ve been out of it since and barely able to eat given my GI being badly broken, now require a new old people med device to somewhat more safely stay home alone, but now, mid Feb, feel like I’m coming out of the fog. No regrets, the restaurant was delicious! And now I’ve local GI care from UNC helping & as I write this current bit I’m leaving for my first combined colonoscopy & EGD done simultaneously later today. 6? EDG & enteroscopies and one colonoscopy at Duke from 2021-23. Issues found but no helping. Hoping they aren’t scared to fully sedate me here, haha. That only other 2022 Duke colonoscopy..Then the guy just blamed me for being too skinny, and was unable to find anything structurally, not being able to complete the procedure fully. I was half conscious and in pain screaming, when supposed to be all out anesthesia’d. Extra fentanyl this fine day of February, please! Also weirdly, my parent's equitabled distribution disaster was precisely 1 year ago today-When DVPO exdad dumped all my old & future medical bills on my former homeschool medical mom & attempted to take everything, almost suceeding after we were forced to flee homeless in 2022 to survive him. No support financially, what is mythical alimony and good lawyers? My mom having horrible mental breakdowns. Why exdad. I almost wheeled then walked out into traffic after this, no one in my life has ever made me feel more worthless and like a burden for breathing the air. How can one cope with being a burden to their own mother? This was post Jan 2023 no-med care post stroke when I could barely move, drink, swallow, eat or talk. Home alone surviving on the couch with a pencil in my hand giving me the will to try to “live to give, live to love” in little ways-if nothing more on earth I could say for. Turns out I'm not real Just something you paid for What was I made for? But somehow, we stuck together and smiled after the storm. So grateful she got her mother's ex-puppymill and land, a little lumpsum, and we have blessed freedom! Anyway, tis all my bitty remaining brain cell can summon at the moment! Life is honestly improving so rapidly this year it’s dizzying! Being able to even blog a bit (even if a bit off-balance) is proof of this! local good drs, hope to survive/cure the one thing, getting to often enjoy family meals with my mom-never allowed historically ( medical and family toxicity situations), finally finishing the few leftover home renovations, the first year she’s fully divorced finally and mostly financially in an area of safety! I’ve dubbed it the year of (my mom’s) Julie’s Jubilee with laughable glee! And I’ve given the home and acres around it a loving dub of “Misfit Meadows” I am indeed making a sign for our front room, haha! So weird to be allowed to be in a home so happy! I absolutely apologize/will edit if it’s not allowed to be so real here, or if this content isn’t BZP friendly. And for photo embed fail pleasehelp? I have no perspective on what it's like to live as an ordinary person or how rules apply here. ‘Appy impaired unaware alien here. Virtual hugs to all, tis all! Missed blogging in the BZP beauty where I can be a misfit with so few openly judging me for the fairytale ramblings, thanks to all thee! "Think I forgot how to be happy... ..something I can be!"

It's been almost five years since I did one of these and the last time I did one I opened it with a cringey joke. Either way, I want to post here (before my ten year anniversary next month) and this is all I could come up with so ask away. Or don't, it's a free website. But I hope you do because it's kind of the point.

Slinky through this linky on over to the comics forum to have a peak! More to come maybe? Possibly? Who knows! The inner machinations of my mind are an engima. If I do continue it, I'm thinking of maybe having permanent guest stars positions, just for ol' times sake. --Akaku: Master of Flight

"He is only a dog", but he is human enough to be a great comfort. As I type, my best and oldest friend lies in my lap, drifting in and out of consciousness. He has not eaten in more than a day, nor has he drank anything in that period except a small amount of water administered by syringe. He can barely move, though he keeps trying. It has been eighteen years since he entered my life and I am not ready for him to leave it. He's one of the few remnants of my childhood, which is perhaps why I felt the urge to write this here, on this site I used to haunt in my elementary-school days. Perhaps I will clean this up, post it somewhere else, somewhere other than the ruins of Web 2.0, somewhere where it might get more attention, but this version, typed in the BZP blog submission box at five-thirty in the morning, is the original. I joined BZPower in 2005; I adopted Nacho later the same year. But only barely the same year. He was a belated Christmas present; we picked him up on New Years' Eve. Actually, there was another dog there too, and we had our choice of which to take. The other puppy was let out first; he was small and so very sweet. He walked up to nine-year-old me ever so calmly and politely, introduced himself in the most dignified way a four-month-old Shih Tzu could. Then the-dog-who-would-become-Nacho was released. He immediately charged my six-year-old brother, leapt into the air, slammed into him with all the power his seven-pound body could muster. My brother was actually knocked backwards. We could tell he didn't mean any harm by it. To the contrary, he loved being there, loved to meet new people, loved to be alive. He wanted to share that with us, even if he didn't know any way to do it beyond throwing himself full-force into the nearest kindergartner. --- I "made" a spritesheet for him, back in those days when the Comics board (I believe it was called Artwork III back then, having been split off from Artwork I because the people who actually knew how to draw were tired of being overshadowed by Dark709) was the hottest place on the site. Of course by "made" I mean I took a preexisting sprite sheet (actually, it might have been by Dark709, though I no longer recall), recolored the spot on the dog's back, and was off to the races. The entire process probably took me about sixty seconds, which was the limits of my patience at the time. He only ever made one appearance in a comic I was a co-author for; why someone would let me, with my complete lack of artistic or comedic talent, touch their strip, I can only wonder. I'm glad that Brickshelf has archived my achievement in the field of bad BZPower sprite comics. Man, I was such a kid. --- I wanted to name him "Wicket," after the Ewok from Star Wars. My younger brother wanted Nacho. He was inspired by a cute MOC he had recently seen, here on BZP, that had the same name; that build is probably lost to time now. I was a little sore about losing out, but in retrospect, he definitely chose the right name. It's funny how much of that dog comes back to this website. --- I haven't done much of anything today besides sit and worry. Every now and then I try to see if a miracle has happened, if his appetite has returned, if his body has decided not to shut itself off after all, and every now and then I am disappointed. I have my laptop, but I don't want to play or watch anything, nor do I want to read the book I have left sitting on the coffee table. I have marked my life through fiction, and I know that anything I read or watch or play now will be the thing I was reading/watching/playing when Nacho died, indelibly linked to him in my mind. I don't want to ruin a perfectly good anime series that way. Nor do I want him to be permanently associated with a bad one. Instead, I mostly scroll Twitter. The one other bit of entertainment I afford myself is playing randomly-generated Picross puzzles. Actually, it's kind of boring, but it appeals to me. The canvas is a rigid grid, its solution locked away in the numbers, and all I have to do is put things in their place. Either I get one that's easily solvable, or else I get one where there are at least two valid solutions and it comes down to chance which one the computer thinks is right. I think I have a winning record at guessing, though. I suppose writing is now the third interesting thing I've done. --- My brother and mother (yes, I still live with my parents at twenty-seven) have gone about their days in as ordinary a fashion as possible (given the severe winter weather we're now experiencing). How can they act like the world isn't ending? --- In a way, the Nacho I met all those years ago has already gone. It's been many years since he could run and jump and force his joie de vivre on the most proximate elementary-schooler. Then, when he went blind a couple years back, whatever energy he still had vanished. These last few months he's had difficulty walking, and sometimes even difficulty standing. Two days ago, I was already never going to take him on another walk again. But even two days ago, he wasn't skin and bones like he is right now. Where did the mass go? As long as he's alive, there was--is--always that irrational hope beyond hope that he would somehow get better, that his eyes would regain their form and function, that his energy would come back, that his telomeres would re-lengthen. When he dies that will be it. He will stop being is and become was. --- I remember how he would greet me when I returned home from school. He was always so excited, like it was the first time we'd seen each other in years. I remember how much he used to love broccoli; I've never really heard of a dog who liked broccoli, but he always went crazy for the stuff. Whenever we had it with dinner we'd save some for him. I remember how he used to love to play with plastic water bottles, more than any actual dog toy. I remember how excited he got at so much as a glimpse of the leash. I want to keep those moments frozen, forever, as if in amber. It's not even that I didn't/don't want to grow up; I just always wished, wish, for the ability to grow down, to return to these comforting events in a format more perfect and real than memory, to reclaim my innocence, to revive the mosquito in the amber of the past. My best friend is dying. My life can never be the same.

Meant to stop by earlier this month for quick drop-in. I can't believe it's been 20 years since I first found this site. I rarely visit anymore, but I'm still alive and kickin', though I'm more active on other social sites. The world has changed and so have I. Within the past decade, I got married and now have a kid. So anyway, see you around. I may not visit much, but I haven't forgotten this place. (C)1984-2023 Toaraga EAM

(Click for Twitter post + alt pics) Severed are the seas. The Sirens sing of ruin. The earth laid prostrate. Instagram Flickr

i recently had an Actual Nightmare where I got banned from bzpower. like the kind where you wake up and have to check just to reassure yourself that it's not real. it's funny--it's not like i really come on here very much anymore. it's not like anyone comes on here very much anymore. if my account were to actually be banned it would make no difference in my life. when i joined bzpower, i was eight; now i find myself uncomfortably close to thirty. thirty still seems so old to me. i could never--not as a kid or a teenager, not even in my early twenties--conceive of being thirty. i still can't. and yet the calendar insists that there are just a few years left. as i get older, i find myself trying to hold onto tchotchkes of my childhood--things that have no functional value to me now except in the conveyance of memories. sometimes they appear in my dreams; bzpower is not unique in this regard. i want to remember who i was, where i came from, to keep from finding myself unmoored in time. when i was a teenager, i was glad that bzpower lost the old forums database and majhost went down and spared me the humiliation of knowing my awful attempts at a sprite comic or my execrable fanfictions were still out there somewhere. now i find myself saddened by their loss. no one else will mourn them, of course. (nor, frankly, should they.) none of these things had value to anyone but me. the banning of this account would represent a final foreclosure on that past, an admittance that it's over and done. realistically, that past is gone forever anyways and there is no going back--but while it exists i can pretend, if only for a moment, that it is still 2005, still 2008, still 2012, can step back into my old selves and see the world through their eyes. at least this blog remains, in its entirety. its first entry (actually, its first four entries) was posted the very day blogs were made available on this site. the things i wrote as a child survive, even with their atrocious spelling (faveorite???) and utterly vapid content (i was, in retrospect, not a particularly smart kid). by my teenage years i had mostly moved on from bzpower, but you can see bits and pieces of my adolescent struggle for self-actualization posted here. none of this will mean anything to any of you. this very post is nothing more than an exercise in self-indulgence. but it means something to me. i'm glad i'm not banned.

So naturally, over in the BZPGOT discord, we've made our own - with some excellent new cover art courtesy of @TBK!

Remember the Baterra from the 2009 storyline? Have you ever asked yourself, "What if they were horror movie villains?" Quick refresher (long one at BS01), the Baterra were a group of shapeshifting robots created by The Great Beings to end The Core War...by killing anyone holding a weapon because I guess The Great Beings get their morals from "Chappie". After the war they did a number on the remaining Skrall on Bara Magna and forced them to move south and become the villains of the 2009 storyline. The Baterra following the Skrall south was a minor plot point of '09. I'm wracking my brain to remember what it was like in 2009 (which was somehow 14 years ago) when the Baterra were introduced. I remember Greg hinting at them in answers saying the Skrall were running from something else, which was honestly good hype. I can't remember how we found out about their origin and purpose, but I know it was before "Yesterday Quest". Either way, in late 2009 the robots appeared briefly in the Skrall serial and the next year in the really cool graphic novel "Legends of Bara Magna". (Side note, does anyone remember the effort the community made to get as many people as possible to preorder that comic because Greg said we might not get anymore if doesn't sell well? Good times.) Both of their minor story appearances highlight their potential as horror villains especially the forest ambush in the comic. Imagining a horror movie with them is pretty easy I mean they're killer robots they can hide in plain sights and can get you before you even know they're there. Think of the jump scare potential! And the last thing we learn about them (outside of Greg quotes) is they refused to shut down after the war ended, which also screams horror. Obviously the Baterra (or a Baterra-like robot/creature) would fit right into the slasher or monster genre. Heck, a Baterra hunting people in a city would basically just be "The Terminator". I'm bringing up that movie because the Baterra have another connection to that franchise. The second Terminator movie featured the T-1000 a robot made of liquid metal, which according to Greg is how the Baterra shapeshift. Like many pages for things relevant to Bionicle's last years, the Baterra page is littered with small tidbits from Greg made since Bionicle's end. The liquid metal info being one, which is nice although something I don't like as much is the Baterra being the inspiration for the Bohrok and also them being the same height as the little rolling guys from 2002. I know I wasn't the only one who imagined the Baterra as tall and slender to be disappointed to learn that. When the story ended the Baterra were on a collusion course with the newly united good guys. I don't know if Greg would have used the Baterra if he had continued writing the serials, but in all honestly I can't see that going well. Probably it would have been a minor conflict resolved in a couple of chapters so Greg could focus more on ideas he had more interest in. The weapons of the Baterra, which slew hundreds of Skrall red shirts would be no match for our heroes' plot armor. Sure, maybe a couple of minor characters like Trinuma or Vastus would die to build up the tension, but in the end Nuparu or some other tech guy would come up with a clever way to defeat the Baterra and finally put an end to a really cool footnote in the legend of the Bionicle. But, I still want see to that horror story.

It's the 20th anniversary of the Metru Nui saga's beginning. So this years theme is the entire Metru Nui saga! Toa Metru, Hordika, Vahki, Dark Hunters. Not just characters, locations, items, or even vehicles! Rules: Your design must be a simple design, one color, and must be medium sized. Your design must also be black on a clear white background. This makes it easier for the screen printing process. You may post your entries in this thread, and have until the end of May to submit your design. The Prize: The maker of the winning design will receive a free T-Shirt! ADDITIONAL INFO: The winning design will be chosen through a voting process of the members of BZP. Colors will be suggested and chosen by the members as well. Feel free to ask any questions if needed. That's all for now. Have fun, and good luck!

tahu ready.mov

I like how bionicle gets progressively more violent 2001-bamboo disks 2002-heavy rocket launchers 2003-hockey puck 2004-war crime disks 2005-war crime spinners 2006-mag fed mind control guns 2007-biological weapons and semi auto rocket propelled grenade launchers 2008-guided rocket launchers and missile racks 2009-handheld bomb lauchers 2010-automated killer robots how diid lego get away with this when lego city can't have guns?

I was recently reminded that blogs exist, so I figured that this was as good a place as any to post the first official teaser for an upcoming project that will be releasing later this year. ___________________ Deep down, everyone’s afraid of the dark. It’s a powerful, primal thing, an instinct born long before any of us were created. In the dark, anything could be waiting. A ravenous rahi, a roving Rahkshi, Karzahni or Irnakk or Tren Krom or any one of the other nightmares of legend. But now we know there’s nothing waiting for us in the dark. Nothing at all. And somehow, that makes it even more frightening. ___________________ In this alternate reality take on the Bionicle story, the Great Spirit Robot was mysteriously shut down shortly after Teridax took over. In the wake of this second Great Cataclysm, lightstones and heatstones begin to dim and die throughout the universe, dooming its denizens to a dark, cold demise. Metru Nui – with lifegiving light still seeping through the sun holes overhead, and its cold streets heated by the fires of the Great Furnace – becomes the last bastion for the Matoran species. But when the city’s Toa depart to rescue Matoran still trapped out in the dark of the dying universe, they leave the populace vulnerable to the machinations of an unexpected enemy, and return to a city they no longer recognise… Work on Embers began in August of 2022. During that time, I was writing for my Farewell To Corpus Rahkshi collaboration, which put me in a nostalgic, inspired frame of mind, motivating me to finally act on some story concepts I’d been toying with for a long time. Embers was originally envisioned as a trilogy of three “books” that I expected to be ready for release sometime in 2023, but the story ballooned massively in size and scope as I began work on it, expanding to six instalments instead. Due to my nasty habit of starting projects, getting overwhelmed, and not finishing them, I was determined to fully complete a first draft before I began posting anything. I felt that being able to go back and revise the story as a whole would also allow for a more cohesive and consistent narrative overall. As I post this teaser, I’m finishing off the first draft of Book 6. While I’ll still need to carry out a few editing passes (and probably completely rewrite some parts I rushed through), I’ll absolutely be in a position to begin posting chapters sometime later this year. This is by the far the biggest project I’ve attempted and actually followed through on, and I’ve already got ideas for a possible sequel trilogy if the story is well-received. Keep an eye out on the Epics forum for the official release in the coming months.

It's not go time. Maybe next time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK_ClbbcVDo

I don't know how anyone would know this, but I adore and collect stuffed animals and have for as long as I can remember. Might as well start with the OGs. Left-to-right: Gram Paul "Uncle Grandpa" Penguin, everyone's favorite old man who's gotten up in years and now needs a wheelchair. His son Fat Penguin (named long ago in a different time and place) who's probably the favorite animal I own. He's got a wife and five kids, but we don't need to talk about them right now. Glacier the walking ticking time bomb who likes to throw is little brother. Said little brother Iceberg who's a kleptomaniac and who only has one foot, but everyone swears he lost before his brother threw him. And finally their Italian cousin Gelato who's catchphrase is, "You guys are mean!" He gets to say it a lot around this lot. A small sample of all my bears, the largest species in my collection. Rapid fire family left-to-right: Germania Kirk: got his name from when me and my sister played "Star Trek", but afterwards we couldn't stop calling him Kirk. Is a preacher and married to... Maple: The Canadian bear. Dimples: their son who was the first bear baby in the world and is now a doctor. Everyone used to call him baby boy because he was the first. Erin Erwin: the Irish ice cream man. Millennium: Erin's wife and the undisputed best chef in the land. Nikki: their daughter and now married to Dimples, hence... Baby Boy: Dimples and Nikki's son who has his dad's old nickname. His catchphrase is "Ta da", which he is also sometimes called. Not shown are the two Erwin family boys, Cuddly and Winnie. They moved away awhile ago and are living their best single life with their friend Curly. Spangle and Brittany: I think I forgot their last name. Spangle used to be a superhero (Spangle Boy!), but now I think he just sits in his pajamas all day. Caramel: their third kid and former cheerleader. Somehow fell in life with... Sweeter: a gingerbread man and baker who can never match Millennium. Lindy "Lucky Lindy": their daughter who's actually a clone of her mother because you know bears and cookies can't. Anyway, she's a bit of a trouble maker. For whatever reason, most of my and my sisters' stuffed animal collections consisted of bears and penguin to the point that are few other animals were given the kind of offensive term "nonie" (NON-ee). Either way, the nonies' lot has improved over the years and Punxsutawney Phil has been the mayor for eight years or more. His chief advisor is his cousin Phil (the one without the hat) and together they wisely govern the town's treasury (the chests). The big monkey is their bodyguard Lazlo Khan and his little monkey son Bongo. The hedgehog is Lothario (that means "the lover") advisor/jester. The green thing is a recent gift from my sister that I don't know what to do with so I let him hang in the executive suite. Also, Meltdown isn't there to hold the flag for them or anything he's just also on my desk and photobombed them. More recent additions now that I love referencing things. Left-to-right (back row), Pabu the red panda, Greywind the dire wolf, Bosco the black bear, Gojira the spinosaurus, and 51 the alien. (Front row) Bruce the shark, Lottie the axolotl and her son Verde. I've just realized that my love for writing might have started with the stories and backgrounds I created around all these animals. Either way, this is a small sample of my collection, I probably have a hundred more, but what I really want to do is create some kind of archive of all of them with their names and histories to make sure I'll never forget. Will I find time? No idea, but this is a start I guess. -JAG

I will post a full review when I've finished the book, but so far, HFSM #5 is, intentionally or not, the funniest piece of HF media. One of the villains is punished because, in upside-down "evil is good" world, not robbing a bank when you have the chance to is a crime. The logical implications of this universe just make me laugh. The villain (I think it was Toxic Reapa) make it sound like an inconvenience, because he already robbed that bank twice that week and was tired. I'm not going to defend the Rise of the Rookies TV episodes as anything great, but Von Nebula had some gravitas to him. There's zero implication that, if he wins, the galaxy will turn into this Pythonesque bureaucratic state. It recasts a lot of Von Nebula's previous characterization to make him, if we take this premise seriously, ridiculously immature. Von Nebula doesn't really hate Stormer or anything, he hates an extremely abstract, watered-down idea of "heroism." It's funny to imagine how this universe function, like why banks even exist if robbing them is legally mandated. That being said, it's not a bad book. I was tempted to write, "Greg isn't even trying at this point," but that's not true. Some parts of the book, like describing Von Nebula's black-hole-corrupted body, are genuinely good and right up there with peak BIONICLE. It's more like, Greg is having fun. I feel like it was an open secret that HF wasn't going to be on shelves much longer, so no one was giving Greg much oversight on the Secret Mission books so Greg just pushed the envelope to see what Denmark would let him get away with. Stuff like this makes me wish the Secret Mission series did continue, just to see how surreal it would have gotten.

Oops, I forgot to update this lol. Things have been pretty busy here in Bambiland lately, so I haven't had a lot of free time these past few months. Some (good) things happened, most recently with the latest addition to the Bamb Dynasty: He's a three year old purebred German Shepherd 🙂 Very energetic, which is fine since there's a lot of room for him to run and play. But what should I name him? :0 Bambi 2.0 isn't going to cut it I'm open to suggestions! I know people always say this, but I really do want to try and post more stuff here. I've got a few ideas of what I might do, so we'll see. Happy Valentine's Day!

The sun shines so brightly here. Yet that is not enough for them. The plants are more than alive now. So they hunger for more. -.-. .- .-.. .-.. .. -. —. ....... .. -. ....... .- .-.. .-.. ....... .— . . -.. ....... .— .- -.-. -.- . .-. ... More on Instagram

Personally, I believe that Hero Factory 2010 captured a lot of what made both late BIONICLE and early Hero Factory kind of bad. The quality of the pieces themselves still suffered from that weird molding issue from 2008, which made them stiff, disjointed and prone to breaking. Furthermore, the main good guy sets (the Heroes) were incredibly difficult to pose. Stormer, Stringer, and Bulk suffered from the bizarre choice to integrate their weapons directly into their arms, and the dual-wielding Heroes (Furno [sort of], Breez, and Surge) suffered from their arms being too long and it almost feeling like their hands were their elbows, with their weapons being their lower arms, if that makes sense. Imo, the villains for that year fared much better. They were more experimental and interesting to look at, though they still had pretty heavy problems. The only one I actually own is Corroder, and he's impossible to pose. Those Avtoran limbs stuck in an eternal 90-degree angle are forgivable when used in Avtoran-sized sets, but attached to both a bulky torso and bulky handpieces, they just make him feel cluttered. In the TV show, he's seen jumping around like an agile, quick-moving villain, and his aesthetic (in still images) looks quick, but to hold in your hand, he's just as difficult to maneuver as Corroder or Krekka. I personally feel like the Makuta Mistika suffered from a subtle rationing away of parts. One cannot help but notice that Krika has a canister-sized body but Avtoran-sized limbs, while Bitil has normal limbs but a tiny body. (Gorast, at least, has six Avtoran-sized limbs, evening her out somewhat.) The Makuta Mistika are beautiful to look at, especially compared to the overly industrial-looking Toa Mistika, but it was a harbinger of things to come that LEGO seemed to think we would not notice. Like Corroder, Krika uses 90-degree Avtoran joints, but Krika's lithe body and long, thin weapons makes it work. Krika's in-hand physicality is close enough to a child's imagination to imagine Krika stalking the Swamp of Secrets. The only play scenario I can see a kid playing out with Corroder is "Hero Factory vs. Arthritis." I have never held Rotor, the Drop Ship, the Furno Bike or Von Nebula, but they at least looked like a step in the right direction. Reusing the maskpiece of Hydraxon (a fairly obscure 2007 set) for the year's Big Bad was an interesting choice, especially as, in silver, it looks somewhat neutral (as a jailer's mask should), but it suffices in black as the mask of evil incarnate. HF 2010 offers many such glorious BIONICLE recolors, from Meltdown's yellow Kalmah tentacle to XPlode's recolored Krika blades and Von Nebula's black-and-blue Tridax pod (I am surprised no one ever attempted to integrate into a Vamprah revamp. Re-Vamprah, haha.) Rotor and Von Nebula (aside from VN's weird tiny arms, which the box artist didn't even try to hide) fit right in among the great titans of BIONICLE 2005 and 2006. The Drop Ship, while commendable, looks overengineered, suffering from much the same flaw as the Darth Vader constraction figure: too many tiny pieces going to recreate a basic and uninteresting shape, creating extra work for the builder without a feeling of vindication as more intricate models (like the Ussanui, the Jetrax T6, or the Malevolence) would offer. The HF vehicles (which never returned, apparently turning no particular profit) feel like serious step downs from BIONICLE. 2011, at least, allowed Hero Factory to develop its own identity. Whether it is better or worse than BIONICLE is for you to decide, but at least I can say with confidence that it was no longer simply a worse version of BIONICLE.

It is officially Halloween, and fruit/pumpkin carving is officially back on

Undersea Creature Compendium Vol. 1: The Aurelia is prone to being infected by various parasites due to its standard diet. Being at the bottom of the food chain, parasites have evolved to use the Aurelia as a common entry point into larger creatures higher up the food chain. [Click for more] More on Instagam

For a while, I've been working on something. It's a 100-page history of the entire world, beginning with the invention of writing in ancient Sumer and going all the way to the modern day. It has not been easy. I have been able to work on it twice a week and make 5-8 pages per session. I am 90% of the way done, and my mind is racing. This is something that part of me has always wanted to do. I loved watching The History Channel and asking my dad about the Civil War and American Revolution when I was a kid. Even then, I always wanted to somehow categorize all this knowledge, and now I'm actually doing it. Honestly, I was bored in history class in school. I always wanted to go deeper and look at more primary documents. But at the same time, whenever I tried to do my own research, I quickly found myself overwhelmed at all the books and articles I had access to. I never knew where to start. It is titled Elementary World History and one of the reasons I am writing it is to provide something I would have benefitted from as a child. It is a sampling of history, not going too deep into any of the topics I cover. (Getting the entirety of World War II into a single page was not easy, but I did it.) The finished book will be dedicated to my nephew, who is still a baby. I hope he grows up to love history and gets some enjoyment out of it. I'm going to print it out and put it in a binder for him. I don't know anything about actually getting stuff published. I've written novel-length stories before that none of the publishers I reached out to wanted. Honestly, I'd say the publishing aspect is harder than actually writing the book.

Checking out the new Masks of Power trailer made me really nostalgic for my old BZP days. I really miss the huge community we used to have. I always say I'd like to come back into the fold, but I haven't committed yet. Bionicle has always had a special place in my heart though. Not to be dramatic but I feel like it really shaped part of who I am. After everything that's happened to me, through life and work and new relationships and long gone relationships and the discovery of my true identity, I am still a Toa warrior 💙💗🤍💗💙

Click for Twitter post Design loosely inspired by various Honkai enemies. More on Instagram

We got an actual garden going this year, here's the progress so far:

We have 2 entries this year! Please consider to only vote if you are going to BrickFair this year. You have a week to vote. Entry #1 by Mushy The Mushroom: Entry #2 by xccj:

This years theme is water. A toa of water? A golden beach? The choice is yours! Feel free to offer color suggestions with your design. Contest ends on June 11th! The winning design will be on T-shirts for BrickFair VA 2023! Rules: Your design must be a simple design, one color, and must be medium sized. Your design must also be black on a clear white background. This makes it easier for the screen printing process. You may post your entries in this thread, and have until the end of May to submit your design. The Prize: The maker of the winning design will receive a free T-Shirt! ADDITIONAL INFO: The winning design will be chosen through a voting process of the members of BZP. Colors will be suggested and chosen by the members as well. Feel free to ask any questions if needed. That's all for now. Have fun, and good luck!

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